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From: markm@grkermit.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: RatEotn #1 (Again)
Message-ID: <362@grkermit.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 27-May-83 15:57:00 EDT
Article-I.D.: grkermit.362
Posted: Fri May 27 15:57:00 1983
Date-Received: Sun, 29-May-83 04:58:35 EDT
Lines: 79


				 The Restaurant at the End of the Net
							   Episode 1

(Xaphod, Rod, Gillian, Martin, and Arnold Lint are on their way to
MicroWays: The Restaurant at the End of the Net.)

Arnold Lint:	What's this MircoWays place like?
Martin:	It's awful.
Xaphod:	Shut up, it's a wild place. What they did was place a
	restaurant at the exact time in the continuum at which the Net ends.
	It's all very complicated, but you can dine while watching all the
	nodes and newsgroups you've come to know and despise vaporize in a
	great apocalyptic blaze.

[*************************************************************************
"The Hitch Hikers Guide To The Net" points out that the Net did
actually cease due to overpopulation. The volume of stupid and
useless comments (and their associated authors) got so compressed
that all activity stopped due to the immense amounts of time required
to sort through this black hole of mental ineptitude. A few die hards
kept on, however, in the hopes that the loyal followers would again
return. Legend has it that they followed the writings of some
mystical female netlander from the Valley (fershure!). This has been
widely disclaimed as gnarly to the max and highly unlikely.
**********************************************************************]

Rod:	Yah, it's lovely!
Gillian:	Sounds fun.
Arnold Lint:	You mean the Net isn't forever?
Martin:	Fortunately not.
Arnold Lint:	Gee, it seems kind of pointless to go to so much
	trouble on the Net, knowing that it all is going up in the end anyway.
	Marvin:	Same with everything else in this seemingly endless lament we
	call life . . . why bother.
Xaphod:	Quiet.

(A buzzer sounds and the Infinity's sensors show a squadron of ships
approaching. It's the Flamers!!)

Rod:	Oh heck, it's the bloody Flamers again. Don't those mindless
	oafs ever learn!?
Xaphod:	Guess not.
Flamer Commander:	Right, I thought we were rid of you lot. Push off
	or else.

(The Flamer commander looks a lot like Phil Donahue.)

Gillian:	Ah, go intercourse a leprous elk!
Arnold Lint:	Don't Flamers ever stop? I though they were under
	control a while ago.
Rod: 	They were, but they've started another uprising.
Flamer Commander:	Right, assigned topics for discussion WILL be
	adhered to. Anything said which sounds like it might be important
	WILL be ignored. Full frontal lobotomies WILL be required.
Martin:	I don't think he's too well.
Xaphod:	That's an understatement.
Rod:	We better get out of here before they start up.
Flamer Commander:	First, lets discuss the social and political
	effects of shirtsleeves. Should they be rolled up? Left down? Or made
	a felony? Suppose if every American rolled up his shirt sleeves and
	every Commie didn't - where would we be then? If you are interested
	in having an incestuous relationship with your illegitimately
	pregnant sister, what impact will the length of your shirtsleeves
	have on her opinion of you? Is the shirtsleeve a phalic symbol? How
	many engineers does it take to sew a shirtsleeve? 
Xaphod:	STOP! STOP! STOP! What do you want from us?
Arnold Lint:	Wait, I was just getting interested.
Rod:	We better get ourselves out of here quick.
Flamer Commander:	Next, what about people who type in all lower
	case - does this make them homosexuals or ocelots?
Gillian:	Aaaarrrrgggghhh!!!!

		******************** End Of Part 1 ********************

Will the crew of the Infinity once again escape the clutches of the
Flamers? Or will they start to question the sexual significance of
candlepin bowling? To find out  . . . Tune in next time . . .  same
Net-time . . . same Net-channel.