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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!allegra!rayssd!hxe
From: hxe@rayssd.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.motss
Subject: Re: Biological basis for homosexuality?
Message-ID: <606@rayssd.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 10-Dec-84 12:36:26 EST
Article-I.D.: rayssd.606
Posted: Mon Dec 10 12:36:26 1984
Date-Received: Tue, 11-Dec-84 03:27:48 EST
References: <677@amdahl.UUCP>
Organization: Raytheon Co., Portsmouth RI
Lines: 60

I am replying to Steve Dyer's original posting, not to Gordon Moffett's
followups.  Steve asked a question that was disturbing to me because, no
matter how hard I tried, I could not answer it for myself.  His question
(paraphrased) was, "What would you do if you found out, while your child
was in the womb, that he/she was homosexual?"  (Actually, he asked it in
a general way and I took it personally because I believe that that's the
best way to approach any theoretical problem.)

Suppose I'm pregnant and have a routine amnioscentesis (sp?) done for
whatever reason.  Without my asking, the doctor volunteers the informa-
tion that my child is a boy with genetic "homosexual tendencies." (This
is in Steve's scenario; I'm not just finding a farfetched story here!)
Like it or not, and with all my best *intellectual* intentions over-ridden
by gut instinct, you can bet that I'm going to treat him differently.  I'm
not going to *want* to, mind you, but I'm human.  I will have been told
that he's 'different' and that will affect me, as I assert that it would
affect anyone in that situation.  I'm already scared to death of raising
a child because I want him/her to be non-sexist, peace-loving, non-racist,
non-homophobic, non-anything-bad, etc.  (In other words, perfect.)  *Now*
I'm faced with trying to provide my son a non-heterosexual-stereotypical
upbringing and I have no experience.  How many words/actions/thoughts/values
that we pass on to our children assume that they are heterosexual?  All.
I would probably turn to all my gay friends and ask them, "What would you
like to have heard and how would you like to have been treated when you
were growing up?  Anything different?"

And therein lies the other problem.  I don't want to treat my son
'differently'.  I want him to be like any other kid, for his sake.  I also
don't want to make any false assumptions on his behalf about his sexual
preference based on some hormonal test performed before he was born.  I
know a man (my old roommate) who was gay from the age of 14 to the age
of 22 and then decided he was straight again.  I don't know why he decided
to be straight again, but I do know that he decided to be gay because he
was told by his gay sister and her gay husband (none of my business why
they married) *from the time he was about 5 years old* that he was gay.
I'm not making any judgements here and I'm not assuming that he was either
"really gay" or "really straight" or somewhere in between.  All I know is
that he made (what he thought to be) a conscious decision to be gay because
he was told he was.  He decided later that it wasn't right for him.  How
did you all decide you were gay?  Was it your own decision?  All I'm
saying here is that I don't think it's the job of a parent to tell a child
what his sexual preference is.  Then again, don't they really do that
already by assuming everyone is heterosexual?

See why I'm confused?  Of course the problem doesn't exist for me, or for
anyone for that matter.  Not yet.  But Steve is right to bring it up for
discussion *now*, not when it's too late.  Remember that I'm someone who
wouldn't mind (I say now) a gay child; I just don't want to screw up his
upbringing.  What about the people who would really persecute a child
they thought was gay from birth on?

No answers, just questions.
-- 
--Heather Emanuel {allegra, decvax!brunix, linus, ccice5} rayssd!hxe
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   I don't think my company *has* an opinion, so the ones in this
                  article are obviously my own.
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"Such a foolish notion, that war is called devotion,
 when the greatest warriors are the ones who stand for peace."