Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/5/84; site reed.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxt!houxm!vax135!cornell!uw-beaver!tektronix!reed!purtell From: purtell@reed.UUCP (Lady Godiva) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: Your SO's friends and you Message-ID: <1819@reed.UUCP> Date: Tue, 20-Aug-85 13:40:37 EDT Article-I.D.: reed.1819 Posted: Tue Aug 20 13:40:37 1985 Date-Received: Sat, 24-Aug-85 03:31:43 EDT References: <467@moncol.UUCP> <5608@tektronix.UUCP> <1084@lumiere.UUCP> Reply-To: purtell@reed.UUCP (Lady Godiva) Organization: Reed College, Portland, Oregon Lines: 45 Summary: In article <1084@lumiere.UUCP> richl@lumiere.UUCP (Rick Lindsley) writes: > >Moira Mallison writes: >The only responsibility I have to someone I am dating is to keep >appointments I have made. It sounds to me like the "significance" >was a little one-sided, and that your expectations came from ideas >of how it "ought to be" rather than what the relationship really >was. >------ >While I can't deny that analytically Moira is correct, I would find it >comforting to know I rank high in an SO's plans. To be told that I am >third behind other friends and schoolwork might be a letdown if that >were not made clear at the outset. I think that it makes a big difference whether or not the person makes things clear. I always try to make it clear to people that I do have a lot of homework, and a lot of friends. I tell dates that when long distance friends are going to be in town that they are going to see a lot less of me. But I try to make my dates my friends too, so they are never "behind" other friends - they are a friend. >While I agree that the bottom line is to be there >when you say you will be, it means an awful lot to me to know that >someone has made an occasional sacrifice on my behalf -- skipped a ^^^^^^^^^ >night of homework, or told their friends "sorry, I'd like to call Rick ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ >first and see if he wants to do something". Well, it's nice to know that I'm doing something right, and that I'm doing it frequently. The problem with that (skipping the homework) is that you start getting confused as to whether you're skipping homework to be with the person, or skipping because you simply don't want to do it. (By the way Rick - so far it's definitely been the former.) But I agree, it is nice when people occasionally go out of their way to do something with you. To me that is a lot better than having an exclusive relationship where you spend a great deal of time with each other and tend to exclude other people. (That is - it's a lot better for me, not necessarily morally better.) cheers - elizabeth g. purtell (Lady Godiva)