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From: laura@l5.uucp (Laura Creighton)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Date lottsa people & get some variety.
Message-ID: <259@l5.uucp>
Date: Tue, 12-Nov-85 14:34:51 EST
Article-I.D.: l5.259
Posted: Tue Nov 12 14:34:51 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 14-Nov-85 07:40:21 EST
References: <277@cuuxb.UUCP>
Reply-To: laura@l5.UUCP (Laura Creighton)
Organization: Nebula Consultants in San Francisco
Lines: 42

Thanks, Tom for your note.

Hey Bithead!  Can you read?  Can you say ``Quote taken out of
Context?'' -- about 15 times, loud?  Maybe I pushed all your buttons,
but you sure didn't read what I posted.

I am talking about FIRST DATES and FIRST TIME ASK OUTS here.  First
dates *are* easy come, easy go.  You could go out with a different
person every day of your life and die before you get outside of the
average city!
 
You are talking about WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH IN A SERIOUS
RELATIONSHIP.  This is a different question.  I don't consider a first
date a serious relationship.  

By the way, you confuse ``understanding'' with ``compassion''.  When you
complain of my lack of understanding what you are objecting to is
not that I do not understand what is going on but that I am not responding
to the needs of the hypothetical person.  If this misuse becomes rampant,
I will have to call the understanding people I know wise or something else
(wise has the connotation of old and ancient which I do not always want).

Something to consider is that there is a tradeoff between what is usually
called ``honesty'' and what is usually called ``compassion''.   A good many
people mean ``please leave me with my bullshit, I couldn't bear to know
the truth'' when they ask you to be compassionate.  I think that this is
a faulty understanding of what is actual compassion, but it is way too
late to undo this damage.  These days, I use ``accepting'' where most
people would use ``compassionate''.

In any case, if you are a walking emotional drain, I am not interested in
pursuing a serious relationship with you until you have your shit together.
It will be hard on me, and I will resent you for it, and we will have
loud and unpleasant arguments and it will end messily.  I can do better than
that and so can you.  [Note -- this is the general, and not the specific
``you'' that I am talking about].


-- 
Laura Creighton		
sun!l5!laura		(that is ell-five, not fifteen)
l5!laura@lll-crg.arpa