From: utzoo!decvax!ucbvax!sf-lovers Newsgroups: fa.sf-lovers Title: SF-LOVERS Digest V6 #120 Article-I.D.: ucbvax.544 Posted: Fri Dec 31 08:29:36 1982 Received: Sat Jan 1 02:44:34 1983 >From SFL@SRI-CSL Fri Dec 31 08:18:18 1982 Reply-To: SF-LOVERS at SRI-CSL To: SF-LOVERS@SRI-CSL SF-LOVERS Digest Friday, 31 Dec 1982 Volume 6 : Issue 120 Today's Topics: Misc - tcp cutover Movies - The Day the Earth Stood Still, Dune, Blade Runner, SW/TESB/ROTJ Humor - Hitchhiker's Guide to the Net ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 31 Dec 1982 0606-PST From: SFL at SRI-CSL Subject: tcp cutover Due to the impending tcp cutover, sf-lovers is going into hibernation for awhile. It will return some day. Stuart ------------------------------ Date: 27 Dec 1982 11:54:18-EST From: csin!cjh at CCA-UNIX Subject: translation of THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL In context, it is made very clear that "Klaatu barada nikto" means something like "Klaatu commands [that] [you] wait/do nothing/don't harm anything" (look again at the scene where Neal gets these words from Klaatu, who is specifically worried that Gort will go on a rampage). ------------------------------ Date: 30 Dec 1982 15:12:56-EST From: James.Muller at CMU-CS-GANDALF at CMU-CS-A Subject: Dune, and (not again!!) SW Could it be that the reason r2d2 can resist phaser fire, break all security systems, etc... is that he is a special droid, not really just an r2 unit. After all, he is costar of the tritrilogy. Eraserhead was a neat movie. If its director is directing Dune, I expect something good. Probably I just have the wrong impression of Sting from seeing him play Bellboy in Quadrophenia, but it seems that the only person he could be is Feyd-Rautha. Am I wrong? 'im ------------------------------ Date: 30 Dec 82 9:49:50-PST (Thu) From: npois!houxm!houxa!houxi!whuxk!3722trn at Ucb-C70 Subject: Blade Runner music, RotJ Last night I bought an album of music from Blade Runner. It is called an 'orchestral adaptation' of music from the Blade Runner, by the New American Orchestra. It is NOT a K-tel version of the soundtrack ('operators are standing by'). The jacket features some stills from the movie on the back, and the front features the movie poster. It also was released by Warner bros., who released the movie. I've only listened to it once. It does capture some of that haunting, moody feel of the soundtrack. I'd prefer a soundtrack by Vangelis, but this is the closest we may ever get. I also saw some new previews for RotJ, ie different from the previews that went out with the last release of Empire. Some quick scenes: 1. Luke in a black version of his Dagobah fatiques, with blue light saber. 2. people on anti-grav motorcycles racing through a forest. 3. han and leia reunited. 4. Two alien types, who appear to have a greater role than just supplying atmosphere. lorraine whuxf!lkl ------------------------------ Date: 27 Dec 1982 10:20 PST From: GMeredith.ES at PARC-MAXC Subject: Re: SF-LOVERS Digest V6 #115 Just saw "Voyagers" for the first time last night (usually watch only one hour of television a week). I thought it an interesting, fast moving program with real value regarding getting kids (young and old) excited about the real world (beyond Pac-Man, Strawberry Shortcake, Dallas, etc.). ------------------------------ Date: 23 Dec 82 10:14:42-PST (Thu) From: decvax!utzoo!utcsrgv!kramer at Ucb-C70 Subject: Light Sabres Since light doesn't usually have the property that a beam stops a meter or two from its source, it seems likely that a light sabre is a mystical weapon in that it requires the use of the FORCE to limit the beam. This would limit its use to Jedi knights. ------------------------------ Date: 20 Dec 82 14:26:42-PST (Mon) From: harpo!floyd!cmcl2!philabs!sdcsvax!sdchema!djo at Ucb-C70 Subject: Tai Chi as it relates to the Force Being a student of T'ai Chi Chuan I must agree with Tony that The Force has always reminded me of Chi. T'ai Chi translates to Universal Exercise. T'ai Chi Ch'uan is the study of T'ai Chi for self defense. Ch'uan means fist. The Chi permeates all living things. The Chi is vital energy or prana in Sanskrit. Every