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From: ronbe@tekred.UUCP (Ron Bemis )
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: New Year's Resolutions (what, late?)
Message-ID: <258@tekred.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 26-Feb-85 23:22:33 EST
Article-I.D.: tekred.258
Posted: Tue Feb 26 23:22:33 1985
Date-Received: Mon, 4-Mar-85 04:44:08 EST
Organization: Tektronix, Redmond OR
Lines: 78

Here's something else that's been lying around awhile...
I tried to find it about 3 months ago, but just
stumbled onto it today.
-----------------------------------------------------
	New Year's Resolutions
		1982
1.  I will try to be a better husband to Marge.
2.  I will stop looking at other women.
3.  I will not let my boss push me around.
4.  I will read at least 20 good books a year.
5.  I will not get upset when Charlie and Sam make
	jokes about my baldness.
6.  I will get my weight down below 180.
7.  I will not take a drink before 5:00 p.m.
8.  I will not spend my money frivolously.
9.  I will see my dentist this year.
10. I will go to church every Sunday.
11. I will not be so self-destructive.
12. I will work out at the gym at least twice a week.
13. I will follow all of these resolutions to the letter.

		1983
1.  I will not leave Marge.
2.  I will not get involved with Wanda.
3.  I will stick up for my rights when my boss bullies me.
4.  I will read at least 10 books a year.
5.  I will not get annoyed when Charlie and Sam kid me
	about my toupee.
6.  I will watch my calories until I get below 190.
7.  I will not touch the bottle before noon.
8.  I will pay off my bank loan promptly.
9.  I will have my cavities filled this year.
10. I will go to church as often as possible.
11. I will stop wrecking my life.
12. I will play 18 holes of golf at least once a week.
13. I will make a serious effort to follow these resolutions.

		1984
1.  I will try for a reconciliation with Marge.
2.  I will not let Wanda pressure me into another marriage.
3.  I will not let my sadistic boss drive me to the
	point of suicide.
4.  I will read 5 books a year.
5.  I will not lose my temper when Charlie and Sam tell
	the guys I wear a girdle.
6.  I will follow my new diet religiously until I get
	below 200.
7.  I will not become a "problem drinker."
8.  I will pay off my bank loans promptly.
9.  I will have my root canal work done this year.
10. I will set aside time each day for prayer and meditation.
11. I will work to escape the living hell I've created for
	myself.
12. I will go to the pitch-and-putt course whenever I can.
13. I will try to bat .500 with these resolutions.

		1985
1.  I will try to be a better husband to Wanda.
2.  I will stop looking at other women.
3.  I will tell Dr. Hodger and the group about my boss.
4.  I will finish Airport.
5.  I will not speak to Charlie and Sam.
6.  I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my
	weight.
7.  I will not miss any AA meetings.
8.  I will begin making a strong effort to be out of
	debt by 1986.
9.  I will get rid of my denture breath this year.
10. I will try to catch the late night sermonette on TV.
11. I will accept the fact that some men are winners
	and others are losers.
12. I will improve my game of bridge.
13. I will learn to live with my weaknesses.
-- 
tektronix!tekred!ronbe  _____      Support Bacteria -
Ron Bemis              / o o \     It's the only
Tektronix             | \___/ |    culture some
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