Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/5/84; site bunker.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!allegra!bellcore!decvax!ittvax!bunker!garys From: garys@bunker.UUCP Newsgroups: net.kids Subject: Re: How to discipline short of spanking Message-ID: <644@bunker.UUCP> Date: Thu, 3-Jan-85 10:17:05 EST Article-I.D.: bunker.644 Posted: Thu Jan 3 10:17:05 1985 Date-Received: Sat, 5-Jan-85 01:54:43 EST References: <286@ho95b.UUCP> Organization: Bunker Ramo, Trumbull Ct Lines: 50 Our daughter is 2 years, 1 month old, and we have simlilar problems getting her to bed. General discipline we don't seem to have as much trouble with. Something that works well for us in getting our daughter to bed at night is for one of us (almost always my wife, but I have done it, too) to lie down with her until she goes to sleep. The title of your article suggests that you've already decided on the kind of answer you want to hear. But I recommend a good spanking, if nothing else works. And I don't mean a reluctant one, where she is able to make you feel ashamed for disciplining her. The rules for adults are different from the rules for children (which gradually change as the child gets older, until the children become adults and the rules match). (If anyone argues that the rules for two-year-olds should be the same as for adults, tell me how the two-year-old you have in mind earns a living.) Anecdote: When the second child of some friends of ours, a girl, was 2, she started a practice of waking up in the wee hours of the morning and screaming for an hour or two. After several nights of attempting to discover the problem, (Are you hurt? scared? etc.) one night the mother informed her that if she didn't go back to bed, she would be spanked with a wooden spoon. The girl proceeded to get up; she was spanked, and put back in bed. Immediately she got up again and was spanked again. This process was repeated several times that one night, before the girl stayed in bed. The next night it happened exactly once, and after that it didn't happen again. Yes, you feel rotten when you have to spank your child. And the child knows that, and will exploit the fact to try to make you feel more rotten so you won't do it again. But who's training whom? In our own case, we haven't had to resort to such severe punishment. (But if we have to, we will, and I think our daughter knows that, since we have spanked her before.) An interesting observation the same friend had was that our daughter would go to bed without any fuss for her when she wouldn't for us, so we know that it is simply a matter of asserting her will. I hope this is helpful; I also hope I don't sound like a know-it-all; I can only say what seems to work, and why I think it does. Gary Samuelson ittvax!bunker!garys