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From: carson@homxa.UUCP (P.CARSTENSEN)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: friends and intimacy
Message-ID: <435@homxa.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 10-Oct-84 17:27:45 EDT
Article-I.D.: homxa.435
Posted: Wed Oct 10 17:27:45 1984
Date-Received: Thu, 11-Oct-84 08:14:59 EDT
References: <584@pucc-i>, <752@vax1.fluke.UUCP>
Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ
Lines: 27

OK--some reasons for being friends but not being lovers.
(And don't expect a lot of precision of statement here, because it's
stuff I have gotten into terms *I* understand and don't want to force
into greater precision, particularly, OK?)
(1)You don't trust yourself just now--you just got out of a good/bad
   situation, you don't know what you want next, but are very sure
   you don't want to end up looking like a jerk/fool by your indecision
(2)I have a number of friends with whom the vibes at distance X are
   very good (I like the way their minds work, I like the way their
   bodies move, I think they are all around NICE people)...and I'm
   also pretty sure that the harmonics that would become operative
   at distance X-1 would wreck us both up
(3)I know that nothing is risk-free, BUT I'm not willing to mess
   up a good friendship by becoming lovers (actually I've been 
   lucky--most of my former lovers have stayed good friends, but I
   can understand the concern)
(4)This sort of take in the above--"intimacy" adds another layer to
   your friendship => requires more time/effort/etc. which you may
   not have to spare at the moment

Note: I'm not saying that being lovers and friends is separate.
I can't imagine "intimacy" with an un-friend, either.  I'm just 
saying that one may legitimately feel that the dubious proposition
of being lovers may not be worth the risk of obvious wonders of
the (KNOWN!) friendship.

Patty