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From: woods@hao.UUCP (Greg Woods)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Just how far can friendship go?
Message-ID: <1609@hao.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 2-Jul-85 17:10:45 EDT
Article-I.D.: hao.1609
Posted: Tue Jul  2 17:10:45 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 4-Jul-85 06:02:45 EDT
References: <317@azure.UUCP>
Distribution: net
Organization: High Altitude Obs./NCAR, Boulder CO
Lines: 35

> In college this past year, I got to know a female student who hung out at the
> campus radio station like I did.  She already had a boyfriend, so any sort of
> SOship was understandably ruled out.  However, we carried on much like we were
> SOs.  That is, we hugged quite often.  

  I suspect this kind of relationship is more common than you might think. 
Also, I doubt if there is any clearly-defineable dividing line. I have a friend
(although I don't get to see her as much any more because we've both gotten
quite busy with other friends and other interests) with whom I have a very
close relationship. We hug, and kiss, and some of the kisses are not the
"friendly" kind. However, we have *never* been SO's, or even close to it (or
lovers either, for that matter).  This relationship has survived through 
several SO's on each of our parts. I think one reason that you don't hear more 
about these relationships is that they can be awkward with your current SO, so
they tend to be kept more private than a real SO relationship. People fear
disapproval, both from their SO and from others.
   Also, they can be dangerous, such as when one of the parties starts thinking 
of the other as an SO they could be setting themselves up to be hurt. I had to
work through this one several years ago, but somehow the relationship survived
the strain.
  I think what defines an SO vs. a friend is agreement between the parties
involved and has nothing to do with the actual behaviors between them. Although
less common now than during the "free love" era, it is not unheard of for
someone to have an SO *and* one or more other lovers. Thus, it isn't as simple
as sexual relations defining an SOship either. I'd say that if you *both* view
the relationship as an SOship, then that's what it is, but if *either* party
does not see it this way, then the *mutual* commitment which defines an
SOship is not there.

--Greg
-- 
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