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From: muffy@lll-crg.ARPA (Muffy Barkocy)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Re: Suggestion for asking MOTOS out on a date
Message-ID: <419@lll-crg.ARPA>
Date: Wed, 27-Feb-85 11:24:58 EST
Article-I.D.: lll-crg.419
Posted: Wed Feb 27 11:24:58 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 3-Mar-85 04:11:19 EST
References: <3647@umcp-cs.UUCP>
Distribution: net
Organization: Lawrence Livermore Labs, CRG group
Lines: 60

> 
> <>
> 
> 
> >It is hard to gracefully refuse an offer such as:
> >	"Would you like to go out sometime."
> >
> >If you are asking someone out on a date, I recommend that you
> >suggest a specific day and/or a specific activity.  Then if
> >the activity or day does not appeal to the person, the person 
> >can suggest an alternate date or activity.  If the person does 
> >not want to go out with you, then it is easy for the person to 
> >say no.  I realize the person asking is not looking for a no.
> >But isn't a "no" better than a lousy time.
> >
> >-- 
> >
> >/\//\//\//\//\//\//\//\//\//\//\//\//\//\//\//\//\//\//\//\//\//\//\//\//\//\/
> >Nancy Blachman 		UUCP: {allegra,hplabs,ihnp4,ucbvax!sun}!resonex!nancy  
> 
> I tend to agree with the above, however, there is a problem with it: A few
> times, I have asked a MOTOS out, suggesting a specific time, and they turn
> me down...Then perhaps a week later I ask  them  out  again,  suggesting a
> different time/place, and again they say they are busy. They never suggest
> an alternative each time, so after  the  second  or  third try, I give up,
> since it obviously appears that they aren't interested in going out at all.
> 
> Then, later, (as in a few weeks or so), the MOTOS would  call  me  on  the
> phone, or talk to me in person....They ask why I stopped asking them  out,
> and if I am still interested...The point I am trying to make  is  that  if
> someone asks you out, and you really are busy but are  indeed  interested,
> SAY SO!  It's hard to keep asking someone out time after time and  getting
> turned down every time, without the MOS  suggesting  an  alternate time/
> activity.  If the MOTOS never suggests an alternative,  then  I  can  only
> assume the MOTOS isn't interested.
> 
> I don't usually persist after the second or third time,  because  if   the
> MOTOS really isn't interested, then it could wind up being an uncomfortable
> situation...I wonder how many outings I have missed out on because the MOTOS
> never indicated any interest when indeed she was interested.....
> 
>                        Dennis
> 
> -- 

I just had this discussion with a friend of mine.  An alternate 
suggestionfor asking people.  First, do indeed give a specific time,
date, event, etc.  This may result in an "I'm busy."  If so, you 
*could* ask...well, when are you free.  If the "I'm busy" was just to be
polite, this should work, letting you know that they're not interested.  If
they truly were busy, then you find out that they are interested, 
not to mention when they're free to go out with you.  If you get a "no,"
it's somewhat more difficult, but you might then enquire as to whether
that's a "no, I don't want to  (or whatever)" or
it's a "no, I don't want to ever go out with you."  at any rate, I'm
not sure that any of this works, since I've never tried it, merely had it
tried on me...it worked there...*grin*....

									   Muffy