Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.PCS 1/10/84; site mtgzz.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxn!ihnp4!drutx!mtuxo!mtgzz!dls From: dls@mtgzz.UUCP (d.l.skran) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: intelligence/a different view/NO SOCIO BIO STUFF/promise Message-ID: <877@mtgzz.UUCP> Date: Sun, 30-Jun-85 02:56:13 EDT Article-I.D.: mtgzz.877 Posted: Sun Jun 30 02:56:13 1985 Date-Received: Tue, 25-Jun-85 07:56:24 EDT Organization: AT&T Information Systems Labs, Holmdel NJ Lines: 88 I was one of those nurd types in high school, smart, scorned, etc. You know the routine. I looked forward to college & all the smart women I was going to meet. SURPRISE: I met a lot of smart women. Scads. Some even liked me. What I found was the following: 1)There are many kinds of intelligence. Two people can both be very good even in the same area and yet think so differently as to preclude any close communication. 2)Once the POS is roughly equivalent to you in both level & type of intelligence, personality & interests & values dominate completely. This situation continues to this day. Hence, I say: Intelligence is necessary but not sufficient. Intelligence is as you find it, not what the SAT scores said. I've known plenty of people with low SATS and stupendous intelligence. I don't go round asking people what their scores are. I ask out interesting, alive people who share my interests. The vast majority turned out to have 600/700 SATs, but this is NOT why I went out with them. I have three major pieces of advice to the lovelorn: 1)(from Ann Landers, I think)Focus on being a person others can love, rather than finding someone to love. If you're not happy by yourself, you probably won't be happy when you are involved with someone either. Go for your interests with a passion. Enlist others with your enthusiasm. Some of those you enlist will be of the opposite sex. Take it from there. I personally have gotten a lot of mileage out of science fiction groups & the L5 Society, but to each their own. I can assure you that sitting at home will *not* help. 2)Play the game/be realistic. This is going to sound like I've sold out, but I think it's true. Whatever women say, they are still dominated by some fairly traditional images. They want muscular, sexy men who speak in soft sensuous tones and ply their every whim. Well, some part of them wants this. I may get flamed, but I think this is the reality. So do the basics: 1)Be clean. Women tend to like clean men. Can't imagine why. 2)Try not to be a physical wreck from drugs, overwork, bad diet, lack of exercise, whatever. I'd strongly suggest trying your hand at some group/individual sport that appeals to you. I find that individual sports - running, weightlifting, martial arts, camping ,etc appeal to me the most. Even if you're terrible, you will improve - and so will your self-confidence. See (4). Even if you hate all exercise, I suggest you do it anyway - living at a terminal is a quick road to health problems. 3)Maximize your strengths, whatever they are. At a minimum, you can be a nice guy. This counts for a lot, sometimes. 4)Don't act desperate. Don't be a puppy dog. Every women I've ever talked to on this has indicated STRONGLY that desperate men who fawn on them are turnoffs. Act confident even if you're not. 5)Be realistic. If you're not the classy kind of guy, forget the classy women. There are others out there who will go for you - if you bother to look them up. Let me be blunt about it: swans fly with swans & ducks with ducks. You may find that a duck in hand is worth a flock of swans in the sky. 6)Forget the meatmarkets(bars) and other conventional approaches. Follow the above rules in a setting you prefer - camping, civic groups, etc. 3)Assess realistically your geographic location. Thousands of smart women/men and people in general are not located in isolated desert spots. They hang out around university towns, big cities, major research operations, etc. Places like, say, Bell Labs. You will have a much better chance of meeting people if there is a lot going on than if there is only a little(e.g Barl's Bay, Alaska). I have an uncle who is in MENSA, is unmarried, and sometimes puts out personals. His basic problem is that he is isolated both socially and geographically on a farm in the middle of nowhere. I'm not saying you can't find someone this way, merely that you should expect it to be a challenge. Somebody was lecturing people to stop whining. Well, I've whined a good bit in my day, and it felt good. Still does. Just don't do it on a date. Good Luck, Dale This is REALLY not the opinion of AT&T. Really!