Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site gatech.CSNET Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!gatech!spaf From: spaf@gatech.CSNET (Gene Spafford) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: turndowns Message-ID: <420@gatech.CSNET> Date: Tue, 2-Jul-85 17:50:00 EDT Article-I.D.: gatech.420 Posted: Tue Jul 2 17:50:00 1985 Date-Received: Wed, 3-Jul-85 09:03:31 EDT References: <210@cuuxa.UUCP> <166@megad.UUCP> <1690@amdahl.UUCP> Reply-To: spaf@gatech.UUCP (Gene Spafford) Distribution: net Organization: The Clouds Project, School of ICS, Georgia Tech Lines: 233 It's interesting how discussions repeat themselves. The following is from my humor archives and appeared on the net just a little over a year ago. Enjoy. >From: rochester@xenon.DEC >Subject: An excuse you say? Try one of mine. >Posted: Wed Jul 11 12:58:48 1984 >Organization: DEC Engineering Network > > > 101 EASY WAYS TO SAY NO > >I'd love to, but... > > 1 I have to floss my cat. > > 2 I've dedicated my life to linguini. > > 3 I want to spend more time with my blender. > > 4 the President said he might drop in. > > 5 the man on television told me to say tuned. > > 6 I've been scheduled for a karma transplant. > > 7 I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture. > > 8 it's my parakeet's bowling night. > > 9 it wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People. > > 10 I'm building a pig from a kit. > > 11 I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it. > > 12 I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy. > > 13 there's a disturbance in the Force. > > 14 I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling. > > 15 I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted. > > 16 I'm teaching my ferret to yodel. > > 17 I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products. > > 18 I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawl. > > 19 I'm planning to go downtown to try on gloves. > > 20 my crayons all melted together. > > 21 I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes. > > 22 I'm in training to be a household pest. > > 23 I'm getting my overalls overhauled. > > 24 my patent is pending. > > 25 I'm attending the opening of my garage door. > > 26 I'm sandblasting my oven. > > 27 I'm worried about my vertical hold. > > 28 I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise. > > 29 I'm being deported. > > 30 the grunion are running. > > 31 I'll be looking for a parking space. > > 32 my Millard Filmore Fan Club meets then. > > 33 the monsters haven't turned blue yet, and I have to eat more dots. > > 34 I'm taking punk totem pole carving. > > 35 I have to fluff my shower cap. > > 36 I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian. > > 37 I've come down with a really horrible case of something or other. > > 38 I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist. > > 39 my plot to take over the world is thickening. > > 40 I have to fulfill my potential. > > 41 I don't want to leave my comfort zone. > > 42 it's too close to the turn of the century. > > 43 I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary. > > 44 my subconscious says no. > > 45 I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store. > > 46 I left my body in my other clothes. > > 47 the last time I went, I never came back. > > 48 I've got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting. > > 49 I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters. > > 50 none of my socks match. > > 51 I have to be on the next train to Bermuda. > > 52 I'm having all my plants neutered. > > 53 people are blaming me for the Spanish-American War. > > 54 I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out. > > 55 I'm making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in My > Refrigerator." > > 56 I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer. > > 57 my yucca plant is feeling yucky. > > 58 I'm touring China with a wok band. > > 59 my chocolate-appreciation class meets that night. > > 60 I never go out on days that end in "Y." > > 61 my mother would never let me hear the end of it. > > 62 I'm running off to Yugoslavia with a foreign-exchange student named > Basil Metabolism. > > 63 I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and I can't put > it down. > > 64 I'm too old/young for that stuff. > > 65 I have to wash/condition/perm/curl/tease/torment my hair. > > 66 I have too much guilt. > > 67 there are important world issues that need worrying about. > > 68 I have to draw "Cubby" for an art scholarship. > > 69 I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others. > > 70 I promised to help a friend fold road maps. > > 71 I feel a song coming on. > > 72 I'm trying to be less popular. > > 73 my bathroom tiles need grouting. > > 74 I have to bleach my hare. > > 75 I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner. > > 76 I'm writing a love letter to Richard Simmons. > > 77 you know how we psychos are. > > 78 my favorite commercial is on TV. > > 79 I have to study for a blood test. > > 80 I'm going to be old someday. > > 81 I've been traded to Cincinnati. > > 82 I'm observing National Apathy Week. > > 83 I have to rotate my crops. > > 84 my uncle escaped again. > > 85 I'm up to my elbows in waxy buildup. > > 86 I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar. > > 87 I'm having my baby shoes bronzed. > > 88 I have to go to court for kitty littering. > > 89 I'm going to count the bristles in my toothbrush. > > 90 I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner. > > 91 having fun gives me prickly heat. > > 92 I'm going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking > for me. > > 93 I have to jog my memory. > > 94 my palm reader advised against it. > > 95 my Dress For Obscurity class meets then. > > 96 I have to stay home and see if I snore. > > 97 I prefer to remain an enigma. > > 98 I think you want the OTHER [your name] . > > 99 I have to sit up with a sick ant. > > 100 I'm trying to cut down. > > 101 ... well, maybe. > >Fri 15-Jul-1983 08:15 EST > > > (UUCP) {decvax, ucbvax, allegra}!decwrl!rhea!xenon!rochester > > (ARPA) decwrl!rhea!xenon!rochester@Berkeley > decwrl!rhea!xenon!rochester@SU-Shasta -- Gene "3 months and holding" Spafford The Clouds Project, School of ICS, Georgia Tech, Atlanta GA 30332 CSNet: Spaf @ GATech ARPA: Spaf%GATech.CSNet @ CSNet-Relay.ARPA uucp: ...!{akgua,allegra,hplabs,ihnp4,linus,seismo,ulysses}!gatech!spaf