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From: chuqui@nsc.UUCP (Chuq Von Rospach)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: GROW UP
Message-ID: <1051@nsc.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 13-Jun-84 12:45:22 EDT
Article-I.D.: nsc.1051
Posted: Wed Jun 13 12:45:22 1984
Date-Received: Fri, 15-Jun-84 01:16:50 EDT
References: <23@whuxi.UUCP>
Organization: The Warlocks Cave
Lines: 99

Sandra says:

>Remember when your parents, teachers, etc., would tell you to grow
>up and act your age.

There is an interesting line from the movie 'The Big Chill' that comes to
mind. The husband of one of the main characters, talking about his views on
the suicide of their friend (which is why they got together). His comment
goes something like 'Someone should have told him that life isn't supposed
to be fun. It certainly isn't for me'. This character happens to be your
standard American executive type-- Maalox and all. 

The idea is conformity. Difference is the ultimate sin in society, and
people fear it. This is what peer pressure, and bigotry (actually different
levels of the same thing!) are all about. Many religions work on the same
priniciple because the motivating factors for belonging to religion are
guilt and fear (fear of Hell, guilt of not being good enough for Heaven)
rather than love.

>Well, I found that that does not necessarily work all the time.

I don't think it EVER works. If you are worried about being what society
(and in most cases society is defined simply as the person bitching at
you) wants, you aren't you. You are someone else's vision of what you
should be. When you lose yourself, you lose the only thing you have that is
worth anything. Leo Buscaglia says a number of very good things on this
subject in his books (I recommend 'Living, Loving, and Learning' to
everyone). I don't agree with many of his answers, but he has the ability
to describe the problems of the individual in society and shows you the paths
where you can find your own answers. 

>I agree some subjects are serious and should be taken that
>way.  I also think that if some "bleeding hearts" would 
>just calm down and see the lighter side of life, no matter
>how hard it could be sometimes, YOU MIGHT ENJOY LIFE A
>LITTLE BETTER.

People who take life too seriously end up not really living. Ulcers, high
blood pressure, heart attacks, you name it. Live is not there to be lived,
life is there to be savored. One of the hardest lessons I've learned in my
life is to simply sit back and take what is given to me. I no longer try to
shape my life around what I want (except in general terms-- I nudge myself
along a chosen path, but I don't try to bulldoze paths any more) but simply
work at enjoying what life has given me. Since I've done so I've become
much happier with myself and with the people I have around me and I think that
I'm more enjoyable to be around. I recently was able to sit and watch the
full moon set behind a mountain with someone that I enjoy being with. It
was not planned, it happened, and I felt that it was more beautiful than
the most beautiful sunrise or sunset I've ever seen not only because of the
beauty involved (it WAS gorgeous. try it sometime!) but because of the
company and the situation. The sunrise a little later, which I viewed
alone, was also beautiful but also very anti-climactic. I never would have
thought to stay up all night to watch the moon set, but I was able to truly
experience a thing of beauty because it was given to me and I took
advantage of it. The next day at work was hell, of course, but the memories
of the cause made it survivable. Mostly.

>LIGHTEN UP OUT THERE, How about some cute, amusing stories
>about tragic weekends, goofy people you met, etc.

Here is one for you:

I was talking to an old friend of mine a little while ago. As it usually
happens we spent some time discussing an old (old, old) mutual ex-SO of
ours. He keeps in touch with her a little, I've been more successful in
avoiding her. This woman, a good Catholic, is currently living with a man
(boy you take Latin out of the mass and look what happens :->). Anyway,
she was about to travel back east to visit relatives, and on the night
before she left she told her SO 'I can't sleep with you tonight because I
won't have time to go to confession and if the plane were to crash and I
died I wouldn't get to heaven'. Believe it or not, she was serious, and she
takes her religion THAT seriously.

There is something rather pitiful about her situation to me. She has found
a situation that she is happy with, but at the same time there are outside
factors that force her to feel bad about her happiness. It basically comes
down to her being forced to feel guilty about happiness. It seems to me
that if her God was really upset about them sleeping together then
confession wouldn't help unless she also stopped it (can you imagine the
priest keeping count? Hmmm 6 times last week and three this week. Did you
have a fight?). Regardless of how many times she confessed, she is still
damned because she isn't interested in stopping the sin from happening
again, just washing away what is already there. If you look at it from the
other viewpoint that God put them together for their mutual happiness,
didn't she sin by refusing what God gave her? 

Ack, I hadn't meant this to become a religious discussion, but it does relate
back to my discussion of societal pressures to conform. I mean, if I was
going to die, I'd much rather go out with a smile on my face. I'm sure my
God would understand.

chuq
-- 
From the ledge of the seventh cornice:			Chuq Von Rospach
{amd70,fortune,hplabs,ihnp4}!nsc!chuqui			(408) 733-2600 x242

Love is the process of my leading you gently back to yourself.
			- Saint Exupery