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From: loosemo2@utah-gr.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Nice Guys
Message-ID: <798@utah-gr.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 6-Jun-83 06:54:06 EDT
Article-I.D.: utah-gr.798
Posted: Mon Jun  6 06:54:06 1983
Date-Received: Wed, 8-Jun-83 04:09:59 EDT
References: gatech.179
Lines: 31

I too have irrational fears about personal relationships interfering with my
career plans.  Fortunately I realize that most of my fears really are totally
irrational, and I'm willing to try to overcome them for that reason.  But I
don't think I'd be able to do it alone; I expect the man in the picture to be
understanding and supportive and willing to help.  If he "backs off" at the
first mention of my fears, I don't care whether he's a "nice guy" or not; all
I know is that he doesn't really care enough about me to want to help solve
whatever problems there are between us.

So perhaps you "nice guys" should be nice in a more assertive way.  It's not
easy for anybody to talk about their fears; it takes a lot of encouragement
on the part of the listener.  Don't try to brush off the other person's fears
("What a stupid thing to be afraid of!") or assume that the problems are
insurmountable before you even know what they are ("Oh well, I'm too nice to
push this person into a relationship he/she is afraid will not work.").

Incidentally, I think the reason why so many women who are actively pursuing a
career do have these fears is because it is so hard to maintain a relationship
over a period of many years when both partners are also subjected to career
pressures.  It always seems like it is the woman (instead of the man) who is
expected to give in when there is a conflict.  Plus, it seems like women are
subjected to more outside pressure than men as far as devoting themselves to
raising a family.  ("When are you going to quit your job and start having
children?")  We fear that if we ever do get involved in a serious relationship,
we will have to be continually justifying our decision to devote ourselves to
a career instead to friends and relatives, instead of just enjoying it.  And
finally, many of us career women have either had bad experiences with long-term
personal relationships to overcome, or else have not had any experiences at
all; and anything new tends to be at least a little scary.

Froggy