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From: paul@politik.UUCP (Paul Vixie)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: A Love and War Story, part 2 of 2
Message-ID: <67@politik.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 1-Jan-85 02:49:07 EST
Article-I.D.: politik.67
Posted: Tue Jan  1 02:49:07 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 5-Jan-85 04:02:09 EST
Reply-To: paul@politik.UUCP (& Vixie)
Organization: Clinton Reilly Campaigns, San Francisco
Lines: 61

[The original article, to which the following text is a sequel, has been
re-posted as "Love and War #1 of 1", for those who wish to read it.]

This is mostly for those of you who have read the article posted by Paul Vixie
regarding the break-up between him and his girlfriend.  I am that girlfriend.  
A lot has happened since he wrote that article.  For starters, he sent me a
copy.  I read it and then thought about it, quite a bit.  I also thought about
the way he'd broken down the next time I saw him ( my understanding was that he
hadn't cried in about 8 yrs.).  And I also thought about the things he was
telling me; how he'd been wrong, he really wouldn't prefer to be uncommitted and
unattached.  I listened when he said he finally understood the lovesongs, and
all the things I said about love.  I could go on, but basically  he explained
his recognition of the depth of emotion he had for me.

The more I thought the more confused I became about the decision I had made.
(I was going out with someone else, but that was in no way a factor in any
decision.  At best it was someone to spend time with so that I wasn't always
depressed and so that I could consider resuming a relationship with Paul without
worrying that I was doing so out of some form of depression/boredom.)  I lay
awake most nights trying to think, wondering if I'd done the right thing.  And I
cried often.  I love(ed) Paul very much, but I couldn't carry on the way things
had been, until he decided to leave the state to go to school.  That would have
been okay if the relationship had been mutually satisfying, but it wasn't; we
were both unhappy.  I never WANTED to stop seeing him, I just felt it would be
best for my mental health.  By jumping at every chance to see him, and knowing
that I was often an irritant to him, my love was causing me to lose my
self-respect.  During our separation, there were many times when I wanted to
call him and tell him I 
was wrong, and that I would stay with him for as long as he wanted me to.  The
one time I called him to tell him this, he was out.  Anyway, to get back on
track, I spent many hours soul-searching.  I wished I could be sure that the
changes he talked about were true/valid, not just a reaction of shock, or caused
by transitory pain.

The next time I saw Paul (to assume temporary custody of his cats), he asked me
to marry him.  I said "no", without stopping to consider, at all what this
action was telling me.  However, I did think about it constantly until the next
time I saw him.  In this time, I realized that my reasons for not seeing him
anymore were no longer valid.  I already knew that my love for him was as strong
as always.  I had not changed my mind about him and than changed it back at the
prospect of a chance to marry.  I had undergone a severe period of self doubt in
which I finally started to accept all Paul had told me about the nature of love;
mainly that he did not have time for the kind of love I needed and was offering
(how often I remembered his warning, "we will not always be lovers, but we can
always be friends").  But, aving had my faith in our love finally made valid,
I knew that I still did want to be with Paul forever, especially now that he
realized his love for me.  So, like Paul before me, I set off immediately to
tell him of the results of my soul-searching.  I was met with a much better
reception than I had any right to expect, certainly better than he received from
me.  After ascertaining that he had proposed in all earnestness, I asked if the
offer was still open.  He said since I had already refused, I must propose to
him.  So I did and he accepted.

We have since set up house-keeping and established an environment that is home
for us both.   We are very happy togethr and I have no doubts that we will
remain this way for the rest of our lives.  My only regret is the pain we each
had to go through to reach this point.

	Michelle V. Pagni

ps- this has been overdue for posting since 15-October.  Happy Halloween!