Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site utcsrgv.UUCP
Path: utzoo!utcsrgv!west
From: west@utcsrgv.UUCP (Thomas L. West)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: wearing rings
Message-ID: <648@utcsrgv.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 10-Jan-85 04:28:50 EST
Article-I.D.: utcsrgv.648
Posted: Thu Jan 10 04:28:50 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 10-Jan-85 04:42:17 EST
References: <954@utastro.UUCP> <902@dual.UUCP> <646@utcsrgv.UUCP>
Reply-To: west@utcsrgv.UUCP (Thomas L. West)
Distribution: net
Organization: CSRI, University of Toronto
Lines: 104
Summary: 

In article <646@utcsrgv.UUCP> ray@utcsrgv.UUCP (Raymond Allen) writes:
>	1)  How many of you single people out there actually try
>	    to acquaint yourselves with people that you would assume
>	    are married (I'm talking socially, of course)?
>
>	    I have found very few single people who would not prefer
>	    having single friends as opposed to married ones.  Given
>	    the situation that Helen discusses (person out socially,
>	    prospective introductor is single and looking for someone
>	    to talk to) I think that it is natural for a single person
>	    to seek out other single people.  Us single types have
>	    more in common with each other than with married people
>	    IN A GENERAL SENSE ONLY.

I would put it a little more precisely.  I doubt that somebody heavily
involved with somebody else (=married) has a lot of time to spare to
talk or debate or time-waste in whatever way.  I find that (naturally)
when people acquire an SO, their spare time goes WAY down with everyone 
else, hence I will tend to look towards unattached people when getting
to know people so that if it turns out the person is quite interesting,
it's likely that time can be wasted by both of us on a hobby, topic
of discussion or whatever.  Note that this is completely irrespective of 
the sex of the introducer or introduced.

>	2)  Helen states that "A real friend won't be put
>	    off by the probability that the relationship will not
>	    go farther than 'just' a friendship."  This is essentially
>	    true.  The problem is that she is talking about a situation
>	    where there are two people who do not know each other
>	    and where one of them is thinking of introducing him/herself
>	    to the other.  HOW THE H*** CAN YOU DECIDE IF YOU ARE A
>	    "REAL FRIEND" TO SOMEONE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW YET???????!

Again, I would put it another way.  I enjoy spending time with friends.
Given a choice between people I can spend time with and those who I will 
be able to spend much less time with, I'll start with the person who I can
spend more time with.  If that person is interesting, I get more out of it,
so why shouldn't I start with the person with time available.

>	    The raw fact of the situation is that if you are in a
>	    place where the majority of people don't know each other
>	    and people are introducing themselves to others, then they
>	    probably ARE "on the make", looking for a SO, etc, etc, etc.

WHAT? Garbage!  When I join a group of strangers, I am looking for somebody
having the same interests as myself or somebody with opposing views who is
willing to defend themselves!  I strongly doubt that looking for an SO is
foremost on most people's minds when meeting a new group.

>	    If I want to talk to friends, I pick up the phone and call
>	    them.  Anyone who claims to frequent social places (especially
>	    bars and discos) and insists that s/he is looking for friends
>	    is either (a) lying, or (b) entitled to the Jesus Christ
>	    award for mortal and spiritual purity.  I suppose there is
>	    also (c) and (d) wants a drink or enjoys the atmosphere but
>	    this is not likely to be true of many single people who
>	    FREQUENT such places.  At least (c) and/or (d) aren't likely
>	    to be the only reasons.

Define social places.  I consider most of the University a 'social place',
and am happy to be there for reason (e) to meet people of similar
interests (make friends, I guess) or (f) to find a good debate.  This
idea that people pursue the opposite sex with all available resources
and time when freed from work is a bit ridiculous.  SOs
may develop from friendship, but you can't tell me that people go out
specifically with that in mind.
  Then again, if one is only including bars and dancing facilities, you 
might be correct.  I would assume that people going there like dancing (or
or drinking :-)) and would be looking for people of other similar interests.
That's the way it works for 'social places' outside bars and discos, anyway.
In my opinion, terminal sites at three in the morning while waiting for long
compiles is a social place.  What better time to strike up a conversation
and get to know someone?  I would consider that a 'social place'.  Medals
for mortal(sic) purity?  Come off it.  SOs are only SOs, but friends are
a lot of fun for (probably) a lot longer.  (Unless, as is ideal, one's
SO is one's friend, although I can't see that happening if one is going
trawling for SOs).
  Spiritual purity?  Hah.  I go for maximizing my happiness.  Friends every
time.  If it happens to grow to something greater, then even better.  If it
doesn't, it's a whole lot of fun anyway.

>	Enough long-windedness.  Helen, personally, I think you have a
>terrible attitude towards other people (read: MEN).  You should be
>flattered by these "pestering morons" who consider you attractive
>enough to want to get to know you.  (OK OK you probably want to be
>respected for more than your appearance, but what other criteria
>is apparant to people who are in such situations?)  Try to have
>respect for the imperfections of others.

Good grief, you really have gone off track (in my opinion).  If she is truly
accosted by men who aren't interested in being a friend, then I can see
wanting to get rid of them any way possible.  What is she going to get out
of it?  Not friendship, and if she's not interested in acquiring an SO at
that moment, or more likely, not interested in acquiring an SO without 
being a friend as well, then I don't blame her for finding the men a pest.
  A terrible attitude?  Well, if there really are many men trawling for
SOs, the attitude *is* well founded. (I find it hard to believe, but I
 might move in the wrong circles.)

>			Ray Allen         (at utcsrgv)

Me.  
Tom West
 { allegra cornell decvax ihnp4 linus utzoo }!utcsrgv!west