From: utzoo!watmath!bnclarke
Newsgroups: net.singles
Title: answer to questionnaire
Article-I.D.: watmath.4677
Posted: Thu Mar  3 13:42:46 1983
Received: Thu Mar  3 23:38:35 1983

Please answer anonymously and truthfully.
  Hah! How can I answer anonymously when the postnews program plasters my name
and userid all through the header?

   1) If you were at a social gathering with your girlfriends and you
noticed that a guy, by himself, looked interested in you what would
YOU do?
  ...depends on too many circumstances. Let's suppose I know him & have no bad
opinion of him or I don't know him and his looks appeal to me (the only thing
I have to go on, so far -- note that I am NOT saying he must be a handsome
"hunk"). I would try to go over & talk to him for a while, some time during
the social gathering, to see if his mind appealed to me.

   2) Do you feel that a relationship has to be started by the guy?
  If I did, I wouldn't be where I am today. I am too interested in the
opposite sex to let them do the choosing. I do admit that this would not
be the case if I suffered social censure for being too aggressive. Even
since I was a child, social mores have changed enough to allow me to be
brave enough to be the initiator. I don't have to suffer fear of rejection
from him AND everyone else.

   3) Are you the type of person that goes out looking for a man or one
that hopes he'll come to you?
  See answer to #2. I will add that I usually wait for him to ask me on the
first outing of just the two of us (cowardly but I justify it by saying I
don't want to go out with someone who doesn't want to go out with me). This
is not a "rule" and I have done the first asking when I got impatient waiting
for him to do it.

   4) What type of signals do you use if you want to tell a guy that
you are interested in him?
  I deliberately go up to him and start conversations. If he seems to like
that, I may ask him along on group outings. I may compliment him on something.

   5) If a man looks interested in you but you aren't atracted to him,
what would you do?
  Strangers: be curt in conversation; find an excuse to leave his vicinity;
ignore attempts at eye contact
  Male friends who become interested: mention my interest in someone else; talk
about their characteristics which kill my romantic interest (maybe); last
resort is to tell them frankly that I am not interested "that way"

   6) What does a man have to do to be noticed by you in a large social
gathering (such as a bar or party)?
  Do I detect a tone of desperation in this question? "What do women want?"
He could wear a lampshade & dance on the table. That would catch my notice but
I would think he was an idiot. There is no answer to this question that would
cover it all. I can't even say what would catch my notice.
Minimally, he should be clean, neatly or even nicely dressed, not too drunk
and able to speak (not tongue-tied). We have already hashed through what
appeals to men & women, in this newsgroup.
In my younger days I would prowl parties & pick up a man for a one-night stand.
The man who appealed to me was strictly a function of my mood at the $time 
& coincidence. Whether or not we could talk together (on a silly level or a
serious level) was the deciding factor.
Of late, I usually have longer affairs and all my affairs are with men I
already know. The reasons for choosing them are different every time and
are built upon my cumulative experiences with each of them.

   7) What about in a place that is usually quiet i.e. classroom or
office?
  These are places where I see men that I get to know in a non-sexual way.
I do not even attempt to approach men in a casual sexual way, in the office.
(I would flirt gently with classmates when I was in school). If I become
seriously interested in someone I know through work, I ask him along on group
outings (we go to the movies or skiing or on a picnic, etc.) and then use my
usual "techniques" mentioned in #4, above. I might allow myself to drop by his
office/desk and chat, more often than usual. But romance in the office is bad
news, as far as I'm concerned. Now that I'm out of the round of univerity
bashes (where the one-night stands came from), my lovers come from my groups
of very gregarious friends & acquaintances. These are people I meet in a
theatre group that I am in, that I knew from my undergraduate days, that
I originally knew from work, that are friends of friends (I meet most of
them that way) or that I meet while taking a course.

   8)  The question that underlies all these questions is how can >I<
meet and keep a woman?
  I think you just have to keep on enjoying your life. If you want to meet
women, do things with lots of people rather than staying home and working
in your darkroom all the time. The more people you know, the more you are
likely to meet people who appeal to you & women who appeal to you (and vice
versa). It can be depressing to WANT so badly & endure disappointments but
try to remember to do things and go places that you enjoy for themselves
(as well as being aware of their possibilities as meeting places) and you
should have good times. (I have always wanted to be Ann Landers)