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From: earl@tymix.UUCP (A. Christie Earl)
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Re: How to discipline short of spanking
Message-ID: <348@tymix.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 9-Jan-85 13:46:27 EST
Article-I.D.: tymix.348
Posted: Wed Jan  9 13:46:27 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 12-Jan-85 01:22:15 EST
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Organization: Tymnet Inc., Cupertino CA
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> 
> My mind is still open though.  I'd really like to hear about methods
> of discipline that REALLY work as alternatives to spanking.  I would
> much prefer to remove that technique from my repertoire.  I cannot help
> but believe that children build up resentment somewhere after they
> have been spanked -- or else that they think they are intrinsically
> bad.
> 
> Charlie Perkins, IBM T.J. Watson Research

I have a daughter who just turned 12.  Jennifer is very bright and is 
a child who ALWAYS tests authority.  (I believe her motto in life must
be 'QUESTION AUTHORITY')  I've tried many ways of discipline, including
spanking (I HATE spanking)  I've had the best results with consistancy
(teachers, etc, using the same methods), Timeout methods, Reward System
and Natural consequences.  I agree that discipline should be used sparingly.
I also believe that results are best if you can discipline without alot
of drama and emotion.   Do it, get it over with, and don't dwell on it.
I've seen people ruin a kids whole day because of spilled milk at the
breakfast table.

Jennifer was once in an afterschool care program that had the best discipline
system I've ever seen, and a quite effective one.  If you misbehaved:
first occurance: Name on the board
second thru fourth occurance: checkmark and 5 minutes timeout
fifth occurance: Note home to parents
Those are per day occurances, and I'd imagine getting checkmarks
is a pretty horrible thing.  The kids all know the rules beforehand
and know exactly what to expect.  They are always carried out.

On the other hand, they would go around and give kids warm fuzzies 
for just doing what they were supposed to be doing.  Children
quietly coloring during coloring time would be given a 'raffle ticket'
with their name on it.  I think you get an extra one for not having 
you name on the board at the end of the day.  Then I believe there would 
be a weekly raffle of several prizes.  The more you'd been good, the better
your chances of winning things like a face painting, or having your
polaroid picture taken, or some little thing like that.  Seems to 
me that you could also save up your tickets over a week and 'buy'
priviliges.  This program was used more for the Preschool thru Third
grade ages, although I believe it could be easily modified for 
use with the younger ones.

Jennifer is now doing quite well.  Whether she outgrew the problems,
or she realized that being 'good' is in her best interest, I don't
know.  But I believe these methods (especially timeout) helped
us over the rough spots.  

Children want to know what the limits and boundries are. As a parent
prividing those limits is the loving thing to do.  Two year olds are
defiant, and I agree, parents don't live by the same rules.  You don't
have to be buddies, but be loving and show your love to your children.

Well, I hope that helps.
-- 


                      -Christie Earl
		      {...sun!ios ...hplabs|fortune!oliveb}!tymix!earl

  186,000 miles per second.  It's not just a good idea...
      It's the law!!