Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site whuxi.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxj!mhuxn!houxm!whuxl!whuxi!ktw From: ktw@whuxi.UUCP (WOLMAN) Newsgroups: net.jokes Subject: Meditations of the Great Swami Bill (A Good Friend of Mine) Message-ID: <162@whuxi.UUCP> Date: Thu, 6-Dec-84 18:48:14 EST Article-I.D.: whuxi.162 Posted: Thu Dec 6 18:48:14 1984 Date-Received: Fri, 7-Dec-84 02:45:19 EST Organization: Bell Labs, Whippany, N.J. Lines: 54 Ten Essential Meditations by Swami Billy These ten essential meditations are designed to lead the user into a state of teleological, existential, ontological, metaphysical, non-homeostatic, neurotic, psychopathic bliss. Practicing them in sequence is extremely important since any single one of them practiced out of sequence could be fatal. + All football players are homosexuals. They are not real men like physicists or astronomers. + Technical writing and sewage treatment are synonymous, analogous, and one and the same. Sewage treatment, however probably pays more. + New Jersey is a preliterate society with its denizens stuck somewhere between Java and Neanderthal phases of evolution. + Water is wet except in New Jersey where it is not because it is not water. It is, instead, a miasmatic myriad of carcinogens, toxins, radioactive wastes, used car parts, and sludge. + The ultimate male sexual fantasy involves diphallic terata, rope, and mayonnaise. + We are all just graffiti on the subway car of life. + Traffic in New Jersey is a form of population control. According to information overload theory, New Jersey residents can't drive and think about it at the same time. + Am I working on the solution or am I part of the problem? + Subscriber loop networking and raw violent sex between fat Lithuanian midgets are one and the same. Alternatively, subscribing to AT&T and being gang- banged by fat Lithuanian midgets are one and the same. WARNING: The tenth and final meditation may only be practiced by male AT&T employees while standing at bathroom urinals. This meditation is proprietary and is not for use or disclosure outside of AT&T and its subsidiaries except under written agreement. + Our future is in our hands.