Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/5/84; site tove.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!allegra!bellcore!decvax!genrad!mit-eddie!godot!harvard!seismo!umcp-cs!tove!mark From: mark@tove.UUCP (Mark Weiser) Newsgroups: net.kids Subject: Re: How to discipline short of spanking Message-ID: <83@tove.UUCP> Date: Fri, 11-Jan-85 20:48:44 EST Article-I.D.: tove.83 Posted: Fri Jan 11 20:48:44 1985 Date-Received: Mon, 14-Jan-85 02:50:00 EST References: <286@ho95b.UUCP> <194@masscomp.UUCP> Reply-To: mark@tove.UUCP (Mark Weiser) Organization: U of Maryland, Laboratory for Parallel Computation, C.P., MD Lines: 33 In article <194@masscomp.UUCP> carlton@masscomp.UUCP (Alana Hommel) writes: >... >Emotionally, it is far more >harmful for both _you_ and the child to have her sit and scream then to have >her spanked. >... The tone of the spanking discussion has been sounding good to me: "Spanking should be rare, there are other forms of discipline just as good, no physical abuse." It sounds like we are all pretty good parents. But the above statement stopped me cold. If there is some actual evidence for it I'd like to hear it. I think exactly the opposite--it is best if I can stand to be with my children while she sits and screams at bedtime. Sometimes I am just not up to that, and I do something to stop the screaming (usually read a story or do some other distracting activity). But I don't feel as good after that, and neither does she. When our children show emotions of any kind they encouraged to (a) express that emotion non-destructively, and (b) not act on the emotion but rather wait for calmness to decide what to do. Similarly we do not respond to the emotional outburst as if it is a demand for anything, but simply as an expression that says: "I feel X", where X is sad, or mad, or whatever. Sometimes it can be hard to feel SO MAD or SO SAD all alone, so we will sit with her (we have two girls) while the outburst finishes (sometimes 5 minutes, sometimes 60 minutes). But no special attention is given because there happens to be a lot of emotion, and we try for lots of attention to them at other times. -- Spoken: Mark Weiser ARPA: mark@maryland Phone: +1-301-454-7817 CSNet: mark@umcp-cs UUCP: {seismo,allegra}!umcp-cs!mark USPS: Computer Science Dept., University of Maryland, College Park, MD 20742