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From: charliep@v1.UUCP (Charlie Perkins)
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Re: How to discipline short of spanking
Message-ID: <121@v1.UUCP>
Date: Sat, 5-Jan-85 18:50:43 EST
Article-I.D.: v1.121
Posted: Sat Jan  5 18:50:43 1985
Date-Received: Wed, 9-Jan-85 05:48:57 EST
References: <286@ho95b.UUCP> <911@ihuxb.UUCP>
Organization: IBM Research, Yorktown Heights, N.Y.
Lines: 44

I have to come out in favor of spanking.  We resort to this only
rarely (every month or two) -- and it is usually in response to
some obviously defiant behavior.  Since our first line of discipline
is sending our daughter to bed, spanking usually happens there, too.
We try to overcome the bad associations of bed by reading stories, etc. there.
Someone mentioned that screaming was their daughter's right.  I think
there is merit to this idea, but when I want to sleep, I cannot
allow our daughter to scream on and on.  Besides which, I really
think that she sometimes is crying out of meanness.  So, if sending
to bed does not work, and screaming persists, a spanking is first
threatened and (if necessary) carried out.

My wife was until recently a preschool teacher, and she is convinced
that one of the things that would have been most helpful for the
kids is an occasional spanking!  Really, the things she told me would
make you want to spank the kids too -- like when they come to her and
kick her on the shins.  If you knew my wife, you would know that she
is sinfully meek, so that I am sure she does not provoke such attacks.

{ Aside: BE SURE to check out sanitary conditions, toys, and other stuff
	if you decide to place your child in a preschool.  There are
	such schools that are poorly managed and dangerous for children.
	The danger can be either physical or emotional; for instance,
	a rowdy class might encourage your child to pick up bad
	habits, and an unsanitary school can send your child to the
	hospital with meningitis or something. }

I agree with the parent who said that discipline should be used
sparingly.  For us, usually an explanation or a warning will be all
that is required.  But (and this has been a surprise of sorts for me)
kids AREN'T always rational!  And, I really agree with everyone who
mentioned that empty threats (of whatever nature) are damaging to
the parent-child relationship.

My mind is still open though.  I'd really like to hear about methods
of discipline that REALLY work as alternatives to spanking.  I would
much prefer to remove that technique from my repertoire.  I cannot help
but believe that children build up resentment somewhere after they
have been spanked -- or else that they think they are intrinsically
bad.
-- 

Charlie Perkins, IBM T.J. Watson Research
philabs!v1!charliep,  perk%YKTVMX.BITNET@berkeley,  perk.yktvmx.ibm@csnet-relay