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From: sdyer@bbncc5.UUCP (Steve Dyer)
Newsgroups: net.motss
Subject: Re: Bisexuality anyone?
Message-ID: <420@bbncc5.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 18-Aug-85 03:52:07 EDT
Article-I.D.: bbncc5.420
Posted: Sun Aug 18 03:52:07 1985
Date-Received: Tue, 20-Aug-85 21:58:49 EDT
References: <1302@hound.UUCP>
Organization: Bolt Beranek and Newman, Cambridge, MA
Lines: 38

> Clearly a  major difficulty is facing the desire for marriage and children...
> I mean if one is bisexual, one could choose to live a straight life
> and not act on same-sex desires and thus gain the fulfilment that
> comes from family life. But, it is a trade off. Is being bisexual never
> to be happy? To satisfy both sexual preferences nearly eliminates the
> possibility of a monogamous relationship. And to have a monogamous
> relationship implies a sort of celebacy. Or does it?
> 

This past year, my lover and I got to know a visiting scholar who was
bisexual--he was using his stay in the U.S. to explore his gay interests
for the first time.  He is married, and has children.  Apparently he was
aware of his feelings toward men for a long time, and finally decided that
he had a choice of going crazy or actually acting on his desires.  He was a
card-carrying bisexual, because he was still attracted to women and was
having great sex with his wife all this time.

At least in his situation, it seemed to me to be a terrible problem--his
wife knew absolutely nothing about this, and he had no intention of telling
her anything, as much from fear about her reaction as from obstinacy.  He
LOVED his kids and didn't want to do anything which might have any risk of
a separation.  Thus, he often resorted to "affair" behavior, lying to her
about where he'd be going or who he'd be seeing if it was at ALL
gay-related, not simply sexual.  We often felt like the "other couple", as
it were, since we were being lied about, if not actually lying ourselves.

It was the duplicity that bothered me so much--a relationship is built
on trust, and it hurt me to see his wife being deceived regularly.
Bisexuality is fine if the spouse knows about it, and they have dealt
with the issues of monogamy and jealousy, but that surely wasn't the
case here.  I cannot stand too harshly in judgement of him; here was a
person who had wrestled with a very painful personal issue, and was
attempting some kind of compromise which allowed him to continue to
keep the various parts of his life in a precarious balance.
-- 
/Steve Dyer
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