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From: chrisa@azure.UUCP (Chris Andersen)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: More essays on friendship by The Stranger
Message-ID: <338@azure.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 10-Jul-85 03:13:02 EDT
Article-I.D.: azure.338
Posted: Wed Jul 10 03:13:02 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 13-Jul-85 09:35:19 EDT
Reply-To: chrisa@azure.UUCP (Chris Andersen)
Distribution: net
Organization: Tektronix, Beaverton OR
Lines: 109
Summary: 

I was replying to a message someone sent me when I realized that the
contents of the letter were appropriate to my current stint of writing
in this news group.  So, once again I invite you all into a personal
tromp through the mind of one Christopher David Andersen (know to 
some and all as "The Stranger")



-----Beginning of letter----
[ This began in reference to my use of the term "wrong idea" in a ] 
[ previous posting ]

  By "wrong idea" I mean "I am only doing this so that I can get a quick
fuck out of you and I don't give a shit about you otherwise".

  Of course I would be lying if I said I don't have even the remotest 
intentions when I do anything physical with a women.  I do, but they are
not my only intentions.

  I look at it this way:  There is a women who is tired, tense, whatever,
who could use a good back rub.  So, I give her one.  Of in one small corner
of my mind I will be thinking "hmmmmm, there is the slight possibility that
this could lead to more enjoyable activities".  However, this impulse is 
tamed by the rest of my mind which is thinking "Now, now, I'm only rubbing her
back, an activity that is very unlikely to lead to anything more (despite
all those Penthouse Forum letters you read to the contrary).  However, if
something does happen, I won't nescessarily stop it.  If it does, I will way
the important factors at hand and will then decide if taking the natural
course is most appropriate (and least harmful to all concerned).  In other
words: if it happens, great, if it doesn't, so what, life's an adventure
that doesn't always go the way you want it."

  I've only had one instance in my life where this philosophy came into play.
I was at a sci-fi convention when I met a female neophyte (ie a first timer
when it came to sci-fi conventions).  She was in a situation where several
other men were semi-manhandling her (an activity which does occur quite often
at sci-fi conventions, but usually not with neophytes (sort of an unwritten
rule)).  Naturally, she sort of freaked when this happened.  I happened to
be near by when this was happening (we had exchanged a few words and I had
given her one of those "non-threatening" back rubs).  Well, as the evening
progressed, she became a "little" tipsy after a "few" drinks and was 
quickly loosing control over the situation.  She only extracted herself at the
last minute with a resounding "NO!".  She then got up to leave the room and
go back to her room to get some sleep.  However, she was drunk, and could
barely stand up.  Sooooo, she asked me (I guess since I had been friendly
to her beforehand) to help her back to her room.

  Now, I must pause here to tell you that I did have "naughty" thoughts 
running through my head when this happened (again this comes from reading
to much Penthouse Forum).  And it did occur to me that I had here what
could (and would) be an unique opportunity (one of those fantasies that
often run through our heads when we are in that "amorous" mood).  Also, and
this is important, I had never (at this time) been (in *any* way) with a 
women (and I was 18 at the time).  Frankly, I was a horny little bastard.
So the stage seemed to be set for a possibly dangerous evening.

  When we got back to her room, she did invite me in (dream fantasy phase I).
She did get to talking to me about life, the universe, everything (dream
fantasy phase II).  She did say I was a very "nice" boy (dream fantasy
phase III).  And she felt so grateful for my giving her an open ear to which
she could tell all her lifes troubles that she felt she owed me something
(dream fantasy phase IV, end Act I).  

  Now Act II is verbatim Penthouse Forum (I won't go into details here).
However, Act II never opened.  Here's why.

  You remember how she was grateful for listening to her problems and that
she was offering something in return (I think you can guess what the something
is).  Well, one of her problems was that she had the opinion that the only
way she could make friends with men was to fuck them.  That's right, fuck'em.
(pardon the obscenity, but I feel it is needed).  Here I am with the 
realization of all my fantasies and in order for Act II to begin, I have to
turn around and hurt another human being.  Frankly, I figured it wasn't worth
it.  On one side I wanted to comply with her, and on the other side, I wanted
her to stop destroying herself with this problem.  The latter won out.

  I did spend the night with her, and I did sleep in the same bed with her,
with my clothes on, and holding her not sexually, just protecively.

  I may be patting myself on the back here, but I felt pretty good after that
night.  

  However, the next day I destroyed what I had built.

  You see, I still had that little devil in my head that said: "Okay, last
night you had to stop yourself to prevent hurting her.  But by tonight, her
misconceptions will be gone and you can the fuck her without guilt."  

  Angel one day, Devil the next.

  I guess my horny side finally caught up with me.
 
  I turned into a puppy dog.  This women had given me a little attention
the night before.  The next day I followed her everywhere, much to her
annoyance.  By the next evening I had fallen out of graces with her and
might very well have destroyed any good I did the night before.  I also
spent probably what is the worst night of my life tearing apart my brain
trying to decide what to do (so this is what a mental collapse feels like).

  I still feel guilty about this, but I can say that I have learned from it.



  This is Chris Andersen reporting to you from the battle torn mind of a person
just now coming to terms with reality.  

  Back to you Dan.
-- 
"Roads?  Where we're going we don't need any roads!"