From: utzoo!decvax!harpo!npoiv!npois!cbosgd!cly Newsgroups: net.singles Title: re: breaking up hard Article-I.D.: cbosgd.3255 Posted: Mon Mar 14 09:18:23 1983 Received: Thu Mar 17 21:24:38 1983 Dave Emberson wrote a good article. I agree with the "wait until 25 " part. I was 34 when I got married, and the problem was that my wife didn't truly know herself and what she REALLY wanted out of our marriage. She stated her expectations, as did I, in front of a marriage counselor (pre-marriage counselling) and they turned out to be what she WANTED her expectations to be. Six months later we were in big trouble. Somehow we went 5 years trying to get it together, but it didn't work. At the end, I was still wanting and expecting the same things but still not getting them. She finally realized what she REALLY wanted, and I couldn't provide it. I'm happy that at least I knew what I was looking for and was mature enough to finally see the situation for what it was and not drag it out forever. She and I are now (2 years later) friendly, but not close. We both attend the same singles group and run into each other at parties and events all the time. During the last 2 years, we have been bitterly angry, close, friendly, and distant at various times. What a roller coaster ride! I am scared to get to close to her for fear of being hurt some more. I am also still VERY gun-shy about getting into another relationship (although I want to badly at the same time). As far as other relationships that have ended (I have done most of the ending), I am still friends with all of the women. I think it is because none of them have been "hard" breakups except the marriage. Several folks have suggested checking out the mother or the pet. Well, I think those are good ideas - but the real test is to spend A LOT OF TIME with the person BEFORE committing to a permanent situation. If I had only done that, I feel I would never have had to go through the hell of divorce - and folks, it IS hell! Carl Yaffey cbosgd!cly