From: utzoo!watmath!watcgl!ksbszabo Newsgroups: net.jokes Title: Car Owners Handbook Article-I.D.: watcgl.172 Posted: Tue Feb 8 03:20:58 1983 Received: Tue Feb 8 05:07:27 1983 The Car Owner's Handbook - Stolen From - Gordon Lovelace Ottawa Journal Jan 9/1978 (now defunct) Will tire rotation force you to drive backwards for the rest of your life? Fan Belt : a ring of barbed wire around Frank Sinatra's home. Hubcaps : device which cannot be removed when you are changing a tire, but which will fly in all directions when you're travelling 60 on the 401. Accelerator : final notice from your bank that your car payment is overdue. Bumper Stickers : flies, moths and discarded Kleenex from the car in front of you. Sealed Beam : expression on a car salesman's face after you've signed the papers. Rear Defroster : heated cushion. Clutch : device used extensively at drive-in movies. Rear-View Mirror : hook for plastic skeleton, poon dice or baby shoes. Distributor : car sick baby. Four-On-The-Floor : wife swapping party. Emergency Brake : Action which occurs in front of gas station sign reading " Last rest rooms for 200 miles ". Fastback : action taken by driver if Emergency Brake applied too late. Emission Control : device forced upon driver for 200 miles if both Emergency Brake and Fastback impossible. Spark Plug : being forced to bring you girlfriend's parent with you when you go to the drive-in. Drive Shaft : see Spark plug. Driving Instructor : mother-in-law in back seat. Muffler : turning on radio when mother-in-law in the back seat. Emergency Flashers : weird ambulance drivers with raincoats. Defensive Driving : leaving you car home and taking the bus. Offensive Driving : taking the hockey team home from an arena where the showers don't work. Spare Tire : a condition caused by driving when you could walk.