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From: cffres@uvaee.UUCP (Chuck Ferrara)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: marriage |= (necessarily) commitment
Message-ID: <407@uvaee.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 11-Aug-85 07:45:34 EDT
Article-I.D.: uvaee.407
Posted: Sun Aug 11 07:45:34 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 18-Aug-85 20:42:06 EDT
References: <645@ttidcc.UUCP>
Reply-To: cffres@uvaee.UUCP (Chuck Ferrara)
Organization: EE Dept., U of Virginia, Charlottesville
Lines: 42

In article <645@ttidcc.UUCP> regard@ttidcc.UUCP (Adrienne Regard) writes:
>Subject: Re: marriage |= (necessarily) commitment
>>>CHUCK FERRARA
>>>>>>But, who stays home to raise the kids? Somebody has to do it. Unfortunately,
>>>>>>this means one partner must give up a career much too often. Children need
>>>BETH KATZ
>>>>>Who says you must have kids?
>>>CHUCK FERRARA
>>>>I didn't mean to imply that you must have kids. It's just one of many
>>>>hypothetical situations that confronts married couples much more often
>>>>than "live ins".
>>>ADRIENNE REGARD
>>>Just why is this a situation that confronts married couples more often than
>>>"live ins"?
>>CHUCK FERRARA
>>Wouldn't it be safe to assume that most people who have children do so
>>after they're married (barring accidents)? It would then follow that a
>>lot of (but not all) decisions on how they are to be raised would be
>>discussed after marriage, because it is impossible to consider everything
>>beforehand.
>>
>Chuck, I wouldn't have brought it up if I thought is was "safe to assume".
>Obviously I _don't_ think so.  Marriage is a relationship between two
>adults, parenting between adults and children (why did you leave that out)?
>_I'm_ not married, and my kid(s) aren't accidents.  The reason I _don't_
>think it is "safe to assume" is that I have to deal with that inapplicable
>assumption every day: in my career (the original subject), in my relation-
>ships, in my daughter's schooling, in most everything that relates to her,
>and to me as a parent, and it makes a lot of difference.
>
>I also personally believe that that is a stupid assumption for people to
>make when choosing to live together and/or marry, but that's another issue.
>I'm not in favor of lumping numerous complex relationships under one single
>heading, and not giving it further thought.

OK, in your case that assumption does not apply, but in most cases it does.
I don't frown upon you for being an exception and if you choose to have
children out of wedlock, that's your perogative. The original arguement 
was about differences between marriage and SOship. I brought up the
issue of children, because (at the risk of repeating myself) in many,
but not all, relationships it is a major difference between SOships and 
marriage.