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From: emery@fluke.UUCP (John Emery)
Newsgroups: net.religion.christian
Subject: Re: To my Christian Family --- What's God doing for and through you?
Message-ID: <1528@vax3.fluke.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 11-Nov-85 00:38:50 EST
Article-I.D.: vax3.1528
Posted: Mon Nov 11 00:38:50 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 14-Nov-85 02:02:30 EST
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In article <2408@cal-asd.fluke.UUCP> ptl@fluke.UUCP (Mike Andrews) writes:
>
>Hi,
>
>Thought it'd be fun to hear from my Christian Family as to the works
>God is Personally doing for each of you and through you.

First of all, I wish to thank Mike for sharing his experiences with us
and hopefully inspiring others to tell what God is doing for them in
their church and personally.

I would like to share a few things that God has done for me.  Much of what
he has done for me has been in my personal life.  However he is starting to
open up opportunities for fellowshipping with others.

Of course the first miracle was when he drew to his Son, Jesus.  I felt joy
and love in a way that I never knew in my life before.  I was living a new
life after I had put Jesus first in my life.  It was great.

Now I would like to share something else I experienced in my life: defeat!
Just when I was getting comfortable with my new life, I started experiencing
the life of a born-again defeated christian.  I wasn't defeated by doubting
my salvation.  I knew I was saved and trusted in God's grace through the
sacrifice of Jesus (This is a story in itself that I would like to share 
later).

The first problem I had was that I could not help from comparing myself with
others.  I tried so hard not to do the very thing I was doing.  I would see
someone who was living apart from God and inwardly I would become angry at
them.  I knew that I was a child of God yet I was sinning by what I felt
inside me.  I kept telling myself to love the sinner and hate the sin and
that Jesus had died for all sinners as I was a sinner also.  Yet inside I
was being defeated.  Even among christians, how easy it was for me to 
think that they were not living the perfect christian life.  Yet I knew that
everything I was thinking was completely wrong.  Yet the impulse to think
these thoughts remained.

Another defeat I was experiencing was that of an unfulfilling spiritual life.
My spiritual "highs" seemed to come and go like a rollercoaster.  A period
of great spiritual joy would be followed by a period of emptiness.  I would
long for the joy I had felt when I first came to Jesus.  I continually looked
back to those times and turned to the things that had inspired me: special
songs, certain bible verses, a particular atmosphere.  I kept remembering
how much I had looked forward to going to church and how much peace was 
present inside of me.  Yet these things did not touch me the same way as 
they had once done.

Finally I didn't seem to be doing a very good job in God's work.  I tried
to show the love of Jesus to others but this didn't always work.  I wanted
to be a light through which Jesus would shine.  Yet when my opportunities
came I didn't feel quite inspired enough.  Sometimes when I knew in advance 
I would be in a situation in which I could show what a loving child of God 
I was, I would try to inspire myself by praying extra hard to God and just 
trying to get in the right mood.  It wasn't coming naturally however. I would
give up because I didn't want to seem phony.  The charity work that I once
felt in my heart as a joy,  became something I did just because it was the
right thing to do.

I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. I was always praying to Jesus
to help me overcome my problems of comparing myself to others, of being
spiritually unquenched, of not being effective in God's work.  Yet I was not
seeing results.  I knew what the problems were and it was my will that
I not do these things which were damaging to my relationship with God.
Here is a sample of a daily prayer:
"Lord Jesus, thank you for giving me the will to live for you daily. Lord, I
ask that you help me to live a life of love.  I ask that you fill me with
your love so that I may be a light to others.  Help me to overcome my
shortcommings."  It seemed that this prayer came up over and over again.

Then I saw the light.  The Spirit lead me to the answer.  The answer was
shocking: Give Up!  Yes, Give Up.  In other words, stop trying and start
trusting.  Notice my prayers:  "Lord *help me* to overcome...".  That was
the problem, I was trying to help Jesus do what he promised to do himself.
I thought I had faith in him yet I did not trust him enough to let *him*
to the work instead of me.  Yes, Jesus had already won the victory in me.
I, however, was getting in the way trying to do what only his divine power
could do in me.  Sure I had enough faith to know I was saved, yet I didn't
have enough to let him work the victory in me.  If you would have asked me
then, I would have told you, "Sure I have enough faith in Jesus."  But I
didn't.

The victory started happening when I realized the answer: Jesus.  It is that
simple: Jesus.  He is my life.  It is Jesus that I live through and by
concentrating on his presence within me and his power, the victory comes
naturally.  God's word states it as a fact and if we don't belive in his
power, we call him a liar.  Jesus has not only set me free from the penalty 
of sin, but also from the power of sin and the power of doubt.  Jesus clearly 
said, "I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin.  Now a slave
has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if
the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." (John 8:34-36).  He stated
that he set us free, and all we have to do is trust.  Things have started to
change.  No longer do I pray, "Jesus, help me to overcome" but "Jesus, thank
you for overcoming and I trust you will continue to do so."  Instead of
prayers of grief, they have become prayers of praise.  No longer do I try
to get inspired so that I may experience God's love, but I turn to Jesus
and trust that he will give me God's love.  And it works, it's great!
Now I continually turn to Jesus as the sole source of victory:
"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith..."
(Hebrews 12:2).  I know now that if I have to try for the victory, it is
not real.

That is one story of what God has done for me.  He is now leading me on to
bigger and better things.  My faith is expanding to fellowship with others.
Although I'm not sure at the moment where he is leading me, I can see some
exciting times ahead and I trust him completely.

faithfully in Christ,

John Emery
fluke!emery