Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84 exptools; site ihuxa.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxn!ihnp4!ihuxa!hoff From: hoff@ihuxa.UUCP (Hoff) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: Hurting the other by a "no" Message-ID: <750@ihuxa.UUCP> Date: Tue, 16-Jul-85 00:56:56 EDT Article-I.D.: ihuxa.750 Posted: Tue Jul 16 00:56:56 1985 Date-Received: Wed, 17-Jul-85 07:53:05 EDT References: <5557@cbscc.UUCP><591@unc.UUCP> <854@ihlpg.UUCP> Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories Lines: 25 > > Having to reject someone is ALMOST as bad as BEING rejected. > > > > Frank Silbermann > > Yes!!! And I still haven't learned how to do it to my satisfaction (ie, > gently, but clearly--I tend to err on either side, and resulting situations > are not nice.) > I know it's possible--but how? > I will bet that someone out 'there' is thinking, 'You're young--you'll learn.' > To which I reply, how many more people will I hurt before I get my act > together? I'd rather learn from someone else's experience. There's enough > pain in the world already--why create more? > > AMBAR I'm a (almost totally) self-actualized individual and I KNOW that my emotions are my own CHOICE. Yes, folks, choice. If I cannot handle a no from you, it is my own growing that I had best tend to. I also bring this into my relationships. If I say "no thank-you" to someone and they are hurt, it does move me a bit. But I realize that to treat them as any less a person than what I asked to be treated (ie. give them a chance to choose to be responsible for their emotions) would be looking down upon them. Gypsy (Julie Hoff) ....!ihnp4!ihuxa!hoff