Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site decwrl.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!akgua!mcnc!decvax!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-golly!herbert From: herbert@golly.DEC (Jerri Herbert) Newsgroups: net.jokes Subject: The meek shall inherit the Earth. The rest of us will conquer space! Message-ID: <3728@decwrl.UUCP> Date: Mon, 24-Sep-84 15:06:24 EDT Article-I.D.: decwrl.3728 Posted: Mon Sep 24 15:06:24 1984 Date-Received: Sat, 29-Sep-84 09:12:14 EDT Sender: kent@decwrl.UUCP Organization: DEC Engineering Network Lines: 74 Hey there! Here are some jokes I heard last year....if they've already been circulated on the net....FORGIVE ME!!! If you can put up with 9,638,432,109 light bulb jokes, you can put up with seeing these more than once. So for those of you that this is "your first time"...enjoy! **************************************************************************** One cold winter evening a traveling salesman was driving home on a deserted back road when he got a flat tire. He proceeded to jack up the car and remove the lug nuts. The lug nuts were quite rusty and by the time he had removed the first one his hands were freezing. He noticed a house a short way down the road, and headed towards it to see if he could warm up. He knocked on the door and it was answered by a voluptuous young woman in a small, thin nightie. (you were expecting maybe a farmer?) Barely containing his surprise, (among other things) he asked if he might warm his hands so that he could finish fixing his flat tire. The woman kindly agreed and told him that her late husband used to put his hands between her thighs to warm them up on occasions such as this, and he could do the same. The salesman naturally thought this was a hell of an idea and was soon back at work on his tire. After struggling with the second nut for a while, his hands were cold again, and he returned to the house and repeated the treatment. Since jokes of this sort always have three cycles, you will not be surprised to hear that he returned for a third time, at which point the woman inquired: Don't your ears ever get cold????? THE TEACHER INSTRUCTED HER THIRD-GRADE CLASS TO GIVE A THREE-SYLLABLE WORD AND USE IT IN A SENTENCE. SEVERAL PUPILS RAISE THEIR HANDS, INCLUDING DIRTY JOHNNY. THE TEACHER PASSES RIGHT OVER HIM AND CHOOSES SALLY. "BEAUTIFUL," SAYS SALLY. "MY TEACHER IS BEAUTIFUL!" "WHY, THANK YOU," THE TEACHER REPLIES. "ANYONE ELSE?" AGAIN, SEVERAL HANDS, INCLUDING JOHNNY'S ARE WAVING. THE TEACHER CHOOSES MARY. "WONDERFUL. MY TEACHER IS WONDERFUL!" AGAIN THE TEACHER THANKS HER STUDENT, AND ASKS FOR ANOTHER ANSWER. RELUCTANTLY, SHE CHOOSES JOHNNY. "URINATE," SAYS JOHNNY. "JOHNNY!!!" THE TEACHER REPLIES, IN SHOCK. "URINATE, BUT IF YOUR TITS WERE BIGGER, YOU'D BE A TEN!" A doctor started having an affair with his nurse, and shortly after this started she announced that she had become pregnant. Not wanting his wife to find out, he gave her a large amount of money and asked her to go out of the country, to Germany, to wait out the pregnancy and have the baby over there. "But how will you know when our baby is born ?" she asked. "Well", he said, "after you've had the baby, just send me a post card and write 'SAUERKRAUT' on the back." Not knowing what else to do, she took the money and went off to Germany. Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at his office. "Dear, you received a very strange post card in the mail today", she explained. "I don't understand what it means!". "Just wait till I get home and Ill read it," he replied. Later that evening, the doctor came home and read his post card which said: SAUERKRAUT, SAUERKRAUT, SAUERKRAUT TWO WITH WEINERS, ONE WITHOUT *********************************************************************** ^ ^ u HAVE A NICE DAY! \_/