person is born with a certain amount of Chi. It flows throughout your body. When it is used up you will die. There are certain things you can do to create more Chi thus keeping yourself youthful and extending your life span such as eating healthy and exercise but the practice of T'ai Chi is the BEST method. To be an expert in T'ai Chi Ch'uan is to have immunity from destructive external forces and from poor health. It is mental and physical coordination. The body is the form, and the mind is the moving force. The Chi is the prime component of acupuncture. Acupuncture seeks to open the point(s) in your body where the Chi is blocked allowing its healing powers to reach the problem area(s). It is sometimes visualized as a kind of fluid that runs through the body along certain channels called meridians. The Chi is controlled and directed from the center of the body. You must find that place within yourself and "sink" into it. The "trick" to the incredible power of T'ai Chi Ch'uan as a fighting style is to follow your opponents hostile energy without opposing or interfering with it; remaining calmly centered while your assailant goes about the business of defeating himself. There are two great qualities that T'ai Chi gradually bestows upon its faithful practitioners: wisdom and power. I will leave it you if this sounds like The Force. If anyone is interested in any further info just let me know and I will send mail. I don't want to clutter up sf-lovers anymore with this. Denise O'Jibway La Jolla, CA ------------------------------ Date: 28 Dec 82 21:15:04-PST (Tue) From: harpo!duke!phs!cmk at Ucb-C70 Subject: SW on HBO It's true!! Star Wars will be on HBO starting February 1. I have a feeling I'm going to be Forced to death. Chuck ------------------------------ Date: 28 Dec 1982 2246-PST From: SCHIFFMAN at SRI-KL Subject: Obvious choice for "the other"... This may have already been leaked, but I didn't see it -- "The other" is none other than Hans's father, Napoleon. {Quick cut to a closet in a Tailor's shop on Dagobah...} -Allan ------------------------------ Date: 23 Dec 82 10:14:42-PST (Thu) From: decvax!utzoo!utcsrgv!kramer at Ucb-C70 Subject: Light Sabres Since light doesn't usually have the property that a beam stops a meter or two from its source, it seems likely that a light sabre is a mystical weapon in that it requires the use of the FORCE to limit the beam. This would limit its use to Jedi knights. ------------------------------ Date: 29 December 1982 08:36 est From: SSteinberg.SoftArts at MIT-MULTICS Subject: Freedman's Dark Crystal review I can't believe that Freedman even saw the movie...his review was so full of mistatements and crocks. 1. Aughra was female. Was I the only one who noticed her sagging, braless breasts? 2. Aughra only showed the "planetarium" (actually, according to her, "universarium" would fit better) to Jen. Kira didn't even show up until later. 3. The Garthim were more lobsters than roaches (obviously, Freedman does not live anywhere near the east coast, where such a parallel would be hard to miss). 4. Jen and Kira, atop landstriders, ATTACKED the Garthim, they weren't CHASED by them. They went in to free a basket full of Podpeople. (PS to moderator, I don't think this constitutes anywhere near a spoiler). Beyond anger at a reviewer who doesn't even pay attention to the movie: I thought Dark Crystal was one of the most fascinating movies I have ever seen, visually (akin to Bladerunner that way). The plot is thin....you see one quest, you've seen them all. Of all the characters, our heros (the Gelflings) are the weakest. They show little facial expression and have some of the dumbest dialogue going. The Skeksis, on the other hand, were immensely interesting. As in the movie "Popeye", there is an AWFUL lot going on during scenes with the Skeksis, mutterings and imprecations and discussions and other interesting stuff (including somebody saying "What the bloody hell?" in one scene...can you find it?). These made it worth going back to a second time (I have seen it twice in two days....) Just to WATCH, this movie is worth sitting through a dull plot. There are great things