Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site cylixd.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!bonnie!akgua!akgub!cylixd!becky From: becky@cylixd.UUCP (Becky Bates) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: Needing Relationships Message-ID: <415@cylixd.UUCP> Date: Thu, 24-Oct-85 17:10:52 EDT Article-I.D.: cylixd.415 Posted: Thu Oct 24 17:10:52 1985 Date-Received: Sat, 26-Oct-85 04:24:43 EDT References: <682@hou2g.UUCP> <500@rti-sel.UUCP> Organization: RCA Cylix Communications , Memphis, TN Lines: 63 > In article <682@hou2g.UUCP> scott@hou2g.UUCP (Colonel'K) writes: > > >When I first read Bill's postings, my reaction was that he was > >coming across as sort of "holier than thou" in his declaration > >that such a need is "unhealthy". ... > > Hey, I'm the first to admit I've been a Love Junkie at times in the > past. For me, emotional health involves several things: the ability to > bounce back quickly from disappointments, the ability to maintain my > perspective about events in my life, the ability to avoid brooding > over things that won't happen or that are unattainable, etc. The > obsessive pursuit of relationships in my own past history and the > feeling that my life was somehow incomplete without an SO seemed > counterproductive. I DON'T think other people are all that different > from me in this respect. > > >My hypothesis is that we ALL need such relationships. However, > >each of us differs in the degree to which we have that need ... > >I don't see any one situation as being more normal than another. > >What's normal is what's right for YOU. > > Agreed to a point. But as I've said before, behavior and dependency > that makes you miserable a good part of the time ain't good for you. > And I believe we can LEARN to approach relationships in different > ways; there's nothing inherent in the nervous system, I think, that > makes some people need love relationships more than others: it's all > learned behavior. You're right when you say that what's normal is > what's right for you, but a person who spends a lot of time pursuing > relationships, thinking about relationships, and feeling lonely is > missing out on a lot of good living. > > -- Cheers, Bill Ingogly MR. Bill I really enjoy your postings and share much the same views that you have expressed in net.singles. Learning to depend or not to depend on people so much is a learned experience and I feel you can replace needs and wants with other things that can be just as fulfilling. Like me if I am not dating anyone for a while I become accustomed to doing things with my friends and getting involved where my energy and self is spent doing constructive things. If you are like me you would like to have a fulfilling relationship that is a mature one and is healthy and is not a substitute for loneliness or whatever. But we cannot always have that and it seems to be hard to even find a "balanced" individual that fits your needs, so what do you do? You get on with life and stop dwelling on the fact that you may not have a relationship with another. It can be a very unhealthy and depressing thing to dwell on, instead turn your depression into someting positive and find out about you instead of getting lost in another. As a Christian I believe that God only wants the best for my life and if I were to stop short of his will for my life, by marrying or whatever, an individual that would satisfy my immediate needs and longings, it would not be what he wanted for me. I would probably be very unhappy with the decision I had made and have to live with it the rest of my life. My belief is a matter of waiting patiently on what God has prepared for my life. Now I do not mean sit in my room and wait for God to drop all my dreams in the mailbox, but I must be patient I cannot make love happen, I have to be patient that at the right time God will deliver. Do not know if this may help anyone it is how I survive in this crazy world. Becky Bates