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From: arnold@ucbingres.ARPA (Ken Arnold)
Newsgroups: net.philosophy,net.religion,net.singles
Subject: Re: Re: marriage = commitment
Message-ID: <9133@ucbvax.ARPA>
Date: Wed, 17-Jul-85 18:18:00 EDT
Article-I.D.: ucbvax.9133
Posted: Wed Jul 17 18:18:00 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 18-Jul-85 20:21:51 EDT
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Reply-To: arnold@ucbingres.UUCP (Ken Arnold)
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> I've heard a lot of talk about how getting married can ruin things.  I'm not 
> sure I understand this (I have never been married). What's the big difference
> between being married and living together.  I lived with a guy for 1.5 years
> and at some points I think it would have been easier if we had been married,
> although neither of us was ready for that.

What often happens is that people have certain expectations about what
a "wife" or "husband" is.  These opinions are often held subconciously,
but are still there.  Thus, the person you live with has no defined
role in this type of scheme, and so it is easier to define the
relationship as befits the couple, but after marriage you suddenly have
a "wife" or "husband", and they, by God!, have a role to play.  The
attidues are often formed by watching your parents relationships, plus
those roles portrayed in the media to which you had access.  I know
several couples who had this problem, even up to seperation, and when
they realized what was going on, they were able to work it out.

One of the more common factors of these roles is that the other person
is stuck with you, and so you start taking them more for granted.  This
often includes the idea that he is the head of the household, and she
should give in to his wishes.  Of course, these can exist in a non-
marriage relationships, but often the actual assumption of the legal
position brings these out with a vengence.

		Ken Arnold