Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site watmath.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!saquigley From: saquigley@watmath.UUCP (Sophie Quigley) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: pedestalization Message-ID: <7959@watmath.UUCP> Date: Wed, 6-Jun-84 00:11:09 EDT Article-I.D.: watmath.7959 Posted: Wed Jun 6 00:11:09 1984 Date-Received: Wed, 6-Jun-84 07:01:16 EDT References: <751@pucc-h>, <20@ut-sally.UUCP> Organization: U of Waterloo, Ontario Lines: 37 GRRRRR!!!! I hate self-defeatism and pedestalisation. There is nothing more boring than listening to someone tell you they are worthless. Having been in two relationships where my lover was the self-defeating type, I know that I don't want to have anything to do with those people any more. What I found quite amazing in those two people I knew is how self-centered they became because of their self-defeatist attitudes. Even though they thought they were a pile of crap they didn't act like one (i.e crawl under the ground and tried not to be noticed) but instead dwelled on and on about how worthless they were, monopolising all my attention and asking for constant positive reinforcement that no, they were not worthless. Even though I originally believed these people were sincere and tried to help them build up a better self-image, I found out later on that they were not interested in changing the romantic idea they had of themselves as worthless people. Along with that romantic idea of their badness, came the romantic idea of my perfectness; I was the angel of salvation, to be put on a pedestal and adored. I was loved for that role and consequently not allowed to stray. They got very angry when I didn't behave as someone worthy of being on a pedestal, but rather as a normal human being. They were allowed to be worthless, but I was not allowed any human failings. Believe me people, there is nothing more tiring than having to live up to someone's completely distorted image of yourself as the embodiment of perfection. My conclusion in hindsight has been that these were very egotistical people who were out using me to satisfy their perverted masochistic urges to put themselves down without any regards whatsoever to the person I really am. Thanks but no thanks. I want nothing to do with those types of people anymore. Sophie Quigley ...!{clyde,ihnp4,decvax}!watmath!saquigley