From: utzoo!watmath!watarts!geo
Newsgroups: net.singles
Title: The nature of love(?)
Article-I.D.: watarts.1505
Posted: Fri Sep 17 03:29:55 1982
Received: Fri Sep 17 04:48:16 1982


     Our site seems to have missed the original query that
started this group, so I am not entirely sure what topics are
being discussed.  But I find the idea intriging.  I know what
kinds of discussions would interest me:
   -the nature of 'Love'
   -the nature of sexual attraction
   -what brings us to become involved with the people we do

     These are emotional issues.  Are subscribers to this group
interested in discussing such things?  I hope that people won't
feel that I have introduced the "sexual market place" that Carl
Yaffey referred to in rmas70.196

     Is there anyone out there who believes that for each person
there is one and only one other person who could be their true
love, as suggested by popular songs?  If not, in ballpark
figures, what percentage of the population you encounter in your
day to day life are potential sexual partners? .05%? .5%? 5%?
25%? 50%?  (If people would like, they can mail me and I will
digestify.)

     Does it strike people that people who work with computers
are often quite socially naive, as if they had somehow missed out
on that part of adolescence where you learn about, and become
comfortable with the opposite sex, (or I suppose if you are gay
with your own sex)?

     I confess, these have been rhetorical questions.  I do not
believe in one and only love.  In ball-park figures, I would
suppose that somewhere between 5% and 25% of the people I meet in
my day to day life (I currently attend a large university.) are
potential sexual partners.  I feel that I and many of my friends
and acquaintances missed out on that part of our adolescence
where you learn to be comfortable with the opposite sex.

     I further believe that those of us who missed out are far
more vulnerable to manipulation than the rest of the population
because our childish illusions about "love" have never been
burst.

     It seems to me that "falling in love" invariably involves
idealization of that other person.  Somehow we meet someone, who
can serve as a kind of a blank screen, upon which we project our
desires.  They in turn project their desires upon us.  And then
we accomodate ourselves to one another.  (How many of you have
met someone you were attracted to, and agreed with something they
were saying, even thought that is not at all what you thought or
felt?) Finally the denouement comes.  The illusions cannot be
maintained anymore and one of the lovers screams at the other,
"you're not the person I thought you were!" Alternatively, the
couple drifts into a ritualized role-bound state of affairs that
continues placidly for years without either of them really
growing, or getting to know one another better.

     I admit, I really don't know very many couples.  I would
love to hear about counter-examples to the scenarios described
above.

        Geo Swan        (decvax!watmath!watarts!geo)
        Integrated Studies
        University of Waterloo