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From: spaf@gatech.CSNET (Gene Spafford)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: turndowns
Message-ID: <420@gatech.CSNET>
Date: Tue, 2-Jul-85 17:50:00 EDT
Article-I.D.: gatech.420
Posted: Tue Jul  2 17:50:00 1985
Date-Received: Wed, 3-Jul-85 09:03:31 EDT
References: <210@cuuxa.UUCP> <166@megad.UUCP> <1690@amdahl.UUCP>
Reply-To: spaf@gatech.UUCP (Gene Spafford)
Distribution: net
Organization: The Clouds Project, School of ICS, Georgia Tech
Lines: 233

It's interesting how discussions repeat themselves.  The following is
from my humor archives and appeared on the net just a little over
a year ago.  Enjoy.


>From: rochester@xenon.DEC
>Subject: An excuse you say?  Try one of mine.
>Posted: Wed Jul 11 12:58:48 1984
>Organization: DEC Engineering Network
>
>
>                          101 EASY WAYS TO SAY NO
>
>I'd love to, but...
>
>   1   I have to floss my cat.
>
>   2   I've dedicated my life to linguini.
>
>   3   I want to spend more time with my blender.
>
>   4   the President said he might drop in.
>
>   5   the man on television told me to say tuned.
>
>   6   I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
>
>   7   I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
>
>   8   it's my parakeet's bowling night.
>
>   9   it wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.
>
>  10   I'm building a pig from a kit.
>
>  11   I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
>
>  12   I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.
>
>  13   there's a disturbance in the Force.
>
>  14   I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
>
>  15   I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted.
>
>  16   I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.
>
>  17   I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
>
>  18   I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawl.
>
>  19   I'm planning to go downtown to try on gloves.
>
>  20   my crayons all melted together.
>
>  21   I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
>
>  22   I'm in training to be a household pest.
>
>  23   I'm getting my overalls overhauled.
>
>  24   my patent is pending.
>
>  25   I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
>
>  26   I'm sandblasting my oven.
>
>  27   I'm worried about my vertical hold.
>
>  28   I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.
>
>  29   I'm being deported.
>
>  30   the grunion are running.
>
>  31   I'll be looking for a parking space.
>
>  32   my Millard Filmore Fan Club meets then.
>
>  33   the monsters haven't turned blue yet, and I have to eat more dots.
>
>  34   I'm taking punk totem pole carving.
>
>  35   I have to fluff my shower cap.
>
>  36   I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
>
>  37   I've come down with a really horrible case of something or other.
>
>  38   I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist.
>
>  39   my plot to take over the world is thickening.
>
>  40   I have to fulfill my potential.
>
>  41   I don't want to leave my comfort zone.
>
>  42   it's too close to the turn of the century.
>
>  43   I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.
>
>  44   my subconscious says no.
>
>  45   I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.
>
>  46   I left my body in my other clothes.
>
>  47   the last time I went, I never came back.
>
>  48   I've got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.
>
>  49   I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.
>
>  50   none of my socks match.
>
>  51   I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.
>
>  52   I'm having all my plants neutered.
>
>  53   people are blaming me for the Spanish-American War.
>
>  54   I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.
>
>  55   I'm making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in My 
>       Refrigerator."
>
>  56   I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.
>
>  57   my yucca plant is feeling yucky.
>
>  58   I'm touring China with a wok band.
>
>  59   my chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.
>
>  60   I never go out on days that end in "Y."
>
>  61   my mother would never let me hear the end of it.
>
>  62   I'm running off to Yugoslavia with a foreign-exchange student named 
>       Basil Metabolism.
>
>  63   I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and I can't put 
>       it down.
>
>  64   I'm too old/young for that stuff.
>
>  65   I have to wash/condition/perm/curl/tease/torment my hair.
>
>  66   I have too much guilt.
>
>  67   there are important world issues that need worrying about.
>
>  68   I have to draw "Cubby" for an art scholarship.
>
>  69   I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.
>
>  70   I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
>
>  71   I feel a song coming on.
>
>  72   I'm trying to be less popular.
>
>  73   my bathroom tiles need grouting.
>
>  74   I have to bleach my hare.
>
>  75   I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner.
>
>  76   I'm writing a love letter to Richard Simmons.
>
>  77   you know how we psychos are.
>
>  78   my favorite commercial is on TV.
>
>  79   I have to study for a blood test.
>
>  80   I'm going to be old someday.
>
>  81   I've been traded to Cincinnati.
>
>  82   I'm observing National Apathy Week.
>
>  83   I have to rotate my crops.
>
>  84   my uncle escaped again.
>
>  85   I'm up to my elbows in waxy buildup.
>
>  86   I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar.
>
>  87   I'm having my baby shoes bronzed.
>
>  88   I have to go to court for kitty littering.
>
>  89   I'm going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.
>
>  90   I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.
>
>  91   having fun gives me prickly heat.
>
>  92   I'm going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking 
>       for me.
>
>  93   I have to jog my memory.
>
>  94   my palm reader advised against it.
>
>  95   my Dress For Obscurity class meets then.
>
>  96   I have to stay home and see if I snore.
>
>  97   I prefer to remain an enigma.
>
>  98   I think you want the OTHER  [your name]  .
>
>  99   I have to sit up with a sick ant.
>
> 100   I'm trying to cut down.
>
> 101   ... well, maybe.
>
>Fri 15-Jul-1983 08:15 EST
>
>
>	(UUCP)  {decvax, ucbvax, allegra}!decwrl!rhea!xenon!rochester
>
>	(ARPA)  decwrl!rhea!xenon!rochester@Berkeley
>	        decwrl!rhea!xenon!rochester@SU-Shasta
-- 
Gene "3 months and holding" Spafford
The Clouds Project, School of ICS, Georgia Tech, Atlanta GA 30332
CSNet:	Spaf @ GATech		ARPA:	Spaf%GATech.CSNet @ CSNet-Relay.ARPA
uucp:	...!{akgua,allegra,hplabs,ihnp4,linus,seismo,ulysses}!gatech!spaf