Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site decwrl.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!ucbvax!decwrl!levasseur@morgan.DEC (Ray EMD & S Admin 223-5027) From: levasseur@morgan.DEC (Ray EMD & S Admin 223-5027) Newsgroups: net.religion Subject: Some Personal thoughts on coming to know God Message-ID: <88@decwrl.UUCP> Date: Thu, 22-Aug-85 11:09:57 EDT Article-I.D.: decwrl.88 Posted: Thu Aug 22 11:09:57 1985 Date-Received: Sun, 25-Aug-85 04:19:52 EDT Sender: daemon@decwrl.UUCP Organization: Digital Equipment Corporation Lines: 96 I have never posted to tis group before but have been casually reading it for the past few weeks. I would like to share what I believe God has become to me. I see a lot of Agnostic as well as Fundamentalist dogma being passed back and forth across the network. From the time I was a small boy I was a God Hater; to me he was a big bully who only punished sinners. There was no love involved from my VERY strict Cath- olic upbringing. The Nuns were the Marine Corps of the church as far as I was concerned and continually warned the children of the sure punishment od an eternal hell for the mischiefous child. This was all back in the early 50's so I know times have changed a little in the church. The damage done to countless people by misinformed Catholic clergy back then is legion. Talk to any psycho- therapist and he can tell stories of the walking wounded; some irreparably damaged by the programming they recieved as children. God and I were not on speaking terms until my life reached a crisis point; my Dad was dieing (we had never been close) and my marriage was falling apart. I got involved with some Fundamentalist and could only find "Condemnation" for me in their readings. I obsessively read my Bible every day until I had a break- down. It took a very compassionate Protestant minister and therapist to help guide me back to rationality. After I started offloading the deadly burden of guilt that my upbringing placed on me I was able to view God and Jesus in a tot- ally different light. in my youth Christ was painted as the "Man of perpetual sorrows" by my relatives and the church I attended. I grew up believing that Jesus was God's whipping boy and never understood the relationship between the Father and the son. Hell! I didn't even know the relationship between my own father and myself. The minister who gave me pastoral counciling told me to get to know my father while he was still alive and to reconcile myself with him while there was still time. This was probably the most emotional time in my life as I told him I loved him. It also was the best single therapy to release me from my ambiguous feelings. He left this world knowing that we loved each other. I was now able to have a more positive relationship with God. The Bible started taking on new meaning; especially the New Testament. I now believe that it was God working through Father Michael that got through to me. A few years back I read a book titled "The Man Nobody Knew" about the life of Jesus. The book got lost and I cannot remember the author's name. Whoever the author was must have had a personal relationship with Christ because he became much more of a real person to me. God came here in the flesh to talk to us and re-affirm that he was the true Christ. He also came to experience life as a man with all it's pain and sorrow, but also it's joys. Jesus loved people and being with them, he wanted them well. I once saw a picture of Christ, clut- ching at his robe, laughing with tears rolling down his face. Some people took this as sacrilage but I'de rather believe that he did also laugh with us. My church painted him up as an eternal sourpuss while here but I see him as diff- erent. I gave up praying to saints, the dead and statues in favor of to him direct- ly. Sometimes my prayers are answered, sometimes not (the answer is no!) When my prayers are answered I know that it's not coincidence. When I was a kid my prayers were gimmmee gimmmeee gimmmeee, God doesn't work that way! I don't att- end any given church on a regular basis, religion has become a personal thing with me, but when I do it's usually a Protestant church. There seems to be so much more a sense of Christian community than the more sterile Catholic masses I grew up with. I've seen some comments that we're just a natural evolution in the universe and that God did not create us. If we're the greatest thing there is and were not created by a much higher power, then we're in a lot of trouble! I now look around me at the beauty of nature and say to myself, man didn't do this and it was no accident or fluke! A lot of thought had to be behind the orderliness of nature and the universe, much more than man can muster up with his little imagination. I just believe we were put here in our temporary little home and will be held accountable for how we treat it and each other. We're doing our best to destroy both. I find the book of Revelations kinda frightening since a lot of it hits home in today's world; just look at the Mid East. the Holy land. I used to put so much stock in material things and the word of other men. I'm starting to put much less faith in the material world; people lie, cheat, and steal while smiling to your face. I can see more now how imperfect we all are. Our manmade machinery wears out and rusts, our structures fall victim to the whims of nature, floods, earthquakes, etc. In some way it's God's way of reminding us, "Hey Kiddies, that's not all there is. Earth ain't forever so you'de better start acknowledging the source of all these temporary gifts and give thanks while you can". As fa as money goes, don't get me wrong, I enjoy the rewards that my salary brings in but that's not all there is. As I grow older I see more and more greed. Everything boils down to profit margins and people are expendable as far as the almighty dollar goes; it really makes me sick!" I'de rather not be a rich man but appreciate the little that I have. The world to me seems to be getting more and more disordered as we become more self centered as people. I'm only 38 and have seen less and less altruistic acts than when I was younger. I may be wrong. Finally on the glory of God. When I was young I was instructed to pray for anything for God's greater glory as well as my own benefit. I never understood what it meant to me until a few years ago. We're all given natural gifts which we can either develope or let atrophy. Someone who becomes a great composer, artist, healer or any other positive contributor tomankind also magnifies God's glory; we make him look good and don't even realize it. Our greatness is only an outgrowth of God's. Should I thank man for a new miracle vaccine; no! The real thanks should do to God for putting this person here and giving him the talent needed to do the research. One gift (although sometimes misused) which I find myself thanking the Lord for giving us a lot is music. It's one of the nicest common languages we can all share. Just some thoughts I've been meaning to share. Yeah I'm a sinner and ain't perfect and I ain't bragging about it. Ray