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From: ins_aeas@jhunix.UUCP (Earle A .Sugar)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Re: Nominally single???? A voice from the past.
Message-ID: <1080@jhunix.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 1-Nov-85 10:28:49 EST
Article-I.D.: jhunix.1080
Posted: Fri Nov  1 10:28:49 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 3-Nov-85 14:49:11 EST
References: <285@whuts.UUCP> <533@oakhill.UUCP> <286@whuts.UUCP> <473@uvaee.UUCP> <238@l5.uucp>
Organization: The Johns Hopkins University, Inc.
Lines: 61

> In article <473@uvaee.UUCP> cffres@uvaee.UUCP (Chuck Ferrara) writes:
> Pain means *big disappointment*.  You will get enough big disappointments
> in your life without going out of your way to get more.  If you make a
> big emotional investment in ``being able to be the SO of person X'' then
> you are asking to get hurt when person X isn't interested.  You are
> asking to get crushed when person X agrees to go out and then decides after
> a few dates that you aren't really all that compatible.  Stop setting

Maybe so, but if I don't try to make an emotional (and slightly financial) 
investment in a person I'm trying to charm, then its more likely than 
not that the decision that I'm not the one for her will not be made in my 
favor.  

> yourself up so much.  You will end up believing that the world is horrid
> and painful and rotten; you may end up stuck between believing that the
> world owes you a {living date} and full of resentment because you aren't
> getting it.  it is a real sad and painful trap.
   I agree that the world ain't so hot, but it's the only one there is (
religious and extra-terrestrial life arguments aside).  Most people I know 
mope for a few days after a letdown, but I have seen few others who actually 
add cumulative resentment towards the rest of the universe.
> The way out of it is to not care so much whether any particular person you
> are interested in is interested in you.  There are lots of ways to
> organise this to accomplish this effect.  ALready having a SO is the
> easiest, but we have a bit of a bootstrapping problem here.  Asking lots
> of people out is another  good solution. 
That may work in the world as a whole, but most netters are parts of small, 
closed societies such as universities or companies.  If I were to ask out 
a large number of women, even at different times(:-)), word would soon be 
spread around that I had been rejected by these various women.  Who would 
want to take the time to get to know me if they heard that I was a frequent 
reject?  A better solution is to be pickier about who I ask out so the odds 
of a specific person getting attached to me is greater.  This is also quite 
a bit less time consuming than dating hoards of other women and depending 
on statistical probability to find me someone that I can have a long-term 
relationship with.

> Or finding something you like more than dating.
But that takes two, too. :-)
> Good luck!
> -- 
> Help beautify the world. I am writing a book called *How To Write Portable C
> Programs*.  Send me anything that you would like to find in such a book when
> it appears in your bookstores. Get your name mentioned in the credits. 
> 
> Laura Creighton		
> sun!l5!laura		(that is ell-five, not fifteen)
sun!l5!laura
> l5!laura@lll-crg.arpa
-- 
______________________________________________________________________________

Earle A. Sugar
Disclaimer:"I doubt anyone else here agrees with me."
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