Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site cornell.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxj!mhuxt!houxm!mtuxo!mtunh!mtung!mtunf!ariel!vax135!cornell!rance From: rance@cornell.UUCP (W. Rance Cleaveland) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: Just how far can friendship go? Message-ID: <2910@cornell.UUCP> Date: Fri, 5-Jul-85 13:06:05 EDT Article-I.D.: cornell.2910 Posted: Fri Jul 5 13:06:05 1985 Date-Received: Sun, 7-Jul-85 04:59:05 EDT References: <317@azure.UUCP> Distribution: net Organization: Cornell Univ. CS Dept. Lines: 34 > Mainly I'm concerned with the physical aspects of a relationship. That is, > just how physical can friends be before they can no longer be considered > just friends? I'll give an example to show what I mean. > > In college this past year, I got to know a female student who hung out at the > campus radio station like I did. She already had a boyfriend, so any sort of > SOship was understandably ruled out. However, we carried on much like we were > SOs. That is, we hugged quite often. We played (for lack of a better term) > snugglebunnies on the coach. But we never did 'The Act' as Ann Landers refers > to it. About the most we ever did was just shy of kissing (on the lips). > Now I just want to know why I can't seem > to have this kind of relationship with others of the opposite sex? This may sound old-fashioned, but the "Sexual Revolution" notwithstanding, I think 'The Act', or the possibility thereof, separates friendship and SOship for most people. In the relationship you describe, the possibility of sex, if there to begin with, was certainly extremely remote, and hence neither of you felt under pressure to live up (or down) to the sexual expectations of the other. Thus freed from sexual anxiety, it sounds to me as though you were able to attend to each other's need for affection without worrying about whether things should "get out of hand" (to borrow a phrase from "St. Elmo's Fire). Unfortunately in most relationships, the sexual ambiguity remains present, so there is always a mild level of tension anytime the celebrants engage in any physical contact.... I'll certainly agree with you that the kind of relationship you describe is extremely edifying and satisfying. It's such a relief to be freed from the onus of wondering whether you're living up to her sexual expectations or wondering why she isn't (or is :-)). Just another plug, I suppose, for being friends first (where by friends I mean friends with no sexual expectations). Regards, Rance Cleaveland