Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site drux3.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxl!ihnp4!drutx!drux3!anita From: anita@drux3.UUCP (HornAI) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: Topic of Anger Message-ID: <1178@drux3.UUCP> Date: Wed, 6-Jun-84 10:50:12 EDT Article-I.D.: drux3.1178 Posted: Wed Jun 6 10:50:12 1984 Date-Received: Thu, 7-Jun-84 07:48:34 EDT Organization: AT&T Information Systems Laboratories, Denver Lines: 36 -- I also come from a "large noisy" family. In my opinion, the word "noisy" here is redundant. I've never seen a large quiet family. I think when you have to deal with a bunch of other people, and not much room, problems come up constantly, and you learn to deal with everyday problems fairly quickly by arguing them out right on the spot. In my family, this served the purpose of letting the other person know that, indeed, something they were doing bugged you. Usually, some compromise would then happen, even if it wasn't verbalized as such. Also, when it came to differences of opinion, arguments were just airing of opinions with the understanding that the other person probably wasn't going to change theirs. This was probably more of a letting off steam kind of thing than anything else. Anyway, I've had the same problem of having people get initimidated by my showing anger about something. Some people have also been offended. This really confused me when I first went to college, because I had never come across anyone who took anger so seriously before. My philosophy is that if I'm mad about something and I don't express it, chances are it'll bug me and I'll end up making a mountain out of a mole hill. I had to explain this a number of times to my current boyfriend. In his family, his father is the only one who expresses anger, and then it's usually very nasty and sometimes cruel. He (my boyfriend) therefore assumed that if we had arguments, there must be something terribly wrong in our relationship. As a result, he is not very good about expressing anger or letting me know when something is bothering him. I have tried to cool it a bit as far as raising my voice when we argue. But, he has also gotten a lot better about expressing himself, although I still have to prompt him a little every once in awhile with "If you get irritated about something I do, I hope you tell me about it". I think if people explain themselves and try not to get defensive, expressing anger fairly openly can keep lots of small things from getting in the way of a good realtionship. Anita