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From: walt2@ihuxl.UUCP (Walt Kurszewski)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: 40/20 club
Message-ID: <1476@ihuxl.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 9-Jan-85 13:49:36 EST
Article-I.D.: ihuxl.1476
Posted: Wed Jan  9 13:49:36 1985
Date-Received: Fri, 11-Jan-85 08:03:43 EST
Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL
Lines: 56


[I'm going to get hammered for this one, but what the hell.]

In response to the 40/20 club where 40 = age and 20 = years married
before the relationship ends:

There was a reply asking netlanders to take it easy on 40/20ers.
I don't think anyone is going to attack a 40/20er.  Anyone whos ever
broken up with an SO knows the pain and to spend 20 years with someone
would only increase the pain.  I can't say that I understand the pain
a 40/20er goes through, but I've been a 21/3er (though not married).

There is no magic cure.  Time helps fade pain but I don't know if the
pain ever really goes away.  You've just got to go on.

One reply was from a 30/10er.  It seems there's something common here.
40 - 20 = 20 and 30 - 10 = 20 (looks like I should have been a math
major!).  Is 20 too young to get married?  I'm almost 23 and when I
think back to when I was 20, I realize I've matured tremendously since
then.  I've learned to accept myself, responsibility, and how to
better handle relationships with others.  Hindsight tells me that
if I'd gotten married at 20 it would have been a mistake.

My old high school football coach (not God, but I respected his opinion)
told me a good rule to follow is not to get married until you're at
least 25 and not to have children until you've been married at least
2 years.  The reason for waiting to have children is that it's tough
enough adjusting to each other without the responsibility that comes
with little people.

Others I've talked to agree that until you're 25 you're still growing
emotionally.  You'll always be growing emotionally, but from 13 to 25
it seems to be more rapid.  Maybe it's because you may not have
experienced that first job or haven't been "on your own".  As Dad
puts it, "You need to paddle your own canoe".  I think the danger
lies in growing apart too fast to do anything about it or not growing
up at all.

Maybe another problem is marrying the first person you've ever loved/
kissed/been close to.  Not having anything to compare to makes shopping
for a good match a little difficult.  Maybe having scratched before
would eliminate the 7-year itch.

Speaking of itches, a friend of mine got married about a year and a
half ago.  I asked him how thing were going.  He replied, "Well, at
least I get something every night."  I didn't know whether to laugh
or cry.  Do people really get married for sex?  Do people confuse
sex with love?

PLEASE keep in mind that I'm only kicking around off-the-wall ideas
here and am in no way suggesting that getting married at 20 is the
cause of any relationship ending.  I only know that it would have
been a mistake for me.

Walt Kurszewski
ihnp4!ihuxl!walt2