Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site hopd3.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!decvax!harpo!eagle!mhuxt!mhuxi!mhuxa!houxm!hopd3!raf From: raf@hopd3.UUCP Newsgroups: net.jokes Subject: Re: Offensive jokes Message-ID: <133@hopd3.UUCP> Date: Fri, 29-Jul-83 08:51:16 EDT Article-I.D.: hopd3.133 Posted: Fri Jul 29 08:51:16 1983 Date-Received: Sun, 31-Jul-83 20:46:55 EDT References: <190@flairvax.UUCP> Organization: Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ Lines: 56 This guy walks up to the bar and says, "I'd like four beers for my friends and myself please." While the bartender is puring the beers the customer says, "While we're at it, how'd you like to bet me $50 I can bite myself in the eye?" This is a new one on the bartender. How can anyone bite themselves in the eye? "O.K. (for olles korrect)" and he takes his $50 out of the cash register and puts it on the bar. "Let's see you bite yourself in the eye." So the guy pops out his glass eye and bites it! Needless to say the bartender is pretty upset with this trick, and even moreso when he sees the one eyed man and his friends having a good laugh at their table at his expense. (just because your paranoid doesn't mean people aren't laughing at you.) The bartender vows under his breath never to take another sucker bet. Well, a while later that same customer is back for more beers. "I hope you're not angry" he says "and just to make it up to you I'll give you a chance to win your $50 back." The bartender says nothing, remembering his oath. "Come on, at least hear me out. I'll bet you another $50 I can bite my other eye. The bartender thinks this over. He can't have another glass eye, because he isn't carrying a cane, no seeing eye dog... "You're on" he says slapping another $50 on the bar. The guy pops out his false teeth and bites his other eye with them! The bartender is furious, but knows he's been had fair and square. Pretty soon the bionic man is back with his friends having another hearty laugh. The bartender renews his oath. Given sufficient time to drink his beer, the champ is back for more of the same. "I'm a good sport" he says "so I'll tell you what. I'll bet you $100..." "NO BETS" "that I can stand on one end of the bar..." "I'M NOT LISTENING" "and piss in a shot glass..." "HERE ARE YOUR BEERS" "at the other end of the bar..." I CAN'T HEAR YOU" "and not spill a drop." ...pause... "This bar is sixty feet long." "I can see that with my good eye." "Not spill a drop?" "Not one." "You're on!" and he slaps down another hundred. Well the customer climbs up on to the bar at one end, and the bartender puts the shot glass at the other end of the bar, chuckling to himself because he's going to get his money back. The customer whips it out...and pisses all over the bar! The bartender collects his winnings, "I don't understand" he says "you had me for $100 and you pissed it all away. How come?" "Well you know those three guys I'm with? I bet them $200 each I could piss all over your bar and you wouldn't get mad."