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From: john@moncol.UUCP (John Ruschmeyer)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Your SO's friends and you
Message-ID: <467@moncol.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 15-Aug-85 22:35:34 EDT
Article-I.D.: moncol.467
Posted: Thu Aug 15 22:35:34 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 18-Aug-85 04:18:59 EDT
Organization: Monmouth College, West Long Branch, NJ 07764
Lines: 52


   Just recently, another netter and I were exchanging e-mail about our
recent breakups with our respective SO's. Although the cases were very
different, they did have one thing in common- a dominant friend (or friends)
of the SO who contributed directly to the breakup.

   In my case, it was mostly a question of who commanded the most of my
SO's time. Although we dated for six months, we never went out on a weekend
because that was when her friends were home from school, off from work, or
whatever. Even weeknights caused difficulties- on more than one occasion
she would forget to return a call because one of her friends would call and
she would rush out. My favorite was how she could say on Monday that she
was too busy to go out because of school, but find the time to go with
her friends to a local amusement park on Friday.

   It was even one of her "friends" that broke us up. She, four of her
friends, and I were at a "party" about six weeks ago. She had disappeared
for awhile and while she was gone, one of her friend got me to talking
about how she and I met, our relationship, etc. I made the mistake of
mentioning, in confidence, a few of my petty gripes (including what I
said above). (I honestly thought that the answer would help me better
understand my SO or that her friends might help her understand me.) Well,
after I left, this "friend" told her everything I had said plus a
misunderstood or misrepresented version of something that I didn't even say
about her. Needless to say, I had to deal with an irate person at 1am on a
Sunday morning (thank God I was still awake :-)


   Now before the flames start, let me say that all this did not happen
without much forebearance on my part. I realize that she had known these
people for *much* longer and so I had to be understanding- I tried very
hard to be. Really! It seems to me, however, that dating a person does
carry some responsibilities to that person also.

   We have had discussions in this newsgroup about dealing with SO's
parents, co-workers, and even ex-SO's. I would be very interested in seeing
some discussion about dealing with an SO's friends. I assume I am not the
only one with these problems. :-)


-- 
Name:		John Ruschmeyer
US Mail:	Monmouth College, W. Long Branch, NJ 07764
Phone:		(201) 222-6600 x366
UUCP:		...!vax135!petsd!moncol!john	...!princeton!moncol!john
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Disclaimer:
	Monmouth College is a mecca for diverse opinions. It is, therefore,
	highly unlikely that the above opinions are those of anyone but me.

Silly quote:
	Around here we don't have cuisine. We have EATS.