Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: Notesfiles $Revision: 1.7.0.10 $; site uiucdcsb Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxt!houxm!ihnp4!inuxc!pur-ee!uiucdcsb!swami From: swami@uiucdcsb.CS.UIUC.EDU Newsgroups: net.nlang.india Subject: Re: dowry & arranged marriages Message-ID: <141700055@uiucdcsb> Date: Fri, 8-Nov-85 10:09:00 EST Article-I.D.: uiucdcsb.141700055 Posted: Fri Nov 8 10:09:00 1985 Date-Received: Sun, 10-Nov-85 08:36:50 EST References: <205@cive.ri.cmu.edu> Lines: 31 Nf-ID: #R:cive.ri.cmu.edu:205:uiucdcsb:141700055:000:1471 Nf-From: uiucdcsb.CS.UIUC.EDU!swami Nov 8 09:09:00 1985 I think you should make an effort to get as much info as you can before looking at a girl. It is reasonably easy to get info on height etc., family background, photograph, academic background, and even, to some extent, personal habits and interests, through common friends. After all, that's usually how the first contact is made - through friends / brokers. Even if you advertise in newspapers, most people do give a fair amount of info, at least after a couple of letters. I think seeing a girl and then rejecting her is bad, because it seems to imply that there is something wrong with her appearance/manner, and that is hurtful. (PLEASE, no flames on the word 'reject' - i couldn't think of another) It is slightly different if you decide against marriage after several conversa- tions with her, because that indicates incompatibility. But few of us are lucky enough to be able to do that, given indian views, plus the fact that we go home only for short durations. I also think it is a good idea for family/friends to see her first - there is a psychological difference to the girl if the family rejects her instead, and anybody who knows you well can analyse most of the same aspects that you would on first sight. But ultimately, you can't help a certain amount of seeing and rejecting; you can only avoid making it seem like a marketplace kind of decision. swami@a.cs.uiuc.edu uiucdcs!swami "i am so full of good intentions, i MUST be on the road to hell"