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From: 68579647@sdccsu3.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: A Long, humorous (?) adventure-type story
Message-ID: <1615@sdccsu3.UUCP>
Date: Sat, 3-Mar-84 20:07:01 EST
Article-I.D.: sdccsu3.1615
Posted: Sat Mar  3 20:07:01 1984
Date-Received: Mon, 5-Mar-84 00:29:31 EST
Organization: U.C. San Diego, Computer Center
Lines: 333


Some more adventures like they are (in 7 chapters)   

                              I

Okay, so we were supposed to go rescue this dwarf's father from some
sort of creatures. We were in this town, and there were these wizards
who were brothers, and they worshipped the norse goddess of death,
called "Hel". Mouse steps up to the front door of one of these guys, and
(stupidly), he goes inside when he tells the guy that he knows the dwarf
called Thoron. The wizard messes up his mind so he tries to prevent his
friends from reaching the place they want to go. Nobody else knows about
this, of course. In a bar, Mouse pays a slob a platinum piece to go
up to a party member (Pierre), and hit him over his head with his own
banjo, which he was playing at the time. As the slob is walking back
to his table, Winn, another party member, (who is a gnome) walks up
unseen by the slob and hits him below the belt with his staff. The
slob doubles over and there's a brawl. The lights is turned out for
Pierre as somebody casts a spell of darkness on him. Then there is a big
shadow in a 30' radius around him. Eventually, we split, and there are
no scape-goats. However, one of us turns into a bear, a very bad habit
he has. This leads to complications as the citizens of the city run for
shelter in a nearby fort, leaving some of us to peek into the
jewelry-shops and find nothing. Thoron is found two-timing his wife when
she showed up quite suddenly after a long while. She walks out on him.
Everyone gets settled and we left for the island.

		  
			     II
                 (The unwelcoming commitee)

The island we went to is called Talus, I think. We had to kill a bunch
of people and we made a bad impression. The Wraith (a party member)
stuck a broach on his clothing that he found on the body of the
commanding weird person. When we went to a city he could not speak the
language of the citizens and was put under arrest. The questioner asked,
"Ok, what are you doing here?" The Wraith answered that he and
friends were looking for a dwarf called Fred who had done him a big
wrong, although this was a big lie. He said that because theese people
hated dwarves. "Listen. If you do just one thing wrong, I'll have you in
jail." Wraith assumed it was weird for people to come to this island of
their own free will (like Russia) since this place was primitive. He was
on probation. He told Mhoram about what he told the questioner, but
unfortunately, people have a tendency to forget what the Wraith says,
and that he's even saying anything at all. This is too-bad, because
Mhoram is questioned by some guy, who says, "Why are you here?" And
Mhoram comes up with a different story. Then the questioner says, "Have
you ever heard of anyone called "Fred"? To which Mhoron (I mean Mhoram)
confesses forgetfully that he "might have", but couldn't remember
off-hand. "Well, this person claims that you are looking for a dwarf
called Fred." "Well, my companion here is sick, and we are here to cure
him by Odin's power." Thoron hid out in the forest until he was
discovered by some people. He was put in prison to be burned later, when
we tried to rescue him. Again unfortunately, The Wraith was not there
mentally at the time, so naturally the sceme failed, and we were all in
trouble with the king. He sent us thru a type of magical loop in mid-air
after confiscating all our possessions except he gave Winn a staff, as
he was a favorite.


                             III
		Suff'rn on the Steppes


On the other side, we ended up in an artic tundra,
and wow, was it cold. During summertime, too. As added companions, we
had some fellows whom we will call Tim and Matthias. Maybe there were
some other people as well, but if so, they were of no consequence. We
spent a little time looking for food and the means to light a fire but
were dissapointed. Tim vanished into thin air, as it were. The Wraith
discovers on his person a jewel which grows warm or hot when met with
the sun's rays. His friends tell him he smuggled it. Then there were
some neanderthalic people whom we befriended. They were going north, but
some of us wanted to go south. Our group split up here. Mhoram, Pierre,
The Wraith, and Winn went with the tribe, and Matthias, Thoron, and
anybody else I forgot to mention went south.
I will first tell what happened to the people who went south.
They encountered some dragon-like creatures and told them, "We come in
peace," and they got a lift to where Thoron's father and a bunch of
dwarves were being held for some purpose which I do not know. 
I will get back to them later. Mhoram turned into a bear again, and this
frightened the tribe people, but we stuck with them anyway. They led us
to a tall range of mountains. We see a flock of birds, but Mhoram
forgets that his familiar is hovering around him, bored, so we didn't
get any.

