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From: tron@fluke.UUCP (Peter Barbee)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Sex and SOs
Message-ID: <732@vax1.fluke.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 21-Sep-84 15:18:15 EDT
Article-I.D.: vax1.732
Posted: Fri Sep 21 15:18:15 1984
Date-Received: Wed, 26-Sep-84 03:01:46 EDT
Organization: John Fluke Mfg. Co., Everett, WA
Lines: 47


I've been taking part in an ongoing discussion about female and male
roles and how male/female liberation affects love relatonships.
I thought I would mention two (or is it three) points that came up last
night. 

The statement was made (and I agree with it) that you shouldn't look
for happiness in a relationship but rather bring happiness to the 
relationship.   To me this relates to the passages chuqui quoted from
that book (sorry) about being responsible for one's own happiness.  This
is an easy concept to accept intellectually (oh aren't we good at being
intellectual), but can be harder to handle at the gut, emotional level.

We also discussed how the love that I feel directed at me by my SO is
really my own love that she has let me see (or led me to see, or however
you want to phrase it).  I start thinking of some of the other requirements
of a loving relationship, chiefly that to love another I must first love
myself.  It also makes me think that if I could see my love within me I
wouldn't depend on my SO for it.  This is not to say that I wouldn't
need/want my lover but that this could allow more freedom and less dependance.
I see both of these qualities desirable but won't talk to why right now
because of length restrictons.


I said I would talk about sex;
What I need (inside of me) to enjoy sex is a feeling of love from
my partner.  How strong this feeling of love is is a gray area, I don't
need to here the words "I love you" but the words "you're kinda cute"
won't do. I don't need (or usually want) to feel that we'll be spending
the rest of our lives together,  that will come if it's going to but
let's enjoy our lives now.   I must apologize, I had about 6 trillion
salient points to make when I started writing but right now they aren't
coming to mind so I'll end this here and hope that maybe this discussion
will continue. 

One final reqeust, I enjoy reading what people have to say about their
experience much more than I like reading about what people think others
might be feeling.  Comprende' tu?

Peter Barbee

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