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From: jer@peora.UUCP (J. Eric Roskos)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Hurting the other by a "no"
Message-ID: <1452@peora.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 8-Aug-85 08:33:27 EDT
Article-I.D.: peora.1452
Posted: Thu Aug  8 08:33:27 1985
Date-Received: Wed, 14-Aug-85 01:07:44 EDT
References: <5557@cbscc.UUCP>  <591@unc.UUCP>
Organization: Perkin-Elmer SDC, Orlando, Fl.
Lines: 44

> >         I need this book or this person who has told you that control of
> > emotions is not healthy.  I've got 40+ books on the shelf behind me
> > right now that says it is healthy and 3+ psychologists at my disposal
> > that will agree.  If you have source, PLEASE post/e-mail the title/name.
> >                 Gypsy (Julie Hoff)  ...ihnp4!ihuxa!hoff
>
> Sounds like you stacked the deck (or at least the bookshelf), Julie.

Actually, if you get outside the domain of popular psychology, the idea that
excessive control of your emotions is bad for you is quite common.  This is
true also outside the area of psychology; I know medical physiologists who
also feel that way.

Recently I wrote a short discussion here on learning by successive
refinement.  I think this "control your emotions" movement is an example of
that.  I can remember that 15 years or so ago, people tended quite the
other way; there were forms of "therapy" in which people would scream, hit
punching bags, etc. in order to express themselves.  This movement also
got carried away to a certain extent.

Here again, the problem is just one of moderation, as Ed Hall pointed out in
several of his articles (I think).  It should be obvious that a highly
emotional person, who begins shouting at friends and co-workers, or
who gets grossly depressed and sulks for hours over small things, will tend
to have problems interacting with others (by virtue of making others
uncomfortable, and interfering with his accomplishment of productive things).
On the other hand, maintaining a very stoical attitude of self-control
has, I think, been shown to lead to a variety of physical illnesses: high
blood pressure, ulcers, increased likelihood of heart attacks, etc.

Probably a person who always expresses emotions would tend to be physically
healthier than one who contains them, unless the behavior became self-
destructive.  On the other hand, social constraints (the need to interact
productively with others, etc.) makes it necessary not to be extremely
emotional.  Nevertheless, human beings are emotional, and it is not possible
to escape this, only to hide it.  Some emotions do need considerable
restraint; among them, anger, vindictiveness, etc. generally do not
accomplish to much.  However, this restraint can take the form of
nondestructive outlets, rather than merely hiding the emotions.
-- 
Shyy-Anzr:  J. Eric Roskos
UUCP:       ..!{decvax,ucbvax,ihnp4}!vax135!petsd!peora!jer
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