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From: woods@hao.UUCP (Greg Woods)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Long-distance relationships
Message-ID: <1707@hao.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 23-Aug-85 12:53:29 EDT
Article-I.D.: hao.1707
Posted: Fri Aug 23 12:53:29 1985
Date-Received: Mon, 26-Aug-85 00:46:12 EDT
References: <1105@cbdkc1.UUCP>
Organization: High Altitude Obs./NCAR, Boulder CO
Lines: 34

> I used to think of an LDR as a relationship with all of the same
> potential as a local relationship. That led to disaster since
> it was NOT easy to have the closeness and communication needed.

  An LDR CAN have the potential of a local relationship, but only if two
elements are present: 1) You know exactly how often you will see each other;
and 2) You know exactly when the relationship will become a local one.

> I always got disappointed. Now, I look at an LDR as limited
> and act and think accordingly. An LDR can be fun, exciting, adventurous,
> pleasing, rewarding, etc., etc. It is also possible that one can 
> turn into a local relationship (as has been proven on the net!),
> but I don't expect it any longer. 

  You just hit the nail on the head. The reason you were disappointed before
was because you had expectations. When you have expectations, and reality
doesn't match them, disappointment is the result. In any relationship,
but ESPECIALLY in an LDR, it is important not to have any expectations, or
if you do, to be aware of what they are and resist the impulse to compare
them with reality.

> I explain where I'm at before getting
> into an LDR, and only do so with like-minded females. 

  An excellent way to discourage THEM from forming expectations.

> This way of looking at LDRs may not be comfortable for everybody. It's largly
> a product of my wanting a lot of space and freedom in general.
> This kind of LDR fits nicely with that for me.

  Knowing CLEARLY what you want, and communicating it in an honest and
straightforward manner, can avoid a LOT of disappointment later.

--Greg