Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site lzmi.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxj!houxm!ahuta!pegasus!lzmi!lfs From: lfs@lzmi.UUCP (lfs) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: What now? 20+X/X Message-ID: <312@lzmi.UUCP> Date: Thu, 17-Jan-85 23:52:57 EST Article-I.D.: lzmi.312 Posted: Thu Jan 17 23:52:57 1985 Date-Received: Fri, 18-Jan-85 10:17:57 EST Organization: AT&T Information Systems, Lincroft, NJ Lines: 41 I've been reading the 40/20 and What Now? articles with considerable interest, since I just got divorced after 8 years of marriage. By the time the marriage ended a lot of hostility had built up, so both of us were glad to be out. That's not the point though, it wasn't always that way. Neither one of us felt jilted, but it was still emotionally traumatic. Trust that had been taken for granted disappeared. Images of how we had expected our marriage and life to work out were shattered. And consequences of our actions on our 5 year old daughter weighed heavily on us - fortunately we still work together for her benefit. Anyway, for those of you who are just starting the process; I've found this group to be particularly helpful (even if they do flame each other periodically :-) ). They make starting over seem less scary, more like a second chance to put your life together, to meet new people, to grow in ways that you may have been stifled in before. To "Go for it". If nothing else, there are enough different views just to get you started thinking and reorienting yourself. Besides this group, you really find out who your friends are during the crisis and those friendships tend to get stronger over time. You find that most people (who aren't scared off by your problems) try to help in whatever way they can. Very seldom do you reach out, without getting a positive response back. And just when you think you've reached your low point, someone will say or do something that touches you and makes you realize that you aren't worthless and that people do care about you and that life is worth living. Don't give up, ever; it does get better. The worst problem is getting yourself out of a state of isolation and feeling alone and cut off from everyone and everything. Sure others have gone through similar experiences - but they just don't understand your unique situation. That's true they don't - and they won't - until you open up and tell them. I have never been very open; I found I'd open up a little until I got the least bit hurt and I'd close up again. I'd get up the courage and repeat the cycle; each time getting more open and closing up less. I've come a long way, but it will be a while before I'll love and trust again; but I know I will because I know what it felt like when I did and I want to feel that way again. Larry Safford (pegasus!lzmi!lfs)