Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site decwrl.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!ihnp4!zehntel!dual!amdcad!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-tools!dickau From: dickau@tools.DEC (Martin Dickau) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: Beliefs and What Works in Relationships Message-ID: <261@decwrl.UUCP> Date: Fri, 14-Dec-84 02:55:01 EST Article-I.D.: decwrl.261 Posted: Fri Dec 14 02:55:01 1984 Date-Received: Sun, 16-Dec-84 09:19:22 EST Sender: daemon@decwrl.UUCP Organization: DEC Engineering Network Lines: 57 As an "enlightened" Christian, I figured I would express a few thoughts on what works in a relationship. One note before I start rambling: In keeping with the recent theme, I'm only (well, we'll see) going to talk about religion in relationships. I find a successful relationship involves what I call "comfort" for lack of a better term. This comfort involves not having to be at all concerned about what your partner thinks of you or what you do -- you are accepted exactly the way you are, and there is no attempt at changing you. This is not to say that you should not change... As I said before, I don't see anything inherently wrong in a relationship where the two people involved are of different religions. There would be a problem for me if my partner were trying to "convert" me either from my own religion (as an agnostic might try to do) or to another (Jehovah's Witnesses comes to mind). I wouldn't feel threatened by this conversion attempt, but it would violate the sense of comfort I would be looking for. Fortunately, I don't feel the need to convert anyone. I am content to let people believe what they want to believe. As part of my Christian faith, I espouse of one of Christ's great commands ("Go therefore and make disciples of all nations..."). For me, this means I do my best to make sure that the people I associate with are aware of Christ's teachings, and the basic tenets of the Christian faith. After that, the decision is theirs, and I am quite content to leave it at that. I am afraid I don't quite understand Chuck's point about centralized and decentralized faith and the belief in God vs. a back-to-earth type of faith and what that has to do with a relationship. I disagree with the idea of a "dominant" God, as well. Yes, I believe in God, and yes, I believe in God's power, but I also believe that we are all left to make our own choices and to live with the consequences of them. I suspect that the reason Chuck sees so many successful relationships, even between Christians, is that in order to achieve the "comfort" I was talking about, you have to understand the other person. Heinlein's "grok" is a good way to describe that understanding. I guess "resonating" is another. If you cannot feel your partner's responses to you, then I think you could not be sure of the affects of your actions and so you would worry. After all, you cannot "know" how someone will react without learning about that person first. In addition, I think I should point out that the Christian faith does not teach any kind of removal from other people, but rather it encourages the kind of closeness and understanding necessary for a relationship to work. I point you here to another command: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Rather than a sense of aloneness and self-reliance, my faith gives me a sense of being in a broad relationship with all people, and of realizing that I have much to share with others, and they have much to share with me. And a successful relationship is one giant mutual sharing. Martin UUCP: ...{decvax,ucbvax}!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-tools!dickau ARPA: dickau%tools.dec@decwrl.ARPA ENET: TOOLS::DICKAU