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From: edhall@randvax.UUCP (Ed Hall)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Monogamy???
Message-ID: <2044@randvax.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 8-Oct-84 16:46:33 EDT
Article-I.D.: randvax.2044
Posted: Mon Oct  8 16:46:33 1984
Date-Received: Wed, 10-Oct-84 06:16:17 EDT
References: <485@watdcsu.UUCP>
Organization: Rand Corp., Santa Monica
Lines: 46

] I fail to understand why it perfectly acceptable, perhaps even required,
] for a person to deeply love:
]
]         Parents
]         Grandparents
]         As many children as happen.
]         .
]         .
]         .
]
] But only be allowed to deeply love one MOTAS.
]                                 Jason P. Venner

Who says?  There are several women in my life that I care about deeply
(more deeply than a lot of my relations, for instance :-) ).  No one has
told me this is wrong, and I've never gotten the feeling that society
frowns on me for having such close friends of the opposite sex.

Perhaps I'm reading something into Jason's posting, but it seems that
the only way his complaint makes any sense is in relation to being
*sexually* monogamous (though this isn't usually an issue with parents,
grandparents, and so forth :-) ).

I'm monogamous.  My SO and I have willingly agreed that our primary
emotional commitment is to each other, and that we will be sexually
exclusive.  Why?  Well, for one thing there is a sense of trust and
security inherent in being exclusive that is damn hard to get any other
way, making it potentially more freeing than restricting.  Commitment
doesn't mean a no-maintenance relationship--far from it--but it allows
us to grow together and get to know each other without as much fear for
our emotional vulnerabilities.  And this is key, as relaxing defenses
and allowing our vulnerabilities to be exposed--and accepted--is one of
the most beautiful and fulfilling parts of being a couple.

Now, there may be some people who are able to form deep emotional and
physical bonds without jealousy or a need for exclusiveness, but I
suspect it is a small minority.  Just about everyone I know who has
tried fooling around with ``open relationships'' has ended up hurting
because of it; they just weren't honest with themselves or their SO's
about their feelings, needs, and capabilities.

Most people I know who are afraid of being trapped by commitments are
actually already trapped by their own insecurities.

		-Ed Hall
		decvax!randvax!edhall