Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site ttidcc.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!allegra!bellcore!decvax!genrad!panda!talcott!harvard!seismo!cmcl2!philabs!ttidca!ttidcc!regard From: regard@ttidcc.UUCP (Adrienne Regard) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Attractive vs. un-, a personal opinion Message-ID: <259@ttidcc.UUCP> Date: Fri, 1-Mar-85 11:08:57 EST Article-I.D.: ttidcc.259 Posted: Fri Mar 1 11:08:57 1985 Date-Received: Mon, 4-Mar-85 07:56:53 EST Organization: TTI, Santa Monica, CA. Lines: 36 Re attractiveness and dating: From a slightly different viewpoint -- I've been what would qualify as "attractive" for my whole life. Yet, my insecurities tend to manifest themselves in "stand-offish" (or, as other people have put it, "arrogant") behaviour. I could never figure out why I wasn't popular and didn't have lots of friends, since on the outside at least I "had what it takes" and inside I knew I was a pretty reasonable person. But the inner monologue did not match the outer form, and I was too insecure to figure out how to fix it. Attractiveness only springs from the personality, and the person's ability to effectively _express_ her/imself. The best relationships and most long lasting friendships I have had have been with people who may well not have liked me on first contact (not liking my manner), but who stuck around long enough to get to know who I really was. These friendships have had absolutely nothing to do with my physical form. Two related issues then. (1) if you don't look like a model, don't worry about it. Concentrate instead on letting the wealth of your personality show. (I know it's hard -- but what's the worst-possible scenario? Only more of the same). (2) when looking for company, look past the envelope. And don't judge anyone too harshly. Expression of self is what is all boils down to. "I'd like to go out with you" "Thank you, but I don't feel the same way". Simple, no beating around the bush. If I were asked out by someone I didn't want to go out with, I'd rather let him know than have him ask me again and again just because I'd said I was "busy". He put his ego on the line, and deserves a straight answer. And I put my ego on the line when I ask, too. I've been gratified by the percentage of straight answers I've received. I wonder if women prevaricate in the face of an invitation more than men do? Speculation on cultural implications might be interesting, but no flames please. This wasn't an easy article to write.