Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84 exptools; site ihlpa.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxt!houxm!ihnp4!ihlpa!strickln From: strickln@ihlpa.UUCP (stricklen) Newsgroups: net.motss Subject: Re: JR's posting on unfaithful lovers Message-ID: <853@ihlpa.UUCP> Date: Fri, 1-Nov-85 08:10:49 EST Article-I.D.: ihlpa.853 Posted: Fri Nov 1 08:10:49 1985 Date-Received: Sat, 2-Nov-85 07:59:17 EST References: <1158@decwrl.UUCP> Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories Lines: 42 > >Subject: Can we have honest permanent love affairs? YES. > >But I wanted to be with > >someone so badly that I accepted the cheating, unfaithfulness, and everything > >else for about two years. But how honest was your love? If I may be so bold, it seems from this line that you were not seeking love as much as you were seeking security. > >Not only have I been > >played for the fool, but so many people know that I was played for the fool. Most persons can identify with these feelings. The last time this happened to me, I looked around at acquaintances who had been through similar circumstances. Most were calloused, untrusting, unbelieving. It looked ugly to me. I have always been on the naive side, probably more trusting than I should be, but it has always worked for me. Yes, I have been walked on -- but I feel I have gotten much more out of my relationships than I have lost to naivete. Do not dwell on these bad feelings, but rather be proud of the way you have handled your affairs. If you must dwell on something, then spend some time considering how your own actions might have enabled (fancy word I learned from friends claiming knowledge of psychology) your former partner's behavior. Consider how it came to be that you and your partner could have entered into a relationship with such disparate goals. Also spend some time thinking about how you can fulfill your need for security outside a primary relationship -- by strengthening familial ties and nurturing friendships -- by inreased involvement in charitable organizations. If you can lessen dependence on a S.O. for security, you will be more able to walk away from unproductive relationships and less likely to rationalize sticking around for more abuse. You will be more free to love an honest love. Good luck to you,* Steve * credit goes to Dr. Ruth *** REPLACE THIS LINE WITH YOUR MESSAGE ***