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From: purtell@reed.UUCP (Lady Godiva)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: What People Want
Message-ID: <1827@reed.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 21-Aug-85 15:30:18 EDT
Article-I.D.: reed.1827
Posted: Wed Aug 21 15:30:18 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 24-Aug-85 17:41:54 EDT
References: <3730@decwrl.UUCP>
Reply-To: purtell@reed.UUCP (Lady Godiva)
Organization: Reed College, Portland, Oregon
Lines: 48
Summary: 

In article <3730@decwrl.UUCP> jackson@curium.DEC (Seth Jackson) writes:

[ I, Lady Godiva, wrote: ]

>>I think that a big part of the problem is that sometimes (often)
>>people want two things that conflict. I have that problem sometimes. One
>>moment one of the desires is stronger, then later on the other one is.
>>I'm learning to recognise this and to think things out before I say that
>>I want either one. But I still make rash decisions sometimes. 

[Seth writes:]

>I think you hit the proverbial nail right on its proverbial head! Since
>people are complex beings, there is usually no "one thing" that they 
>want in a given situation. They could want several, sometimes conflicting,
>things. 
>
>A common occurence seems to be wanting one thing on an intellectual level,
>but wanting something entirely incompatible on an emotional level. The
>best we can do is to be aware of our conflicts, and use this knowledge
>to help us make better decisions and to help us give others more
>accurate messages.

	Exactly. For instance, for quite a while I felt that if I were to
date anyone, regularly, that I would have to date only them. I would
have to be theirs exclusively. It wasn't what I really wanted,
but I thought that that was what I was supposed to do. (In other 
words, what was the morally correct thing to do.) So I was telling
people that I wanted a "boyfriend" because intellectually that's what I
thought that I wanted, or at least what I was supposed to want, when
what I actually wanted was the freedom to date many people. 
	When I finally realised that that was what I wanted, and that
there was nothing wrong with it (and it wasn't all that long ago that I
finally realised this) it made things a lot easier. Now I tell people
whom I date how I feel about all of this, and it makes things a whole
lot easier, and I'm a whole lot happier. 
	Of course it's harder when you're in a situation that is more
specific (like, should I sleep with this person tonight?). Sometimes I
still make the wrong decision in situations like this, because I have
conflicting desires. 	

	cheers -

	elizabeth g. purtell

	(Lady Godiva)

"Jeez, you're brave. Are those brass?"