Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site decwrl.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!cbosgd!ihnp4!zehntel!dual!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-koala!robins From: robins@koala.DEC (Life is like an analogy) Newsgroups: net.jokes Subject: SARJokes Monday, Dec 3rd, 1984 Message-ID: <122@decwrl.UUCP> Date: Mon, 3-Dec-84 11:26:05 EST Article-I.D.: decwrl.122 Posted: Mon Dec 3 11:26:05 1984 Date-Received: Tue, 4-Dec-84 09:15:51 EST Sender: daemon@decwrl.UUCP Organization: DEC Engineering Network Lines: 71 ***TRUE FACTS*** (ny daily news) Soccer authorities in the african nation of Swaziland announced that a $450 fine would be imposed on anyone found guilty of using witchcraft on the playing field. Apparently, witch doctors often sprinkle "divine water" within the goal of the opposing team and the supporters of that team then urinate in their opponent's goal to negate the charm. "It is very embarrassing to Swaziland" reported one official. (la times) After the soviets shot down one of its 747 airliners, Korean Airlines quickly dropped a magazine advertisement touting its direct service to Korea from various american cities. "Our flights not only seem shorter," said the ad headline, "they are shorter." (miami herald) A large man walked into a tampa, fla coffee shop owned by Joseph Isriel and ordered 5 sandwiches. As Isriel was working on the sandwiches, the man reached over the counter and began stuffing meatballs in his mouth. "When I said something to him," said Isriel, "he told me he was going to shove me into a pickle jar: so i figured what the heck's a few meatballs. The guy had to duck coming through the door. He had shoulders that looked like they belonged to a mack truck." Isriel then asked the man if there would be anything else. "Yeah" he replied."give me the rest of your meatballs." Isriel handed him a bag of meatballs, then said, "What about my money?" "Keep it" he answered, "I just want the food." Then he left. (toronto star) a debate arose amoung vatican authorities over what to do with the 25 feet of intestine removed from the body of pope john paul ii after the may 1981 attempt on his life. the question was whether or not to place the organ in the sacra praecordia, a church where the internal organs of dead popes are stored. the organs, removed during embalming, are kept in terra cotta jars in the basement of the church, near the trevi fountain. (ap) china's official xinhua news agengy has reported that 7 people in zhejiang province have been discovered to have no hair or sweat glands on their bodies. meanwhile, according to the same report, researchers at liaoning university in northeast china are checking more than 30 other chinese whose bodies are almost completely covered with hair. (Cleveland Plain Dealer) Phyllis Kahn criticised 6 of her fellow Minnesota legislators for joining in a recent party game. The lawmakers, among them two Lutheran ministers, held a "staff appreciation" party at a St. Paul's restaurant during which they donned nylon stockings. Then they had their blindfolded secretaries try to identify them by feeling their legs. Rep. Ray Walker, who organized the game, claimed it was harmless, but Kahn insisted "There is obviouly an element of sexual titillation in men wearing nylon stocking having their feet grabbed by blindfolded women on their knees." (AP) An Irish seer who foretold the future by reading women's breasts and bottoms died reccently in London, England. Patrick Cullen, who called himself the "Professor" daubed the breasts and bottoms of female customers with poster paints, then pressed a sheet of paper against them. From the lifesize imprints, he made predictions, a skill he learned from 26 years of world travel. The seer's business was located for many years in a booth on the pier at Hastings, a south England resort. (toronto globe and mail)"this can't be yogurt, inc." has filed a 17.5 million dollar suit against "i can't believe it's yogurt,inc". "this cant be yogurt" was sued last month by "i can't believe its yogurt" for alleged trademark infringments. the suit was filed a day before "this cant be yogurt" was to start a public offering. "this can't be yogurt" is claiming that "i can't believe its yogurt" timed its suit to ruin the others stock offering. (erie, pa morning news)sahib, an elephant at the world wildlife safari in winston, oregon, ate too much mud recently, then ate some rocks as well. the combination caused a concrete-liked formation in his stomach. zookeepers, however, solved the problem with this daily regimen: 15 boxes of ex-lax, 3 cases of apples, 2 cases of lettuce, 2 cases of carrots, 20 pounds of plums, 40 pounds of bananas, 6 gallons of mineral oil, and an enema administered with a garden hose. Mon 3-Dec-1984 11:16 Being dead is bad for business