Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site pyuxd.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!gamma!pyuxww!pyuxd!rlr From: rlr@pyuxd.UUCP (Rich Rosen) Newsgroups: net.philosophy,net.religion,net.singles Subject: Re: Re: marriage = commitment Message-ID: <1204@pyuxd.UUCP> Date: Fri, 12-Jul-85 15:02:19 EDT Article-I.D.: pyuxd.1204 Posted: Fri Jul 12 15:02:19 1985 Date-Received: Sat, 13-Jul-85 13:26:19 EDT References: <508@ttidcc.UUCP> <485@oliveb.UUCP> <684@lll-crg.ARPA> <500@oliveb.UUCP> Organization: Whatever we're calling ourselves this week Lines: 40 Xref: watmath net.philosophy:2039 net.religion:7237 net.singles:7801 >>I've heard a lot of talk about how getting married can ruin things. I'm not >>sure I understand this (I have never been married). What's the big difference >>between being married and living together. I lived with a guy for 1.5 years >>and at some points I think it would have been easier if we had been married, >>although neither of us was ready for that. [REA SIMPSON] > I don't know why it happened, but when I got married something > changed. We both noticed it and had a few minor arguments because of > it. In our case, though, all it took was to recognise what was > happening and make an extra effort to be more tollerent. [ROBERT A. PEASE] It seems that the worst thing that marriage does to two people is the way it makes them take each other for granted. As if, throughout "courtship", they were just playing up their good side, showing off their good points and hiding their flaws; but once the rings are exchanged, he's (she's) got her (him)! No longer does either one have to worry about "making a good impression" on the other one. Leave your clothes all over the place, don't bother paying any attention to your appearance, be a general slob and/or boor, don't bother putting up the front of consideration, etc. Not that this happens to all couples, but it seems to fit for those who ask "What happened to my marriage?" and then answer their own question with "It's all my spouse's fault!" Some people were brought up with very strange ideas of what marriage and relationships are supposed to be like, and these expectations may be bludgeoned away by the reality of being married to another person. Isn't divorce inevitable if they continue to try to force their expectations onto the other person? I can't help but think that the entertainment industry perpetuates such ridiculous notions about relationships. How many soaps/MTV videos/etc. have had, as their bottom line, problems in relationships that are all the *other* person's fault? Not just the cockeyed heavymetal videos that depict the woman who won't succumb to her boyfriend's wishes as the "problem" in a relationship, but those shows/videos that work in the reverse sense, too! It certainly isn't helping us get rid of these notions that have their roots in arcane traditions that offer simple roles and expectations for everyone to adhere to... -- Like a turban (HEY!), worn for the very first time... Rich Rosen ihnp4!pyuxd!rlr