Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site unc.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!decvax!mcnc!unc!fsks From: fsks@unc.UUCP (Frank Silbermann) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: Yet another new reader. Keywd: GIRLS Message-ID: <119@unc.UUCP> Date: Fri, 22-Feb-85 18:04:56 EST Article-I.D.: unc.119 Posted: Fri Feb 22 18:04:56 1985 Date-Received: Sat, 9-Mar-85 00:05:16 EST References:Reply-To: fsks@unc.UUCP (Frank Silbermann) Distribution: net Organization: CS Dept., U. of N. Carolina at Chapel Hill Lines: 76 Summary: In article kramar@sunybcs.UUCP (Chris Kramarczyk) writes: > >My problem is not only just having difficulty finding nice people to >go out with, but that of finding a person to go out with me >period. I am a graduate CS major at Buffalo, and there are >simply NO GIRLS in the department. I don't mean to say there >are physically no girls, but that there are a limited number of >girls I am attracted to, and all those are all TAKEN. One obvious solution is to learn to like the girls other guys don't want. There just aren't enough pretty ones to go around. I don't like this solution much. If you don't like it either then read on.... >I am not good at, or the type to meet girls whom >I have never seen before at parties or bars. Are you willing to learn? It will take alot of study, experimentation, patience, and disappointment, but you can learn this skill. Meeting women doesn't require any special inborn talent. It is no harder to learn than skills such as tennis or guitar playing. Obviously not everyone can get good enough to do it for a living, but with enough training and practice, almost anyone learn to play reasonably well. >I have now started doing things I never did before, like asking >girls out in hamburger joints. Asking girls out who work in the >library, at the candy counter, information desk......... >At every occasion, the response has been that they have a boy >friend (I am not counting the countless that are engaged). >Now, maybe they don't have boy friends and they just >don't want to hurt my feelings. I don't know, but something's >going wrong around here. It does sound like you are getting a phony excuse, much of the time. But, at least you have the guts to try. You've solved the hardest part. Now all you need is skill, knowlege, and understanding women's psychology. Some people believe that the best way to learn is by trial and error. I disagree. Certainly, the lab work is important, but having expert instruction would make a big difference. I divide the problem into several main topics for study. 1) Body Language: How do tell if a stranger is attracted to you. How to broadcast your own interest in her without setting yourself up for an embarrassing rejection. How to read a person's mood. 2) Dating Skills: How to approach a woman and later ask her out. How to gradually move from acquaintanceship to friendship and finally to romance. How to initiate sex (pre-foreplay). 3) Assertiveness Training: How to express your needs and desires directly without being obnoxious. How to keep your shyness from getting in the way. 4) Packaging Yourself: Choosing clothing that help you make a good impression. Improving your posture or physique. Learning how to act sexy. Since you are doing well in your academic courses, I assume that you are good at book-learning. I suggest you study some of the many good texts on these subjects. When they recommend execises, be sure to do them, or you won't retain the information. If there is enough demand, I may post a bibliography of these books on the network. In the meantime, I suggest you start with anything written by Eric Weber (author of HOW TO PICK UP GIRLS). Frank Silbermann University of North Carolina