Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/5/84; site uwmacc.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!allegra!bellcore!decvax!genrad!teddy!panda!talcott!harvard!seismo!uwvax!uwmacc!dubois From: dubois@uwmacc.UUCP (Paul DuBois) Newsgroups: net.kids Subject: Re: How to discipline short of spanking Message-ID: <668@uwmacc.UUCP> Date: Mon, 14-Jan-85 17:59:05 EST Article-I.D.: uwmacc.668 Posted: Mon Jan 14 17:59:05 1985 Date-Received: Thu, 17-Jan-85 03:44:13 EST References: <286@ho95b.UUCP> <911@ihuxb.UUCP> <121@v1.UUCP> <1587@ittvax.UUCP> Organization: UW-Madison Primate Center Lines: 34 > To make my position explicit, I am opposed to spanking. I don't believe > spanking is good for raising children. I don't see how it could avoid > encouraging violence. The occasional use of spanking must be tempered > with copious amounts of love (if violence has to be resorted to at all). > ... > > This makes sense to me. What about the bad associations of being hit at > all, though? ... > > Doesn't this tell you something? (You imply below you don't think kids > are inherently "mean".) You think there is meanness in screaming in bed. > Doesn't your child think there is meanness in your hitting her? What > are her choices in this kind of situation? She can do exactly what you > tell her meekly, or she can oppose you in the only way she currently > knows. What will happen when she grows up? She'll have learned to do > what she is told, or she'll learn more extreme ways of opposing you. > Would you like either of those? You're not being mean by spanking, though. At least, I hope not! If we spank just because we're mad, then the child knows that. But we need not do so, and indeed ought not to do so. If a child hits me, it's because of anger (almost always). I am not going to spank for that reason, but for the *child's* welfare. I do not believe this causes resentment, because kids aren't dumb, they'll sense why they're being disciplined (although it's definitely best to explain it explicitly as well, of course). Spanking != violence. (can be, but that's abuse, not discipline) -- Paul DuBois {allegra,ihnp4,seismo}!uwvax!uwmacc!dubois | "And the streets shall be full of boys and girls playing --+-- in the streets thereof..." | Zechariah 8:5 |