Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site decwrl.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!decvax!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-vlnvax!schneider From: schneider@vlnvax.DEC Newsgroups: net.jokes Subject: Don't send me to the electric chair for this... Message-ID: <173@decwrl.UUCP> Date: Thu, 10-Jan-85 14:12:00 EST Article-I.D.: decwrl.173 Posted: Thu Jan 10 14:12:00 1985 Date-Received: Mon, 14-Jan-85 19:51:53 EST Sender: daemon@decwrl.UUCP Organization: DEC Engineering Network Lines: 35 There once was an old man who was a train conductor. For his entire career he had been the best conductor for the entire railroad, never having been late once. Now he was approaching retirement, and he was consumed with the idea that he would retire with his perfect record intact. One day he was travelling very close to schedule when he saw an old lady slowly crossing the tracks in front of the train. He realized that stopping for the old lady meant being late so he went right on through, making a mess of the front of the train. He was arrested for murder, went to trial, and was convicted and sentenced to death in the electric chair. Now in this state it was law that if a person didn't die after three miutes in the chair, they were set free. When asked for his last request, the old conductor asked for a banana, and held it in his right hand as they hit the power. After three minutes, he was still alive and thus set free to resume his old job. A few days later he was conducting the train close to schedule again when he saw stuck on the track in front of him a station wagon of nuns. Deciding not to be late, he rammed the wagon. There were nuns everywhere. He was caught, tried and sentenced again, and this time when he was strapped in the chair, he requested four bananas. When they hit the power, he held the bananas in both hands, and after three minutes, nothing. Thus he walked away to conduct again. The day before his retirement, he was again running close to schedule when in front of him sat a bus full of small children. Needless to say, boom, children everywhere. After the trial, sentencing, etc. the conductor was strapped in the chair and requested as many bananas as he could carry. They hit the power, and nothing happened, allowing him to walk off a third time. Do you know why he always survived the electric chair? Because he was a bad conductor. Oh, you ask "Why the bananas?". I just threw them in for appeal. Daniel Schneider ...decvax!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-vlnvax!schneider