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From: csdf@mit-vax.UUCP (Charles Forsythe)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: attitude
Message-ID: <549@mit-vax.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 6-Aug-85 11:11:13 EDT
Article-I.D.: mit-vax.549
Posted: Tue Aug  6 11:11:13 1985
Date-Received: Fri, 9-Aug-85 02:29:55 EDT
References: <1093@pucc-i>
Reply-To: csdf@mit-vax.UUCP (Charles Forsythe)
Organization: MIT, Cambridge, MA
Lines: 50

In article <1093@pucc-i> aaz@pucc-i (Marc Mengel) writes:
>	  Ok.  Lets say I go out to our ficticious dance hall, with my
>     full Joe Studd emotional armor in place.  I say, "Hey baby, spit or
>     swallow?" (all the while keeping in mind that she is merely a sex
>     object :-) ) and she goes for it.  Now its the next morning, or a
>     week later, (or whenever) and I really want to tell her about my
>     passion for Japanese Flower Arrangement.  How do you drop the Joe
>     Studd act and become a Real Person?  

I think people confuse self-assuredness with Joe Studd. For many years,
I made my transistion from computer nerd to social person by fawning all
over my SO's -- catering to them and changing as much as possible.
Naturally, this failed miserably.

Finally, I got sick of being dumped and became less dependant on having
an SO.  Because of this, I began to act any way I pleased and I didn't
care what people thought. I let all my eccentricities hang out. This
meant being laughed at a lot. When I would show up at a Wellesley College
party dressed in a black leather jacket and a fushia scarf, none of
the ultra-preps would look twice at me (without laughing audibly).
Instead of walking out embarrassed, I would have a good time by talking
to my friends (they were "girl-hunting" and failing miserably). 

To give an example, at one party the only female who talked to me came
up and said,"Do you wear an earing so you can be more like a girl?" A
year earlier and I would have welcomed the attention and said something
stupid and patronizing -- but instead I just said,"Go away." I didn't
make a big hit, but I did maintain my self-respect. I think women can
sense self-respect.

Slowly but surely, women started to come out of the woodwork actively
looking to get my attention. Because I was not putting on an act (I
happen to LIKE my fushia scarf, leather jacket and earring), the women I
was attracting were the ones I would be looking for.

Honestly, the sort of woman who would be attraccted to my kind of
profile was a little wierd -- but this time *I* had some control, and if
I didn't like her, I would break off the relationship. Soon enough,
somebody else would come along. Finally, I found EXACTLY who I'd always
been looking for (that was a year ago).

I don't know why, but it's easier to find people when you just plain
give up looking.

-- 
Charles Forsythe
CSDF@MIT-VAX
"I was going to say something really profound, but I forgot what it was."
-Rev. Wang Zeep