Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/5/84; site reed.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxt!houxm!vax135!cornell!uw-beaver!tektronix!reed!purtell From: purtell@reed.UUCP (Lady Godiva) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: What People Want Message-ID: <1827@reed.UUCP> Date: Wed, 21-Aug-85 15:30:18 EDT Article-I.D.: reed.1827 Posted: Wed Aug 21 15:30:18 1985 Date-Received: Sat, 24-Aug-85 17:41:54 EDT References: <3730@decwrl.UUCP> Reply-To: purtell@reed.UUCP (Lady Godiva) Organization: Reed College, Portland, Oregon Lines: 48 Summary: In article <3730@decwrl.UUCP> jackson@curium.DEC (Seth Jackson) writes: [ I, Lady Godiva, wrote: ] >>I think that a big part of the problem is that sometimes (often) >>people want two things that conflict. I have that problem sometimes. One >>moment one of the desires is stronger, then later on the other one is. >>I'm learning to recognise this and to think things out before I say that >>I want either one. But I still make rash decisions sometimes. [Seth writes:] >I think you hit the proverbial nail right on its proverbial head! Since >people are complex beings, there is usually no "one thing" that they >want in a given situation. They could want several, sometimes conflicting, >things. > >A common occurence seems to be wanting one thing on an intellectual level, >but wanting something entirely incompatible on an emotional level. The >best we can do is to be aware of our conflicts, and use this knowledge >to help us make better decisions and to help us give others more >accurate messages. Exactly. For instance, for quite a while I felt that if I were to date anyone, regularly, that I would have to date only them. I would have to be theirs exclusively. It wasn't what I really wanted, but I thought that that was what I was supposed to do. (In other words, what was the morally correct thing to do.) So I was telling people that I wanted a "boyfriend" because intellectually that's what I thought that I wanted, or at least what I was supposed to want, when what I actually wanted was the freedom to date many people. When I finally realised that that was what I wanted, and that there was nothing wrong with it (and it wasn't all that long ago that I finally realised this) it made things a lot easier. Now I tell people whom I date how I feel about all of this, and it makes things a whole lot easier, and I'm a whole lot happier. Of course it's harder when you're in a situation that is more specific (like, should I sleep with this person tonight?). Sometimes I still make the wrong decision in situations like this, because I have conflicting desires. cheers - elizabeth g. purtell (Lady Godiva) "Jeez, you're brave. Are those brass?"