Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site decwrl.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!floyd!harpo!decvax!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-tonto!alanurm From: alanurm@tonto.DEC (And a road of my own....) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Something New Message-ID: <1761@decwrl.UUCP> Date: Wed, 20-Jun-84 09:49:18 EDT Article-I.D.: decwrl.1761 Posted: Wed Jun 20 09:49:18 1984 Date-Received: Thu, 21-Jun-84 08:42:01 EDT Organization: DEC Engineering Network Lines: 98I have been following this newsgroup with great interest (Chuq - you're starting to take yourself too seriously :-), but didn't know if this would be of interest. After seeing the wide range of subjects discussed and kicked around, I now say: I should have known better! Anyway....... Being a 38 year old single (male) parent with two teenage daughters, I am looking (always) for a SO (MOTOS). A really interesting way (at least in southern New Hampshire) is to reply to the personal ads or place one your- self. I have met some really fascinating, intelligent, articulate and just plain fun people through these. I haven't really met a SO but then I don't really expect to but at least I am out enjoying myself and learning so many new things about people. Some advantages of the personals: *Low cost to place an ad ($4.00 for 2 weeks around here). *Low cost to reply to an ad (1 stamp, paper, envelope). *The people placing the ads and replying to ads are interested in meeeting each other (unlike bars, etc.) *You can be as selective as you wish (reply only to what you want, tailor your ad to attract the kind of person you want). *Security- by renting a post office box (about $10 for 6 months), no-one has to know where you live or anything about you until you decide to meet. Some disadvantages to the personals: *There is a time lag between sending a reply and getting an answer. Also true when placing the ad. *The caliber of the people you meet will be dictated by the caliber of the publication you advertise in. (I advertise in and reply to ads only in a weekly newspaper most likely to be read by professional people). *This is subject to the "when it rains, it pours" syndrome. There was a period when nothing was happening, then for about a month I had a date for friday, saturday, and sunday as well as casual meetings on the weekdays because I was trying to meet everyone that had responded in a reasonable timeframe. *You don't know what the person looks like (unless they send you a photograph). This could be a problem if you have a hard time telling someone that you are not interested. On the other hand, it gives the a nice bit of mystery and anticipation prior to the meeting. Some other observations: I am the kind of person that believes that the chemistry has to be there before a relationship starts. If I look at her and my heart kind of gives a flip, my mind says wow!, and I can't wait to be close to her, and if she gets that same feeling, then we can see what else we have in common, it will all be icing on the cake. So, I am right up front about that in my ads and my replies to ads. If the chemistry isn't there, I will try to make a new friend and stay in touch. I'm upfront about that too. Usually, in placing an ad, it is best to say as much as possible about your preferences, especially if it is something important like music, art, travel, geographic preferences, etc. When responding to an ad, a long (2-3 pages) letter with a photo and your phone # will bring good results. I have had great sucess with replying in this way. Most men receive a reply to 1 of 3 letters they send, I've been getting 3 of 4 replying to mine. Don't send form letters, or zeroxed letters, or, if you must, use a word processor and include a personal, addressed to the ad, section in the response letter. One possible method is to tell about yourself in a resume type of format and include a handwritten note and photo. Caveats: DON'T be abusive, profane, talk about sexual prowess or conquests, complain about previous SO's. DON'T be needy, or tell about how sincere you are in an insincere world. DON'T say you have been hurt and abused, kicked and beaten. People placing ads and responding to them are looking for what you are (if you word it right), but, they will be turned right off by the above sorts of behaviour because no one in their right mind goes looking for problems and tales of woe, being needy, etc. come across loud and clear as PROBLEMS. Happy Adding :- Maud'dib Len Alanurm Digital Equipment Corp. Southern New Hampshire ...decvax!decwrl!rhea!tonto!alanurm