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From: regard@ttidcc.UUCP (Adrienne Regard)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Attractive vs. un-, a personal opinion
Message-ID: <259@ttidcc.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 1-Mar-85 11:08:57 EST
Article-I.D.: ttidcc.259
Posted: Fri Mar  1 11:08:57 1985
Date-Received: Mon, 4-Mar-85 07:56:53 EST
Organization: TTI, Santa Monica, CA.
Lines: 36



Re attractiveness and dating: From a slightly different viewpoint --

I've been what would qualify as "attractive" for my whole life.  Yet, my
insecurities tend to manifest themselves in "stand-offish" (or, as other
people have put it, "arrogant") behaviour.  I could never figure out why
I wasn't popular and didn't have lots of friends, since on the outside at
least I "had what it takes" and inside I knew I was a pretty reasonable
person.  But the inner monologue did not match the outer form, and I
was too insecure to figure out how to fix it.

Attractiveness only springs from the personality, and the person's ability
to effectively _express_ her/imself.  The best relationships and most long
lasting friendships I have had have been with people who may well not have
liked me on first contact (not liking my manner), but who stuck around
long enough to get to know who I really was.  These friendships have had
absolutely nothing to do with my physical form.

Two related issues then. (1) if you don't look like a model, don't worry
about it.  Concentrate instead on letting the wealth of your personality
show. (I know it's hard -- but what's the worst-possible scenario?  Only
more of the same). (2) when looking for company, look past the envelope.
And don't judge anyone too harshly.

Expression of self is what is all boils down to.  "I'd like to go out
with you" "Thank you, but I don't feel the same way".  Simple, no beating
around the bush.  If I were asked out by someone I didn't want to go out
with, I'd rather let him know than have him ask me again and again just
because I'd said I was "busy".  He put his ego on the line, and deserves
a straight answer.  And I put my ego on the line when I ask, too.  I've
been gratified by the percentage of straight answers I've received.

I wonder if women prevaricate in the face of an invitation more than men
do?  Speculation on cultural implications might be interesting, but no
flames please.  This wasn't an easy article to write.