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From: sdyer@bbncca.ARPA (Steve Dyer)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: pedestalization
Message-ID: <791@bbncca.ARPA>
Date: Wed, 20-Jun-84 23:48:01 EDT
Article-I.D.: bbncca.791
Posted: Wed Jun 20 23:48:01 1984
Date-Received: Thu, 21-Jun-84 04:45:03 EDT
References: <2082@mit-vax.UUCP> <778@pucc-h>
Organization: Bolt, Beranek and Newman, Cambridge, Ma.
Lines: 49


   >Is there such a thing as an "undamaged" person, i.e. one who made it
   >through childhood without getting mangled?
   >If so, could such a person possibly learn to understand and love one who
   >has been as sick as I, and who is still so far from full recovery?

Jeff, it seems sometimes that your search for the "undamaged" woman is
as much a romantic conceit as the medieval search for the Holy Grail,
and as futile.

To be human means living life confronted by all that is human--the
strengths and frailties, both the bright and the dark sides of human
nature, both in yourself and in others.  Were it otherwise, you wouldn't be
here, you'd be dead, buried and in heaven, and your "undamaged" partner
sounds more like the Virgin Mary than anyone alive today!

Now, naturally, people differ in how they experience the human condition
and how they react to it.  "Mangled" is a rather strong word; I hope few
people come out of life "mangled", but few are untouched by human joys
and challenges.  Yes, even those who were raised by well-knit, loving
families, as well as those who weren't.

[begin Christian digression--anti-religionists may skip]

I'm going to go a little bit further and claim that you sound a bit
prideful of your own "loathsomeness."  From a Christian point of view, this
is practically akin to rejecting Christ, for by placing undue emphasis on
this aspect of your character and your supposed "unworthiness" before MOTOS
(and by forgetting that everyone else is in pretty much the same
existential boat), you are denying the redemptive nature of Grace and the
power of Christ in your life.

[end Christian digression--anti-religionists resume]

This has been said before (but since when did that ever stop anyone?)
Lighten up a bit!  And, if these kind of ruminations bother you, have you
considered seeing a psychologist?  This is not meant to be gratuitous or
mean, but a practical suggestion.  Group therapy can be especially valuable
because it focuses on the patterns of interaction and relationships between
people in the group--very useful for people who have low self-images.
My lover participated in a group for about 2 years after finishing his
PhD and finding himself without a job (nothing like a PhD in the Humanities
to help one's self-esteem these days!)  It worked wonders for him (or more
properly, he himself worked wonders with the support of the group.)

-- 
/Steve Dyer
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