Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!genrad!decvax!harpo!seismo!rlgvax!thekid From: thekid@rlgvax.UUCP Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Pushing careers... Message-ID: <673@rlgvax.UUCP> Date: Fri, 17-Jun-83 23:30:38 EDT Article-I.D.: rlgvax.673 Posted: Fri Jun 17 23:30:38 1983 Date-Received: Sat, 18-Jun-83 15:43:27 EDT Lines: 47 Re: Froggy's submission on pushing and careers... 17 June 83 Well, campers, you don't know when to push, mostly because the other person doesn't tell you. Sure, after a year or two in a relationship you know what the person is thinking, often without them saying anything at all. Not because they've learned to cue you, no, you've learned (painfully) to read their cues. That's why we have this mystique about magnetism and that instant attraction stuff. We are amazed that someone else has been raised to interpret the cues `correctly'. So, I go out with someone a few times, and then I have a rough day. She says: "What's wrong, li'l injun?" (Don't you *love* stupid pet names?) I says: "Nothing." She says: "Okay, thought something might be." I says nothing. Little does she know that my mother always pushed me to tell her what was wrong and that I learned to interpret that as my mom caring about me. I think that because she doesn't push she is indifferent to my feelings. But NO! HER mother taught her not to be threatened by showing her feelings. If someone asks her what the problem is she honestly informs them. Right then. Well, we'll go home (alone), she thinking me a bit of a bore, I thinking her insensitive and uncaring. I think I detect a common thread in the relationships I see that seem to be working. Every time they turn out to be a partnership. Whether because a partner (usually the wife) has subjugated their life to their mate's life/career, or because they BOTH feel that the relationship is more important than the career. See what I mean? Either they have a common goal, one person's career, or the relationship is the common goal and the careers are secondary. I don't believe that a person *can* serve two masters. No matter what I say, something always gets second-best. Picture me stopped in an alley. Gun to the back of the neck. "All right, buddy, your company or your wife!!!" A reasonable question for a future CEO? I think it is. And, if it isn't the company, you have no business being a CEO, since there are bunches of people who are more qualified (by virtue of *their* choice) to lead the company. And there is nothing wrong with choosing the company. Whatever maximizes your utils (utilities, clamdiggers), right? When the happiness of the partner/union is more important than your career, well, okay, if someone has to move, well okay, someone has to move but this won't destroy the union. Well, the end of another Pollyanna submission folks, and, as in all the others, honesty IS required in the relationship. If I ever achieve it in one of mine, I'll let you know. Melancholy baby, melancholy, thekid ...![ allegra, seismo, mcnc, we13 ]!rlgvax!thekid p.s. Froggy, I *really* liked your article. Thanks.