Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site randvax.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxj!ihnp4!zehntel!hplabs!sdcrdcf!randvax!edhall From: edhall@randvax.UUCP (Ed Hall) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: What is sensitivity good for anyway? Message-ID: <2003@randvax.UUCP> Date: Tue, 25-Sep-84 17:43:42 EDT Article-I.D.: randvax.2003 Posted: Tue Sep 25 17:43:42 1984 Date-Received: Fri, 28-Sep-84 05:33:59 EDT References: randvax.1989, randvax.1970, <2647@mit-eddie.UUCP>, <1318@browngr.UUCP>, <9649@brunix.UUCP> Organization: Rand Corp., Santa Monica Lines: 46 My experience is that the more immature and self-centered someone is, the more they are likely to experience a breakup as ``getting their teeth kicked in.'' Often there is no one to blame, but an immature person needs to find blame, and needs to exorcize the feeling of rejection by fixing that blame solely on the other person. Breaking up hurts--no doubt about that--but this hurt does not mean one has been emotionally assaulted. I've seen plenty of men invite ``kicks in the teeth'' by using their SO to buttress their sagging egos and bandage emotional insecurities, acting as if it was their SO's *duty* to do so. If things don't work out, their SO is in a no-win situation, and these guys work at making sure it stays that way. I've seen lots of men who sob ``what did *I* do to deserve this?'' when the problem was just that--they did damn little to maintain the relationship, only to turn into crybabies when their SO decides she wants a relationship with a more mutual give-and- take. An outrageous generalization, you say? I did *not* say all men are this way--most aren't. And I did *not* say that no women are immature like this, or that there aren't some women who have it in for men and actually want to kick their teeth in--there certainly are, and I've met some. But I try to keep open eyes and an open mind, and an open shoulder to cry on; I'm just reporting my experiences and observations. What does this have to do with ``sensitivity''?? Well, it seems that a lot of people feel that the emotional fragility and insecurity that goes with being immature and self-centered is ``sensitivity''. It can be, conditionally, since unless a person's self-centeredness is complete they usually can empathize with someone else when it suits them, unlike someone who denies emotions and can't deal with them. But the flip-side of this ``sensitivity'' is not so pretty. When the chips are down, you know just what such a person is going to be ``sensitive'' to. Am I saying that I believe insecurities and emotional vulnerability are bad? No way! I think they are part of the very foundation of what makes a relationship good. But when trust and mutual respect take a back seat to emotional need, something or someone is not healthy. So far as whether I'm really sensitive or just bogusly so, or whether Rich Yampell is undeservedly picked on by women or is inviting having his teeth kicked in, I'll let everyone draw their own conclusions. (Oh, and thanks, Chuq!) -Ed Hall decvax!randvax!edhall