Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site ut-ngp.UTEXAS
Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!bonnie!akgua!whuxlm!harpo!decvax!genrad!panda!talcott!harvard!seismo!ut-sally!ut-ngp!sunil
From: sunil@ut-ngp.UTEXAS (Sunil Trivedi)
Newsgroups: net.women,net.nlang.india
Subject: Re: Parents & Arranged Marriages
Message-ID: <1857@ut-ngp.UTEXAS>
Date: Fri, 21-Jun-85 12:55:15 EDT
Article-I.D.: ut-ngp.1857
Posted: Fri Jun 21 12:55:15 1985
Date-Received: Wed, 26-Jun-85 05:14:37 EDT
References: <1795@ut-ngp.UUCP> <27@ucbcad.UUCP> <1625@amdcad.UUCP>
Organization: The University of Texas, Austin, TX 78712
Lines: 65
Xref: watmath net.women:6056 net.nlang.india:464


 From: linda@amdcad.UUCP (Linda Seltzer)  <1625@amdcad.UUCP>
> As an American reading this newsgroup, it was interesting to hear the
> comment "who can understand you better than your parents?".
 
   Not too many Americans could make that statement.

> If the son or daughter gets along well with the parents, then
> an arranged marriage does not sound like a bad idea.  The parents
> might know some very nice people.  However, if the young person does
> not get along well with the parents, then problems could most
> probably occur.  In my own life in the U.S. I was always interested
> in the arts professionally and my parents completely opposed it.

   Imagine a girl in both a liberal and conservative setting.  If
   she is inclined to study, both settings may encourage her to con-
   tinue her studies.  The liberal setting may encourage her to
   study whatever she may want, while the conservative setting may
   encourage her to study "marriable" subjects (like arts).  If she
   wanted to pursue an even higher education, the liberal setting may
   okay it, but like the conservative setting, it would have some res-
   ervations.  Excessive education may 'price' the girl out of most of
   the marriage market.  This situation (excessive education) would
   make the parents scramble for marriage partners for their daughter.
   The chances for these girls to find a 'perfect' match (one which is
   in favor of the girl) is almost nil.  They will be pushed on to the
   first Tom-Dick-or-Harry who shows any interest and many times there
   will be great incentives to have a guy take their girl (like bigger
   dowries, expensive 'gifts').  This of course may make the parents of
   the girl take a tremendous financial hit. Knowing the girl is limited
   to knowing her 'Opportunity Costs for Marriage'. Consider how a class
   of 'Bounty Hunters' who look for these 'deals' could easily exist.
   In North America (USA & Canada), how many know of Indian colleagues
   who have gone to India to get an Indian doctor as a wife?  :-)

> one looks forward to the opportunity to marry someone who might
> be a little better off or who has more education.  

   Reasons why a guy would take a girl poorer than himself include:
	1) girl is very doscile and can be 'molded' easily to fit into
	   guy's family.
	2) girl is very good-looking (everyone wants to have attractive
	   children and grand-children).

   Reasons why a girl would take a guy poorer than herself include:
	1) girl is 'priced out' of the marriage market.  This includes
	   widows and divorcees.
	2) guy is well-educated and/or lives abroads.

   As noted by Prentiss Riddle (riddle@ut-sally), a marriage is actually
   a marriage of families so when I mention 'Reasons why a ...', I am
   also referring to their families.

   As one can see, education is always a plus for the guy, while for the
   girl, education can be a minus.  Is this why many 'highly-educated'
   girls marry non-Indians?
					     Sunil Trivedi
					   sunil@ut-ngp.ARPA

					     \          /
					   ut-sally  netword
					       \      /
					   	ut-ngp
					  	  |
						 sunil