Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 larry 2/4/84; site hlwpc.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxt!mhuxv!mhuxh!hlexa!hlwpc!penny From: penny@hlwpc.UUCP (P. Blaine) Newsgroups: net.jokes Subject: The Incomplete and Abridged Computer Term Lexicon Message-ID: <470@hlwpc.UUCP> Date: Mon, 21-Jan-85 14:24:33 EST Article-I.D.: hlwpc.470 Posted: Mon Jan 21 14:24:33 1985 Date-Received: Tue, 22-Jan-85 06:21:34 EST Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories, Short Hills, NJ Lines: 98 This was being passed around the office and received quite a few chuckles - so I thought I'd pass it along. Analog - hors d'oeuvre, usually made with cheese and covered with crushed nuts. Served at all staff parties. Apple - Typically a device used to seduce men. Usually equipped with display screens and/or worms. Bar Chart - A list of places to go when it's Miller time. Binary - Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes. Bipolar - Refers to someone who has homes in Nome, Alaska, and Buffalo, New York Bit - Similar to a nibble. Commonly eight nibbles to a mouthful. (See byte). BPI - a 1960's term used to describe unmentionable parts of the anatomy, as in "you bet your bpi". Bubble Memory - a derogatory term, usually referring to a person's intelligence. See also "vacuum tube". Bug - small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls. Byte - a mouthful, as in "How many bytes in a Big Mac?" CPU - a juvenile way of telling your dog he missed the paper. Character Density - the number of very weird people in the office. Chip - Any number of small crunchy objects often served with onion dip. Code - virus lasting about three to five days, accompanied by sore throat, runny nose and fever. Command - statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control. Compile - a heap of decomposing vegetable matter. Conversational Mode - describes the typicall office the day after a major sporting event. CRT - a movie about a little alien who forgets his telephone number and must write home. Cursor - an expert in four-letter words. Debug - the act of placing shoe leather against a small creeping creature. Downtime - coffee breaks, lunch, or Friday mentality in the office. Dump - the EPA's answer to health. Error - something only humans can commit. FIFO - common name for a dog. Hardware - typically boots, leather and chains. Contrast with software. Interface - the opposite of "getouttamyface". K - A term used in employment ads to disguise how much they are really willing to pay. Megahertz - a very large car rental company. Network - the occupation of a fisherman. On Line - a statement shouted at tennis judges in response to serves being called out. Program - what commercials try to do to us. RAM - a male sheep. Real Time - here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there and then. ROM - a RAM after a delicate operation. Semi-Conductor - a person hired to lead an orchestra before he has graduated from director's school. Software - typically silk nighties, nylons, garter belts. Contrast with hardware. Terminal - what most people have to be before consenting to see a doctor. Vacuum Tube - a derogatory term - see "bubble memory".