Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site timeinc.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxt!houxm!mtuxo!mtunh!mtung!mtunf!ariel!vax135!timeinc!greenber From: greenber@timeinc.UUCP (Ross M. Greenberg) Newsgroups: net.women Subject: Re: Holding doors Message-ID: <286@timeinc.UUCP> Date: Wed, 10-Jul-85 11:57:05 EDT Article-I.D.: timeinc.286 Posted: Wed Jul 10 11:57:05 1985 Date-Received: Fri, 12-Jul-85 00:48:06 EDT References: <798@sphinx.UChicago.UUCP> Reply-To: greenber@timeinc.UUCP (Ross M. Greenberg) Organization: Time, Inc. - New York Lines: 61 Summary: In article <798@sphinx.UChicago.UUCP> mmar@sphinx.UChicago.UUCP (Mitchell Marks) writes: (Writing about holding doors open for women): > At any rate I *call* it a trivial issue, since it ought to be. I agree. It really isn't the type of thing that I lose sleep over. It was just an example that I brought up, if you recall. > My perspective here is that my experience in the last few years >has been different from what RG reports. I pretty routinely hold doors >for people, and I have *never* gotten an argument, or a snide comment, or >a dirty look...... >.....So how come? I don't want to suppose it's a basic difference >between NYC and Chicago, but who knows? Well, I didn't mean to imply that if you hold a door open for someone in NYC that you take your life in your hands! Getting a bad reaction doesn't happen that frequently -- maybe once a month, if that often. Usually the person(s) I hold the door for smile, say thanks, and move on. A major difference between NY and Chicago might be more doors?? :-) > Then what's left? Perhaps a difference in how to do it. Now, please >don't get offended, RG, I'm not....good questions, no flame. How nice! > this isn't meant as a criticism or provocation, just >a question. Do you think you might come across as making a special point of >it, e.g. doing it with some sort of big flourish, or hurrying to get to the >door first so as to be able to hold it? I do seem to recall that you said >at one point that you're bothered at someone resenting it when you "go out >of [your] way to be nice to them" (that's paraphrase, not real quotation). I'm not aware of making a big deal out of it, but you certainly do have to go out of your way: it may take a few seconds longer to hold a door, but it is something that one doesn't have to do: to do it is to go out of your way......I think.... > Handling the other end of this interchange could also bear some >discussion, except that the answer is much simpler. Nod and say "Thank >you". That should do, regardless of whether you're male or female, and >regardless of whether the person holding the door is male or female. >(Of course, if they do bow and sweep their hat off, you might look for >another response.) And that is what it really comes down to: you should respond to *anyone* being polite by being polite back to them. What was it that Robert Heinlein said about the first sign of a decaying society? Oh, yes: that the first sign is a lack of societal courtesy. Thanks Mitch....you made me think! -- ------------------------------------------------------------------ Ross M. Greenberg @ Time Inc, New York --------->{ihnp4 | vax135}!timeinc!greenber<--------- I highly doubt that Time Inc. they would make me their spokesperson.