Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Posting-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83 based; site houxm.UUCP
Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxj!houxm!gregbo
From: gregbo@houxm.UUCP (Greg Skinner)
Newsgroups: net.singles,net.kids
Subject: Re: Re: Interracial Dating
Message-ID: <934@houxm.UUCP>
Date: Sat, 13-Oct-84 05:04:12 EDT
Article-I.D.: houxm.934
Posted: Sat Oct 13 05:04:12 1984
Date-Received: Sun, 14-Oct-84 06:58:12 EDT
References: <3860@decwrl.UUCP>
Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ
Lines: 92
I will make every effort not to misquote.
> From: chabot@amber.DEC (Lisa S. Chabot)
>> Doug Hosking
>> I think the worst part of interracial relationships is the possibility of
>> having children. Hold the flames... (Ouch!) I have nothing against this
>> personally. My only real concern is that the kids that may result from this
>> relationship are very likely to get LOTS of abuse from other kids. It's
>> bad enough being a kid if you stand out at all from the others, but it seems
>> to be 10 times as bad if you're of a "different" race.
I said something a while back about bringing up kids where the parents have
different religious backgrounds or beliefs, and I think the same applies to
here. Kids do get lots of abuse from other kids (perhaps because of opinions
inflicted upon them by parents, but perhaps due to television or just plain
peer pressure) and being the offspring of a mixed marriage might make one
"different" (in looks, personality, etc.). I know something of what it is
like to be teased at an early age -- wearing thick glasses, being tall and
smarter than everyone else (up until high school) tends to make one stand out
in a disfavorable way to other kids. I don't know if being the offspring of
a mixed marriage is any worse than this, but it's no better.
>> If you're an Oriental woman and you want to marry a black man, it's no big
>> deal. It's a conscious decision for both of you, and if it's what you both
>> want, that's great. You've made the decision to live with the harassment
>> you're likely to get from others, and presumably believe you can cope with
>> it. But what about your children ? They have no say in the matter at all.
>> Almost no matter where you live, they're going to stand out as being
>> different, and they may have a lot of trouble dealing with the abuse that's
>> bound to result. I'm not sure I'd want to subject someone to a childhood
>> like that.
> Well, I'm certain I wouldn't want to subject anyone to a childhood resulting
> in an adulthood so much tainted with lurking racial prejudice.
I'm not sure what you mean here, but I agree with the reasons Doug stated
above. If I wanted to marry out of my race, religion or whatever, I am making
a conscious decision and so is my wife-to-be, to cope with the difficulties
involved. However, kids are different. (If you're lucky) you can bring them
up to appreciate the fact that they are different and teach them that anyone
who feels that being different is wrong is ignorant and not worth thinking
about. However, the harsh cold reality is that many people are going to be
ignorant, and it is asking a lot from the kids to put up with that kind of
constant abuse until they are sufficiently equipped to deal with it themselves.
(I'll probably get flamed at for the above, but although I'd like nothing
better than to conquer all ignorance, I must be realistic and realize that it
DOES exist, and is difficult to overcome.)
... more from Lisa, probably sarcastic ...
> Actually, kids like kids. They have to be taught that this neat new person
> who's the same height and has the same interests and is otherwise interesting,
> is really icky. Adults teach them that "different" skin colors are ugly.
Yeah, but who's going to teach them? Ok, you, your husband, perhaps some of
your relatives, friends and neighbors. You can't really count on anyone else
though, and more than likely they will teach your kids the opposite, that
they are different.
I'm not so sure of the above either ("Kids like kids"). I don't know, perhaps
it might be my own experience. (First of all, let's define kids here -- I
think you might be thinking of young children, perhaps 5-10. I think I am
thinking of 11-16. Perhaps I am in error here, because by the time someone is
about 13, they have developed most of the personality they will carry for the
rest of their lives.) Anyhow, if we're talking about young kids, you're prob-
ably right, because at a young age kids are mostly into playing (I know I was)
and not into looks or anything else. Perhaps it has something to do with
the coming of adolescence, when kids start looking at themselves and each
other and becoming conscious of their appearances that they find other kids
who are different, ugly. I know that when I turned 11 I started getting a lot
of flak for being tall, wearing glasses, and being smarter than everyone else,
and it lasted up until 15 I guess (I wasn't smarter than everyone else any-
more :-) but the point is that somewhere along the line, the "differences"
will start to make a difference among kids and it would be nice to minimize
the differences.
Note: I'm not saying that I wouldn't marry someone of another color and have
kids or anything like that. I'm just saying that it's a step that requires
some consideration and shouldn't be dismissed so quickly. It's easy to say
"I'll do this if this situation comes up" but it's much harder to acutally
do those things, because most of the time you'r thinking "It'll never happen
to ME!"
I welcome other people's comments, especially those who can speak from exper-
ience.
--
Hug me till you drug me, honey!
Greg Skinner (gregbo)
{allegra,cbosgd,ihnp4}!houxm!gregbo