Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 (Tek) 9/26/83; site orca.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!cbosgd!cbdkc1!desoto!packard!hoxna!houxm!ihnp4!zehntel!tektronix!orca!ariels From: ariels@orca.UUCP Newsgroups: net.women Subject: Re: what to teach a daughter about rape? Message-ID: <1229@orca.UUCP> Date: Mon, 10-Dec-84 23:41:41 EST Article-I.D.: orca.1229 Posted: Mon Dec 10 23:41:41 1984 Date-Received: Wed, 12-Dec-84 05:14:25 EST Sender: ariels@orca.UUCP Organization: Tektronix, Wilsonville OR Lines: 71 >I am a father with twin daughters aged 14. Neither they nor I are ready to >talk about these things but I would like to know what advice to give them >when they are ready for it! Many many years ago the standard advice was to >1) be firm in saying "no", 2) get away, 3) scream, 4) "lay back and enjoy it" >when all else fails. #4 was instead of fighting physically on the assumption >that the woman could not defeat the man and would only agravate physical damage. >For the sake of argument lets assume circumstances that make escape unlikely. IT'S TIME NOW!! They are both old enough to be raped at this point. If you can't talk to them, get your wife to, or your sister (their aunt), ar any other woman who you feel has a good outlook on the right to her own body. I would send them to a GOOD self defense class, one run by Chimera, or another women's group. These classes don't teach a martial art, per se, though they do cover a few techniques. These classes teach a woman how to stand up to an attacker before he becomes an attacker, how to say NO! like you mean it. They also teach how to stay out of situations where attacks might occur. There have been studies that show that a woman who fights back (given not overweening odds, like a gun) may sustain a few bruises, but gets away more often than one who just who gives up. I don't have any substantiation about this, but I'd sure feel better about myself knowing I did all I could before I gave in. There's another point. If a woman IS raped she should remember to repeat to herself that it ISN'T HER FAULT. That no matter what is happening, she DIDN'T bring it on herself, she ISN'T a slut, she WASN'T ASKING FOR IT!!!! Much of the psychological reaction to such a violation of self is the guilt and self-blame that occurs. Your child can minimize this by realizing that all that happened to her was the result of some man's domination practices, and none of her fault or responsibility. I place a lot of credence on the "Don't get scared, get angry" philosophy of rape prevention. A woman has a right to her own body, and to go where she chooses (within sanity, walking alone in the worst part of town between 10:00 pm and when the bars get out is kinda dumb), and the woman who believes this, or at least appears to believe it, and who asserts her rights, will be much better able to deal with both attacks and random hoots and hollars on the street. There is no such thing as enjoying a rape. The "lie back and enjoy it" line is an insult to the rape victim. The best a rape victim can do is concentrate on survival, and on keeping her head together about who is to blame (as discussed above). A little self confidence can turn a potential attack into a scary but non-dangerous situation. This is getting way too long. If you love your daughters (which I'm sure you do, or you wouldn't be asking such a question), get them to a rape-prevention/self-defense course. Don't go to the 3-hour seminars given by the local police station. These just perpetuate the myth that a woman must stay at home with the doors locked, or be in the constant protection of a man (haven't they ever heard of date rape?). Call the local women's center, shelter for battered women, or rape-crisis center for a referal to a respected (by women who don't buy into the aforementioned myth) self-defense course. Most cities of any size have such a class available. It may mean dealing with a few radical feminists, but they'll respect you for trying to protect your daughters, and later your daughters will thank you for pointing them on the road to self-confidence and strength. Ariel (If you act tough, you don't usually have to be tough) Shattan ..!tektronix!orca!ariels