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From: rance@cornell.UUCP (W. Rance Cleaveland)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Sex and the SO
Message-ID: <3063@cornell.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 11-Jul-85 14:17:20 EDT
Article-I.D.: cornell.3063
Posted: Thu Jul 11 14:17:20 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 13-Jul-85 11:21:06 EDT
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Organization: Cornell Univ. CS Dept.
Lines: 41

> > This may sound old-fashioned, but the "Sexual Revolution" notwithstanding, I
> > think 'The Act', or the possibility thereof, separates friendship and SOship for
> > most people.  
> 
> Do most people feel that SOship has more to do with exclusivity or sex?  I
> would tend to place SOship above sex.  Certainly many people have sexual
> relations with more than one person at a time (not necessarily all partners
> present at the same time).

In retrospect I perhaps didn't express myself very clearly when I made my
initial comment above.  (Incidentally I've been kind of amused by the re-
sponses I've seen to this remark.  Hardly anyone notices the "or the
possibility thereof" phrase, and at least to my mind this is the most im-
portant part of what I had to say.).

I believe that a certain physical attraction plays a major role in whether
most people view someone as an SO or as "just" a friend.  In these times
this physical attraction frequently has a sexual expression, though not
always (thank God).  It's also the case that many people don't love everyone
they have sex with; on the other hand I think even the most sexually liberated
among us will admit that sex, in theory a purely physical sensation, can
awaken in us certain deep-seated feelings.  Among my sexually liberated
friends, for instance, I've noticed a tendency toward lots of one- and 
two-night stands, and I think the reason is that if they have sex with the
same person more than that the feelings I allude to surface, and they don't
want that.

> ...
> Clearly there isn't any clear cut dividing line, as has been previously
> stated, so SOship must be defined by each person based on what they think
> it is.  After all, SO is just a label, it's the meaning that counts.

I'll agree that SOship must be defined by each according to his or her
desires; on the other hand I don't think that the "dividing line" is as
relative as most people think.  Sometimes I shake my head over people like
a friend I have who insists that sex is just pleasure and has no commit-
ments and yet who always "falls" for everyone she has sex with.  Her cap-
acity for self-delusion on this matter has caused her a lot of grief; I
bring her up only to say that I suspect she's got lots of company....

Rance Cleaveland