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From: chuck@hyster.DEC (Hyster::Hitchcock  264-6540)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Beliefs and What Works in Relationships
Message-ID: <228@decwrl.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 12-Dec-84 17:24:40 EST
Article-I.D.: decwrl.228
Posted: Wed Dec 12 17:24:40 1984
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Newsgroups: net.singles
Path: decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-hyster!hitchcock
Subject: Singles, Faith and What Works
Posted: Tues 11:55:00 12/11/84

> The reason there are so many different sects is that they
> disagree on the biblical validity of each other's stands on
> a wide range of issues, including those of interest to
> single adults. 

Martin has an enlightened attitude.  To participate fully in 
one's religion yet remain aware of its relativity is a sign of 
someone who is in touch with how fragile beliefs actually are.  
What I haven't heard yet in this discussion is, How does what you 
believe work for you?

As someone who is active in a pagan religion, I find that 
what I believe directly affects who I become involved with, 
because, like Martin, my religion works for me.  But my 
tradition has a strong element of being "caretakers of the 
Earth."  My SO is part of a native American Indian tradition with 
a similar bent.  We meditate, do rituals to celebrate our 
connection with the elements, go to "gatherings of the clan," and 
generally work toward healing ourselves through our own human 
energy.

The fact is, orthodox religions (especially Christianity) promote 
dominance over the earth, focus on divinity outside oneself 
(rather than coming from within) and hierarchical structures 
(rather than a decentralized form of organized chaos, which is 
more typical of contemporary pagan religions).  Martin may be the 
exception to this, but as someone who went through getting a Masters in 
Theological Studies from a Methodist Seminary, I can tell you 
from first hand experience that he is the exception, Jeff is the 
rule.

So what works?  Well, I say that paganism and other decentralized
Earth-oriented/Body-oriented religions are a more appropriate
religion for singles for this day and age because it promotes the
freedom to experiment with developing an equal partnership
between you and your SO, it opens you up to our inherent
aloneless in the world rather than masking it with a god who
intercedes on your behalf (so you are confronted with developing
a relationship of harmonic tension: seeing your SO as wholly
other and a projection of your inner self, yet connected with you
psychically in a way that goes beyond physical limitations). 

And ultimately, it forces you to take full responsibility for
your actions especially in relationships because, to quote an old
pagan saying: What you send out to the world, returns to you many
times.  And THAT belief has some pretty aMAZing affects with your
SO in a world of deteriorating relationships.  And although there
are successful relationships between Christians (et al)--based on
my *observations* (and confirmed by what Martin has already said)
they're successful in spite of their religious basis. 

The appropriate question to ask at this point (because we can
discuss the role of religion in relationships forever) is:  What
is YOUR criteria for a successful relationship?  What qualities
make a relationship WORK for you? 

Chuck 

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