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From: rlr@pyuxd.UUCP (Rich Rosen)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Hurting the other by a "no"
Message-ID: <1486@pyuxd.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 12-Aug-85 19:09:25 EDT
Article-I.D.: pyuxd.1486
Posted: Mon Aug 12 19:09:25 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 17-Aug-85 13:24:59 EDT
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>>You know, what I recall of the notion of a self-actualized person was someone
>>on the order of a Jesus, a Buddha, or a Gandhi, a state very few people
>>could possibly attain, a state of self-assuredness and confidence and lack
>>of need for external approval or acceptance often aspired to but rarely
>>achieve.  I also seem to remember that a conclusion you could draw is that
>>anyone who called themselves self-actualized probably wasn't. [ROSEN]

> [Enter nitro-aided, fuel-injected, wombat-mangling, flame-thrower mode]
> 	That statement is, so far as I'm concerned, one of the greatest,
> most insidious lies that I've ever read.  Jesus, Buddha, and Gandhi were
> all HUMAN.  Thus they all had the same intrinsic human potential that is
> present in ALL humans.  (Whether this applies to people who are mentally
> handicapped is a debatable point -- but don't forget that many people who
> are "disadvantaged" realize one *hell* of a lot of the potential that they
> do have.)  Everyone can (not will, but can) develop themselves to the
> point where they can become self-actualized.  The most important thing
> that a person must realize is that such a state exists and that it is
> possible for them to attain it.  I'm so fed up of people saying that
> "you can't do this" or "that is a stupid idea" that I simply tune out
> when such negativisim is present.

1)  There was no negativism present.  A number of others with a lot more
psychological background than I have have concurred that the true self-
actualized person is a rare bird indeed, and not a product of some weekend
therapy.  I don't think Jesus went through Lifespring, I doubt that Buddha
attended any est seminars.  What's more, those people didn't spend a lot
of time TALKING ABOUT their self-actualized state, or bitching about it.
Their self-actualization was in their words and deeds.  In the very fact that
they did NOT tell everyone how self-actualized they were.  By speaking about
how "I am self-actualized" (or nearly so), you are proving just how far away
you are from such a state of real self-actualization.  It's like one of those
Zen pithyisms, about something you can only reaching by not striving or
aiming for it.  Only when you stop striving and aiming and reaching do you
get to it.  It is in part the very act of not striving that is a part of the
state itself.  2)  All the random babbling about therapy programs and such
that make you into a self-actualized person is baloney.  It remains, despite
assertions to the contrary, a very rare state.  An attainable one (I didn't
claim otherwise) but still very rare.

> FUNDAMENTAL RULE #4:
> 	If you can conceive an idea in your imagination then it is possible
> for you to attain it.  If you did not have the potential to do so then you
> would not be able to conceive of the idea in the first place.

I imagine myself to be a duck.  ... ...  It's not  working...  :-)

> 	The reason so few people become self-actualized is that they
> are (currently) unable to understand the exact nature of the concept.
> I have tried to explain it myself to many people.  I can tell that
> they just simply cannot (yet) understand me.  Maybe I'm a lousy explainer
> but I've been told the opposite by many people -- while discussing other
> subjects.

Perhaps you yourself don't understand the nature of it, which may be
why you have trouble explaining it.  Hell, I don't understand it, and
you just saw that I wasn't able to explain it in the clearest terms above.
I don't even know for sure that it exists as a pure state of mind.  But
it seems to be an attainable goal, somehow, though perhaps not by pursuing it.

> 	Ok, enough ranting and raving.  I want all of you out there in
> net-land to stop thinking about what you CAN'T do, and to start thinking
> about what you WANT to do.

Right!  (Agreed.  Determination and direction is the first step in getting
what you want.)
-- 
"to be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best night and day
 to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle any human
 being can fight and never stop fighting."  - e. e. cummings
	Rich Rosen	ihnp4!pyuxd!rlr