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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!cbosgd!ihnp4!inuxc!pur-ee!CS-Mordred!Pucc-H:Pucc-I:Pucc-K:afo
From: afo@pucc-k (Flidais)
Newsgroups: net.singles,net.social
Subject: Re: Meeting the Parents
Message-ID: <643@pucc-k>
Date: Wed, 28-Nov-84 14:34:54 EST
Article-I.D.: pucc-k.643
Posted: Wed Nov 28 14:34:54 1984
Date-Received: Fri, 30-Nov-84 05:35:26 EST
References: <614@pucc-k> <1514@pucc-h>
Organization: Necromancers Local #1032
Lines: 66


From Jeff Sargent (pucc-h:aeq)

>>Admittedly I haven't personal experience to back this up, but have you
>>considered *residing* together, as distinct from the usual sense of
>>"living together"?  It occurs to me that if you and your SO could
>>successfully deal with the stresses of sharing a residence, for an
>>extended period, *without* using sex to paper over disagreements, then
>>your friendship would be so solid that you would greatly increase your
>>chances of a successful marriage, should you decide to exercise that option.

No, Jeff, you don't have the experience.  And that, is what I look
for when I elicit advice from those on the net, or anywhere else.  I
don't presume to tell people how to build and operate a nuclear
power plant, because I don't have any conception of it...


>>Another way to look at it is: one thing at a time.  Work out the balances
>>of plain vanilla daily life first; when they are running reasonably
>>swimmingly, *then* start working on the adjustments of sex.  Don't try
>>to do everything at once.

Jeff, you seem to have this idea that sex throws sand in the works.
When sex is not a problem (and in this case, it definitely isn't :-)
why consider it a detriment to a relationship.  If it ain't broke,
don't fix it....


>>The obvious difficulties in this arise from this not being the best of all
>>possible worlds: a) the temptation to go ahead with sex would be there, and
>>would probably be very strong; b) even if you didn't give in to that
>>temptation, you'd have a tough time convincing outsiders of your celibacy
>>(particularly parents, I suppose).  But the idea still seems to me to have
>>some wisdom in it.  Perhaps you could try it, and let the net know how it
>>works out?

Uh, let's answer b) first.  It is none of anyone's business *what*
goes on in the privacy of my abode....

now.... (enter flaming, screaming and jumping up and down mode)
My word, man, do you think we all go around, gritting our teeth,
crossing our legs, and hoping that we won't ravish the next person
of the appropriate sex?  This puritan privation garbage is just
that- garbage.  I don't even intend to get my jollies out of putting
on a hair shirt and congratulating myself on what a pure and holy
person I am.  Or what unpure and unholy people everyone else are.
Now, that's *neurotic*.

And what would expect to be the results of this grand social
experiment?  That everyone would stop having sex with their SO?
When you stop thinking of sex as something to be avoided, and
something that is inherently evil, then sex isn't the massive
problem you have made it to be...

Really Jeff, for someone who holds no respect for the social
sciences, you try awfully hard to be a sociologist/psychologist. Tr
to get at least *some* background in what makes people tick (or at
least a course in experimental desgin) before you start experiments.


-- 
Laurie Sefton
{harpo,ihnp4,allegra,decvax}!pur-ee!pucc-h!afo

~As he lay out the tarot, the devil and death, two old and very dear
friends of mine, appeared.~