Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site watcgl.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!watcgl!dmmartindale From: dmmartindale@watcgl.UUCP (Dave Martindale) Newsgroups: net.women Subject: Re: emotional control in the workplace Message-ID: <2178@watcgl.UUCP> Date: Mon, 27-Feb-84 01:06:24 EST Article-I.D.: watcgl.2178 Posted: Mon Feb 27 01:06:24 1984 Date-Received: Mon, 27-Feb-84 08:34:41 EST References: <2071@hplabsb.UUCP> Organization: U of Waterloo, Ontario Lines: 70 I'm surprised that I haven't seen any responses to Patricia Collins' article yet (but then, I'm a bit behind in reading...) A few comments of my own: Suppressing emotions, of all sorts, at the time that they occur is natural for me by now. Being brought up as a "gentleman", I was taught not to show anger. Being brought up as a "man", I was taught not to show fear, or sadness, or anything that can be interpreted as "weakness). Sometimes, after the immediate event is over, I can let these feelings out in a controlled (or sometimes uncontrolled) manner, depending on the circumstances. ANGER: I will sometimes show anger with someone in the workplace, but usually just enough to add emphasis to what I'm saying. Only if I'm very, very upset will I "blow up" at someone. CRYING: This is a very strong taboo. Men don't cry, at least in public. Or at least that seems to be the expectation. I feel I would lose a lot of respect from people around me if I was to cry at work. Since it seems that the "rules", or expectations, in work environments are still pretty much determined by male standards, I think a woman who cries would also suffer a loss of respect, at least from some colleagues. But not to the extent that a man would. FEAR: I don't think that admitting a shortcoming or self-doubt to your supervisor, occasionally, is harmful. Certainly not as harmful as hiding a shortcoming that they are going to discover eventually anyway. But continual expressions of self-doubt will likely be taken as a demonstration of insecurity, which is a negative thing. On the other hand, someone who always appears absolutely confident of themselves is probably insecure too. Now, general comments: Yes, the advent of women in traditionally- male fields will bring the issue of appropriate "rules" of conduct in the workplace into question. Or, at least I hope it will. I think the current situation, where real emotion is suppressed, is unnecessarily inhuman. In competitive business situations, where people are competing with one another, good emotional control is an asset and will probably always be practised. But I don't believe it should be necessary for co-workers to compete with each other, and in that environment the expression of emotions should be encouraged. I think this would help, not hurt, productivity, so management should not object. Unfortunately, I'm not sure it's getting any better. Even if I were working in an environment where all of the other workers were women (what a change that would be!), I think I'd still be reluctant to display emotions freely. I still get the impression that many woman would lose some respect for a man if they saw him crying. Is this not true? It isn't enough for someone to say "I think that people should be allowed to express emotion"; they also have to BELIEVE it in their subconscious. As long as I sense that it is to my disadvantage to let my emotions show, I will naturally try to suppress them. Even in an "ideal" environment, I would feel somewhat constrained by the unconscious values I learned in childhood: displaying emotion is a sign of weakness, which is bad. And changing deeply-held emotional responses like these, in you and in me, is neither easy nor fast. Maybe it will take several generations to unlearn fully. In the short run, people may come to see that male-dominated workplace standards are particularly harsh for women who didn't grow up with them, and the standards may shift to allow more emotional expression. I only hope that this doesn't create a double standard; that it benefits men as well as women. Dave Martindale {decvax,ihnp4,allegra}!watmath!dmmartindale