wandering around all over, and lots of little details to pay attention to. And the world appears to be interally consistent (ecologically) as well! I highly recommend this movie to SEE. and SEE. and SEE. The more you look, the more you find worth watching. And it is the most texturally interesting movie I have ever watched. ------------------------------ Date: 28 Dec 82 8:52:43-PST (Tue) From: npois!houxm!ihnp4!ihldt!ll1!otuxa!lsk at Ucb-C70 Subject: Where the names R2D2 and C3P0 came from Lucas said in a recent article that both "names" R2D2 and C3P0 were just interesting "sounds" he'd heard along the way of life. I remember that R2D2 came from his standing around one of the film editors who needed R2D2; reel 2, day 2. So much for mystical meanings Larry S. Kaufman, Western Electric, Network Software Center, Lisle, Illinois ------------------------------ Date: 28 Dec 1982 1847-EST From: MarlaSubject: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Series Enough speculation on Star Trek III and Star Wars NNN..... What about Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Part IV? Here's an interesting point to brood on.... In the series, when the 'Disaster Area' ship is about to plunge into the sun with our heroes, Marvin reveals that HE knows the question to Life, the Universe and Everything, to which the answer is 42. How is this so? Well, dear viewers, remember that key phrase that Marvin uttered about 3 times in every episode? "...Brain the size of a planet, and THEY want me to...." ...walk the dog, make tea, etc. Interesting. Marvin was probably quite a few generations away from Deep Thought, and perhaps even from that Mega-computer we all knew as Earth. Now, Earth's program was 'only' scheduled to run for 10 million years. However, while our heroes were dining at the Restauran' at the End of the Universe, Marvin had many, many millions of years to wait around. He must have done *something* besides park cars! Yes, folks, he would have been able to run the 'Earth' program a few times, just for monotony's sake! Given the starting data, he could, reasonably, extrapolate the question! Unfortunately, Marvin was left diving into the sun at the end of episode 7.....ah, well, the best laid plans of mice.... ------------------------------ Date: Wednesday, 29 December 1982 19:33-EST From: Vince Fuller Subject: SF-LOVERS Digest V6 #112 (Dark Crystal - Spoiler warning) I saw Dark Crystal the other day and was impressed by the effects, the scenery, and the "acting". Most of the critters in the film were sufficiently well-made that they were believable. The main thing that bothered me about the movie was that is was so darn PREDICTABLE! Most of the ending could be guessed from about half-way through the movie, and I knew that the death/resurrection sequence would go through. They seemed a bit too concerned with everything coming out good in the end, thus the ending was a bit trite, dispite the cute effects. flame on, --vaf ------------------------------ Date: 29 Dec 82 8:47:08-PST (Wed) From: harpo!npoiv!alice!sjb at Ucb-C70 Subject: Re: The FORCE, or bad editing? He was gone already. I seem to recall that that scene gave the people doing the filming great headaches. They tried putting dummies in for Obiwan just before Vader strikes him, but every time Vader hit the dummy with the light saber it (no kidding) burst into flames (now there's an effect: Obi Flambe!)! So, I guess they just hung up Obi's robe and let Vader swing away at it. ------------------------------ Date: 29 Dec 82 16:34:35-PST (Wed) From: harpo!npoiv!hou5f!hou5b!hou5c!hou5e!jjm at Ucb-C70 Subject: Re: all this Star Wars traffic on the net Several years ago, I (for some forgotten reason) wrote to Ben Bova, who was at that time the editor of Analog magazine. As a postscript, I asked him "If Star Trek fans are called 'trekkies', what should be call Star Wars fans?" I was surprised to receive a personal reply to my letter, and in a postscript, Ben added: "Star Trek fans are 'trekkies', Star Wars fans are dolts." (no flames to me, please!) Jim McParland (the other) BTL - Holmdel hou5e!jjm ------------------------------ Date: 30 Dec 1982 11:41:19-EST