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Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/17/84 chuqui version 1.7 9/23/84; site nsc.UUCP
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From: chuqui@nsc.UUCP (Chuqui Q. Koala)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: failure of the American Dream (oh, jeff.... *sigh*)
Message-ID: <2178@nsc.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 9-Jan-85 00:52:00 EST
Article-I.D.: nsc.2178
Posted: Wed Jan  9 00:52:00 1985
Date-Received: Fri, 11-Jan-85 06:51:16 EST
References: <2753@ncsu.UUCP>
Reply-To: chuqui@nsc.UUCP (Chuqui Q. Koala)
Organization: The Warlocks Cave
Lines: 91
Summary: 

>> Look upon me!  You are seeing the failure of the 1980's version of the
>> American Dream!
>> -- Jeff Sargent (who else?)

Oh I dunno. Ken Arndt, perhaps? Me? Mahatma Ghandi? St. Peter? 

>	Oh, Bullshit!
>
>	-- druid / daveh --  (short and to the point)

Thanks, I couldn't have said it better myself. In fact, I wish I HAD said
it. Next time, I might claim I did... *grin*

Jeff, the ONLY person who sees you as a loser is the person who looks out
of the mirror while you brush your teeth in the morning. You have already
decided that you are a lost cause, and that is the worst kind of
self-fufilling prophecy. Pulling a little history out of the group, you
have spent the last N months saying things that took LOTS of guts about
yourself. You have opened yourself to ridicule, flaming, funny looks,
rubber chickens in the mail, and the rabid hatred of all intolerant asses
and other wondrous idiots of the net. That takes guts, courage, and a deep
seated wish to help yourself, and shows that somewhere in there is a really
neat person trying to work himself out into the open. The real problem you
have is not that you are a failure, but you perceive yourself to be a
failure. You have gotten a lot of good advice here on the net, in your
mail, and from the people around you. As far as I can tell, you have never
really done anything WITH any of that advice-- all I have seen coming back
from you is 'I'm a loser, this is why that won't work'. Well, you haven't
tried it, so I can't see how you know it will fail. By inventing failures
before doing anything you curse yourself to a continued hell of lack of
self-image-- you may well try something and fail, but you will learn from
the failure. You also won't DIE from the failure, either, and that
realization makes future failures a little easier, and eventually you will
learn enough from your failures that something will succeed. Then you will
probably die, simply because your body will go into shock from the suprise
of success and have a heart attack or something... (*grin*). It is, of
course, much more likely that you will get hit by a bus or fall down in
your shower, so you might as well stay in bed (but don't smoke!) and stop
taking baths.

Let me try to put this into perspectives, by defining what a REAL loser is,
in terms of what you AREN'T.

A real loser doesn't open his greatest fears to his friends, much less a
group of random people, some of which are openly hostile to him. He hides
himself away, rather than risk himself to ridicule or attention.

A real loser doesn't bring insight into discussions with other people. He
stays quietly in a corner, afraid of controversy, the limelight, and the
fear of failure keeps him from the satisfaction of success.

A real loser doesn't help his friends. Your openness on the net has not
only helped others bring perspective (and solutions) into their own
problems, but your willingness to bare your naked ego to the net has also
helped other people who don't have your courage open themselves up to the
rest of us. A real loser would sit back and wallow in his own pain,
quietly. Believe it or nor, Jeff, you have helped a number of people out
there, simply by being you. 

A real loser would have given up a long time ago, if he had ever started.

See, Jeff, you aren't a loser, you just haven't found the right
combination of things to prove to yourself that you are a winner. I've seen
a number of occasions where you have asked for help out there, gotten
various suggestions, and backed off for fear of that first step. A natural
fear, not a losers fear. The first step is the hardest, but isn't it about
time you took it?

Jeff, why is it that the only person on this net that DOESN'T see the
goodness in you is you? Have you tried windex on your mirror recently?

Suggestion:
    Have you considered volunteer work? I'm sure a roaring metropolis like
    Lafayette (I've been there-- it is bigger than you admit to!) has
    something like a crisis hot line, suicide prevention center, or some
    other situation where they always need volunteers. Volunteers in those
    places usually go through a training/counselling session to learn how
    to deal with and help the people that call up. This not only will help
    you learn about others problems, but might help put some of your own
    into perspective. Volunteering on one of those lines will not only give
    you the opportunity to help other people (and see what kind of problems
    THEY have-- you are by no means unique, and many people deal with them
    less well than you do) but the proof that you can actually help others
    can do wonders for your own images. Try it. What do you have to lose?

    chuq
-- 
From the ministry of silly talks:		Chuq Von Rospach
{allegra,cbosgd,decwrl,hplabs,ihnp4,seismo}!nsc!chuqui  nsc!chuqui@decwrl.ARPA

Now look here Mister "I'm not just a word processor"...