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From: jam@ho95b.UUCP (Joe Malecki)
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: How to discipline short of spanking
Message-ID: <286@ho95b.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 2-Jan-85 14:46:17 EST
Article-I.D.: ho95b.286
Posted: Wed Jan  2 14:46:17 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 3-Jan-85 04:23:35 EST
Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ
Lines: 48

We have a little girl who is now 2 years, 3 months old.  She has a will
of iron.  The problem we have usually occurs at bedtime and nap time
when we want her to go to sleep, but the issue of getting her to do
something she doesn't want to do is a general one.

At bed/naptime, she tries anything in order to get out of going
to sleep. She is very verbal, and is the best negotiator I have ever
met.  Well, we decided we can't let a two-year old tell us when she is
going to bed, so we inform her that she is going anyway.  Screaming is
the usual reply.  We tell her that she doesn't have to sleep, that she
can read books, play with toys, or whatever, as long as she stays in
bed. She will have no part of going to bed, preferring instead to stay
with Mommy and Daddy (nothing wrong with that, really, but she DOES
need to sleep sometime).

We read books endlessly to her sometimes, and then she will stay in her
bed, but if we leave, the screaming begins.  After one night when we
continuously put her back in bed as soon as she crawled out screaming,
(this going on for a solid hour) she doesn't dare get out of bed.
But she sits at the foot screaming, crying, pleading, demanding, etc.
continuously.

The situation is now similar to our general discipline problem.  When
we send her to her room because we've tried everything short of
hitting her, she refuses to stay in the room, and screams and yells.
She tries to force her way out of the room, and a couple of times
we've closed the door on her (which tears me up to do that, but we're
at our wits' end.)  If we don't lock her in, she just gets 
out of the room, and hasn't been disciplined. If we let
her sit on the edge of the bed screaming, she is also pretty much getting
her own way.


We've been told by many people that a good spanking is what she needs.
But the couple of times we've reluctantly done so, she tells us,
"Don't hit me.  You shouldn't hit me!" which is precisely what we tell
her when she hits us. It's tough to argue with that.

Does anybody have any suggestions, anecdotes, etc., which might be of
help?


Joe Malecki
AT&T Bell Laboratories
Room 4K-223
Holmdel, NJ 07733
201-949-4847
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