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From: woods@hao.UUCP (Greg Woods)
Newsgroups: net.singles,net.social
Subject: Re: Meeting the Parents
Message-ID: <1278@hao.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 27-Nov-84 13:33:20 EST
Article-I.D.: hao.1278
Posted: Tue Nov 27 13:33:20 1984
Date-Received: Fri, 30-Nov-84 08:37:25 EST
References: <614@pucc-k> <519@cbosgd.UUCP> <1385@umcp-cs.UUCP>
Organization: High Altitude Obs./NCAR, Boulder CO
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Xref: sdcsvax net.singles:4955 net.social:304


   Since I've just been through this with my new SO, I think I can add to
this discussion. One possibility that no one has suggested so far is, why
not have your SO meet your parents on *your* turf? This is what I did,
when my mother came to visit me for Thanksgiving (my father is dead). 
In this event, the parents have to accept *your* values, so you get
this kind of stuff out of the way and your SO and your parents can
get on to evaluating each other as people. The second suggestion I have
is not to worry about it. If you believe there will be problems, then
you will probably end up creating them so that you can be right about
your belief. (I've seen in the last few weeks just what lengths people
are willing to go to and what suffering they are willing to endure just
to be right about their beliefs, but that is another issue). Just relax,
and don't have any expectations. If you love your parents and your SO,
there is no reason why they shouldn't be predisposed to like each other,
since they all love *you* (hopefully! :-) It's amazing how people create
obstacles to put in their way, before they even come up. I can see from
reading the articles posted on this topic so far that most of you (the earlier
posters) are doing just that.
  In my case, I didn't worry about it, and my mother and sister both
loved my SO, and she liked them as well. We continued sleeping together
while my mother was here (of course, it helped that my mother was staying
at a hotel, which had more to do with the fact that I live in a one
bedroom condo than it did with my SO being there).
  The moral issues never came up, because no one wanted to destroy all the
fun and love we were experiencing.
  The key to all this is not to worry about it. If you do, it is likely
to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Don't say to your mother, "I really
hope you like my SO", as if you were expecting that she might not, and
don't say to your SO, "My mother has never liked any of my girlfriends
before", as if you are expecting the same thing to happen this time.
Go into it realizing that you are the common link here. These people all
care about you, so they already have one very important thing in common.
Exploit this to the max. Expect that they will like each other and they
probably will. Go for it.

--Greg
-- 
{ucbvax!hplabs | allegra!nbires | decvax!stcvax | harpo!seismo | ihnp4!stcvax}
       		        !hao!woods
   
     "...once in a while you can get shown the light
         in the strangest of places if you look at it right..."