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From: stevev@tekchips.UUCP (Steve Vegdahl)
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Re: Househusband
Message-ID: <109@tekchips.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 30-Nov-84 16:45:04 EST
Article-I.D.: tekchips.109
Posted: Fri Nov 30 16:45:04 1984
Date-Received: Tue, 4-Dec-84 05:27:21 EST
References: <119@osu-eddie.UUCP> <169@harvard.ARPA>
Distribution: net
Organization: Tektronix, Beaverton OR
Lines: 76

> Three cheers!  I have no children (not even married yet) but am looking
> forward to the experience eagerly.  My fiance and I have talked about it
> and decided that we will have probably 2 (possibly 3) children, that I
> will stay home with them when they are very young (until age 3 or so)
> while he works, then he will stay home with them until school age (age
> 6) while I work.  Possibilities of the current housewife/husband could
> be to do part-time at-home consulting or courses in night school.
> 
> My question is:  has anybody out there done this?  Are there any
> real-life househusbands or ex-househusbands out there (or any wives of
> househusbands!)?  My experience has been that every time I mention this
> plan to anyone (mostly students) they drop their jaw and look
> dumbfounded.  It didn't seem so outrageous to us.

It's not outrageous at all!

During the first 19 months of our eldest son's life, I was his primary
caretaker while my wife worked a full-time job as a metallurgical engineer.
Jeannie took a maternity leave for the first three months of his life,
which included a 5-week airline trip to visit all his grandparents at
Christmastime.  After she went back to work, things were pretty hectic, as
I was trying to finish my thesis research and thesis.  Our schedule went
something like this from 3 months to 11 months:
  3am	(ugh!)I would get up to work on thesis from my home terminal.
  6am   She would get up and nurse him.  I would change him while she
	was expressing milk on the second side.  Then he'd finish off
	the second side.  She'd then get dressed and leave for work.
	He'd go back to bed.
  10am  Philip would wake up for the day.  I would quit working (on thesis).
	I would feed him a bottle (in later months solid food).
	I'd play with him, get things done around the house, often go on
	stroller walks to shop for this or that.
  2pm	He'd get another bottle and go down for a nap.  I would either nap,
	or try to get more thesis work done (usually impossible with the
	machine load at that time of the day) or relax, clean up around
	the house, work on dinner, in the garden, etc.
  5pm	Jeannie would come home and nurse Philip while I put the finishing
	touches on dinner.  Then we would eat.  In the evening, I'd try to
	get a little time in on the thesis again, and then go to bed.  She
	would spend time with Philip, keeping him up 'till around 10 so
	he'd sleep late the next day.

On weekends, I usually went into school to work on the thesis, while she
took care of him, cooked dinner, etc.  She also did most of the laundry
(she enjoys that, while I hate it) except that I did diapers, which is
about the only thing she trusts me with (probably with good reason).

After I finished the first draft of my thesis (11 mo.), the schedule a
became a little more relaxed, but the overall schedule was similar.
When he was about 15 months, I began working part-time (~2 days/wk) and
we put him in day care two days a week.

When he was about 19 months, my wife quit her job (we were planning to
move back west anyway, and it was a good time politically for her to
quit).  Then I started working full-time, and have been doing so since.
Since we've moved west, she has been doing some part-time consulting.

All-in-all my experience at home with Philip was a very positive one.
I'm not sure if I would have felt the same way if I were at home
without any kind of "outside work".  (I was generally either working
on thesis or working part-time.)  It also helped that Philip had a
pretty regular sleeping schedule.

Based on my experience I'd tend to reverse your schedule, having the
father stay home during a good chunk of the 0-3 year time.  Particularly
if the child is an nursing infant, the child will get time with his
mother anyway.  I would also try to ensure that the parent at home
gets some "professional stimulation", such as working part-time; both
working full-time and having small kids, however, is just too hectic
for us.
				********************************
    Steve Vegdahl		      NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR
    Computer Research Lab.		    typos
    Tektronix, Inc.			logical errors
    Beaverton, Oregon		  actions of my pet alligator
				********************************