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From: unicorn@bmcg.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Dealing with Family Disagreements
Message-ID: <810@bmcg.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 29-Feb-84 08:57:57 EST
Article-I.D.: bmcg.810
Posted: Wed Feb 29 08:57:57 1984
Date-Received: Thu, 1-Mar-84 03:12:50 EST
Organization: Burroughs Corporation, San Diego
Lines: 45

I have an 8 yr. old girl who is the most ornery,
disagreeable, stubborn kid imaginable.  She has
the view that she is the equal with both me and
her stepfather when it comes to privileges (watching
which TV programs, etc), and in the past, has refused
to compromise one iota.  In fact, she became sullen,
even more disagreeable, and horrid to be around when
crossed or denied anything.

We won't discuss how this personality formed;  it's a
long story involving a mild case of cerebral palsy and
a psychologist who prescribed Stelazine at age 2 to "even
her even-then erratic moods".

Anyhow, one night last week, all three of us sat down at
the kitchen table with a piece of paper & pencil each...and
wrote down "Family Rules"...what we did and didn't like about
what someone else has been doing and what to do about it...and
the consequences of breaking a rule.

We then read our rules, one at a time, taking turns.

Bruce & I both had as number one:  Kim is cranky, crabby, and
negative about everything.  She looked down and said nothing.
I asked her if she realized this, and she quietly answered yes.

I, for one, learned a great deal from what she wrote:  things
I didn't realize I was doing that were dead wrong.  

She became animated and cooperative from that point on...we still
have problems, of course...and it's only been a week, but NOTHING
ELSE HAD EVER WORKED.  The "Rules List" is dynamic...we meet
whenever necessary and append it.

Consequences of breaking rules are interesting;  adults must
pay them too.  For example, one hated chore around the house
is picking up the dog dirt (we have 2 puppies who live outside);
this is Kim's regular chore, and if an adult breaks a rule, he/she
must do this chore one day.  And so on.

Perhaps this works only with children at an age of some reason...
which I suspect.

Reactions???