From: utzoo!decvax!harpo!npois!ucbvax!ARPAVAX:CAD:teklabs!tekmdp!dadla-b!dadla-a!steve Newsgroups: net.jokes Title: CBS invasion of East Falkland Article-I.D.: dadla-a.121 Posted: Mon Jun 14 08:08:30 1982 Received: Wed Jun 16 03:43:49 1982 Reply-To: p!dadla-b!dadla-a!steve CBS STAGES LANDING ON EAST FALKLAND Washington (AP) - CBS announced today that it has successfully staged an amphibious landing on East Falkland island. "We did it to protect the news rights of the American people." said John Richardson, military spokesman for CBS news. "Despite continued negotiation both sides in the conflict had refused to end their cease-reporting, and we felt that another turn of the screw was necessary." The landing took place near Goose Green, where 1400 Argentine troops surrendered to the British two weeks ago. "It was a marvelous landing," said CBS correspondent Connie Chung. "Our boys waded ashore amid incoming artillery rounds, firing their cameras as they went. When the defending British troops saw our CBS insignia they withdrew immediately, except for the commander who came forward under a white flag to offer himself for interview." The CBS force plans to split into two columns. One of the columns will go north to the original British landing point, while the other column will head north-east to Stanley. There was reported to be another CBS invasion force heading south from the U.S., possibly to make an invasion of Stanley itself. It is supposed to arrive in three more days. "If the cease-reporting doesn't end by then, we'll bring in Mike Wallace and give them a real dose of fun," said Richardson.