Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site watnot.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!watnot!rmariani From: rmariani@watnot.UUCP (Rico Mariani) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: Aggressiveness Message-ID: <11286@watnot.UUCP> Date: Tue, 16-Jul-85 10:46:17 EDT Article-I.D.: watnot.11286 Posted: Tue Jul 16 10:46:17 1985 Date-Received: Wed, 17-Jul-85 08:14:23 EDT References: <5557@cbscc.UUCP> <816@ihlpg.UUCP> <307@zaphod.UUCP> Reply-To: rmariani@watnot.UUCP (Rico Mariani) Organization: U of Waterloo, Ontario Lines: 57 Summary: I've been reading articles from net.singles for so long without posting anything that I was beginning to feel like I was eavsdropping. Here comes exactly 2.0 cents worth of opinion. In article <307@zaphod.UUCP> timm@zaphod.UUCP (Tim Melanchuk) writes: >The actual ratio at any one time may be anything, but on tl%average >I'd say 50-50 is about right. I don't like being the aggressor all >the time (read: should we go out, when, where, with whom, etc) but >I definately like to make my preferences known. One thing that really >irritates me are the "I don't care - you decide" responses. >... >If we both take the initiative at times I can be reasonably >comfortable in assuming that she is doing what she wants to do at >least 50% of the time. If I make more of the choices, I tend to feel >more uncomfortable in not knowing whether she is really enjoying >herself and doing what she wants to do. >... >I like an agressive women to match my own agressiveness. >Of course this may be partly because I have a hidden streak >of shyness or insecurity. > >Tim Melanchuk {ihnp4|alberta}!sask!zaphod!timm I think Tim and I have very similar viewpoints here. I don't like to be the driving force behind everything that gets done, it makes me think "is this really whatwants to be doing?". I think that this applies to relationships with all your friends, not just your SO. Tim says that he likes that ratio at about 50-50, that's a good place for it to sit because it gives everybody involved a feeling of control over the situation. There is nothing intrinsicly (sp?) wrong with the woman making more than half the decisions. If you find that you don't like the decisions that are being made you shold think about finding another SO. The decisions that were being made could be a problem but the fact that the woman was making them wouldn't. As for women opening doors for me, asking me out or any of these other "aggressive" things, I can't see any reason to take offense. I'm the kind of guy who likes to open doors and send flowers etc. but it doesn't make me at all uncomfortable to be on the receiving end of any of these gestures (then again, how many women do you know who send flowers to guys?). If there are men out there who have their masculinity threatened buy a woman opening a door for them I think they are in dire need of a good psycologist. -Rico ...!{allegra|decvax|clyde|ihnp4}!watmath!watnot!rmariani The opinions expressed above couldn't possibly be those of the University because if they were they might be sued for gigabucks-- that would come out of my tuition and I can't afford it. If you live under a rock you won't get a tan.