Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/5/84; site tove.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!gamma!epsilon!zeta!sabre!bellcore!decvax!genrad!panda!talcott!harvard!seismo!umcp-cs!tove!dsn From: dsn@tove.UUCP (Dana S. Nau) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: More women than men (making the first move) Message-ID: <274@tove.UUCP> Date: Mon, 15-Jul-85 00:05:50 EDT Article-I.D.: tove.274 Posted: Mon Jul 15 00:05:50 1985 Date-Received: Thu, 18-Jul-85 03:40:21 EDT References: <5557@cbscc.UUCP> <291@timeinc.UUCP> <1031@homxa.UUCP> Reply-To: dsn@tove.UUCP (Dana S. Nau) Organization: U of Maryland, Laboratory for Parallel Computation, C.P., MD Lines: 45 In article <1031@homxa.UUCP> carson@homxa.UUCP (P.CARSTENSEN) writes: >One problem with being a woman and making a first move is that >there sometimes you don't feel like you have much room between >being coy and "jumping the guy" ... You might enjoy the following passage from "Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior": Other so-called inventions turn out to be cases of historical ignorance. Take, for example, the "modern" matter of ladies asking gentlemen for dates. Have you never heard of "I find I have an extra theater ticket for Thursday night"? Yet one is constantly hearing of ladies who are puzzled about how to take the initiative and gentlemen who are bewildered about how to respond. Many ladies are unable to take no for an answer, and many gentlemen unable to give it. The roles of the pursuer and the pursued are well known in society, and there is no excuse for those who have practiced one side to botch things and plead ignorance when playing the opposite part. Miss Manners has no objection to a lady's initiating a social engagement, provided she does so in the dignified, straightforward way that ladies have always appreciated in gentlemen. This means that one suggests a specific date and activity, and is gracious if it is declined. After three separate refusals, one stops asking. Gentlemen should realize that it is perfectly proper to refuse such an invitation politely if one is not interested, and that elaborate excuses need not be given. Why is it, then, that a lady who knows what it is to be pestered with unwanted attentions does not know how to shrug and accept fate when her advances do not meet with success? Neither continued pursuit nor bitter behavior is gentlemanly, she should know. A gentleman, who knows what a rebuff is, will sometimes yield to the attentions of someone he doesn't really enjoy simply because he feels put on the spot at having been asked. He should know that it is a lady's prerogative to say no. They should both know that sexual attentions should never be demanded or given out of the disgusting notion that they are a return to the person who pays the entertainment bills. You see, Miss Manners has nothing at all against modern trivial variations on behavior, provided the traditions are observed. -- Dana S. Nau, Computer Science Dept., U. of Maryland, College Park, MD 20742 ARPA: dsn@maryland CSNet: dsn@umcp-cs UUCP: {seismo,allegra,brl-bmd}!umcp-cs!dsn Phone: (301) 454-7932