Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site decwrl.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!cbosgd!ihnp4!zehntel!dual!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-kirk!williams From: williams@kirk.DEC (John Williams 223-3402) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Parental Archtypical Behaviour Message-ID: <90@decwrl.UUCP> Date: Thu, 29-Nov-84 12:30:34 EST Article-I.D.: decwrl.90 Posted: Thu Nov 29 12:30:34 1984 Date-Received: Sat, 1-Dec-84 05:46:14 EST Sender: daemon@decwrl.UUCP Organization: DEC Engineering Network Lines: 59 Leave the parents out of it. Respond to them as best you can, but don't let them pressure you into anything. They already have a sex life, and naturally think that the thing to do is get married. One of the hardest things to do is to get them to accept you as an equal, with equally valid opinions. Becoming involved in a relationship is too delicate to be done in any other way than completely voluntary. Part of the process of maturity is learning to outgrow peer pressure. When you left the protective sanctuary of their support, you took on the responsibility of making your own mistakes. You simply can't let your parents `` screen '' your partners for you, it is simply a lesson you need to experience first hand. Remember, it is a two way process. Your parents are concerned with your well being, and probably won't let go unless they feel you are capable of taking care of yourself. What they say to you should be taken purely as advice, and not as a transferral of their moral values. Chances are that your values are very similar anyways, the only difference being that you may practice ( practice before practical ) them a little differently. Tell yourself that meeting the parents is no big deal. It is really no different than meeting your partner's other friends. Of course, we know better than that, but it is a good way to approach the situation. This attitude may help relieve alot of the pressure and make it easier to relate to them as equals. This is something they probably already know, and chances are, they will think more highly of you for recognizing it. You can put them at ease by letting them know that your emotional well being doesn't depend on their approval. They are only human, like yourself. The only meaningful communication that can occur is when you treat them on equal terms. Let them know that the relationship is between your partner and you, and that their personal opinions really won't affect what happens with it. Meeting them is completely voluntary. Any association with them is completely voluntary. The whole thing is completely voluntary. This will make you more responsible for your actions. If anything goes wrong, you will only have each other to blame. It will save alot of grief and misery in identifying your problems. After all, it is your life. You are the one who ultimately has to live with it. Depending on others for your emotional stability will only lead to guilt transfer. And that can be a real nightmare. Just show that you are capable of feeling on your own. ----{ john williams }---- < We stand together as individuals > (DEC E-NET) KIRK::WILLIAMS (UUCP) {decvax, ucbvax, allegra}!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-kirk!williams (ARPA) williams%kirk.DEC@decwrl.ARPA williams%kirk.DEC@Purdue-Merlin.ARPA