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From: fsks@unc.UUCP (Frank Silbermann)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Collected Communication 101
Message-ID: <610@unc.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 16-Jul-85 17:21:36 EDT
Article-I.D.: unc.610
Posted: Tue Jul 16 17:21:36 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 18-Jul-85 04:03:52 EDT
References: 
Reply-To: fsks@unc.UUCP (Frank Silbermann)
Organization: CS Dept., U. of N. Carolina at Chapel Hill
Lines: 47
Summary: 

In article  rafferty@cmu-cs-edu1.ARPA (Colin Rafferty) writes:
>
>Have you ever noticed that you can start up a conversation with someone who
>has no "mystique", especially if she is very far from your ideal beauty, but
>not with that raving beauty (5' 8", brown hair, blue eyes, 120 lbs.).
>
>When you're in the bookstore, you can make innocent comments to the so-so
>looking lady next to you, but when it really counts, when that absolutely
>perfect woman (maybe 122 lbs.) is next to you, not only can't you think of
>anything witty, but you have trouble even looking in her direction.

In his article, _Beyond_the_Opening_Line_ (published in 2/80 issue of Oui),
Eric Weber offers a solution to this problem.  To paraphrase him:

	If this woman makes you so uncomfortable, then why were you
	interested in the first place?  It's because she turns you on.
	But the moment you approach her, fear robs you of your passion.
	Then, when you're "safely" out of range, and it can no longer do
	you any good, your horniness returns.  Instead of seeing a sexy guy,
	all the woman sees of you is a dull, sexless wimp.  No wonder
	she isn't interested.

	In order to be sexy, you must feel sexy.  However, you cannot
	feel sexy AND simultaneously feel terrified.  You must find a
	way for your sex drive to overpower your fright at the critical
	moment.

	So, when you approach her, try to maintain your sexual arousal.
	Don't frighten her by staring at her breasts, but fantasize
	about her as you speak.  Stare at her luscious mouth and imagine
	what you would like it to be doing to you.  Without even being
	conscious of it, your whole demeanor will change.  You'll have
	"bedroom eyes".  Your posture and speech will reflect a highly
	charged sexual energy.  Your body will broadcast subtle signals
	(even without wearing tight pants :-) that her subconscious will
	pick up.  Most important of all, your nervousness will disappear,
	and you will be able to demonstrate the vital, magnetic person
	you really are.

	She may think to herself, "This guy isn't classicly good-looking,
	but, I dunno, he seems to do something for me."

This advice has worked very well for me, especially in situations where
I have time to psych myself up beforehand.  It's especially helpful
when I'm trying to get my courage up to make that first phone call.

	Frank Silbermann