Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site rochester.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!seismo!rochester!dsn From: dsn@rochester.UUCP (Dana S. Nau) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: overcoming shyness Message-ID: <12701@rochester.UUCP> Date: Mon, 28-Oct-85 12:55:24 EST Article-I.D.: rocheste.12701 Posted: Mon Oct 28 12:55:24 1985 Date-Received: Thu, 31-Oct-85 22:38:18 EST References: <1720@dciem.UUCP> Reply-To: dsn@rochester.UUCP (Dana S. Nau) Distribution: net Organization: U. of Rochester, CS Dept. Lines: 44 In article <1720@dciem.UUCP> reid@dciem.UUCP (David Brake c/o Reid Ellis) writes: > >... The idea that if you have trouble meeting people that it >is your own fault, and you should deliberately seek >out things to do to overcome your shyness can become >downright irritating. Well, sure! It's never good to believe "something must be wrong with me because I am". That only makes one feel miserable. A much more helpful attitude is "I would be happier in the long run if I changed about myself, and I think it's worth working on." When I was your age I was very shy, and I didn't have close friends because I was scared of opening up to others. But after a while, that began to feel pretty lonely, and I made a major effort to become more comfortable with people. At this point, I'm very glad I did so--my life is much fuller because of it. >If you aren't happy at parties, >singles bars, dances and other gatherings, it is likely >you will make yourself miserable going to them, and lose >your sense of self-respect. Better to wait for the unlikely >to come out of the blue than to torture yourself by >prostituting your dignity. Overcoming shyness ain't the same as making yourself like parties and singles bars. I do like parties, but only if I have friends there. And I know very few people (if any) who like singles bars. But at the age of 33, I am a LOT better at making friends than I was when I was 19, and I'm really glad of that. > Caveats: >My life experience is rather limited (19 yrs.), and after >many long years of painful waiting, the Long Awaited One >seems to have slidd into my life without the unpleasant >need to do anything except attend classes. I hope you don't interpret this as cynical--but I felt the same way about my first love. We broke up less than a year later--and although that was quite painful, I think in retrospect that it was best that way. Dana S. Nau (dsn@rochester) from U. of Maryland, on sabbatical at U. of Rochester