Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 exptools 1/6/84; site ihdev.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxj!mhuxn!houxm!ihnp4!ihdev!rjv From: rjv@ihdev.UUCP (ron vaughn) Newsgroups: net.flame Subject: jeff sargent, DON'T READ (kinda' long) Message-ID: <130@ihdev.UUCP> Date: Tue, 4-Dec-84 22:32:30 EST Article-I.D.: ihdev.130 Posted: Tue Dec 4 22:32:30 1984 Date-Received: Thu, 6-Dec-84 02:56:58 EST Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL Lines: 257 [when's the last time you saw a good flame?? well partner, that's too long!] /* when i originally wrote this flame i said, naw, don't post it just yet, you're upset with the dummy, wait till you cool down. so i waited, and i just read yet ANOTHER stupid article from him. hell, now i wish i hadn't taken it so EASY on him. i humbly apologize. */ ok, gang, let me do a couple of lines of explaining first: although it may look like i'm rambling around a lot and not saying much at first, i'm actually setting everything up to make my point, so hang in there. in the end i'm gonna' wind up *toasting* jeff sargent, shattering everything he believes in, and we're all gonna' have a lot of fun along the way!! here goes.... (here's where i digress for a little bit....hang in there!!) anything in life that is worth talking about is...well, it's controversial. it's debateable. people get UPSET, they argue about it. there's lots of topics like this: abortion, church in politics, right wing vs. left wing, etc. etc. but deep down inside, a lot of topics aren't really as controversial as they appear. some things are just fundamentally wrong, and you can yell all you want, but it's not going to change anything. here's a quick example that everyone loves to flame about, creationism vs. evolution. all these people think creationism should be taught in school as a "science", but get serious. what the hell is a ten year old supposed to think when he goes to his class to learn that the earth is 6000 years old, and then an hour later his geography teacher shows him a rock and says "...this is from the suchandsuch age, it's 1.2 million years old." somehow that just doesn't swing. something is FUNDAMENTALLY wrong with the 6000 year old earth theory, and all the screaming in the world isn't going to make that rock disappear from the teachers hand. are we supposed to throw out all the other sciences (how many sciences can let a 6000 year old earth fit in their scheme) just so we can proudly say "the earth was created 6000 years ago, october 4th, 8:00am (eastern standard time)"???????????? i hope i've gotten my idea across about how some things, although they appear highly controversial, can actually have a fundamental flaw in their theory. now here comes the fun part. JS is fundamentally wrong. (fundamental having nothing to do with the church in this case). his ideas are stupid. he talks about things he knows NOTHING about. not only does he know NOTHING about them, he knows (according to him) EVERYTHING about them. i read all my "notes" off line, so i don't have hundreds of his idiotic sayings on line here. which is just as good - i'm looking at the big picture, not his individual foot in his individual mouth for an individual instance. when i think back to a typical JS letter, i remember something like this: "...and although i've never actually experienced this in my life, i'm going to pull some obscure pseudo-religious belief out of my ass and tell you to apply it to the situation, and if you don't, you're going to fry in hell for eternity..." think about it... doesn't that sound like a JS letter? he gives REAMS of advice in net.singles, but can he keep a girlfriend (or boyfriend, apparently he hasn't decided how god has made up his mind yet....) it's so goddamn dumb! how could ANYONE actually believe that a boyfriend/girlfriend combination who start to live together "...increase their chance of having sex..."?? i don't know what rock he grew up under, but by the time 99.99132% of the couples i know decide to shack up, the whoop-de-doo has already whoop-de-done! i could go on giving details of his various articles, but let's not make this too long. his articles come in two basic flavors: the "oh pity me, i can't keep a girlfriend, i'm going to open myself up to the and get all of your advice, because you care so much for me" or the above mentioned: "here's some worthless advice, all made up in my pointy little head". personally, i'm getting sick of his articles. not only that, i'm getting sick of having to watch 100 netters come out and tell him what a dufus he really is. it's not the netters fault, SOMEONE has to put him in his place. but does he listen?? NOOOOO! does anyone listen to him? HELL NOOOO!! nobody wants to listen to what he says, and he never listens to what we say!!! what's the point in all of this??? sure, i work for ma bell, and i love to see nincompoops stir up some net-traffic (thank you for calling at&t), but this is too great a price to pay. ok, this is it, we've finally come down the REAL reason i'm doing all of this flaming, the meat of the article. JS is obviously one of those yo-yo's who will believe anything. he believes in speaking in tongues, he believes couples living together "increase their chance of having sex the first time", he believes in this stupid religious thing and another, he believes i will live forever in hell, because his infinitely merciful god is going to send me there. etc. etc. Etc. ETC!! if he believes all of these stupid things, why, oh why!!! can't we get him to believe he should get off the net!!!!!!! think about it, what if by some summation of circumstances, JS says to himself "gee, i should stop writing to the net because...." (or if he happens to be speaking in tongues "qeim, z;lwijf j xcaf xlkjqxtu fhvnbaksj fjwi,zxcnbiu jfh aklxj wrha....") all we have to do is fill in the ...... part!! the man is an imbecile. this should be easy. you want the REAL title of this article?? LET'S HELP JEFF SARGENT KICK HIMSELF OFF THE NET i didn't want jeff to see it, that's why fooled him with the original title. THERE! i've said it. i'll be honest, i've been itching to say that for months!! ha! ha-ha!!! (insane laughter...) ok, i've laid out the ground work, now it's