Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site topaz.ARPA Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!cbosgd!cbdkc1!desoto!packard!topaz!sommers From: sommers@topaz.ARPA (Liz Sommers) Newsgroups: net.women Subject: Re: women's place Message-ID: <868@topaz.ARPA> Date: Mon, 4-Mar-85 16:31:32 EST Article-I.D.: topaz.868 Posted: Mon Mar 4 16:31:32 1985 Date-Received: Wed, 6-Mar-85 02:18:47 EST References: <617@wlcrjs.UUCP> Organization: Rutgers Univ., New Brunswick, N.J. Lines: 81 > > The thought here which bothers me is How many of us out there > in the world feel that our prime function in this world is to have babies. > I feel I have a lot more to contribute then simply increasing the population. > Since there are also many women who, for one reason or another, can not > have children. Does that fact also make them useless, non-contributing > hangers on in society or does the fact that they were born with a > females body make them exempt from that concept. Is it only wrong to > BECOME (physically) a woman who can not have children because your > body once had the wrong parts on it. > > Women will never be free of the fact that they carry the child inside them > but this is not, again to me, the main reason we exist nor should it be. > As a group in the working arena we must work very hard as individuals > to keep attitudes like this (which we probably grew up with) from > holding us back. > > > jeanette l. zobjeck All opinions expressed I have had a lot of time to think about this since my previous posting to net.women.only. (Thanks to all who answered my letter, I was not in great shape to answer yours, but they cheered me up.) I am one of those women who always had wanted to have children. I am one of ten (through various marriages) and had always enjoyed being part of a family. My mother juggled all the kids AND a career, but she would get pregnant everytime she either got depressed or "fell in love". She once told me that "Being pregnant makes me feel like a woman." I guess this was insiduous. I started trying to get pregnant when I was 18, I succeeded when I was 26, then I had 3 abortions caused by medical problems. The last pregnancy (the 4th) was "healthy", I carried for 5 months and then had a hysterectomy caused by complications in deliverying a dead, deformed baby. As the doctor has pointed out - I had no choice about the hysterectomy (placenta acreta, placenta previa, loss of 9 pints of blood, shock, the whole bit) and I would probably NEVER have been able to carry a live baby to term. I have never managed a kid, and now I never will. I am 32. Yow, can I go on? Sorry, but I thought some background was necessarry). Back to the question. I think a lot of us have felt that if carrying a child was not our "prime function", at least it was one that we were looking forward to and placed a large amount of value on. I know that I never wanted a "career", I wanted a family and children. A career is what my mother did, and it just did not look all that exciting. Besides, I have supported myself since I was 14, working has never been an option, always a necessity. I was looking to find my identity in some version of the nuclear family. Mom says "You were living in some '50's dream that did not work then." Maybe too much Leave it to Beaver. The urge to have a child is VERY strong, even if it is not "politically correct". The urge to nurture is there, at least for me. Yes, I am a self-supporting (sort of - pink collar work doesn't pay too well), productive member of my society. But for me, there is something missing. I notice that as my friends and family get older, they also want children. Myabe because being pregnant feels so good, maybe because we would like someone to teach our mistakes too. My job was chosen because I could do it and raise a baby. The thing is to find something to do as interesting as raising another person. I do not feel satisfied - but this is possibly because the job opportunities open to women in my area are not terribly satisfying. Contrary to popular opinion, after a certain age, hacking does not fulfill all. Being a big-shot programmer is sort of like mental masturbation in a way, I don't really want to go teach calculus, and I will not work for business on moral grounds. Options are limited by the economy as well as by the sexist attitudes in Amerika. Sheeet, I guess I didn't answer your question, but maybe I gave some point of view. liz ps. PLEASE PLEASE do NOT send me flames about adoption. I am not in any emotional,physical, financial or maritial state to make such a thing feasible at this time. -- liz sommers uucp: ...{harvard, seismo, ut-sally, sri-iu, ihnp4!packard}!topaz!sommers arpa: sommers@rutgers