From: utzoo!decvax!harpo!npoiv!alice!mhtsa!eagle!cw Newsgroups: net.singles Title: Video Dating at Introlens Article-I.D.: eagle.520 Posted: Tue Sep 14 23:46:58 1982 Received: Wed Sep 15 05:18:35 1982 References: ittvax.438 A recent question asked about video dating in the NY/NJ area. Last summer I did sign up with Introlens. The procedure is that they ran a brief credit check (to make sure that I was roughly who I said I was). I then filled out a questionnaire and after a rehearsal filmed a brief interview. The questions were relatively inane but harmless and in fact my interview went reasonably well. The particular service I signed up for allowed a reinterview and I decided to do it after about six months just for variety. (In fact, I never did because I stopped using the service for other reasons). One problem I noticed after viewing some women's tapes was that the quality of the interviewer made a difference; mine happened to be garrulous and on other tapes he did it detracted from the person. (A very tiny sample suggest that women made better interviewers.) After the tape was made, I went in several times to view tapes of women. Sometimes it was my appointment and sometimes it was because they had seen my tape and wanted me to see theirs. Generally, the tapes gave a fair impression of looks and personality; background details were also fair impressions. I did discover that I had to look for some clues to behavior that I would not particularly like in person; that is, I discovered by experience that some answers on the tapes were really codes for other things. This is really not much different, by the way, then interpreting behavior on short acquaintance in person; the signs are just a little different and take some getting used to. Only if both sides agree are phone numbers and full names exchanged. The dates were generally harmless and some were quite interesting. The first was with a go-go dancer (this was one of the things I learned--you have to recognize coded job titles) and it was not exactly a success on either side. But I persevered. Usually we went out for dinner and most times there was a lot of conversation. More than once I had several phone conversations beforehand that were useful. I did wish that there was a way to have a less than formal dinner date on the first evening, but somehow I never could quite think of anything else. Most of the time, dinner did end with a long talk at my date's home. Several introductions ended after one date, but several others developed for a bit. To answer the obvious question, some did develop in sexual affairs and some did not--no different than ordinary introductions. In the September (I think) issue of Glamour, there is an article on these services by a women. Her experiences seemed quite similar to mine. I recommend the article for more background. To summarize, let me say that the service seemed reliable and useful. I met some interesting women I would never otherwise have met. The article I mentioned pointed out that the services really are not very accurate in matching characteristics, but then neither are the yentas (family marriage brokers is the translation) most families have one of. You have to discover your own clues to compatibility. You probably won't meet any raving beauties, but you will be surprised at the attractive women (or men) that you will meet. When I first heard the price ($400 for one year), I thought it high, but now I think it was probably reasonable. You are not likely to meet your princess (or, once again, prince), but you will have some pleasant new friends. Again, I agree with the woman who wrote the article: video dating doesn't guarantee romance, but it takes some of the strain out of dating and is much nicer than singles events for some people (me, for instance). If you feel inclined to try it, I think you will not be disappointed. Note 1: Singles places of one sort or another work for lots of my good friends; just not for me. It takes all kinds and that's what makes the world fun. Note 2: Am I using the service now? No, it happens that about four or five months after I started, I met a women I am now living with. So I put a hold on the service. I suppose that I am still entitled to go back. Note 3 (for social philosophers): It seems to me that our current society, especially for young professionals, is breaking some of the old patterns that allowed people to meet. New ones are being formed--the species preserves itself through evolution of sexual behavior, of course--but in the meantime video dating fills a gap that other traditions filled in the past. And why not? Probably not a few of us have great-grandparents who met through a marriage bureau and first saw one another on their wedding day in a small midwest farm town. I hope this has been a help. Charles