up to YOU GUYS to make it comes true. how? good question. i knew i should have thought this all the way through before i started typing (but god, when you gotta' flame, you GOTTA' FLAME). one thing you could do is pretend to take his advice, and then write him back about it: "...so i did what you advised with with jenny. i guess you weren't kidding about having never been with a live girl before. she dumped me like a rock. why don't you go out in forest somewhere and die. henry" something like that. make him KNOW that if we actually took his stupid advice we'd all be worse off! see what i mean here? enough of those and he'll have some religious experience or whatever he does and say "flzl aljk xlkjwoix." OOPS, wrong tongue, he'd say "gosh, i have made life worse for another human being. as a punishment, i will now ban myself from the net." (if it were only so easy....) another thing you could do is to simply point out he doesn't have the slightest damn idea what he's talking about. people have done this a little bit on the net, but he hasn't quite caught on: "....and if you ever DO make love to a turtle, then, and ONLY THEN will i listen to your advice on the matter!!! tommy" see what i mean here. ONLY JS would come out with very strong opinions on something he knows NOTHING about, so if we tell him we only want to here about things he has DONE, not heard about or thought about, then what the hell can he write about??? sure, we'll get lots of letters like: "...al zxvl w. aj sl jvzxcoij we faslkj zvxcj a;j bvbn jhnf vbxkjl afj vxczl;j nf vxcczkj fasj vj;lxcllnvxjkn kjhv vxckjfdsad sj. jeff" because of his expertise in the area, but what the hell, if you rot13 most of the "speaking in tongue" letters you can figure out most of the words anyway. let's see, what else...... oh yes! almost forgot. if you see him making up some stuff and hiding it behind some pseudo-religious stuff "...and it is WRONG to drink diet coke, because god made coke, and man took the sugar away, and this has ruined one of gods things, you must drink regular coke..." (jesus, i can sound just like him!!), anyway, when you hear these REALLY stupid arguments (the ones that you take down the hall so your buddys can have a laugh to, i know i do...), send him a real quick snappy letter just pointing out at least one thing wrong in his article: "...but god made diet coke too, shit-head. say jeff, why don't you kick yourself off the net, cindy notice the subtle sign off, slightly, *ever so slightly*, getting the idea across to him. there's one other thing you can do, and that's to occasionly actually honest-to-god believe everything he says, and THEN some. make HIM feel like he's going to fry in hell for a change, not only will he kick himself off the net, he'll SHAME himself off the net for being in the presence of one so pure as yourself. "....i too try not to go outside, because of the sin all about. in fact, i have never breathed air, since air is unpure, and i would be sharing it with heathens and sinners and net-people. i live in little space suit, inside a plastic bubble, with my parents - celibate sam and the virgan ethel, i was, of course, an immaculate conception. i suppose you were the product of a natural child birth. (aggggh!) i'm surprised you've gone this long without taking your life, or at least taking yourself off the net. may you fry in hell forever, scum, percy again, notice how subtle percy is being. JS will think he's having one of his normal conversations, but those little messages will keep hedging at him, "get off the net...Get Off The Net....GET THE HELL OF THE GODDAMN NET!!!" one more case: if let's say, for example, you read your net stuff for a day, and JS didn't say ONE thing. NOTHING. what do you do? do you just say "thank god i gave the ol' n key a rest??" hell no. send him a letter, let him know what a nice day it was without him in your life!! ".....and the cookies should be there by USnail in a few days. just my way of saying "thanks for not injecting your idiotic ideas into my day". say, i hear china is lovely this time of the century, ever think of moving there?? that is, if china isn't on the net....., judy (i know *I'D* like him in china) ok, i think that about wraps it up. i'm NOT advocating letter bombing the guy with lots and lots of garbage (not that turnabouts-fair-play would apply in this case!) just keep those subtle hints and reminders everywhere, he's bound to catch some holy-spirit or whatever and finally realize for OUR good he should get off the net. i don't anyone screaming and yelling that "ron kicked JS off the net" or bullshit like that. i want JS to kick himself off the net. a very big difference. i also don't want him to go off and pout in a corner with a "nobody likes me" attitude. sure, it's true, i don't think anyone on the net does like him, but let's not tell him that. i want to make this a nice clean break, both sides happy. there. i've said enough!! you know the mission. you know our goals. i think with a group effort, this can work!! let's get out there and send those cards and letters, drop those subtle hints, let him know how much (0) his advice means to you, and above all, be nice about it.(that was my disclaimer line, in case someone gets upset with me!!) first he leaks the AI-project story to the net, and now this. what are we gonna' do with him???? -at&t management ron (replies to ...!ihnp4!ihdev!rjv) ps: i recommend putting one of these lines in your .signature: JS must go i know JS is wrong i want to stamp out JS in your lifetime a day without JS is like a poundcake without a muffler a JS a day just about ruins it where'd you hear that? JS?? har-har quit laughing! JS said it was true! i said quit laughing!! cwkh klv k zxz koefjh al jh sh eroq akj hx alkjh w akfh vhxk! "two JSs are walking down the road, one turns to the other one and says "your shirt is a sin", and the other one didn't listen." i hate JS a net without JS is like a child without a nuclear reactor with your help, we CAN stop JS say jeff, why don't you leave the net? pps: none of the typos are mine. i ran this through typo(3). it inserts a couple of normal "human looking" typos, so you can't be blamed for ANY of them. % cat flame.JS.jerk | typo > flame.JS.jerk.typo