From: utzoo!decvax!pur-ee!uiucdcs!ray Newsgroups: net.jokes Title: Final Exam - (nf) Article-I.D.: uiucdcs.301 Posted: Fri Jul 30 15:27:32 1982 Received: Sat Jul 31 05:20:55 1982 #N:uiucdcs:9900018:000:2908 uiucdcs!ray Jul 30 15:16:00 1982 INSTRUCTIONS: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time Limit - 4 hours. Begin immediately. PUBLIC SPEAKING: 2,000 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek. MUSIC: Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat. PSYCHOLOGY: Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodidias, Rameses II, Gregory of Nicea, Hammurabi. Support your evaluation with quotations from each man's works, making ap- propriate references. It is not necessary to translate. ENGINEERING: The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your deci- sion. ECONOMICS: Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan on the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist controversy, the wave theory of light. Outline a method of preventing these effects. Criticize this method from all possible points of view. POLITICAL SCIENCE: There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effect, if any. PHYSICS: Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science. PHILOSOPHY: Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its signifi- cance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought. HISTORY: Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, America, Asia, and Africa. Be brief and concise. BIOLOGY: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had existed 10,000 years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your thesis. EPISTEMOLOGY: Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position. MEDICINE: You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of alcohol. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have 15 minutes. THEOLOGY: Define the "historical position" of the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod - in 25 words or less. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: Describe in detail. Be objective and specific. EXTRA CREDIT: Define the universe; give 3 examples. Too bad there's not one for C.S. Any suggestions? A. Ray Miller pur-ee!uiucdcs!ray