Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Path: utzoo!decvax!wivax!linus!allegra!eagle!harpo!floyd!cmcl2!philabs!sdcsvax!sdccsu3!ee163ay From: ee163ay@sdccsu3.UUCP Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: The Defense for Nice Guys Message-ID: <719@sdccsu3.UUCP> Date: Fri, 3-Jun-83 01:02:12 EDT Article-I.D.: sdccsu3.719 Posted: Fri Jun 3 01:02:12 1983 Date-Received: Thu, 9-Jun-83 01:05:40 EDT Lines: 58 In a previous article on nice guys, I never really posted any spec sheets. That's because everybody is going to have their own personal criteria for defining a "nice guy", and I am not going to be foolish enough to even attempt to impose an arbitrary standard...I would be TORCHED ( as opposed to merely flamed ) if I tried. Let me clarify a few points from the previous article, though: 1) In my book, everybody starts out as a nice guy unless he should prove otherwise by violating my personal criteria of what I find acceptable, for example, kitten strangling. Those who are offended by "being taken for granted" as being nice, well, just let everyone know that you are not nice! ( "No more Mr. Nice Guy!" ) If you are obnoxious enough, people will believe you. ( "He'd be a nice guy if he didn't act like such a jerk!" ) 2) The plaid and cords were incidental--at your installation it might well be T-shirts and jeans, or 3 piece suits, or some other permutation of clothing. But, just because a person wears this "uniform" doesn't mean that he's a nice person, just someone who happened have this stuff in his closet and decided to put it on! 3) Women who are attacted to nice guys may not necessarily be nice themselves. Likewise, nice women may be attracted to not-so-nice guys. They may be trying to compensate for character deficiencies. After all, everyone wants to look good. But, this is not a hard and fast rule. In fact, I doubt that there are any real rules at all. A woman who likes a nice guy might also like a "jerk". It's all individual tastes...If you can't determine someone's preferences through observation, or second-hand sources, then ask. Degree of subtlety in asking depends on you and whom you ask. 4) When I said that nice guys are "willing to try anything at least once", of course I didn't mean ANYTHING! If I told someone to jump off a cliff, if he did it, I wouldn't think he was nice, I'd think he was DUMB. C'mon, be reasonable, of course personal standards are involved here, but at least a nice guy would be open-minded and consider the request, and if he refused, then he'd give an explanation. As for scaring the guy off, well, there is this big bugaboo that women should not be forward, etc., which is one that I'd like to stomp on here and now. If I said/did something which scared a guy, a reasonable fellow would tell me why it scared him, leaving me the option of not saying/doing it again. If he hightails it without letting me know why, I am certainly not going to feel guilty about it ( of course, that's just me ), and further- more, I would probably repeat my mistake. That would not be a guy I could respect. The hallmark of a really nice guy is someone who will criticize you when you need it, without antagonizing you. As a friend of mine puts it: "How can I know such as much as a good thing if you do not let me know?" Keep those cards and letters coming... [..]!philabs!sdcsvax!sdccsu3!ee163ay