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From: jordan@ucbvax.ARPA (Jordan Hayes)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: friendship vs. SOship
Message-ID: <8732@ucbvax.ARPA>
Date: Wed, 3-Jul-85 11:30:31 EDT
Article-I.D.: ucbvax.8732
Posted: Wed Jul  3 11:30:31 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 4-Jul-85 05:04:00 EDT
References:  <510@unc.UUCP> <322@azure.UUCP>
Reply-To: jordan@ucbvax.UUCP (Jordan Hayes)
Distribution: net
Organization: University of California at Berkeley
Lines: 49
Keywords: sex, object, subject, friend

(Chris Andersen) writes:

>>>Where does a friendship end and an SOship begin?

(Frank Silbermann) writes:

>>With the beginning of sexual behavior.  That's why "SO" ought to stand
>>for "Sex Object."  Since people don't like to be thought of as objects,
>>perhaps we should change it to "SS" for "Sex Subject."

(Chris Andersen) writes:

>Okay, then what is sexual behaviour?  Does a hug count as sexual behaviour?
>How about a kiss?  Holding hands?  Snuggling?
>
>Just Curious.

I suppose I gave up the distinction a long time ago. When you start
putting labels on someone close to you, you're bound to come up with
contradictions eventually. I have found that sex is another special
thing in a long list of special things you do with those who you are
close to. Like going to Art Galleries, playing raquetball, seeing a
movie, talking about "the profound subjects", goofing off, getting
drunk, going to a ballgame, etc.

Why is sex so special that it should change the letter and spirit of a
relationship? If you start out as "friend" and suddenly (after a night
of sex) become "lover", what has changed? Have you lost a friend and
gained a lover, or do you now have a friend with whom you share the
intimacy of sex? Do you love that person any more now that you have had
sex with them? If you meet a (fill_in_the_gender) at a bar and take
them home for a roll in the hay and then, after a few more times
together find that you both enjoy skiing and become ski-partners, have
you lost a lover and gained a friend, or have you found another area of
interest that you are exploring together?

If you really love someone in that SO sort-of-way and have never had a
sexual encounter with them are they not your SO ?? My solution has been
to merge the two with the reasonable expectation that I will have
relationships where sex is an integral part and some where it wont.
Also, not all my friends like to see movies with me (mostly they don't
like my taste, but that's another story...). Oh, also I prefer the
scenario of "sleeping with my friends" rather than "being friends with
those whom I sleep with", but I guess that's just me...

------------
Jordan Hayes        jordan@ucb-vax.BERKELEY.EDU
UC Berkeley                       ucbvax!jordan
+1 (415) 835-8767    37' 52.29" N 122' 15.41" W