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From: penny@hlwpc.UUCP (P. Blaine)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: The Incomplete and Abridged Computer Term Lexicon
Message-ID: <470@hlwpc.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 21-Jan-85 14:24:33 EST
Article-I.D.: hlwpc.470
Posted: Mon Jan 21 14:24:33 1985
Date-Received: Tue, 22-Jan-85 06:21:34 EST
Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories, Short Hills, NJ
Lines: 98

This was being passed around the office and received quite
a few chuckles - so I thought I'd pass it along.


Analog - hors d'oeuvre, usually made with cheese and covered with crushed
         nuts.  Served at all staff parties.

Apple -	Typically a device used to seduce men.  Usually equipped with
	display screens and/or worms.

Bar Chart - A list of places to go when it's Miller time.

Binary - Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.

Bipolar - Refers to someone who has homes in Nome, Alaska, and
          Buffalo, New York

Bit - Similar to a nibble.  Commonly eight nibbles to a mouthful.
      (See byte).

BPI - a 1960's term used to describe unmentionable parts of the
      anatomy, as in "you bet your bpi".

Bubble Memory - a derogatory term, usually referring to a person's
                intelligence.  See also "vacuum tube".

Bug - small living things that small living boys throw on
      small living girls.

Byte - a mouthful, as in "How many bytes in a Big Mac?"

CPU - a juvenile way of telling your dog he missed the paper.

Character Density - the number of very weird people in the office.

Chip - Any number of small crunchy objects often served with onion dip.

Code - virus lasting about three to five days, accompanied by sore
       throat, runny nose and fever.

Command - statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer
          in such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is
          in control.

Compile - a heap of decomposing vegetable matter.

Conversational Mode - describes the typicall office the day after
                      a major sporting event.

CRT - a movie about a little alien who forgets his telephone number
      and must write home.

Cursor - an expert in four-letter words.

Debug - the act of placing shoe leather against a small creeping
        creature.

Downtime - coffee breaks, lunch, or Friday mentality in the office.

Dump - the EPA's answer to health.

Error - something only humans can commit.

FIFO - common name for a dog.

Hardware - typically boots, leather and chains.  Contrast with software.

Interface - the opposite of "getouttamyface".

K - A term used in employment ads to disguise how much they are
    really willing to pay.

Megahertz - a very large car rental company.

Network - the occupation of a fisherman.

On Line - a statement shouted at tennis judges in response to
          serves being called out.

Program - what commercials try to do to us.

RAM - a male sheep.

Real Time - here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only
            occurs there and then.

ROM - a RAM after a delicate operation.

Semi-Conductor - a person hired to lead an orchestra before he
                 has graduated from director's school.

Software - typically silk nighties, nylons, garter belts.
           Contrast with hardware.

Terminal - what most people have to be before consenting to see
           a doctor.

Vacuum Tube - a derogatory term - see "bubble memory".