Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83 based; site homxa.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!bonnie!akgua!whuxlm!whuxl!houxm!homxa!carson From: carson@homxa.UUCP (P.CARSTENSEN) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: friends and intimacy Message-ID: <435@homxa.UUCP> Date: Wed, 10-Oct-84 17:27:45 EDT Article-I.D.: homxa.435 Posted: Wed Oct 10 17:27:45 1984 Date-Received: Thu, 11-Oct-84 08:14:59 EDT References: <584@pucc-i>, <752@vax1.fluke.UUCP> Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ Lines: 27 OK--some reasons for being friends but not being lovers. (And don't expect a lot of precision of statement here, because it's stuff I have gotten into terms *I* understand and don't want to force into greater precision, particularly, OK?) (1)You don't trust yourself just now--you just got out of a good/bad situation, you don't know what you want next, but are very sure you don't want to end up looking like a jerk/fool by your indecision (2)I have a number of friends with whom the vibes at distance X are very good (I like the way their minds work, I like the way their bodies move, I think they are all around NICE people)...and I'm also pretty sure that the harmonics that would become operative at distance X-1 would wreck us both up (3)I know that nothing is risk-free, BUT I'm not willing to mess up a good friendship by becoming lovers (actually I've been lucky--most of my former lovers have stayed good friends, but I can understand the concern) (4)This sort of take in the above--"intimacy" adds another layer to your friendship => requires more time/effort/etc. which you may not have to spare at the moment Note: I'm not saying that being lovers and friends is separate. I can't imagine "intimacy" with an un-friend, either. I'm just saying that one may legitimately feel that the dubious proposition of being lovers may not be worth the risk of obvious wonders of the (KNOWN!) friendship. Patty