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From: williams@kirk.DEC (John Williams 223-3402)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Only abusive when threatened
Message-ID: <172@decwrl.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 7-Dec-84 15:31:55 EST
Article-I.D.: decwrl.172
Posted: Fri Dec  7 15:31:55 1984
Date-Received: Sun, 9-Dec-84 06:25:51 EST
Sender: daemon@decwrl.UUCP
Organization: DEC Engineering Network
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> 1)	The familiar is often safer than the unknown 

	But it seems we all have to cross the street. Sometime.
When we're ready. Sometimes fear can work against you. I would 
personally say that anyone who likes to be abused has a greater
fear of rejection. The only people who have a greater fear of 
rejection are the abusers, themselves. I could get into a long 
discussion concerning the uglier nature of mankind driven by 
fear, but I think I will leave that alone for now.

> 2)	Those who get used to {love,abuse} tend to seek
> 	more of the same, their self identity having been
>	formed from their life experiences (I'm not O.K.
>	(I know, because I've been told so all my life))
>	(besides, the making up after the abuse is so
>	good!) 

	More fear of the unknown. A feeling of inadequacy in 
their ability to relate in a different type of relationship, 
perhaps. Perhaps a feeling that the type of constructive 
relationship they want may be too much to hope for. We could get 
into all sorts of issues on self esteem.

> 3)	Since we live in a Patriarchy, women tend to get
>	more abused in childhood then do men, and
>	therefore there is a higher probability of finding
>	abused women than men 

	This is probably the reason why there are more women 
seeing therapists than men. It is this which helps her from being 
pressured into some subservient role. The fact that the women is 
the child bearer does complicate matters, but does not render 
them unresolvable. There are distinct differences between the two 
genders, and the participants have to realize that each has their 
own particular strengths. Let's face it, it takes two to tango. 
In an abusive relationship, the male has a tendency to be more 
physically abusive, and this has been confused in the past as a 
display of superiority. We are beginning to outgrow this. It will 
take some time.

> Patriarchy is the problem.  Only equality will fix it.

	Flatten that baby. The dominance/submission relationship 
is on the way out. Take my word for it. We know too much. It is 
unlikely it will disappear completely, but it will become less 
exaggerated as it has been in the past. We are beginning to 
discover better methods of resolving difficulties. The first 
thing we have to face is fear.

	One of the most contributing factors will be the media we 
will have available for communication. The limiting aspect of 
this is that it must be supported somehow. In it's infancy, it is 
easily exploited, but with the rise of computers and automation, 
we are gaining more direct influence. Witness this very 
newsgroup. Despite the criticism, this newsgroup is one hell of 
an achievement.

> It won't happen this time around.  Maybe after the next nuclear
> war some reasonable species will {evolve,mutate} on this
> planet. 
>				Sunny 

	Yeah, some say that the world will belong to the insects.
The truth of the matter is that our biggest danger is natural 
catastrophe. It provides the opportunity for previously oppressed 
countries to get revenge.

	I don't presume to know what the ultimate fate of the 
world is. I would like to think that we are capable of the vision 
necessary to prevent it's destruction. We are living during very 
critical times in the affairs of mankind. I do not wish to 
contribute to the belief that it will end in annihilation, for I 
feel this would only bring it about. Kind of like a fulfillment 
of prophesy.

	Ending on a slightly more positive note, take a look at 
that thing in front of you. In it, we have the power to 
communicate, to translate, to free us from the burdens of 
individual survival. Wouldn't it be great to have networks 
spanning the globe, with automated translators? How could you 
ever measure the value of something like that in dollars and 
cents? Don't know quite yet, but I'm working on it.

					----{ john williams }----

		< only abusive when threatened >

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