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From: hxe@rayssd.UUCP (Heather Emanuel)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: BEING RESPONSIBLE
Message-ID: <971@rayssd.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 15-Aug-85 13:31:46 EDT
Article-I.D.: rayssd.971
Posted: Thu Aug 15 13:31:46 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 18-Aug-85 04:56:11 EDT
References: <2471@ut-sally.UUCP>
Sender: hxe@rayssd.UUCP (Heather Emanuel @ Raytheon Co., Portsmouth RI)
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Organization: Raytheon Co., Portsmouth RI
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>(Pooh:)
> I cannot believe some of the things I'm hearing
> in connection with this topic.  Greg, it is fine
> for you to talk yourself out of being depressed,
> but recognize that you are subscribing to a
> belief that is JUST THAT--a school of thought
> propounded by a seminar that you happened to
> attend.  Do not be so presumptuous as to
> expect everyone else to work the same way...
> 
> ...I realize that I can't be responsible for all
> the feelings out there, but dammit, at least I'm
> out there doing what I can!  If I can choose a
> kinder way of saying something so as to make
> someone feel a little better, I'm going to do it.
> If someone just needs someone to listen to him,
> or to offer sympathy, I'm going to do it.
> That's the LEAST we can do for each other.

Hear! Hear!  At last a voice of reason.  Yes, I am well aware of the
"I'm Okay You're Okay" school of thought being disseminated through
books and seminars ad nauseum, and I'm in favor of the positive
aspects of gaining control over your own life.  But we have to
realize two things: One is that these are methods of coming to know
*yourself* and maybe, through that knowledge, others.  The other is
that these are grossly simplified black/white theories of the human
psyche that are simply not substantiated in the serious studies and
experiences of qualified psychologists - the ones who deal day after
day with real, complex people suffering from grief and the other
emotions you so callously write off as "not my responsibility."

Of *course* we should all seek self knowledge, and of *course* we
should all help our friends, but true aid is not given by handing
out pat little theories; it is given by listening, maybe
interjecting a comment here and there, and gently guiding your
friends to reach their *own* conclusions and theories.  Those
theories may well be diametrically opposed to yours, but they will
be what your friends have decided for themselves - something they
can live with.  True caring is letting someone think and feel and
believe what they want - and loving them anyway, n'est ce pas?

-- 
--Heather Emanuel {allegra, decvax!brunix, linus, ccice5} rayssd!hxe
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   I don't think my company *has* an opinion, so the ones in this
                  article are obviously my own.
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"Ain't life a brook...
 Sometimes I feel just like a polished stone"  -Ferron