Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 (Tek) 9/28/84 based on 9/17/84; site tektools.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxt!houxm!mtuxo!mtunh!mtung!mtunf!ariel!vax135!cornell!uw-beaver!tektronix!daemon!tektools!janec From: janec@tektools.UUCP (Jane Caputo) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: How far can friendship go? Message-ID: <315@tektools.UUCP> Date: Mon, 15-Jul-85 03:50:39 EDT Article-I.D.: tektools.315 Posted: Mon Jul 15 03:50:39 1985 Date-Received: Wed, 17-Jul-85 20:36:04 EDT Distribution: net Organization: Tektronix, Beaverton OR Lines: 56 I'm starting to suspect that the difference in attitudes about platonic relationships has something to do with age. Most of my younger friends seem to agree with Chris Anderson: >I wonder why they can't do it without turning on? Even more important, >why do they feel they *HAVE* to finish it off by making love? I wonder if >it might just be that they *feel* that they must do it, not that they really >have to. I think that some people just don't realize that you *don't* have >to go 'all the way' every time you touch another persons body. In the fifties and early sixties there were girls around (I wouldn't dream of calling them women) who bragged about going to bed with their boyfriends and refusing to allow them to finish. They were "saving it" for their husbands. They were "good" girls, in contrast to the "bad" girls who let boys go all the way. Listening to them turned my stomach. In the sixties we decided our husbands (if we chose to marry) could do without that great gift. We were entitled to have premarital sex and enjoy it. After all those years of not being able to, it was a privilege. It became a women's issue similar to abortion today: women who didn't do it personally (like me, since I was already married) still thought it important to support those who did. Men who still wanted to classify women into "good" and "bad" were obviously hopelessly behind the times, and we weren't interested in them anyway. But some responsibility came with the freedom. We were entitled to be honest when we wanted someone, but we were also honest when we weren't interested. We didn't advertise what wasn't available. I've gone through all the ancient history so you can see why I would never be alone with a man kissing and hugging, unless I wanted to finish. I started to say unless I wanted to make love, but actually to me the kissing and hugging *is* making love. In fact there are a whole complex of other things, like certain kinds of compliments, that also to me are part of the lovemaking. I would never do them under any other circumstances. Now, I don't say that once I got myself into that situation, I could never imagine myself saying no. There have been times when I've changed my mind. But I haven't felt good about doing that to someone. And if a man did it to me, I'm sure I'd feel hurt. If he tried to smooth it over by saying he was just a friend who had never intended to do any more than a little kissing and hugging, I'd be furious. I'm really interested in what you are all saying about this kind of non- sexual closeness. You're really the post-revolutionary generation, and it's interesting to sit back and see how it all got sorted out. It may turn out to be a really good, healthy thing. I hope so, but I'm not so convinced that I'm anxious to try it myself. Jane Caputo {allegra, ihnp4, decvax, ucbvax...}!tektronix!tektools!janec Tektronix, Inc. M.S. 74-900 P.O. Box 500 Beaverton, OR 97077 (503) 627-1764