Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site ptsfa.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!cbosgd!ihnp4!zehntel!dual!ptsfa!mej From: mej@ptsfa.UUCP (Mary Johnson) Newsgroups: net.jokes,net.music.folk,net.poems Subject: 'Night Before Christmas' parody Message-ID: <397@ptsfa.UUCP> Date: Mon, 10-Dec-84 17:59:07 EST Article-I.D.: ptsfa.397 Posted: Mon Dec 10 17:59:07 1984 Date-Received: Tue, 11-Dec-84 07:38:26 EST Distribution: net Organization: Pacific Bell, San Francisco Lines: 59 Xref: watmath net.jokes:9863 net.music.folk:9 net.poems:701 I found this posted on the wall of a neighboring office, and it suited both my mood and the season so well that I decided to pass it on. 'Twas the Night Before Crisis 'Twas the night before crisis, and all through the house Not a program was working not even a browse. The programmers were wrung out too mindless to care Knowing chances of cutover hadn't a prayer. The users were nestled all snug in their beds While visions of inquiries danced in their heads, When out in the lobby there arose such a clatter I sprang from my tube to see what was the matter. And what to my wondering eyes should appear But a super programmer, oblivious to fear. More rapid than eagles his programs they came, And he whistled and shouted and called them by name: "On Update! On Add! On Inquiry! On Delete! On Batch Jobs! On Closing! On Functions Complete!" His eyes were glazed over, his fingers were lean From weekends and nights in front of a screen, But a wink of his eye and a twist of his head Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread. He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work Turning specs into code, then turned with a jerk, And laying his finger on the ENTER key, The system came up and worked perfectly. The updates updates; the deletes, they deleted; the inquiries inquired; and the closing completed. He tested each whistle and tested each bell With nary an abend, and all had gone well. The system was finished, the tests were concluded; The client's last changes were even included. And the client exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt, "It's just what I asked for, but it's not what I want!" Mary Eileen Johnson {ihnp4,ucbvax,cbosgd,hplabs,decwrl,amd,sun,nsc}!dual!ptsfa!mej