                              IV
                     Tropical stuff, and Mua-Muas
                      

We went thru a pass into a volcanically heated valley with
weird, unusual plants and, of course, a volcano. There is a large
villiage of these people here. Winn starts dancing and gets rocks thrown
at him, so he stops. The volcano is called Yog Sogoth (?) by these guys.
A cave-girl strikes up a relationship with Mhoram although he turns her
down. We suspect that the volcano is the key out here. If we can get
back to the king within a year, he'll give us back our possessions. The
locals seem to think the volcano is some god with monsters and such, and
they advise against us going there. We do anyway, after we imbibed of
some herbal soup during the middle of the night. Taking a trail up the
side of the volcano, we find an altar and some strange garbage, like a
mace. The floor crumbles around somebody as someone touches it. A trap.
Later we also get a bow. It was reached by sending Mhoram's familiar to
get it, since it was tied to the ceiling over a pit. The Wraith wades
thru a pond of warm water with a rope tied around his waist. As he
reaches the middle of it, it opens up and he plummets about 200 feet
into a small lake. So does Mhoram and Pierre and Winn eventually.
Mhoram gets bitten by some sharks in the lake, but everybody else is
fine. Pierre thinks that as he falls, maybe he'll fall head-first with
his fists in constant fighting motion, so as to land on a shark and kill
it, but thinks better of it and falls normally. We are now in an
underground place. There is a waterfall coming from a cave and a tunnel.
Mhoram's familiar flaps off down the tunnel to check it out and comes
back in hurry. He is being followed by some chanting red humanoid
figures saying "Mua Mua Mua Mua Mua Mua Moi (etc.)". We run up a path by
the waterfall's edge which the Wraith cleverly discovers ("There's a
path here!", he shouts through his sopping wet black velvet mask
[actually, it is not known is he was wearing this getup at any time, as
it is very impractical.])

Everyone scaled the path, but Mhoram gets in trouble with the creatures
called Mua-Muas, which shall be easiest to remember since that is all
they say. One grabs hit ankle and he beats it off with the new mace.
Everyone beats feet uphill and into a tunnel which the stream flows
thru. "Mua", says a big Mua-Mua who thrust its head up to tunnel-level.
The stream ran from a crack
in the wall, the tunnel itself curved until it opened into an
appearantly large room.
"You fool! You'll be eaten by the mua mua muas!", Winn cried after
someone.

 Up ahead, a side passage
 revealed itself, and they all rushed into it. They could still hear the
 sounds of their pursuers not far behind them. However, they all halted
 abruptly at a frustrating sight: before them was a two feet broad
 span of marble crossing to the far side of this new room, whose real
 floor was concealed in the darkness beyond the marble slopes on both
 side of the bridge. There were very gusty winds.

  Pierre started to run across to the door on the opposite side, but was
  almost instantly buffeted off the marble. The sound of him sliding and
  screaming in wolfslangish continued for a few seconds, but very soon
  the noise of the wind overpowered all other indistinct sounds. A group
  of mua-muas appeared in the arch behind everyone, and so Winn and
  Mhoram took the plunge and slid off down the side which Pierre had
fallen down. The Wraith thought he might be able to run across the chamber,
but the powerful winds knocked him off opposite the side which everyone
else had fallen.

   Although he was un-injured, the top of the ridge was thirty feet up,
and there was no way for him to climb up the steep enbankment. However,
there was (luckily) an archway in front of him, so he sped off into the
darkness and fell into a pit which was about twenty feet in diameter. He
fell for a while, but by spreading himself out on a horizontal plane, he
enabled himself to fall slower. Actually, though, the only thing which
kept him from falling extremely fast was that there was a fantasically
strong gale blowing up out of the depths. 

The exact same thing had happened to the other people, save that they
were on the opposite side.

   When Warth finally reached the bottom, he landed with a soft thud,
but in no way was he hurt besides a few bruises. The wind had,
impossibly, stopped at the bottom of the giant shaft, and no amount of
arguing can change the fact that the gale sprung out of the thin-air
(which was pretty thin, or had been, considering the altitude at which
Warth had been before he had fallen down a collasping lake and two other
pits, the shaft not included). This new room was lit by torches which had
little unrecognizable stanzas written into them. The air was filled
with a lot of black smoke which made his eyes water. There were some
steps leading up at the nether end of this chamber, so he trudged up
them, so much the action-packed character he was.

He saw the other people before they saw him, so he said in a loud voice,
"Boo! I am the wraith of the Wraith!" Everybody was together again, for
now.

   "Maybe we should go look around on the top of the hill," Winn
   suggested. They had gone down a deep shaft with a very strong gale
   blowing an had stepped out of a smoke filled room. Afterwords, they
   had seen an ominous sign reading, "WELCOME TO HADES", and had beat
   feet, trying to escape from a multitude of mua-muas.
   Everybody agreed to go up, but they were instantly spotted by a group
   of twenty or so mua-muas in the sulferous valley below. A battle
   ensued since nobody could get away fast enough, in which Mhohoram had
   been badly injured by some acidic substance the blobs secreted.
   Meanwhile, Winn Dexter, the sickly gnome, had beaten the mua-muas
   with an ordinary tree branch. Eventually the group found a bronze
   plaque which they determined was a map, since it had lines (trails),
   with weird symbols (points of interest) dotted here-and-there. They
   jogged up one of the rocky trails and saw, against some grey
   mountains, a tall, thin castle with black turrents and walls.

     "Do you want to go over there?" asked Winn.

     "Are you kidding!?", Pierre admonished. "That place must be a
    mua-mua warehouse, a mua-mua factory! It'll be swarming with
    mua-muas!"

