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From: rlr@pyuxd.UUCP (Rich Rosen)
Newsgroups: net.philosophy,net.religion,net.singles
Subject: Re: Re: marriage = commitment
Message-ID: <1204@pyuxd.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 12-Jul-85 15:02:19 EDT
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Posted: Fri Jul 12 15:02:19 1985
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>>I've heard a lot of talk about how getting married can ruin things.  I'm not 
>>sure I understand this (I have never been married).  What's the big difference
>>between being married and living together.  I lived with a guy for 1.5 years
>>and at some points I think it would have been easier if we had been married,
>>although neither of us was ready for that.  [REA SIMPSON]

> I don't know why  it  happened,  but  when  I  got  married  something
> changed.  We  both noticed it and had a few minor arguments because of
> it.  In our case, though, all  it  took  was  to  recognise  what  was
> happening and make an extra effort to be more tollerent. [ROBERT A. PEASE]

It seems that the worst thing that marriage does to two people is the way
it makes them take each other for granted.  As if, throughout "courtship",
they were just playing up their good side, showing off their good points
and hiding their flaws; but once the rings are exchanged, he's (she's) got
her (him)!  No longer does either one have to worry about "making a good
impression" on the other one.  Leave your clothes all over the place,
don't bother paying any attention to your appearance, be a general slob
and/or boor, don't bother putting up the front of consideration, etc.

Not that this happens to all couples, but it seems to fit for those who
ask "What happened to my marriage?" and then answer their own question with
"It's all my spouse's fault!"  Some people were brought up with very strange
ideas of what marriage and relationships are supposed to be like, and these
expectations may be bludgeoned away by the reality of being married to another
person.  Isn't divorce inevitable if they continue to try to force their
expectations onto the other person?

I can't help but think that the entertainment industry perpetuates such
ridiculous notions about relationships.  How many soaps/MTV videos/etc.
have had, as their bottom line, problems in relationships that are all the
*other* person's fault?  Not just the cockeyed heavymetal videos that
depict the woman who won't succumb to her boyfriend's wishes as the "problem"
in a relationship, but those shows/videos that work in the reverse sense, too!
It certainly isn't helping us get rid of these notions that have their roots
in arcane traditions that offer simple roles and expectations for everyone
to adhere to...
-- 
Like a turban (HEY!), worn for the very first time...
			Rich Rosen   ihnp4!pyuxd!rlr