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Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!ttidca!ttidcc!regard
From: regard@ttidcc.UUCP (Adrienne Regard)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: marriage |= (necessarily) commitment
Message-ID: <645@ttidcc.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 7-Aug-85 11:21:49 EDT
Article-I.D.: ttidcc.645
Posted: Wed Aug  7 11:21:49 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 10-Aug-85 20:46:11 EDT
Organization: TTI, Santa Monica, CA.
Lines: 33

Subject: Re: marriage |= (necessarily) commitment
>>CHUCK FERRARA
>>>>>But, who stays home to raise the kids? Somebody has to do it. Unfortunately,
>>>>>this means one partner must give up a career much too often. Children need
>>BETH KATZ
>>>>Who says you must have kids?
>>CHUCK FERRARA
>>>I didn't mean to imply that you must have kids. It's just one of many
>>>hypothetical situations that confronts married couples much more often
>>>than "live ins".
>>ADRIENNE REGARD
>>Just why is this a situation that confronts married couples more often than
>>"live ins"?
>CHUCK FERRARA
>Wouldn't it be safe to assume that most people who have children do so
>after they're married (barring accidents)? It would then follow that a
>lot of (but not all) decisions on how they are to be raised would be
>discussed after marriage, because it is impossible to consider everything
>beforehand.
>
Chuck, I wouldn't have brought it up if I thought is was "safe to assume".
Obviously I _don't_ think so.  Marriage is a relationship between two
adults, parenting between adults and children (why did you leave that out)?
_I'm_ not married, and my kid(s) aren't accidents.  The reason I _don't_
think it is "safe to assume" is that I have to deal with that inapplicable
assumption every day: in my career (the original subject), in my relation-
ships, in my daughter's schooling, in most everything that relates to her,
and to me as a parent, and it makes a lot of difference.

I also personally believe that that is a stupid assumption for people to
make when choosing to live together and/or marry, but that's another issue.
I'm not in favor of lumping numerous complex relationships under one single
heading, and not giving it further thought.