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From: fsks@unc.UUCP (Frank Silbermann)
Newsgroups: net.books,net.singles
Subject: Re: New book for single women
Message-ID: <184@unc.unc.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 20-Aug-85 22:29:40 EDT
Article-I.D.: unc.184
Posted: Tue Aug 20 22:29:40 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 24-Aug-85 03:24:28 EDT
References: <465@moncol.UUCP> <449@enmasse.UUCP>
Reply-To: fsks@unc.UUCP (Frank Silbermann)
Organization: CS Dept, U. of N. Carolina, Chapel Hill
Lines: 84
Xref: watmath net.books:2198 net.singles:8827
Summary: 

>> 	HOW TO FIND A HUSBAND IN THIRTY DAYS
>> Have any of the women out there bought this book yet and, if so, what did
>> you think of it? 
>>                    John Ruschmeyer

In article <449@enmasse.UUCP> nancy@enmasse.UUCP (Nancy Werlin) writes:
>	My opinion: Yes, absolutely.  Buy this book for your women friends 
>	if you think they are so sick of being single that they are willing to 
>	marry anyone; and if you (as an eligible man) are willing to marry
>	a woman who wants you only for that reason.  

Since this book is the female equivalent of "How to Pick Up Girls",
I suppose I shouldn't be surprised at the hostile reaction in net.singles.

>	HOW TO FIND A HUSBAND IN THIRTY DAYS is about the hunt, sighting,
>	and capture of the animal "eligible man."  You begin by making
>	yourself as attractive as possible, first by taking a little
>	quiz to find the areas that need improvement.
... 
>	Then you take the author's advice and beef up those areas in which you
>	are lacking.  What you might call baiting the hook, or setting the trap.

This is merely being realistic.  Virtually every man I know will reject
a woman merely for not looking good enough, though the standard of what
is good enough will vary from man to man.  The same is true for virtually
all women I know; even many who would deny it.  The better you look,
the more choice you will have.  You may not like this, but its true,
so you may as well use this knowlege to your best advantage.

>	Next, you figure out where all the single men are.  More quizzes:
>	"What did you do last Saturday night?  10 points if you had a
>	date!  Nothing if you stayed home!  5 points if you went to a movie
>	by yourself!  3 points if you went out with a girlfriend!"
>	You put together a plan for finding an eligible man, and then
>	you execute it coldbloodedly.  I'll skip the details (they're
>	nothing new; indeed, they're ancient);

The author isn't saying that being out alone is better than being out
with a girlfriend, or that the latter is better than being home alone.
She's merely rating them for the likelyhood of meeting men.
If a woman doesn't want to grow old alone -- if she wants a family,
then she's ought to marry.  And to do that, she's got to meet a man.
What's wrong with that?

>	In the world of this book, the woman who grabs a man 
>	in the shortest period of time wins.  The author makes no
>	mention of the fact that in the long run, this woman is very 
>	likely to lose.  And so, equally, will the man she marries.

For a woman approaching the end of her safe child-bearing years,
it's critical to meet the right man SOON.  I think the "30 days"
part of the title is merely a gimmick.  The reader may hope to MEET
the man to marry within thirty days, but nobody suggests she would
actually marry him that quickly.

This is analogous to the "how to pick up girls" books, whose titles
seem to promise secret techniques to talk a stranger into bed,
but actually these books say flat out that this is a self-defeating goal.
Instead they tell how to INITIATE relationships (i.e. how to meet people).

>	There is no discussion (even as a by-the-way) of things like trust,
>	respect, liking, love, humor, and a warm sexual relationship as
>	important aspects of a marriage-bound relationship.
>	(Sex, in fact, is seen merely as more bait: "No man marries a woman
>	he hasn't slept with.")  Indeed, there is no concept of a *developing*
>	relationship at all; no realization that a good marriage is founded
>	on qualities like those I mentioned above, all of which take *time*
>	to solidify.  
>
>	What I want to stress is the fact that this book places the titular
>	above the reality: a "husband" is the goal and the man behind the title
>	is perceived as an unimportant detail.

Finding a man to marry has two aspects: first, attracting some men,
and second, choosing from among the men you attract.  Rather than
cover both sides of the problem superficially, this book concentrates
on the first aspect.  And why not?  There are already plenty of other
books on relationship building.

>	...it *does* work...)

That, right there, is the best endorsement you could give it.

	Frank Silbermann