Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 exptools 1/6/84; site ihuxl.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!ihnp4!ihuxl!walt2 From: walt2@ihuxl.UUCP (Walt Kurszewski) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: 40/20 club Message-ID: <1476@ihuxl.UUCP> Date: Wed, 9-Jan-85 13:49:36 EST Article-I.D.: ihuxl.1476 Posted: Wed Jan 9 13:49:36 1985 Date-Received: Fri, 11-Jan-85 08:03:43 EST Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL Lines: 56 [I'm going to get hammered for this one, but what the hell.] In response to the 40/20 club where 40 = age and 20 = years married before the relationship ends: There was a reply asking netlanders to take it easy on 40/20ers. I don't think anyone is going to attack a 40/20er. Anyone whos ever broken up with an SO knows the pain and to spend 20 years with someone would only increase the pain. I can't say that I understand the pain a 40/20er goes through, but I've been a 21/3er (though not married). There is no magic cure. Time helps fade pain but I don't know if the pain ever really goes away. You've just got to go on. One reply was from a 30/10er. It seems there's something common here. 40 - 20 = 20 and 30 - 10 = 20 (looks like I should have been a math major!). Is 20 too young to get married? I'm almost 23 and when I think back to when I was 20, I realize I've matured tremendously since then. I've learned to accept myself, responsibility, and how to better handle relationships with others. Hindsight tells me that if I'd gotten married at 20 it would have been a mistake. My old high school football coach (not God, but I respected his opinion) told me a good rule to follow is not to get married until you're at least 25 and not to have children until you've been married at least 2 years. The reason for waiting to have children is that it's tough enough adjusting to each other without the responsibility that comes with little people. Others I've talked to agree that until you're 25 you're still growing emotionally. You'll always be growing emotionally, but from 13 to 25 it seems to be more rapid. Maybe it's because you may not have experienced that first job or haven't been "on your own". As Dad puts it, "You need to paddle your own canoe". I think the danger lies in growing apart too fast to do anything about it or not growing up at all. Maybe another problem is marrying the first person you've ever loved/ kissed/been close to. Not having anything to compare to makes shopping for a good match a little difficult. Maybe having scratched before would eliminate the 7-year itch. Speaking of itches, a friend of mine got married about a year and a half ago. I asked him how thing were going. He replied, "Well, at least I get something every night." I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Do people really get married for sex? Do people confuse sex with love? PLEASE keep in mind that I'm only kicking around off-the-wall ideas here and am in no way suggesting that getting married at 20 is the cause of any relationship ending. I only know that it would have been a mistake for me. Walt Kurszewski ihnp4!ihuxl!walt2