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From: oaf@mit-vax.UUCP (Oded Feingold)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: scars - permanent hurt
Message-ID: <1065@mit-vax.UUCP>
Date: Sat, 2-Nov-85 11:33:24 EST
Article-I.D.: mit-vax.1065
Posted: Sat Nov  2 11:33:24 1985
Date-Received: Tue, 5-Nov-85 05:28:37 EST
Organization: MIT, Cambridge, MA
Lines: 29


       In  answer  to  Bill Ingogly's apparent distinctions among 
		    Memory, Scars and Permanent Hurt
		and the advisability (maturity?) of same

    I  have  "permanent  hurt" over unkind things I did in the past, and
though I don't enjoy it I feel it's due  me.   The  recipients  of  such
unpleasantnesses  have  mainly forgiven or forgotten them, though in the
fullness of time some have died or I've lost track  of  them.   So  I've
squandered  my  opportunities  to  make  it  up  to  them,  or  at least
acknowledge and apologize for past sins.
    I  don't  think  that makes me a happier person, though I suspect it
makes me more attentive.  I try to consider how I might hurt  others  by
word  and  action, and avoid same.  Good for the pride, if nothing else.
(Maybe it DOES make me happier.)  I would NOT wipe away that  "permanent
hurt."   It's  part  of  my  identity,  and I operate fairly comfortably
within that constraint.

    I  don't think such an attitude is age-dependent, since I've felt it
a long time.  But I suspect that age brings the wisdom  (or  memory)  to
recognize when you've done something unkind, and the guts to (try to) do
something about it before the chance slips away.

    [I didn't dwell on injustices others did me.  They hardly  matter  -
the one who hurts me best is me, by a very large margin.]
-- 

Oded Feingold     MIT AI Lab.   545 Tech Square    Cambridge, Mass. 02139
OAF%OZ@MIT-MC.ARPA   {harvard, ihnp4!mit-eddie}!mitvax!oaf   617-253-8598