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From: woods@hao.UUCP (Greg Woods)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: independence-dependence cycles
Message-ID: <1337@hao.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 15-Jan-85 16:24:15 EST
Article-I.D.: hao.1337
Posted: Tue Jan 15 16:24:15 1985
Date-Received: Fri, 18-Jan-85 01:41:59 EST
References: <959@watcgl.UUCP>
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Organization: High Altitude Obs./NCAR, Boulder CO
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> = Dave Martindale (dmmartindale@watcgl.UUCP)

> I like communicating with people very openly, so I start
> dropping my defenses.  I get to know these people well, and come to like
> them.  I get used to having them around, and like that.  

   Good. This is what works in life, as your own situation clearly demonstrates.
Nothing like a little sharing of yourself to make people feel close to you.

> At this point,
> I am quite vulnerable to what other people think of me.  I *need* other
> people's approval.  I become used to having people to talk to when I am
> upset, instead of dealing with it alone.  In essence, I become "dependent"
> on other people.  But as long as the relationships are working well, I'm
> quite happy.  The closer the relationships, and the more I feel valued by
> the other people, the happier I feel.

   This is the part that doesn't work. Either you like yourself or you don't.
Don't be dependent on others approval for your self-image. This is the Jeff
Sargent syndrome, and his apparent unhappiness demonstrates that this does
*not* work in life. Dependence is the key word here. The need for approval
is inside your own head. You should see that you are still the same person
that got close to these people in the first place. My recommendation to break
the cycle is to just continue to do what worked for you in the first place:
share yourself with others. That seems to be what started the "good" phase
of your cycle. If some of your relationships "fail", fine, accept that, and
find different people to share yourself with. What worked with this group of
people is likely to work with someone else as well.

--Greg
-- 
{ucbvax!hplabs | allegra!nbires | decvax!stcvax | harpo!seismo | ihnp4!stcvax}
       		        !hao!woods
   
     "...sometimes the light's all shining on me;
	 other times I can barely see..."