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From: todd@SCIRTP.UUCP (Todd Jones)
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Re: Sibling presence at childbirth
Message-ID: <288@SCIRTP.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 6-Aug-85 16:49:22 EDT
Article-I.D.: SCIRTP.288
Posted: Tue Aug  6 16:49:22 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 10-Aug-85 20:44:20 EDT
References: <306@luke.UUCP>
Distribution: net
Organization: SCI Systems, Research Triangle Park, NC
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excerpts from Steven List's article regarding sibling presence in
the delivery room marked by >. 

>    In the ABC at Good Samaritan Hospital
>    the OB advised us that sibling  presence  had  to  be  approved  by  an
>    Executive  Committee,  and  that  we  hadn't  submitted  the forms.  He
>    further advised us that he was opposed to it!  This was a surprise  and
>    a  shock  to  Debbie  who was fully emotionally committed to this.  

     Were you and Debbie convinced there could be no adverse reaction
     from your observing child?

>    I've recently spoken with a colleague whose  wife  is  due  to  deliver
>    their  baby  in  mid-september.  They have three older children (10, 9,
>    and 3), and Marcia would like them to be  present.   Pete  is  kind  of
>    casual and doesn't really want them there.  I confess that I'm somewhat
>    astounded.  

     Why are astounded?

>    But then, some people don't  want  to  have  to  share  and
>    divide  their  attention (this is not meant as a criticism, just trying
>    to understand these aliens).  As with photographing and videotaping the
>    event  (another topic altogether), YOU CAN'T GO BACK AND REDO IT IF YOU
>    CHANGE YOUR MIND LATER.  This is exactly what happened to us with Sarah
>    (our  first).   We  didn't  videotape  it  and  really  regret  it now.
>    Fortunately, we have some excellent pictures taken by  my  father  (ok,
>    let's hear it from those who can't understand this either).
> 
     I'm not going to criticize you, but I think i should offer
     an explanation why some fairly liberal-minded parents opted
     out of sharing the delivery experience with their kids.

	   The miracle of birth is a wonderful spectacle to behold
	   if the beholder is prepared for the pain and joy. In
	   the event of a complication (even minor) it would be
	   difficult for many children to comprehend the ensuing
	   events. Should they witness a C-section? I should hope
	   not. But if they were told how wonderful the miracle
	   of birth was and see Mommy wisked away for some secret
	   operation, it would not surprise me if the observing
	   child had difficulties in processing this.

	   If your child does not cope well with the process,
	   remember, YOU CAN'T GO BACK AND REDO IT IF YOU CHANGE
	   YOUR MIND LATER. Don't misunderstand me. I don't 
	   advocate shrouding the birthing process from your
	   children in some dark cloak of secrecy and myth.
	   But I felt our son had more to lose than the
	   potential "character-building" experience
	   could have allowed him to gain from. I know
	   you're saying,"That poor kid never saw the most
	   wonderful experience know to personkind."
	   I only hope he will experience it himself...
	   when he is ready.
	   
	   I was present at the birth of our two children.
	   I wouldn't have missed it for the world, and we
	   explained to our then 3 1/2 year old exactly
	   how his sibling was to come into the world. He
	   was fascinated, but never indicated he would have
	   wanted to be there. I also confess I took no photos,
	   but my recollection, I assure you, is more vivid
	   than any photographs could convey. I'm glad everything
	   worked out fine for you and your observing kids,
	   but I am glad we left our son with his aunt.
	   To minimize separation, we left at 9:00 p.m., delivered
	   at 11:30 p.m., and returned home the next morning at 10:00 a.m.

	-todd jones