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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!bonnie!akgua!akgub!cylixd!charli
From: charli@cylixd.UUCP (Charli Phillips)
Newsgroups: net.suicide
Subject: Re: finding purpose in chaos
Message-ID: <209@cylixd.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 21-Aug-85 16:59:43 EDT
Article-I.D.: cylixd.209
Posted: Wed Aug 21 16:59:43 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 24-Aug-85 15:45:56 EDT
References: <902@vax2.fluke.UUCP>
Reply-To: charli@cylixd.UUCP (Charli Phillips)
Distribution: net
Organization: RCA Cylix Communications , Memphis, TN
Lines: 49
Summary: 

>I have a friend who is suicidal from time to time and my ignorance of this
>aspect of human behavior limits my desire to help to such things as being
>available to 'talk it over' and recommending counseling.  
>
>Can we, in a delicate but sincere manner, discuss suicide.
>
>Terry Mason

I cannot discuss suicide in a "delicate" manner.  One friend of mine
tried to kill herself by taking an overdose of pills.  She called me
to tell me what she had done, thereby saving her life.  Two other
friends botched suicide attempts.  Two others decided to, then changed
their minds.  Another, more like a brother than a friend, did not change
his mind.  He was more thorough than most: he took overdoses of two
drugs, then shot himself.

If your friend confides suicidal feelings to you, she (or he) is asking
for help.  For God's sake, help her!  (I am saying she, because women
are more apt to admit to feeling suicidal before making an attempt.  Men
will do it without telling anyone.)  Recommend counselling.  Better yet,
find the name of a therapist or psychiatrist, set up the appointment for
your friend, and take her there yourself.  (If you are not close enough
to do this, at least give her the name and phone number, and tell her to
call.)  

Don't let her sit around and be depressed.  Be with her.  Take her
places.  Don't say "We're doing such and so,if you want to come along."
Say, "We're doing such and so, and we'll pick you up at seven."  Don't
take no for an answer.  Make plans with her for next week and next
month.  If she's suicidal because of a specific event, don't deny that
it hurts.  Don't say "It's not that bad" - in her mind, it is.  But say,
"You can go on.  It hurts, but you can conquer it and go on."  Let her
know you need her, too.  You know her - you'll know how to comfort or
inspire her.  Yell at her, hug her, cry with her, tell her she can't
kill herself, because if she tries, you'll kill her - just don't leave
her alone.

And watch her.  If she seems to be making "final" arrangements (giving
beloved possessions away, visiting relatives she rarely sees, etc.),
DO SOMETHING THEN!  Don't leave her alone for a minute if you can
avoid it.  If you feel she is in imminent danger of killing herself,
you can (in some states and under some circumstances) have her 
committed to a hospital for a suicide watch.  You may want to find
out in advance how to do that, should it come to that.

I can't say any more.  The pain of my friend that killed himself is 
still sometimes more than I can bear, and it has been seven years.

		charli