Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Path: utzoo!decvax!wivax!linus!genrad!grkermit!markm From: markm@grkermit.UUCP Newsgroups: net.jokes Subject: RatEotn #1 (Again) Message-ID: <362@grkermit.UUCP> Date: Fri, 27-May-83 15:57:00 EDT Article-I.D.: grkermit.362 Posted: Fri May 27 15:57:00 1983 Date-Received: Sun, 29-May-83 04:58:35 EDT Lines: 79 The Restaurant at the End of the Net Episode 1 (Xaphod, Rod, Gillian, Martin, and Arnold Lint are on their way to MicroWays: The Restaurant at the End of the Net.) Arnold Lint: What's this MircoWays place like? Martin: It's awful. Xaphod: Shut up, it's a wild place. What they did was place a restaurant at the exact time in the continuum at which the Net ends. It's all very complicated, but you can dine while watching all the nodes and newsgroups you've come to know and despise vaporize in a great apocalyptic blaze. [************************************************************************* "The Hitch Hikers Guide To The Net" points out that the Net did actually cease due to overpopulation. The volume of stupid and useless comments (and their associated authors) got so compressed that all activity stopped due to the immense amounts of time required to sort through this black hole of mental ineptitude. A few die hards kept on, however, in the hopes that the loyal followers would again return. Legend has it that they followed the writings of some mystical female netlander from the Valley (fershure!). This has been widely disclaimed as gnarly to the max and highly unlikely. **********************************************************************] Rod: Yah, it's lovely! Gillian: Sounds fun. Arnold Lint: You mean the Net isn't forever? Martin: Fortunately not. Arnold Lint: Gee, it seems kind of pointless to go to so much trouble on the Net, knowing that it all is going up in the end anyway. Marvin: Same with everything else in this seemingly endless lament we call life . . . why bother. Xaphod: Quiet. (A buzzer sounds and the Infinity's sensors show a squadron of ships approaching. It's the Flamers!!) Rod: Oh heck, it's the bloody Flamers again. Don't those mindless oafs ever learn!? Xaphod: Guess not. Flamer Commander: Right, I thought we were rid of you lot. Push off or else. (The Flamer commander looks a lot like Phil Donahue.) Gillian: Ah, go intercourse a leprous elk! Arnold Lint: Don't Flamers ever stop? I though they were under control a while ago. Rod: They were, but they've started another uprising. Flamer Commander: Right, assigned topics for discussion WILL be adhered to. Anything said which sounds like it might be important WILL be ignored. Full frontal lobotomies WILL be required. Martin: I don't think he's too well. Xaphod: That's an understatement. Rod: We better get out of here before they start up. Flamer Commander: First, lets discuss the social and political effects of shirtsleeves. Should they be rolled up? Left down? Or made a felony? Suppose if every American rolled up his shirt sleeves and every Commie didn't - where would we be then? If you are interested in having an incestuous relationship with your illegitimately pregnant sister, what impact will the length of your shirtsleeves have on her opinion of you? Is the shirtsleeve a phalic symbol? How many engineers does it take to sew a shirtsleeve? Xaphod: STOP! STOP! STOP! What do you want from us? Arnold Lint: Wait, I was just getting interested. Rod: We better get ourselves out of here quick. Flamer Commander: Next, what about people who type in all lower case - does this make them homosexuals or ocelots? Gillian: Aaaarrrrgggghhh!!!! ******************** End Of Part 1 ******************** Will the crew of the Infinity once again escape the clutches of the Flamers? Or will they start to question the sexual significance of candlepin bowling? To find out . . . Tune in next time . . . same Net-time . . . same Net-channel.