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From: wmartin@brl-tgr.ARPA (Will Martin )
Newsgroups: net.garden,net.consumers
Subject: Grass
Message-ID: <11461@brl-tgr.ARPA>
Date: Wed, 10-Jul-85 16:49:13 EDT
Article-I.D.: brl-tgr.11461
Posted: Wed Jul 10 16:49:13 1985
Date-Received: Fri, 12-Jul-85 04:46:50 EDT
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Organization: USAMC ALMSA
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Xref: watmath net.garden:587 net.consumers:2564

As I walked down the street from the bus stop yesterday, looking at all
the front lawns on the block, this thought occurred to me:

Grass is *terrible* stuff, unless you can eat it. It needs mowing,
watering, de-weeding, etc., or it turns into a real mess. So why on
earth does every house have a front lawn and a back yard that are full
of *grass*? Why haven't we long ago realized that grass is the wrong
stuff to put around our houses, and chosen instead some nice
low-growing, no-maintenance ground cover that will force out weeds on
its own and let people enjoy their little plots of land instead of
having to slave over them to keep them looking "nice", by an arbitrary
social standard?

[Note: "every house" in the above is poetic license; I know it really
means 99.9999% of suburban and midwest urban houses, plus some large
percentage of others, considering rowhouses and townhouses with no yards
in various urban areas, OK? (This is known as "CYA" in the trade...)]

Possible reasons:
1) There is a vast conspiracy by the grass trust to force all homeowners
into being servants of the entrenched interests.

2) There really is *no* other plant variety/species/type other than
grass that will fit the characteristics needed.

3) We have been brainwashed by the golf and croquet cartels to believe
that "lawn" = "grass-covered" instead of just "plant-covered" patch of
earth, and this has been going on for centuries (reference the stately
homes of England, set admidst rolling grassy stretches). [Hmmm... what
were these golf and croquet people into before there were golf &
croquet?...]

4) Grass is a holdover, like windows that need washing, from the days
when people had servants to do the work for them. We lost the servants,
but retained the stuff that needs servants to keep up...

5) This is all a bad dream.

Well, 1 and 3 seem unlikely, because not enough money is made to support
the conspiracies. 2 seems unlikely, given the diversity of plant species
on this planet -- anyone care to name some contenders for the "grass
replacement"? 4 & 5 seem pretty likely...

Comments, anyone?

Will Martin

USENET: seismo!brl-bmd!wmartin     or   ARPA/MILNET: wmartin@almsa-1.ARPA