Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/5/84; site v1.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!allegra!bellcore!decvax!genrad!mit-eddie!godot!harvard!seismo!cmcl2!philabs!v1!charliep From: charliep@v1.UUCP (Charlie Perkins) Newsgroups: net.kids Subject: Re: How to discipline short of spanking Message-ID: <121@v1.UUCP> Date: Sat, 5-Jan-85 18:50:43 EST Article-I.D.: v1.121 Posted: Sat Jan 5 18:50:43 1985 Date-Received: Wed, 9-Jan-85 05:48:57 EST References: <286@ho95b.UUCP> <911@ihuxb.UUCP> Organization: IBM Research, Yorktown Heights, N.Y. Lines: 44 I have to come out in favor of spanking. We resort to this only rarely (every month or two) -- and it is usually in response to some obviously defiant behavior. Since our first line of discipline is sending our daughter to bed, spanking usually happens there, too. We try to overcome the bad associations of bed by reading stories, etc. there. Someone mentioned that screaming was their daughter's right. I think there is merit to this idea, but when I want to sleep, I cannot allow our daughter to scream on and on. Besides which, I really think that she sometimes is crying out of meanness. So, if sending to bed does not work, and screaming persists, a spanking is first threatened and (if necessary) carried out. My wife was until recently a preschool teacher, and she is convinced that one of the things that would have been most helpful for the kids is an occasional spanking! Really, the things she told me would make you want to spank the kids too -- like when they come to her and kick her on the shins. If you knew my wife, you would know that she is sinfully meek, so that I am sure she does not provoke such attacks. { Aside: BE SURE to check out sanitary conditions, toys, and other stuff if you decide to place your child in a preschool. There are such schools that are poorly managed and dangerous for children. The danger can be either physical or emotional; for instance, a rowdy class might encourage your child to pick up bad habits, and an unsanitary school can send your child to the hospital with meningitis or something. } I agree with the parent who said that discipline should be used sparingly. For us, usually an explanation or a warning will be all that is required. But (and this has been a surprise of sorts for me) kids AREN'T always rational! And, I really agree with everyone who mentioned that empty threats (of whatever nature) are damaging to the parent-child relationship. My mind is still open though. I'd really like to hear about methods of discipline that REALLY work as alternatives to spanking. I would much prefer to remove that technique from my repertoire. I cannot help but believe that children build up resentment somewhere after they have been spanked -- or else that they think they are intrinsically bad. -- Charlie Perkins, IBM T.J. Watson Research philabs!v1!charliep, perk%YKTVMX.BITNET@berkeley, perk.yktvmx.ibm@csnet-relay