Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site ut-ngp.UTEXAS Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!bonnie!akgua!whuxlm!harpo!decvax!genrad!panda!talcott!harvard!seismo!ut-sally!ut-ngp!sunil From: sunil@ut-ngp.UTEXAS (Sunil Trivedi) Newsgroups: net.women,net.nlang.india Subject: Re: Parents & Arranged Marriages Message-ID: <1857@ut-ngp.UTEXAS> Date: Fri, 21-Jun-85 12:55:15 EDT Article-I.D.: ut-ngp.1857 Posted: Fri Jun 21 12:55:15 1985 Date-Received: Wed, 26-Jun-85 05:14:37 EDT References: <1795@ut-ngp.UUCP> <27@ucbcad.UUCP> <1625@amdcad.UUCP> Organization: The University of Texas, Austin, TX 78712 Lines: 65 Xref: watmath net.women:6056 net.nlang.india:464 From: linda@amdcad.UUCP (Linda Seltzer) <1625@amdcad.UUCP> > As an American reading this newsgroup, it was interesting to hear the > comment "who can understand you better than your parents?". Not too many Americans could make that statement. > If the son or daughter gets along well with the parents, then > an arranged marriage does not sound like a bad idea. The parents > might know some very nice people. However, if the young person does > not get along well with the parents, then problems could most > probably occur. In my own life in the U.S. I was always interested > in the arts professionally and my parents completely opposed it. Imagine a girl in both a liberal and conservative setting. If she is inclined to study, both settings may encourage her to con- tinue her studies. The liberal setting may encourage her to study whatever she may want, while the conservative setting may encourage her to study "marriable" subjects (like arts). If she wanted to pursue an even higher education, the liberal setting may okay it, but like the conservative setting, it would have some res- ervations. Excessive education may 'price' the girl out of most of the marriage market. This situation (excessive education) would make the parents scramble for marriage partners for their daughter. The chances for these girls to find a 'perfect' match (one which is in favor of the girl) is almost nil. They will be pushed on to the first Tom-Dick-or-Harry who shows any interest and many times there will be great incentives to have a guy take their girl (like bigger dowries, expensive 'gifts'). This of course may make the parents of the girl take a tremendous financial hit. Knowing the girl is limited to knowing her 'Opportunity Costs for Marriage'. Consider how a class of 'Bounty Hunters' who look for these 'deals' could easily exist. In North America (USA & Canada), how many know of Indian colleagues who have gone to India to get an Indian doctor as a wife? :-) > one looks forward to the opportunity to marry someone who might > be a little better off or who has more education. Reasons why a guy would take a girl poorer than himself include: 1) girl is very doscile and can be 'molded' easily to fit into guy's family. 2) girl is very good-looking (everyone wants to have attractive children and grand-children). Reasons why a girl would take a guy poorer than herself include: 1) girl is 'priced out' of the marriage market. This includes widows and divorcees. 2) guy is well-educated and/or lives abroads. As noted by Prentiss Riddle (riddle@ut-sally), a marriage is actually a marriage of families so when I mention 'Reasons why a ...', I am also referring to their families. As one can see, education is always a plus for the guy, while for the girl, education can be a minus. Is this why many 'highly-educated' girls marry non-Indians? Sunil Trivedi sunil@ut-ngp.ARPA \ / ut-sally netword \ / ut-ngp | sunil