| Re: Sith War - Epilogue [message #86559] |
Wed, 19 June 2013 00:55 |
Steve Tilson
Messages: 3
Registered: June 2013
Karma: 0
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Junior Member |
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On Saturday, April 16, 2011 12:52:32 AM UTC-4, Dark Lord Karno Dal wrote:
> His "eyes" cleared slowly, hazy light flowing into them as he roused
> from his sleep. The air surrounding him was acrid and uninviting to
> his nose. "Holy crapola" Chris-Doll swore, flopping his stuffed hand
> in front of his button nose. "This place stinks worse than the
> prequels. Karno must be farting in his sleep ... again."
>
[snip]
>
> Karno grunted in agreement. The lack adversaries had its roots in a
> number of issues. Foremost, after the prequels began turning the once-
> loved Star Wars saga into a rapidly-growing-out-of-control grease
> fire, more and more of the faithful began abandoning the RASS system.
> Additionally, changes in the way the system was governed and regulated
> further lessened the chances that anything in the arena of off-the-
> wall fun might happen.
>
> As the citizens of RASSM City grew tired of the mayhem caused by the
> Sith Wars in general and the Sith Warriors in specific, the calls for
> the city's government to do something grew louder. Mayor Handley and
> the RASSM Senate eventually called upon Ghost Jedi Yoda and Mace Windu
> to address the problem. Along with Ghost Jedi Dalbey, they proceeded
> to officially found the RASSM Jedi Council. They then recruited
> (formerly rogue) Jedi Nolan, Jedi Chitwood, (formerly dark) Jedi
> Maximi, Jedi Al, and Sir Cumference, to officially round out the
> order. Bolstered by a number of newbiewans (or padawan newbies), they
> pledged to restore peace and order to the RASSM Republic.
>
> Bolstered by the RASS Jedi to act as its police force, the RASSM
> Senate passed the Sith Warrior Registration Act, which formally
> required all those who had fought in any of the twenty-two Sith Wars
> to register with the RASS System on pain of death. Further, they
> would have to apply to the Senate's Bureau of Sith War Veterans'
> Affairs for travel permits before leaving their appointed residences,
> providing a full and complete itinerary from which they could not
> deviate, in order to eliminate the chance that any Sith Warriors might
> inadvertently run into each other and ignite another conflict. As the
> reality of the situation set in, the once-mighty Sith warriors
> gradually turned their attentions to more mundane pursuits.
>
> Gerthein, Bas-Jan, Jill-Marie, S1620, and Inertia were elected to the
> RASSM Senate, and have all gone on to become members of Mayor
> Handley's cabinet.
>
> Rather than building a military empire, Dark Jaames C'Ewok set his
> sights on building a commercial empire. He started a madly successful
> chain of Chinese restaurants (James C. Wok) and a highly successful
> breakfast cereal (frosted C'Ewoky Charms, they're magically
> malicious!). He currently runs RASSM's equivalent of QVC and owns
> property throughout vital areas of the system.
>
> Sara "Sal" Waterfall returned to her roots by becoming C'Ewok's number
> two. She now intimidates and/or crushes all opposition in the board
> room, and is in charge of breaking up and selling off acquired
> corporate entities. She's currently rated #2 on Death Star Magazine's
> list of the most powerful corporate executives in the system.
>
> James Trory sought to attain power through legitimate means,
> converting the JTFC from a revolutionary force into the 107th largest
> political party in the RASSM senate (the Trory Party). He has also
> tried his hand at commercial endorsements. (Karno cringed as he
> remembered a few lines from Trory's latest ad: "Hi, I'm Sith Master
> James Trory, and my powers within the dark side have greatly
> increased ... since I started raising Alpacas.")
>
> The Porkenites caused quite a stir when they turned their backs on
> their former idol and went on The Biggest Loser as a group ... and
> won.
>
> Usher has created a pocket industry for himself in outfitting and
> creating tours and events for the growing and somewhat silly legion of
> Sith War reenactors.
>
> Gretel Many and Crunchy have gone on to become action heroes. Look
> for Gretel to star in the latest Tom Clancey Jack Ryan sequel, coming
> next year.
>
> Daniel Miller and the Screaming Gundarks, along with Gray Leader, have
> become champion pilots in the system's new stock ship racing league,
> known as "RASSCAR."
>
> Dark Rendar and Barq gained even greater fame when they won the first
> season of the RASS System's talent competition: Dancing with the Star
> Wars.
>
> Chris Hawkins and his crew have become successful spokeswookiees for
> Rogaine.
>
> Nogrin Dou, Dark Bith of the Sith, launched his own successful
> networking company, Sun Crusher Microsystems, that provides internet
> connectivity to the majority of the RASS System.
>
> Grand Admiral/Dark Lord Kallas converted his fleet of ISDs into the
> systems largest porn studio and currently produces the "Red(Green/Blue/
> etc.) Lekku Bonanza" line of Twi'Lek porn flicks that Chris-Doll loves
> so much.
>
> Politicratus McEwok opened up "Twin Shield Generators," a chain of
> Ewok-staffed breastaurants serving their own brand of what they call
> "yub grub."
>
> JavaJawa started a company (the Utinni Corporation) that is now the
> system's largest supplier of sporks, spork accessories, and second-
> hand droids.
>
> Some Sith Warriors refused to go gently into the night. Steve Tilson,
> Jade, Darth Gumby, and the Happy Butcher, refused to submit to the
> Act, and disappeared into wildspace, beyond the system's borders.
> Rakelle, former JTFC member and later galactic diety, finally gave up
> the mortal plane and became one with the Force.
>
> The great mass of Sith Warriors ... some say the smarter Sith
> Warriors ... (Rimrunner, Cheetah, Drake, and Dannnik Jericho among
> their number) retired to ordinary lives and lived happily ever after.
>
Is... is this the last Sith War post ever?
Because this one makes me cry.
Steve Tilson
- it's pretty unsightly
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