     They took another trail and saw a canyon strewn with geysers and
     vapours. Nobody wanted to go down there, so they tried another
     trail and saw a lot of hills that were pointy in the extremist
     degree. Although these hills were only about fifty feet in diameter
     (they were round) in the largest size at the base, they all
     narrowed down to a seeming pin-point at their tops. They were all
     in clusters, and except that it would be impossible for such a
     formation of giant-sized rocks to exist, you might say they were
     monolithic stalagmites. These were in a huge cluster, with the
     smallest ones around the perimeter and the giant-sized ones near
     the center. They saw some more mua-muas and ducked inside the
     cluster, but one of the blob-like figures came close to where they
     were hiding. 

       "Mua? Mua? Mua!", it said excitedly at seeing them. Th1ey all had
     run again, this time pursued by about fifty mua-muas of four feet
     in hight. As they neared a group of greek-type pillars, the
     mua-muas halted reluctantly. Some of them stretched forth a
     drooping arm and growled "muaaa!", which gave Mhohoram an urge to
     turn around and run back, but he kept on running towards the
     pillars where everyone observed an old man wearing purple robes.
       "And what can I do for you?" he asked politely
     "We want to get out of here!" Pierre blurted.
     "Yeah, take us out! Can you do that?" asked Winn.
     "I can take you anywhere in the multiverse," the man said.
     "But what can you do for me in return?"
     "We don't have anything to offer...", Mhoram said under his
     breath.
      "You can give me knowledge," the man suggested.
      "Tell me something I don't already know."
      "Did you know that there are a lot of mua-muas out there?" Pierre
      asked.
      "Yes, I already knew that," the man stated.
      "Well, did you know that there's a black castle in the distance?"
  asked Winn.
      "Yes, I already knew that."
      "Who lives there?" Asked Mhoram.
      "Why, the lord of the province." the man answered.
      "Well, did you know that there is a city in which there is an
  unjust ruler?"
      "That's nothing," the man said.
      "Hey," Pierre whispered to his companions.
      "This guy is going to say, "I already knew that," to everything we
      say."
      "Well, let's keep on trying."
      "Did you know that there are some neanderthals who live in a
      valley and drink a weird herbal soup?" ask Winn. 
      "No, I did not," the man said, and tapped him with a staff he was
      carrying. He began to glow and fade. The man explained that he was
      being sent on his way.

      { Pierre mentioned that it would be too bad to have to do all this
      over again, in which case he would tell the old man, "There are
      some flies on that hill over there." }

      Actually, I forget what he really said, although he made it. 

      "I battled the clone of a monstrous demon in a mountain," Mhoram
      stated.
      "Did you kill it?" the man asked.
      "Yes." 
      "Was it as tough as that fifteen feet tall red, glowing mua-mua
      over there?"
      "I...Don't know."
      "Why don't you run over there and find out?"
      "I can't! I'm too weak! I don't have anything to fight it with!"
      "Very well," the wizened old man sighed. "I don't want you to
      strain your brain any longer," he said, and tapped him with his
      staff, causing him to glow bluely.

      { Before that, though, Mhoram's familiar was able to answer a
      question, as was the Wraith, o' course. }


To conserve energy, since there was already an existing account of what
transpired in the mua-mua caves, (most of it, anyway), it was not
written over again. You have just read the existing account. A lot of it
was updated and most of it is new.


			      V
            Meanwhile, back to Matthias and Thoron

They fought a big battle with some robed and hooded creatures with no
visages. A lot of dwarves died, but about four were liberated from
slavery, or whatever was going to happen to them. This was on a ship.
They then went back to the castle, where everyone else was.


			     VI
		Lost and Found 

The king was surprised (I'd suppose) to see us. He then lamely said that
all the treasures in his armory were stolen, and this seems to include
our stuff. Like our weapons. A note was left to us, which we were to
follow the advise of, to find our things again.
Pierre asked a guard what happened, and the guard said he saw a "devil
(demon?) - dog" stop him from doing anything about the theft. The pile
of junk dissapeared, perhaps.
We set sail for where-ever the guy is, that made the note.


			   VII
	             The sailing part

A new character is here with us at this time, and we shall call him
Charley, or Charles. He is loud-mouthed and tells people to shut up.
A good thing about him is that he can change into different forms of
creatures which can do a lot of damage. We encounter a haunted vessal,
and it's going to ram us. Winn waves his wound of wounder
(wand of wonder?) at the ship, and the sails turn to stone, collapsing.
We fight a skeletal crew, and the Wraith has a sword which likes to kill
things which are already dead, so great. We loot it and burn it. The
incident is really a profitable one except that more than half our
sailors died. Later, there's a sea-monster which is greedy and wants
some treasure or food, but we give it some stuff and also say, later on
we'll come back and give you some more stuff. "ok," he says.
There is a small island spotted. We assume this is the right place.
In the future, there are so-many plots and sub-plots that everyone will
wish he'd just let the looney have their items and go down to the
nearest bar to start a fight or something.
We row out to the island in a row-boat, telling the people to wait for
us in the galley...


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