Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.3 alpha 4/15/85; site ucbvax.ARPA Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxn!ihnp4!ucbvax!jordan From: jordan@ucbvax.ARPA (Jordan Hayes) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: friendship vs. SOship Message-ID: <8732@ucbvax.ARPA> Date: Wed, 3-Jul-85 11:30:31 EDT Article-I.D.: ucbvax.8732 Posted: Wed Jul 3 11:30:31 1985 Date-Received: Thu, 4-Jul-85 05:04:00 EDT References:<510@unc.UUCP> <322@azure.UUCP> Reply-To: jordan@ucbvax.UUCP (Jordan Hayes) Distribution: net Organization: University of California at Berkeley Lines: 49 Keywords: sex, object, subject, friend (Chris Andersen) writes: >>>Where does a friendship end and an SOship begin? (Frank Silbermann) writes: >>With the beginning of sexual behavior. That's why "SO" ought to stand >>for "Sex Object." Since people don't like to be thought of as objects, >>perhaps we should change it to "SS" for "Sex Subject." (Chris Andersen) writes: >Okay, then what is sexual behaviour? Does a hug count as sexual behaviour? >How about a kiss? Holding hands? Snuggling? > >Just Curious. I suppose I gave up the distinction a long time ago. When you start putting labels on someone close to you, you're bound to come up with contradictions eventually. I have found that sex is another special thing in a long list of special things you do with those who you are close to. Like going to Art Galleries, playing raquetball, seeing a movie, talking about "the profound subjects", goofing off, getting drunk, going to a ballgame, etc. Why is sex so special that it should change the letter and spirit of a relationship? If you start out as "friend" and suddenly (after a night of sex) become "lover", what has changed? Have you lost a friend and gained a lover, or do you now have a friend with whom you share the intimacy of sex? Do you love that person any more now that you have had sex with them? If you meet a (fill_in_the_gender) at a bar and take them home for a roll in the hay and then, after a few more times together find that you both enjoy skiing and become ski-partners, have you lost a lover and gained a friend, or have you found another area of interest that you are exploring together? If you really love someone in that SO sort-of-way and have never had a sexual encounter with them are they not your SO ?? My solution has been to merge the two with the reasonable expectation that I will have relationships where sex is an integral part and some where it wont. Also, not all my friends like to see movies with me (mostly they don't like my taste, but that's another story...). Oh, also I prefer the scenario of "sleeping with my friends" rather than "being friends with those whom I sleep with", but I guess that's just me... ------------ Jordan Hayes jordan@ucb-vax.BERKELEY.EDU UC Berkeley ucbvax!jordan +1 (415) 835-8767 37' 52.29" N 122' 15.41" W