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From: beth@umcp-cs.UUCP (Beth Katz)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Living Together Without Sex
Message-ID: <1897@umcp-cs.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 14-Dec-84 18:41:21 EST
Article-I.D.: umcp-cs.1897
Posted: Fri Dec 14 18:41:21 1984
Date-Received: Wed, 19-Dec-84 02:48:46 EST
References: <284@mhuxm.UUCP>
Reply-To: beth@maryland.UUCP (Beth Katz)
Organization: U of Maryland, Computer Science Dept., College Park, MD
Lines: 41
Summary: 

In article <284@mhuxm.UUCP> clairep@mhuxm.UUCP (Louise Levy) writes:
>...
>Instead of always turning our feelings into sex, 
>another approach might be to take the feelings we
>have for another, when we feel we want to make love sexually,
>and make love nonsexually, i.e.  really feeling close to
>that person.  
> ...
>Believe me, I'm not anti-sex.  To be frank, I dig it.
>But through my "years" of experience with a marriage and
>single-hood, I have found sex to be a vehicle through which
>closeness can be expressed.  But it is not THE vehicle 
>to create closeness or continue it.  

As I have told my SO (who lives far away so I don't see him much), the
part about being together that I miss most when we are apart is the hugs.
These aren't the really sexy hugs but the warm, caring, I-love-you-and-I-
love-to-be-with-you hugs.  Oh, I miss the sex, and I miss much of the day-
to-day aspects of just being together, but I really miss the hugs and other
non-sexual touching.  I would miss the talking to him about general stuff,
but we talk so much on the phone that I feel part of that aspect of his life.

Here's an experiment for you (and yes, I'll try it myself next week when he
is here but I've done it before).  Stay home one night or afternoon with your
SO and have nothing planned except talking and cuddling and BEING with each
other.  Touch each other. Talk about what you like about each other.  Tell
them why they are your SO.  Don't jump right into bed (though you might end
up there eventually).  Take AT LEAST a couple of hours to get out of your
clothes and into bed.  Enjoy each other's company as caring people not as
sex partners.  This is like maintenance on the closeness of your relationship.
And if you end up having sex after a few hours of this, fine.  But it really
feels good inside (at least from my experience, and yes I have some) to get
close to your SO and remember why you love them.  Didn't that feel good?

Hint:  I bet you could do this even if the other person isn't your SO.  Isn't
that a better way to get to know each other than jumping into bed after a
few minutes of talk?  Isn't it better than window shopping and going to lousy
movies?  And it isn't very expensive, unless you feel uncomfortable talking.

					Beth Katz
Why do I want to say, "Make love not only sex."