From: utzoo!watmath!idallen Newsgroups: net.singles Title: Re: re: multiple relationships Article-I.D.: watmath.4714 Posted: Fri Mar 11 19:44:27 1983 Received: Sat Mar 12 09:22:17 1983 References: ihldt.1358 But since you brought up the subject of jealousy... Were these women who broke up with you seeing other men also? If they had been "involved" with someone else, they probably would have been able to handle your other relationships a lot better. Are you saying that you get jealous? What is jealousy, anyway? How closely connected is it to low self-esteem? Is it the fear that your MOTOS will find someone "better" than you (fear of loss)? -Sarah The women were not seeing, and did not want to see, other men. Yes, I do get jealous at times. There have been times when I have wanted particular person's company when she was with someone else. My feeling when this happens is not "he shouldn't have her attention", but more "I wish there were two of her" to keep us all happy. I don't want to "own" someone. I mean, to be honest I only want the person to be free when I want to be with her. What she does with other people during the times we are apart doesn't bother me too much. (I say "too much"; I sometimes have mild fears that she may find someone "better" and leave me. It is a small concern; still, I wouldn't have it any other way.) People I talk with seem to react to their own jealousy by trying to restrict the activity of their partner. I'd guess that this means they are afraid of losing their relationship, and they try to protect it by enforcing ignorance of other relationship possiblilites. I think this is a shame. It may be because of low self-esteem. Jealousy is like anger -- it is to be expected, and we should be taught how to do something non-destructive (and not restrictive) with it. Struggling to cope with jealousy, and maybe some fear of losing a relationship, rewards me with (a very few) friends and (even fewer) lovers all of whom still have open to them that most exciting of experiences: getting to really know another human being. -IAN! U of Waterloo decvax!watmath!idallen