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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxl!ihnp4!drutx!drux3!anita
From: anita@drux3.UUCP (HornAI)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Topic of Anger
Message-ID: <1178@drux3.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 6-Jun-84 10:50:12 EDT
Article-I.D.: drux3.1178
Posted: Wed Jun  6 10:50:12 1984
Date-Received: Thu, 7-Jun-84 07:48:34 EDT
Organization: AT&T Information Systems Laboratories, Denver
Lines: 36

--

I also come from a "large noisy" family.  In my opinion, the word "noisy"
here is redundant.  I've never seen a large quiet family.  I think when
you have to deal with a bunch of other people, and not much room,
problems come up constantly, and you learn to deal with everyday
problems fairly quickly by arguing them out right on the spot.  In my
family, this served the purpose of letting the other person know that,
indeed, something they were doing bugged you.  Usually, some compromise
would then happen, even if it wasn't verbalized as such.  Also, when it
came to differences of opinion, arguments were just airing of opinions with
the understanding that the other person probably wasn't going to change
theirs.  This was probably more of a letting off steam kind of thing
than anything else.
Anyway, I've had the same problem of having people get initimidated by my
showing anger about something.  Some people have also been offended.
This really confused me when I first went to college, because I had
never come across anyone who took anger so seriously before.
My philosophy is that if I'm mad about something and I don't express it,
chances are it'll bug me and I'll end up making a mountain out of a
mole hill.  I had to explain this a number of times to my current
boyfriend.  In his family, his father is the only one who expresses
anger, and then it's usually very nasty and sometimes cruel.  He
(my boyfriend) therefore assumed that if we had arguments, there must
be something terribly wrong in our relationship.  As a result, he is not
very good about expressing anger or letting me know when something is
bothering him.  I have tried to cool it a bit as far as raising my voice
when we argue.  But, he has also gotten a lot better about expressing
himself, although I still have to prompt him a little every once in
awhile with "If you get irritated about something I do, I hope you tell
me about it".  I think if people explain themselves and try not to
get defensive, expressing anger fairly openly can keep lots of small
things from getting in the way of a good realtionship.

                                             Anita