Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site hou5g.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxn!mhuxj!houxm!vax135!ariel!hou4b!hou5f!hou5e!hou5d!hou5a!hou5h!hou5g!jdh From: jdh@hou5g.UUCP (Julia Harper) Newsgroups: net.women Subject: crre: crossing streets Message-ID: <477@hou5g.UUCP> Date: Fri, 14-Dec-84 10:26:13 EST Article-I.D.: hou5g.477 Posted: Fri Dec 14 10:26:13 1984 Date-Received: Sat, 15-Dec-84 02:39:59 EST Organization: AT&T Information Systems Laboratories, Holmdel, NJ Lines: 70 > > It's impractical to expect men in general to cater to your fears. >I have a better suggestion; better because it's practical, and within >your power to carry out without cooperation from others: *you* cross >the street to avoid *him* (wasn't that easy?). I'm shocked at the responses I've seen to the suggestion of men doing something to alleviate apprehension in women. I'm sure we women all know the option of crossing the street is open to us. So also is the option of not going out in the street, or walking angrily toward our potential assailant/harasser. These are things we women can do to protect themselves from harm/harassment on the streets. But I am suggesting something that you, a man, can do to make the world a nicer place for a woman -- even a woman you don't know. This suggestion was made in good faith. I don't think it's difficult, I do think it is a gift that men can give women. Yet every (just about) response by a man has been to tell women that he will do nothing, and that all responsibility should lie in her hands. In the reponses I've seen, men are so offended/angered by the suggestion that their presence ever makes a woman uncomfortable, that they (revengefully) end up suggesting that women must be paranoid... Remember, this is a street we're talking about. I can't believe that there aren't any men out there that, knowing the apprehension women feel about man(men) coming toward them, want to do something to alleviate that fear. This is a chance for you, a man, to do something concrete. Do this instead of opening doors for women. > Constant anger is not much fun, and hard on the body, as well. >Anger in an actual attack can be helpful, but using anger to ward off >potential attacks is really just a variant of the "stay indoors" >solution for rape. It advises you to build walls that reduce your contact >with a dangerous world. I await better solutions. You're right, constant anger is NOT much fun, but it's more fun than fear. Anger DOES ward off potential attacks. I also await better solutions to the problems faced by women. But in the meantime, we must come up with solutions that we, personally, can implement. As noted by you earlier, you are not willing to alleviate our apprehension by even so simple an action as crossing the street. I get the feeling you think this apprehension is totally unrealistic, hysterical, typical of the emotional overreaction to a situation so typical of women. You don't seem to understand that the streets are threatening and dangerous. Constant cat calls by men to women don't improve the situation. We women are tossed between two lines of attack regarding our recognition of this danger. First, we are told that we are paranoid, that our fear is unreasonalbe. Then, if something happens, we are told that it was our own fault, that it was something we did or didn't do right. The way for us women to overcome our fear is NOT to deny it, but to admit it, confront it, and confront men who make us fearful in situations that are not life-threatening. We should bind together. I am not hysterical. I am sometimes fearful. I am not ashamed of being fearful. I have ways of dealing with my fear. I have concrete actions I take to help alleviate my fear. It is right and good that women look to themselves for support and actions to control their own lives. But my suggestion HERE is something that a MAN can do to improve the situation for WOMEN. If you have a different suggestion about what a man can do, please make it. Again, if you (anyone) has other concrete suggestions as to how a typical man (a friend of yours) could help make women in general less apprehensive, please feel free to suggest it. Julia Harper