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From: fft@philabs.UUCP (Fryderyk Tyra)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Puppy-dog-ism
Message-ID: <372@philabs.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 25-Jun-85 14:48:06 EDT
Article-I.D.: philabs.372
Posted: Tue Jun 25 14:48:06 1985
Date-Received: Fri, 28-Jun-85 00:37:34 EDT
References: <2175@ut-sally.UUCP>
Distribution: net
Organization: Philips Labs, Briarcliff Manor, NY
Lines: 63

> 
> One person's "puppy-dog-ism" is another's sincere devotion.
> 
> It all depends upon whether you really
> WANT the attention.
> 
> 
> 
> Pooh
> 
> pooh@purdue-ecn-cb.ARPA   pooh@ut-sally.ARPA
> pur-ee!pooh               ut-sally!pooh
> 
> Just remember the words of Abraham Lincoln:
> "Why is Andrew Johnson always following me around?"

	I have to admit that my first relationship with an MTOS
was a classic case of puppy-dogism.  I followed around and
had that longing-look in my eyes all the time.  I would tend to
think that most people's first relationship would happen this
way (puppy love).  Unfortunately I had my first relationship when I
was 20 because of my overprotected upbringing.  It was a very
one sided love that dragged out for two and half years.  I really had
no comparisons to go by except for my friends', but I was too much
in love to listen to their warnings.
	This puppy-dogism phenomena is also related to the pedestal
phenomena.  When you're so blinded by your own love for an MTOS you
tend to see only through a white mist.  The cherished MTOS, which is
is considered to be perfect, is "put on a pedestal" so to speak.  This
way, the relationship runs away without any checks and balances and
just blows up in the end.
	In the two serious relationships that I've had, both of the
MTOS's warned me of this pedestal effect.  In my first relationship
I didn't take heed, but in the second I was fully aware of the possible
problem.  It's hard to detect when puppy-dogism/on-the-pedestal phenomena
occur.  Basically one has to decide when to stop trying so hard when the
MTOS is not returning the attention.  When you're young and new at the game
of love it's very hard to know what's wrong or right.  This puppy-dogism 
is unavoidable and a good lesson in certain respects.  But, when it's
taken too far it can become devastating to the person on the giving end.
It can leave a scar that will take a long time to heal.  The MTOS on the
receiving end should be very tactful and try to help the person afflicted
with this puppy-dogism -- Sometimes it's cruel to be kind.  In the case
of puppy-dogism it's better to turn down this offer of attention no
matter how much the MTOS says they don't mind that the attention is not
returned.  Most of the time,  a puppy-dog relationship never turns into
a real sharing relationship and winds up in a mess.  It's better to hurt
a little now than to take on the battle scars that are inevitable and
more severe at a later date.


				Learning the hard way,

					Fritter



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