Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.3 4.3bsd-beta 6/6/85; site l5.uucp Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!cbosgd!ihnp4!qantel!ptsfa!l5!laura From: laura@l5.uucp (Laura Creighton) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: Date lottsa people & get some variety. Message-ID: <259@l5.uucp> Date: Tue, 12-Nov-85 14:34:51 EST Article-I.D.: l5.259 Posted: Tue Nov 12 14:34:51 1985 Date-Received: Thu, 14-Nov-85 07:40:21 EST References: <277@cuuxb.UUCP> Reply-To: laura@l5.UUCP (Laura Creighton) Organization: Nebula Consultants in San Francisco Lines: 42 Thanks, Tom for your note. Hey Bithead! Can you read? Can you say ``Quote taken out of Context?'' -- about 15 times, loud? Maybe I pushed all your buttons, but you sure didn't read what I posted. I am talking about FIRST DATES and FIRST TIME ASK OUTS here. First dates *are* easy come, easy go. You could go out with a different person every day of your life and die before you get outside of the average city! You are talking about WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP. This is a different question. I don't consider a first date a serious relationship. By the way, you confuse ``understanding'' with ``compassion''. When you complain of my lack of understanding what you are objecting to is not that I do not understand what is going on but that I am not responding to the needs of the hypothetical person. If this misuse becomes rampant, I will have to call the understanding people I know wise or something else (wise has the connotation of old and ancient which I do not always want). Something to consider is that there is a tradeoff between what is usually called ``honesty'' and what is usually called ``compassion''. A good many people mean ``please leave me with my bullshit, I couldn't bear to know the truth'' when they ask you to be compassionate. I think that this is a faulty understanding of what is actual compassion, but it is way too late to undo this damage. These days, I use ``accepting'' where most people would use ``compassionate''. In any case, if you are a walking emotional drain, I am not interested in pursuing a serious relationship with you until you have your shit together. It will be hard on me, and I will resent you for it, and we will have loud and unpleasant arguments and it will end messily. I can do better than that and so can you. [Note -- this is the general, and not the specific ``you'' that I am talking about]. -- Laura Creighton sun!l5!laura (that is ell-five, not fifteen) l5!laura@lll-crg.arpa