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From: ktw@whuxi.UUCP (WOLMAN)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Meditations of the Great Swami Bill (A Good Friend of Mine)
Message-ID: <162@whuxi.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 6-Dec-84 18:48:14 EST
Article-I.D.: whuxi.162
Posted: Thu Dec  6 18:48:14 1984
Date-Received: Fri, 7-Dec-84 02:45:19 EST
Organization: Bell Labs, Whippany, N.J.
Lines: 54


                        Ten Essential Meditations
                                    by
                               Swami Billy


       These ten essential meditations are designed to lead the
       user into a state of teleological, existential, ontological,
       metaphysical, non-homeostatic, neurotic, psychopathic bliss.
       Practicing them in sequence is extremely important since any
       single one of them practiced out of sequence could be fatal.

          + All football players are homosexuals. They are not real
            men like physicists or astronomers.

          + Technical writing and sewage treatment are synonymous,
            analogous, and one and the same. Sewage treatment, however
	    probably pays more.

          + New Jersey is a preliterate society with its denizens
            stuck somewhere between Java and Neanderthal phases of
            evolution.

          + Water is wet except in New Jersey where it is not
            because it is not water. It is, instead, a miasmatic
            myriad of carcinogens, toxins, radioactive wastes, used
            car parts, and sludge.

          + The ultimate male sexual fantasy involves diphallic terata,
            rope, and mayonnaise.
           
          + We are all just graffiti on the subway car of life.

          + Traffic in New Jersey is a form of population control.
            According to information overload theory, New Jersey
            residents can't drive and think about it at the same
            time.

          + Am I working on the solution or am I part of the
            problem?

          + Subscriber loop networking and raw violent sex between
            fat Lithuanian midgets are one and the same.
            Alternatively, subscribing to AT&T and being gang-
            banged by fat Lithuanian midgets are one and the same.

       WARNING:  The tenth and final meditation may only be
       practiced by male AT&T employees while standing at bathroom
       urinals. This meditation is proprietary and is not for use
       or disclosure outside of AT&T and its subsidiaries except
       under written agreement.


          + Our future is in our hands.