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From: mej@ptsfa.UUCP (Mary Johnson)
Newsgroups: net.jokes,net.music.folk,net.poems
Subject: 'Night Before Christmas' parody
Message-ID: <397@ptsfa.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 10-Dec-84 17:59:07 EST
Article-I.D.: ptsfa.397
Posted: Mon Dec 10 17:59:07 1984
Date-Received: Tue, 11-Dec-84 07:38:26 EST
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Xref: watmath net.jokes:9863 net.music.folk:9 net.poems:701


I found this posted on the wall of a neighboring office, and it
suited both my mood and the season so well that I decided to pass
it on.


                 'Twas the Night Before Crisis



    'Twas the night before crisis, and all through the house
    Not a program was working not even a browse.
    
    The programmers were wrung out too mindless to care
    Knowing chances of cutover hadn't a prayer.
    
    The users were nestled all snug in their beds
    While visions of inquiries danced in their heads,
    
    When out in the lobby there arose such a clatter
    I sprang from my tube to see what was the matter.
    
    And what to my wondering eyes should appear
    But a super programmer, oblivious to fear.
    
    More rapid than eagles his programs they came,
    And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
    
    "On Update!  On Add!  On Inquiry!  On Delete!
    On Batch Jobs!  On Closing!  On Functions Complete!"
    
    His eyes were glazed over, his fingers were lean
    From weekends and nights in front of a screen,
    
    But a wink of his eye and a twist of his head
    Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
    
    He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
    Turning specs into code, then turned with a jerk,
    
    And laying his finger on the ENTER key,
    The system came up and worked perfectly.
    
    The updates updates; the deletes, they deleted;
    the inquiries inquired; and the closing completed.
    
    He tested each whistle and tested each bell
    With nary an abend, and all had gone well.
    
    The system was finished, the tests were concluded;
    The client's last changes were even included.
    
    And the client exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt,
    "It's just what I asked for, but it's not what I want!"



       Mary Eileen Johnson
       {ihnp4,ucbvax,cbosgd,hplabs,decwrl,amd,sun,nsc}!dual!ptsfa!mej