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From: edhall@randvax.UUCP (Ed Hall)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: What is sensitivity good for anyway?
Message-ID: <2003@randvax.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 25-Sep-84 17:43:42 EDT
Article-I.D.: randvax.2003
Posted: Tue Sep 25 17:43:42 1984
Date-Received: Fri, 28-Sep-84 05:33:59 EDT
References: randvax.1989, randvax.1970, <2647@mit-eddie.UUCP>, <1318@browngr.UUCP>, <9649@brunix.UUCP>
Organization: Rand Corp., Santa Monica
Lines: 46

My experience is that the more immature and self-centered someone is, the
more they are likely to experience a breakup as ``getting their teeth
kicked in.''  Often there is no one to blame, but an immature person needs
to find blame, and needs to exorcize the feeling of rejection by fixing
that blame solely on the other person.  Breaking up hurts--no doubt about
that--but this hurt does not mean one has been emotionally assaulted.

I've seen plenty of men invite ``kicks in the teeth'' by using their
SO to buttress their sagging egos and bandage emotional insecurities,
acting as if it was their SO's *duty* to do so.  If things don't work
out, their SO is in a no-win situation, and these guys work at making
sure it stays that way.  I've seen lots of men who sob ``what did *I*
do to deserve this?'' when the problem was just that--they did damn
little to maintain the relationship, only to turn into crybabies when
their SO decides she wants a relationship with a more mutual give-and-
take.

An outrageous generalization, you say?  I did *not* say all men are
this way--most aren't.  And I did *not* say that no women are immature
like this, or that there aren't some women who have it in for men and
actually want to kick their teeth in--there certainly are, and I've met
some.  But I try to keep open eyes and an open mind, and an open
shoulder to cry on; I'm just reporting my experiences and observations.

What does this have to do with ``sensitivity''??  Well, it seems that
a lot of people feel that the emotional fragility and insecurity that
goes with being immature and self-centered is ``sensitivity''.  It can
be, conditionally, since unless a person's self-centeredness is complete
they usually can empathize with someone else when it suits them, unlike
someone who denies emotions and can't deal with them.  But the flip-side
of this ``sensitivity'' is not so pretty.  When the chips are down, you
know just what such a person is going to be ``sensitive'' to.

Am I saying that I believe insecurities and emotional vulnerability
are bad?  No way!  I think they are part of the very foundation of
what makes a relationship good.  But when trust and mutual respect
take a back seat to emotional need, something or someone is not
healthy.

So far as whether I'm really sensitive or just bogusly so, or whether
Rich Yampell is undeservedly picked on by women or is inviting having
his teeth kicked in, I'll let everyone draw their own conclusions.
(Oh, and thanks, Chuq!)

		-Ed Hall
		decvax!randvax!edhall