Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/3/84 chuqui version 1.4 9/15/84; site nsc.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!hou3c!hocda!houxm!ihnp4!nsc!chuqui From: chuqui@nsc.UUCP (Chuqles) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: 'Loving Each Other' review/recommendation Message-ID: <1479@nsc.UUCP> Date: Wed, 19-Sep-84 19:37:15 EDT Article-I.D.: nsc.1479 Posted: Wed Sep 19 19:37:15 1984 Date-Received: Tue, 25-Sep-84 06:15:49 EDT Distribution: net Organization: Clown Alley Lines: 52 I've just finished a book that I think many out there are (or should be) interested in. The Book is 'Loving Each Other' by Dr. Leo Buscaglia (Slack, $13.95). For those that don't already know, Dr. Buscaglia is a professor of education at the University of Spoiled Children, uh, University of Southern California. This book feels much differently to me than his previous books. It's tone is much more somber than 'Living, Loving, and Learning' was and includes a lot more firm data (and a lot less Buscaglia rhetoric that some people find disconcerting). It is a very serious discussion of relationships (romantic and otherwise), what they mean and what they require. The basis of the book is a survey of people where he asked questions about what they felt relationships were and what was important to them. What I found interesting was that the audience he surveyed seems to be VERY similar to the net.singles readership-- high education (1/6th had masters or more) and a large interest in relationships and making them work. He uses the information culled from these questionaires (600 in all) to define various parts of relationships and discuss how to improve these areas and how to make them work. There is a fairly large bibliography in the back and he refers to other works when appropriate. I found a lot of material of interest in the book and I plan on working with the material in more detail when I re-read it. I think that this book doesn't hold some of the disadvantages of other Buscaglia books (some people are turned off when he starts frothing like he tends to) and has a lot to say. Track it down and read it with someone you love-- it can't hurt, and it will probably open avenues to explore than can make things much better. Highly recommended. Excerpt: Happiness and true freedom come only when we assume full responsibility for who and what we are. As long as we feel comfortable putting blame on others, we will never be required to evaluate and change our own behaviors. We blame parents for lack of love, response, nurturing. We blame society for keeping us from total freedom. We blame friends, lovers, teachers, even life. As long as we can pass the blame, we feel no neccessity to change our own lives. After all, we are victims. There are those who even blame God for their misfortune and unhappiness. I have heard people say "I'll never forgive God for doing that to me!". What egos! These people see themselves as helpless and hopeless and a part of an existence in which they have no control. they confortably sit back in self-pity-- waiting for lovers, family, or God to "put it all right" for them. Sadly, many of them waste a valuable lifetime waiting! -- From the spotlight of the center ring: Chuqles Von Rospach {amd,decwrl,fortune,hplabs,ihnp4}!nsc!chuqui nsc!chuqui@decwrl.ARPA Never force anyone to do anything for you 'in the name of love.' Love is not to be bargained for.