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From: george@sysvis.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: What's an EDP? Auditor anyway?
Message-ID: <-1833221@sysvis.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 29-Nov-84 14:40:00 EST
Article-I.D.: sysvis.-1833221
Posted: Thu Nov 29 14:40:00 1984
Date-Received: Sun, 2-Dec-84 03:26:58 EST
Lines: 65
Nf-ID: #N:sysvis:-1833221:000:2152
Nf-From: sysvis!george    Nov 29 13:40:00 1984

<------->

   Those of you in places large enough to have EDP (Electronic Data
Processing yet!) auditors who pester everyone to death on a roughly
cyclical basis every year, should appreciate this one.  Better yet,
post it on the bulletin board where it is sure to be seen by one of
this dying breed of REAL EDP AUDITORS.

What exactly is a REAL EDP AUDITOR?


	REAL EDP AUDITORS review only binary code.

	REAL EDP AUDITORS will set off the Halon System and watch to
	see what happens.

	REAL EDP AUDITORS never use the Test Data Method.  The  Test
	Data  Method is used by EDP auditors who don't know what the
	letters "IBM" stand for.
	REAL EDP AUDITORS use a machine gun  and  hand  grenades  to
	gain entry to the computer room and then ask why there is no
	security.

	REAL EDP AUDITORS only perform surprise audits, and only  at
	year end.

	REAL EDP AUDITORS review code only written by REAL  PROGRAM-
	MERS.

	REAL EDP AUDITORS never work 9 to 5,  they come in  at  mid-
	night and work in the dark when no one is around.

	REAL EDP AUDITORS are former systems programmers who have  a
	grudge.

	REAL EDP AUDITORS don't eat quiche.  They eat  greasy  food,
	especially  when  handling a very negative audit report that
	is about to be released.

	REAL EDP AUDITORS never use encryption in their work because
	no one understands what they do anyway.

	REAL EDP AUDITORS have their own surveillance software  that
	runs  as  a started task.  It never dies, even if you unplug
	the machine.

	REAL EDP AUDITORS begin an audit  of  disaster  recovery  by
	first  burning  down the data center, then replacing the IBM
	3083 with a brand new Datapoint computer, and  finally,  not
	leaving  until  the systems programmers have MVS up and run-
	ning.

	REAL EDP AUDITORS do not walk on to the battle  field  after
	the battle has been fought and shoot the wounded.  They drop
	THE BOMB, leaving nothing standing higher than an inch.


					George E. Robertson
				      % Strategic Planning Dept.
					Tandy Electronics
					1700 One Tandy Center
					Fort Worth, TX  76102
					(817) 390-3330
			   ...{convex,ctvax,microsoft}!trsvax!sysvis!george