Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site decwrl.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!bonnie!akgua!mcnc!decvax!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-kirk!williams From: williams@kirk.DEC (John Williams 223-3402) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Only abusive when threatened Message-ID: <172@decwrl.UUCP> Date: Fri, 7-Dec-84 15:31:55 EST Article-I.D.: decwrl.172 Posted: Fri Dec 7 15:31:55 1984 Date-Received: Sun, 9-Dec-84 06:25:51 EST Sender: daemon@decwrl.UUCP Organization: DEC Engineering Network Lines: 93 > 1) The familiar is often safer than the unknown But it seems we all have to cross the street. Sometime. When we're ready. Sometimes fear can work against you. I would personally say that anyone who likes to be abused has a greater fear of rejection. The only people who have a greater fear of rejection are the abusers, themselves. I could get into a long discussion concerning the uglier nature of mankind driven by fear, but I think I will leave that alone for now. > 2) Those who get used to {love,abuse} tend to seek > more of the same, their self identity having been > formed from their life experiences (I'm not O.K. > (I know, because I've been told so all my life)) > (besides, the making up after the abuse is so > good!) More fear of the unknown. A feeling of inadequacy in their ability to relate in a different type of relationship, perhaps. Perhaps a feeling that the type of constructive relationship they want may be too much to hope for. We could get into all sorts of issues on self esteem. > 3) Since we live in a Patriarchy, women tend to get > more abused in childhood then do men, and > therefore there is a higher probability of finding > abused women than men This is probably the reason why there are more women seeing therapists than men. It is this which helps her from being pressured into some subservient role. The fact that the women is the child bearer does complicate matters, but does not render them unresolvable. There are distinct differences between the two genders, and the participants have to realize that each has their own particular strengths. Let's face it, it takes two to tango. In an abusive relationship, the male has a tendency to be more physically abusive, and this has been confused in the past as a display of superiority. We are beginning to outgrow this. It will take some time. > Patriarchy is the problem. Only equality will fix it. Flatten that baby. The dominance/submission relationship is on the way out. Take my word for it. We know too much. It is unlikely it will disappear completely, but it will become less exaggerated as it has been in the past. We are beginning to discover better methods of resolving difficulties. The first thing we have to face is fear. One of the most contributing factors will be the media we will have available for communication. The limiting aspect of this is that it must be supported somehow. In it's infancy, it is easily exploited, but with the rise of computers and automation, we are gaining more direct influence. Witness this very newsgroup. Despite the criticism, this newsgroup is one hell of an achievement. > It won't happen this time around. Maybe after the next nuclear > war some reasonable species will {evolve,mutate} on this > planet. > Sunny Yeah, some say that the world will belong to the insects. The truth of the matter is that our biggest danger is natural catastrophe. It provides the opportunity for previously oppressed countries to get revenge. I don't presume to know what the ultimate fate of the world is. I would like to think that we are capable of the vision necessary to prevent it's destruction. We are living during very critical times in the affairs of mankind. I do not wish to contribute to the belief that it will end in annihilation, for I feel this would only bring it about. Kind of like a fulfillment of prophesy. Ending on a slightly more positive note, take a look at that thing in front of you. In it, we have the power to communicate, to translate, to free us from the burdens of individual survival. Wouldn't it be great to have networks spanning the globe, with automated translators? How could you ever measure the value of something like that in dollars and cents? Don't know quite yet, but I'm working on it. ----{ john williams }---- < only abusive when threatened > (DEC E-NET) KIRK::WILLIAMS (UUCP) {decvax, ucbvax, allegra}!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-kirk!williams (ARPA) williams%kirk.DEC@decwrl.ARPA williams%kirk.DEC@Purdue-Merlin.ARPA