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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!bonnie!masscomp!carlton
From: carlton@masscomp.UUCP (Carlton Hommel)
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Re: How to discipline short of spanking
Message-ID: <194@masscomp.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 6-Jan-85 14:06:36 EST
Article-I.D.: masscomp.194
Posted: Sun Jan  6 14:06:36 1985
Date-Received: Mon, 7-Jan-85 03:28:58 EST
References: <286@ho95b.UUCP>
Reply-To: carlton@masscomp.UUCP (Alana Hommel)
Organization: Masscomp - Westford, MA
Lines: 38
Keywords: Discipline Spanking Sleep
Summary: A governess' way

In article <286@ho95b.UUCP> jam@ho95b.UUCP (Joe Malecki) writes:
>But the issue of getting her to do something she doesn't want to do
>is a general one.
>We've been told by many people that a good spanking is what she needs.
>But the couple of times we've reluctantly done so, she tells us,
>"Don't hit me.  You shouldn't hit me!" which is precisely what we tell
>her when she hits us. It's tough to argue with that.

As a governess, I've seen this problem twice.  Good to excellent results were
achieved by the following:
    Define the problem.  The real problem is not sleep.  It is control.  Your
child is learning to manipulate you, and while this may be useful if they are
planning on running for public office, it is not appropriate inside a family.
    Decide what dicipline is in your own minds.   Emotionally, it is far more
harmful for both _you_ and the child to have her sit and  scream then to have
her spanked.
    Talk to your child. When she states "Don't hit me. You shouldn't hit me!"
assert that _you_ are the parent.    You did not run for the office, and you
are not goverened by a majority rule.  As a parent, you have certain
responsibilities.  Curbing this behaivor is one.
    As far as spanking goes,  make sure that is done privately.  Humiliation
is not healthy.  It should be done calmly, and the anger should be
dissasociated from the physical hitting.  Carefully explain that you are not
hitting her because you feel like it, but to provide punctuation to your
stand.
    Children to not need their parents to be "buddies."  Parents do not live
by the same rules as their 2 year olds.   Your child must grow secure in the
knowledge that you will stop her _before_ she makes a huge mistake,  and not
make her deal with issues she has no resources to handle.
   This approach has worked for me with two girls in two different families.
Both children learned to assert themselves in other ways. (Which cake mix to
make, what present to get for mommie, where to visit on vacation, etc)  Rest
assured, you are not stifling their growth.  Best of luck.

	Alana Hommel
		(for Carl Hommel)
Husband:  I don't wanna eat my brussel's sprouts!
Wife:  Then its off to bed with no dessert.