Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/5/84; site SCIRTP.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!prls!amdimage!amdcad!decwrl!decvax!mcnc!rti-sel!SCIRTP!todd From: todd@SCIRTP.UUCP (Todd Jones) Newsgroups: net.kids Subject: Re: Sibling presence at childbirth Message-ID: <288@SCIRTP.UUCP> Date: Tue, 6-Aug-85 16:49:22 EDT Article-I.D.: SCIRTP.288 Posted: Tue Aug 6 16:49:22 1985 Date-Received: Sat, 10-Aug-85 20:44:20 EDT References: <306@luke.UUCP> Distribution: net Organization: SCI Systems, Research Triangle Park, NC Lines: 70 excerpts from Steven List's article regarding sibling presence in the delivery room marked by >. > In the ABC at Good Samaritan Hospital > the OB advised us that sibling presence had to be approved by an > Executive Committee, and that we hadn't submitted the forms. He > further advised us that he was opposed to it! This was a surprise and > a shock to Debbie who was fully emotionally committed to this. Were you and Debbie convinced there could be no adverse reaction from your observing child? > I've recently spoken with a colleague whose wife is due to deliver > their baby in mid-september. They have three older children (10, 9, > and 3), and Marcia would like them to be present. Pete is kind of > casual and doesn't really want them there. I confess that I'm somewhat > astounded. Why are astounded? > But then, some people don't want to have to share and > divide their attention (this is not meant as a criticism, just trying > to understand these aliens). As with photographing and videotaping the > event (another topic altogether), YOU CAN'T GO BACK AND REDO IT IF YOU > CHANGE YOUR MIND LATER. This is exactly what happened to us with Sarah > (our first). We didn't videotape it and really regret it now. > Fortunately, we have some excellent pictures taken by my father (ok, > let's hear it from those who can't understand this either). > I'm not going to criticize you, but I think i should offer an explanation why some fairly liberal-minded parents opted out of sharing the delivery experience with their kids. The miracle of birth is a wonderful spectacle to behold if the beholder is prepared for the pain and joy. In the event of a complication (even minor) it would be difficult for many children to comprehend the ensuing events. Should they witness a C-section? I should hope not. But if they were told how wonderful the miracle of birth was and see Mommy wisked away for some secret operation, it would not surprise me if the observing child had difficulties in processing this. If your child does not cope well with the process, remember, YOU CAN'T GO BACK AND REDO IT IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND LATER. Don't misunderstand me. I don't advocate shrouding the birthing process from your children in some dark cloak of secrecy and myth. But I felt our son had more to lose than the potential "character-building" experience could have allowed him to gain from. I know you're saying,"That poor kid never saw the most wonderful experience know to personkind." I only hope he will experience it himself... when he is ready. I was present at the birth of our two children. I wouldn't have missed it for the world, and we explained to our then 3 1/2 year old exactly how his sibling was to come into the world. He was fascinated, but never indicated he would have wanted to be there. I also confess I took no photos, but my recollection, I assure you, is more vivid than any photographs could convey. I'm glad everything worked out fine for you and your observing kids, but I am glad we left our son with his aunt. To minimize separation, we left at 9:00 p.m., delivered at 11:30 p.m., and returned home the next morning at 10:00 a.m. -todd jones