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From: arndt@lymph.DEC
Newsgroups: net.politics,net.flame
Subject: We've GOT to do somethin' for Peace Dept.
Message-ID: <3459@decwrl.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 5-Aug-85 18:12:31 EDT
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Posted: Mon Aug  5 18:12:31 1985
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A doctor just back from the good ole USSR writes in the current American
Medical Assoc. Journal that we and they should exchange 250,000 students
as hostages against the threat of nuke war.  (Perhaps there IS something
in the water in Leningrad besides the Trotsky Trots)  What a great idea!
I have a few canidates to go right in the front of my mind although he says
they should be chosen by lottery for a two year stint.

Well, it's not such a bad idea at that.  A great way to make screaming
American patriots our of poor material.  I've seen it happen myself.  At
the end of every summer (3) as the plane's wheels touched down in NYC
the students spontaneously broke into song ("God Bless America").  It
was thrilling.  And I didn't even start it off by humming, gang.  I've
seen students kiss the ground in Finland after coming across the border
from the worker's paradise!  It was compared to coming up for air.

But things are lookin' bad for the doom dummies.  I mean Ron has shown us
the way, eh?  The mood is up!  And all that's left is to scare little kids
in school and wrap the Pentagon in ribbons to show 'concern' for peace.  
Oh yes, and knock space defense.  (Pass the coke - no not THAT classic
coke, the other!)

So what are things coming to?  House Beautiful staff writers, inspired by
a letter from a worried housewife in Idaho start a campaign to exchange
furniture with households in the USSR - wouldn't want the Pentagon to bomb
grandma's old sideboy, would you?  

Come to think of it I could use a Russian Serf around the back yard.  Wonder
if you have to send one to get one?  When not working he could stand under
the tree and wait for orders. Happy as a clam.  

So what are YOU doing for PEACE!!!!

I'm starting an anti-movement movement called, "Don't give a shit for Peace!"
The idea is for every concerned citizen to hold their bowels till it hurts
for Peace.  When everyone is walking around with cramps and a sour look on
their faces THEN maybe we'll DO something like tell the Russians we really,
really, really want Peace and the Pentagon to stop making' those naughty
naughty bombs (at the rate of five a day in the US!).  I've had it with only
telling the Russians we only really, really want Peace!  So come on gang! 
Let's show 'em we mean business.  Who'll take the pledge??  Show your concern
with a little constipation, it's the least you can do.  Think of the future
generations who will sing your praises. 

Let's organize.  Buttons, T-shirts, posters, bumper stickers, a hand shake,
a scowl.  Take all your toilet paper out and wrap it around the tree.

I always suspect they're not really serious at the disarm conferences when
I see them laughing and joking for the cameras.  What the heck is REALLY goin'
on there?  If we locked the Johns in Congress we'd get movement!!

I mean if the ladies of ancient Greece could hold tight for Peace why can't
we???  Hold it so future generations won't have to.  This is a gut level
appeal for Peace.

I already have Rich Rosen's pledge in my file.  (What a gesture, what with
him being so full of it!)  Who's next???  If this catches on it may even
become a plank in the '88 democratic platform!  (Since the homosexuals are
out.)  Come on out of the closet all you anal retentives on the net!  You
know who you are.  Here's you opportunity to excell!

I can see chanting crowds around the Pentagon ("We don't give a shit for 
Peace!") attacked by the police and force to take diarrheics.  Of couse
-that's course, my fingers are trembling at the scene in the Theater of
My Mind - the ACLU will rush to your defense.  The Supreme court will
sit in decision on the right of a citizen to hold out on the government,
"it's my body" will be the defense.  

Well, I'll have to stop here.  It's time to take off my save-the-world
suit (and special power boxer shorts) and go home to supper.

I've provided the idea, sorry I can't join you.  Have to save my body for
thinking up more great ideas for world Peace you know.  But I want you to
know I'll be with you in spirit as you suffer for Peace.  Good luck and
remember, don't let go.

I will be available to receive the Nobel Peace prize next year.

Keep chargin'

Ken Arndt