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From: greenber@timeinc.UUCP (Ross M. Greenberg)
Newsgroups: net.women
Subject: Re: Holding doors
Message-ID: <286@timeinc.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 10-Jul-85 11:57:05 EDT
Article-I.D.: timeinc.286
Posted: Wed Jul 10 11:57:05 1985
Date-Received: Fri, 12-Jul-85 00:48:06 EDT
References: <798@sphinx.UChicago.UUCP>
Reply-To: greenber@timeinc.UUCP (Ross M. Greenberg)
Organization: Time, Inc. - New York
Lines: 61
Summary: 

In article <798@sphinx.UChicago.UUCP> mmar@sphinx.UChicago.UUCP (Mitchell Marks) writes:
(Writing about holding doors open for women):
>	At any rate I *call* it a trivial issue, since it ought to be.
I agree.  It really isn't the type of thing that I lose sleep over. It
was just an example that I brought up, if you recall.

>	My perspective here is that my experience in the last few years
>has been different from what RG reports.  I pretty routinely hold doors
>for people, and I have *never* gotten an argument, or a snide comment, or
>a dirty look......
>.....So how come?  I don't want to suppose it's a basic difference
>between NYC and Chicago, but who knows?

Well, I didn't mean to imply that if you hold a door open for someone
in NYC that you take your life in your hands!  Getting a bad reaction
doesn't happen that frequently -- maybe once a month, if that often.
Usually the person(s) I hold the door for smile, say thanks, and move on.
A major difference between NY and Chicago might be more doors?? :-)


>	Then what's left?  Perhaps a difference in how to do it.  Now, please
>don't get offended, RG,

I'm not....good questions, no flame.  How nice!

> this isn't meant as a criticism or provocation, just
>a question.  Do you think you might come across as making a special point of
>it, e.g. doing it with some sort of big flourish, or hurrying to get to the
>door first so as to be able to hold it?  I do seem to recall that you said
>at one point that you're bothered at someone resenting it when you "go out
>of [your] way to be nice to them" (that's paraphrase, not real quotation).

I'm not aware of making a big deal out of it, but you certainly do
have to go out of your way: it may take a few seconds longer to
hold a door, but it is something that one doesn't have to do: to do
it is to go out of your way......I think....

>	Handling the other end of this interchange could also bear some
>discussion, except that the answer is much simpler.  Nod and say "Thank
>you".  That should do, regardless of whether you're male or female, and
>regardless of whether the person holding the door is male or female. 
>(Of course, if they do bow and sweep their hat off, you might look for
>another response.)

And that is what it really comes down to: you should respond to *anyone*
being polite by being polite back to them.  What was it that 
Robert Heinlein said about the first sign of a decaying society? Oh, yes:
that the first sign is a lack of societal courtesy.

Thanks Mitch....you made me think!



-- 
------------------------------------------------------------------
Ross M. Greenberg  @ Time Inc, New York 
              --------->{ihnp4 | vax135}!timeinc!greenber<---------

I highly doubt that Time Inc. they would make me their spokesperson.