From: utzoo!watmath!rtris
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Title: OSVU
Article-I.D.: watmath.2967
Posted: Thu Jul  8 15:54:12 1982
Received: Thu Jul  8 23:31:57 1982

Data Processing                            Date January 30,  1979
Division

         P-R-O-G-R-A-M-M-I-N-G A-N-N-O-U-N-C-E-M-E-N-T


NEW OPERATING SYSTEM

Because so many users have asked for an operating system of  even
greater  capability  than  VM, IBM announces the Virtual Universe
Operating System - OS/VU.

Running under OS/VU, the individual  user  appears  to  have  not
merely  a  machine of his own, but an entire universe of his own,
in which he can set up and take down his own programs, data sets,
systems  networks, personnel, and planetary systems. He need only
specify the universe he desires, and the OS/VU system  generation
program  (IEHGOD)  does  the  rest.  This  program will reside in
SYS1.GODLIB.  The minimum time for this function  is  6  days  of
activity  and  1  day  of  review. In conjunction with OS/VU, all
system utilities have been replaced by one  program  (IEHPROPHET)
which  will  reside in SYS1.MESSIAH. This program has no parms or
control cards as it  knows  what  you  want  to  do  when  it  is
executed.

Naturally, the user  must  have  attained  a  certain  degree  of
sophistication  in  the  data  processing  field  if an efficient
utilization of OS/VU  is  to  be  achieved.   Frequent  calls  to
nonresident galaxies, for instance, can lead to unexpected delays
in the execution of a job. Although IBM, through its wholly-owned
subsidiary, The United States, is working on a program to upgrade
the  speed  of  light   and   thus   reduce   the   overhead   of
extraterrestrial   and  metadimensional  paging,  users  must  be
careful for the present to stay within the laws of physics.   IBM
must charge an additional fee for violations.

OS/VU will run on  any  IBM  x0xx  equipped  with  Extended  WARP
Feature. Rental is twenty million dollars per cpu/nanosecond.

Users should be aware that IBM  plans  to  migrate  all  existing
systems and hardware to OS/VU as soon as our engineers effect one
output that is (conceptually) error-free. This  will  give  us  a
base  to  develop  an even more powerful operating system, target
date 2001, designated "Virtual  Reality".  OS/VR  is  planned  to
enable  the  user  to migrate to totally unreal universes. To aid
the user in identifying the difference between "Virtual  Reality"
and  "Real  Reality",  a  file containing a linear arrangement of
multisensory total records of successive moments of now  will  be
established. It's name will be SYS1.est.

For  more  information,  contact   your   IBM   data   processing
representative.

International Business Machines
Corporation
1133 Westchester Avenue
White Plains, New York 10004


[Courtesy Datamation?]

                                                          Ralph.