Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site masscomp.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!bonnie!masscomp!carlton From: carlton@masscomp.UUCP (Carlton Hommel) Newsgroups: net.kids Subject: Re: How to discipline short of spanking Message-ID: <194@masscomp.UUCP> Date: Sun, 6-Jan-85 14:06:36 EST Article-I.D.: masscomp.194 Posted: Sun Jan 6 14:06:36 1985 Date-Received: Mon, 7-Jan-85 03:28:58 EST References: <286@ho95b.UUCP> Reply-To: carlton@masscomp.UUCP (Alana Hommel) Organization: Masscomp - Westford, MA Lines: 38 Keywords: Discipline Spanking Sleep Summary: A governess' way In article <286@ho95b.UUCP> jam@ho95b.UUCP (Joe Malecki) writes: >But the issue of getting her to do something she doesn't want to do >is a general one. >We've been told by many people that a good spanking is what she needs. >But the couple of times we've reluctantly done so, she tells us, >"Don't hit me. You shouldn't hit me!" which is precisely what we tell >her when she hits us. It's tough to argue with that. As a governess, I've seen this problem twice. Good to excellent results were achieved by the following: Define the problem. The real problem is not sleep. It is control. Your child is learning to manipulate you, and while this may be useful if they are planning on running for public office, it is not appropriate inside a family. Decide what dicipline is in your own minds. Emotionally, it is far more harmful for both _you_ and the child to have her sit and scream then to have her spanked. Talk to your child. When she states "Don't hit me. You shouldn't hit me!" assert that _you_ are the parent. You did not run for the office, and you are not goverened by a majority rule. As a parent, you have certain responsibilities. Curbing this behaivor is one. As far as spanking goes, make sure that is done privately. Humiliation is not healthy. It should be done calmly, and the anger should be dissasociated from the physical hitting. Carefully explain that you are not hitting her because you feel like it, but to provide punctuation to your stand. Children to not need their parents to be "buddies." Parents do not live by the same rules as their 2 year olds. Your child must grow secure in the knowledge that you will stop her _before_ she makes a huge mistake, and not make her deal with issues she has no resources to handle. This approach has worked for me with two girls in two different families. Both children learned to assert themselves in other ways. (Which cake mix to make, what present to get for mommie, where to visit on vacation, etc) Rest assured, you are not stifling their growth. Best of luck. Alana Hommel (for Carl Hommel) Husband: I don't wanna eat my brussel's sprouts! Wife: Then its off to bed with no dessert.