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MiSTing: Franchise Opportunities [1/1] [message #391574] Sun, 08 March 2020 04:00
Anonymous
Karma:
Originally posted by: JMShearer

MiSTing: Franchise Opportunities
ERA: Nonstandard/none: J. Michael Shearer's Theater one-off
Category: ad/spam
Original Author: unknown
MiSTing Author: Jesse Shearer

Opening Scene

The scene opens on the head and shoulders of a heavyset middle aged man with glasses and a somewhat gray beard, as seen from a webcam, presumably mounted atop a computer monitor. The shelves behind the man is cluttered with various books, VHS tapes, and other random items, including a glass-brick clock. This man is me, JESSE, trying to come back to the Mystery Science Theater fan fiction scene.

JESSE: Hey, folks, it's your good buddy JMShearer. Since I'm done with YouTube videos for I don't know how long and am going back to mostly writing again, I figure I may as well get started with a MiSTing of something from my Funny Spam folder. Here's one I got back in August of last year. It's amusing for quite a few reasons. Let's have a look, shall we?

[scene shifts to JESSE silhouetted at the bottom of the screen, in the center]

>
> From: Debra Weiss <debra@ franresearch.com>
> To: 

JESSE: Redacted.

> Sent: Tuesday, August 13, 2019, 06:46:03 PM CDT
> Subject: Franchise Opportunities

JESSE: No thanks!

> Hello Jesse,

JESSE: [Peter Gabriel, Big Time] Hi there!

> I wanted to reach out and discuss a possible
> alternative to the traditional corporate grind.

JESSE: OK, I like trying new kinds of coffee.

> Our firm works closely with individuals who
> are open to exploring entrepreneurship, giving
> them a chance to build equity in a business of
> their own.

JESSE: And you think that's me why, exactly?

> Specifically, a franchise business with a support
> system and proven business model.

JESSE: What kind of franchise business?

> Many individuals have even kept their current
> jobs while building a business of their own through
> semi-absentee models. 

JESSE: Good for them, I guess.

> With over 25 years of experience, we've helped people
> explore business ownership through the
> franchise model.

JESSE: Ah, 25 years XP right from the start, huh?

> With our guidance and research assistance, we can show
> you top franchise companies that would be the best fit for
> your past experiences.

JESSE: And allow us to empty your bank account the quickest.

>
> For more information, please visit www.franresearch.com and
> complete the "Contact" page for additional information.

JESSE: I'll pass, thanks.

>  If you have any questions, please let me know your availability
> for a 5 minute phone conversation.

JESSE: Plenty of questions, no time for a call in this case, sorry.

> Sincerely,
> Debra Weiss

JESSE: Thanks, Deb!

> Recruitment Specialist

JESSE: Love the fancy title.

> P.S. I understand if the timing is not right.

JESSE: Uh huh.

> Please reply with "REMOVE" in the subject and I will remove
> your information promptly.

JESSE: What if I save this message as a word processor file, delete
it from my spam folder, then wait several months to write a
MiSTing, instead?

> 402 West Broadway Suite 400, San Diego, CA 92101

JESSE: Did I miss something, or does this company not have a name?

[scene shifts back to opening]

JESSE: Fun stuff, that. Before too long, I'm hoping to get back to more stuff like my classic works, which I've tried to reboot a few times over the years, most notably here, here, and here. The attempt to reboot you're looking at now was inspired by finding some ancient fodder on an old laptop while I was on vacation last fall. I'm not going to commit to anything just yet, but I might actually get somewhere with all this this time. As for possible posting locations, right now, I'm thinking my blog, the one MST newsgroup I'm still in, and possibly the Misting Canon site. We'll see how it all plays out, of course. As always, more to come

End Credits theme: MegaMan RoboVOICE by Joe Redifer

Credits:

DeviantArt: hosting my art and some writing
YouTube
Peter Gabriel: Big Time song
Joel Hogson and Best Brains: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Blogger: itself
MST Canon site
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