Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 (Tek) 9/12/84; site tekchips.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!cbosgd!ihnp4!zehntel!tektronix!tekcrl!tekchips!stevev From: stevev@tekchips.UUCP (Steve Vegdahl) Newsgroups: net.kids Subject: Re: Househusband Message-ID: <109@tekchips.UUCP> Date: Fri, 30-Nov-84 16:45:04 EST Article-I.D.: tekchips.109 Posted: Fri Nov 30 16:45:04 1984 Date-Received: Tue, 4-Dec-84 05:27:21 EST References: <119@osu-eddie.UUCP> <169@harvard.ARPA> Distribution: net Organization: Tektronix, Beaverton OR Lines: 76 > Three cheers! I have no children (not even married yet) but am looking > forward to the experience eagerly. My fiance and I have talked about it > and decided that we will have probably 2 (possibly 3) children, that I > will stay home with them when they are very young (until age 3 or so) > while he works, then he will stay home with them until school age (age > 6) while I work. Possibilities of the current housewife/husband could > be to do part-time at-home consulting or courses in night school. > > My question is: has anybody out there done this? Are there any > real-life househusbands or ex-househusbands out there (or any wives of > househusbands!)? My experience has been that every time I mention this > plan to anyone (mostly students) they drop their jaw and look > dumbfounded. It didn't seem so outrageous to us. It's not outrageous at all! During the first 19 months of our eldest son's life, I was his primary caretaker while my wife worked a full-time job as a metallurgical engineer. Jeannie took a maternity leave for the first three months of his life, which included a 5-week airline trip to visit all his grandparents at Christmastime. After she went back to work, things were pretty hectic, as I was trying to finish my thesis research and thesis. Our schedule went something like this from 3 months to 11 months: 3am (ugh!)I would get up to work on thesis from my home terminal. 6am She would get up and nurse him. I would change him while she was expressing milk on the second side. Then he'd finish off the second side. She'd then get dressed and leave for work. He'd go back to bed. 10am Philip would wake up for the day. I would quit working (on thesis). I would feed him a bottle (in later months solid food). I'd play with him, get things done around the house, often go on stroller walks to shop for this or that. 2pm He'd get another bottle and go down for a nap. I would either nap, or try to get more thesis work done (usually impossible with the machine load at that time of the day) or relax, clean up around the house, work on dinner, in the garden, etc. 5pm Jeannie would come home and nurse Philip while I put the finishing touches on dinner. Then we would eat. In the evening, I'd try to get a little time in on the thesis again, and then go to bed. She would spend time with Philip, keeping him up 'till around 10 so he'd sleep late the next day. On weekends, I usually went into school to work on the thesis, while she took care of him, cooked dinner, etc. She also did most of the laundry (she enjoys that, while I hate it) except that I did diapers, which is about the only thing she trusts me with (probably with good reason). After I finished the first draft of my thesis (11 mo.), the schedule a became a little more relaxed, but the overall schedule was similar. When he was about 15 months, I began working part-time (~2 days/wk) and we put him in day care two days a week. When he was about 19 months, my wife quit her job (we were planning to move back west anyway, and it was a good time politically for her to quit). Then I started working full-time, and have been doing so since. Since we've moved west, she has been doing some part-time consulting. All-in-all my experience at home with Philip was a very positive one. I'm not sure if I would have felt the same way if I were at home without any kind of "outside work". (I was generally either working on thesis or working part-time.) It also helped that Philip had a pretty regular sleeping schedule. Based on my experience I'd tend to reverse your schedule, having the father stay home during a good chunk of the 0-3 year time. Particularly if the child is an nursing infant, the child will get time with his mother anyway. I would also try to ensure that the parent at home gets some "professional stimulation", such as working part-time; both working full-time and having small kids, however, is just too hectic for us. ******************************** Steve Vegdahl NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR Computer Research Lab. typos Tektronix, Inc. logical errors Beaverton, Oregon actions of my pet alligator ********************************