Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site ut-sally.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!cbosgd!gatech!ut-sally!raghu From: raghu@ut-sally.UUCP (Raghu Ramakrishnan) Newsgroups: net.nlang.india Subject: Re: Marriages and Dowry Expires: Refere Message-ID: <3046@ut-sally.UUCP> Date: Sun, 29-Sep-85 18:04:19 EDT Article-I.D.: ut-sally.3046 Posted: Sun Sep 29 18:04:19 1985 Date-Received: Fri, 4-Oct-85 03:56:27 EDT References: <5585@fortune.UUCP> <51700004@uiucdcsp> <3039@ut-sally.UUCP> <2430@ut-ngp.UTEXAS> Reply-To: raghu@sally.UUCP (Raghu Ramakrishnan) Organization: U. Texas CS Dept., Austin, Texas Lines: 29 > Is 'welfare' (for a woman) equivalent to being married? > Especially if 'marriage' amounts to the purchase of a groom? I've tried to summarise rama@ngp's points. They are both valid questions. My personal views on these questions are less important (especially since I have no sisters or daughters!) than the views of Hindus at large. In this context, the answer to the first question is an unequivocal YES. Let me emphasize that this does not reflect my personal opinion, and that I am not implying that this should be so. I am just pointing out a fact of life. Changing this view of women and marriage is going to take a very long time. As to the second, given that the custom is so pervasive, if you rule out everyone who takes dowry, you may rule out all suitors! And given that you consider marriage a sine qua non, you throws in your pennies and takes your chances. Anyway, all this begs the point that I was trying to make. If there are resolute people who wish to refuse to offer dowry, that's great. I was just observing that the much simpler (and complementary) action of refusing dowry was itself a rare phenomenon; and that even educated and wealthy (the latter attribute merely emphasizing the fact that they don't need the money) grooms were willing to sell themselves. Part of the answer (to why such grooms sell themselves) may lie in one of our many social hypocrisies. We condemn dowry, and in the same bated breath say "He got FIVE lakhs in dowry!!". aarrggh.