Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site watcgl.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!watcgl!dmmartindale From: dmmartindale@watcgl.UUCP (Dave Martindale) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: wearing rings (really men shopping for wives) Message-ID: <861@watcgl.UUCP> Date: Thu, 27-Dec-84 00:47:47 EST Article-I.D.: watcgl.861 Posted: Thu Dec 27 00:47:47 1984 Date-Received: Thu, 27-Dec-84 03:45:49 EST References: <954@utastro.UUCP> Reply-To: dmmartindale@watcgl.UUCP (Dave Martindale) Organization: U of Waterloo, Ontario Lines: 37 In article <954@utastro.UUCP> mjs@utastro.UUCP (Pooh @ Across the Eighth Dimension) writes: > >Which brings up another poll question: > >I have dated men in the past who were actively shopping >for wives. Whenever I did something they liked, I could see >them making a mental checkmark on some list; conversely, and >most irritatingly, when I did something they DIDN'T like, >I could see a little mental "x" going on the list. In >some cases, the man was only willing to continue the relationship >with me until he decided whether I was The One he wanted to >marry. If the answer was no, it seemed that he no longer >wanted to waste time being involved with me. > >Needless to say, this is not my attitude towards relationships, >and I feel hurt when this is done. Has this happened to >other people too? (Of both sexes; I'm sure that some women >have been guilty of this too.) Yes, this has happened to me - twice. In one case, the woman was definitely looking for a husband (she was already 22 and not yet married!). In the other, I don't think she was looking for marriage, necessarily, but she definitely wanted more than a friendship. Unfortunately, I tend to want to get to know people as friends first, and only become romantically interested after I've known them a while. In both of the above cases, when the women discovered that I wasn't immediately interested in whatever it was they were interested in, or perhaps that I simply wasn't sufficently close to what they wanted in any case, they didn't seem to want to get to know me as a friend. Yes, it hurt. And I think your explanation is the right one - they were interested in finding a specific sort of relationship, and felt like they were somehow "running out of time" and just didn't want to "waste time" on relationships which weren't going to accomplish that goal. I console myself by telling myself that we really wouldn't have gotten along very well anyway, which is likely true.