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From: fsks@unc.UUCP (Frank Silbermann)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Opening Lines
Message-ID: <520@unc.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 30-Jun-85 21:04:30 EDT
Article-I.D.: unc.520
Posted: Sun Jun 30 21:04:30 1985
Date-Received: Fri, 5-Jul-85 06:33:49 EDT
Organization: CS Dept., U. of N. Carolina at Chapel Hill
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I have found that as long as I'm not obnoxious about it, almost any
opening line will do, provided that the woman was already interested in me.
If I'm not the woman's preferred physical type, then I must constantly
entertain her with my wit and personality (difficult!).  Any minor mistake
or lull in the conversation will result in an immediate rejection.

The expert "pick up artist" is not so much a more outstanding person in
any way than you or I; he succeeds largely because he approaches only
those women who are likely to be receptive to him.

So how to tell?  This requires a good ability to read "body language".
A person's words tell only what he thinks, but his gestures will tell
what he feels.  We have some capacity to for reading body language.
By looking at a person, most of us can tell if he is sad or happy,
frightened or secure, relaxed or exited.  We learn in nursery school
that a smile means one thing, a frown something else.  Just as surely,
body language will reveal whether a person is interested in getting
to know you better.

Once, I ignored body language, refusing to trust any intuition
that my rational mind could not verify.  The trouble with relying on
a person's spoken words, however, is that many things one would like
to tell you would be too embarassing to verbalize, or would make one
feel too vulnerable.  Another difficulty was that I could not pay
much attention to someone elses gestures and posture while also
concentrating on my own feelings (usually fear and embarassment).
Eventually, I realized my mistake.  I read everything about body language
I could find, until I felt confident that I could believe what I saw.
A bonus was that concentrating on the other person's emotional state
distracted me from my own discomfort.

In case any of you are interested in further reading (and I hope that
you are), let me recommend two current books that are very good:

BODY SPEECH by Samy Molcho.  This book has many good photographs,
	making the information easy to absorb.

LOVE SIGNALS by Dr. David B. Givens.  This book concentrates on
	gestures and postures seen in all phases of courtship,
	from inital meeting to the beginning of foreplay.  It is
	a little more difficult to follow, since it goes into much
	more detail and with out benefit of photographs, but the
	information it contains is priceless.

		Frank Silbermann