Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site ttidcc.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!ttidca!ttidcc!regard From: regard@ttidcc.UUCP (Adrienne Regard) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: marriage |= (necessarily) commitment Message-ID: <645@ttidcc.UUCP> Date: Wed, 7-Aug-85 11:21:49 EDT Article-I.D.: ttidcc.645 Posted: Wed Aug 7 11:21:49 1985 Date-Received: Sat, 10-Aug-85 20:46:11 EDT Organization: TTI, Santa Monica, CA. Lines: 33 Subject: Re: marriage |= (necessarily) commitment >>CHUCK FERRARA >>>>>But, who stays home to raise the kids? Somebody has to do it. Unfortunately, >>>>>this means one partner must give up a career much too often. Children need >>BETH KATZ >>>>Who says you must have kids? >>CHUCK FERRARA >>>I didn't mean to imply that you must have kids. It's just one of many >>>hypothetical situations that confronts married couples much more often >>>than "live ins". >>ADRIENNE REGARD >>Just why is this a situation that confronts married couples more often than >>"live ins"? >CHUCK FERRARA >Wouldn't it be safe to assume that most people who have children do so >after they're married (barring accidents)? It would then follow that a >lot of (but not all) decisions on how they are to be raised would be >discussed after marriage, because it is impossible to consider everything >beforehand. > Chuck, I wouldn't have brought it up if I thought is was "safe to assume". Obviously I _don't_ think so. Marriage is a relationship between two adults, parenting between adults and children (why did you leave that out)? _I'm_ not married, and my kid(s) aren't accidents. The reason I _don't_ think it is "safe to assume" is that I have to deal with that inapplicable assumption every day: in my career (the original subject), in my relation- ships, in my daughter's schooling, in most everything that relates to her, and to me as a parent, and it makes a lot of difference. I also personally believe that that is a stupid assumption for people to make when choosing to live together and/or marry, but that's another issue. I'm not in favor of lumping numerous complex relationships under one single heading, and not giving it further thought.