Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 (Tek) 9/28/84 based on 9/17/84; site orca.UUCP Path: utzoo!decvax!tektronix!orca!alanj From: alanj@orca.UUCP (Alan Jeddeloh) Newsgroups: net.jokes Subject: God + Devil Joke Message-ID: <1651@orca.UUCP> Date: Tue, 6-Aug-85 18:41:10 EDT Article-I.D.: orca.1651 Posted: Tue Aug 6 18:41:10 1985 Date-Received: Wed, 7-Aug-85 11:35:02 EDT Distribution: na Organization: Tektronix, Wilsonville OR Lines: 72 Xref: tektronix net.jokes:13648 I've been reading net.jokes for a couple of months now and havn't seen this one go by, so here goes: Well, it seems God decided it was time he made His yearly inspection trip around heaven. In general, he was pleased with the overall state of things. He was quite happy until he came to the wall dividing heaven and hell. Now, on the heaven side things were quite nice. The lawn was neatly mowed to velvet smoothness usually reserved for the greens at earthly golf clubs with $50,000 initiation fees. The water cascaded and tinkled from the Carrara marble fountains. The rose beds were impeccably weeded and completely free of mildew, black spot and rust. In short, paradise. All except for the wall. The wall was in *terrible* shape. There were bricks falling out of it, the plaster was cracked, in places it was starting to lean. In other places you could actually see through the wall into hell. Hell was not pretty. The pools of water here and there were stagnant and covered with scum of uncertain ancestry. There were old tires lying around and half- submerged barrels of toxic waste. Weeds were everywhere. In one of the larger pools there was a rotted off sign that would have read "Swim at your own risk", except it was floating face down and the paint had long since been eaten away. Well, God sees that something has to be done about this! So he calls over the devil to see if they can't work out some kind of arrangement. "Satan, old neighbor! How have things been?" He starts off. "Say, I was just looking things over and I noticed our wall here is getting to be in pretty sad shape. What say we get together and get it fixed up?" "Ah... looks ok to me." replies the devil. "It's got another couple millenia to go before it even needs paint." God looked at the wall again and back at Satan. "How can you say that? There're bricks falling out, the plaster's cracked --- you can even *see* through the thing! We gotta get this thing fixed up!" "Look," goes the devil, "You can fix it up if You want to, but count me out." "Ah com'on! Tell you what... I'll get the work done and we'll split the cost." "You can fix it if you want to. But I'm not paying any of it. The wall's just fine the way it is!" And the devil turns on his heel to walk off. Well, God's dander is up now! "I'm sending you a bill for half!" "I won't pay it!" the devil calls back over his shoulder. "Then I'll haul you into court and *make* you pay it!" At this point the devil halts and turns back to God. "AND JUST WHERE IN *HEAVEN* ARE YOU GOING TO FIND A LAWYER?" -Alan Jeddeloh Tektronix, Inc. Graphic Workstations Division Wilsonville, OR 97070 (503) 685-2882 tektronix!tekecs!alanj@orca