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From: rwh@aesat.UUCP (Russ Herman)
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Spanking, good vs bad
Message-ID: <322@aesat.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 13-Jan-85 10:01:43 EST
Article-I.D.: aesat.322
Posted: Sun Jan 13 10:01:43 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 13-Jan-85 12:12:45 EST
Organization: AES Data Inc., Mississauga, Ont., CANADA L5N 3C9
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I too am somewhat surprised at the generally pro-spanking position of the net.
I can't speak for other people's kids, but my little guy has never been
physically (I agree with whoever posted the comment about non-physical)
spanked. Ever since he was about two, all I had to do is look
at him in an angry tone and he'd cry. I'm not sure whether he's more
sensitive than some kids, or if it's *because* we've never spanked.
That is saved for things like defiantly running out into traffic, sticking
fingers in wall sockets, and reaching for things on the stove. While each
of these has happenned once or twice, they have never been done defiantly,
and training was successful without this last-resort measure.

By the way, if you're a pre-parent who is considering a non-spanking
approach, don't be suprised when, in spite of it, your kid decides to
hit you. It seems to be instinctive. We've got ours pretty well trained to
punch a pillow or the couch rather than us or throwing things (still does
the latter occasionally). One of the things I wonder about is whether, having
begun using spanking, a family can retreat from it, particularly with young
children. My gut reaction is that you can't - it's a bit like using nuclear
weapons.

Another stylistic difference in parenting I notice is this discussion of
"good" vs. "bad". Frankly, I don't believe in that distinction (not to
say I don't between "good" and "evil", but that's another topic...).
The labels I use for Joel's behavior are "nice" and "not nice". Now I
realize that the subtleties of "good" vs. "nice" are lost on a 3 year old.
However, as we grow older, we reinterpret the recalled words and actions
of our parents. When he can make the distinction, I want him to realize
what I was saying.

An aside: children's cognition isn't anything like adults'. The
		Do good boys/girls do X?
		Did you do X?
		Are you a good boy/girl?
sequence does not produce the expected result. Read Piaget or one of his
explainers (I never could get thru the original writings!) for further
insights.
-- 
  ______			Russ Herman
 /      \			{allegra,ihnp4,linus,decvax}!utzoo!aesat!rwh
@( ?  ? )@			
 (  ||  )			The opinions above are strictly personal, and 
 ( \__/ )			do not reflect those of my employer (or even
  \____/			possibly myself an hour from now.)