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Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/17/84 chuqui version 1.7 9/23/84; site nsc.UUCP
Path: utzoo!linus!decvax!decwrl!sun!idi!nsc!chuqui
From: chuqui@nsc.UUCP (Chuq Von Rospach)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: girl - woman
Message-ID: <1535@nsc.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 1-Oct-84 14:02:26 EDT
Article-I.D.: nsc.1535
Posted: Mon Oct  1 14:02:26 1984
Date-Received: Tue, 2-Oct-84 06:12:54 EDT
References: <628@druxx.UUCP> <1713@sun.uucp>
Organization: The Warlocks Cave, Walden Puddle
Lines: 29

> >No matter how old and/or mature my daughter grows to be she will
> >always be "my little girl" to me.
> 
> 	If you do in fact enact this, you will be stultifying your daughter's
> growth, and limiting the relationship between you.  You must accept the fact
> that she will grow up and become a mature adult woman capable and allowed to
> make her own decisions.  Insisting on always being mother compared to her
> will cause her to push you out of her life in order  to have the freedom to
> be an adult.  Wouldn't you rather be closer and let the nature of the
> relationship grow and change?  Who's in control, you or the mother role?

Actually, this is a much more difficult position than you might think. One
of the hardest realignments my mother and I had to make was the one where I
wasn't her 'little ewok' any more. My mother, who is one of the more
intelligent and clear thinking women of her generation (and a couple since
then) still has trouble keeping the 'mother role' emotions in check. It
took a lot of pain, a lot of discussion, and a marriage and divorce to
finally put everything in perspective for us. You'll never get away from
the 'little ewok' role in some ways, and I don't really think you should.
Parent/child relationships are special and close, and I don't know that you
can ever get completely away from them. You CAN build on them though, and
create something that is even better. The 'little ewok' syndrome becomes
stultifying only if you let it.

-- 
From the Department of Bistromatics:            Chuq Von Rospach
{amd,decwrl,fortune,hplabs,ihnp4}!nsc!chuqui    nsc!chuqui@decwrl.ARPA

What do I know, after all I'm just a begonia...