Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/5/84; site uvaee.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!seismo!harvard!talcott!panda!genrad!decvax!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!uvaee!cffres From: cffres@uvaee.UUCP (Chuck Ferrara) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: marriage |= (necessarily) commitment Message-ID: <407@uvaee.UUCP> Date: Sun, 11-Aug-85 07:45:34 EDT Article-I.D.: uvaee.407 Posted: Sun Aug 11 07:45:34 1985 Date-Received: Sun, 18-Aug-85 20:42:06 EDT References: <645@ttidcc.UUCP> Reply-To: cffres@uvaee.UUCP (Chuck Ferrara) Organization: EE Dept., U of Virginia, Charlottesville Lines: 42 In article <645@ttidcc.UUCP> regard@ttidcc.UUCP (Adrienne Regard) writes: >Subject: Re: marriage |= (necessarily) commitment >>>CHUCK FERRARA >>>>>>But, who stays home to raise the kids? Somebody has to do it. Unfortunately, >>>>>>this means one partner must give up a career much too often. Children need >>>BETH KATZ >>>>>Who says you must have kids? >>>CHUCK FERRARA >>>>I didn't mean to imply that you must have kids. It's just one of many >>>>hypothetical situations that confronts married couples much more often >>>>than "live ins". >>>ADRIENNE REGARD >>>Just why is this a situation that confronts married couples more often than >>>"live ins"? >>CHUCK FERRARA >>Wouldn't it be safe to assume that most people who have children do so >>after they're married (barring accidents)? It would then follow that a >>lot of (but not all) decisions on how they are to be raised would be >>discussed after marriage, because it is impossible to consider everything >>beforehand. >> >Chuck, I wouldn't have brought it up if I thought is was "safe to assume". >Obviously I _don't_ think so. Marriage is a relationship between two >adults, parenting between adults and children (why did you leave that out)? >_I'm_ not married, and my kid(s) aren't accidents. The reason I _don't_ >think it is "safe to assume" is that I have to deal with that inapplicable >assumption every day: in my career (the original subject), in my relation- >ships, in my daughter's schooling, in most everything that relates to her, >and to me as a parent, and it makes a lot of difference. > >I also personally believe that that is a stupid assumption for people to >make when choosing to live together and/or marry, but that's another issue. >I'm not in favor of lumping numerous complex relationships under one single >heading, and not giving it further thought. OK, in your case that assumption does not apply, but in most cases it does. I don't frown upon you for being an exception and if you choose to have children out of wedlock, that's your perogative. The original arguement was about differences between marriage and SOship. I brought up the issue of children, because (at the risk of repeating myself) in many, but not all, relationships it is a major difference between SOships and marriage.