From: csin!cjh at CCA-UNIX Subject: more rumors on the DUNE movie This month's LOCUS has the first installment of a new column by Craig Miller, who was Lucasfilm's fan publicist for TESB and started his own company after being laid off by Lucasfilm just after TESB came out. He says that DUNE is once again in preproduction (which can take up to a year before a foot of film is shot) under DeLaurentiis, but there's no way of telling whether this attempt will get any further than the other two. (There's a polite undertone that I read as "If you expect to see DUNE as a movie any time soon I've got this terrific bridge I can let you have real cheap. . . .") ------------------------------ Date: Thursday, 30 December 1982 16:01-EST From: Vince Fuller Subject: The FORCE, or bad editing? Date: Tuesday, 28 December 1982 19:23-EST From: Dolata at SUMEX-AIM To: SF-LOVERS at MIT-MC Re: The FORCE, or bad editing? I recently saw SW-ANH (IV) in a situation where we could examine the film closely. In the fight between Darth Vader and Obiwan, Obiwan's brown cloak starts to collapse 2 frames (at least) before Darth's light sabre hits it!!!!! So, did Darth kill Obiwan, or was he gone already? Or am I picking nits with the editor? This, I would say, was intentional. Obi-wan's grin (and the music we hear) just before he turns off his light sabre indicate that he knows what is going on. I think he decided that he needed to make an impact and had no real use for his corporeal form any longer. He therefore fled his body BEFORE Vader "killed" him. ------------------------------ Date: 30 December 1982 20:48-EST From: Steven A. Swernofsky Subject: Star Wars 3 (er, 6) preview footage Preview footage of the next movie in the Star Wars series is now appearing at movie theatres in the L.A. area. I noticed these trivia: 1 The movie is clearly called "REVENGE of the Jedi" (emphasis added). So much for SF-L speculation about Lucas changing the name. 2 Luke Skywalker appears at least twice in the footage. On each occasion he is wearing black; at least once he is standing next to Darth Vader (sans violence). Perhaps he has gone over to the Dark Side? Perhaps he is faking it? 3 In spite of LucasFilms's protests, Obi-Wan appears whole and hearty in their preview footage. If they plan to etherialize him in the film, they are certainly taking their time about it. 4 I didn't see any major new characters, but that of course doesn't mean that they aren't there. -- Steve ------------------------------ Date: 30 Dec 1982 2132-PST From: Henry W. Miller Subject: How Obia Wan "died" This is my theory on what happened to Obi Wan in SW IV: Obi Wan realized he might be able to defeat Darth Vader in mortal combat, but then again maybe not. He had trained Luke as best he could in the short time period, and that if he (Obi Wan) were to fail, it would be up to Luke. Luke, along with the others might be able to save the galaxy. but they were about to be captured. If this happened, the chance for victory would be almost non-existant. If Obi Wan could cause a distraction for long enough, the rest might be able to escape. Obi Wan was old, and knew he could not exist much longer in a corporeal form, so, he "phoofed" himself, left this plain and became one with the force, allowing him to help Luke later on, and, in the process, providing a diversion to allow the others to escape. I think he was already gone by the time the saber touched his robe. "Run, Luke, run!!!) -HWM ------------------------------ Date: 30 Dec 82 16:55:54-PST (Thu) From: harpo!npoiv!eisx!pyuxbb!pyuxdd!pyuxjj!pyuxcc!djs at Ucb-C70 Subject: The Empire Strikes Back on NPR radio The radio play The Empire Strikes Back has been recorded (as previously announced on the net) and will be aired in the NYC area starting in February on FM 94 WNYC. ------------------------------ Date: 30 Dec 82 19:50:48-PST (Thu) From: harpo!ihnp4!ixn5c!inuxc!inuxd!arlan at Ucb-C70 Subject: Re: all this Star Wars traffic on the net in near-future SF that is salable to the general public. And that's where he makes his money, and goood for him. However, he said that Star Wars and Close Encounters bore the same relation to SF that