From: utzoo!decvax!harpo!npoiv!npois!houxi!whuxk!zeppo!mes
Newsgroups: net.singles
Title: net.singles vs. net.marriage? - (nf)
Article-I.D.: zeppo.312
Posted: Fri Sep 10 17:01:32 1982
Received: Sat Sep 11 02:15:42 1982

#N:zeppo:18000001:000:4074
zeppo!mes    Sep 10 16:55:00 1982

So when does net.marriage stop and net.singles begin?
 
I pose the above question as a tongue in cheek method of introducing what I
see as an interesting topic. Specifically, is marriage always the end point
to being single? It certainly seems that way from the discussions in this
newsgroup, as virtually all of the artcles have related to marriage in one
form or another.
I propose that marriage is not necessary in order to enjoy a fruitful, happy
and interesting life. One can, if willing to accept times of solitude,
be perfectly happy without constant companionship. Perhaps I am a minority of
one (and I would like to know this from other readers), but:
  (1) I, at the present time, and I emphasize that, do not think I could
      handle the responsibility and commitment of marriage;
  (2) There are times where I absolutely enjoy total solitude - I am not
      antisocial, but there are times when I want to be alone, and not be
      forced to be accountable to any person for my whereabouts;
  (3) There are times when I wish to enjoy the company of one or another
      group of friends, and not be responsible to, or worry about, my
      `wife' enjoying or getting along with my friends.
  (4) To expound on the above, there are certain activities that I now
      enjoy, that I wish to continue to enjoy, that I do not want to
      give up because my `wife' thinks they are unsuitable for me, for
      whatever reason (too dangerous, boring, ridiculous, whatever).
Admittedly, this is self-serving: I never said it wasn't! But, I am (in
my opinion) being fair in not dragging someone else into things that I *will*
do, against their wishes. 
I want to make clear, though, that I am not against the concept of an 
emotional relationship, in fact, that would probably be nice. There is a
certain difference between marriage and a serious emotional relationship, in
that, if insurmountable incompatibilities are discovered, a clean, and
usually unshattering end to the relationship can be arrived at. I hasten
to note that this difficulty in ending the relationship is one reason why
people desire to enter into a marriage ( as several of the recent postees
have proclaimed) but for me, this is far more of a detriment than an
advantage!!! I wish to make it extremely clear that I will work to resolve
difficulties that may arise, however, one may have to declare a `point of
no return', and I contend that that point is no easier to declare in an
non-marriage situation, but far easier to resolve once that point has been
reached.
So I reach my conclusion: for me, and perhaps only for me, marriage is not
a good idead for the time being. I enjoy much of being single, and I hate
much of it as well. Yes, there are times when I despise going home alone
to that sterile apartment, but those times are somewhat fewer than the times
that I don't mind it. There are times when I want close, all-knowing
companionship, and there are times when I wouldn't want anyone to know what
I am thinking or why I am thinking it. While I wouldn't know from experience,
I can well imagine that one's privacy in thought and fact is reduced in a
marriage.
Let us move on, then. While this discussion is fairly interesting, it is
essentially a statement of fact for me. What I would like to see is some
assurance that I am not alone in this world in my way of thinking, and
some of my single friends assure me that I am not, and then we should
move on to a discussion of the single person and her/his world. What do we
do differently from married couples? What do we do when we get lonely and
there is no-one around? Short of getting married, what solutions are there?
I apologize for the length of this opus, but perhaps if we can clear the
air, we can get on to a worthwhile discussion of options, activities and
problems that affect the single person, besides that of getting married.
 
             I am not afraid to sign my name, but I probably should be,
               Michael Sajor
               Bell Laboratories, Whippany NJ (201)386-4409
               zeppo!mes