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Re: !!!!!!!!!Star Wars Fraternity Skit!!!!!!!!!!!!! [message #287284] Mon, 06 April 2015 01:09
Anonymous
Karma:
Originally posted by: neha.malu.20

Check out my blog https://nehamalu.wordpress.com/2015/04/05/star-wars-and-hind uism/

It mentions about Star Wars and my interpretation of it.
Please share your suggestions, comments and opinions. Thanks!

On Saturday, February 8, 1997 at 1:30:00 PM UTC+5:30, Stefan Lawrence wrote:
> Hey everybody...
>
> I thought you guys might get a kick out of this -- it's a skit that I co-wrote
> with Geoff Kirsch for the on-campus sketch comedy group I'm in at Cornell. It
> went over very well when we performed in November. I played Luke. :) Enjoy.
>
> Stefan Lawrence
> Cornell University
>
>
>
>
> Star Wars Fraternity
> by Stefan Lawrence and Geoffrey Zane Kirsch
>
> A long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far, Far Away...
>
> Part 1:
> (Scene opens on Three Bored Students jest chillin' on stage)
>
> (Frat Boy 1 Enters)
> FB: Hey man, come Eta Pi, Friday, it's gonna be a rockin' party. You gotta be
> there.
>
> Student 1: Okay, thanks.
>
> (Frat Boy 2 Enters)
>
> Frat Boy 2: Here ya go, an exclusive invite to come to Pi Cosine Theta,
> Friday, free mixed drinks.
>
> Student 2: Gee, thanks.
>
> (Darth Vader enters to thunderous applause, and Imperial March)
>
> DV: Come to the Dark Side, Friday.
>
> Student 3: Which fraternity are you from?
>
> DV: Psi - phi.
>
> (Lights out, dammit)
>
> Part 2:
> (Scene opens on Yoda, Jedi-Pledgemaster, Over 21 Kenobi, and Luke)
>
> Yoda: Patience, Luke, patience. You must learn patience. A brother you will
> not become overnight.
>
> Luke: But I want to be a brother now, Yoda!
>
> Yoda: I cannot pledge him, Over 21 Kenobi. He is too impatient. He has no
> tolerance. Like his father.
>
> Over21Kenobi: He will learn tolerance. Just as I learned from you,
> Jedi-Pledgemaster.
>
> Yoda: Hhrrm.
>
> Luke: I know I can do it, Yoda! All my life I've wanted to be a Psi-Phi
> brother, like my father before me!
>
> O21K: Your father was seduced by the Greek side. He has never left the
> fraternity. After you finish pledging, that would make him your father and
> your brother. He's out right now with ChewBacco handing out fliers for the big
> Dark Side party we're having Friday night.
>
> Luke: I know I can prove myself to you. Just give me one more shot!
>
> Yoda: Okay. Over21, fillerup you will.
>
> (Over21 pulls out from cloak shot glass and bottle, fills glass, gives to
> Luke)
>
> Luke: Well, I didn't want to get too drunk, just a little buzzed.
>
> Yoda: Drink, or drink not. There is no buzz.
>
> Luke: Umm...okay.
>
> (Over21 and Yoda chant Drink! Drink! Drink! until Luke does)
>
> (Enter Darth Vader and Chewbacco. ChewBacco waves and spits a wad of tobacco
> juice)
>
> 021K: Ahh, Chewbacco, how went the party publicity?
>
> CB: Arrnnaahh!
>
> O21K: That well, huh?
>
> DV: Luke, you are my son and soon my little brother.
>
> Luke: No, that's not true, that's impossible.
>
> DV: Search your feelings Luke, you know it to be true.
>
> Luke: No! I'll never join you -- wait a second, I am joining you, uh, Dad.
> Sorry 'bout that.
>
> DV: That's cool. But remember, pledge Skywalker, you are not a brother yet.
>
> O21K: Brother Darth is right. To complete your training you must journey to
> our annex in Cloud City, where Brother Calrissian will give you the Jedi
> pledgebook. You then must memorize it for a quiz later. And don't let him ply
> you with Colt .45 either.
>
> Yoda: Ooh, look at time at we will! Yes! Prepare for party we must, hmm?
>
> Luke: Okay, I won't let you down. (exits)
>
> O21K: I'll go to Collegetown to get the keg.
>
> DV: We'll take the Blue Light Imperial Shuttle.
>
> O21K: Okay.
>
> CB: (spits) Arrrbaajdjdhfdkfjkhdfhdsdkfj!
>
> Part 3:
