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From: swami@uiucdcsb.CS.UIUC.EDU
Newsgroups: net.nlang.india
Subject: Re: dowry & arranged marriages
Message-ID: <141700055@uiucdcsb>
Date: Fri, 8-Nov-85 10:09:00 EST
Article-I.D.: uiucdcsb.141700055
Posted: Fri Nov  8 10:09:00 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 10-Nov-85 08:36:50 EST
References: <205@cive.ri.cmu.edu>
Lines: 31
Nf-ID: #R:cive.ri.cmu.edu:205:uiucdcsb:141700055:000:1471
Nf-From: uiucdcsb.CS.UIUC.EDU!swami    Nov  8 09:09:00 1985


I think you should make an effort to get as much info as you can before
looking at a girl. It is reasonably easy to get info on height etc.,
family background, photograph, academic background, and even, to some extent,
personal habits and interests, through common friends. After all, that's
usually how the first contact is made - through friends / brokers. Even if
you advertise in newspapers, most people do give a fair amount of info,
at least after a couple of letters.

I think seeing a girl and then rejecting her is bad, because it seems to imply
that there is something wrong with her appearance/manner, and that is hurtful.

(PLEASE, no flames on the word 'reject' - i couldn't think of another)

It is slightly different if you decide against marriage after several conversa-
tions with her, because that indicates incompatibility. But few of us are lucky
enough to be able to do that, given indian views, plus the fact that we go home
only for short durations.

I also think it is a good idea for family/friends to see her first - there is a
psychological difference to the girl if the family rejects her instead, and
anybody who knows you well can analyse most of the same aspects that you would
on first sight.

But ultimately, you can't help a certain amount of seeing and rejecting; you
can only avoid making it seem like a marketplace kind of decision.

swami@a.cs.uiuc.edu
uiucdcs!swami

"i am so full of good intentions, i MUST be on the road to hell"