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From: hollombe@ttidcc.UUCP (Jerry Hollombe)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: what is love?
Message-ID: <177@ttidcc.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 2-Jan-85 14:30:32 EST
Article-I.D.: ttidcc.177
Posted: Wed Jan  2 14:30:32 1985
Date-Received: Mon, 7-Jan-85 01:47:47 EST
Organization: TTI, Santa Monica, CA.
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>From: chuqui@nsc.UUCP (Chuqui Q. Koala)
>Subject: what is love?
>Message-ID: <2139@nsc.UUCP>
>
>Here is an interesting question for the people of the net: 'What is love?'
>What does 'being in love' mean to you, if there is any difference at all?
>How do you tell if you are in love?  What does 'love' mean to you?

Hmmm ... Not a simple question, but I'll take a crack at it.

For years now, I've made a strong distinction  between  "loving"  (a  human
necessity) and "being in love" (a disease of the mind).  There are a number
of people in the world who I love, i.e.: care about, enjoy  their  company,
miss when they're not around.  At the moment, as for some years past, there
is no one I'm in love with, i.e.: losing  sleep  over,  making  a  fool  of
myself over, attempting to reshape my life or self for, or any of the other
damnfool things one does when  in  love  and  later  wonders  at  from  the
perspective of regained sanity.

"Being in love" occasionally seems to work for others, for a time,  if  two
people  happen  to  be  in  love  with  each  other.  My  experience  (from
observation) is these relationships frequently break up acrimoniously  when
one  or  the  other  party  falls  out of love and there is nothing else to
sustain them.

Notice I've made no mention of sex in  any  of  the  above  definitions.  I
don't  equate  sex  with any form of love.  Presence or absence of love may
influence the quality of sex (and vice  versa),  but  they  are  definitely
separate phenomena.

The main problem I've had with distinguishing  types  of  love  is  getting
others  to  understand  what I'm talking about.  This seems especially true
with women. (No offense  meant,  ladies.  Perhaps  some  of  you  have  had
similar  problems  with  men?) Not surprisingly, if a woman is in love with
me, she usually doesn't want to hear about how I love her but I'm  not  "in
love  with" her -- a sticky situation at best.  By and large, I've found it
best to avoid the use of the word "love" in a relationship where this might
be  the  case.  It  may  not  make  it  any  less  sticky,  but at least my
conscience knows I've said nothing to give a false impression.

The misuse of the word "love" has probably caused almost as much  grief  in
the world as the belief in telepathy.

-- 
The Polymath
(Jerry Hollombe)                  Opinions expressed here are my own
Transaction Technology, Inc.      and unrelated to anyone else's.
3100 Ocean Park Blvd.
Santa Monica, CA  90405
United States
(213) 450-9111, ext. 2483
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