From: utzoo!watmath!bnclarke Newsgroups: net.singles Title: answer to questionnaire Article-I.D.: watmath.4677 Posted: Thu Mar 3 13:42:46 1983 Received: Thu Mar 3 23:38:35 1983 Please answer anonymously and truthfully. Hah! How can I answer anonymously when the postnews program plasters my name and userid all through the header? 1) If you were at a social gathering with your girlfriends and you noticed that a guy, by himself, looked interested in you what would YOU do? ...depends on too many circumstances. Let's suppose I know him & have no bad opinion of him or I don't know him and his looks appeal to me (the only thing I have to go on, so far -- note that I am NOT saying he must be a handsome "hunk"). I would try to go over & talk to him for a while, some time during the social gathering, to see if his mind appealed to me. 2) Do you feel that a relationship has to be started by the guy? If I did, I wouldn't be where I am today. I am too interested in the opposite sex to let them do the choosing. I do admit that this would not be the case if I suffered social censure for being too aggressive. Even since I was a child, social mores have changed enough to allow me to be brave enough to be the initiator. I don't have to suffer fear of rejection from him AND everyone else. 3) Are you the type of person that goes out looking for a man or one that hopes he'll come to you? See answer to #2. I will add that I usually wait for him to ask me on the first outing of just the two of us (cowardly but I justify it by saying I don't want to go out with someone who doesn't want to go out with me). This is not a "rule" and I have done the first asking when I got impatient waiting for him to do it. 4) What type of signals do you use if you want to tell a guy that you are interested in him? I deliberately go up to him and start conversations. If he seems to like that, I may ask him along on group outings. I may compliment him on something. 5) If a man looks interested in you but you aren't atracted to him, what would you do? Strangers: be curt in conversation; find an excuse to leave his vicinity; ignore attempts at eye contact Male friends who become interested: mention my interest in someone else; talk about their characteristics which kill my romantic interest (maybe); last resort is to tell them frankly that I am not interested "that way" 6) What does a man have to do to be noticed by you in a large social gathering (such as a bar or party)? Do I detect a tone of desperation in this question? "What do women want?" He could wear a lampshade & dance on the table. That would catch my notice but I would think he was an idiot. There is no answer to this question that would cover it all. I can't even say what would catch my notice. Minimally, he should be clean, neatly or even nicely dressed, not too drunk and able to speak (not tongue-tied). We have already hashed through what appeals to men & women, in this newsgroup. In my younger days I would prowl parties & pick up a man for a one-night stand. The man who appealed to me was strictly a function of my mood at the $time & coincidence. Whether or not we could talk together (on a silly level or a serious level) was the deciding factor. Of late, I usually have longer affairs and all my affairs are with men I already know. The reasons for choosing them are different every time and are built upon my cumulative experiences with each of them. 7) What about in a place that is usually quiet i.e. classroom or office? These are places where I see men that I get to know in a non-sexual way. I do not even attempt to approach men in a casual sexual way, in the office. (I would flirt gently with classmates when I was in school). If I become seriously interested in someone I know through work, I ask him along on group outings (we go to the movies or skiing or on a picnic, etc.) and then use my usual "techniques" mentioned in #4, above. I might allow myself to drop by his office/desk and chat, more often than usual. But romance in the office is bad news, as far as I'm concerned. Now that I'm out of the round of univerity bashes (where the one-night stands came from), my lovers come from my groups of very gregarious friends & acquaintances. These are people I meet in a theatre group that I am in, that I knew from my undergraduate days, that I originally knew from work, that are friends of friends (I meet most of them that way) or that I meet while taking a course. 8) The question that underlies all these questions is how can >I< meet and keep a woman? I think you just have to keep on enjoying your life. If you want to meet women, do things with lots of people rather than staying home and working in your darkroom all the time. The more people you know, the more you are likely to meet people who appeal to you & women who appeal to you (and vice versa). It can be depressing to WANT so badly & endure disappointments but try to remember to do things and go places that you enjoy for themselves (as well as being aware of their possibilities as meeting places) and you should have good times. (I have always wanted to be Ann Landers)