Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site drusd.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!cbosgd!ihnp4!drutx!drusd!phl From: phl@drusd.UUCP (LavettePH) Newsgroups: net.flame Subject: NYC BUDGET SOLUTION Message-ID: <1198@drusd.UUCP> Date: Fri, 18-Jan-85 15:57:41 EST Article-I.D.: drusd.1198 Posted: Fri Jan 18 15:57:41 1985 Date-Received: Sat, 19-Jan-85 04:26:34 EST Organization: AT&T Information Systems Laboratories, Denver Lines: 70 It has occurred to me that there might be a simple solution to New York City's seemingly insoluble budget problems. In Colorado anyone can enter his or her name in a drawing which, if their name is drawn, allows them to hunt the rare rocky mountain big-horn sheep. The hunter is allowed to pursue this game only once in his or her lifetime whether or not he or she bags a trophy. The license fee is quite high. Why couldn't this hunt be adapted for, you guessed it, the NYC subway mugger? Think of the advantages: THERE WOULD BE NO DANGER TO NON-HUNTERS! The subway entrances can be sealed when the sun goes down and reopened when it comes back up. Since no decent citizens are in the subways at this time there is no chance of anyone but another hunter being hit with a stray and with suit- able blaze orange apparel there is little likelihood of that. Hunting is, af- er all, one of the safest sports in the country. Those few citizens who would need the subway in an emergency could be easily transported in a cab paid for with a small portion of the license revenue set aside for that purpose. THE NYC SUBWAY MUGGER IS A DESIRABLE GAME SPECIES! While the big horn is a rare trophy, indeed, the Bengal tiger and African rhino, elephant and lion add the element of danger much desired by any true hunter. The NYC subway mugger would provide this element of risk, especially when cornered. Ask any transit authority or city patrolman. THE NYC SUBWAY MUGGER IS NOT AN ENDANGERED SPECIES! While most big game species have been driven to near extinction by habitat des- truction, poaching and all the other encroachments of civilization, this animal thrives in this environment. New York can, with careful management, provide endless supplies of muggers in the future. It has done so capably in the past. THE NYC SUBWAY MUGGER IS A VERSATILE SPECIES! Sly and cunning, relentless in their search for prey (especially when in packs), these wide ranging animals can be hunted either from a blind or by stalking. A handicapped hunter would have few problems and could enjoy the sport to its fullest. ALTERNATIVE HUNTING SITES ARE AVAILABLE! If breeding conditions are unfavorable and the subway system must be closed, other sites may be opened without loss of the season's revenue and with little additional risk to the non-hunting public. While Central Park is an obvious first choice even with the disadvantage of damage by 4WD vehicles, there are numerous other sites with equal possibilities. Many others are available. The friendly native population would be eager to suggest alternative sites. A NYC SUBWAY MUGGER SEASON WOULD PROVIDE NEW JOBS! Aside from the necessary guides, bearers, trackers and game wardens, otherwise unemployable derelicts and bag ladies could be hired as subway platform decoys to attract the game. A helpless old woman suitably equipped with a handbag would be an irresistible prey. NEW YORK CITY IS WELL SUITED! With its harbor, many airports, excellent hotels, fine restaurants and friendly colorful natives, "FUN CITY" provides endless opportunities for a memorable va- cation experience before, during and after the hunt. The hunter should be en- couraged to bring the entire family along. I'm sorry. The temptation was too great and it has been a long week. - phil