Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site unc.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!seismo!harvard!godot!mit-eddie!genrad!decvax!mcnc!unc!wfi From: wfi@unc.UUCP (William F. Ingogly) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: Birth Control Responsibility Message-ID: <176@unc.UUCP> Date: Sun, 10-Mar-85 13:11:09 EST Article-I.D.: unc.176 Posted: Sun Mar 10 13:11:09 1985 Date-Received: Tue, 12-Mar-85 21:17:57 EST References:Reply-To: wfi@unc.UUCP (William F. Ingogly) Organization: CS Dept., U. of N. Carolina at Chapel Hill Lines: 42 Summary: > Unfortunately, there are times when there are problems. > The woman will become upset when she finds out that I had > the condoms ready. It was as if I was EXPECTING to sleep > with her. That is considered an outrage, and things fall > apart. Fear of this reaction in women could encourage men > to not bring anything, particularly the first time. What's the 'fear' about? If you're talking about casual sex, you've got to expect a variety of reactions to your advances, including rejection. You're dealing with someone you don't know very well on a purely physical level, so why the big bruise to the ego? If you're talking about a woman you want as a friend as well as a bed partner, it sounds like you've got a communication problem. TALK about it in advance! WAIT until you can set up arrangements for birth control! Your relationship will be better for it. Do you think someone who's seriously interested in you as a friend/lover will reject you because you want to discuss this topic rationally in advance? And how solid is a friendship with someone who's insulted by your advance preparation or can't put off sex until rational preparations can be made? > Finally, there is often a certain stigma attached to guys > who are known to carry condoms around. Remarks are made about > how they expect to "score" anywhere, anytime, etc. Who's making the remarks? It seems to me that one's birth control arrangements are pretty private matters. Few bed partners run out on the street to let everyone know Jim or John carries condoms in his wallet. If you're the one who's spreading stories about yourself, stop doing it. If your bed partners ARE spreading stories about you, take a close look at the criteria you're using for selecting them. > My point is that it is fairly easy for men to contribute > to solving this birth control problem; but a whole set of > attitudes (of both men and women) must be change. Otherwise, Agreed. But changes in behavior (like charity) begin at home. If I'm acting in a way that places me or the people around me in an uncomfortable or dangerous situation, it's up to me to take the first step toward changing my behavior. -- W. F. Ingogly Univ. of North Carolina