Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site cornell.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxt!houxm!mtuxo!mtunh!mtung!mtunf!ariel!vax135!cornell!rance From: rance@cornell.UUCP (W. Rance Cleaveland) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Sex and the SO Message-ID: <3063@cornell.UUCP> Date: Thu, 11-Jul-85 14:17:20 EDT Article-I.D.: cornell.3063 Posted: Thu Jul 11 14:17:20 1985 Date-Received: Sat, 13-Jul-85 11:21:06 EDT References: <317@azure.UUCP> <2910@cornell.UUCP> <226@uwvax.UUCP> <271@tellab3.UUCP> Distribution: net Organization: Cornell Univ. CS Dept. Lines: 41 > > This may sound old-fashioned, but the "Sexual Revolution" notwithstanding, I > > think 'The Act', or the possibility thereof, separates friendship and SOship for > > most people. > > Do most people feel that SOship has more to do with exclusivity or sex? I > would tend to place SOship above sex. Certainly many people have sexual > relations with more than one person at a time (not necessarily all partners > present at the same time). In retrospect I perhaps didn't express myself very clearly when I made my initial comment above. (Incidentally I've been kind of amused by the re- sponses I've seen to this remark. Hardly anyone notices the "or the possibility thereof" phrase, and at least to my mind this is the most im- portant part of what I had to say.). I believe that a certain physical attraction plays a major role in whether most people view someone as an SO or as "just" a friend. In these times this physical attraction frequently has a sexual expression, though not always (thank God). It's also the case that many people don't love everyone they have sex with; on the other hand I think even the most sexually liberated among us will admit that sex, in theory a purely physical sensation, can awaken in us certain deep-seated feelings. Among my sexually liberated friends, for instance, I've noticed a tendency toward lots of one- and two-night stands, and I think the reason is that if they have sex with the same person more than that the feelings I allude to surface, and they don't want that. > ... > Clearly there isn't any clear cut dividing line, as has been previously > stated, so SOship must be defined by each person based on what they think > it is. After all, SO is just a label, it's the meaning that counts. I'll agree that SOship must be defined by each according to his or her desires; on the other hand I don't think that the "dividing line" is as relative as most people think. Sometimes I shake my head over people like a friend I have who insists that sex is just pleasure and has no commit- ments and yet who always "falls" for everyone she has sex with. Her cap- acity for self-delusion on this matter has caused her a lot of grief; I bring her up only to say that I suspect she's got lots of company.... Rance Cleaveland