Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 (Tek) 9/26/83; site tektronix.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!floyd!vax135!cornell!uw-beaver!tektronix!moiram From: moiram@tektronix.UUCP (Moira Mallison ) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: friends vs. psychotherapy Message-ID: <2781@tektronix.UUCP> Date: Tue, 19-Jun-84 17:29:13 EDT Article-I.D.: tektroni.2781 Posted: Tue Jun 19 17:29:13 1984 Date-Received: Thu, 21-Jun-84 05:42:00 EDT Organization: Tektronix, Beaverton OR Lines: 51 I think friends are okay for day-to-day traumas and the basic business of learning, growing...no, not just okay, irreplacable. They are wonderful when what is needed is a little first-aid. But when major surgery is required, I'd rather see a professional. As an example, my father was diagnosed with cancer a year ago. Through all the ups and, particularly, the downs, my friends have provided a strong basis for the support system. This sufficed for quite awhile. But what has been equally valuable has been the twenty or so hours I have spent with a woman who specializes in counseling cancer victims and their families. Each of the family members have seen her, some more than I have, some less. These sessions have helped facilitate communication within the family....and my family is already closer than many I know. Some of this has to do with the taboo about talking about death in this society; it's not always comfortable to talk to other people about it. I am sometimes reluctant to bring up such a "depressing subject". Some of it has to do with the fact that I depend on my friends to distract me from the intensity of feelings...that while it is central to my life experience right now, and to my relationships with my family, I depend on my friends and my work to help me not get too caught up in it, to help me main- tain some semblance of normal life. And finally, it has to do with the experience of cancer. There is so much information, news, rumors, etc. that here was someone who could be something of a liasion with the cancer patient, the medical community, the family. Someone who has helped many people through this experience before and provides on a psychological realm the expertise which the oncologist provides on a physical realm. What was particularly valuable for me was to be talking to someone who could help me see my family experience from a different side. (my parents had both waived confidentiality). This has added a new dimension to the relationship I have with my mother. And it has helped me "to not take personally" some of my father's responses to me as I went through adolescence. It had a whole lot more to do with his own hang-ups than with who I was as a person. It would have been wonderful if my family could have accomplished this without the crisis...but the roles are cemented by those many years of living together. The silver lining to the cloud lies in the honesty that has come with the need for completion, and in being able to appreciate each member's contribution to the family unit. Retrospectively, I'm not sure what this has to do with net.singles, except the theme that friends dont always have the means to provide what I need. Moira Mallison tektronix!moiram