Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/17/84 chuqui version 1.7 9/23/84; site nsc.UUCP
Path: utzoo!decvax!decwrl!amd!nsc!hplabs!hao!woods
From: woods@hao.UUCP ( Greg Bucket Woods )
Newsgroups: mod.singles
Subject: Re: Your friends and your SO
Message-ID: <1698@nsc.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 23-Oct-84 06:08:39 EDT
Article-I.D.: nsc.1698
Posted: Tue Oct 23 06:08:39 1984
Date-Received: Tue, 23-Oct-84 17:18:27 EDT
Sender: chuqui@nsc.UUCP
Lines: 31
Approved: chuqui@nsc.UUCP

- - - mod.singles- - -          - - - Volume 1, Issue 12 - - -

   My last failed relationship drove home the point to me that it is very
important that your SO feel comfortable hanging around the people *you*
hang around with (and vice versa). We were very much in love, but the
relationship still did not succeed, for reasons that I used to consider
unimportant, but not any more. My former SO had a much lower socioeconomic
and educational level than most of my friends and I. It never occurred to
me that this could be a problem. I considered it relatively trivial compared
to the emotional and sexual compatibility that we seemed to have. I also
assumed that the upgrade in lifestyle living with me would be a positive
thing for her. Instead I think it made her feel uncomfortably dependent on
me because she could not have maintained that level of "luxury" on her own
(I never considered myself rich, but I'm not poor either, as she apparently
was before meeting me). Also, she was sure none of my main group of friends,
who are mostly college-educated computer types like me, liked her. My friends
assured me this was not so when I asked them, but nevertheless it made her feel
very uncomfortable. She didn't feel like she belonged to that group, except
by being my girlfriend (which was probably true, whatever my friends may say
in the interests of love, peace and harmony). But it doesn't matter whether
my friends accepted her or not; she didn't *feel* accepted.
  So, my answer to Deevie would have to be, not only *should* you encourage
your SO to become friends with your friends, it may be necessary for the 
success of your relationship.

--Greg

-- 
Mod.singles postings should be mailed to 'nsc!singles'
administrivia should be mailed to 'nsc!singles-request'
nsc talks to {cbosgd,decwrl,fortune,hplabs,ihnp4,seismo}