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From: dls@mtgzz.UUCP (d.l.skran)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: intelligence/a different view/NO SOCIO BIO STUFF/promise
Message-ID: <877@mtgzz.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 30-Jun-85 02:56:13 EDT
Article-I.D.: mtgzz.877
Posted: Sun Jun 30 02:56:13 1985
Date-Received: Tue, 25-Jun-85 07:56:24 EDT
Organization: AT&T Information Systems Labs, Holmdel NJ
Lines: 88

I was one of those nurd types in high school, smart, scorned, etc.
You know the routine. I looked forward to college & all the smart
women I was going to meet.

SURPRISE: I met a lot of smart women. Scads. Some even liked me.
What I found was the following:

1)There are many kinds of intelligence. Two people can both be
very good even in the same area and yet think so differently as
to preclude any close communication.

2)Once the POS is roughly equivalent to you in both level & type
of intelligence, personality & interests & values dominate completely.
This situation continues to this day.

Hence, I say: Intelligence is necessary but not sufficient. Intelligence is as
you find it, not what the SAT scores said. I've known plenty
of people with low SATS and stupendous intelligence. 

I don't go round asking people what their scores are. I ask out
interesting, alive people who share my interests.  
The vast majority turned out to have 600/700
SATs, but this is NOT why I went out with them.

I have three major pieces of advice to the lovelorn:

1)(from Ann Landers, I think)Focus on being a person others can
love, rather than finding someone to love. If you're not happy
by yourself, you probably won't be happy when you are involved with
someone either. Go for your interests with a passion. Enlist others
with your enthusiasm. Some of those you enlist will be of the
opposite sex. Take it from there.

I personally have gotten a lot of mileage out of science fiction
groups & the L5 Society, but to each their own. I can assure you
that sitting at home will *not* help.

2)Play the game/be realistic. This is going to sound like I've sold
out, but I think it's true. Whatever women say, they are still
dominated by some fairly traditional images. They want muscular,
sexy men who speak in soft sensuous tones and ply their every whim.
Well, some part of them wants this.

I may get flamed, but I think this is the reality. So do the
basics: 1)Be clean. Women tend to like clean men. Can't imagine why.
        2)Try not to be a physical wreck from drugs, overwork, bad diet,
	  lack of exercise, whatever. I'd strongly suggest trying your
	  hand at some group/individual sport that appeals to you.
	  I find that individual sports - running, weightlifting, martial
	  arts, camping ,etc appeal to me the most. Even if you're terrible,
	  you will improve - and so will your self-confidence. See (4).
	  Even if you hate all exercise, I suggest you do it anyway -
	  living at a terminal is a quick road to health problems.
	3)Maximize your strengths, whatever they are. At a minimum, you
	  can be a nice guy. This counts for a lot, sometimes.
	4)Don't act desperate. Don't be a puppy dog. Every women I've
	  ever talked to on this has indicated STRONGLY that desperate
	  men who fawn on them are turnoffs. Act confident even if you're not.
	5)Be realistic. If you're not the classy kind of guy, forget the
	  classy women. There are others out there who will go for you -
	  if you bother to look them up. Let me be blunt about it: swans
	  fly with swans & ducks with ducks. You may
	  find that a duck in hand is worth a flock of swans in the sky.
	6)Forget the meatmarkets(bars) and other conventional approaches.
	  Follow the above rules in a setting you prefer - camping, civic
	  groups, etc.

3)Assess realistically your geographic location. Thousands of smart 
women/men and people in general are not located in isolated desert spots. 
They hang out around university towns,
big cities, major research operations, etc. Places like, say, Bell
Labs. You will have a much better chance of meeting people if there
is a lot going on than if there is only a little(e.g Barl's Bay, Alaska).
I have an uncle who is in MENSA, is unmarried, and sometimes puts
out personals. His basic problem is that he is isolated both
socially and geographically on a farm in the middle of nowhere.
I'm not saying you can't find someone this way, merely that 
you should expect it to be a challenge.


Somebody was lecturing people to stop whining. Well, I've whined a good
bit in my day, and it felt good. Still does. Just don't do it on a date.

Good Luck,

Dale

This is REALLY not the opinion of AT&T. Really!