From: utzoo!decvax!harpo!npoiv!alice!mhtsa!eagle!cw
Newsgroups: net.singles
Title: Video Dating at Introlens
Article-I.D.: eagle.520
Posted: Tue Sep 14 23:46:58 1982
Received: Wed Sep 15 05:18:35 1982
References: ittvax.438


A recent question asked about video dating in the NY/NJ area.

Last summer I did sign up with Introlens.  The procedure is that
they ran a brief credit check (to make sure that I was roughly who
I said I was).  I then filled out a questionnaire and after a
rehearsal filmed a brief interview.  The questions were relatively
inane but harmless and in fact my interview went reasonably well.
The particular service I signed up for allowed a reinterview and 
I decided to do it after about six months just for variety.  (In fact,
I never did because I stopped using the service for other reasons).  One
problem I noticed after viewing some women's tapes was that the
quality of the interviewer made a difference; mine happened to
be garrulous and on other tapes he did it detracted from the person.
(A very tiny sample suggest that women made better interviewers.)

After the tape was made, I went in several times to view tapes of
women.  Sometimes it was my appointment and sometimes it was because
they had seen my tape and wanted me to see theirs.  Generally, the
tapes gave a fair impression of looks and personality; background
details were also fair impressions.  I did discover that I had
to look for some clues to behavior that I would not particularly
like in person; that is, I discovered by experience that some
answers on the tapes were really codes for other things.  This is
really not much different, by the way, then interpreting behavior
on short acquaintance in person; the signs are just a little 
different and take some getting used to.  Only if both sides
agree are phone numbers and full names exchanged.

The dates were generally harmless and some were quite interesting.
The first was with a go-go dancer (this was one of the things I
learned--you have to recognize coded job titles) and it was not
exactly a success on either side.  But I persevered.  Usually
we went out for dinner and most times there was a lot of conversation.
More than once I had several phone conversations beforehand that
were useful.  I did wish that there was a way to have a less than
formal dinner date on the first evening, but somehow I never could
quite think of anything else.  Most of the time, dinner did end
with a long talk at my date's home.  Several introductions ended after one
date, but several others developed for a bit.  To answer the obvious
question, some did develop in sexual affairs and some did not--no
different than ordinary introductions.

In the September (I think) issue of Glamour, there is an article on
these services by a women.  Her experiences seemed quite similar
to mine.  I recommend the article for more background.

To summarize, let me say that the service seemed reliable and useful.
I met some interesting women I would never otherwise have met.  The article
I mentioned pointed out that the services really are not very accurate
in matching characteristics, but then neither are the yentas 
(family marriage brokers is the translation) most families have one of.
You have to discover your own clues to compatibility.  You probably
won't meet any raving beauties, but you will be surprised at the
attractive women (or men) that you will meet.  When I first heard
the price ($400 for one year), I thought it high, but now I think it
was probably reasonable.  You are not likely to meet your princess (or, once
again, prince), but you will have some pleasant new friends.  Again,
I agree with the woman who wrote the article: video dating doesn't
guarantee romance, but it takes some of the strain out of dating and is
much nicer than singles events for some people (me, for instance).
If you feel inclined to try it, I think you will not be disappointed.

Note 1:  Singles places of one sort or another work for lots of my good
friends; just not for me.  It takes all kinds and that's what makes the
world fun.

Note 2:  Am I using the service now?  No, it happens that about four or
five months after I started, I met a women I am now living with.
So I put a hold on the service.  I suppose that I am
still entitled to go back.

Note 3 (for social philosophers):  It seems to me that our current
society, especially for young professionals, is breaking some of
the old patterns that allowed people to meet.  New ones are being
formed--the species preserves itself through evolution of sexual
behavior, of course--but in the meantime video dating fills a gap
that other traditions filled in the past.  And why not?  Probably
not a few of us have great-grandparents who met through a
marriage bureau and first saw one another on their wedding day
in a small midwest farm town.

I hope this has been a help.

Charles