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From: abv@stat-l (David Stevens)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: The end of it
Message-ID: <263@stat-l>
Date: Wed, 9-Jan-85 23:37:09 EST
Article-I.D.: stat-l.263
Posted: Wed Jan  9 23:37:09 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 12-Jan-85 00:15:23 EST
References: <483@mako.UUCP> <1649@pucc-h>
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center
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> -- Jeff Sargent

> I'm sorry, but while I will tell all sorts of things to people (obviously),
> I cannot dare to actually, explicitly, give another person the amount of
> power over me that an SO would have.  Giving a person that much power is
> the surest way to get yourself hurt.  The worst thing is that the hurt may
> not come for many years down the line, as my parents found, as the 40/20
> club members have found.

	As a recent addition to the 22/1.5 club, I have to disagree with
your (apparent) feeling that the pain involved in a divorce, or break-up
of a serious relationship is reason (or excuse) enough not to try for a
serious relationship. The pain that I feel from my wife leaving me is "better",
in some sense, than the pain I would have felt never having known her. I
know from experience, because I, like you, felt that my childhood was
somehow cheated from me. My parents were divorced when I was 6, and I spent
the following 11 years hating myself and the rest of the world, and
isolating myself from it. My wife, and others, helped me escape from the
pit  I had put  myself in -- helped me feel that I was worth something, and
that, despite the many faults that I still have, I have something to offer.
	The pain that I feel is from my wanting a lifetime with my wife,
when she can only give me the 5 years I've known her. Those 5 years have
been, without question, the happiest of my life, though, and even though
the last few months have been the worst in my life, I come out much better
off. I think (hope) the 40/20 club members agree with me there -- the simple
way of putting it is, of course, "It is better to have loved, and lost, than
to have never loved at all."
	I think, Jeff, if you can find the strength, or courage to let
yourself risk the pain (even when that may just be "I don't want to go
out  with you") and go as far as your feelings will take you, regardless
of that risk, you will find that the risk is nothing, compared to the
reward. I've gone the full route, and I've felt more pain than I could
have imagined in these last few months, but I think my greatest risk
right now is not falling into that pit again, but rather getting too serious,
too fast with the wrong person.
	Give up your past troubles; tell your insecurities to take a hike,
and LISTEN TO YOUR HEART!
-- 
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						David L Stevens
		{decvax|harpo|ihnp4|inuxc|seismo|ucbvax}!pur-ee!pucc-h:abv

The opinions expressed above are my own, and not necessarily anyone else's.

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