Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site aesat.UUCP Path: utzoo!aesat!rwh From: rwh@aesat.UUCP (Russ Herman) Newsgroups: net.kids Subject: Spanking, good vs bad Message-ID: <322@aesat.UUCP> Date: Sun, 13-Jan-85 10:01:43 EST Article-I.D.: aesat.322 Posted: Sun Jan 13 10:01:43 1985 Date-Received: Sun, 13-Jan-85 12:12:45 EST Organization: AES Data Inc., Mississauga, Ont., CANADA L5N 3C9 Lines: 43 I too am somewhat surprised at the generally pro-spanking position of the net. I can't speak for other people's kids, but my little guy has never been physically (I agree with whoever posted the comment about non-physical) spanked. Ever since he was about two, all I had to do is look at him in an angry tone and he'd cry. I'm not sure whether he's more sensitive than some kids, or if it's *because* we've never spanked. That is saved for things like defiantly running out into traffic, sticking fingers in wall sockets, and reaching for things on the stove. While each of these has happenned once or twice, they have never been done defiantly, and training was successful without this last-resort measure. By the way, if you're a pre-parent who is considering a non-spanking approach, don't be suprised when, in spite of it, your kid decides to hit you. It seems to be instinctive. We've got ours pretty well trained to punch a pillow or the couch rather than us or throwing things (still does the latter occasionally). One of the things I wonder about is whether, having begun using spanking, a family can retreat from it, particularly with young children. My gut reaction is that you can't - it's a bit like using nuclear weapons. Another stylistic difference in parenting I notice is this discussion of "good" vs. "bad". Frankly, I don't believe in that distinction (not to say I don't between "good" and "evil", but that's another topic...). The labels I use for Joel's behavior are "nice" and "not nice". Now I realize that the subtleties of "good" vs. "nice" are lost on a 3 year old. However, as we grow older, we reinterpret the recalled words and actions of our parents. When he can make the distinction, I want him to realize what I was saying. An aside: children's cognition isn't anything like adults'. The Do good boys/girls do X? Did you do X? Are you a good boy/girl? sequence does not produce the expected result. Read Piaget or one of his explainers (I never could get thru the original writings!) for further insights. -- ______ Russ Herman / \ {allegra,ihnp4,linus,decvax}!utzoo!aesat!rwh @( ? ? )@ ( || ) The opinions above are strictly personal, and ( \__/ ) do not reflect those of my employer (or even \____/ possibly myself an hour from now.)