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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!allegra!bellcore!decvax!cca!ima!inmet!mazur
From: mazur@inmet.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: a new group???
Message-ID: <1885@inmet.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 14-Jan-85 04:32:16 EST
Article-I.D.: inmet.1885
Posted: Mon Jan 14 04:32:16 1985
Date-Received: Wed, 16-Jan-85 15:53:26 EST
Lines: 63
Nf-ID: #R:ihdev:-13900:inmet:8200030:000:3250
Nf-From: inmet!mazur    Jan 12 14:45:00 1985


Well said, Ron!  

   > what brought this letter on??  i just got back from my christmas vacataion,
   > and was catching up on notes from dec. 19 to jan 2, and i happend to notice
   > in net.singles on my machine there were 42 articles that did NOT refer to
   > JS, and 34 that were either his, or a follow up to his. 

I noticed the same thing when I got back from vacation.  My reaction was
equally as negative for the reason below:

  > ...[after you] read 32 letters about your problems in less than
  > 45 minutes??  you start to see the big picture developing.  you put up these
  > "oh poor me letters", you get the "your not so bad, jeff", and then you say
  > "oh, but i am!" and they say "no, your not", and then you....

My impression of the big picture is that Jeff is using net.singles to reinforce
his negative self-esteem.  Now, you may say I have no background in 
psychology to decide this, but geez, it's as if the guy is ignoring all
your tolerant "you're not so bad, Jeff" articles and is waiting for an
article like this one to come along and say "yeah, Jeff, you are as bad
as you say".  

  > here's the jist of all of this:  jeff, are you REALLY getting anything out
  > of reading this group?  better yet, is the group getting anything out of
  > your participation??  it's the SAME OLD STUFF, time after time.  it's as if
  > you wait for new people to get on the net so they can fall for your "i'm not
  > a perfect human" lines, and send sympathy mail.  those of us who have been
  > on the net for a while are getting a little fed up with all of this.

He isn't listening folks!  He may be reading, but he isn't thinking about
the advice you are giving him, except how to twist your words to reaffirm
what a lousy human being he is.  Reading Jeff's articles every other day 
is like seeing somebody who parks in a handicapped spot every other day.
Is it so hard to walk a little further?  Or to think a little harder?

  > ps:  once again i'll come of looking like the big bad guy, and once again
  > i'll probably be speaking for the silent majority who are being polite
  > by not saying anything, but 'n'-keying this group away.

Well, Ron, you're probably right about this.  Right now people are 
wondering how I could be so cold/unfeeling/whatever.  

I do understand what Jeff is going through.  But I don't believe this
discussion is helping, because he isn't listening.  If you have got
this far Jeff, I have only one comment.  You've got to do the work.  If
I were you, I'd increase the frequency of my therapy sessions.  I have
a friend who commented yesterday that once you are out of your twenties
it gets much harder to deal with (and come to terms with) your past.

You know what else?  Excuses are just that - excuses.  You may blame your
parents or your siblings or your first female friend or your 3rd grade
history teacher for screwing up your life, but you are an adult now Jeff.
Act like one.  You alone are responsible for your behavior.  

If you don't do something, really do something, then look around.  The
*entire* rest of your life is going to be like it is now.  It won't get better.

Beth Mazur
{ihnp4,ima,harpo}!inmet!mazur

To be recorded in history - one yes vote for net.singles.js