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From: tmorris@convex.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Whats for dinner?
Message-ID: <36700047@convex>
Date: Tue, 20-Aug-85 12:30:00 EDT
Article-I.D.: convex.36700047
Posted: Tue Aug 20 12:30:00 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 24-Aug-85 03:20:28 EDT
Lines: 117
Nf-ID: #N:convex:36700047:000:3160
Nf-From: convex.UUCP!tmorris    Aug 20 11:30:00 1985


 

	As the years have progressed , and *scientific* research on diet
and health has systematically crossed one thing after another off our menu,
very little is left to consume. With great *respect* for their work , I 
present the following list . Although it is just a summary of their work,
their work speaks for itself and therefore qualifies for this posting !




         W H A T S        F O R       D I N N E R   ?

A collection of gastronomical no-no's I have heard or read over the years.

	Don't eat steak , the cholesteral will give you heart disease !

	Don't eat ocean fish , they are loaded with mercury and you
	could die of cumilative heavy-metal poisoning !

	Don't eat raw honey , it can contain bacteria causing acute
	botulism !

	Don't eat processed honey , you don't know whats in it !

	Don't eat pork , you could get trigonosis !

	Don't eat barbequed meats , the charcoal could give you cancer !

	Don't eat pizza , mozzarella  cheese is full of cholesteral !

	Don't eat ice cream , the milkfat is saturated !

	Don,t eat vegetables from the store , you don't know what they've
	been sprayed with !

	Don't eat vegetables that have not been sprayed , they may have
	worms or aphids !

	Don,t eat vegetables from a can , all of the nutrients have been
	cooked out !

	Don't eat sugar , it can cause tooth decay and diabetes !

	Don't eat artificial sweeteners , they can cause cancer !

	Don't eat potatoe chips ,they are full of saturated fats !

	Don't eat salt ,it causes high blood pressure !

	Don't eat liver , its full of cholesteral !

	Don't eat shrimp , they are scavengers , and eat all manner of
        grody dead sea creatures !

	Don't eat white bread , it has no fiber !

	Don't eat fresh water fish , they contain parasites ,and you
	could choke on a bone !

	Don't eat butter , its full of saturated fats !

	Don't eat margarine , you don't know whats in it !

	Don't eat peanuts , you could choke !

	Don't chew ice ,you could break a tooth !

	Don't eat chocolate , it makes your face break out !

	Don't eat sweets , they rot your teeth !

	Don't eat onions , they give you bad breath !

	Don't eat spicy foods , they could give you ulcers !

	Don't eat Chinese food , they use monosodiumglutamate !

	Don't eat green apples , they give you cramps !

	Don't drink pasteurized milk , all of the beneficial bacteria
	have been killed !

	Don't drink raw milk , the harmful bacteria can kill you !

	Don't drink city water , it has chlorine !

	Don't drink well water , you don't know whats in it !

	Don't drink coffee , it has caffiene !

	Don't drink Cokes , they rot your teeth !

	Don't drink European wines ,they have etheleyne glycol !

	Don't drink tea , it has caffiene !

	Don't drink decaffinated coffee , the process used to remove caffiene
	creates carcinogens !

	Don't drink beer , you'll get a gut !

	Don't eat popcorn , its hard to digest !

	Don't eat hot dogs ,they are full of meat byproducts and artificial
	color !

	Don't eat fried foods , they're greasy !

	Don't eat beans , they give you gas !

	Don't eat radishes , they give you heartburn !

	ABOVE ALL ---- DON'T EAT YELLOW SNOW !!.

.