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From: yiri@ucf-cs.UUCP (Yirmiyahu BenDavid)
Newsgroups: net.religion.jewish
Subject: Re: Raising jewish children
Message-ID: <1511@ucf-cs.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 20-Sep-84 10:18:46 EDT
Article-I.D.: ucf-cs.1511
Posted: Thu Sep 20 10:18:46 1984
Date-Received: Tue, 25-Sep-84 20:48:14 EDT
References: <174@mhuxv.UUCP>
Organization: UCF, Orlando, FL
Lines: 72

There are many questions which, it seems to me, must be answered before
any responsible and meaningful suggestions could be offerred. When she
says 'I am Jewish', what does that mean to her? Are we talking about a
family with a kosher kitchen who is shomer shabbat? Does she regard
herself as Jewish simply because she was born that way or married into
it? Does she merely find Christianity repugnant and that is what Jewish
means? These questions reflect vastly different environments in which
that problem may have arisen - and the solutions would be vastly
different for each.

It is curious to me why it was posted on net.kids rather than on
net.religion.jewish. The Christian world, for the most part at least,
will take pride in bringing about such a wonderful thing, and will
applaud the babysitter who has done  such a commendable job of 
witnessing the blessed good news. Certainly this is counter-productive.

Is she and her family on close terms with an orthodox (or perhaps a
conservative) rabbi and observant friends in that congregation? Since
this is my advice, I feel responsible to stipulate either orthodox or
conservative at the least. I don't feel reform rabbis have anything more
than the goyim to offer. Sorry if I offend anyone but I have the right
to my opinion and the responsibility when I try to help to do what I
feel is really helpful. In point of fact, I think the reform rabbi or
synagogue is detrimental in that it disguises assimilation in a cloak of
false approval and acceptance and a kind of emasculated Judaism the end
result of which is frequently the kind of situation we see here. I
recognize that there are those who disagree with me. Let both sides do
their best to help her the best they can rather than fight with each
other.

It seems to me that the best defense is a good offense. If her family
were bubbling over with the richness of Judaism then it could have been
the gentile babysitter who learned 'heiveinu shalom aleikhem' from the
2-year-old. I've seen this happen, it is not mere theory. 

Perhaps the most painful question centers around how families get in
this kind of situation where they apparently have no close ties with
observant rabbis, synagogues and friends? Why aren't their lives
bubbling over with the richness of Judaism? It's there. I know because I
have it. How does Judaism become reduced to simply not being a
Christian? Is this all we have to offer our children? Aren't we
extraordinarily moronic to expect children to accept such a premise when
they get a little older? If we imitate the goyim (assimilate) we
acknowledge that they are right and that Judaism is archaic, etc. Do we
not know any better? What kind of legacy are we passing on? If we are
aware of this richness shouldn't we be more active than the Christians
in teaching our children? Is knowledge not the cornerstone of Judaism? 
Who is to blame? Who can correct these things? How?

There are more vexing questions. Why aren't we who enjoy the riches of
Judaism more active in sharing them. They are free. We don't lose them
when we share them. In fact, sharing them enhances the richness.

Why aren't we reaching out and supporting such families. Why aren't we
helping them. Why isn't there someone THERE reaching out and helping
that family? How can we - you and I - help? There are increasing numbers
of families who have become disenamored with the emphasis on
fund-raising and social status in the synagogue - in Judaism and have
become unaffiliated families disgusted with the callous attitudes of the
formal Jewish communities. How do we rectify that? How do we reach and
help them? Certainly not be putting them on the list to call
periodically for contributions. 

Her dillema is my fault... and yours. What shall we do about it?

I would be delighted to talk with her, correspond with her, be her
friend, and do whatever I can to help. Please do not repost this article
on another net. Rather, encourage Jewish readers to look toward Judaism
and each of us to try diligently to be really helpful and supportive.
Yes, the reform too. I disagree with FELLOW Jews, but they are still
fellow Jews whom I care about a great deal.