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From: seifert@hammer.UUCP (Snoopy)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: More women than men (really who initiates things)
Message-ID: <1379@hammer.UUCP>
Date: Sat, 13-Jul-85 22:34:55 EDT
Article-I.D.: hammer.1379
Posted: Sat Jul 13 22:34:55 1985
Date-Received: Wed, 17-Jul-85 06:15:47 EDT
References: <210@cuuxa.UUCP>  <462@unc.UUCP>
Reply-To: seifert@hammer.UUCP (Snoopy)
Organization: The Daisy Hill Puppy Farm
Lines: 42
Summary: 

In article <484@ihu1e.UUCP> mjv@ihu1e.UUCP (Vlach) writes:

> ... I have generally found that men PREFER to
>be the one making the moves.  It just so happens that I am a somewhat
>aggressive female, and many of the men I know and/or have pursued find me
>intimidating.  (I have been told about this directly by close male friends.)
>I know a lot of men claim to want women to make the first move, but in
>practice I find it disturbs many of them. (Of course, some of them think
>it's wonderful!)

It's sort of hard to comment on this without knowing you.  There
is a wide range of aggressiveness, from just past neutral to the
stereotypical used car salesjerk.  You call yourself "somewhat aggressive",
while your close male friends say that you are "intimidating".  Why is
that?  I suggest asking them for specific examples of why/when they
find you intimidating.  (they may not be able to think of a specific
example, sometimes it's just a general impression. but it won't hurt
to ask) There are a number of possibilities: perhaps you are more
aggressive than you think you are, perhaps you are sending out the
wrong signals, perhaps you're sending the right signals but they
are reading them wrong, perhaps you have happened upon a batch of
males that can't handle an aggressive female.

>Some ideas about this:  either men are just used to being the aggressor, or
>perhaps they like to feel like a conquering hero?  Dunno.

Sure, some men are used to being the aggressor/conquering hero,
just look at the role models we get: Indiana Jones, Luke Skywalker,
James Bond, the various John Wayne stuff, Conan, etc.

Others of us (including me) prefer it when both parties contribute.
Somewhere on the order of 50/50.  For one thing, it provides a nice
feedback mechanism.  Asking the guy out, initiating the first kiss,
or undoing that first button says a lot more than passively going along
with whatever the guy gets up the nerve for.

And there are those who prefer having the female do *all* the
initiating.  I would *suspect* that these are in the minority,
anyone feel like doing a survey?

Snoopy
tektronix!hammer!seifert