Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2.fluke 9/24/84; site tpvax.fluke.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!harvard!seismo!hao!hplabs!tektronix!uw-beaver!fluke!inc From: inc@fluke.UUCP (Ensign Benson, Space Cadet) Newsgroups: net.bizarre Subject: Re: Mounting Toilet Paper Rolls Message-ID: <708@tpvax.fluke.UUCP> Date: Fri, 27-Sep-85 15:01:53 EDT Article-I.D.: tpvax.708 Posted: Fri Sep 27 15:01:53 1985 Date-Received: Wed, 2-Oct-85 20:24:26 EDT References: <947@vax2.fluke.UUCP> Distribution: net Organization: The Digital Circus, Sector R Lines: 75 > > How do I mount a toilet paper roll? > > Well I usually start by buying it a drink. Me too, me too! Good starting lines are "Do you come here often" and "What's your sign?" > Dave Van Ess > > ps What we need now is a list of applications for the empty tube. > (Known at our house as the "toot-ta-loo".) There must be at least 101 uses for those old spent, dismounted tootaloos. (Great name, by the way.) Here is a partial list of things I have used them for: 1) Periscope. Takes three tootaloos, two mirrors, and some Contact (tm) paper to decorate. Also kaleidoscopes, telescopes (GO HALLEY!) and scanning electron microsopes. For this last, you'll need a few other parts than for your basic periscope. 2) Little bitty shipping containers. Good for small posters (Dave Van Ess is a big poster, however, so they wouldn't work for one of them.) Also can be used for sending home those little bottles of booze they sell on aeroplanes. 3) Crystal radio coil. Lacquer it, poke two holes in it and wrap some wire around it. H-P makes an instrument for figuring out the capacitor you need, so the wire size and number of turns is unimportant -- just keep the color field oriented perpendicular. 4) Tootaloo kazoo. This takes some work, but the other major parts are a large "spoon" fishing lure, a bit of waxed paper, three Canadian dimes, two drops of super glue, a number 3 wapner, and Contact (tm) paper for decoration. 5) Cement form for making columns for model Greek temples. I do this *all* the time! 6) Removal handles for fluorescent lights. You have to cut the toot along it's length, so be sure not to use one you had set aside for your scanning electron microscope. 7) Cylindrical caskets for deceased microprocessor chips. For this application, I usually line the toot with velveteen (or Velveeta) and cover it with wood-grain Contact (tm) paper. 8) Privacy chambers for Habitrails. My hamster likes to undress in the closet, and I've made little bitty coat hangers from paper clips. 9) Bomber-sized rolling machine. This takes basically the same parts as for the kazoo, only more. A fairly efficient bong (87%) can also be constructed for those who aren't into rolling. 10) One-shot Polish microcannon. Tape three together, plug one end, poke a hole near the plugged end, squirt in half a teaspoon of lighter fluid, insert a ping-pong ball in the open end, shake it up, and light the hole. BE CAREFULL!! Hamsters freak out when these things go off while they're undressing. Mine is still pissed off about an incident that occurred last St. Swiven's Day. I have complete plans for all these devices, and you can get a cassette tape of this posting by sending two dollars in stamps or coin to the Merkle Press. *** REPLACE THIS LINE WITH YOUR MESSAGE ***