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From: rama@ut-ngp.UTEXAS (rama)
Newsgroups: net.nlang.india
Subject: Re: Marriages and Dowry Expires: Refere
Message-ID: <2430@ut-ngp.UTEXAS>
Date: Sun, 29-Sep-85 11:47:16 EDT
Article-I.D.: ut-ngp.2430
Posted: Sun Sep 29 11:47:16 1985
Date-Received: Fri, 4-Oct-85 05:35:46 EDT
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Organization: The University of Texas, Austin, TX 78712
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The debate on dowry, or shall I say discussion, has been going
on for a couple of days now and perhaps it is time we Indians
sort the issue out.  
Since Raghu's article is the most recent, and in a way
the most verbose, let me respond to him.
Raghu, you have used two or three terms in your posting
that may warrant a closer look.
One, you talk of the inability to find a "good match" (my inverted
commas) without a substantial dowry.
Would you really feel happy if the only "good match"
you found for your sister/daughter  was one that you had
to purchase?   
Would you be willing to marry the girl whose father/brother
pays you the highest dowry?  
If the thought of accepting dowry repulses you, then
then obviously in your personal philosophy, accepting
dowry is abhorrent.  Then why pray marry your
sister/daughter to someone who
practices a repulsive pernicious practice?
Two, I somehow feel uneasy with the concept
of finding a match for one's sister/daughter.
If one looks beyond the obvious, it is reflective of 
our philosophy that the females in our (Hindu) society
are incapable of acting on their own and living
their own lives.
There is no doubt that almost all the Hindu
marriages in India are arranged and the decision
making process in arranged marriages is hardly democratic.
Of course, one might well make the argument
that women in India lead a very sheltered life, and consequently
are not capable of choosing between the good and the bad grooms.
Well, do the parents/ elder brothers do a very good job
when the predominant criterion seems to be dowry?
At the worst, the role of the male is to carry information
so as to enable clearing of the market, which is accomplished
by finding buyers at the price the bride's party is willing
to sell.
At the best, the males in the bride's family conduct some background
checks on the lifestyle of the male.
All things considered, the female's life in India doesn't
seem to be very enviable.
Which now brings us to Raghu's thousand dollar question --
If the only way you can find a decent match for a girl is by offering
dowry, and if dowry giving is unacceptable to you, is it
proper to put your principles before the welfare of your
sister/daughter?
I am sorry Raghu, but if you dig a little deeper into your
question, you will want to ask yourself --By selling
my sister/daughter to some bidder in the marriage market
is her welfare assured?  Is that what the welfare of an individual
is all about?
I am convinved that you will want to reconsider your priorities.
As long as we uphold the idea that a woman is only happy
or most happy when she is married, your question
is a moot one.
But if we redefine welfare so as to accord women the role
they deserve and that they have been so wrongfully denied
for centuries, maybe you would want to ask to ask yourself
different questions.
Women are the spine of every nation, they work far harder
than males, are almost always in the unwaged sector
in many nations, particularly the third world
and work under far hazardous conditions than males do.
e.g. Over half the total energy consumption in India
comes from non-commercial sources, mostly fire-wood
and a little cow-dung.
The firewood consumed is not in the form of large logs or thick branches
but consists predominantly of twigs. leaves, small branches and
other items. In a survey in a village called
Ungra in Karnataka, it was found that women spent between six
to eight hours collecting this "firewood", and figures
for the nation were expected to be comparable.
(I would be glad to supply references to anyone interested)
Given that a day's inhalation of wood smoke (which is what 
almost all our rural women go through) is equivalent
to smoking six packs of cigarettes a day, need we elaborate any
more. ( See Anil Aggrawala  -- The State of Indian Environment
1984)
There is a lot more to this discussion of dowry,
but for the moment I shall stop here.
Perhaps more from my side later.


Given k