Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!decvax!cca!csin!cjh From: cjh@csin.UUCP (Chip Hitchcock) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re Has this happened to *you* lately? Message-ID: <382@csin.UUCP> Date: Wed, 3-Oct-84 13:43:57 EDT Article-I.D.: csin.382 Posted: Wed Oct 3 13:43:57 1984 Date-Received: Sat, 6-Oct-84 01:45:24 EDT Lines: 46 I'd be surprised to see any significant number of men giving out the kind of blatant signals you describe for teenage females---but I won't argue what you've experienced. To be blunt, I don't believe in signals or signalling anymore; the bandwidth is so broad that there is a unique signal-language for almost every individual. I prefer words, however clumsy, because you've a better chance of minimizing ambiguities. What is a meaningful glance? What is a ribald comment, and why? Is he just not guarding his language because he thinks of you as -"one of the boys"-? (note -""-; I won't argue about meaning or usage of that phrase). (It's easier at an SCA event; flirting without consequence is period, and usually someone will correct you politely if you assume consequences.) Surely some of you have heard Gilbert & Sullivan's YEOMEN OF THE GUARD, in which the study of pursuit is discussed: He must learn that the thrill of a touch May mean little, or nothing, or much; It's an implement rare to be handled with care And ought to be treated as such. And a glance may be timid or free; It can vary in mighty degree: From an impudent stare to a look of despair That no maid without pity can see. And a glance of despair is no guide; It can have its ridiculous side: It may draw you a tear---or a box on the ear--- You can never be sure till you've tried. Extract the polarity, the fact that this is 1880's trying to talk about 1580's, and the not-entirely-humorous intent of the song (YotG is their most serious work) and there's still fair warning that NO signal is unambiguous. Admittedly, you're stuck with the fact that it is not considered couth for either sex to frame a first-date invitation as "Let's eat at X and do Y then go back to one of our places and screw" (although I'm told the final clause is an assumption for dates made in singles bars). On the other hand, it's possible to have such misunderstandings even with people you're close enough to that you think you understand their signals. A note: I would expect that men giving the most blatant signals are more likely to want to be the ones asking. (This is an entirely personal guess based on my personal assessment. I refuse to argue it with anyone; I also don't defend people's personal prejudices concerning the acceptance/rejection of propositions). CHip (Chip Hitchcock) ARPA: CJH@CCA-UNIX usenet: ...{!decvax,!linus,!sri-unix}!cca!csin!cjh War is peace Freedom is slavery Ketchup is a vegetable