From: utzoo!decvax!sultan!dag Newsgroups: net.jokes Title: Yet another "Immortal Porpoises" variation Article-I.D.: sultan.131 Posted: Sun Feb 6 14:51:41 1983 Received: Mon Feb 7 06:08:46 1983 Immortal Porpoises (author unknown) There was once a man who lived in a large city and was very happy with his life. He was a rich man, in charge of a large corporation. One day riding up to the 38th floor of his building the elevator paused on the 23rd floor. In the few seconds which it took the door to open and close again, he heard this snatch of conversation: "...immortal porpoises?" "Africa, of course." The elevator door closed, and he was left to ponder the meaning of those words. Being a sane and unimaginative man, he only pondered a few moments, then pushed the strange conversation to the back of his mind. He continued his day as usual, and forgot all about immortal porpoises in Africa... or so he thought But the next day, in the middle of an important board meeting, he the conversation being played in his head. It so disturbed him that his mind could be occupied by something this trivial, that he dismissed the startled EM VERSION 5.1FQ2 went into his office to contemplate. He finally decided he needed a vacation, so he took his jet to France that very afternoon. This was very much out of character for him. But it made little difference as the thought of immortal porpoises was beginning to haunt him. Needless to say, he got no rest in France, and returned to his business as jittery as he was when he had left it. His employees began to notice his strange behavior. Yet, pacing the floor muttering "Immortal porpoises, Africa of course", is hardly strange behavior for a man who has not been able to sleep for three weeks without seeing porpoises in his dreams. What kind of dreams were these? There were porpoises that swam in the ocean, as normal porpoises do. There were the ones which jumped through hoops, and performed other dazzling feats. But the ones which made him wake up in bed, cold and shivering, were like nothing he had ever imagined before. In these nightmares, the porpoises were in Africa. Not only IN Africa, but the sole inhabitants of Africa. Porpoises prowled the jungles of Africa. Porpoises swung through trees, cackling at him. And porpoises flew through the air, singing and talking to him. He could take no more of this. He consulted his grandmother. This may sound like a strange thing to do, but with what has been happening to him, what else can you expect? His grandmother was, of course, a very old woman. She was also a typical yiddish grandmother. Yiddish grandmothers, for the information of the uninformed, are very wise, and in their past lives were usually gypsies. So this confused man asked his grandmother for her help. Her advice? To search Africa for immortal porpoises. So the man, with the simplicity of the unimaginative, set off for Africa in his private jet immediately. His venture seemed doomed from the start, as the jet developed engine problems, and finally committed suicide by drowning in the Amazon. The man escaped unharmed, except for one small detail. He was wet. Still in his powder-blue business suit, white shirt, and yellow tie (a gift from his yiddish grandmother), he doggie-paddled to the bank of the river. Climbing out, he looked around, and took stock of the situation. All his fancy supplies and tracking gear had sunk with his jet. All he had on him was a soggy handkerchief, and a pen with his company name engraved upon it. The pen was out of ink. The jungle around him was dark and menacing. The trees seemed to be closing in on him, and the vines reached out towards him. The sky darkened threatening overhead. He rung out his handkerchief. A path opened through the jungle to his left, so he followed it, trying to make immortal porpoise noises. He had no idea what kind of noises immortal porpoises make. He did not even know what immortal porpoises were. But his adventure was about to take a turn for the better. A sharp-eared myna bird was preening her feathers on a low branch of a near-by tree. She was a beautifyl bird, her feathers containing all the colors of the rainbow brilliantly arranged. She heard this stranger, crashing through what she thought of as her forest. Her curiosity about him was immediately aroused. As he approached, she imagined she heard the distinct sound of an immortal porpoise. She echoed the sounds back to him. From down the path aways, the man heard her echoes, and hastened towards the source. "Hello. may I help you? This is my jungle, you know" she said, with what she meant to be a friendly courtesy. "Uh,..I mean...would you happen to know where I could find an immortal porpoise?" the stranger shuttered. "Africa, of course." answered the porpoise simply. The man got a strange look on his face, so the porpoise continued. "If you carry me on your shoulder, I'll lead you to an immortal porpoise." she promised. The man, unable to do much else, nodded his consent. So the myna bird alighted on his shoulder, and they continued the strange journey. The myna bird led him along jungle paths, through caves, over a small mountain, and beneath a stream. The course all started to look the same to the man after a while. Walking along paths through the jungle, crawling through caves, hiking over small mountains, and somehow going beneath streams. (Only the myna knows how.) Finally, along a narrow, twisting jungle path, they came upon a lion. Not just any lion, but a stately lion. The lord and master of the jungle, a tawny fur-heap lying asleep right in their path!!! The jungle crowded the path on both sides. There was no way to go around the lion. To go back and try another route would mean wasted hours. The man stopped, and stood staring at the lion. The lion was snoring. "Well, go on..." the myna bird urged. The man started to argue, then it suddenly dawned upom him that he was about to start an argument with a bird. He said nothing. Very slowly and quietly, he approached the lion. The lion continued its snoring, oblivious to the man and the bird. Even more slowly, quietly, and gently, the man began to tiptoe over the huge beast. The lion did not stir. The man set both feet firmly on the ground on the other side of the path, and breathed a sigh of relief. The lion was still asleep. Immediately, a policeman stepped forth from behind a bush and arrested the man. Why? For carrying a myna across a stately lion for immortal porpoises.