Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site decwrl.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!seismo!lll-crg!ucdavis!ucbvax!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-squirt!arndt From: arndt@squirt.DEC Newsgroups: net.flame Subject: TA DA!! 2nd Cosmic ASS Awards!! Message-ID: <1033@decwrl.UUCP> Date: Thu, 24-Oct-85 12:50:04 EST Article-I.D.: decwrl.1033 Posted: Thu Oct 24 12:50:04 1985 Date-Received: Thu, 31-Oct-85 02:45:46 EST Sender: daemon@decwrl.UUCP Organization: Digital Equipment Corporation Lines: 156 Well, well, well. We're off and running for the second bi-weekly award of the Super/Duper Cosmic World Class Ass Award. All you guys and girls who replied to my first Award are sure making it hard to choose the next winner. Perhaps I'll have to award two, eh? You wouldn't be upset if you had to split the honors would you? I guess all the best replies (those written in the heat of the reaction) are in by now so I'll go down the list and announce the new winner and runners up. (Every once in a while I really hit a nerve, eh? This is more fun than callin' my friends up and telling them their son is a Democrat.) Let's see. Remember, "I care" sent in an article of a 'religious' tone and ron vaughn sent in his winning reply flaming "I care". I replied to ron vaughn with the Super/Duper Award and compared him to the others on the net of similar stature. All of whom I've heard from - with the exception of Chui von Rospatch (he's busy composing a reply direct to my system manager!) Ken Perlow filled in for Chui, I guess. (I pronounce it 'Chew-ay' like the geek in Star Wars, Chewy Tobac - somehow that's the image that comes to mind whenever I read any of Chui's postings.) Oh, and Laurie's squeak hasn't come through yet either. Anyway, to the task at hand. Let's start with the old winner! ron vaughn. Gosh ron, if it is true what they say about being able to tell the measure of a man by the stature of his detractors then you have indeed made me look small! The bathroom walls of the Bell site where you work must be filled with your wit and purple prose. And all in lower case. no i won't say anything about your femme terminal and how it might be thought of as a match for your mind. Tell me you are a documentation writer. How else to explain your Super/Duper use of such wonderfully descriptive terms for me as, "F*** Head", "ass/jerk", or phrases like "your pipe-cleaner prick" and "stupid and numb in the brain". Awesome!!! And then some. Well, that's why you got the award! And they say I reflect on MY company!!!! No doubt you voted (if it occured to you to do so) for Mondale and what's-her-name. Aren't you glad Teddy is likely to run in '88? I am. And now my buddy Ken Perlow (standing in for Chui von Rospatch). He claims I, "go right for the jugular by misspelling names and INSULTING THEIR EMPLOYER!" Well, Ken I'm NOT insulting their employers (which happened in this case to be YOUR employer too - any motivation for your complaint there?) but merely asking if the ole company had sold any PCs lately. If you see that as an insult then I believe YOU are insulting your company or at the very least are embarrassed at the question. Who is really insulting the company more in your eyes, me or ron vaughn? Perhaps ron would give us lessons on insults?? Bet he had the 2nd grade in stitches all the time. As for misspelling names . . . welllllll. I only call'em as I see'em and besides, that's what their mommy would have named 'em if she had known how they were going to turn out. How much of Bell time did you use up thinking up 'MIASMA'?? No wonder the machines are late to market! Opps! There I go again. By the way, my stuff just rolls off the old frontal lobes full blown, rarely at work, mostly late at night down in my den with a spider perched on my shoulder. Sorry. You didn't even finish in the running for the next award. No scatology and it even read like you had given it some THOUGHT! You should read more of ron vaughn to get the idea. Better luck next award time. Keep chargin' (or keep jerkin' as ron says). The envelope please! And the next runner up - Sue Brezene!!!! (see I got it right this time Sue) So it's a 'perfectly fine Ukrainian name. Ahhhh, take me back to ole Kiev by the Golden Gate. Ever been back to the Rodina?? I picture you working up a sweat twirling around in your native costume on your potato lumpin' legs stompin' up a small dust cloud and yelling, "Ahhhhhh, Yaaaaaa". Ain't culture great? Look Sue, your supersillious remarks about the Bible were the point of my mentioning you. You did it again in your reply to the Award. "I find the istructions for my PC to be infinitely better written than the Bible . . ." Well, aside from