From: utzoo!decvax!decwrl!sun!megatest!dre
Newsgroups: net.singles
Title: breaking up
Article-I.D.: megatest.190
Posted: Wed Mar  9 09:25:56 1983
Received: Sat Mar 12 06:47:54 1983


Well, unc!wm, I'm in the middle of a divorce right now.  You say you can't
understand "how two people who have been so close and in love could ever
break up and stop being friends."  There are probably as many reasons
as there are divorces, but it seems to me that there are a few major ones.
People change as they get older.  A marriage is fundamentally a partnership.
If the partners grow apart and don't have the same goals any more then
the marriage is a failure.  Some people choose to stay together anyway.
Others (like me) decide that they're going to look for something better.
The closest thing I have to advice is that I think everyone should wait
until they are at least 25 and maybe older before they get married.  There
is a lot of difference between 21 and 25.  It takes that extra maturity
to be able to tell if you're seeing through a person or projecting an image
on them that they can't live up to.  Something my mother once told me
(unfortunately I never listened to her then) was that you should meet your
girlfriend's mother.  If you can't see yourself being married to that woman
when you are thirty years older then you should keep looking.  I don't know
if this works, but she had my marriage pegged as a failure from the start
and for exactly the right reasons.  I don't think I'll get married again
without her permission!  If, on your wedding day, you say to yourself,
"There is a good probability this will end in divorce," then RUN, don't walk
from the church!  Divorce is an emotional disaster, not to mention a
financial one.

				Dave Emberson
				megatest!dre