Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site rand-unix.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!seismo!hao!hplabs!sdcrdcf!rand-unix!edhall From: edhall@rand-unix.UUCP (Ed Hall) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: Men, Sex & Power Message-ID: <1812@rand-unix.UUCP> Date: Thu, 7-Jun-84 01:06:56 EDT Article-I.D.: rand-uni.1812 Posted: Thu Jun 7 01:06:56 1984 Date-Received: Sat, 9-Jun-84 08:27:36 EDT References: <1279@proper.UUCP> <7290@umcp-cs.UUCP>, <226@ihopa.UUCP> Organization: Rand Corp., Santa Monica Lines: 32 Some people seem to be most comfortable when they are in control of a relationship. Others feel most comfortable within the warm confines of someone else's control. These attitudes usually reflect in other parts of these people's lives. As Judy McMullian so carefully pointed out, there are other ways to form relationships than along dominance/submission lines. Just because enslavement is often a stable relationship does not make it a good one. People can treat each other as equals, and share themselves fully, and trust each other. Now, I'll not bore you with details of how traditional sex roles cast men as controllers and women as controllees. Nor will I point out examples in the large number of primary relationships where the controller/controllee sexes seem to be reversed from these. I think both of these states of affairs are unhealthy but all too common, and are a symptom of the self-obsessive nature of our culture. I've yet to meet a controller- or controllee-type person who did not seem, at base, driven by their insecurities. And as I overcome my own insecurities, I find that there are fewer and fewer situations where I need to feel control over another person, or invite them to have control over me. The most satisfying sexual relationship I've ever had was also the one where we felt most as equals in every way. The give-and-take we both achieved was mind-blowing! To this day she and I remain good friends. (And, yes, I think the equality had something to do with our remaining close as ex-lovers.) -Ed Hall decvax!randvax!edhall