any claims the Bible makes for itself or those made by people who revere it, the Bible has been recognized for thousands and thousands (if Carl Sagon can do it "Billions and Billions" why oh why can't I?) years as a great work of literature which has entered our Western culture and languages more than any other piece of writing. Granted you were reaching for hyperbole (a tip off to a weak mind - I do it all the time) but really a stupid thing to say. Especially your first time when you said something to the effect that you once read the Bible and found it worthless. Ergo, when you made the statement in another posting to the effect that you wear tattered clothes, I, believing clothes signal the person under them, made the connection from your mantle to your mind. Now, perhaps if you read my posting for the sixth time you may see the point. Anyway, Sue of the perfectly fine Ukrainian name, this IS net.flame, ain't it? Or is this media too only for the 'right' kinds of flame? Go ahead, kid me about my name. Hurt me, beat me. Say, I know. Say something about DEC. And how you wonder how they can hire someone like me. Great stuff, what? But sorry. You too didn't include any really good scatology or phrases. (Although you did throw in a :- and the realization that you are now a real person, having been flamed by me.) You seemed at a loss as to just what was expected of you by way of a reply. Surely not the mark of an Award winner. Judging between the next two is really tough. (Between Rich Rosen and Daniel) Rich Rosen, my pal, in a positively wonderful flash of illogic says I pick out as net asses those who attack Don Black!!! (Not to say that there may not be something to that! At least in the way THESE four horsemen write.) In your favor Rich is the fact that your reply is short, silly, and says nothing. You have a wonderful feel for mixing ideas so that no information is passed. Also, in your favor toward the award is your changing my phrase, "some would say" to "everyone would say". What intellectual punch! Up to your usual standards. And your naughty jibe at the "holy trinity" - offend those Christians any which way you can, eh? You too must have kept the 2nd grade rolling on the floor. But again, sorry no cigar. Come on Rich. I know there's a Cosmic Ass Award in there somewhere. Better luck next week. Next we have Daniel! He replies to 'Sue Brezden in Shreds' the article I refer to above. Well Dan, you start out not too bad, "Ken Arndt descends from his high tower . . ." but you fail to follow through with some really inane remarks and 2nd grade name calling. And you bring in the red herring of fat women! You even bring in my wife!!! Good Grief! And the kiss of death of course is your admission, "Normally, I respect Ken's articles." Dan, this will never win you any awards from me. First, I have nothing against fat women - they're always so jolly, eh? My wife would view it as just one more attack on her, so what? But secondly, perhaps you did bring in something of value towards the award - which is why you are closer to the real winner than those we have looked at so far. Your development of the 'fat slob' accusation deserved merit in that it was entirely without merit since I hadn't mentioned it at all. And your mentioning of "something else you wanted to mention but I can't seem to remember it" was really great. That's the sort of thing my detractors use to give an impression of themselves. And I couldn't determine if your line, "My opinion: HOGWASH" was conscious on your part or not. A nice touch if it was. Anyway guy, sorry but you are only the Runner Up this time. Congrats. Don't be sad. Try again. AND NOW FOR THE SECOND BI-WEEKLY SUPER/DUPER COSMIC WORLD CLASS ASS AWARD!!! ************************************************* AND THE WINNER IS: MK notch!!!!! ************************************************* (From Honeywell of course!! I used to work for them. Sold ANY computers lately MK??? Your new PC ought to do well with your 90k plus employees!) Evan Marcus saw your greatness and saluted it. You flog me while calling yourself an ASSHOLE in the same breath! Great stuff. You must look super in your evening gown. Your winning submission deserves to be reprinted in it's entirety: "I just love ASSHOLES who think they are GOD and go and call someone else a twat or something. I think that the author (Ken Arndt) of the above message is an ASSHOLE too for thinking he is far greater than anyone else." Breathtaking!! Unconscious self parody at it's flaming best. A true Super/Duper Cosmic World Class Ass! All the best to you MK (that's pronounced MK) and next week's contestants will have a tough act to follow, eh? That's all for now folks. Keep chargin' Ken Arndt