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Path: utzoo!linus!decvax!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-vlnvax!schneider
From: schneider@vlnvax.DEC
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Don't send me to the electric chair for this...
Message-ID: <173@decwrl.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 10-Jan-85 14:12:00 EST
Article-I.D.: decwrl.173
Posted: Thu Jan 10 14:12:00 1985
Date-Received: Mon, 14-Jan-85 19:51:53 EST
Sender: daemon@decwrl.UUCP
Organization: DEC Engineering Network
Lines: 35


	There once was an old man who was a train conductor.  For his
entire career he had been the best conductor for the entire railroad, 
never having been late once.  Now he was approaching retirement, and 
he was consumed with the idea that he would retire with his perfect
record intact.
	One day he was travelling very close to schedule when he saw 
an old lady slowly crossing the tracks in front of the train.  He 
realized that stopping for the old lady meant being late so he went
right on through, making a mess of the front of the train.  He was 
arrested for murder, went to trial, and was convicted and sentenced to
death in the electric chair.
	Now in this state it was law that if a person didn't die after
three miutes in the chair, they were set free.  When asked for his last
request, the old conductor asked for a banana, and held it in his right
hand as they hit the power.  After three minutes, he was still alive 
and thus set free to resume his old job.
	A few days later he was conducting the train close to schedule
again when he saw stuck on the track in front of him a station wagon of
nuns.  Deciding not to be late, he rammed the wagon. There were nuns
everywhere.  He was caught, tried and sentenced again, and this time
when he was strapped in the chair, he requested four bananas.  When 
they hit the power, he held the bananas in both hands, and after three
minutes, nothing.  Thus he walked away to conduct again.
	The day before his retirement, he was again running close to
schedule when in front of him sat a bus full of small children.  Needless
to say, boom, children everywhere.  After the trial, sentencing, etc.
the conductor was strapped in the chair and requested as many bananas 
as he could carry.  They hit the power, and nothing happened, allowing
him to walk off a third time.
	Do you know why he always survived the electric chair?  Because
he was a bad conductor.  Oh, you ask "Why the bananas?".  I just threw
them in for appeal.
			Daniel Schneider
			...decvax!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-vlnvax!schneider