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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!cbosgd!cbdkc1!desoto!packard!topaz!sommers
From: sommers@topaz.ARPA (Liz Sommers)
Newsgroups: net.women
Subject: Re: women's place
Message-ID: <868@topaz.ARPA>
Date: Mon, 4-Mar-85 16:31:32 EST
Article-I.D.: topaz.868
Posted: Mon Mar  4 16:31:32 1985
Date-Received: Wed, 6-Mar-85 02:18:47 EST
References: <617@wlcrjs.UUCP>
Organization: Rutgers Univ., New Brunswick, N.J.
Lines: 81

> 
> 	The thought here which bothers me is How many of us out there
> in the world feel that our prime function in this world is to have babies.
> I feel I have a lot more to contribute then simply increasing the population.
> Since there are also many women who, for one reason or another, can not
> have children. Does that fact also make them useless, non-contributing
> hangers on in society or does the fact that they were born with a
> females body make them exempt from that concept. Is it only wrong to
> BECOME  (physically) a woman who can not have children because your
> body once had the wrong parts on it.
> 
> Women will never be free of the fact that they carry the child inside them
> but this is not, again to me, the main reason we exist nor should it be.
> As a group in the working arena we must work very hard as individuals
> to keep attitudes like this (which we probably grew up with) from
> holding us back.
> 
> 
> jeanette l. zobjeck				All opinions expressed

I have had a lot of time to think about this  since my  previous posting to
net.women.only.  (Thanks to all who answered my letter, I was not in great
shape to answer yours, but they cheered me up.)

I am one of those women who always had wanted to have children.  I am one
of ten (through various marriages) and had always enjoyed being part of a
family.  My mother juggled all the kids AND a career, but she would get
pregnant everytime she either got depressed or "fell in love".  She once
told me that "Being pregnant makes me feel like a woman."  I guess this
was insiduous.  I started trying to get pregnant when I was 18, I
succeeded when I was 26, then I had 3 abortions caused by medical
problems.  The last pregnancy (the 4th) was "healthy", I carried for 5
months and then had a hysterectomy caused by complications in deliverying
a dead, deformed baby.  As the doctor has pointed out - I had no choice
about the hysterectomy (placenta acreta, placenta previa, loss of 9 pints
of blood, shock, the whole bit) and I would probably NEVER have been able
to carry a live baby to term.  I have never managed a kid, and now I never
will.  I am 32.

Yow, can I go on?  Sorry, but I thought some background was necessarry).
Back to the question.

I think a lot of us have felt that if carrying a child was not our "prime
function", at least it was one that we were looking forward to and placed
a large amount of value on.  I know that I never wanted a "career", I
wanted a family and children.  A career is what my mother did, and it just
did not look all that exciting.  Besides, I have supported myself since I
was 14, working has never been an option, always a necessity.  I was
looking to find my identity in some version of the nuclear family.

Mom says "You were living in some '50's dream that did not work then."
Maybe too much Leave it to Beaver.  The urge to have a child is VERY
strong, even if it is not "politically correct".  The urge to nurture is
there, at least for me.  Yes, I am a self-supporting (sort of - pink
collar work doesn't pay too well), productive member of my society.  But
for me, there is something missing.  I notice that as my friends and
family get older, they also want children.  Myabe because being pregnant
feels so good, maybe because we would like someone to teach our mistakes
too.  My job was chosen because I could do it and raise a baby.  

The thing is to find something to do as interesting as raising another
person.  I do not feel satisfied - but this is possibly because the job
opportunities open to women in my area are not terribly satisfying.
Contrary to popular opinion, after a certain age, hacking does not fulfill
all.  Being a big-shot programmer is sort of like mental masturbation in a
way, I don't really want to go teach calculus, and I will not work for
business on moral grounds.  Options are limited by the economy as well as
by the sexist attitudes in Amerika.

Sheeet, I guess I didn't answer your question, but maybe I gave some point
of view.

liz

ps.  PLEASE PLEASE do NOT send me flames about adoption.   I am  not in any
emotional,physical,  financial  or  maritial  state  to  make  such a thing
feasible at this time.
-- 
liz sommers
uucp:   ...{harvard, seismo, ut-sally, sri-iu, ihnp4!packard}!topaz!sommers
arpa:   sommers@rutgers