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From: keduh@hogpd.UUCP (D.HUDEK)
Newsgroups: net.flame
Subject: SWIMMING flame
Message-ID: <404@hogpd.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 9-Oct-84 18:27:56 EDT
Article-I.D.: hogpd.404
Posted: Tue Oct  9 18:27:56 1984
Date-Received: Wed, 10-Oct-84 06:22:33 EDT
Lines: 92

<<||>>

This flame will in all probability [does that mean 1.0 ?]
be absolutely meaningless to the great majority of you
out there, so maybe I'd better offend y'all some first
[just so you won't feel left out :-) ]

Ahem... Let's see.... you stink !!
No... not very original, and not strong enough either...
How about... Go snort some molten lead you slimy-faced vacuous
cretins !!!  Hmmm... still lacks something... Oh
f*ck it, I'll work on it and have something for y'all next time.
(Hey, where did the vowel in f*ck go ?  There! It happened again!)

ANYWAY....
Godd*mn it !!  What the f*ck is wrong with *ssh*le people who
swim slowly in the fast lane !!??!!   I'm speaking about lap swimming
for exercise here [no, not REALLY here you idiot :-), I mean in
a swimming pool... like at the Y], and the totally insensitive
imbeciles who complacently thrash around in the wrong f*cking lane !!!
Where I swim, the lanes are separated according to swimming ability
[e.g., slow swimmers in lanes 1 and 6, med. in 2 and 5, and
fast in lanes 3 and 4]. The lanes are CLEARLY marked and yet some
moronic durf-balls insist on ignoring the established rules.
I just can't figure out what goes through their minds [if they have any!].
After blocking everyone else for a while, you'd think they'd get the
message.... especially if they are being lapped once every
4 lengths !! 

The rest of us must try to pass them, only to be
creamed by the person coming the other way. Why don't they
go to the lanes where people of the same ability are swimming ?!!?
Are they that stupid ?!!?  Presumably we're all there to
get some exercise. In order to benefit from exercise, one must
work a bit and get that heart pumping somewhat faster than it
does while one sleeps, no? But when you're stuck behind some
anus-face who is barely creeping along, you get nothing but
ulcers. You must take your life in your hands and pass them,
usually forcing a 3-abreast situation since there's usually
someone coming back the other way. At best, you've thrown off
you rhythm, gotten a mouth full of water, and almost nailed
somebody else. At worst, you get a kick in the mouth followed
by a resounding blow to the head as you crash head-on into
someone else.

By now, if anyone is still reading this [which I doubt... hey
if no-one reads this I can put anything here I damn well
want to. How about some proprietary stuff like $!@#$%@^$@#!%.
Hey, how come that wouldn't print? Let me try again.
I know for a fact that !@$#!@%#^^%%$#$%@@#!@@#%$#$@^$%^^%.
Sh*t, looks like ATT has some sort of a censoring
mechanism installed here. :-)  I guess I'd better go on
with my flame...], I'm sure you are wondering,
"Well, why in hell don't you just stop the offending party
and calmly suggest that they go in another lane ?"

I have and usually it JUST DOESN'T WORK !! For it to work,
the party in question would have to have a functioning
brain as well as the ability to understand spoken English.
They seem to understand English, but I can't vouch for their
brains. First they say something like,  "I'm a fantastic
swimmer and I'm not getting in anyone's way."
After you point out that this is not entirely true, they
simply retort that it's not that big a problem and you
shouldn't have the audacity to question them!  After
you point out some new bruises caused by them, they will
counter with "I pay just as much to swim here as you
do." So f*cking what ?!!??  Is that any reason to ruin it
for everyone... if they would just get in the appropriate
lane, life would be just grand for all concerned !
Well, I usually then complain to the life-guard who will
sometimes get the *ssh*les to move, but why should I have
to do that... can't they see what a pain in the *ss they're
being to everyone ?!? God, how can someone be so dense ?!!?

Oh well.... I've got a new solution. From now on, I'll just
swim butterfly for a while and "accidentally-on-purpose"
knock them around as I pass... and maybe I could sort of
flip-turn onto their heads every once in a while...      :-)
If I made their life miserable enough, maybe they'd leave.
[  well.... maybe not, but I'd sure like to!    ]

WHEW !!!!   Boy, it sure feels good to get that off my chest !!!

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