Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/17/84 chuqui version 1.7 9/23/84; site nsc.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!seismo!nsc!chuqui From: chuqui@nsc.UUCP (Zonker T. Chuqui) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: What is sensitivity good for anyway? Message-ID: <1562@nsc.UUCP> Date: Thu, 11-Oct-84 13:21:53 EDT Article-I.D.: nsc.1562 Posted: Thu Oct 11 13:21:53 1984 Date-Received: Fri, 12-Oct-84 06:09:27 EDT References: <258@lzmi.UUCP> Organization: The Warlocks Cave, Castrovalva Lines: 43 > FLAME ON > ... Kramer vs. Kramer not withstanding, if a woman destroys > a marital relationship she is still going to get custody and support > whether she earned it or not. A definite problem, yes. A recognized problem in many places. There is a growing awareness in the courts that automatic alimony and automatic child custody/support don't work well in many cases and judges are looking more carefully at divorce cases. A long way to go, true, but a start. > And generally speaking, her social network > is more developed - so she gets more social support, too. Even in this day > and age. The man gets nothing in the divorce except independence > and the woman gets that too. maybe. maybe not. Many men suddenly find that all they have is work. On the other hand, many women suddenly find that all they have is the house they've been cleaning and cooking in for years, no job prospects, no friends except neighbor wives and people they see in stores and the people she entertained for her husband over the years (most of whom won't talk to her now, anyway). it depends on the relationship and the people. If you isolate yourself so that your only social contacts revolve around the relationship, when the relationship dies, so do the social contacts. That's your fault, not the relationship's or your ex-partners. > FLAME OFF > I don't think blame is the question, there is, hopefully, a learning > experience in divorce. From that standpoint it is necessary to determine > (1) what you did to contribute to the breakup - so that you can correct > the problem or at least minimize it in future relationships and > (2) what was bad in the combination - so that you can avoid similar choices > of mates in the future. How about (3) What was GOOD in the relationship that you want to look for in the future? How about (4) What was missing in the combination that you want to look for in the future? Any relationship had good feelings and positive memories. If you dwell simply on the negative side it makes it much harder to get involved in the future because you are remembering a biased version of history. (Of course, remembering only good things isn't realistic, either-- but a lot more fun!) -- From the Department of Bistromatics: Chuq Von Rospach {cbosgd,decwrl,fortune,hplabs,ihnp4,seismo}!nsc!chuqui nsc!chuqui@decwrl.ARPA How about 'reason for living?'