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From: rance@cornell.UUCP (Rance Cleaveland)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: marriage |= (necessarily) commitment
Message-ID: <3657@cornell.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 5-Aug-85 14:00:26 EDT
Article-I.D.: cornell.3657
Posted: Mon Aug  5 14:00:26 1985
Date-Received: Fri, 9-Aug-85 02:43:08 EDT
References: <616@ttidcc.UUCP>
Organization: Cornell Univ. CS Dept.
Lines: 42

> 
> 
> CHUCK FERRARA
> >>>But, who stays home to raise the kids? Somebody has to do it.
> 
> BETH KATZ
> >>Who says you must have kids?
> 
> CHUCK FERRARA
> >I didn't mean to imply that you must have kids. It's just one of many
> >hypothetical situations that confronts married couples much more often
> >than "live ins".
> 
> Adrienne Regard:
> 
> Just why is this a situation that confronts married couples more often than
> "live ins"?...

I think you should reread the header of the original article kicking off this
discussion.  "Marriage = commitment", right?  And it takes a hell of a commit-
ment between two people for them to raise children and do it well.  Among my
married friends, ALL of them talk about having children, while among my friends
who are living together, ALL of them fear having children.

> One of the suppositions about marriage that is often imposed upon the
> couple is that marriage somehow means the question of parenting arises,
> when non-marriage means the question will never arise.  Neither of these
> suppositions are true.  Marrying someone is creating a certain kind of
> relationship between two adult people.  Having kids is creating a certain
> kind of relationship between adults and children.  They may correlate,
> but they are NOT synonomous.

No, I think having kids creates a certain kind of relationship between adults
also; your SO suddenly becomes a parent in addition to a lover.  Furthermore,
I think the correlation between marriage and childrearing is pretty damn high.
You can question why this is so, but not that it is so, and while they are not
synonomous, you must deal somehow with the fact that society sees them as 
pretty much synonomous.  (Notice I'm not saying how to deal with this.  No
flames for me! :-))

Regards,
Rance Cleaveland