Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: Notesfiles $Revision: 1.6.2.17 $; site sysvis.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxj!ihnp4!inuxc!pur-ee!uiucdcs!sysvis!george From: george@sysvis.UUCP Newsgroups: net.jokes Subject: What's an EDP? Auditor anyway? Message-ID: <-1833221@sysvis.UUCP> Date: Thu, 29-Nov-84 14:40:00 EST Article-I.D.: sysvis.-1833221 Posted: Thu Nov 29 14:40:00 1984 Date-Received: Sun, 2-Dec-84 03:26:58 EST Lines: 65 Nf-ID: #N:sysvis:-1833221:000:2152 Nf-From: sysvis!george Nov 29 13:40:00 1984 <-------> Those of you in places large enough to have EDP (Electronic Data Processing yet!) auditors who pester everyone to death on a roughly cyclical basis every year, should appreciate this one. Better yet, post it on the bulletin board where it is sure to be seen by one of this dying breed of REAL EDP AUDITORS. What exactly is a REAL EDP AUDITOR? REAL EDP AUDITORS review only binary code. REAL EDP AUDITORS will set off the Halon System and watch to see what happens. REAL EDP AUDITORS never use the Test Data Method. The Test Data Method is used by EDP auditors who don't know what the letters "IBM" stand for. REAL EDP AUDITORS use a machine gun and hand grenades to gain entry to the computer room and then ask why there is no security. REAL EDP AUDITORS only perform surprise audits, and only at year end. REAL EDP AUDITORS review code only written by REAL PROGRAM- MERS. REAL EDP AUDITORS never work 9 to 5, they come in at mid- night and work in the dark when no one is around. REAL EDP AUDITORS are former systems programmers who have a grudge. REAL EDP AUDITORS don't eat quiche. They eat greasy food, especially when handling a very negative audit report that is about to be released. REAL EDP AUDITORS never use encryption in their work because no one understands what they do anyway. REAL EDP AUDITORS have their own surveillance software that runs as a started task. It never dies, even if you unplug the machine. REAL EDP AUDITORS begin an audit of disaster recovery by first burning down the data center, then replacing the IBM 3083 with a brand new Datapoint computer, and finally, not leaving until the systems programmers have MVS up and run- ning. REAL EDP AUDITORS do not walk on to the battle field after the battle has been fought and shoot the wounded. They drop THE BOMB, leaving nothing standing higher than an inch. George E. Robertson % Strategic Planning Dept. Tandy Electronics 1700 One Tandy Center Fort Worth, TX 76102 (817) 390-3330 ...{convex,ctvax,microsoft}!trsvax!sysvis!george