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From: williams@kirk.DEC (John Williams 223-3402)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Parental Archtypical Behaviour
Message-ID: <90@decwrl.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 29-Nov-84 12:30:34 EST
Article-I.D.: decwrl.90
Posted: Thu Nov 29 12:30:34 1984
Date-Received: Sat, 1-Dec-84 05:46:14 EST
Sender: daemon@decwrl.UUCP
Organization: DEC Engineering Network
Lines: 59



	Leave the parents out of it. Respond to them as best you
can, but don't let them pressure you into anything. They already 
have a sex life, and naturally think that the thing to do is get 
married. One of the hardest things to do is to get them to accept 
you as an equal, with equally valid opinions.

	Becoming involved in a relationship is too delicate to be 
done in any other way than completely voluntary. Part of the 
process of maturity is learning to outgrow peer pressure. When 
you left the protective sanctuary of their support, you took on 
the responsibility of making your own mistakes.

	You simply can't let your parents `` screen '' your 
partners for you, it is simply a lesson you need to experience 
first hand. Remember, it is a two way process. Your parents are 
concerned with your well being, and probably won't let go unless 
they feel you are capable of taking care of yourself. What they 
say to you should be taken purely as advice, and not as a 
transferral of their moral values. Chances are that your values 
are very similar anyways, the only difference being that you may 
practice ( practice before practical ) them a little differently.

	Tell yourself that meeting the parents is no big deal. It 
is really no different than meeting your partner's other friends.
Of course, we know better than that, but it is a good way to 
approach the situation. This attitude may help relieve alot of 
the pressure and make it easier to relate to them as equals. This 
is something they probably already know, and chances are, they 
will think more highly of you for recognizing it. You can put 
them at ease by letting them know that your emotional well being 
doesn't depend on their approval.

	They are only human, like yourself. The only meaningful 
communication that can occur is when you treat them on equal 
terms. Let them know that the relationship is between your 
partner and you, and that their personal opinions really won't 
affect what happens with it. Meeting them is completely 
voluntary. Any association with them is completely voluntary.
The whole thing is completely voluntary.

	This will make you more responsible for your actions. If 
anything goes wrong, you will only have each other to blame. It 
will save alot of grief and misery in identifying your problems.
After all, it is your life. You are the one who ultimately has to 
live with it. Depending on others for your emotional stability 
will only lead to guilt transfer. And that can be a real 
nightmare. Just show that you are capable of feeling on your own.

					----{ john williams }----

	< We stand together as individuals >

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