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From: tim@isrnix.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Asking Men Out
Message-ID: <231@isrnix.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 2-Jun-83 02:12:59 EDT
Article-I.D.: isrnix.231
Posted: Thu Jun  2 02:12:59 1983
Date-Received: Wed, 8-Jun-83 11:29:02 EDT
References: hou5f.275
Lines: 35

To my mind the problem of being asked out by a woman that you may or
may not find particularly desirable is one of the most important lessons
in trying to gain equality of the sexes. Men and women will only be able
to understand each other when they have taken the other's role-eventually
the whole concept of different rigid roles for men and women will to a
great extent probably break down.  Learning how a woman feels when she is
approached by a man who she may not be all that attracted to helps to
understand that position-vice versa when the women start taking the risk
of putting themselves on the line maybe they will begin to understand
why men do certain things better.  My own opinion is that the stereotypical
sex roles and mating roles of men and women have a lot to do with generating
personality differences.  Women learn to be coy and subtle because they have
to be-in the traditional role they are not allowed to be direct. They also
have to make themselves as attractive as possible in physical appearance
since they have to WAIT for some guy to ask them out-besides that in the
traditional role all they are allowed is to make it plain through body
language and other subtle means that they are interested in a guy.
Men on the other hand had better learn to take risks and face rejection
-they are forced to be direct by being the one to ask the woman out.
This has all sorts of reverberations in terms of an active vs passive
approach to the world,etc.  It also has innumerable implications in terms
of the history of relationships (e.g. it is easier for the man to be faithful
in a long-term relationship than a woman because he has to take an active
role to go out with other women-all the women has to do on the other hand
is accept the advances of men who find her attractive and are not deterred
by her existing relationship) But with this major barrier between the sexes
broken down these sorts of generalizations about men and women will also
break down.  But it is also one of the hardest barriers to break as witnessed
by the angst of the women in the net who are not at all sure how to ask men
out.  I have found it amusing that I have known some VERY vocal feminists
who still had NEVER asked a man out!! (or maybe asked ONE guy out in their life!)
This shows that the risk of rejection is a high price to pay in these things-
but progress is being made slowly but surely.......
            Tim Sevener
            decvax!pur-ee!iuvax!isrnix!tim