Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site jhunix.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!seismo!umcp-cs!aplcen!jhunix!ins_aeas From: ins_aeas@jhunix.UUCP (Earle A .Sugar) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: Re: Nominally single???? A voice from the past. Message-ID: <1080@jhunix.UUCP> Date: Fri, 1-Nov-85 10:28:49 EST Article-I.D.: jhunix.1080 Posted: Fri Nov 1 10:28:49 1985 Date-Received: Sun, 3-Nov-85 14:49:11 EST References: <285@whuts.UUCP> <533@oakhill.UUCP> <286@whuts.UUCP> <473@uvaee.UUCP> <238@l5.uucp> Organization: The Johns Hopkins University, Inc. Lines: 61 > In article <473@uvaee.UUCP> cffres@uvaee.UUCP (Chuck Ferrara) writes: > Pain means *big disappointment*. You will get enough big disappointments > in your life without going out of your way to get more. If you make a > big emotional investment in ``being able to be the SO of person X'' then > you are asking to get hurt when person X isn't interested. You are > asking to get crushed when person X agrees to go out and then decides after > a few dates that you aren't really all that compatible. Stop setting Maybe so, but if I don't try to make an emotional (and slightly financial) investment in a person I'm trying to charm, then its more likely than not that the decision that I'm not the one for her will not be made in my favor. > yourself up so much. You will end up believing that the world is horrid > and painful and rotten; you may end up stuck between believing that the > world owes you a {living date} and full of resentment because you aren't > getting it. it is a real sad and painful trap. I agree that the world ain't so hot, but it's the only one there is ( religious and extra-terrestrial life arguments aside). Most people I know mope for a few days after a letdown, but I have seen few others who actually add cumulative resentment towards the rest of the universe. > The way out of it is to not care so much whether any particular person you > are interested in is interested in you. There are lots of ways to > organise this to accomplish this effect. ALready having a SO is the > easiest, but we have a bit of a bootstrapping problem here. Asking lots > of people out is another good solution. That may work in the world as a whole, but most netters are parts of small, closed societies such as universities or companies. If I were to ask out a large number of women, even at different times(:-)), word would soon be spread around that I had been rejected by these various women. Who would want to take the time to get to know me if they heard that I was a frequent reject? A better solution is to be pickier about who I ask out so the odds of a specific person getting attached to me is greater. This is also quite a bit less time consuming than dating hoards of other women and depending on statistical probability to find me someone that I can have a long-term relationship with. > Or finding something you like more than dating. But that takes two, too. :-) > Good luck! > -- > Help beautify the world. I am writing a book called *How To Write Portable C > Programs*. Send me anything that you would like to find in such a book when > it appears in your bookstores. Get your name mentioned in the credits. > > Laura Creighton > sun!l5!laura (that is ell-five, not fifteen) sun!l5!laura > l5!laura@lll-crg.arpa -- ______________________________________________________________________________ Earle A. Sugar Disclaimer:"I doubt anyone else here agrees with me." Send all worthwhile comments, followups, etc. to: USENET: ...!seismo!umcp-cs!aplvax!aplcen!jhunix!ins_aeas CSNET:ins_aeas@jhunix.csnet ARPA:ins_aeas%jhunix.csnet@csnet-relay.arpa BITNET: INS_BEAS@JHUVMS (as a last resort) or call 301-889-0815 after 6 P.M. EST Send all flames to: /dev/null