Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: notes version 1.1usg 6/21/82; site ihlpf.UUCP Path: utzoo!decvax!wivax!linus!allegra!eagle!mhuxt!mhuxi!mhuxa!houxm!hocda!spanky!burl!we13!ihnp4!ihlpf!dap1 From: dap1@ihlpf.UUCP Newsgroups: net.religion Subject: "Ark Confusion - (nf)" Message-ID: <113@ihlpf.UUCP> Date: Mon, 30-May-83 03:00:51 EDT Article-I.D.: ihlpf.113 Posted: Mon May 30 03:00:51 1983 Date-Received: Sat, 4-Jun-83 08:37:52 EDT Organization: BTL Naperville, IL Lines: 72 #N:ihlpf:22600010: 0:3208 ihlpf!dap1 May 29 18:43:00 1983 >From "The Humanist" Magazine By Robert Yoakum Let's listen in on a world history class in a school where the Bible, taken literally, serves as the text: "Why?" "Why what, Jimmy?" "Why did God drown everybody except Noah and his family?" "Because, as the Bible says, God saw that the wickedness of man was great on the earth, and it repented the Lord that He had made man on the earth." "Why? I mean, making man was God's idea, wasn't it? How come He couldn't do it right?" "Uh, do you want to answer that question, Ann?" "Well, I was sort of wondering the same thing, Miss Christianson. Why did God have to drown everybody, even the old people and tiny babies? Were the babies evil?" "My but we have a lot of 'whys' today! Uh... Yes, what is it, Sara?" "What about dogs and cats? Did God drown them, too?" "I'm afraid so. The Bible says the Lord destroyed both man and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air." "Why? Were they evil?" "Apparently. The Bible says that God told Noah, 'The end of all flesh is come before me; for the earth is filled with violence through them.' God didn't like all that violence." "But gee whiz, animals have to eat each other to stay alive! It isn't their fault. That's the way God made them." "Some of God's ways are mysterious, children. Now then, let's go on to-" "What about the fish?" "What's that, Johnny?" "What about the fish? You can't drown a fish." "I guess God spared the fish." "Why?" "I don't know why. Now let's-" "How old was Noah when God made the flood?" "The Bible says Noah was six hundred years old, Jack." "Isn't that awful old? I mean, it must have taken a six-hundred-year-old man a long time to build a whole ark." "I assmue that Noah's sons helped him." "But then who got two of all the animals and bugs and creepy things together? I read in a magazine there are more than a million different kinds of animals. I'll betcha it would take three guys a hundred years to round up a million animals by twos. Sometimes it takes me a couple of hours just to find my dog or catch the cat." "Look, children, I think this discussion is getting everybody confused. I'd like to go on to another-" "First can I ask a question?" "Yes, Jeanne. What is it?" "Did Noah take two yucky things like flies and mosquitos and toads and worms and spiders?" "Yes, Jeanne, He did." "But wouldn't the toads and spiders eat the flies and the birds eat the worms? Anyway, why would God want to keep flies? They make diseases." "All right. Now that's enough. We've got to-" "What happened to the water?" "What water?" "The flood water. Where did it go after everybody was drownded? Did God flush it or what? And if they were all in the ark for almost a year, like you said, what would there be to eat when they got out? And why did-" "WHY! WHY! WHY! That's all I've heard today! I'm tired of questions beginning with WHY." "But yesterday you said that the Lord said unto Cain, 'Why art thou wroth? And why is thy countenance fallen?' Why can the Lord ask 'why' and we can't ask 'why'?" "Children, I have a slight headache so I'm going to dismiss class early today. God bless you." "God bless you, Miss Christianson." END OF QUOTE