Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 11/03/84 (WLS Mods); site fisher.UUCP
Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!allegra!princeton!astrovax!fisher!david
From: david@fisher.UUCP (David Rubin)
Newsgroups: net.sport.baseball
Subject: Re: Real Baseball Fans
Message-ID: <686@fisher.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 24-Jun-85 09:12:50 EDT
Article-I.D.: fisher.686
Posted: Mon Jun 24 09:12:50 1985
Date-Received: Tue, 25-Jun-85 07:47:17 EDT
References: <2754@decwrl.UUCP>
Organization: Princeton University Department of Statistics
Lines: 54


[Elaborating on Mike Ryan's posting:]

> Real Baseball Fans complain loudly about cold hot dogs for $1.30 and 
> 	warm beer for $1.60.
> Real Baseball Fans shell out more money on cold hot dogs and warm beer
> 	during a game than a front-row box seat would cost.

This certainly isn't peculiar to REAL baseball fans.  Real Baseball
Fans show up for batting practice before a night game, and have to buy
dinner at the park, compounding the problem, though.

> Real Baseball Fans don't vote for the All-Star teams.

Real Baseball Fans DO vote for All-Star teams (see my other posting of
this date).  They just ignore the ballots of Unreal Baseball Fans.

> Real Baseball Fans love Real Baseball Parks (Fenway, Wrigley).

If Wrigley is the Esmarelda of baseball parks, then Fenway is the
hunchback of Notre Dame -- misshapen and distorted.  (I think I'm
about to get some mail...)

> Real Baseball Fans believe God intended baseball to be played in open air and
> 	bright sunshine on real grass.

Real Baseball Fans believe God intended the working man to attend ball
games any day of the week.  It appears, then, that God has provided
us with yet another dilemma.

> Real Baseball Fans do NOT participate in the Wave.

Bravo!  Amen!  DOWN IN FRONT!!!!!!

> Real Baseball Fans can relieve themselves and buy a beer in (exactly) the
> 	time it takes for a relief pitcher to come in and complete his
> 	practice throws.

Real Baseball Fans must do this very quickly indeed, as they wouldn't
miss the most important managerial decision (leave him in, take him
out) of the game.  From the time the bullpen is signalled till the
next pitch is thrown leaves you at most a minute and a half to do all
this, competing with thousands of other real and unreal fans for beer
and urinal.  Real Baseball Fans bring a change of underwear, then.

> Real Baseball Fans take in every pitch, except when too busy arguing whether
> 	the last play was a hit or an error.

Real Baseball Fans make exceptions when struggling to see who's
starting to warm up or who's starting to loosen up in the dugout...
DOWN IN FRONT!!!! Damn waves!

					David Rubin
			{allegra|astrovax|princeton}!fisher!david