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| Re: If only the Weather Channel's TOR:CON index referred to TOR JOHNSON.... [message #288507 is a reply to message #288307] |
Sat, 25 April 2015 12:51   |
Doug Elrod
Messages: 402
Registered: September 2012
Karma: 0
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On Tuesday, April 21, 2015 at 12:16:06 PM UTC-4, nor...@googlegroups.com wrote:
> On 2015-04-20 20:20:54 +0000, Doug Elrod said:
>
>> Just imagine how different "The Wizard of Oz" would have been!
>>
>> "Time for go to storm cellar?"
>
> If only Ed Wood was around to direct the remake.
In the climax, Dorothy presents her CASHMERE SWEATER (Toto, in a bravura performance) to the Wicked Witch (who's a MAN, baby). He/she thereupon melts, with gratitude!
-Doug Elrod (dre1@cornell.edu)
Obligatory monetary allegory: Cashmere = MERE CASH. It's *deep*, man! ;-)
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| Re: If only the Weather Channel's TOR:CON index referred to TOR JOHNSON.... [message #288515 is a reply to message #288507] |
Sat, 25 April 2015 16:43 |
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Originally posted by: weary flake
On 2015-04-25 16:51:00 +0000, Doug Elrod said:
> On Tuesday, April 21, 2015 at 12:16:06 PM UTC-4, nor...@googlegroups.com wrote:
>> On 2015-04-20 20:20:54 +0000, Doug Elrod said:
>>
>>> Just imagine how different "The Wizard of Oz" would have been!
>>>
>>> "Time for go to storm cellar?"
>>
>> If only Ed Wood was around to direct the remake.
>
> In the climax, Dorothy presents her CASHMERE SWEATER (Toto, in a
> bravura performance) to the Wicked Witch (who's a MAN, baby). He/she
> thereupon melts, with gratitude!
And thanks to the Wizard's counseling Dorothy's
assured they can work it out becase she really
loves the Witch, and that's what counts.
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| Re: If only the Weather Channel's TOR:CON index referred to TOR JOHNSON.... [message #288879 is a reply to message #288515] |
Sat, 02 May 2015 13:29 |
Doug Elrod
Messages: 402
Registered: September 2012
Karma: 0
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Senior Member |
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On Saturday, April 25, 2015 at 3:43:59 PM UTC-5, nor...@googlegroups.com wrote:
> On 2015-04-25 16:51:00 +0000, Doug Elrod said:
>
>> On Tuesday, April 21, 2015 at 12:16:06 PM UTC-4, nor...@googlegroups.com wrote:
>>> On 2015-04-20 20:20:54 +0000, Doug Elrod said:
>>>
>>>> Just imagine how different "The Wizard of Oz" would have been!
>>>>
>>>> "Time for go to storm cellar?"
>>>
>>> If only Ed Wood was around to direct the remake.
>>
>> In the climax, Dorothy presents her CASHMERE SWEATER (Toto, in a
>> bravura performance) to the Wicked Witch (who's a MAN, baby). He/she
>> thereupon melts, with gratitude!
>
> And thanks to the Wizard's counseling Dorothy's
> assured they can work it out becase she really
> loves the Witch, and that's what counts.
From which we get the valuable lesson: Never fly off in a balloon BEFORE
cashing your counseling checks!
Back to Tor: There's a disturbing possibility that we might see a Syfy Original Movie at some point. Imagine that a MAD SCIENTIST, in violation of International Treaties specifically prohibiting cloning Actor-Wrestlers, decides to CLONE AN ACTOR-WRESTLER! Unfortunately for him, a devastating storm destroys his lab, resulting in TOR-NADO! (Or would that be too confusing?)
-Doug Elrod (dre1@cornell.edu) ;-)
Wondering if the screenwriters were having some fun with the THOR-NADO in the first Thor movie....
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| Re: If only the Weather Channel's TOR:CON index referred to TOR JOHNSON.... [message #288883 is a reply to message #288879] |
Sat, 02 May 2015 17:01 |
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Originally posted by: weary flake
On 2015-05-02 17:29:05 +0000, Doug Elrod said:
> On Saturday, April 25, 2015 at 3:43:59 PM UTC-5, nor...@googlegroups.com wrote:
>> On 2015-04-25 16:51:00 +0000, Doug Elrod said:
>>
>>> On Tuesday, April 21, 2015 at 12:16:06 PM UTC-4, nor...@googlegroups.com wrote:
>>>> On 2015-04-20 20:20:54 +0000, Doug Elrod said:
>>>>
>>>> > Just imagine how different "The Wizard of Oz" would have been!
>>>> >
>>>> > "Time for go to storm cellar?"
>>>>
>>>> If only Ed Wood was around to direct the remake.
