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From: laman@ncr-sd.UUCP (Mike Laman)
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Re: 2-year-old afraid of rain.
Message-ID: <282@ncr-sd.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 9-Sep-85 20:35:09 EDT
Article-I.D.: ncr-sd.282
Posted: Mon Sep  9 20:35:09 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 15-Sep-85 12:05:31 EDT
References: <180@kitc.UUCP>
Reply-To: laman@ncr-sd.UUCP (Mike Laman)
Distribution: net
Organization: NCR Corporation, Torrey Pines
Lines: 75

In article <180@kitc.UUCP> jtb@kitc.UUCP (J. Burgess) writes:
>Our neighbor's two-year-old boy has recently become very afraid of rain,
>to the point that he screams every time it rains even lightly.
>The presumed cause (according to his mother)
>is several recent violent thunderstorms, but the fear
>extends to non-violent storms, as well.
>	:
>	:
>	:
>	John T. Burgess, Jr.

Try to get the child to take showers with his father or mother.  When the child
gets comfortable with that, 1) then mention to the child that the shower is
water falling from the shower head, 2) rain is water falling from the clouds,
3) then hit the kid with all the good things about rain (flowers/plants
need water to grow and stay pretty, ...), and maybe a little cute humor
(like rain is how animals take shower).  Reinforce the point that rain is just
"goody" water.

I have a 2 1/2 year old girl, a 13 month old boy and a 3 week old boy and have
helped my oldest overcome fears.  I find a little silly humor and getting her
comfortable in "similar" situations helps her overcome what odd fears she has
had.  She once hated showers.  She got scared if she was up in my arms when
in our shower.  She had never slipped in my arms or the like.  It wasn't a fear
of falling; just a fear of showers.  Probably the rushing and sound of the water
creating a new feeling on her skin that she hadn't ever felt before?  She has
finally gotten over her fear of "trashmen" (sanitary engineers).  When we
moved into our "new" house with an alley against the back wall of the backyard,
she got scared of the men with masks and the LOUD(!!) truck.  I think the
loudness really made her feel very uneasy (I know that loud sounds is one
of the two basic fears believed (by some) to be inborn in children.) and then
the men (happened to be black so maybe she had an even harder time recognizing
a nose) had a mask across his mouth and face.  We were looking over the fence
at the big truck taking away the trash when the driver got out to help the
man loading the truck (we had 31 bags of trash from a large cactus we ripped
out).  He stopped, looked over at us, and said hi.  She really got scared.
That was the most scared I have ever seen her.

I attacked the problem the same way.  For a few weeks we would talked about how
the neighbor across the street gave the men some cookies ((luckily) by
coincidence).  That the men wore the masks so they wouldn't breath the
"yucky" dust and smell the "yucky" trash.  When ever I barbequed dinner, I
picked her up and we'd "just happen :-)" to get in the way of the smoke.
"See how hard it is to breath that air.  Whheewww.  That's why those men
wear masks.  I wouldn't want to breath that air all day; would you?"
[ She also has the characteristic of talking about things that bother her.
  She seems to like to repeat good things about unsettling topics almost like
  she is trying to make herself a little comfortable with the problem. ]

The point is to get them to HELP them feel in themselves why there is no need
to be scared.  You can talk until you are BLUE in the face.  If you don't
get them to feel what you are saying to them, you won't convince them!  They
have a hard(!) time understanding us.  You have to give them a similar type of
situation that they are comfortable with.  Then try to get them to see the
similarities.
If the problem is simplier, then get to feel comfortable around it (like the
fear of the shower).  It sounds like you'll need the harder approach of getting
them to feel comfortable with a similar situation, then help them "see" the
similarity with their scary situation/fear.
Then help them confront their scary situation WITHOUT pushing.

I'm sorry, for the length of this message, but I do want you to know that I have
experience in what I say.
I hope you can find this of some use and that your neighbors can tailor it to
fit the child and situation.  Just don't push.  I learned that early with the
problem of being scared of showers.  For a while, she just watched me take
a shower.  I'd splash her with a little water; get her giggling a little.
Before long she saw the shower didn't hurt me and occasionally, when she was
in an adventurous mood, she wanted to come in the shower for a couple of
minutes.

Sigh.  They grow up so fast.  That seems like such a long time ago....

		Mike Laman
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