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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!floyd!vax135!houxz!houxm!homxa!carson
From: carson@homxa.UUCP (P.CARSTENSEN)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: insecure women?
Message-ID: <249@homxa.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 21-Jun-84 08:37:24 EDT
Article-I.D.: homxa.249
Posted: Thu Jun 21 08:37:24 1984
Date-Received: Fri, 22-Jun-84 06:00:27 EDT
Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ
Lines: 41

These paragraphs aren't actually that well tied together, but

Having been both the more and the less interested party in a
relationship, I prefer being the more interested. (But the
less interested has been since the more interested, so it may
all be rosy glasses.)  Anyhow, being the more interested lets
you in for more pain perhaps which (honest) I'm not really into,
but which is (For ME) preferrable to being morally responsible
for someone else's pain.  Umm, maybe that is a little strong--
it's just that as part of my oldest child syndrome it is easier
for me to handle pain than guilt so it's less of a burden to me
to handle being rejected than rejecting.

I think that the times I've been harshest in rejecting someone
have been the times I was most worried about looking like a fool.
Sometimes it's like you are offered (and expected to take) this
huge, heavy, delicate object.  It's actually rather nice but doesn't
fit into your current interior decorating scheme, and you have the
feeling that once it's in your hands, you won't be allowed to put it
down anywhere so you'll be stuck standing around with this heavy
and awkward object, so you take one look at that responsibility 
and high-tail it out of there, usually making a royal mess of things.

It's not that the jerks are more interesting exactly--the danger
is more interesting and the attention your friends give to your
complaints is nice and wondering why you are putting up with this
is distracting (So for weeks at a time you don't have to face the
bigger issues like are you really happy with what you are doing
with your life--you know you are wasting away for some jerk :-)

There is a line by Sylvia Plath quoted in one of Erica Jong's
books about every woman adoring a nazi (or maybe fascist).  I 
thought about this a long time and finally decided that what is
true is that every adolescent adores a fascist.

Oh, and while we're on the subject, a number of my friends (and I)
have been driven to despair and distraction by nice men who ache
after a series of (mostly) blonde (female-equivalent-of?) jerks
and seem not to be able to get it through their thick heads that
we could regard them as something more than siblings.
            Patty  (houxa!homxa!carson)