From: utzoo!decvax!genradbo!grkermit!markm
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Title: HHGttN #13
Article-I.D.: grkermit.296
Posted: Tue Feb 15 11:53:41 1983
Received: Fri Feb 18 02:42:58 1983
Expires: Tue Mar 15 00:00:00 1983


					 Hitch Hikers Guide To The Net
							  Episode 13

(When last we left Xaphod and company, Gillian was preparing to put
the boot into the first one who held the door for her - this being an
act of harrassment to the Extra Rights Activists movement.)

Martin:	Look, I'll solve the problem.

(With that, Martin blasts the door away with his built in Ultra-Zap
gun.)

Gillian:	You shouldn't have done that Martin, blasting the door
	away is the same as holding it. You are threatening my rights.
Rod:	Forget it.
Xaphod:	Yah, besides, putting the boot into old Martin wouldn't
	accomplish anything.
Martin:	Well, at least I there will be no Martin Jr.'s who have to
	endure this miserable life.
Others:	Ugh.
Arnold Lint:	Well, what do we do now?
Gillian:	I guess we'll head back to the Infinity.
Xaphod:	Yah, I guess so, this place is getting dull.
Martin:	GETTING dull!?
Rod:	Shut up!

(Xaphod and the others make their way back to the Infinity. They are
just about to take off when two strange people appear on the
Infinity's bridge. One of them is dressed in a business suit and is
carrying a brief case with a "Jesus Saves, But Only If You Make A
Deposit!" sticker on it. The other is dressed up as a Nazi SS
Captain.)

Rod:	Who are you two.
Business Man:	We represent the Church of the Holy Profit and Divine
	Purity. We believe in the Word of Adolf.
Xaphod:	Do you cats have names.
Nazi:	Names!? I'll ask the questions here.
Rod:	Could you tell us about this 'Word of Adolf'.
Business Man:	Our faith is based on the works of Hitler. When he
	rose again in Argentina, it was the sign of our upcoming dominance.
Gillian:	But, how can you worship such a man?
Nazi:	Quiet, the Fuhrer was a great leader.
Business Man:	Actually, we realized that his goals were not that
	much different than those of our previous affiliation - the Pay The
	Lord Club. He believes that our religion is best, he believes that
	all others will rot in Hell. But what makes him really different is
	that he did what all other God-fearing evangelists only dream of
	doing - KILLING THE NON-BELIEVERS!!!
Arnold Lint:	They're crazy!

[*****************************************************************************

"The Hitch Hikers Guide To The Net" points out that there was in fact
a plot conceived in the late 1970's by Jerry Foulmouth and Oral
Rectal to set up mass extermination camps under the guise of
'Religious Interface Centers'.  Fortunately, The plan was never
carried out as it would have interfered with the football season.
Project 'Clean Slate', as it was known, was rescheduled for 1984. It
was felt that the coincidence with the book of the same title would
lull the masses into thinking that all the strange happenings were
just the result of a few people just took a book a bit too seriously.

*****************************************************************************]

Xaphod:	They may be crazy, but they're right. Have you ever heard
	those guys on TV on Sunday morning. I don't half expect them to put
	all the blacks and Jews up against the wall and shoot 'em.
Nazi:	Ah what a wonderful thought.
Business Man:	We would like you to join our congregation. Our
	scanners indicate that you could be  useful additions to our 'Flock
	of Power'. We need people to go out into the Net and spread our
	beliefs. It is best when they know the bible and can cloud our
	intents with a lot of biblical quotes. You'll have to brush up a bit
	on that stuff.  Remember, you'd be better off joining us now, than
	serving us later. First, we will have a short prayer to our beloved
	Adolf .  . . everybody now . . .
Gillian:	What will we do?
Nazi:	It's simple - pray  . . . or DIE.
Business Man:	In light of that, we would accept a LARGE donation
	from you. How much do you feel your lives are worth.

(With that, the Nazi pulls out a WWII vintage MP40 sub-machine gun.
Martin, shakes off his usual bustling disinterest and zaps the Nazi
in the groin with 1000 volts. The Business man takes off and is also
quickly laid to rest by Martin's electro-gun.)

Xaphod:	Nice shooting Martin!
Rod:	Yah, really 'trific.
Martin:	I have a cousin who's Jewish - and a sister who's black.
Arnold Lint:	Yah . . . right.
Gillian:	Hard to believe a religion based on taking in money and
	bigotry. Must be a billion to one shot.
Xaphod:	Well, where shall we go now?
Rod:	How 'bout Micro-Ways!?
Gillian:	Yah!
Arnold Lint:	What's Micro-Ways?
Martin:	It's the restaurant at the end of the Net - you won't like it.

		******************** End Of Part 13 ********************

What will be found at Micro-Ways? Will they have BigMacs and
Whoppers? How about Egg McMuffins? To find out the menu . . . tune in
to the upcoming RatEotN (Restaurant at the End of the Net). Seen on
many of these Net stations in a few weeks.