From: utzoo!decvax!harpo!Anonymous
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Title: Merger Announced - (nf)
Article-I.D.: harpo.710
Posted: Tue Jun  1 21:14:30 1982
Received: Wed Jun  2 02:50:43 1982

#N:harpo:8300003:000:2274
harpo!Anonymous    Jun  1 21:11:00 1982


Here at the labs we get occasional desk to desk memos on important
news concerning the bell system.  The following came across my desk
the in the same official form:


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...an up-to-the minute Bell Labs News supplement


						June 1, 1982

	Merger Announced


	In an effort to stem potentially destructive legislation, AT&T
	announced plans today to purchase the U.S. Goverment.  This
	decision was not reached lightly, but AT&T chairman Charles L.
	Brown feels strongly that the change will be in the best
	interest of the employees, the stockholders, and the Bell System
	customers.

	"We have been involved in lengthy debate with officials from
	every branch of the goverment.  There is no feasible long
	or short term solution to the Bell Systems problems.  The Justice
	Department and the Congress want the country to have the best
	telecommunications service in the world, and we all felt some
	sacrifices would have to be made to accomplish this goal," Brown
	was quoted as saying today from his plush Manhattan office.

	No major changes are anticipated in either the structure or
	current staff of the Goverment.  However, Brown indicated
	his intention to make one key personal change.  "Timothy Wirth is
	fired.  I wouldn't give him a job in my company if he begged me"
	was the chairman's only comment.

	Trading in AT&T stock has been suspended until furhter notice.

	More details about this announcement will be contained in next
	week's Bell Labs News.