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From: laura@l5.uucp (Laura Creighton)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Re: Nominally single???? A voice from the past.
Message-ID: <238@l5.uucp>
Date: Wed, 30-Oct-85 17:09:45 EST
Article-I.D.: l5.238
Posted: Wed Oct 30 17:09:45 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 3-Nov-85 07:50:29 EST
References: <285@whuts.UUCP> <533@oakhill.UUCP> <286@whuts.UUCP> <473@uvaee.UUCP>
Reply-To: laura@l5.UUCP (Laura Creighton)
Organization: Nebula Consultants in San Francisco
Lines: 41

In article <473@uvaee.UUCP> cffres@uvaee.UUCP (Chuck Ferrara) writes:
>
>Sometimes such phrases do come out naturally, but sometimes they don't.
>I have found about prospective SO's being attached the hard way more than
>once and it can be painful. 

You have a problem here.  Finding out that someone is attatched (assuming
that you haven't been having an affair with someone for a year before
finding out that they were married, something which happened to a friend
of mine, or something of that nature) should not be painful.  Mildly
disappointing, okay -- pain - no.

Pain means *big disappointment*.  You will get enough big disappointments
in your life without going out of your way to get more.  If you make a
big emotional investment in ``being able to be the SO of person X'' then
you are asking to get hurt when person X isn't interested.  You are
asking to get crushed when person X agrees to go out and then decides after
a few dates that you aren't really all that compatible.  Stop setting
yourself up so much.  You will end up believing that the world is horrid
and painful and rotten; you may end up stuck between believing that the
world owes you a {living date} and full of resentment because you aren't
getting it.  it is a real sad and painful trap.

The way out of it is to not care so much whether any particular person you
are interested in is interested in you.  There are lots of ways to
organise this to accomplish this effect.  ALready having a SO is the
easiest, but we have a bit of a bootstrapping problem here.  Asking lots
of people out is another  good solution.  Or finding something you like
more than dating.  (( zillion people will tell you that you are crazy to
like anything more than meeting attractive members of the appropriate
sex, but ask yourself this -- how happy are they?))

Good luck!
-- 
Help beautify the world. I am writing a book called *How To Write Portable C
Programs*.  Send me anything that you would like to find in such a book when
it appears in your bookstores. Get your name mentioned in the credits. 

Laura Creighton		
sun!l5!laura		(that is ell-five, not fifteen)
l5!laura@lll-crg.arpa