From: utzoo!decvax!yale-com!glaser Newsgroups: net.women Title: Re: friends and lovers Article-I.D.: yale-com.1041 Posted: Thu Mar 10 03:00:52 1983 Received: Fri Mar 11 02:26:05 1983 References: crimson.1469 sun.210 hou5f.228 Lloyd claims that: Unfortunately, sex and/or its enjoyment (let's not get bogged down in semantics) falls into two broadly based categories; namely, gratuitous and intimate. The former is usually considered to have selfish motives while the latter tends to be reserved for the "closest" and therefore the "most intimate" of friendships Given this premise, the suggestion of sexual activity from either sex attempts to move the relationship to one or the other categories with predictable results. I disagree strongly with this. The two categories of "gratuitous" and "intimate" are endpoints of a continuum. Having experienced several points along this range, I would say that it is the quality of the relationship (both before and after things get physical) that determines the degree to which sex is "gratuitous" or "intimate." Sure, sex complicates relationships, but to argue that it metamorphises a relationship into either "gratuitousness" or "intimacy" strikes me as specious and maybe even closed-minded. Rob