Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83 based; site houxm.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxt!mhuxj!houxm!gregbo From: gregbo@houxm.UUCP (Greg Skinner) Newsgroups: net.religion,net.social,net.singles Subject: Re: Christmas {report} card Message-ID: <1037@houxm.UUCP> Date: Wed, 19-Dec-84 13:29:18 EST Article-I.D.: houxm.1037 Posted: Wed Dec 19 13:29:18 1984 Date-Received: Thu, 20-Dec-84 03:27:48 EST References: <2028@nsc.UUCP> Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ Lines: 48 Xref: watmath net.religion:5152 net.social:368 net.singles:5004 > From: chuqui@nsc.UUCP (Chuqui[The Time Traveller]) > Two years ago was the crisis in faith, last year was the crisis in > conscience. Last christmas I became unmarried. Becoming unmarried involves > many things, not the least of which is taking all of the vows you made > before your God and saying 'Remember all those things I said? Never > mind...' In other words, you lied. 'Until death do you part...' well, I'm > alive, and she's alive, and we are parted. You make a promise to yourself, > to her, and to God, and then you break your promise. You have to reconcile > yourself to these failed vows, and learn to move forward. The hardest part > is not the act of divorce, the splitup, or the ending, it is the realization > that you can lie with the best of intentions, you can lie without even > knowing it. Worse is knowing that, because you are human, you will lie > again, because you are human. You aren't perfect, you will break vows, and > there isn't a lot you can do about it. That knowledge hurts. This raises something which I have been thinking about over the last few months -- marriage and divorce. (No, I'm not getting married, or divorced :-) This concerns how one should feel after getting a divorce. The vows say, "for richer and for poorer, for better and for worse, till death do you part". Not till divorce do you part. Chuq raises an important point when he says that he felt he was being dishonest with God because he did not live up to the vows he spoke when he was married. My gut reaction is that no, he didn't lie, because to lie is to speak an un- truth, and there was no statement of truth in the those vows I quoted above, just promises. But, how is one supposed to feel after one has broken the prom- ises of the marriage vows. It doesn't really matter if you are or aren't a Christian -- what matters is how you reconcile the breaking of your vows with yourself and your former spouse. I guess I'm rambling a bit, but I'd like to get feedback from anybody who feels like commenting on how to cope with divorce, whether or not people should get divorced, and how to save your marriage even if it looks like it can't be saved. ... Chuq relates his experiences with the net and how they have helped him ... I am glad to hear that you feel so good about the net and all the people who comprise it. I have made some friends myself on the net so I can relate to what he is saying. Thanks for your article Chuq, and keep up the good work -- some of us out there (me for one) appreciate all you've done. -- Baby tie your hair back in a long white bow ... Meet me in the field, behind the dynamo ... Greg Skinner (gregbo) {allegra,cbosgd,ihnp4}!houxm!gregbo