Hitler's invasion of Poland did to the Ten Commandments. I'm not quite sure of the comparisons there, but when Bova published my indignant response in Analog's Brass Tacks letter column, he allowed me to say that I disagreed with him. I still think it was a case of sour grapes: here this upstart filmmaker, very young, jumps on the SF bandwagon and makes hundreds of millions of $$$$, while some old-line writers are working on their first million (or first 100k$). No wonder some criticism is forthcoming--space opera pays a helo of a lot better than serious SF! (The latter defined, of course, as what the criticizer writes.) There was never such criticism back in the 50s and 60s when potboiler, B-gtrade hack films were churned out for the "sci-fi" crowd. No, the badmouthing began when the bucks began pouring in. Think about it. --Flame off--arlan andrews, american bell, indianapolis ------------------------------ Date: 15 Dec 82 6:18-PST From: mclure at SRI-UNIX Subject: hhgttg part 4 ***** sri-unix:net.jokes / grkermit!markm / 5:10 pm Dec 13, 1982 Hitch Hikers Guide To The Net Episode 4 - E.C. (The Extra Commercial) (Arnold Lint and the crew of the Infinity are on their way to Netrothea. They have successfully escaped both the Flamers and the Singles.) Xaphod: How much longer till we reach Netrothea? Martin: Too soon. Rod: Quiet! Gillian: I can't wait to get there! Arnold Lint: I'm just glad we're still in one piece. Martin: It doesn't take much to make you happy, does it? (All of a sudden, a blinding light fills the bridge of the Infinity. When the light fades, a small, sickeningly adorable creature is revealed. He is wearing a cap which says "I'm cute, buy me!") Gillian: What's that? Xaphod: That's E.C. - the Extra Commercial! Arnold Lint: The what? Rod: The Extra Commercial. The most commercialized being since Santa Claus! ["The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Net" lists Santa Claus as a being from Pluto who suffered severe brain damage when his space ship crashed on earth. Every year the silly old twit tries to fly an old sleigh and a flock of equally stupid reindeer back to Pluto. Unfortunately, his reverse gravity modulator is not 100 percent so he never quite gets out of earths orbit. This is just as well as the jerk lost all his deep space gear. Many people on earth have mistaken the boxes of Kentucky Fried Chicken he carries on his unlikely space craft (as rations for the trip to Pluto) for presents to be distributed to children. In actuality, the only reason Fred Glarn (his real name) ever climbs down chimneys is because he is totally wasted on Selurian Brandy and he is merely looking for a likely spot to sleep it off. (Why else would his nose always be red?).] Xaphod: I've never met E.C. before, I always though he was just some massive advertising ploy. Gillian: (To E.C.) Hello, I'm Gillian. E.C.: (In a heavy New York - Jewish accent) Oy vey, vhat a trip. Say goylie, you're cute. Xaphod: Huh? E.C.: Don't call me E.C., it's a meshugina name. My real name is Phil Moskowitz. Arnold Lint: Phil Moskowitz? Phil: Yes!, Vhat did you expect - Ricardo Montalban? Rod: You're the Extra Commercial? Phil: Don't laugh, my brother Saul owns Jordache Jeans! ["The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Net" states that the Jordache Jeans Company was actually a very clever marketing ploy by the makers of Preparation H. It was their intention to boost the sales of their rectal paraphenalia by inducing Americans to stuff their glutious maxima into overly confined garments. The ploy did not succeed.] Gillian: What are you doing here? Phil: I'm on my vay to the Net Christmas Special. This year it's being hosted by Johnny Arson and Bud McMolson. Vhen you're a purely commercial item like me, you have to travel a lot. Xaphod: But you're Jewish, what are you doing on a Christmas special? Phil: Believe me, it vasn't my idea. Some people out there actually think I'm Christ reborn. I knew a kid in Brooklyn name Jesus Martinez, but that's as close as I ever got. Anyvay, I'm hot right now in the market, so I go on any show they can get me on. Arnold Lint: That's unbelievable! How'd you get started