Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 (Tek) 9/28/84 based on 9/17/84; site hammer.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxt!houxm!mtuxo!mtunh!mtung!mtunf!ariel!vax135!cornell!uw-beaver!tektronix!orca!hammer!seifert From: seifert@hammer.UUCP (Snoopy) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: More women than men (really who initiates things) Message-ID: <1379@hammer.UUCP> Date: Sat, 13-Jul-85 22:34:55 EDT Article-I.D.: hammer.1379 Posted: Sat Jul 13 22:34:55 1985 Date-Received: Wed, 17-Jul-85 06:15:47 EDT References: <210@cuuxa.UUCP><462@unc.UUCP> Reply-To: seifert@hammer.UUCP (Snoopy) Organization: The Daisy Hill Puppy Farm Lines: 42 Summary: In article <484@ihu1e.UUCP> mjv@ihu1e.UUCP (Vlach) writes: > ... I have generally found that men PREFER to >be the one making the moves. It just so happens that I am a somewhat >aggressive female, and many of the men I know and/or have pursued find me >intimidating. (I have been told about this directly by close male friends.) >I know a lot of men claim to want women to make the first move, but in >practice I find it disturbs many of them. (Of course, some of them think >it's wonderful!) It's sort of hard to comment on this without knowing you. There is a wide range of aggressiveness, from just past neutral to the stereotypical used car salesjerk. You call yourself "somewhat aggressive", while your close male friends say that you are "intimidating". Why is that? I suggest asking them for specific examples of why/when they find you intimidating. (they may not be able to think of a specific example, sometimes it's just a general impression. but it won't hurt to ask) There are a number of possibilities: perhaps you are more aggressive than you think you are, perhaps you are sending out the wrong signals, perhaps you're sending the right signals but they are reading them wrong, perhaps you have happened upon a batch of males that can't handle an aggressive female. >Some ideas about this: either men are just used to being the aggressor, or >perhaps they like to feel like a conquering hero? Dunno. Sure, some men are used to being the aggressor/conquering hero, just look at the role models we get: Indiana Jones, Luke Skywalker, James Bond, the various John Wayne stuff, Conan, etc. Others of us (including me) prefer it when both parties contribute. Somewhere on the order of 50/50. For one thing, it provides a nice feedback mechanism. Asking the guy out, initiating the first kiss, or undoing that first button says a lot more than passively going along with whatever the guy gets up the nerve for. And there are those who prefer having the female do *all* the initiating. I would *suspect* that these are in the minority, anyone feel like doing a survey? Snoopy tektronix!hammer!seifert