Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/5/84; site randvax.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!seismo!lll-crg!dual!qantel!hplabs!sdcrdcf!randvax!edhall From: edhall@randvax.UUCP (Ed Hall) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: What women want Message-ID: <2637@randvax.UUCP> Date: Sat, 10-Aug-85 13:42:56 EDT Article-I.D.: randvax.2637 Posted: Sat Aug 10 13:42:56 1985 Date-Received: Sat, 17-Aug-85 06:02:43 EDT References: <3498@decwrl.UUCP> Reply-To: edhall@rand-unix.UUCP (Ed Hall) Organization: Rand Corp., Santa Monica Lines: 66 In article <3498@decwrl.UUCP> jackson@curium.DEC (Seth Jackson) writes: > .... >>Thank you Chris. If you want to know >>what turns women on, ask them. I know we keep harping on that, > >From my experience, what women say they want >is not always the same as what they actually want. I spent 2 years >in business school surrounded by "feminist" women who insisted that >what they wanted was a man who treat them as an equal. But, what I >found was that, treating them they way they said they wanted resulted >in having lots of "good friends". In a romantic relationship, these >women still wanted men to hold doors for them, buy them dinner, etc. How did you know this? Did you ask? Which role were *you* most comfortable playing? People generally have romantic relationships with someone whom they are comfortable with--and someone who is comfortable around them. Holding doors and buying dinner are trivia compared to the sort of emotional give-and-take that occurs in a romantic relationship. What was the status of equality there? I'm not trying to point my finger, here; I'm just bringing up the fact that there were two people involved in each of the situations you have generalized from, and even if you had a good sample on one side, the other side had a sample size of one. My own experience in this area is mixed. Many women really *do* want to be treated as equals, and I've had several romantic relationships (the best ones :-) ) where this was true. But is it surprising that some people are most comfortable with what they're most used to? This is true of just about anyone in the process of change. It wouldn't surprise me at all if a lot of women would like to be equal, but still are a bit uncomfortable with the reality of it. >I have read "The Hite Report" and similar reports, in which women >"honestly" discuss their sexual desires. They talk about >how they long for more foreplay and afterplay, and how they wish men >would go slower and take their time. Experience tells me, however, >that women don't really want those things, even though they say they >do. Of course, I'm sure there are some who do (are you out there?), >but, in general, they are approximately the same way as the men they >complain about. Now, *here* I have to disagree strongly; in my own experience I have *never* met a woman who didn't appreciate foreplay, and lots of it. As for afterplay, well, these are some of the tender moments that make a good romantic relationship heaven-on-earth. Here, too, I've yet to meet an exception. But in women who've discussed past lovers, I've heard a lot of criticism of the wham-bamm-thankyou-ma'am approach. On the other hand, if you're complaining that women need to be more *active* in foreplay, I'd say you're more likely to have a legitimate beef. But once again, this is a matter of being most comfortable with what one is used to; the traditional role for women is passivity. There's a solution for this, though--try asking. >I am not saying that this phenomenon is unique to women. I'm just saying >that you can't always believe what people tell you, because people >don't always know what they want. Agreed, this happens. But my own experience is that people generally *do* know what they want, but have problems saying it. > Seth Jackson -Ed Hall decvax!randvax!edhall