Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site cyb-eng.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!allegra!bellcore!decvax!genrad!mit-eddie!godot!harvard!seismo!ut-sally!oakhill!cyb-eng!ables From: ables@cyb-eng.UUCP (King Ables) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: more on dating co-workers Message-ID: <485@cyb-eng.UUCP> Date: Mon, 7-Jan-85 13:43:02 EST Article-I.D.: cyb-eng.485 Posted: Mon Jan 7 13:43:02 1985 Date-Received: Fri, 11-Jan-85 06:25:03 EST Organization: Cyb Systems, Austin, TX Lines: 53...it's just one of the few times I've had an experience applicable to the discussion. I'd try to get to be friends first. If you get to be close friends, dates will come up during conversations. You'll know whether there's a reason to risk the embarassment/uncomfortableness of dating (& maybe later not dating) a co-worker. If you still want to, then damn the rumours and the talk. But just going on a date with a co-worker without getting to know her first could be uncomfortable if you decided nothing was to come of it from a few dates...you can find that out by being acquaintances. I think it's a lot easier to get along with a friend than an ex-date (whom you've never known as anything BUT a date). If there's fault with this logic, it could be here, I've always viewed a date as a different kind of acquaintance than a just a person you meet (here I mean 1st-3rd date or so). The woman I'm seeing now started working where I used to work and we became "good buddies." We had the same interests, went to lunch all the time, etc. After a while, the grapevine started up. We knew it, but it didn't bother either of us much, so we didn't actively try to stop it, the people who knew us well knew the truth and that's all that mattered. Besides, it just meant that they could tell how well we got along together. Then they let their imagination run away with them. I used to say it was too bad we weren't having as much fun as everybody else thought we were. After a while, however, the rumours began to subside as our friends began to straighten out other people. During all this, however, I was having second (and third and forth) thoughts about how hard I was having to work to keep the relationship platonic. We were both of the opinion that we didn't want to date someone we worked with (I have since qualified my opinion on this a little). Fortunately, almost 2 years later, I got another job, and after remaining just friends a little longer (very close by this time), we decided to change the relationship. By this time, I had a real close friend that I hated to risk for anything more, but there have been so many times in my life when I didn't take a risk, that I couldn't pass up another one. So far, everything is great, she's started a new job, too. My only regret is that I waited until outside influences made part of the decision for me. It sounds like we need an opinion from someone who began and ended a relationship with a co-worker all while they were co-working. The articles I've read so far and mine have fairly happy endings or they end after the two people are no longer co-workers. Anybody have a "worst possible case" they're willing to talk about? BTW, Greg, whatever you decide to do, good luck. -King ARPA: ables%cyb-eng.UUCP@ut-sally.ARPA UUCP: ...{ctvax,gatech,ihnp4,nbires,seismo,ucb-vax}!ut-sally!cyb-eng!ables