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From: moiram@tektronix.UUCP
Newsgroups: mod.singles
Subject: Unconditional Love
Message-ID: <1818@nsc.UUCP>
Date: Sat, 3-Nov-84 18:38:39 EST
Article-I.D.: nsc.1818
Posted: Sat Nov  3 18:38:39 1984
Date-Received: Sun, 4-Nov-84 00:11:18 EST
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Approved: chuqui@nsc.UUCP

- - - mod.singles- - -          - - - Volume 1, Issue 21 - - -

>> The real trick is to try to love each other as we "are", and try
>> not to project your "ideals" and then relate to them, but to
>> relate instead to the persons themselves.  When relationships are
>> built on unconditional love, rather than the conditional variety
           ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>          ?????????????    You must be Kidding!

>> (I love you {when,if} you...), then true security can occur. 
                                           ^^^^^^^^

>	Why not walk up to the first stranger you see 
> and get married? C'mon, be realistic! The major problem I've had 
> with relationships is that people try too hard to be accepting, 
> and as a result, hold in the resentment too long to talk about it 
> reasonably. If something bothers you about your partner, Speak 
> up! Now! While it doesn't bother too much. Otherwise, hold your 
> breath and wait for something to happen.

At the risk of being cliche, "trying is failing".  If a person IS 
accepting, there is no resentment building and none of the 
unfortunate consequences.

The concept of unconditional love hasn't to do with withholding 
feelings; it has to do with accepting another person as a real 
person with faults and foibles and loving them as they ARE,
instead of having an investment in him/her being some other way.
That is, expecting the person to change to fit your idea of how
s/he SHOULD be.

The concept does not deny that there is always "stuff" to be worked
out in the relationship.  But it takes that working-out to a more
conscious level of asking for what you want, not blackmailing for it.

Moira Mallison
tektronix!moiram


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