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From: 258ebe@ucla-cs.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: ADVICE ON CHOOSING A MISTRESS
Message-ID: <2679@ucla-cs.ARPA>
Date: Fri, 7-Dec-84 22:22:44 EST
Article-I.D.: ucla-cs.2679
Posted: Fri Dec  7 22:22:44 1984
Date-Received: Sun, 9-Dec-84 06:14:23 EST
References: <153@nybcb.UUCP>
Reply-To: 258ebe@ucla-cs.UUCP (Greg Ebert.  I prefer young women)
Organization: UCLA Computer Science Department
Lines: 77

In article <153@nybcb.UUCP> drennan@nybcb.UUCP (drennan) writes:
>
>	My advice to Mark would be to try older women.  Ben Franklin was
>a great advocate of this course of action, and ole Ben knew a good thing
>when he saw it.
>
	Well, here is ol' Ben's advice, taken from a letter he wrote
       to a young lad who had trouble getting laid ( sounds like a
       antique nerd ! ). I found it in my text from a history class
       I took here a UCLA last year. Enjoy :




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	      Advice to a Young Man on the Choice of a Mistress
	      -------------------------------------------------

			     By Benjamin Franklin          June 25, 1745


     [  some deleted stuff went here, not important ]

       But if you will not take this counsel, and persist in thinking
   a commerce with the sex inevitable, then I repeat my former advice,
   that in all your amours you should prefer older women to young ones.
   You call this a paradox, and demand my reasons. They are these :

      1. Because as they have more knowledge of the world and their
     minds are better stor'd with observations, their conversation
     is more improving and more lastingly agreeable.

      2. Because when women cease to be handsome they study to be good.
      To maintain their influence over men they supply the dimunition of
      beauty by augmentation of utility. They learn to do a 1000 services
      small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all friends
      when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is
      hardly such a thing as an old women who is not a good woman.

      3. Because there is no hazard of children, which irregularly produc'd
      may be attended with much inconvenience.

      4. Because thro' more experience, they are more prudent and discreet
      in conducting an intrigue to prevent suspicion. The commerce with
      them is therefore safer with regard to your reputation. And in regard
      to theirs, if the affair should happen to be known, considerate
      people might rather inclin'd to excuse an old woman who would kindly
      take care of a young man, form his manners by her good counsels, and
      prevent his ruining his health and fortune among mercenary prostitutes.

      5. Because in every animal that walks upright, the deficiency of the
      fluids that fill the muscles appears first in the highest part: the
      face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the neck; then the breast
      and arms; the lower parts continuing to the last as plump as ever:
      so that covering all the above with a basket, and regarding only
      what is below the girdle, it is impossible of two women to know
      an old from a young one. And as in the dark all cats are grey, the
      pleasure of corporal enjoyment with an old woman is at least equal,
      and frequently superior, every knack being better by practice
      capable of improvement.

       6. Because the sin is less. The debauching of a virgin may be her
       ruin, and make her for life unhappy.

       7. Because the compunction is less. The having made a young girl
       miserable may give you frequent bitter reflections; none of which
       can attend the making an old woman happy.

       8[thly and lastly] They are so grateful !!!!

	Thus much for my paradox. But I still advise you to marry directly.
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      "The opinions above are not mine at all!"