From: utzoo!decvax!pur-ee!uiucdcs!ray
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Title: Final Exam - (nf)
Article-I.D.: uiucdcs.301
Posted: Fri Jul 30 15:27:32 1982
Received: Sat Jul 31 05:20:55 1982

#N:uiucdcs:9900018:000:2908
uiucdcs!ray    Jul 30 15:16:00 1982

INSTRUCTIONS: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time Limit -
4 hours. Begin immediately.

PUBLIC SPEAKING: 2,000 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm
them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.

MUSIC: Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum.
You will find a piano under your seat.

PSYCHOLOGY: Based on your knowledge of their  works,  evaluate  the  emotional
stability,  degree  of  adjustment,  and repressed frustrations of each of the
following: Alexander of Aphrodidias, Rameses II,  Gregory of Nicea, Hammurabi.
Support  your  evaluation  with  quotations  from each man's works, making ap-
propriate references. It is not necessary to translate.

ENGINEERING: The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have  been  placed
in  a  box  on  your desk. You will also find an instruction manual printed in
Swahili. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted  to  the  room.
Take  whatever  action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your deci-
sion.

ECONOMICS: Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national  debt.  Trace
the possible effects of your plan on the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist
controversy, the wave theory of light. Outline a method  of  preventing  these
effects. Criticize this method from all possible points of view.

POLITICAL SCIENCE: There is a red telephone on  the  desk  beside  you.  Start
World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effect, if any.

PHYSICS: Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of
the impact of the development of mathematics on science.

PHILOSOPHY: Sketch the development of human  thought;  estimate  its  signifi-
cance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.

HISTORY: Describe the history of the papacy from its origins  to  the  present
day,  concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political,
economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe,  America,  Asia,  and
Africa. Be brief and concise.

BIOLOGY: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture  if
this  form of life had existed 10,000 years earlier, with special attention to
its probable effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.

EPISTEMOLOGY: Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your
position.

MEDICINE: You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze,  and  a
bottle  of  alcohol.  Remove  your appendix. Do not suture until your work has
been inspected. You have 15 minutes.

THEOLOGY: Define the "historical position" of  the  Lutheran  Church  Missouri
Synod - in 25 words or less.

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.

EXTRA CREDIT: Define the universe; give 3 examples.

Too bad there's not one for C.S.  Any suggestions?
A. Ray Miller     pur-ee!uiucdcs!ray