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From: rance@cornell.UUCP (W. Rance Cleaveland)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Just how far can friendship go?
Message-ID: <2910@cornell.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 5-Jul-85 13:06:05 EDT
Article-I.D.: cornell.2910
Posted: Fri Jul  5 13:06:05 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 7-Jul-85 04:59:05 EDT
References: <317@azure.UUCP>
Distribution: net
Organization: Cornell Univ. CS Dept.
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> Mainly I'm concerned with the physical aspects of a relationship.  That is,
> just how physical can friends be before they can no longer be considered 
> just friends?  I'll give an example to show what I mean.
> 
> In college this past year, I got to know a female student who hung out at the
> campus radio station like I did.  She already had a boyfriend, so any sort of
> SOship was understandably ruled out.  However, we carried on much like we were
> SOs.  That is, we hugged quite often.  We played (for lack of a better term)
> snugglebunnies on the coach.  But we never did 'The Act' as Ann Landers refers
> to it.  About the most we ever did was just shy of kissing (on the lips).      
> Now I just want to know why I can't seem
> to have this kind of relationship with others of the opposite sex?

This may sound old-fashioned, but the "Sexual Revolution" notwithstanding, I
think 'The Act', or the possibility thereof, separates friendship and SOship for
most people.  In the relationship you describe, the possibility of sex, if there
to begin with, was certainly extremely remote, and hence neither of you felt 
under pressure to live up (or down) to the sexual expectations of the other.
Thus freed from sexual anxiety, it sounds to me as though you were able to
attend to each other's need for affection without worrying about whether things
should "get out of hand" (to borrow a phrase from "St. Elmo's Fire).
Unfortunately in most relationships, the sexual ambiguity remains present, so
there is always a mild level of tension anytime the celebrants engage in any
physical contact....

I'll certainly agree with you that the kind of relationship you describe is
extremely edifying and satisfying.  It's such a relief to be freed from the onus
of wondering whether you're living up to her sexual expectations or wondering
why she isn't (or is :-)).  Just another plug, I suppose, for being friends
first (where by friends I mean friends with no sexual expectations).

Regards,
Rance Cleaveland