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From: aeq@pucc-h (Jeff Sargent)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Re ** 2: What's an SO-ship Anyway? - (nf)
Message-ID: <1212@pucc-h>
Date: Tue, 18-Sep-84 23:39:40 EDT
Article-I.D.: pucc-h.1212
Posted: Tue Sep 18 23:39:40 1984
Date-Received: Tue, 25-Sep-84 08:36:09 EDT
References: <26600108@uiucdcs.UUCP>
Organization: Tucumcari Divinity School
Lines: 51

From Ken Kaufman (uiucdcs!kaufman):

> An SO-ship between non-"friends" is mind-boggling.  The two would claim to
> be committed to each other, while feeling no bond, sharing, or warmth....
> Seriously, why would they have made and kept such commitments
> without the necessary building blocks of friendship?

I was thinking of the archetypal case of the macho guy with his fast car or
motorcycle coupled with a neurotic, airheaded chick; the relationship being
based largely on the fact that each relieves the other's aloneness and sexual
desires, with little other sharing.

> I only met you once, but from what I could tell, you had no more problems
> than the rest of us - except perhaps your self-image and confidence.

Remember:  one pastime I enjoy is little theatre.  Like Ronald Reagan, I'm
an actor!

>> The snag for some of us (well, me at least) is that it would feel very good
>> to have a woman commit -- give -- herself to me, but the thought of
>> reciprocating is scary as all hell.

> Why?  Doesn't it make you feel good to do nice things for people for whom
> you care?

Here again I demonstrate my utter lack of humanity.  The only question is
whether I answer that question "No!", or whether I answer "There is no one I
really care for"; the effect is the same.  There are certainly a number of
people that I have FEELINGS of concern and compassion for, but I sure wish
they'd go to someone else with their wants and needs.  As I wrote a little
while ago in response to a Ken Perlow article, I'm the most self-centered SOB
under the sun.

> Or are you scared of the thought that you might not be able to
> provide what she wants/needs?  Know yourself, your abilities and limitations,
> and you will know what you can or can't provide for a would-be SO.  If you
> can't, well, then she probably wasn't right for you anyway.

I don't think I can meet the needs/wants of ANY woman for the long haul.  Thus
it's more a case of I'm not right for them.  There are plenty of women who
could be, if not "right", at least good for me.  But I don't see that I could
possibly be good for them.

The snag is that I have to somehow be convinced that the benefits of getting
away from this self-centeredness would outweigh the immense costs -- i.e. the
self-centeredness is self-perpetuating.

-- 
-- Jeff Sargent
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