Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.3 4.3bsd-beta 6/6/85; site l5.uucp Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!harvard!seismo!lll-crg!well!ptsfa!l5!laura From: laura@l5.uucp (Laura Creighton) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: Re: Nominally single???? A voice from the past. Message-ID: <238@l5.uucp> Date: Wed, 30-Oct-85 17:09:45 EST Article-I.D.: l5.238 Posted: Wed Oct 30 17:09:45 1985 Date-Received: Sun, 3-Nov-85 07:50:29 EST References: <285@whuts.UUCP> <533@oakhill.UUCP> <286@whuts.UUCP> <473@uvaee.UUCP> Reply-To: laura@l5.UUCP (Laura Creighton) Organization: Nebula Consultants in San Francisco Lines: 41 In article <473@uvaee.UUCP> cffres@uvaee.UUCP (Chuck Ferrara) writes: > >Sometimes such phrases do come out naturally, but sometimes they don't. >I have found about prospective SO's being attached the hard way more than >once and it can be painful. You have a problem here. Finding out that someone is attatched (assuming that you haven't been having an affair with someone for a year before finding out that they were married, something which happened to a friend of mine, or something of that nature) should not be painful. Mildly disappointing, okay -- pain - no. Pain means *big disappointment*. You will get enough big disappointments in your life without going out of your way to get more. If you make a big emotional investment in ``being able to be the SO of person X'' then you are asking to get hurt when person X isn't interested. You are asking to get crushed when person X agrees to go out and then decides after a few dates that you aren't really all that compatible. Stop setting yourself up so much. You will end up believing that the world is horrid and painful and rotten; you may end up stuck between believing that the world owes you a {living date} and full of resentment because you aren't getting it. it is a real sad and painful trap. The way out of it is to not care so much whether any particular person you are interested in is interested in you. There are lots of ways to organise this to accomplish this effect. ALready having a SO is the easiest, but we have a bit of a bootstrapping problem here. Asking lots of people out is another good solution. Or finding something you like more than dating. (( zillion people will tell you that you are crazy to like anything more than meeting attractive members of the appropriate sex, but ask yourself this -- how happy are they?)) Good luck! -- Help beautify the world. I am writing a book called *How To Write Portable C Programs*. Send me anything that you would like to find in such a book when it appears in your bookstores. Get your name mentioned in the credits. Laura Creighton sun!l5!laura (that is ell-five, not fifteen) l5!laura@lll-crg.arpa