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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!ucbvax!decwrl!levasseur@morgan.DEC (Ray  EMD & S Admin  223-5027)
From: levasseur@morgan.DEC (Ray  EMD & S Admin  223-5027)
Newsgroups: net.religion
Subject: Some Personal thoughts on coming to know God
Message-ID: <88@decwrl.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 22-Aug-85 11:09:57 EDT
Article-I.D.: decwrl.88
Posted: Thu Aug 22 11:09:57 1985
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    I have never posted to tis group before but have been casually reading
it for the past few weeks. I would like to share what I believe God has
become to me. I see a lot of Agnostic as well as Fundamentalist dogma being
passed back and forth across the network.
    From the time I was a small boy I was a God Hater; to me he was a big bully
who only punished sinners. There was no love involved from my VERY strict Cath-
olic upbringing. The Nuns were the Marine Corps of the church as far as I was
concerned and continually warned the children of the sure punishment od an
eternal hell for the mischiefous child. This was all back in the early 50's so
I know times have changed a little in the church. The damage done to countless
people by misinformed Catholic clergy back then is legion. Talk to any psycho-
therapist and he can tell stories of the walking wounded; some irreparably
damaged by the programming they recieved as children.
    God and I were not on speaking terms until my life reached a crisis point;
my Dad was dieing (we had never been close) and my marriage was falling apart.
I got involved with some Fundamentalist  and could only find "Condemnation" for
me in their readings. I obsessively read my Bible every day until I had a break-
down. It took a very compassionate Protestant minister and therapist to help
guide me back to rationality. After I started offloading the deadly burden of
guilt that my upbringing placed on me I was able to view God and Jesus in a tot-
ally different light. in my youth Christ was painted as the "Man of perpetual
sorrows" by my relatives and the church I attended. I grew up believing that
Jesus was God's whipping boy and never understood the relationship between the
Father and the son. Hell! I didn't even know the relationship between my own
father and myself. The minister who gave me pastoral counciling told me to get
to know my father while he was still alive and to reconcile myself with him
while there was still time. This was probably the most emotional time in my
life as I told him I loved him. It also was the best single therapy to release
me from my ambiguous feelings. He left this world knowing that we loved each
other. I was now able to have a more positive relationship with God. The Bible
started taking on new meaning; especially the New Testament. I now believe that
it was God working through Father Michael that got through to me.
    A few years back I read a book titled "The Man Nobody Knew" about the life
of Jesus. The book got lost and I cannot remember the author's name. Whoever
the author was must have had a personal relationship with Christ because he
became much more of a real person to me. God came here in the flesh to talk to
us and re-affirm that he was the true Christ. He also came to experience life
as a man with all it's pain and sorrow, but also it's joys. Jesus loved people
and being with them, he wanted them well. I once saw a picture of Christ, clut-
ching at his robe, laughing with tears rolling down his face. Some people took
this as sacrilage but I'de rather believe that he did also laugh with us. My
church painted him up as an eternal sourpuss while here but I see him as diff-
erent.
    I gave up praying to saints, the dead and statues in favor of to him direct-
ly. Sometimes my prayers are answered, sometimes not (the answer is no!) When
my prayers are answered I know that it's not coincidence. When I was a kid my
prayers were gimmmee gimmmeee gimmmeee, God doesn't work that way! I don't att-
end any given church on a regular basis, religion has become a personal thing
with me, but when I do it's usually a Protestant church. There seems to be so
much more a sense of Christian community than the more sterile Catholic masses
I grew up with.
    I've seen some comments that we're just a natural evolution in the universe
and that God did not create us. If we're the greatest thing there is and were
not created by a much higher power, then we're in a lot of trouble! I now look
around me at the beauty of nature and say to myself, man didn't do this and it
was no accident or fluke! A lot of thought had to be behind the orderliness
of nature and the universe, much more than man can muster up with his little
imagination. I just believe we were put here in our temporary little home and
will be held accountable for how we treat it and each other. We're doing our
best to destroy both. I find the book of Revelations kinda frightening since
a lot of it hits home in today's world; just look at the Mid East. the Holy
land.
    I used to put so much stock in material things and the word of other men.
I'm starting to put much less faith in the material world; people lie, cheat,
and steal while smiling to your face. I can see more now how imperfect we all
are. Our manmade machinery wears out and rusts, our structures fall victim to
the whims of nature, floods, earthquakes, etc. In some way it's God's way of
reminding us, "Hey Kiddies, that's not all there is. Earth ain't forever so
you'de better start acknowledging the source of all these temporary gifts and
give thanks while you can".
    As fa as money goes, don't get me wrong, I enjoy the rewards that my salary
brings in but that's not all there is. As I grow older I see more and more 
greed. Everything boils down to profit margins and people are expendable as far
as the almighty dollar goes; it really makes me sick!" I'de rather not be a rich
man but appreciate the little that I have. The world to me seems to be getting
more and more disordered as we become more self centered as people. I'm only
38 and have seen less and less altruistic acts than when I was younger. I may
be wrong.
    Finally on the glory of God. When I was young I was instructed to pray for
anything for God's greater glory as well as my own benefit. I never understood
what it meant to me until a few years ago. We're all given natural gifts which
we can either develope or let atrophy. Someone who becomes a great composer,
artist, healer or any other positive contributor tomankind also magnifies God's
glory; we make him look good and don't even realize it. Our greatness is only an
outgrowth of God's. Should I thank man for a new miracle vaccine; no! The real
thanks should do to God for putting this person here and giving him the talent
needed to do the research. One gift (although sometimes misused) which I find
myself thanking the Lord for giving us a lot is music. It's one of the nicest
common languages we can all share. Just some thoughts I've been meaning to
share.

                                 Yeah I'm a sinner and ain't perfect
                                 and I ain't bragging about it.

                                                Ray