Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site peora.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!decvax!tektronix!uw-beaver!cornell!vax135!petsd!peora!jer From: jer@peora.UUCP (J. Eric Roskos) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: Hurting the other by a "no" Message-ID: <1452@peora.UUCP> Date: Thu, 8-Aug-85 08:33:27 EDT Article-I.D.: peora.1452 Posted: Thu Aug 8 08:33:27 1985 Date-Received: Wed, 14-Aug-85 01:07:44 EDT References: <5557@cbscc.UUCP><591@unc.UUCP> Organization: Perkin-Elmer SDC, Orlando, Fl. Lines: 44 > > I need this book or this person who has told you that control of > > emotions is not healthy. I've got 40+ books on the shelf behind me > > right now that says it is healthy and 3+ psychologists at my disposal > > that will agree. If you have source, PLEASE post/e-mail the title/name. > > Gypsy (Julie Hoff) ...ihnp4!ihuxa!hoff > > Sounds like you stacked the deck (or at least the bookshelf), Julie. Actually, if you get outside the domain of popular psychology, the idea that excessive control of your emotions is bad for you is quite common. This is true also outside the area of psychology; I know medical physiologists who also feel that way. Recently I wrote a short discussion here on learning by successive refinement. I think this "control your emotions" movement is an example of that. I can remember that 15 years or so ago, people tended quite the other way; there were forms of "therapy" in which people would scream, hit punching bags, etc. in order to express themselves. This movement also got carried away to a certain extent. Here again, the problem is just one of moderation, as Ed Hall pointed out in several of his articles (I think). It should be obvious that a highly emotional person, who begins shouting at friends and co-workers, or who gets grossly depressed and sulks for hours over small things, will tend to have problems interacting with others (by virtue of making others uncomfortable, and interfering with his accomplishment of productive things). On the other hand, maintaining a very stoical attitude of self-control has, I think, been shown to lead to a variety of physical illnesses: high blood pressure, ulcers, increased likelihood of heart attacks, etc. Probably a person who always expresses emotions would tend to be physically healthier than one who contains them, unless the behavior became self- destructive. On the other hand, social constraints (the need to interact productively with others, etc.) makes it necessary not to be extremely emotional. Nevertheless, human beings are emotional, and it is not possible to escape this, only to hide it. Some emotions do need considerable restraint; among them, anger, vindictiveness, etc. generally do not accomplish to much. However, this restraint can take the form of nondestructive outlets, rather than merely hiding the emotions. -- Shyy-Anzr: J. Eric Roskos UUCP: ..!{decvax,ucbvax,ihnp4}!vax135!petsd!peora!jer US Mail: MS 795; Perkin-Elmer SDC; 2486 Sand Lake Road, Orlando, FL 32809-7642