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From: barryg@sdcrdcf.UUCP (Lee Gold)
Newsgroups: net.suicide
Subject: Re: misc. ramblings
Message-ID: <2353@sdcrdcf.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 18-Sep-85 12:18:35 EDT
Article-I.D.: sdcrdcf.2353
Posted: Wed Sep 18 12:18:35 1985
Date-Received: Mon, 23-Sep-85 00:30:24 EDT
References: <199@ikonas.UUCP> <230@umich.UUCP>
Reply-To: barryg@sdcrdcf.UUCP (Lee Gold)
Organization: System Development Corp. R+D, Santa Monica
Lines: 40
Summary: 

I used to think about suicide on and off when I was a teenager.  In those
days my life wasn't under my own control.  Between my parents and social
expectations, my main freedom was in the sphere of my own imagination.  I
was stuck with finding potential friends among those my same age, and
found very few.

When I got to be an adult, economically independent, living in my own home,
I stopped feeling suicidal.

Apparently you have accepted a world in which you are not free.  Not free
to look for friends.  Not free to get another job.  Not free to be happy.
I think you should question your assumption that you are enslaved to your
work, to your disgruntled clients; that you need "skills" to make friends.
I think you should look around for a headhunter and try to find a job in
which you won't work more than 50 hours a week.  I think you should decide
if anything else interests you besides your job--and try to get some other
enjoyable activities, if only giving the benefit of your experience to
Special Interest Groups.  I think you should decide you have a right to
pursue happiness (the Declaration of Independence says you do), rather
than merely a right to be a workaholic or to commit suicide so secretly
that no one will know.

By the way, I've lost one friend who was murdered and one friend who died in
a household accident, both when they were despairing.  I know neither death
was technically suicide, but both of them ended up depressing *me* for
years.  Because I'd never be able to be with that person again.  Because
that person had died in pain.  Because that person had died while having
given up on life and I'd never see him happy again.  Even if you fool your
friends into thinking it's an accident, it won't make them any less unhappy.

Groups of loners who seem quite tolerant of unsociable people include SF
fandom, wargamers, and computer hackers.  You might consider looking
around for nearby conventions.  Alternately, perhaps you should try to get
into hobbies mundanes have decided ARE suicidal.  Skydiving, SCUBA diving,
witchcraft, D&D, fugu eating....Either way, the way to find friends is to
find out who YOU are and what YOU like--and then look for others who
resonate with that, not to change yourself.  Why would anyone want a friend
who's fond of his counterfeit self, not his real self?

--Lee Gold