Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84 exptools; site ihuxf.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!bonnie!akgua!whuxlm!whuxl!houxm!ihnp4!ihuxf!features From: features@ihuxf.UUCP (M.A. Zeszutko) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: Just how far can friendship go? Message-ID: <2625@ihuxf.UUCP> Date: Wed, 3-Jul-85 21:27:50 EDT Article-I.D.: ihuxf.2625 Posted: Wed Jul 3 21:27:50 1985 Date-Received: Fri, 5-Jul-85 07:14:21 EDT References: <317@azure.UUCP> Distribution: net Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories Lines: 45 [Comments on the line between SO and friendship...where to draw it] > Mainly I'm concerned with the physical aspects of a relationship. That is, > just how physical can friends be before they can no longer be considered > just friends? [...] That is, we hugged quite often... > About the most we ever did was just shy of kissing (on the lips). > ... > yet my RDA of > physical and emotional comfort was fulfilled because of my relationship > to this girl, *despite* the fact that we never, ever did anything that others > might consider sexually fulfilling. Now I just want to know why I can't seem > to have this kind of relationship with others of the opposite sex? Furthermore, > I suspect that a few friends of this variety would equal the gratification > that can come from an SOship. > > Any comments? > > Chris Andersen (aka "The Stranger") Chris, I hope the editing leaves in what you consider significant. Your comments about touching and your RDA of affection seems to me to be symptomatic of American society. We're phobic about non-sexual touching (and many are phobic about touching, period). Particularly in industries that are machine-oriented, we need to compensate for the lack of touch in our lives. Touch is laden with significance; people don't know how to handle it. We all need it (I've heard it estimated that we need 4 hugs a day for mere *maintenance* of mental health, let alone growth!), yet we all want to deny it. "I am a rock, I am an island", as the song goes. So what do we do? We get involved in bad relationships. We take all sorts of abuse. We do things that, on the surface, are self-destructive. We can put up with an almighty great amount of bad to get a little good. It's so much easier to find folks who, like oneself, might be afraid of touching. It's often easiest to just say, "I don't touch, whatever the provocation." (I've heard prostitutes say that one aspect of their work is just holding men, because the men can not get that nurturing in any other way.) It's a risk to hug. It's also very rewarding. Let's risk. I'm open for hugs, and I (unlike Lucy in Peanuts) don't charge 5 cents. -- aMAZon @ AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL; ihnp4!ihuxf!features