>>>
>>> In the climax, Dorothy presents her CASHMERE SWEATER (Toto, in a> >
>>> bravura performance) to the Wicked Witch (who's a MAN, baby). He/she>
>>>> thereupon melts, with gratitude!
>>
>> And thanks to the Wizard's counseling Dorothy's
>> assured they can work it out becase she really
>> loves the Witch, and that's what counts.
>
> From which we get the valuable lesson: Never fly off in a balloon BEFORE
> cashing your counseling checks!
I can eat candy!
> Back to Tor: There's a disturbing possibility that we might see a Syfy
> Original Movie at some point. Imagine that a MAD SCIENTIST, in
> violation of International Treaties specifically prohibiting cloning
> Actor-Wrestlers, decides to CLONE AN ACTOR-WRESTLER! Unfortunately for
> him, a devastating storm destroys his lab, resulting in TOR-NADO! (Or
> would that be too confusing?)
A CGI Tor? how sacrilegious.
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| Re: If only the Weather Channel's TOR:CON index referred to TOR JOHNSON.... [message #289152 is a reply to message #288262] |
Fri, 08 May 2015 20:10 |
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Originally posted by: Prvate Private
On Monday, April 20, 2015 at 4:20:54 PM UTC-4, Doug Elrod wrote:
> Just imagine how different "The Wizard of Oz" would have been!
>
> "Time for go to storm cellar?"
>
> -Doug Elrod (dre1@cornell.edu) ;-)
> P.S. "The Soup" (see reruns this week on the E! channel) had a guest appearance by Paul Feig this week. Not only was he *funny*, but his last name is pronounced "FEEG"! Who knew?
Now I am imagining Tor Johnson with a blonde pigtail wig (kind of looking like the WENDYS mascot) carrying Toto with him in a basket.
It really reimagines the key scenes with a more hilarious edge.
Tor-Dorothy Gale lands in her house, smashing one of the witches.
Glinda the Ambiguous Witch comes down from the sky in a bubble, enchants the dead witches's shoes onto Tor-Dorothy's feet, which then creak and immediately break at the heels. The tops of the slippers rip open. So Glinda enchants the shoes into flat-sole boots with buckles.
The Wicked Witch of the West pops into Munchkin Land in a cloud of black smoke. Declares, "YOU KILLED MY SISTER! GIVE ME BACK MY RUBY SLIPPERS!" (slow pan up from Tor-Dorothy's chest to his face -- witch's facial expression changes from amusement to stunned horror).
At the crossroads near the cornfield, Tor-Dorothy encounters the scarecrow. He does his song, which bores Tor-Dorothy as his expression grows slightly angry. So Tor-Dorothy rips the entire pole-cross of wood from the ground and drags The Scarecrow along like one would a person on a crude one-man stretcher.
Which leads to the Apple Orchard scene where Tor-Dorothy picks an apple and notes, "Hungry". The sentient apple trees declare, "How would you like it if someone picked your apples?!?" as they throw their apples hard at Tor-Dorothy. Tor-Dorothy states, "Hungry, hungry." Walks over to the insulting apple tree, shakes it hard enough for all the apples to fall, then he rips the tree up from the roots and throws it over into the Yellow Brick Road. Then he hears, whispered loudly, "OIL CAN OIL CAN". Tor-Dorothy walks over, thumps the Tin Woodsman on the chest, leaving a deep dent, hears the hollow sound, says, "I FIX". He walks over to the oil can, picks it up, walks back to the Tin Woodsman, and rips the lower jaw off of the face and squeezes the oil can so it is crushed and oil oozes from it into the Tin Woodsman's mouth. The Tin Woodsman begins to cycle through the moves he can do and begins to sing, but is stopped when he realizes he no longer has a jaw. Tor-Dorothy states, "YOU FIXED. WE GO NOW." The Tin Woodsman picks up his axe and Tor-Dorothy crushes the Tin Woodsman's arms like tin foil. Tor-Dorothy wraps the Tin Woodsman around The Scarecrow and he drags the duo behind him, on the rapidly eroded pole-cross.
Further in the woods, the woods begin to roar and howl. Tor-Dorothy looks confused until The Cowardly Lion leaps out. The Cowardly Lion begins his song & dance about needing "courage" until Tor-Dorothy steps forward, punches the Cowardly Lion in the gut and strangles him. Declaring "Tor-Dorothy COLD", wraps the corpse of the Cowardly Lion around chest like a fur vest. And he begins to move forward, but is assaulted by Flying Monkeys sent by the Wicked Witch. They try to grab The Scarecrow & Tin Woodsman pole-cross but Tor-Dorothy just uses it like a flyswatter. Any Flying Monkeys that actually touch Tor-Dorothy are either crushed, stomped, swatted, or flung hard into trees. They do manage to make off with the dog Toto.
(Shall I continue?)
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