From: utzoo!decvax!duke!unc!wm Newsgroups: net.singles Title: More relationships ending hard Article-I.D.: unc.4747 Posted: Tue Mar 8 20:54:55 1983 Received: Wed Mar 9 05:42:52 1983 I am personally fascinated by the discussion about "breaking up hard." But I am not talking about dating relationships, I am more interested in long term, stable relationships (even marriage) where it ends nastily. I have been lucky (I guess) but I am still good friends with most every woman I have had a relationship with, and still intimate with a few of them. The times where the breakup has been somewhat nasty, eventually we have gotten back to being friends. Well, I didn't write this letter to say what a great person I am, what I am interested in is how two people who have been so close and in love could ever break up and stop being friends. I mean, doesn't it make you think that the relationship was no big deal in the first place? Or are people not interested in being friends (e.g., "just" friends as a way of getting rid of someone). Someone I know was contemplating settling down with the woman he was dating. So they decided on a date upon which they would either decide to get married or else they would break up and go their separate ways. Does this seem ludicrous to anyone else or am I just different? Someone said that nasty breakups are inevitable because invariably someone is more involved than the other. This makes me think that they were no so much interested in that person as in just having a relationship (i.e., any relationship). If you really like someone, you are usually willing to accept what they have to offer, even if it is not quite what you had in mind (is it ever?) My advice to these people (who cares?) is to think about what the other is feeling. If you are just interested in what you can get out of a relationship, you probably won't get anything. If you are considerate of what you can put into it to improve it, the ROI (accounting term, return on investment) will take care of itself. Sorry to preach, Wm Leler - UNC Chapel Hill