From: utzoo!watmath!idallen
Newsgroups: net.singles
Title: Re: re: multiple relationships
Article-I.D.: watmath.4714
Posted: Fri Mar 11 19:44:27 1983
Received: Sat Mar 12 09:22:17 1983
References: ihldt.1358

	But since you brought up the subject of jealousy...

	Were these women who broke up with you seeing other men also?
	If they had been "involved" with someone else, they probably
	would have been able to handle your other relationships a lot
	better.  Are you saying that you get jealous?  What is
	jealousy, anyway?  How closely connected is it to  low
	self-esteem?  Is it the fear that your MOTOS will find someone
	"better" than you (fear of loss)?

	-Sarah

The women were not seeing, and did not want to see, other men.

Yes, I do get jealous at times.  There have been times when I have
wanted particular person's company when she was with someone else.  My
feeling when this happens is not "he shouldn't have her attention", but
more "I wish there were two of her" to keep us all happy.

I don't want to "own" someone.  I mean, to be honest I only want the
person to be free when I want to be with her.  What she does with other
people during the times we are apart doesn't bother me too much.  (I
say "too much"; I sometimes have mild fears that she may find someone
"better" and leave me.  It is a small concern; still, I wouldn't have
it any other way.)

People I talk with seem to react to their own jealousy by trying to
restrict the activity of their partner.  I'd guess that this means they
are afraid of losing their relationship, and they try to protect it by
enforcing ignorance of other relationship possiblilites.  I think this
is a shame.  It may be because of low self-esteem.

Jealousy is like anger -- it is to be expected, and we should be taught
how to do something non-destructive (and not restrictive) with it.
Struggling to cope with jealousy, and maybe some fear of losing a
relationship, rewards me with (a very few) friends and (even fewer)
lovers all of whom still have open to them that most exciting of
experiences:  getting to really know another human being.

	-IAN!   U of Waterloo      decvax!watmath!idallen