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From: rro@csu-cs.UUCP (Rod Oldehoeft)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: When Life Reeked With Joy
Message-ID: <2523@csu-cs.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 16-Mar-84 21:29:17 EST
Article-I.D.: csu-cs.2523
Posted: Fri Mar 16 21:29:17 1984
Date-Received: Sun, 18-Mar-84 08:09:44 EST
Organization: Colo State U - CS, Ft.Collins
Lines: 124

Here is the text of an article by a former Canadian university
professor who, from papers turned in by his freshman history classes,
excerpted the most compelling examples of original scholarship and
spelling.  Copied, without permission, from The Wilson Quarterly,
Spring, 1983.  Typing it for you gives me another chance to giggle over
it, but this is less funny when one realizes the mistakes are from
actual college freshmen.
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                       When Life Reeked With Joy
                          By Anders Henrickson

     One of the most hilarious forms of comedy, a favorite with most  of
us,  is the blooper.  And some of the best come from the pens of college
freshmen.  Following are some inspired examples:
     During the Middle Ages, every body was  middle  aged.   Church  and
state were cooperatic.  Middle Evil society was made up of monks, lords,
and surfs.  It is unfortunate that we do not  have  a  medivel  European
laid out on a table before us, ready for dissection.  After a revival of
infantile commerce slowly creeped into Europe, merchants appeared.  Some
were  sitters  and  some  were  drifters.  They roamed from town to town
exposing themselves and  organizing  big  fairies  in  the  countryside.
Mideval  people  were  violent.   Murder during this Period was nothing.
Everybody killed someone.  England fought numerously for land in  France
and  ended up wining and losing.  The Crusades were a series of military
expaditions made by Christians seeking to free the holy land (the  "Home
Town" of Christ) from the Islams.
     In the 1400 hundreds most Englishmen were perpendicular.   A  class
of  yeowls  arose.  Finally, Europe caught the Black Death.  The bubonic
plague is a social disease in the sense that it can  be  transmitted  by
intercourse  and  other  etceteras.   It was spread from port to port by
infected rats.  Victims of the Black Death grew boobs  on  their  necks.
The  plague  also  helped  the  emergance of the English language as the
national language of England, France and Italy.
     The Middle Ages slimpared to a halt.  The renasence bolted in  from
the  blue.  Life reeked with joy.  Italy became robust, and more indivi-
duals felt the value of their human being.  Italy, of course,  was  much
closer  to  the  rest  of  the world thanks to Northern Europe.  Man was
determined to civilise himself and his brothers, even if  heads  had  to
roll!   It  became  sheik  to be educated.  Art was on a more associated
level.  Europe was full of incredable churches with  great  art  bulging
out  their doors.  Renaissance merchants were beautiful and almost life-
like.
     The Reformnation happened when German nobles resented the idea that
tithes  were  going to Papal France or the Pope, thus enriching Catholic
coiffures.  Traditions had become oppressive so they too were crushed in
the wake of man's quest for ressurection above the not-just-social beast
he had become.  An angry Martin Luther nailed 95 theocrats to  a  church
door.  Theologically, Luthar was into reorientation mutation.  Calvinism
was the most convenient religion since the days of the  ancients.   Ana-
baptist  services  tended  to  be migratory.  The Popes, of course, were
usually Catholic.  Monks went right on seeing themselves as worms.   The
last Jesuit priest died in the 19th century.
     After the refirmation were wars both foreign and infernal.  If  the
Spanish  could  gain  the  Netherlands  they  would  have  a  stronghold
throughout northern Europe which would include their posetions in Italy,
Burgangy,  central Europe and India thus serrounding France.  The German
Emporer's lower passage was blocked by the French for years and years.
     Louise XIV became King of the Sun.  He gave  the  people  food  and
artillery.   If  he  didn't like someone, he sent them to the gallows to
row for the rest of their lives.  Vauban was the royal minister of flir-
tation.   In Russia the 17th century was known as the time of the bound-
ing of the serfs.  Russian nobles wore clothes only to humour Peter  the
Great.   Peter  filled his government with accidental people and built a
new capital near the European boarder.  Orthodox priests became  govern-
ment antennae.
     The enlightenment was a reasonable  time.   Voltare  wrote  a  book
called "Candy" that got him into trouble with Frederick the Great.  Phi-
losophers were unknown as yet, and the  fundamental  stake  was  one  of
religious  toleration slightly confused with defeatism.  France was in a
very serious state.  Taxation was a great drain  on  the  state  budget.
The  French revolution was accomplished before it happened.  The revolu-
tion evolved through republican and tolarian phases until it  catapulted
into  Napoleon.   Napoleon  was  ill  with bladder problems and was very
tense and unrestrained.
     History, a record  of  things  left  behind  by  past  generations,
started  in  1815.  Throughout the comparatively radical years 1815-1870
the western European  continent  was  undergoing  a  Rampant  period  of
economic modification.  Industrialization was precipitating in England.
     Problems were so complexicated that in Paris, out of a city popula-
tion of 1 million people, 2 million able bodies were on the loose.
     Great Brittian, the USA and other European countrys had  demicratic
leanings.   The middle class was tired and needed a rest.  The old order
could see the lid holding down new ideas beginning to shake.  Among  the
goals of the chartists were universal suferage and anal parliment.  Vot-
ing was to be done by ballad.
     A new time zone of national unification roared  over  the  horizon.
Founder  of  the  new  Italy was Cavour, an intelligent Sardine from the
north.  Nationalism aided Itally because nationalism is the growth of an
army.   We  can  see  that  nationalism  succeeded for Itally because of
France's big army.  Napoleam III-IV  mounted  the  French  thrown.   One
thinks  of  Napoleon  III  as  a  live  extension of the late but great,
Napoleon.  Here too was the new Germany:  loud, bold, vulgar and full of
reality.
     Culture fomented from Europe's tip to its  top.   Richard  Strauss,
who  was  violent  but  methodical  like his wife made him, plunged into
vicious and perverse plays.  Dramatized were adventures in seduction and
abortion.   Music  reeked with reality.  Wagner was master of music, and
people did not forget his contribution.  When he died they  labeled  his
seat  "historical."   Other countries had their own artists.  France had
Chekhov.
     World War I broke out around 1912-1914.  Germany was on one side of
France  and Russia was on the other.  At war people get killed, and then
they aren't people any more, but friends.  Peace was proclaimed at  Ver-
sigh,  which  was  attended  by George Loid, Primal Minister of England.
President Wilson arrived with 14 pointers.  In 1937 Lenin revolted  Rus-
sia.   Communism  raged  among  the  peasants,  and the civil war  "team
colours" were red and white.
     Germany was displaced after WWI.  This gave rise to  Hitler.   Ger-
many  was  morbidly  overexcited  and  unbalanced.   Berlin  became  the
decadent capital, where all forms of sexual deprivations were practised.
A  huge anti-semantic movement arose.  Attractive slogans like "death to
all Jews" were used by  government  groups.   Hitler  remilitarized  the
Rineland over a squirmish between Germany and France.
     The appeasers were  blinded  by  the  great  red  of  the  Soviets.
Moosealini  rested  his foundations on 8 million bayonets and invaded Hi
Lee Salasy.  Germany invaded Poland, France invaded Belgium, and  Russia
invaded  everybody.   War  screeched to an end when a nukuleer explosion
was dropped on Heroshima.  A whole generation had been wipe out  in  two
world wars, and their forlorne families were left to pick up the peaces.
     According to Fromm, individuation began  historically  in  medieval
times.   This  was  a  period  of  small childhood.  There is increasing
experience as adolescence experiences its life  development.   The  last
stage is us.
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