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Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/17/84 chuqui version 1.7 9/23/84; site nsc.UUCP
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From: chuqui@nsc.UUCP (Zonker T. Chuqui)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: What is sensitivity good for anyway?
Message-ID: <1562@nsc.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 11-Oct-84 13:21:53 EDT
Article-I.D.: nsc.1562
Posted: Thu Oct 11 13:21:53 1984
Date-Received: Fri, 12-Oct-84 06:09:27 EDT
References: <258@lzmi.UUCP>
Organization: The Warlocks Cave, Castrovalva
Lines: 43

> FLAME ON
> ...  Kramer vs. Kramer not withstanding, if a woman destroys
> a marital relationship she is still going to get custody and support
> whether she earned it or not.

A definite problem, yes. A recognized problem in many places. There is a
growing awareness in the courts that automatic alimony and automatic child
custody/support don't work well in many cases and judges are looking more
carefully at divorce cases. A long way to go, true, but a start.

> And generally speaking, her social network
> is more developed - so she gets more social support, too.  Even in this day
> and age.  The man gets nothing in the divorce except independence
> and the woman gets that too.
maybe. maybe not. Many men suddenly find that all they have is work. On the
other hand, many women suddenly find that all they have is the house
they've been cleaning and cooking in for years, no job prospects, no
friends except neighbor wives and people they see in stores and the people
she entertained for her husband over the years (most of whom won't talk to
her now, anyway). it depends on the relationship and the people. If you
isolate yourself so that your only social contacts revolve around the
relationship, when the relationship dies, so do the social contacts. That's
your fault, not the relationship's or your ex-partners.
> FLAME OFF

> I don't think blame is the question, there is, hopefully, a learning
> experience in divorce.  From that standpoint it is necessary to determine
> (1) what you did to contribute to the breakup - so that you can correct
> the problem or at least minimize it in future relationships and
> (2) what was bad in the combination - so that you can avoid similar choices
> of mates in the future.
How about (3) What was GOOD in the relationship that you want to look for
in the future? How about (4) What was missing in the combination that you
want to look for in the future? Any relationship had good feelings and
positive memories. If you dwell simply on the negative side it makes it
much harder to get involved in the future because you are remembering a
biased version of history. (Of course, remembering only good things isn't
realistic, either-- but a lot more fun!)
-- 
From the Department of Bistromatics:                   Chuq Von Rospach
{cbosgd,decwrl,fortune,hplabs,ihnp4,seismo}!nsc!chuqui  nsc!chuqui@decwrl.ARPA

How about 'reason for living?'