Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.3 4.3bsd-beta 6/6/85; site ucbvax.ARPA Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!ucbvax!arnold From: arnold@ucbingres.ARPA (Ken Arnold) Newsgroups: net.philosophy,net.religion,net.singles Subject: Re: Re: marriage = commitment Message-ID: <9133@ucbvax.ARPA> Date: Wed, 17-Jul-85 18:18:00 EDT Article-I.D.: ucbvax.9133 Posted: Wed Jul 17 18:18:00 1985 Date-Received: Thu, 18-Jul-85 20:21:51 EDT References: <508@ttidcc.UUCP> <485@oliveb.UUCP> <684@lll-crg.ARPA> <500@oliveb.UUCP> <11274@watnot.UUCP> Sender: nobody@ucbvax.ARPA Reply-To: arnold@ucbingres.UUCP (Ken Arnold) Organization: U.C. Berkeley Lines: 25 Xref: watmath net.philosophy:2058 net.religion:7249 net.singles:7952 > I've heard a lot of talk about how getting married can ruin things. I'm not > sure I understand this (I have never been married). What's the big difference > between being married and living together. I lived with a guy for 1.5 years > and at some points I think it would have been easier if we had been married, > although neither of us was ready for that. What often happens is that people have certain expectations about what a "wife" or "husband" is. These opinions are often held subconciously, but are still there. Thus, the person you live with has no defined role in this type of scheme, and so it is easier to define the relationship as befits the couple, but after marriage you suddenly have a "wife" or "husband", and they, by God!, have a role to play. The attidues are often formed by watching your parents relationships, plus those roles portrayed in the media to which you had access. I know several couples who had this problem, even up to seperation, and when they realized what was going on, they were able to work it out. One of the more common factors of these roles is that the other person is stuck with you, and so you start taking them more for granted. This often includes the idea that he is the head of the household, and she should give in to his wishes. Of course, these can exist in a non- marriage relationships, but often the actual assumption of the legal position brings these out with a vengence. Ken Arnold