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From: dcoleman@vlnvax.DEC
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: just friends
Message-ID: <3903@decwrl.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 11-Oct-84 17:40:39 EDT
Article-I.D.: decwrl.3903
Posted: Thu Oct 11 17:40:39 1984
Date-Received: Sat, 13-Oct-84 07:43:45 EDT
Sender: daemon@decwrl.UUCP
Organization: DEC Engineering Network
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>When someone wants to be "just friends" with me (and they use that phrase),
>I interpret it to mean that they don't want to be very involved with me.  I
>interpret it as "I don't really like you that much, but I will tolerate you
>enough to say Hello when/if I see you." If this is the case, the
>relationship will never be anything more than that.
	Do you really think that to be good friends with someone you
have to be sexually involved with that person?  How do you relate to
your male friends, or your family? (I'm assuming from your name that
you are male and have a family.)  You interpret "just friends" to mean
"don't really like you that much ...", and you believe the
"relationship will never be anything more than that."  With this
attitude, either you have many lovers or not many friends.  How do you
even build a relationship without first being friends - or do you take
on new female friends assuming that it will eventually lead to sex,
otherwise why bother?  Why not accept the offer of "just friends" and
let it develop; discover that it is possible to maintain a close
relationship with a MOTOS without sexual intimacy.
	For instance, a girlfriend once told me she wanted to be "just
friends."  For a long time I was overcome with grief, anger, etc.,
hurt that she actually thought we could see each other as nothing more
than friends after what once had been.  After a while of not seeing or
hearing from each other, we started going out as friends.  Now we both
realize we make better friends than lovers, and we have a great, even
intimate (emotionally, not physically) friendship.

>To me, it is sometimes difficult to find a reason for a distinction between
>close friends and lovers, other than perhaps the frequency of the times of
>being really close (both physically and mentally/emotionally)....
>What I don't understand is why many people would get upset if the kiss were
>to become sexual.  Both are just a way of showing caring, closeness, etc.
	Maybe that's why "just friends" will only "tolerate you enough
to say hello when/if they see you."

				 - Dave Coleman
	"Without love in your dream it will never come true."