Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 (Tek) 9/26/83; site tekred.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!cbosgd!ihnp4!mhuxn!mhuxj!mhuxr!ulysses!allegra!bellcore!decvax!tektronix!tekred!ronbe From: ronbe@tekred.UUCP (Ron Bemis ) Newsgroups: net.jokes Subject: New Year's Resolutions (what, late?) Message-ID: <258@tekred.UUCP> Date: Tue, 26-Feb-85 23:22:33 EST Article-I.D.: tekred.258 Posted: Tue Feb 26 23:22:33 1985 Date-Received: Mon, 4-Mar-85 04:44:08 EST Organization: Tektronix, Redmond OR Lines: 78 Here's something else that's been lying around awhile... I tried to find it about 3 months ago, but just stumbled onto it today. ----------------------------------------------------- New Year's Resolutions 1982 1. I will try to be a better husband to Marge. 2. I will stop looking at other women. 3. I will not let my boss push me around. 4. I will read at least 20 good books a year. 5. I will not get upset when Charlie and Sam make jokes about my baldness. 6. I will get my weight down below 180. 7. I will not take a drink before 5:00 p.m. 8. I will not spend my money frivolously. 9. I will see my dentist this year. 10. I will go to church every Sunday. 11. I will not be so self-destructive. 12. I will work out at the gym at least twice a week. 13. I will follow all of these resolutions to the letter. 1983 1. I will not leave Marge. 2. I will not get involved with Wanda. 3. I will stick up for my rights when my boss bullies me. 4. I will read at least 10 books a year. 5. I will not get annoyed when Charlie and Sam kid me about my toupee. 6. I will watch my calories until I get below 190. 7. I will not touch the bottle before noon. 8. I will pay off my bank loan promptly. 9. I will have my cavities filled this year. 10. I will go to church as often as possible. 11. I will stop wrecking my life. 12. I will play 18 holes of golf at least once a week. 13. I will make a serious effort to follow these resolutions. 1984 1. I will try for a reconciliation with Marge. 2. I will not let Wanda pressure me into another marriage. 3. I will not let my sadistic boss drive me to the point of suicide. 4. I will read 5 books a year. 5. I will not lose my temper when Charlie and Sam tell the guys I wear a girdle. 6. I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200. 7. I will not become a "problem drinker." 8. I will pay off my bank loans promptly. 9. I will have my root canal work done this year. 10. I will set aside time each day for prayer and meditation. 11. I will work to escape the living hell I've created for myself. 12. I will go to the pitch-and-putt course whenever I can. 13. I will try to bat .500 with these resolutions. 1985 1. I will try to be a better husband to Wanda. 2. I will stop looking at other women. 3. I will tell Dr. Hodger and the group about my boss. 4. I will finish Airport. 5. I will not speak to Charlie and Sam. 6. I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight. 7. I will not miss any AA meetings. 8. I will begin making a strong effort to be out of debt by 1986. 9. I will get rid of my denture breath this year. 10. I will try to catch the late night sermonette on TV. 11. I will accept the fact that some men are winners and others are losers. 12. I will improve my game of bridge. 13. I will learn to live with my weaknesses. -- tektronix!tekred!ronbe _____ Support Bacteria - Ron Bemis / o o \ It's the only Tektronix | \___/ | culture some Redmond, OR \_____/ people have!