From: utzoo!decvax!ucbvax!CAD:tektronix!tekid!jerryp
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Title: Science terms Webster never told you
Article-I.D.: tekid.795
Posted: Tue Feb  1 08:36:59 1983
Received: Thu Feb  3 06:33:17 1983


A (FAIRLY) CONCISE SCIENCE DICTIONARY
    		   .... tidbits from what Webster never told you


APHASIA (n.) Loss of speech in	    OMNISCIENCE (n.) Talking  only
social  scientists  when asked	    about things you know about.
at parties, "But of  what  use
is your research?"		    PARANOIA (n.) A healthy under-
				    standing  of the nature of the
ARITHMETIC (n.) An obscure art	    universe.
no  longer  practiced  in  the
world's developed countries.	    QUARK (n.) The sound made by a
				    well-bred duck.
CHEMICALS  (n.  pl.)   Noxious
substances  from  which modern	    ROBOT (n.) University adminis-
foods are made.			    trator.

EXPERT (n.) Self-publicist.	    THEORY (n.)  System  of  ideas
				    meant  to  explain  something,
GENIUS  (n.)   Person	clever	    chosen with  a  view  to  ori-
enough to be born in the right	    ginality,	 controversialism,
place at the right time of the	    incomprehensibility,  and  how
right  sex  and  to  follow up	    good it will look in print.
this advantage by  saying  all
the  right  things  to all the	    UNIVERSITY  (n.)   Institution
right people.			    where  people incapacitated by
				    an  intellectual   disposition
GOD (n.) Darwin's chief rival.	    can  be  put  out of society's
				    way.
HARD (a.) The quality of  your
own  data;  also  how it is to	    VACUUM (n.) A  state  abhorred
believe those of other people.	    by Nature.

INDEX (n.)  Alphabetical  list	    WEAPON (n.) An  index  of  the
of   words   of	  no  possible	    lack  of development of a cul-
interest where an alphabetical	    ture.
list  of  subjects with refer-
ences ought to be.		    YO-YO (n.) Something  that  is
				    occasionally  up  but normally
JOKE (n.) The science  budget.	    down (see also COMPUTER).
Like  many  other jokes of the
present  Government  (such  as	    ZEAL (n.) Quality seen in  new
inflation   and  unemployment)	    graduates -- if you're quick.
this  one  is  based  on   the
theory "You've got to laugh or
you'll go mad."

KNOWLEDGE  (n.)	  Things   you
believe.

NEUTRON BOMB (n.) An explosive
device	 of  limited  military
value because, as it only des-
troys  people without destroy-
ing property, it must be  used
in conjunction with bombs that
destroy property.



>From the "New Scientist", London,
excerpted in the February 1983 "World Press Review".


--Jerry Peek ...decvax!tektronix!tekid!jerryp
          or ...ucbvax!tektronix!tekid!jerryp
  Tektronix, Inc.
  Beaverton, OR