Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site aesat.UUCP Path: utzoo!aesat!rwh From: rwh@aesat.UUCP (Russ Herman) Newsgroups: net.kids Subject: Re: Spanking, good vs bad Message-ID: <329@aesat.UUCP> Date: Sun, 20-Jan-85 14:33:23 EST Article-I.D.: aesat.329 Posted: Sun Jan 20 14:33:23 1985 Date-Received: Sun, 20-Jan-85 21:47:38 EST References: <322@aesat.UUCP>, <637@ccice5.UUCP> Organization: AES Data Inc., Mississauga, Ont., CANADA L5N 3C9 Lines: 47 I see that I've triggered a few queries from tim@ccice5. I hope they're asked in the spirit of attempting to discover different ways of relating to his child(ren). >Russ, why does he cry with a look? What does THE LOOK communicate to your son? >Because a young child isn't real good at reasoning, disciplining must mean >something "unpleasant" (ie. spank, go to room, etc.) When I give my >3 year old THE LOOK, he knows it means a spanking if he doesn't stop >the wrong behavior. The look needs to be associated with some action in >the childs mind. What thought of action invokes your child to cry when >he gets THE LOOK? THE LOOK communicates my displeasure. It's backed up with sending him, or more likely carrying him, up to his room. But I don't think it is the sending to the room that gets him upset - it's knowing that I'm mad at him. And you don't have to be terribly good at reasoning to realize that; my *cat* was bright enough to be able to pick that up. By the way, sending him to his room isn't, per se, unpleasant. His toys are there, some of his books, and his fish. He spends time there on his own every day. The idea is *not* to punish the kid; it's to isolate him until he's in the mood to rejoin society again. Unlike some of the fears I've seen in other postings, he does not associate being in his room with being punished. Once in a while, after being sent to his room, he decides to stay up there and play after calming down. Fine with me! >Why would it [his being more sensitive] be *because* you've never spanked? Well, I don't know whether people are born with different degrees of sensitivity. I DO know that sensitivity can be both enhanced and blunted. He has to respond to more subtle cues than a swat on the backside to know how I feel. The ability to respond to subtle cues is one of the ways I define sensitivity. >To all the nonspankers: How do you ultimately get your child to >go to his room, sit on a chair, etc? I'm asking honestly (no threats >intended). My son gets right off the chair, opens the door to his >room, etc. when he's especially defiant. What do you do then? I spank. Sounds to me like your kid is asking you to spank him. Guess he doesn't find it as unpleasant as you think he does. Now what? -- ______ Russ Herman / \ {allegra,ihnp4,linus,decvax}!utzoo!aesat!rwh @( ? ? )@ ( || ) The opinions above are strictly personal, and ( \__/ ) do not reflect those of my employer (or even \____/ possibly myself an hour from now.)