in the business? Phil: Vell, I tell ya'. One day I'm sitting there, eating a lox on rye, and some movie man comes up to me and says: "I'm gonna make you are star". Next thing I know I'm in some nutso movie vith a bunch of little kids. I hate little kids. No sooner does the movie hit the screens than there are E.C. video games, clothing, silverware, contraceptives, books, posters, and kinky undergarments. You name it and I was on it. Then came the TV shows and all the publicity events - I actually cut the ribbon on the Jimmy Carter Memorial Brothel and Pro Shop! Then I had to appear at the opening of "Nukes are Us" - a store for budding nuclear powers. Xaphod: Wow, thats wild. Phil: Vell, I gotta run. Gillian: Bye! (The bright light once again fills the bridge, it fades and E.C. is gone.) Arnold Lint: That was incredible! Martin: If you say so! Rod: Quiet! Xaphod: Well, we're here . . . Netrothea! Martin: Oh joy and yummies. ******************** End Of Part 4 ******************** What will Arnold Lint and the crew of the Infinity find on Netrothea? For the answer to this spine-tingling question . . . Tune in next time . . . same Net-time . . . same Net-channel. Also, be sure not to miss the BIG NET CHRISTMAS SPECIAL starring Johnny Arson, Bud McMolson, Richard Nixon, Barry Manilow, Richard Simmons, and Teddy the Wonder Lizard. ------------------------------ Date: 17 Dec 82 12:03-PST From: mclure at SRI-UNIX Subject: hh5 ***** sri-unix:net.jokes / grkermit!markm / 12:48 pm Dec 16, 1982 Hitch Hikers Guide To The Net Episode 5 - Netrothea (The Infinity is about to land on Netrothea. It is here that Xaphod hopes to find a wealth of data to sell back to the Net for immense profits.) Rod: Okay Martin, lets land. Martin: Do we have to? Xaphod: Yes! Martin: Very well. Gillian: Cheer up Martin, maybe you'll meet a nice lady android. Wouldn't that be nice. Martin: Not really. Arnold Lint: How 'bout a nice male android? Martin: That's right more abuse, aren't things bad enough already? Besides, how can an android be homosexual? Come to think of it, we can't be heterosexual either! How dreadful. Rod: Quiet, we've landed. Xaphod: How fantastic! Gillian: How wonderful. Martin: How awful. All: Oh shut up! Xaphod: Right, lets go! (The door to the Infinity opens to reveal the landscape of Netrothea. It is indeed a strange landscape. The ground has the consistency of a partially frozen waterbed covered with rich Corinthian leather. Flames spring forth from the soil in primordial spleandor, displaying brilliant patterns of red and green. Off in the distance, great orange hills reflect the light of the purple sun. Polka-dotted polygram clouds move swiftly in uneven patterns across the blue and grey striped sky. The hills seemed to have been polished by the winds of time into huge reflective mounds which make light dance on the valleys below. Great forests of trees are off to the right. The trees are only 4 feet tall, but 20 feet wide. Stainless steel leaves hang from their bubble gum branches as pink and black steam spews from their exposed roots. The air stings with the scent of stale oysters and rotting, 3 day old, MacDougals BigMuck's. There is still no sign of civilization. The 12" CRT on Xaphod's shoulder starts up: "This is David Halfmind. Tomorrow on 'Good Morning Idiots', we'll discuss herpes, the death penalty, and aerobics at the office. We'll also be talking with Yassir Arrafat about fashions for hot climates . In addition, we'll have some wonderful holiday recipes from the Ayatollah Khomieni. Also, don't miss our special feature, 'A trip to the Police Morgue', which we'll show right after the weather report."] Gillian: Ugh, how awful. Martin: Thats what I keep telling you. Xaphod: Wow, what a great place for a vacation. Arnold Lint: Yah, if you enjoy misery. ["The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Net" lists Netrothea as being in the top 10 places frequented by masochists. The wretched climate and unfriendly people (who used to inhabit the place) made Netrothea about as much fun as a spinal tap performed with a boat hook. Netrothea's popularity waned as more and more places of vastly inferior quality