From: utzoo!watmath!watarts!geo Newsgroups: net.women Title: Re: a compliment (?) Article-I.D.: watarts.1713 Posted: Thu Feb 24 05:30:56 1983 Received: Thu Feb 24 09:27:08 1983 Reply-To: geo@watarts (Geo Swan) References: burdvax.567 Women who hear "compliments" like, "you think just like a man", have my full sympathy. I think I can really identify with you. It reminds me of discussions I have had with feminists around here. The feminists will be sitting around, saying "Patriarchy this, Patriarchy that, Patriarchy the other thing". I feel very uncomfortable with this kind of talk, and sometimes I will say something. Generally, in the most tactful way I know how, I say, "well, you know, \I'm/ a man." To which my friends respond by putting their hand on my arm, or something like that, and saying "Oh no Geo, when we talk about \men/, we don't mean \you/! I mean, we've heard what you say. You're a Feminist!" I hate hearing this. While I am all in favour of the mundane tenets of Feminism, there are a number of aspects to it that I just can't swallow. I feel really co-opted when my friends say this to me. I get the feeling that what they are really telling me is, "Oh no Geo, when we talk about \men/ (those brute beasts), we don't mean you. I mean you do all the right things. You never get angry with us. You never interrupt us. You say the right things. Why you are a (provisional, probationary, second class) Feminist, and we will continue to consider you a Feminist, rather than a brute beast, so long as you continue to toe the line." So I think I can understand how women might feel infuriated by being told that they thought like men, or something like that. I guess I have raised the issue of what it means to be a man who is sensitive to the tenets of Feminism. It is a really tough question, and I am interested in hearing what other people on the net think about it. However, I don't think that discussion belongs here. Whem mts@houxo started this group, she planned for it to provide a forum to support women. It would be discourteous to clutter her group with material of no interest to the originators of the group. So, if you wish to respond, post to me, or to net.misc. I will be prepared to summarize. I am prepared to count votes for the formation of a group to discuss issues like this (net.sex-roles(?)). Cordially, decvax!watmath!watarts!geo Geo Swan Integrated Studies University of Waterloo