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From: pc@hplabsb.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.women
Subject: Re: opportunities, women (anecdotal)
Message-ID: <2998@hplabsb.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 16-Jul-85 16:02:35 EDT
Article-I.D.: hplabsb.2998
Posted: Tue Jul 16 16:02:35 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 18-Jul-85 06:15:19 EDT
References: <893@mnetor.UUCP> <5642@utzoo.UUCP> <896@mnetor.UUCP>
Organization: Hewlett Packard Labs, Palo Alto CA
Lines: 53

There has been much in this group lately about "men taking care of women"
and the place of women in the paid workforce.  Based on my experiences, it
is both naive and irresponsible for a person to become unable to support
herself (& family), regardless of any contractual agreement she might have
with her spouse/sugar_daddy/mate/relatives to "be taken care of."  The
headlines in this week's _Newsweek_ claim that over 50% of family households
will be headed by a single parent by 1990 (excuse any small errors in my
recollection of the cover figures).  The huge majority of those household
heads will be women.  Now, while it may be that the missing dads are kicking
in childsupport (or even alimony), those women need to be able to support
their families.
Anecdote #1: My aunt stayed home after marriage to raise children & keep the
nest in shape.  At 42 yrs old, my uncle had a severe stroke that left him
permanently disabled.  He could live a very long life, but will have extra-
ordinary expenses.  My aunt will have to be the "provider" if they are to
have more than the poverty existence the government provides as assistance.

Anecdote #2: My cousin stayed home after marriage to raise children & to make
a picture-perfect nest.  Her husband wanted a bridge partner, party planner,
and fashion model, and in exchange provided the $$ for that lifestyle.  It
apparently was too much for him.  He left her, lost a series of jobs, and
is in need of psychiatric care.  She now must raise two children (both with
exceptional academic "potential") and will have no childsupport (since her
ex is unable to hold a job).  She won't have the luxury of being able to go
back to school to prepare for a career.  She's lost her home as well, which
means pouring money into apartments.

Anecdote #3: My mom & dad had an agreement that she would take care of 
homemaking and he would earn the money.  She was forced back into the job
market when finances required extra income (due to need to support their
parents).  Later, dad lost half his stomach to ulcers & the surgeon's blade,
then fought with skin cancer.  Due to health problems, he can't work much
now.  Mom has shown an exceptional business skill and has made it from
keypunch operator to Personnel Director.  Her pension and acquired benefits
will be all they have at retirement time (5 yrs away).

All of these women are very angry.  They didn't ask for these new 
responsibilities and were lulled by lifetime vows and Cinderella stories.
Ironically, in the case of my mom, she is obviously the one who had the
business skills in the family.  She's had to push for the recognition of
her contributions, but her company is now looking at their women employees
as good potential for filling management positions.  ALSO, for the first time 
in my mom's life, she is beginning to believe that she has good ideas and can
contribute in many domains.  Her self-image has improved greatly and with
that she is trying more new things.  Except for still feeling she didn't ask
for the stress of corporate life, she thoroughly enjoys being more "worldly"
and being involved with a diverse group of people.

						Patricia Collins

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