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From: dsn@tove.UUCP (Dana S. Nau)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: More women than men (making the first move)
Message-ID: <274@tove.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 15-Jul-85 00:05:50 EDT
Article-I.D.: tove.274
Posted: Mon Jul 15 00:05:50 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 18-Jul-85 03:40:21 EDT
References: <5557@cbscc.UUCP> <291@timeinc.UUCP> <1031@homxa.UUCP>
Reply-To: dsn@tove.UUCP (Dana S. Nau)
Organization: U of Maryland, Laboratory for Parallel Computation, C.P., MD
Lines: 45

In article <1031@homxa.UUCP> carson@homxa.UUCP (P.CARSTENSEN) writes:
>One problem with being a woman and making a first move is that
>there sometimes you don't feel like you have much room between
>being coy and "jumping the guy" ...

You might enjoy the following passage from "Miss Manners' Guide to
Excruciatingly Correct Behavior":

    Other so-called inventions turn out to be cases of historical
    ignorance.  Take, for example, the "modern" matter of ladies
    asking gentlemen for dates.  Have you never heard of "I find I have
    an extra theater ticket for Thursday night"?  Yet one is constantly
    hearing of ladies who are puzzled about how to take the initiative
    and gentlemen who are bewildered about how to respond.  Many ladies
    are unable to take no for an answer, and many gentlemen unable to
    give it.
    
    The roles of the pursuer and the pursued are well known in society, and
    there is no excuse for those who have practiced one side to botch things
    and plead ignorance when playing the opposite part.  Miss Manners has no
    objection to a lady's initiating a social engagement, provided she does
    so in the dignified, straightforward way that ladies have always
    appreciated in gentlemen.  This means that one suggests a specific date
    and activity, and is gracious if it is declined.  After three separate
    refusals, one stops asking.  Gentlemen should realize that it is
    perfectly proper to refuse such an invitation politely if one is not
    interested, and that elaborate excuses need not be given.
    
    Why is it, then, that a lady who knows what it is to be pestered with
    unwanted attentions does not know how to shrug and accept fate when her
    advances do not meet with success?  Neither continued pursuit nor bitter
    behavior is gentlemanly, she should know.  A gentleman, who knows what a
    rebuff is, will sometimes yield to the attentions of someone he doesn't
    really enjoy simply because he feels put on the spot at having been
    asked.  He should know that it is a lady's prerogative to say no.  They
    should both know that sexual attentions should never be demanded or
    given out of the disgusting notion that they are a return to the person
    who pays the entertainment bills.
    
    You see, Miss Manners has nothing at all against modern trivial
    variations on behavior, provided the traditions are observed.
-- 
Dana S. Nau,  Computer Science Dept.,  U. of Maryland,  College Park, MD 20742
ARPA:  dsn@maryland				CSNet:  dsn@umcp-cs
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