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Path: utzoo!decvax!tektronix!uw-beaver!fluke!moriarty
From: moriarty@fluke.UUCP (Judge Moriarty Wapner)
Newsgroups: net.bizarre
Subject: Re: Dear Judge Wapner
Message-ID: <805@vax2.fluke.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 9-Jul-85 16:08:31 EDT
Article-I.D.: vax2.805
Posted: Tue Jul  9 16:08:31 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 11-Jul-85 00:13:41 EDT
References: <802@vax2.fluke.UUCP> <640@tpvax.fluke.UUCP>
Distribution: na
Organization: Stupid People's Court
Lines: 50
Xref: tektronix net.bizarre:00000 

In article <640@tpvax.fluke.UUCP> inc@fluke.UUCP (Pritchard Z. Malevolence)
asks me to judge the case of a malignant AI case.  As he well should know, I
pick the cases I judge (few cases are totally lacking in Stupidity, so I
have a wide selection); the circumstances for acceptance are generally due
to level of Stupidity, the accused's position in the Scheme of Things (e.g.
Presidents, Captains of Industry, Larry Kim and David Letterman get picked
on more frequently than others), and the amount of the bribe.  However,
since you're in charge of the manuals for my project, I decided I'd better
look into this one.

On review of the facts, I've decided:

>    -Can I get this case tried in SPC?

Not until Dec 15th, 1993.  The docket is amazing, and I'm into some serious
flirting these days.  Besides, fella, I've got *movie reviews* to write!

>    -Do I have to appear in person, or can I send an actor?

Ha!  Trying to capture me with a trick question, eh?  I see through your
little diversion as if it were rice paper.  Since when is an AI project a
person?  And if it is not a person, how can you send an actor (other than
Robin Williams) to portray it?  And Ipso Quo Quid, wouldn't this ruin the
intrinshi... intronshi... the God-Given integrity of this court?  Of course
not!  Ha!  you fell into my little legal trap!  Because Ken Ardnt is an AI
project, my *previous* arguement is invalidated!  Ha! Can't beat the
Transitive Law of Law!  Ha!  Next question!

>    -If I lose, can I give the wimp my own list of questions, or will I have
>     to answer the ones your writers make up?

I don't use writers.  I use authors.  They cost less per dozen.

>    - What is a reasonable amount for your bribe?

Send me these questions by mail.  I much funnier in the afternoon by mail
(hey, kids, before answering this, remember, this is NOT net.flame!  A
Public Service message...).

				"Don't embarrass us."
				"Have I ever?"

        If he's not one thing,
           he's another. --->           Moriarty, aka Jeff Meyer
                                        John Fluke Mfg. Co., Inc.
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