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Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!seismo!ut-sally!im4u!riddle
From: riddle@im4u.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.social
Subject: Re: Dear Miss Manners: routing wedding gifts to charity
Message-ID: <408@im4u.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 13-Aug-85 19:12:36 EDT
Article-I.D.: im4u.408
Posted: Tue Aug 13 19:12:36 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 15-Aug-85 08:29:24 EDT
Distribution: net
Organization: U. of Tx. at Houston-in-the-Hills
Lines: 39

>> What is the preferred way of stating in a wedding invitation that you've got
>> all the teapots, serving trays, plates and cutlery you need but that people
>> who insist on giving gifts anyway are more than welcome to send a check to
>> Oxfam or some other charitable organization?

Little did I know when I asked this seemingly innocent question that I would
be severely chastised for my presumption.  You see, Miss Manners herself has
issued a clear statement on this subject, to wit:

>> What Miss Manners must tell all of you, regardless of your motives, is that
>> there is no tasteful way -- not even any moderately decent way -- of
>> directing present giving when you are on the receiving end.  Contrary to
>> general belief, present giving is never required.  It is traditionally
>> associated with birthdays, Christmas, and weddings, but cannot be used as an
>> entrance fee to related activities.  You must pretend that you invite people
>> because you want to celebrate important occasions with them, and you must
>> seem pleasantly surprised when they give you something.

Sigh.  Unfortunately, although my fiancee and I don't "expect" any wedding
gifts, we know damn well that we're going to get them -- her sister was
married last year and absolutely inundated.  But Miss Manners is probably
right.

Given a restriction on overt attempts on our part to discourage useless
gift-giving, a few people did have suggestions on measures we could
legitimately take.  The most common one was to circulate word among our
close relatives and friends that we'd like gifts to charity in our name, and
hope that at least a certain portion of our more distant relatives and
acquaintances would ask the others before selecting a gift.  Another was to
go on and accept all the toasters and dishes we could get, and then return
them to the stores and pass the cash along to charity ourselves!  Cagey,
that one.

Hmm.  Personally, I'm beginning to think that eloping is the only sensible
way to get married.  :-)

--- Prentiss Riddle ("Aprendiz de todo, maestro de nada.")
--- {ihnp4,harvard,seismo,gatech}!ut-sally!riddle   riddle@ut-sally.UUCP
--- riddle@ut-sally.ARPA, riddle%zotz@ut-sally, riddle%im4u@ut-sally