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From: rh@mit-eddie.UUCP (Randy Haskins)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: no smoking slogans
Message-ID: <529@mit-eddie.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 1-Aug-83 13:14:21 EDT
Article-I.D.: mit-eddie.529
Posted: Mon Aug  1 13:14:21 1983
Date-Received: Mon, 1-Aug-83 20:50:13 EDT
Organization: MIT, Cambridge, MA
Lines: 59

Well, due to a number of positive responses and no negative ones,
here they are....

/* note: comments are in {}'s */

Part one --- No smoking: Violators will be....

1)  shot at dawn
2)  enrolled in Course 6 {EECS}
3)  mauled by lions
4)  eaten {shows monster from bad 50's SF flick
5)  nuked blue {shows blue mushroom cloud}
6)  force-fed Extra-Strength Tylenol (R)
7)  whipped without mercy
8)  forced to eat at Lobdell {infamous bad cafeteria}
9)  forced to watch our entire series of 'No Smoking' slides
10) forced to come up with new and original 'No Smoking' slides

Part two --- testimonials

1)  Real men don't smoke
2)  {picture of Spock} Smoking is illogical
3)  {picture of Kirk} Smoking is a violation of the Prime Directive
4)  Nixon smoked.  Anyone caught smoking will be impeached.

Part three --- random

)  Because many people are still smoking at movies, despite all
    prohibitions, LSC has decided to equip all ushers with phasers
    set to stun (*).  They have orders to shoot first, and ask 
    questions later.
   * - Although if things continue...

)  Air >> Smog  .'. No smoking

)  Please don't smoke in our auditorium, and we won't fart in your
    oxygen tent.

)  SMOKING IS NOW ALLOWED !!!
    provided that anyone wishing to smoke first files with the U.S.
    government, in triplicate, an Environmental Impact Narrative
    Statement (EINS), describing in detail the type of combustion
    propose, impact on the environment, and anticipated opposition.
    Statements must be filed 30 days in advance, and will be rejected
    if anyone complains.

)  Smoking Prohibited.  Absolutely no ifs, ands, or butts.

)  Grammar Rules:
    Declarative:  Smoking is not allowed.
    Interrogative:  Will you please not smoke?
    Imperative:  Do not smoke.
    Exclamatory:  No smoking.
-- 
	Randwulf (Randy Haskins)
	genrad!mit-eddie!rh
 or...
  rh@mit-ee (via mit-mc)