Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site abnjh.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!seismo!hao!hplabs!sdcrdcf!sdcsvax!akgua!whuxlm!spuxll!abnjh!lute From: lute@abnjh.UUCP (J. Collymore) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: book:catching men (Picking up on Women's Signals, Part I) Message-ID: <885@abnjh.UUCP> Date: Thu, 11-Oct-84 11:55:22 EDT Article-I.D.: abnjh.885 Posted: Thu Oct 11 11:55:22 1984 Date-Received: Sat, 13-Oct-84 06:38:34 EDT References: <890@ihuxe.UUCP>, <2345@sdcc3.UUCP> Organization: ATTIS, NJ Lines: 38 > Call me chicken. Call me shy. In the past, whenever I tried to pickup on > a woman (yes, that's what I tried to do) I would always try to find out > whether or not she had a boyfriend. If she didn't, but still expressed > intrests in other guys, I would wait for her to make a decision on how > the relationship should go. (She usually ended up going out with the > other guy, but I gained a friend every time.) > > -- > ihnp4--\ fritzz the Zebra There is something here that catches my eye, because I used to confuse women's signals also. The crucial mistake was when I found out a woman was more or less available, I would then also, "wait for her to make a decision on how the relationship should go." THAT, my friend, was the mistake! You say you were trying to pick up her signals. Well, she is also reading yours at the same time. And what she is "reading" from you when you "give her this freedom to choose," is "Gee, if he were REALLY interested in me he'd be making a bigger fuss, and wouldn't be so casual about the possibility of me choosing someone else to go out with." Therefore, she ends up picking another guy. One who "appears" more interested in her than you do! You are the one who loses out. I realize that "giving" her this option to choose seems to be liberated, and egalitarian, but since we are talking about courtship, NOT politics, be sure you are using the right set of rules to play by. In other words, make her feel free to choose her "suitor(s)," but after doing that, followup with asking her out on dates, or flirtation, compliments, etc. In short, make her feel desired by you. (But remember not to act like a clinging vine, or a vulture circling overhead!) You may not always get the woman you want, but believe me, you'll probably do better than you have up to now. Jim Collymore