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Path: utzoo!watmath!water!watcgl!dmmartindale
From: dmmartindale@watcgl.UUCP (Dave Martindale)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: More women than men
Message-ID: <2161@watcgl.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 7-Jul-85 12:29:52 EDT
Article-I.D.: watcgl.2161
Posted: Sun Jul  7 12:29:52 1985
Date-Received: Mon, 8-Jul-85 01:07:39 EDT
References: <210@cuuxa.UUCP>  <462@unc.UUCP> <1105@peora.UUCP> <629@tpvax.fluke.UUCP> <262@timeinc.UUCP> <5464@tektronix.UUCP>
Reply-To: dmmartindale@watcgl.UUCP (Dave Martindale)
Organization: U of Waterloo, Ontario
Lines: 53

In article <5464@tektronix.UUCP> moiram@tektronix.UUCP (Moira Mallison ) writes:
>
>Essentially, as we get older, there are FEWER men "available" for partnering
>for a variety of sociological and biological reasons.  More female babies
>were born, a higher childhood mortality rate for males, and a shorter life
>expectancy for males in general are cited as the major biological reasons
>(and they call US the weaker sex?).  The sociological reasons have to do
>with girl-children being socialized to "marry up", combined with women
>(particularly we baby-boomers) doing well in our own right, 
>making "up" even higher, and therefore, decreasing further the number of
>"available men".

It bothers me that women complain about the lack of "available men" when,
in fact, part of the problem is their own desire to "marry up".  Though
I can't really blame women for marrying up if they have the opportunity
(everyone is a bit of an opportunist at least) I find it difficult to
stomach men being blamed when a woman can't find someone to "marry up" to.
Sure, it's not the woman's fault that she was socialized to want that,
but if it becomes a problem, why blame the men for not being good enough?

I'm not sounding off at Moira in particular, just the attitude that the
situation is tough on women but they bear no responsibility for it, that
somehow men are failing them.

I read a particularly annoying article about this a few years ago.
It went on and on about the lack of suitable men.  But in one place it did
admit that, statistically, there were more unmarried men than women up until
the age of 29 or so, even though many of the woman readers of the article
would be younger than that.  And it contained one example that particularly
upset me.  A single woman decided to have a party, inviting a number of
single men and women.  The article went on to say that "there was only
one really interesting man there - a surgeon - and all the women arranged
themselves around him, hanging on his every word".  Now, how did they think
the other men felt about this?  How many of the women who were complaining
about the quality of men were surgeons themselves?

I think a lot of the problem is the attitude of the women.  If a woman
can find a man to "marry up" to, fine - that is her priviledge.  If she
can't find a man who is her equal, she has my sympathy.  But if she
rejects men who are her equals because she is looking for someone "better",
she has my anger.

(As a man, it is difficult looking for someone who is your equal if the
women who *are* your equals are all looking for someone better.)

Another thought: if a woman does "marry up", explicitly seeking someone who
is "above" her in status, should she then have any reason to expect him to
see her as an "equal"?

	Dave Martindale, watmath!dmmartindale

	(if you really want to discuss this with me, use mail - I seldom
	read news anymore).