> (Scene opens on Dark Side party, with Star Wars Disco music in the background.
> Everyone is, in a manner of speaking, sloshed. Everyone is on stage, except
> Princess Lay)
>
> Jason (to Tarja): What a great party! Too bad we didn't wear costumes!
>
> Tarja: Yeah, everyone looks so great. Hey look at that guy dressed up as Darth
> Vader! That's awesome!
>
> Jason (going up to Darth Vader): Wow man, that's a beautiful outfit. Lemme see
> your helmet. (starts to pull on his helmet)
>
> DV: Let go of my helmet or I'll be forced to use my Jedi powers on you.
>
> Jason: Jedi powers, that's great. This guy's too much.
>
> DV: I'm warning you...
>
> (Over21 and Yoda come over to prevent ensuing carnage)
>
> Yoda: Darth, fight you must not. Place of peace this is.
>
> Over 21: Yoda is right, old friend. Violence, destruction, death, a Jedi
> craves not these things. A Jedi craves more beer. (Darth walks away, pissed,
> makes his way over to Chewbacco)
>
> Luke: (standing with C3-People and R2-Detox, who is acting as the keg)
> Uh-oh, looks like Over21 Kanobi is sloshed and talking out of his ass again.
>
> Over21: (Comes over and drapes his arms around C3 and Luke) Hey guys, how's
> it going? Hey! C3-People, drink enough to see three of me yet?
>
> C3: I say, Over21 is really pissed isn't he?
>
> R2: Beep-beep-beep-beep.
>
> Over21: Hey, R2-Detox... (Motioning to tap apparatus, on top of R2) Ya
> mind?
>
> R2: Beep-beep.
>
> (Yoda comes over) Yoda: Another one you hit me with, too Over 21, yes. How
> about you, pledge Skywalker, more beer?
>
> Yoda: Here, use "The Force" Luke. (Reaches behind keg and pulls out a beer
> funnel with the words "The Force" on it)
>
> (Enter Princess Lay, to thunderous applause)
>
> Luke: Lay-ya!
>
> DV: Watch it Luke, Princess Lay is my girlfriend and my daughter.
>
> PL: Like Darth, he was just saying hi. Get a Jedi death grip on yourself.
>
> Luke: Wait a second, you're my father, she's my sister, I'm your brother,
> she's your daughter, and you two are going out?
>
> Jason: Wow, I'd like to get her out of that costume. (nudges Tarja)
>
> DV: That's it, I've had enough of you... (looks over at Over 21 who is
> completely smashed)
>
> Over21: (super-slurry) Kick his fuckin' ass Darth.
>
> Yoda: Fight, fight, fight.
>
> (Darth does death grip thing to Jason, Jason dies)
>
> DV: Wow, your boyfriend was a real ass.
>
> Tarja: Oh he wasn't my boyfriend (walks over to Yoda and starts rubbing
> herself against him), at least not anymore. How about you my little green
> friend, wanna introduce me to your littler green friend?
>
> Yoda: Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?
>
> Tarja: No of course not.
>
> C3-People: I must say, this most certainly is a most smashing party. The
> only thing left to do is give master Luke his pledgebook quiz. Jedi
> Pledgemaster?
>
> Yoda: What is my favorite pro-basketball team?
>
> Luke: That's easy, the Dagobah Pistons.
>
> Yoda: Yes. What size frock does Over21 Kenobi wear?
>
> Luke: 34 Long?
>
> Yoda: Yes, last question, this is. What is Brother Vader's major?
>
> Luke: Um, he's a textiles major?
>
> DV: That's correct young Skywalker. Who else but a textiles major could get
> away with wearing this funky leather suit?
>
> Yoda: Congratulations, Luke. You are now a member of Psi-Phi fraternity, it
> was your destiny.
>
> Luke: Oh, happy day!
>
> C3: I say old chaps, to mark this occasion, let us sing our fraternity song.
>
> All Sing: (Give my Regards to Davy) Give my regards to Endor, remember me on
> Tatooine, tell all the boys on Alderaan, that I'll be back again! Rebels,
> Imperial Troopers, we gather here once a year, So throw down light sabers and
> your phasers, and pick up another beer!
>
> Luke: Merry Christmas, everybody! And Happy Holidays, from all of us to all of
> you.
>
> Copyright: Skits-O-Phrenics, 1996
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