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From: edhall@rand-unix.UUCP (Ed Hall)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Men, Sex & Power
Message-ID: <1812@rand-unix.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 7-Jun-84 01:06:56 EDT
Article-I.D.: rand-uni.1812
Posted: Thu Jun  7 01:06:56 1984
Date-Received: Sat, 9-Jun-84 08:27:36 EDT
References: <1279@proper.UUCP> <7290@umcp-cs.UUCP>, <226@ihopa.UUCP>
Organization: Rand Corp., Santa Monica
Lines: 32

Some people seem to be most comfortable when they are in control of
a relationship.  Others feel most comfortable within the warm
confines of someone else's control.  These attitudes usually reflect
in other parts of these people's lives.

As Judy McMullian so carefully pointed out, there are other ways
to form relationships than along dominance/submission lines.
Just because enslavement is often a stable relationship does not
make it a good one.  People can treat each other as equals, and
share themselves fully, and trust each other.

Now, I'll not bore you with details of how traditional sex roles
cast men as controllers and women as controllees.  Nor will I
point out examples in the large number of primary relationships
where the controller/controllee sexes seem to be reversed from these.
I think both of these states of affairs are unhealthy but all too
common, and are a symptom of the self-obsessive nature of our culture.

I've yet to meet a controller- or controllee-type person who did
not seem, at base, driven by their insecurities.  And as I overcome
my own insecurities, I find that there are fewer and fewer situations
where I need to feel control over another person, or invite them
to have control over me.

The most satisfying sexual relationship I've ever had was also the
one where we felt most as equals in every way.  The give-and-take we
both achieved was mind-blowing!  To this day she and I remain good
friends.  (And, yes, I think the equality had something to do with
our remaining close as ex-lovers.)

		-Ed Hall
		decvax!randvax!edhall