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From: adam@ucsfcgl.UUCP (Adam Janin%Kuntz)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: J.A.P. jokes - May be offensive - NO ROT13
Message-ID: <691@ucsfcgl.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 3-Nov-85 19:57:05 EST
Article-I.D.: ucsfcgl.691
Posted: Sun Nov  3 19:57:05 1985
Date-Received: Tue, 5-Nov-85 06:47:59 EST
Organization: UCSF Computer Graphics Lab
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*** REPLACE THIS ***

Here it is!!  My thanks to the contributers of these jokes.
(By the way, in case you don't know, JAP is Jewish American Princess.)

Some of these are offensive.  They are NOT rotated, so if you are 
going to be offended, hit 'n' now!!  (Send flames to /dev/null).


What does a JAP do with her assholeevery morning?
Dresses him up and sends him off to work!

What does a JAP make for dinner?
Reservations.

How many JAPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three, two to watch and one to call Daaaaddy.

What's a JAP's favorite whine?
"Daddy, I wanna go to Floooorida."

What's the difference between a JAP and a barricuda?
Nail polish.

What's the difference between a JAP and Jello?
Jello wiggles when you eat it.

How do you know when a JAP has an orgasm?
She drops her nail file.

What do JAPs mean when they talk about having sex "dog-style"?
He sits up and begs; she rolls over and plays dead!

How do you get a JAP to stop having sex with you?
Marry her.

What's a JAP's favorite sexual position?
Facing Bloomingdale's.

How many JAPs does it take to change a light bulb?
Two.  One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call Daaadddy.

What do you call three JAPs in a basement?
A wine cellar.

Why did the JAP wear a gold diaphragm?
So her boyfriend would think he was coming into money.

If Tarzan were Jewish and Jane were a JAP, what would Cheetah be?
A fur coat.

How does a JAP eat a bananna?
[Visual joke -- Mime peeling a bananna. Then while "holding" it with one
hand, open your mouth use your other hand (on the back of your head) to push
your mouth into the bananna.  Lost something in the translation?]

What's the difference between a VAX and a JAP?
A JAP won't go down on you.

How does a JAP commit suicide?
She piles up all her clothes and jumps off.

What do you call a JAP on a water bed?
Lake Placid.

What's the definition of a Jewish nyphomaniac?
One that fucks when she's just had her hair done.

What do you get when you cross a gorilla with a JAP?
It can't be done, there are some things a gorilla just won't do.

What's the difference between a JAP and a bowling ball?
You could eat a bowling ball if you had to.

How do JAPs hold their liquor?
By the ears.

What's the difference between a JAP and the Bermuda Triangle?
The Bermuda Triangle swallows seamen.

What's the difference between a JAP and an elephant?
 10 pounds.
How do you get them to be the same?
 Force feed the elephant.

What's the definition of JAP kinky sex?
She moves.

Why won't a JAP ever get a colostomy?
Because she'll never find shoes to match the bag.

What's the definition of a JAP nymphomaniac?
Once a week, whether you need it or not, and don't mess the hair.

What three words will a JAP never hear?
"Attention, K-Mart Shoppers"

What's the difference between a JAP and a vulture?
A vulture waits until you're dead to rip your heart out.

Why does a JAP close her eyes when she's having sex?
 She hates to see anyone else having fun.
 So she can fantasize about shopping.

What's a JAP's definition of foreplay?
Four hours of begging.

What is a JAP's favourite wine?
How come you never take me to Miami Beach anymore?

Why do JAPs like to make love to circumcised men?
They can't resist 20% off.

Why is a JAP like a tampon?
They're both stuck up cunts.

What do you call a JAP's nipple?
The tip of the iceberg.

What does a JAP say to her children before dinner?
Get in the car.

How can you tell when a JAP orgasms?
 She drops her emery board.
  (Extended orgasm.  Takes 5 minutes to pick it back up.)
  She puts her mother on hold.

What's the difference between a JAP and inflation?
Inflation sucks.

What do you call a JAP 10?
A JAP 3 with $7,000,000 in the bank.

How do you tickle a JAP?
Gucci, Gucci, Gucci

How can you tell a JAP at the funeral parlor?
She's the one in the black tennis outfit.

What do you get when you cross a JAP with a computer?
A system that won't go down!

What's the difference between a JAP and a pizza?
A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in an oven.

Whats the difference between a JAP and a bowling ball?
You can only get three fingers in the bowling ball.

Why does a j.a.p. close her eyes during sex?
So she can fantasize about shopping.

What did the j.a.p. say when she knocked over a priceless Ming vase?
Oh, Daaaaddy, it's ok, I'm not hurt.

What's a j.a.p.'s idea of natural childbirth?
No makeup.


If you have any more, please send them to me.

	Adam Janin
	adam@ucsfcgl or janin@cit-vax.

			(Insert clever .signature file here)