From: utzoo!decvax!genradbo!grkermit!markm
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Title: HHGttN #8
Article-I.D.: grkermit.261
Posted: Thu Jan  6 12:47:35 1983
Received: Fri Jan  7 02:42:30 1983


(From the asbestos reinforced bunkers at GRKermit, the war goes on.
The reply to the Phlamers - "Nuts!!" . . . What, me worry? )


					 Hitch Hikers Guide To The Net
					Episode 8 - The Flamers Return

(The crew of the Infinity are proceeding to where the TTY directed
them. A place where they would find out more about the answer to
Life, the Net, and Everything.)

Arnold Lint:	This is sure a long trip.
Martin:	Why even bother to travel through the Net. All that happens
	is that you are bombarded with countless meaningless messages from
	Singularans about  how they feel, and how they feel they should feel,
	and how others feel they should feel. You just get over that and some
	droning Flamer gets on about how drunk drivers should be allowed to
	retain their licenses only if they have oral sex with a diseased Yak,
	and they go on, and on, and on, not even realising that no one is
	really paying attention. Just when you finally get up nerve to post
	something, some jello-brained fanatic gets on your case about how you
	should spell things correctly and "we always do things proper where I
	work", and then someone else gets on trying to correlate the right to
	spell terribly with the constitution. And you never know how people
	will take things, either they're offended when they shouldn't be, or
	they take insults as just good conversation. And if you try to keep
	personalities out of what you post, some half wit from a fabled
	crappy state on the eastern sea-board comes along and starts getting
	personal with the insults, not realising what he is really getting
	into. And then some ematiated loony starts posting 150 line
	complaints about people posting 150 line articles, which they don't
	have to read anyway, but feel obliged to comment on simply because
	their minute egos need the boost of ragging on someone they've never
	met. And then some deranged cat-molester starts some boring discussion
	about the role of contraception in the development of the ballpoint
	pen, which goes on, and on, and you find that before long your 'n'
	key has lost the printing on it from overuse. And then people start
	sending endless messages about stopping the endless messages of the
	ongoing debate.  And then your brain bursts from frustration and even
	if you try to contribute something worthwhile to the Net, somone's
	always getting his rear out of joint about something . . .
Xaphod:	Will you shut the @#$% up!
Martin:	Sure, why not, you weren't really interested anyway.
Rod:	You're bloody right about that.

(All of a sudden, the hall they are travelling darkens. Twenty-two
Flamers beam into view. They are noticibly ticked off.)

Commander:	Look you, we told you to take your mindless drivel off the Net.
Number 1:	Yah!
Number 2:	Yah!
Rod:	Yah! . . . yah, yah, yah.
Xaphod:	Since when.
Commander:	Well, it was in a different time, we boarded your vessel,
	acted like the mindless, malodorous, sodomistic necrophiles that we
	are, did a lot of shouting, and told you to forever leave the Net.
Xaphod:	Oh yeah, you must be the Flamers from Kekraphoon, you're the
	ones with the dillusions of representing the consciousness of the Net.
Rod:	What a pack of twits, don't you know that the HHGttN has
	received almost overwhelming support from all over Netland?
Number 1:	We'll have to blast you.
Xaphod:	You had your chance torch-head. You should have spoken up
	when we started. But now we have a loyal following.
Number 2:	But you are taking up valuable space.
Rod:	You must be kidding, with the vast quantities of stuff that
	are considerably longer than HHGttN that go out on the Net, and
	ignored totally,  you have the narrow mindedness to use such a worn out
	argument. 
Commander:	What do you expect!
Gillian:	Haven't you noticed people asking for missed episodes?
Number 1:	Well . . . we choose to ignore that.
Commander:	Now hold it, we want you OFF. You're upsetting the
	balance. Time was when we Flamers had the run of the Net. Those were
	the good old days, pouncing on innocent people posting messages for no
	reason at all. People cowering in their offices, wondering if we
	would cut them to ribbons for spelling errors. Now you've ruined it.
	We just can't deal with . . . satire (Dinsdale?). Our weak attempts to
	counterattack fade quickly. No, you've got to GO, so we can retain
	our purity of essence and have no contamination of our precious
	bodily fluids.
Xaphod:	PUSH OFF you stiff! You aren't the bloody consciousness of
	the Net, you aren't even conscious. If you don't like the stuff,
	nobody is forcing you to read it. What are you, one of those Moral
	Majority types. Yah, that's it, you don't like what people say, so
	you try to make sure that nobody hears it. That's censorship, mate.
	Just because you don't appreciate or understand something, doesn't
	make everyone who does wrong.
Commander:	Uh, uh . . .
Rod:	Why don't we start throwing insults at the guy who sent the
	Flamers. We could kick around his childhood and stuff like that.
Xaphod:	No, let's not go down to that level.
Gillian:	Yah, lets keep our values.

[The editors of "The Hitch Hikers Guide To The Net" point out that
every attempt is made NOT to name names or point fingers. The HHGttN
is a compendium of commentary intended to help understand what goes
on in Netland, a place often billed as a "wheatfield of mental
disorders". The editors also point out that all episodes are intended
purely in the spirit of comedic-satire. Any insults to any
individual's religion, political views, or anything like that is
either purely accidental, or definately intentional. The HHGttN
complaints department is open at all hours, but has so far only received
one (well intended) complaint, which was kindly accepted and
acknowledged to the sender. The editors remind all Netlanders that
there is no evil spell forcing them to read HHGttN (even though it
makes perfectly good sense to do so)!!! ]

(In a fit of frustration, the Flamers depart, muttering something
about "We shall return".)

Arnold Lint:	Well, that was exciting.
Xaphod:	Now let's get going and find the answer.
Rod:	Yah, and the dirty books.
Gillian:	(Looking at a huge mural on what could be considered the
	wall) Look over there, it looks like a whole new Net!
Martin:	Oh no, not another.

		******************** End Of Part 8 ********************

Will the crew of the Infinity ever find the answer, or will they get
interupted again, to find out  . . . Tune in next time . . .  same
Net-time . . . same Net-channel.