Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: Notesfiles $Revision: 1.7.0.4 $; site uiucdcs Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!bonnie!akgua!whuxlm!whuxl!houxm!ihnp4!inuxc!pur-ee!uiucdcs!authorplaceholder From: liberte@uiucdcs.Uiuc.ARPA Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Collected Communication 101 Message-ID: <26600132@uiucdcs> Date: Thu, 4-Jul-85 03:38:00 EDT Article-I.D.: uiucdcs.26600132 Posted: Thu Jul 4 03:38:00 1985 Date-Received: Fri, 5-Jul-85 07:41:00 EDT Lines: 65 Nf-ID: #N:uiucdcs:26600132:000:3141 Nf-From: uiucdcs.Uiuc.ARPA!liberte Jul 4 02:38:00 1985 Maybe I'm learning something here. Seems like many (not all) of my more promising (from my perspective) encounters sound like this: /* Written 9:55 pm Jun 29, 1985 by thb@unisoft.UUCP in uiucdcs:net.singles */ I was walking down the street today, and passed by two quite lovely women playing folk-music on the sidewalk. ... Yet, I got the feeling I was being ignored. ... I'm not sending out a sob story here, but just want some feedback on what other people out there see in these kind of unsatisfying specks of social intercourse, those BLAH happenings that seem to hold so much promise, and then leave you with that 'Oh, ok... oh well..." feeling. - Tim Bessie /* End of text from uiucdcs:net.singles */ Yes, I get those blahs. I dont usually extend myself enough to turn them into crushing defeats. But the discomfort of having tried and failed is enough to give me pause - why does this have to be? I am not an aggressive kind of guy, unless I am feeling confident and have something to say or give which I feel (usually without thinking about it) will be appreciated. So I have resolved what was shyness into a quite intensity, ready to jump in when it feels right. Ah, but there's the rub. You have to test the waters. You have to take some risk - just getting out of bed in the morning, let alone getting in. And even the most casual social encounter is fraught with potential disasters. (E.g. Last week, a woman I barely smiled at in a store later, outside, gave me the finger. I was shocked! I've spent hours trying to figure out what I might have done to deserve such an offense.) So given all that could go wrong, why worry? Actually, most of my encounters are rather encouraging. There is usually something interesting to talk about, and if there isnt, enh!, what does it matter. Just be friends, I remind myself. I've had a fairly fulfilling relationship in the past which gives me confidence that I can have such things again. But what about when something more interesting comes up? This curious tension creeps up on me. Do something or you'll miss your chance. Maybe this will be good, really good, or maybe not, who knows... Too early to think about that. OK, talk. Talking... yes, interesting... I like her, hmm.. does she like me.?. talking... oh, that was a creepy thing to say... sorta like the Woody Allen parallel-dialog with Anne Hall. Well, the problem is that this unease is born of, perhaps, the wrong approach, a misguided pursuit of something that will come naturally if it comes at all. I have to keep reminding myself to forget about anything else and just be there - or was that here? where was I?.. Oh yeah... Remember: Listen and speak from the heart and mind. Enjoy life and suddenly discover life enjoyable. Etc... Hmm.. but my WILL to do something while doing nothing carries me through the interaction as if I were balancing on one leg with my eyes closed. I can't do it long, and I fall back into the old firmly rooted pattern. But I learned a bit more along the way. Dan LaLiberte liberte@uiucdcs.Uiuc.ARPA ihnp4!uiucdcs!liberte