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From: moiram@tektronix.UUCP
Newsgroups: mod.singles,net.singles
Subject: unconditional love
Message-ID: <1923@nsc.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 30-Nov-84 02:32:20 EST
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Posted: Fri Nov 30 02:32:20 1984
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{moderators note: because of distribution problems with moderated groups in
general I am cross posting mod.singles postings to net.singles. As soon as
I can track down the sites that have forgotten to forward mod.all we can do
away with that again. If you get a message in net.singles that doesn't show
up in mod.singles, please drop me a note to help me track these things
down!  -- chuq]

- - - mod.singles- - -          - - - Volume 1, Issue 25 - - -


> llfe@hound:
> Some of the conditions I deal with are "I love you, but I need some
> peace and quiet/sleep/time alone" and "I love you, so I'm going to
> ruin your life/make you go to school/insert your own phrase for your 
> own good."

These are not conditions.  Remember your if...then...else?  The part
that comes after the "if"  is the condition.  IF  you will be such
and such, THEN I will love you.  See, we all have these expectations
about how others ought to be.   The more importance we attach to the
relationship with a person, the more importance we attach to those
expectations.   The problem with expectations of SOs is that generally 
the expectations (read fantasies) are built early in the relationship,
based on a few clues and a lot of hope.

>> The concept does not deny that there is always "stuff" to be worked
>> out in the relationship.  But it takes that working-out to a more
>> conscious level of asking for what you want, not blackmailing for it.

> Instead of advocating/expecting infinite acceptance of both yourself and
> the person you deal with, I would recommend communication.  Both of the
> "let's sit down and discuss this" type, and the "yell, scream, jump-up-
> and-down" type.  BOTH are positive influences if you are careful.

I thought my paragraph indicated that acceptance and communication are 
not mutally exclusive.  

Moira Mallison
tektronix!moiram


-- 
From the center of a Plaid pentagram:		Chuq Von Rospach
{cbosgd,decwrl,fortune,hplabs,ihnp4,seismo}!nsc!chuqui  nsc!chuqui@decwrl.ARPA

  ~But you know, monsieur, that as long as she wears the claw of the dragon
  upon her breast you can do nothing-- her soul belongs to me!~