From: utzoo!utcsrgv!phyllis Newsgroups: net.women Title: Working Mothers Article-I.D.: utcsrgv.981 Posted: Fri Feb 4 21:02:07 1983 Received: Fri Feb 4 21:27:41 1983 I am a working Mother. I have two daugthers aged 10 and 7 who bathe regularly, eat three VERY healthy meals a day, wear clean clothes daily, are not loved starved, who do above-average work in school, and, I think, feel more loved and cared for than some other children I know whose Mothers stay at home. I am a daily netnews reader, and in the almost two years that I have been following the discussions on the net, I have contributed only a few articles. This time, however, I feel compelled to submit this article since I am furious at the generalizations that are being hurled out by many unknowing, tradition-entrenched people. So there are seven dirty, love-starved children--does that necessarily imply that all children of working Mothers are that way? Of course not. What sort of environment have these children been brought-up in; what are their parents like? All of these influences count as much, if not more, than the fact that their Mothers work. For the most part of the first four years of my "Motherhood", I was at home. I taught six hours a week at the University of Toronto--the hours I used to call "my sanity time". I felt very little fulfillment staying at home, cleaning the house, shopping, etc., although I did enjoy many of the hours I spent with my children. Once I went to work full-time, I found that I was a better parent (I know it sounds like a pat answer, but I really think that in my case it is true), and that my relationship with my children improved. Before I started to answer this, I asked my children what they thought about me working. They looked at me as if I were nuts, and asked me "Why, what's wrong with working. We are fine". We discussed it for a few minutes, but nothing negative came out of our chat. My children are well taken care of during the day. They call me at lunchtime and after school. Like most computer people, I sometimes work later at night, and they understand that as well. I was away at Unicom and haven't read all of the recent articles in net.women, but most of the negative discussion appears to be from men. Are there any other working Mothers out there who are pleased with the way their children are turning-out, and who prefer working to staying at home? Are the men who are partaking in the discussion Fathers? If they are, and their wives/mates are at home, do these women find it fulfilling to be there? I don't condemn women who are stay-at-home Mothers. It should be realized, however, as others have stated, that for many, it is necessary to have two incomes, or for the woman to work due to other factors, e.g. being a single parent. I definitely do NOT believe that a parent should sacrifice his/her existence (I am not talking about life-death situations) for children. If a woman likes to work, needs to work, and her children are well-looked after, great. Perhaps someday better daycare/babysitting facilities will be available at cheaper rates so that more women will have better options. Before condemnations are generalized to over 2K people, they should be examined carefully, and experience should be a high mark in this examination. Entrenchment in out-dated ideas holds individuals and society back. Phyllis Eve Bregman decvax!utzoo!utcsrgv!phyllis