From: utzoo!watmath!watarts!geo Newsgroups: net.singles Title: The nature of love(?) Article-I.D.: watarts.1505 Posted: Fri Sep 17 03:29:55 1982 Received: Fri Sep 17 04:48:16 1982 Our site seems to have missed the original query that started this group, so I am not entirely sure what topics are being discussed. But I find the idea intriging. I know what kinds of discussions would interest me: -the nature of 'Love' -the nature of sexual attraction -what brings us to become involved with the people we do These are emotional issues. Are subscribers to this group interested in discussing such things? I hope that people won't feel that I have introduced the "sexual market place" that Carl Yaffey referred to in rmas70.196 Is there anyone out there who believes that for each person there is one and only one other person who could be their true love, as suggested by popular songs? If not, in ballpark figures, what percentage of the population you encounter in your day to day life are potential sexual partners? .05%? .5%? 5%? 25%? 50%? (If people would like, they can mail me and I will digestify.) Does it strike people that people who work with computers are often quite socially naive, as if they had somehow missed out on that part of adolescence where you learn about, and become comfortable with the opposite sex, (or I suppose if you are gay with your own sex)? I confess, these have been rhetorical questions. I do not believe in one and only love. In ball-park figures, I would suppose that somewhere between 5% and 25% of the people I meet in my day to day life (I currently attend a large university.) are potential sexual partners. I feel that I and many of my friends and acquaintances missed out on that part of our adolescence where you learn to be comfortable with the opposite sex. I further believe that those of us who missed out are far more vulnerable to manipulation than the rest of the population because our childish illusions about "love" have never been burst. It seems to me that "falling in love" invariably involves idealization of that other person. Somehow we meet someone, who can serve as a kind of a blank screen, upon which we project our desires. They in turn project their desires upon us. And then we accomodate ourselves to one another. (How many of you have met someone you were attracted to, and agreed with something they were saying, even thought that is not at all what you thought or felt?) Finally the denouement comes. The illusions cannot be maintained anymore and one of the lovers screams at the other, "you're not the person I thought you were!" Alternatively, the couple drifts into a ritualized role-bound state of affairs that continues placidly for years without either of them really growing, or getting to know one another better. I admit, I really don't know very many couples. I would love to hear about counter-examples to the scenarios described above. Geo Swan (decvax!watmath!watarts!geo) Integrated Studies University of Waterloo