Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 Fluke 8/7/84; site fluke.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxj!houxm!vax135!cornell!uw-beaver!ssc-vax!fluke!tron From: tron@fluke.UUCP (Peter Barbee) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Sex and SOs Message-ID: <732@vax1.fluke.UUCP> Date: Fri, 21-Sep-84 15:18:15 EDT Article-I.D.: vax1.732 Posted: Fri Sep 21 15:18:15 1984 Date-Received: Wed, 26-Sep-84 03:01:46 EDT Organization: John Fluke Mfg. Co., Everett, WA Lines: 47 I've been taking part in an ongoing discussion about female and male roles and how male/female liberation affects love relatonships. I thought I would mention two (or is it three) points that came up last night. The statement was made (and I agree with it) that you shouldn't look for happiness in a relationship but rather bring happiness to the relationship. To me this relates to the passages chuqui quoted from that book (sorry) about being responsible for one's own happiness. This is an easy concept to accept intellectually (oh aren't we good at being intellectual), but can be harder to handle at the gut, emotional level. We also discussed how the love that I feel directed at me by my SO is really my own love that she has let me see (or led me to see, or however you want to phrase it). I start thinking of some of the other requirements of a loving relationship, chiefly that to love another I must first love myself. It also makes me think that if I could see my love within me I wouldn't depend on my SO for it. This is not to say that I wouldn't need/want my lover but that this could allow more freedom and less dependance. I see both of these qualities desirable but won't talk to why right now because of length restrictons. I said I would talk about sex; What I need (inside of me) to enjoy sex is a feeling of love from my partner. How strong this feeling of love is is a gray area, I don't need to here the words "I love you" but the words "you're kinda cute" won't do. I don't need (or usually want) to feel that we'll be spending the rest of our lives together, that will come if it's going to but let's enjoy our lives now. I must apologize, I had about 6 trillion salient points to make when I started writing but right now they aren't coming to mind so I'll end this here and hope that maybe this discussion will continue. One final reqeust, I enjoy reading what people have to say about their experience much more than I like reading about what people think others might be feeling. Comprende' tu? Peter Barbee decvax-+-uw-beaver-+ ihnp4--+ allegra-+ ucbvax----lbl-csam-+--fluke!tron sun-+ ssc-vax-+