Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site islenet.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!allegra!mit-eddie!genrad!decvax!ittvax!dcdwest!sdcsvax!noscvax!uhpgvax!islenet!bob From: bob@islenet.UUCP (Robert P. Cunningham) Newsgroups: net.followup,net.jokes Subject: Re: Lets get 1600 Penn. Ave on the net. (spoof) Message-ID: <853@islenet.UUCP> Date: Wed, 19-Dec-84 14:50:34 EST Article-I.D.: islenet.853 Posted: Wed Dec 19 14:50:34 1984 Date-Received: Fri, 21-Dec-84 07:42:26 EST References: <330@stcvax.UUCP> <210@calmasd.UUCP> <509@uwmacc.UUCP> Organization: Hawaii Institute of Geophysics Lines: 167 Xref: watmath net.followup:4299 net.jokes:10031 [with apologies to Kevin Throop] Most of you have seen occasional future-dated mail and news articles occasionally showing up thru uucp -- the so-called "time warp" bug/feature. While cleaning out the /usr/spool/uucp directory here the other day, I discovered some future-dated mail reply messages with an intriguing signature. Could these possibly be future mail replies to various people on Usenet from a Significant Person in the White House? I'm reproducing the messages here, for you to decide (after deleting the possibly-erroneous dates and the names of the addressees to preserve the privacy of what might be private mail). -------- To: I cannot but agree with your arguments that those responsible for the development and deployment of weapons used to kill and maim must share the guilt for the thousands of innocent victims. By the way, who did invent the automobile? curiously, whouse!pres -------- To: From the sound of it, the hardware modifications you've done on your microcomputer are Really Neat, and we appreciate your offer to do the same for the ones around here. But I really don't think it's right for me to have Customs "look the other way" when you bring in all the necessary parts from the orient. conscientiously, whouse!pres -------- To: I'm really sorry I haven't found time for detailed replies to your letters. The reason is that, while I would never question that your ideas are profoundly important and urgently needed by mankind, you couch them in such language that I can seldom figure out what they are. Dialog is more fun when both parties share some idea of what they're talking about. I can hardly wait to learn more details on how you plan to save the world, but I'm afraid you'll have to explain it in a language I understand. May I suggest something other than LISP? eagerly, whouse!pres -------- To: Thanks for your suggestion on cutting governmental costs. Your proposal to stop paying the interest on -- and not repaying not repaying the principal of -- the national debt certainly would trim the budget. However, there would be some side effects. Many individuals, businesses and virtually all the banks hold government bonds. Having those assets vanish overnight would not only be disconcerting, but would also probably lead to the collapse of the banking system, most businesses, and probably the entire world economy. Not to mention what it would do to the government's credit rating... regretfully, whouse!pres -------- To: The results from your input-output analysis of the entire world's economy for the next century certainly are interesting. So were your projections on the strategic alternatives open to the Soviet Union over the next decade. Almost as interesting as the results of your global climate model showing the effects of shifting from petrochemical fuels to alternative energy sources. Strangely enough, after I receive your analyses via net mail, I usually receive a similar report through official channels from the government "think tank" where you work ... supposedly authored by a whole team of Ph.D.s While I'm sure that you've really done all that work -- as a summer hire jr. assistant student programmer -- I'd really hate to put all those Ph.D.s out of work. Instead of the net mail previews, why don't we just let the results of those massive studies come through official channels, and let those scientists with all those Ph.D.s feel that they're doing something productive for the country? considerately, whouse!pres -------- To: I read with interest your urging fellow netlanders to transmit supposedly-encrypted nonsense files overseas to amuse and entertain the people in the various government agencies that monitor overseas communications links to find out if national secrets are being disclosed to potential adversaries. It seems that enough people have taken your advice that the appropriate agencies have asked me for additional staff and computer facilities to handle the extra volume of possibly-encrypted telecommunications traffic and sort the garbage from the potentially important material. However, don't you agree it's not really all that fair to charge this extra cost to the average American taxpayer? I'm sure you'll agree. I'm charging the cost to your VISA bill. I'm sure you'll be amused and entertained ... for the next few centuries it will take to pay it off. always cost-conscious, whouse!pres -------- To: Your idea of an artificial intelligence program which can handle network note and mail responses certainly would be a time-saver for a busy executive such as myself. The A.I. program could answer electronic mail for me that I don't have time for. As you point out, if done well, the recipients of the notes and electronic mail would never realize that what they were receiving the output of an artificial intelligence program. Alas, your idea is not original. In fact, several government labs have been working to refine such a program for several years already. I don't see the need for the government to fund such work. Anymore. yours in A.I., whouse!pres -- Bob Cunningham ..{dual,ihnp4,vortex}!islenet!bob Honolulu, Hawaii