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From: dubois@uwmacc.UUCP (Paul DuBois)
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Re: How to discipline short of spanking
Message-ID: <668@uwmacc.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 14-Jan-85 17:59:05 EST
Article-I.D.: uwmacc.668
Posted: Mon Jan 14 17:59:05 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 17-Jan-85 03:44:13 EST
References: <286@ho95b.UUCP> <911@ihuxb.UUCP> <121@v1.UUCP> <1587@ittvax.UUCP>
Organization: UW-Madison Primate Center
Lines: 34

> To make my position explicit, I am opposed to spanking.  I don't believe
> spanking is good for raising children.  I don't see how it could avoid
> encouraging violence.  The occasional use of spanking must be tempered
> with copious amounts of love (if violence has to be resorted to at all).
> ...
>
> This makes sense to me.  What about the bad associations of being hit at
> all, though? ...
>
> Doesn't this tell you something?  (You imply below you don't think kids
> are inherently "mean".)  You think there is meanness in screaming in bed.
> Doesn't your child think there is meanness in your hitting her?  What
> are her choices in this kind of situation?  She can do exactly what you
> tell her meekly, or she can oppose you in the only way she currently
> knows.  What will happen when she grows up?  She'll have learned to do
> what she is told, or she'll learn more extreme ways of opposing you.
> Would you like either of those?

You're not being mean by spanking, though.  At least, I hope not!
If we spank just because we're mad, then the child knows that.
But we need not do so, and indeed ought not to do so.  If a child
hits me, it's because of anger (almost always).  I am not going
to spank for that reason, but for the *child's* welfare.  I do not
believe this causes resentment, because kids aren't dumb, they'll
sense why they're being disciplined (although it's definitely best
to explain it explicitly as well, of course).

Spanking != violence.	(can be, but that's abuse, not discipline)
-- 
Paul DuBois	  {allegra,ihnp4,seismo}!uwvax!uwmacc!dubois
								    |
"And the streets shall be full of boys and girls playing	  --+--
in the streets thereof..."					    |
				Zechariah 8:5			    |