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From: robins@koala.DEC (Life is like an analogy)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: SARJokes Monday, Dec  3rd, 1984
Message-ID: <122@decwrl.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 3-Dec-84 11:26:05 EST
Article-I.D.: decwrl.122
Posted: Mon Dec  3 11:26:05 1984
Date-Received: Tue, 4-Dec-84 09:15:51 EST
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***TRUE FACTS***
(ny daily news) Soccer authorities in the african nation of Swaziland announced
that a $450 fine would be imposed on anyone found guilty of using witchcraft on
the playing field.  Apparently, witch doctors often sprinkle "divine water"
within the goal of the opposing team and the supporters of that team then
urinate in their opponent's goal to negate the charm.  "It is very embarrassing
to Swaziland" reported one official. 

(la times) After the soviets shot down one of its 747 airliners,  Korean
Airlines quickly dropped a magazine advertisement touting its direct service to
Korea from various american cities.  "Our flights not only seem shorter," said
the ad headline, "they are shorter." 

(miami herald) A large man walked into a tampa, fla coffee shop owned by Joseph
Isriel and ordered 5 sandwiches.  As Isriel was working on the sandwiches, the
man reached over the counter and began stuffing meatballs in his mouth.  "When I
said something to him," said Isriel, "he told me he was going to shove me into a
pickle jar: so i figured what the heck's a few meatballs.  The guy had to duck
coming through the door. He had shoulders that looked like they belonged to a
mack truck."  Isriel then asked the man if there would be anything else. "Yeah"
he replied."give me the rest of your meatballs."  Isriel handed him a bag of
meatballs, then said, "What about my money?"  "Keep it" he answered, "I just
want the food."  Then he left. 

(toronto star) a debate arose amoung vatican authorities over what to do with
the 25 feet of intestine removed from the body of pope john paul ii after the
may 1981 attempt on his life.  the question was whether or not to place the
organ in the sacra praecordia, a church where the internal organs of dead popes
are stored.  the organs, removed during embalming, are kept in terra cotta jars
in the basement of the church, near the trevi fountain. 

(ap) china's official xinhua news agengy has reported that 7 people in zhejiang
province have been discovered to have no hair or sweat glands on their bodies.
meanwhile, according to the same report, researchers at liaoning university in
northeast china are checking more than 30 other chinese whose bodies are almost
completely covered with hair. 

(Cleveland Plain Dealer) Phyllis Kahn criticised 6 of her fellow Minnesota
legislators for joining in a recent party game. The lawmakers, among them two
Lutheran ministers, held a "staff appreciation" party at a St. Paul's
restaurant during which they donned nylon stockings. Then they had their
blindfolded secretaries try to identify them by feeling their legs. Rep. Ray
Walker, who organized the game, claimed it was harmless, but Kahn insisted
"There is obviouly an element of sexual titillation in men wearing nylon
stocking having their feet grabbed by blindfolded women on their knees."

(AP) An Irish seer who foretold the future by reading women's breasts and
bottoms died reccently in London, England. Patrick Cullen, who called himself
the "Professor" daubed the breasts and bottoms of female customers with poster
paints, then pressed a sheet of paper against them. From the lifesize imprints,
he made predictions, a skill he learned from 26 years of world travel. The
seer's business was located for many years in a booth on the pier at Hastings,
a south England resort.

(toronto globe and mail)"this can't be yogurt, inc." has filed a 17.5
million dollar suit against "i can't believe it's yogurt,inc".
"this cant be yogurt" was sued last month by "i can't believe its 
yogurt" for alleged trademark infringments.  the suit was filed a day
before "this cant be yogurt" was to start a public offering.
"this can't be yogurt" is claiming that "i can't believe its yogurt"
timed its suit to ruin the others stock offering.

(erie, pa morning news)sahib, an elephant at the world wildlife
safari in winston, oregon, ate too much mud recently, then ate 
some rocks as well.  the combination caused a concrete-liked formation
in his stomach.  zookeepers, however, solved the problem with 
this daily regimen: 15 boxes of ex-lax, 3 cases of apples, 2 cases of 
lettuce, 2 cases of carrots, 20 pounds of plums, 40 pounds of bananas,
6 gallons of mineral oil, and an enema administered with a garden hose.

Mon 3-Dec-1984 11:16  Being dead is bad for business