From: utzoo!trigraph!tjiang Newsgroups: net.jokes Title: Cows and Politics Article-I.D.: trigraph.105 Posted: Sat Jun 5 18:15:40 1982 Received: Sat Jun 5 19:52:12 1982 Expires: Wed Jun 30 00:00:00 1982 From the "Salterrae" published every once in a while by Trinity College -- University of Toronto The Intelligent Human's Guide To Cow's and Politics The political turmoil of recent times may have left many Salterrae readers in confusion as to just what the meanings are of all those "-isms" that are bandied about by people who know something about politics. As usual, Salterrae comes to the rescue, with the aplomb so characteristic of this learned journal. It's quite simple, really -- politics means cattle, and cattle means politics. Taking that as our text, Salterrae herewith presents a streamlined, simplified analysis of the political spectrum which tells you all you need to know to hold your own in any political discussion. No bull. SOCIALISM - You have two cows. Give one to your neighbour. COMMUNISM - You have two cows. Give them both to the government. Government gives you milk. FASCISM - You have two cows. Give milk to government. Government sells it. NAZISM - Government shoots you and takes cows. NEW DEALISM - Government shoots one cow, milks the other and pours milk down the sink. CAPITALISM - Sell one cow. Buy bull. ANARCHISM - Keep cows. Shoot government. Steal another cow. CONSERVATISM - Embalms cows. Freeze milk. LIBERALISM - Give milk back to cows. Let them escape.