Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: notesfiles - hp internal release 1.2; site hp-pcd.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!decvax!ittvax!dcdwest!sdcsvax!sdcrdcf!hplabs!hp-pcd!nathanm From: nathanm@hp-pcd.UUCP Newsgroups: net.jokes Subject: New Anti-Smoking Device Message-ID: <7300012@hp-pcd.UUCP> Date: Thu, 21-Jun-84 16:00:00 EDT Article-I.D.: hp-pcd.7300012 Posted: Thu Jun 21 16:00:00 1984 Date-Received: Tue, 26-Jun-84 06:25:29 EDT Organization: Hewlett-Packard Portable Computer Division - Corvallis, OR Lines: 56 Nf-ID: #N:hpcvre:7300012:000:2282 Nf-From: hpcvre!nathanm Jun 21 15:00:00 1984 The Department of Health, Education and Welfare has announced plans to develop a new, sophisticated system designed to reduce smoking in the workplace. Dubbed "Water Wars", it is based on the Reagan "Star Wars" anti-ballistic defense strategy. The system is designed to create a "shield of invulnerability" around non-smoking areas. Through sophisticated sensors based in desks, in water fountains and hanging from lighting fixtures, the system will detect burning ash as it approaches the sensitive area. When intrusion is imminent, a carefully aimed heat-seeking water projectile will disable the offending hardware with minimal loss of human life and buildings. In accordance with OSHA directives, the system will be designed to use as much of existing sprinkler systems as is practical. -- A spokesman for the United Insurers of America, a lobby representing the insurance industry, indicated that the probable effect of the new system would be lower health insurance costs and complete suspension of the water damage clause in building insurance. Water Cannon Enterprises, a defense contractor based in Secaucus, NJ, has indicated its support for the plan and provided hundreds of pages of feasibility studies. House Speaker Thomas ("Tip") O'Neill has expressed strong support for the project in the form proposed by the Massachusetts-based Technisplash Corporation. The proposed system is not, however, without its detractors. The United Auto Workers union has expressed strong opposition to the plan based on early field tests conducted near spot-welding machines at several sites in Detroit. A California-based lobbying group headed by Howard Jarvis, "Citizens for Self-Determinization", has also expressed strong opposition to using tax dollars to fund a project that will deprive so many Americans of such an important civil right. -- The project is currently being shuffled between the House Water Resources subcommittee, the Health subcommittee and the Senate Armed Services committee. It is expected to come to the floor shortly as an amendment to the pending trade agreement with the Peoples Republic of China. ----------------------------------------------------- Nathan Meyers, hp-pcd!nathanm Jim Donnelly, hp-pcd!jimd and a cast of other squirts