From: utzoo!decvax!duke!unc!wm
Newsgroups: net.singles
Title: More relationships ending hard
Article-I.D.: unc.4747
Posted: Tue Mar  8 20:54:55 1983
Received: Wed Mar  9 05:42:52 1983


I am personally fascinated by the discussion about "breaking up hard."
But I am not talking about dating relationships, I am more interested
in long term, stable relationships (even marriage) where it ends nastily.
I have been lucky (I guess) but I am still good friends with most
every woman I have had a relationship with, and still intimate with
a few of them.  The times where the breakup has been somewhat nasty,
eventually we have gotten back to being friends.  Well, I didn't write
this letter to say what a great person I am, what I am interested in
is how two people who have been so close and in love could ever break
up and stop being friends.  I mean, doesn't it make you think that the
relationship was no big deal in the first place?  Or are people not
interested in being friends (e.g., "just" friends as a way of getting
rid of someone).  Someone I know was contemplating settling down with
the woman he was dating.  So they decided on a date upon which they
would either decide to get married or else they would break up and
go their separate ways.  Does this seem ludicrous to anyone else or
am I just different?  Someone said that nasty breakups are inevitable
because invariably someone is more involved than the other.  This
makes me think that they were no so much interested in that person
as in just having a relationship (i.e., any relationship).  If you
really like someone, you are usually willing to accept what they
have to offer, even if it is not quite what you had in mind (is it
ever?)  My advice to these people (who cares?) is to think about
what the other is feeling.  If you are just interested in what you can
get out of a relationship, you probably won't get anything.  If
you are considerate of what you can put into it to improve it, the
ROI (accounting term, return on investment) will take care of itself.

			Sorry to preach,

			Wm Leler - UNC Chapel Hill