Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/17/84 chuqui version 1.7 9/23/84; site nsc.UUCP Path: utzoo!decvax!decwrl!sun!idi!nsc!ihnp4!tektronix!moiram From: moiram@tektronix.UUCP Newsgroups: mod.singles Subject: Unconditional Love Message-ID: <1818@nsc.UUCP> Date: Sat, 3-Nov-84 18:38:39 EST Article-I.D.: nsc.1818 Posted: Sat Nov 3 18:38:39 1984 Date-Received: Sun, 4-Nov-84 00:11:18 EST Sender: chuqui@nsc.UUCP Lines: 43 Approved: chuqui@nsc.UUCP - - - mod.singles- - - - - - Volume 1, Issue 21 - - - >> The real trick is to try to love each other as we "are", and try >> not to project your "ideals" and then relate to them, but to >> relate instead to the persons themselves. When relationships are >> built on unconditional love, rather than the conditional variety ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ > ????????????? You must be Kidding! >> (I love you {when,if} you...), then true security can occur. ^^^^^^^^ > Why not walk up to the first stranger you see > and get married? C'mon, be realistic! The major problem I've had > with relationships is that people try too hard to be accepting, > and as a result, hold in the resentment too long to talk about it > reasonably. If something bothers you about your partner, Speak > up! Now! While it doesn't bother too much. Otherwise, hold your > breath and wait for something to happen. At the risk of being cliche, "trying is failing". If a person IS accepting, there is no resentment building and none of the unfortunate consequences. The concept of unconditional love hasn't to do with withholding feelings; it has to do with accepting another person as a real person with faults and foibles and loving them as they ARE, instead of having an investment in him/her being some other way. That is, expecting the person to change to fit your idea of how s/he SHOULD be. The concept does not deny that there is always "stuff" to be worked out in the relationship. But it takes that working-out to a more conscious level of asking for what you want, not blackmailing for it. Moira Mallison tektronix!moiram -- Mod.singles postings should be mailed to 'nsc!singles' administrivia should be mailed to 'nsc!singles-request' nsc talks to {cbosgd,decwrl,fortune,hplabs,ihnp4,seismo}