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From: ables@mcc-db.UUCP (King Ables)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Re: Just how far can friendship go? - deviding line submitted
Message-ID: <239@mcc-db.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 9-Jul-85 17:23:15 EDT
Article-I.D.: mcc-db.239
Posted: Tue Jul  9 17:23:15 1985
Date-Received: Fri, 12-Jul-85 04:31:13 EDT
References: <317@azure.UUCP> <2910@cornell.UUCP> <226@uwvax.UUCP>
Distribution: net
Organization: MCC (Austin, TX)
Lines: 47

>              I think that for most people, the SO-ship begins when the
> cloths start to come off or "Private Parts" are fondled.

I get the impression that this is what most people think.  Maybe I'm
a little old-fashioned, but isn't it possible to think of someone as
an SO BEFORE this happens??  I have certainly thought about girls/women
(no, I don't want to start THAT discussion again!) as SOs some finite
amount of time before jumping into bed.  I can't just jump into bed,
it take some serious consideration on my part (and hopefully on hers,
too) and THEN I jump :-).  My most recent(ly ended) relationship started
out as friends and eventually veered into the SO realm (in both our
views) before any of these alledged "lines" were crossed.  I think you
become SOs when that person means more to you than any of your other friends.
YOU ARE SOs WHEN YOU BOTH FEEL LIKE YOU ARE SOs (i.e. have some definable
amount of committment to each other).  If it takes jumping into
bed to make you feel that way, then that's what it takes.

> Also, pls. note that I said that SO-ship begins, & not friendship ends.
> I am a firm believer that to have a REAL relationship, you must be friends
> AND lovers.

Amen.  My above-mentioned relationship was the most fulfilling to date
simply because it started out as a friendship (a quite long one) before
the situation changed.  I had never known anyone else I went out with
as anything but a date/possible SO/SO before.  Asking your best friend
out for the first time is tough, but not as tough as asking a perfect
stranger.  I think to really have a successful relationship you almost
have to be best friends as well as lovers.  I am reminded of Burt Reynolds'
and Goldie Hawn's movie "Best Friends" which I only saw a few months ago
on cable.  When they decided to split up (at least for a while) one of the
things they both found hard about it was not having their best friend
around.  Now, admittedly, the characters didn't have too many other friends
besides each other which would have helped them some, but I liked the
importance the writers placed on being friends with your lover as well
as lovers.

In short (which I should have been in the first place, right?), this
whole discussion (about friendship ending and SOship beginning) is
fairly pointless since every person is going to have his or her own
definition of it.  There is no big thick black line that you can cross
and say "Aha, now we're SOs!"  Life ain't that easy.

-King
ARPA: ables@mcc
UUCP: {ihnp4,seismo,ctvax}!ut-sally!mcc-db!ables

"Today my jurisdiction ends here."  --John Cleese, Silverado