Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: Notesfiles $Revision: 1.7.0.10 $; site uiucuxc Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!cbosgd!ihnp4!inuxc!pur-ee!uiucdcs!uiucuxc!falk From: falk@uiucuxc.CSO.UIUC.EDU Newsgroups: net.women Subject: Re: Has this news group lost its me Message-ID: <43800019@uiucuxc> Date: Fri, 1-Nov-85 10:46:00 EST Article-I.D.: uiucuxc.43800019 Posted: Fri Nov 1 10:46:00 1985 Date-Received: Tue, 5-Nov-85 22:52:48 EST References: <119@gt-cmmsr.UUCP> Lines: 43 Nf-ID: #R:gt-cmmsr.UUCP:-11900:uiucuxc:43800019:000:2318 Nf-From: uiucuxc.CSO.UIUC.EDU!falk Nov 1 09:46:00 1985 {} Careers and motherhood may not mix easily, but it is a rewarding experience if you can do it. I currently have a 14mo. old child and a career as a computer professional (my husband is also a computer professional). We don't have 9-5 jobs (never have), but that makes things easier to juggle- we can go in at night or on a weekend if we need to be home sometimes during the week with the baby. The work schedules are fine- the hard part for me with motherhood has been growing up and trying to decide what my values are so I can pass them on to my child. My situation is *much* different than my mother's was in the '50s. Dad worked (sometimes 2 jobs to make ends meet) and Mom was at home- that was how they both (seemed) to want it. I missed my Dad a lot when I was growing up and he died 1 1/2yrs. ago just before he had the opportunity to be a grandfather. So, I don't really have a role model from childhood to follow in my current situation. Growing up is also hard. I went off to college, got a bachelors and masters degree and eventually got married (after I had "sown my wild oats"). *None* of that prepared me for motherhood. When my daughter was born, I was awed at the beauty and perfection of a new little person (that my husband and I created!) and overwhelmed by the responsibily of having a small person dep- endant upon me for her very existence. Not just the food, clothes and shelter (although those are of prime importance for a newborn), but the love and guidance required are issues I just never had to deal with before. And we had to give up things- particularly spur-of-the -moment type things ("wanna go to the movies tonight?"). I am also suddenly thrust in the role of teacher and I want to do it right. I want to keep her safe, but I don't want to inhibit her; I want her to learn new things, but I don't want to push; I want to love her, but don't want to smother her; and I want her to learn good values, but I don't know how to teach them. So far(only a 14mo. time-sample), she seems quite happy and well-adjusted (we have taken her travelling with us to Japan and Germany and we constantly got comments about how well she travelled and how happy a baby she seemed). I hope that continues as she encounters more of the "outside world". Connie Falk (falk@uiucuxc.cso.uiuc.edu)