Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site amdahl.UUCP Path: utzoo!decvax!decwrl!sun!amdahl!gam From: gam@amdahl.UUCP (G A Moffett) Newsgroups: net.flame Subject: "The Net Held Hostage, Day 1" Message-ID: <1735@amdahl.UUCP> Date: Wed, 3-Jul-85 03:02:01 EDT Article-I.D.: amdahl.1735 Posted: Wed Jul 3 03:02:01 1985 Date-Received: Wed, 3-Jul-85 19:15:16 EDT References: <777@vax2.fluke.UUCP> Reply-To: gam@amdahl.UUCP (G A Moffett) Distribution: na Organization: Blue Mouse Trailer Resort, Hellmouth, CA Lines: 62 [ Voice over: ] ... brought to you by Beatrice, a manufacturer and distributor of just about everything you consume. [ Upbeat, pseudo-teletype music, brass instruments, etc... fade. Camera on the somber face of one of America's most respected newspeople. ] Good evening. Once again, terror has gripped the hearts and minds of Usenet users everywhere, as The Net was taken hostage by yet another deranged, twisted criminal. Who could have forseen that out of the sleepy town of Everett, Washington, an entire communications network could be taken for ransom, a network whose safety now depends entirely on the whims of a crazed madman, threatening to unleash the awesome power of The Canonical Collection of Lightbulb Jokes unless The Net accedes to his demands. And just what are his demands? In his first communique, we heard: [ Cut to crazed terrorist gripping a seemingly endless stream of computer printout ] > Until creation of net.terror, I will use this general forum to make MY > demands of the net. Stop chuqui. If you do not, I will be forced to > destroy the entire network by posting hundreds of lightbulb jokes to > net.sources, and dozens of unrotated obscenities to net.general. With a resigned, grim-looking Net held as a sheild before him, this terrorist then demonstrated just a small sample of what awaits the world if, in fact, net.terror is not created. [ Subtitle: "The following contains graphic scenes of violence which may not be suitable for younger or more sensitive viewers." Pause. More file footage: ] > If you doubt my sincerity, I will give you a tiny demonstration of > my power > > Q: What's green, Irish, and stays out all night? > A: Patty O'Furniture! > > Ha Ha Ha!!! There's no way to stop me! Better give in to my demands. What lies ahead? Over the coming weeks, we will be providing nearly continuous interruptions of your daily routine to keep you informed of the latest events in this, the newest hostage crisis. No detail, no speculation, no matter how ludicrous or insignificant, will be overlooked, so that you can be assured of being the most informed people on the face of the earth. [ Upbeat, pseudo-teletype music returns. Newsguy goes back to shuffling his notes. ] [ Voice over: ] This special report, "The Net Held Hostage, Day 1", has been brought to you by Beatrice, an international conglomerate and maker of telecommunications equipment, including the Bell 212A modem. -- Gordon A. Moffett ...!{ihnp4,cbosgd,sun}!amdahl!gam