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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxt!houxm!ihnp4!inuxc!pur-ee!uiucdcs!bentrup
From: bentrup@uiucdcs.CS.UIUC.EDU
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Nominally single????
Message-ID: <26600141@uiucdcs>
Date: Fri, 4-Oct-85 20:03:00 EDT
Article-I.D.: uiucdcs.26600141
Posted: Fri Oct  4 20:03:00 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 6-Oct-85 15:07:09 EDT
References: <285@whuts.UUCP>
Lines: 36
Nf-ID: #R:whuts.UUCP:-28500:uiucdcs:26600141:000:1710
Nf-From: uiucdcs.CS.UIUC.EDU!bentrup    Oct  4 19:03:00 1985


**do i really need this line here? **

/* Written  6:59 pm  Oct  4, 1985 by bentrup@uiucdcs.CS.UIUC.EDU in uiucdcs:net.singles */
In article <431@rti-sel.UUCP> wfi@rti-sel.UUCP (William Ingogly) writes:
>>No one is ready for a sustained and giving relationship with another
>>person until he is happy with his own life and likes and respects
>>himself as a person. 
Pooh responded with:
>Or in other words, you're not ready to live with anyone
>else until you've lived alone enough.  
>
>Wait a minute. . .that doesn't sound right.  How do you
>learn to live with someone except by doing it?  Once you
>learn not to need anyone else, how do you learn to let them in
>again?  It seems to me that there's more required than just being
>able to get along with yourself--I know LOTS of people who
>can do that just fine; it's learning to give and take that they
>fail at.  And THAT can only be learned with practice.

I agree that people can be quite happy with themselves and fail
miserably at giving (and some people I knew would never be able
to give/share regardless of the practice).  However *I* didn't 
read Bill's statement as being one that "you're not ready to live
with anyone else until you've lived alone enough".  I think living
with someone or alone is immaterial here.  For a relationship to 
succeed and grow both partners must be 'whole'.  If a person is
missing something in their own life, I don't think that they're 
going to be able to find it in someone else's life.  The solution
must come from within. So until the person has their own self 
respect, Bill is right a 'sustained and giving relationship' is 
not possible.

John.

(oops!  practice practice practice!!  Now one more time! )