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From: thekid@rlgvax.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Pushing careers...
Message-ID: <673@rlgvax.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 17-Jun-83 23:30:38 EDT
Article-I.D.: rlgvax.673
Posted: Fri Jun 17 23:30:38 1983
Date-Received: Sat, 18-Jun-83 15:43:27 EDT
Lines: 47

Re: Froggy's submission on pushing and careers...		17 June 83
	Well, campers, you don't know when to push, mostly because the other
person doesn't tell you.  Sure, after a year or two in a relationship you know
what the person is thinking, often without them saying anything at all.  Not
because they've learned to cue you, no, you've learned (painfully) to read
their cues.  That's why we have this mystique about magnetism and that
instant attraction stuff.  We are amazed that someone else has been raised to
interpret the cues `correctly'.
	So, I go out with someone a few times, and then I have a rough day.
		She says:	"What's wrong, li'l injun?"
(Don't you *love* stupid pet names?)
		I says:		"Nothing."
		She says:	"Okay, thought something might be."
		I says nothing.
Little does she know that my mother always pushed me to tell her what was
wrong and that I learned to interpret that as my mom caring about me.
I think that because she doesn't push she is indifferent to my feelings.
But NO!  HER mother taught her not to be threatened by showing her feelings.
If someone asks her what the problem is she honestly informs them.  Right then.
Well, we'll go home (alone), she thinking me a bit of a bore, I thinking her
insensitive and uncaring.
	I think I detect a common thread in the relationships I see that seem
to be working.  Every time they turn out to be a partnership.  Whether because
a partner (usually the wife) has subjugated their life to their mate's
life/career, or because they BOTH feel that the relationship is more important
than the career.  See what I mean?  Either they have a common goal, one
person's career, or the relationship is the common goal and the careers
are secondary.  I don't believe that a person *can* serve two masters.  No
matter what I say, something always gets second-best.
	Picture me stopped in an alley.  Gun to the back of the neck.
"All right, buddy, your company or your wife!!!"  A reasonable question for
a future CEO?  I think it is.  And, if it isn't the company, you have no
business being a CEO, since there are bunches of people who are more
qualified (by virtue of *their* choice) to lead the company.  And there is
nothing wrong with choosing the company.  Whatever maximizes your utils
(utilities, clamdiggers), right?  When the happiness of the partner/union
is more important than your career, well, okay, if someone has to move, well
okay, someone has to move but this won't destroy the union.
	Well, the end of another Pollyanna submission folks, and, as in
all the others, honesty IS required in the relationship.  If I ever achieve
it in one of mine, I'll let you know.

		Melancholy baby, melancholy,
		thekid
		...![ allegra, seismo, mcnc, we13 ]!rlgvax!thekid

p.s.	Froggy, I *really* liked your article.  Thanks.