were either discovered or created. When these new, modern, haunts-for-the-very-sick hit the market, old establishments (like Netrothea) were doomed. The Netrothean government tried to boost tourist trade by offering 'Club Mud' vacations to Netrothea's famous 'Bile Bog', but it was to no avail.] Martin: I can't even enjoy misery, I hate this place too. Rod: Quiet! Xaphod: Lets go over there. (Arnold Lint and crew make their way around the 20 foot wide trees, past the 40 foot tall monolith, under the stopwatch draped over the towel rack, and over the 10 foot diameter pimple. They finally arrive at a door set into the ground. A stuffed penguin stands by the door, on it's head is a button labeled "Ring for Verbal Abuse". Etched into the door are the words: "X = 101010 Copyrighted by Deep Thought, so bug off".) Arnold Lint: One-Zero-One-Zero-One-Zero? What does it mean? Xaphod: I don't know? Gillian: Should we press the button? Rod: Might as well. Xaphod: (Trying to open the door) Yah, the door's locked anyway. Arnold, why don't YOU press the button. Arnold Lint: Thank you very much, I think not. Martin: All right, I'll do it. (Martin presses the button, the door flies open, and a man pops out to great the Infinity crew. He is dressed in a business suit and sports a "Stupidity is it's own reward" button on his jacket.) Man: Well, what do you want you smelly, squirming insignificant vermin? Rod: We wanted to get in the door . . . who are you? Man: Oh, I'm Flarg Brittashik, awfully nice to meet you. Xaphod: (Confused) You're names' what? Flarg: FLARG BRITTASHIK, what are deaf as well as stupid? What a bunch of mindless, horrific oafs! Arnold Lint: Look you, just let us in the door and then push off!! Flarg: Why didn't you say so, follow me. (Flarg descends down the stairs, the rest follow. The stairs form a spiral, with a half-gainer twist, descending at an incredible rate to the interior of Netrothea. The stairway is lit by the glow from hallibut fished out of the sea around the nearby nuclear power plant.) Rod: Where are we going? Flarg: WHERE ARE WE GOING?! What a perfectly stupid question. We're obviously going down you sickening, malodorous pervert! Gillian: Do you realize that you're insulting us, and then the next moment being polite to us? Flarg: Oh, am I? I hadn't noticed. Rod: Well it's bloody anoying, mate. Flarg: Well, tough rocko's if I do, you wiper of other people's behinds! [The act of wiping other peoples behinds, according to "The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Net", was once considered a quite honorable profession in certain areas of the Net. In fact, many of the old regimes went so far as to have Royal Behind Wipers (or RBW's for those readers used to TLA's - three letter acronyms) whose sole task it was to walk around behind his or her appointed monarch with toilet paper in hand and perform the specified duty. Although this may seem an unpopular job, the pay was quite good. As such, positions as Royal 'Pooper Scoopers' were often granted based on tournaments. These tournaments resembled the earth's olympics except for two facets. First, all events (actually, they only lasted for one event) were fought to the death. And second, any event thought up had to envolve the creative use of human excrement. ] Martin: You know, I would have thought any place as awful as this might have been amusing to me. But it's just as bad as the rest of the Net. Good thing I'm just an android and don't have to ponder the reasons why the Net is as it is. I can just be content knowing that it can only get worse. Xaphod: One more word out of you, and I'll go at your memory banks with a chainsaw!!! ******************** End Of Part 5 ******************** What will Arnold Lint and the crew of the Infinity find in Netrothea? Will Flarg Brittashik insult them to distraction? Or are the already distracted? Will Xaphod end up doing a lumberjack-job on Martin's memory banks? In the off chance of being told the answers to these, and other, ad-libbed questions . . . Tune in next time . . . same Net-time . . . same Net-channel. ------------------------------ End of SF-LOVERS Digest ***********************