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From: bjl0426@ritcv.UUCP (Bryan Lahman)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: This is Jeopardy...
Message-ID: <1578@ritcv.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 8-Mar-85 14:54:05 EST
Article-I.D.: ritcv.1578
Posted: Fri Mar  8 14:54:05 1985
Date-Received: Mon, 11-Mar-85 06:55:50 EST
Distribution: net
Organization: Rochester Institute of Technology, Rochester, NY
Lines: 151


**** IT'S NOT THE FALL THAT KILLS YOU...IT'S THE LANDING... ****


All the "to be", "do be", "doobie", and "scoobie doobie do"'s that
have been cropping up in NET.JOKES lately reminded me of this article
that appeared in OMNI magazine (titled COMPETITION by Scot Morris).

This is a paraphrasing of the article...sorry if it is a repeat...


OMNI held a competition, asking readers to supply the answers first, then
the questions -- in the same vein as Jeopardy, Steve Allen's "The Question
Man", and Johnny Carson's "Carnac the Magnificent".

Here are some examples:

A: Dr. Livingston, I Presume.
Q: What was Dr. Presume's full name?

A: Go west.
Q: What do wabbits do when they get tiwed of wunning awound?

A: Around the World in 80 Days.
Q: What was the slogan of that airline that went out of business?


Here are the winning entries submitted by readers (I've ommitted the 
contributor's names to conserve space).

The article advises that some of these are better spoken than read.
I agree!  


------------------------------
GRAND PRIZE-WINNER
------------------------------

A: To be or not to be.
Q: What is the square root of 4b^2?

------------------------------
RUNNERS-UP         
------------------------------

A: The Halls of Montezuma and the Shores of Tripoli.
Q: Name two families whose kids won't join the Marines.

A: Chicken Teriyaki
Q: What is the name of the world's oldest kamikaze pilot?

A: Blood, sweat, and tears.
Q: Name the three most unpopular flavors at Baskin-Robbins.

A: Fourscore and seven years ago.
Q: What happens after a grand-slam home run, and when was
   the last one hit at an All-Star game?

A: Film at 11.
Q: What happens when you don't brush at 5?

A: Vacuum cleaner.
Q: Name an unnecessary occupation.

A: Born-again Christian.
Q: Who is going to win at Wimbledon this year, Captain Bligh?

A: Green Bay.
Q: Where do the Blue Danube and Yellow River meet?

A: Knock wood.
Q: What's the best way to sell aluminum siding?

A: An attitude or state of mind in which.
Q: What is "writer's block"?

A: Guccione.
Q: Name a brand of expensive designer pasta.

------------------------------
HONORABLE MENTION  
------------------------------

A: Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
Q: What is the highest achievement in taxidermy?

A: H. G. Wells.
Q: What do mercury dowsers look for?

A: With ticker tape.
Q: How do you mend a broken heart?

A: Grecian formula.
Q: What is A^2 + B^2 = C^2?

A: The Clone Rangers.
Q: Who were those six hundred masked men?

A: J. C. Penney.
Q: Give the initials of the President who authorized the
   Susan B. Anthony dollar, and what is its approximate worth
   on the world market today.

A: Babe Ruth, Jack the Ripper, Rudolf Valentino, and Richard Nixon.
Q: Name a slugger, a mugger, a hugger, and a bugger?

A: Falling star, dwarf star, and dog star.
Q: Who are Chevy Chase, Herve Villechaise, and Lassie?

A: Mark Spitz.
Q: What does a judge do in a spitting contest?

A: Aloha.
Q: What is the proper response to a joke told in a library?

A: Inlateral.
Q: What should you do if the long bomb isn't working?

A: Sticks and stones.
Q: What weapons will be used in World War IV?

A: Groucho Marx.
Q: What do you get when someone beats you with a groucho?

A: Space.
Q: What do most students take up in college today?

A: Pedestrians.
Q: What is this country's biggest bumper crop?

A: Two out with the bases loaded.
Q: How is the opera's drinking contest going?

A: Fireproof.
Q: What are the boss's relatives?

A: UCLA.
Q: What happens when the smog clears in southern California?


[*][*][*][*][*][*][*][*][*][*][*][*][*][*][*][*][*][*][*][*][*][*][*][*][*]


"Check me if I'm wrong, Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers...
they're gonna lock me up and throw away the key!"


~ (tilda) we meet again...

                                --Bryan Lahman--
                                 (ritcv!bjl0426)