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[MSTing] The Last War [3/5] [message #183357] Sun, 11 September 2011 01:11
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> Chapter 3
>
> (A/N: Thanks for the positivity you guys! But I NEED REVIEWS
> DAMMIT! No reviews make me a sad panda 8o(

MIKE : I don't know how many different ways you can really say
"This isn't very good."

> Also, thank you Raquelle you fabulous beta you!)

KEVIN: Once again; Someone else read this, presumably gave
constructive criticism, and we still ended up with this.

> Stout, portly Ginny Weasley looked down the stairs of Number
> 12, Grimmauld Place,

BILL : "Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead..."
KEVIN: Why do I get the feeling she had to be talked down from
writing "fat, ginger slag, Ginny Weasley?"

> a hairbrush in one hand and a stick of lipstick in the other.

MIKE : [Ginny] This clown make-up isn't gonna apply itself.

> Clad in the yellow designer evening dress she insisted that
> Harry buy for her the last time they had visited Madame
> Malkin's, she called out to her husband.

KEVIN: [Ginny, shrilly] HAAAAARRYYYYYYYY!!!!

> "Harry? Is that you? Come here at once and help me tie this
> thing up! We're already late as it is!"

MIKE : [Ginny] If they start the bear beating without us, you
won't hear the end of it!

> Harry, who had only just entered from a long day of
> counteracting curses and chasing down a particularly nasty Neo
> Death Eater,

BILL : ...And not noticing his best friend and co-worker was an
alcoholic caveman.

> sighed and went up. Better to get it over with than having to
> deal with it any longer.

BILL : [Harry] *SIGH!* Better go see what my *wife* wants...

> Ginny was already waiting for him in her bedroom (for she had
> always insisted on separate bedrooms), topless as the halter
> top of her dress hung at her waist.

KEVIN: And this fic just took a turn towards "Hel-LO, Sailor!"
MIKE : [Harry, grumbling] I suppose she's gonna want sex now...

> "What took you so long?" she whined. "I can understand
> arriving fashionably late but this is simply the limit!" She
> turned. "Now, be a dear and tie this up, would you? Mary is
> already getting the children dressed. I still don't see why
> you had to dismiss that house-elf of yours. Kreacher would have
> been dead useful in dealing with the children."

BILL : Um... When did we stumble on a 60s sit com?

> Harry finally took his chance to speak in this rare moment of
> silence from Ginny. "I don't understand why we have to go to
> this party. I thought you hated the Malfoys."

KEVIN: [Ginny] But how can I tell the world that if I'm not
there?

> "Of course I do! But they are the most fashionable and well-to
> do family in the Wizarding World, and it would be simply uncouth
> not to go.

KEVIN: The Weasleys being well-known Wizard society fixtures.
MIKE : So it's "fat, skanky, horrible judge of character, Ginny
Weasley?"

> Besides," she added with a wicked grin, "Malfoy's son is only a
> few years older than Lily, and I think they get along
> perfectly..."

MIKE : [Ginny, haughtily] I'm an utterly shallow social climber,
don't you know?

> Harry gritted his teeth. It was now or never. "Ginny, I want a
> divorce."

MIKE : [Ginny] Okay, fine! We won't go to the Malfoys'!

> Ginny stopped her chatter about what Lily and Scorpius' future
> children would look like.

BILL : Half-human wizard, one-fourth Scarran, one-fourth
Sebacean?
KEVIN: Different "Scorpius", Bill.
BILL : I know; I just like my idea better.

> She stood there, her mouth open stupidly, as if unable to
> comprehend what had just happened.

ALL : BAROOO?

> Finally, she spoke.
> "Excuse me?"
> Harry said again, this time with a little more assurance.
> "Ginny, I want a divorce."

MIKE : [Harry] I'm leaving you for Kreacher.
BILL : Ew...

> Ginny turned to him. By now, he had finished tying up the
> dress, and he couldn't see much of a difference from when the
> top was down. The halter consisted of solely of two narrow
> straps just wide enough to cover her nipples, while the skirt
> had two slits on either side leading up to the thighs.
> Everything else - her back, her midriff, her legs, and all
> around her breasts - was totally visible. And quite frankly, he
> wished it wasn't.

KEVIN: We've replaced canon Ginny Weasley with a crossdressing
Eddie Murphy in a fat suit. Let's watch!

> Ever since Lily was born, Ginny had let herself go. Every time
> Harry tried to broach the subject, she would loudly proclaim
> that her eating habits were just fine, thank you, that Harry
> was being unfair and sexist in trying to make her lose weight,

MIKE : How dare he care about my health and appearance!

> and did he really expect her to keep her Quidditch-toned figure
> after three children?

BILL : Given that you're a Quidditch player - ex-player, I must
assume, I'm guessing "yes?"

> So Harry had sat and watched silently as Ginny poured pancakes
> with bacon, steak and pork smothered in rich sauces, and a
> whole litany of desserts down her throat,

KEVIN: And that was just this morning!

> and watched as it all went to her hips, her butt, her thighs,
> and her stomach - but never, he thought bitterly, to her
> breasts.

MIKE : So she's a fat, vain gluttonous whore... with small
breasts. Lovely.

> Now, the results finally showed. Ginny, in her yellow dress,
> was attempting to come of as a sex goddess, a red-haired
> bombshell, a smoldering sexpot right out of the dirty magazines
> is roommates had kept hidden back at Hogwarts. Instead, she
> came off as too much sausage stuffed into too little casing.

BILL : So Ron turned into every Lifetime Movie villain ever and
Ginny is now the third Fat Slag?
KEVIN: I'm guessing... Charlie's a serial killer, Bill and Fred
are just as evil to their wives as Ron and Arthur and Molly
have been turned into Al and Peggy.

> "Why?"

MIKE : Because you're turned into Jabba The Slut, apparently.

> Her eyes narrowed and her nose scrunched up in what was
> apparently a threatening look, but simply came off as her
> smelling something nasty.

KEVIN: o/~ "WHAM WHAM WHAM", went the bashing! "SQUISH SQUISH
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