Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site ames.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxn!ihnp4!qantel!dual!ames!barry From: barry@ames.UUCP (Kenn Barry) Newsgroups: net.philosophy,net.religion,net.singles Subject: Re: Re: marriage = commitment Message-ID: <1044@ames.UUCP> Date: Tue, 16-Jul-85 23:00:08 EDT Article-I.D.: ames.1044 Posted: Tue Jul 16 23:00:08 1985 Date-Received: Thu, 18-Jul-85 08:25:06 EDT References: <508@ttidcc.UUCP> <485@oliveb.UUCP> <684@lll-crg.ARPA> <500@oliveb.UUCP> <11274@watnot.UUCP> Organization: NASA-Ames Research Center, Mtn. View, CA Lines: 40 Xref: watmath net.philosophy:2055 net.religion:7247 net.singles:7945 > I've heard a lot of talk about how getting married can ruin things. I'm not > sure I understand this (I have never been married). What's the big difference > between being married and living together. I lived with a guy for 1.5 years > and at some points I think it would have been easier if we had been married, > although neither of us was ready for that. > > Rea Simpson It seems to me that the subject line, "marriage = commitment", just about says it all. When a couple is only living together, their commitment to one another must in a sense be renewed daily. There is no implication of permanence in the arrangement. No specific problem need arise for a break to occur. Either party may simply weary of the situation, and decide to end it. With marriage, I believe a future commitment is made. It is not an *absolute* commitment to stick it out no matter what; that would not be realistic. Things change, people change, and there are no guarantees in this life. But, to me at least, marriage *does* mean a complete commitment to the relationship as it exists at the time of the marriage. In other words, each party is saying to the other, "there is nothing about you that I'm currently aware of which would ever cause me to leave you." I think some people take an opposite view of marriage, and for these people marriage can become the end of their relationship. They hope that the act of marriage will help resolve their difficulties, instead of resolving them before they make the commitment. Perhaps this works, sometimes, but when it doesn't work, the person finds they've made a lifetime commitment to an unsatisfactory mate. So they recognize their mistake, and call it quits. And marriage ends up destroying a relationship that worked reasonably well when they only lived together. Incidentally, I've lived with women both with contract (i.e. married) and without, and thoroughly approve of both. I don't mean to imply that lifelong commitment *can't* exist without formal marriage vows, only that it rarely does. - From the Crow's Nest - Kenn Barry NASA-Ames Research Center Moffett Field, CA ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- USENET: {ihnp4,vortex,dual,nsc,hao,hplabs}!ames!barry