From: utzoo!watmath!watcgl!ksbszabo
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Title: Car Owners Handbook
Article-I.D.: watcgl.172
Posted: Tue Feb  8 03:20:58 1983
Received: Tue Feb  8 05:07:27 1983

	The Car Owner's Handbook -
			Stolen From - Gordon Lovelace
				      Ottawa Journal Jan 9/1978 (now defunct)

		Will tire rotation force you to drive backwards for
		the rest of your life?

Fan Belt : a ring of barbed wire around Frank Sinatra's home.

Hubcaps : device which cannot be removed when you are changing a tire,
	but which will fly in all directions when you're travelling 60
	on the 401.

Accelerator : final notice from your bank that your car payment is overdue.

Bumper Stickers : flies, moths and discarded Kleenex from the car in front
	of you.

Sealed Beam : expression on a car salesman's face after you've signed the
	papers.

Rear Defroster : heated cushion.

Clutch : device used extensively at drive-in movies.

Rear-View Mirror : hook for plastic skeleton, poon dice or baby shoes.

Distributor : car sick baby.

Four-On-The-Floor : wife swapping party.

Emergency Brake : Action which occurs in front of gas station sign reading
	" Last rest rooms for 200 miles ".

Fastback : action taken by driver if Emergency Brake applied too late.

Emission Control : device forced upon driver for 200 miles if both Emergency
	Brake and Fastback impossible.

Spark Plug : being forced to bring you girlfriend's parent with you when you
	go to the drive-in.

Drive Shaft : see Spark plug.

Driving Instructor : mother-in-law in back seat.

Muffler : turning on radio when mother-in-law in the back seat.

Emergency Flashers : weird ambulance drivers with raincoats.

Defensive Driving : leaving you car home and taking the bus.

Offensive Driving : taking the hockey team home from an arena where the
	showers don't work.

Spare Tire : a condition caused by driving when you could walk.