Originally posted by: mst3kluv
hi, everyone, please tell what I need to improve for the final draft
of this MSTing. Oh, by the way, I've emailed the authors of both
stories but still have not received a response. My apologies if this
MSTing is not allowed.
Lost in the Mushroom Kingdom
By Skeleton Jon
> I walked through the door of Ranga’s home with my mom,
TOM(protagonist): Mom, I’d like you to meet my D&D club.
MIKE: Hey, we don’t even know what the protagonist’s like yet, give
him a chance.
CROW: Fat chance, this is a self-insertion fanfic. Giving this guy a
chance is like giving Coleman Francis funding to make a movie.
>I had been told to meet Shadow there, but when I arrived there was
no one there
MIKE: So we turned around and went home. The End.
TOM: The guy’s gonna team up with Shadow the Hedgehog now!?! Can this
get any worse!?!
MIKE: Tom, we’re barely 5 lines in. Give this a story chance to at
least introduce the characters.
> “Hello?” I called, “is anybody home?
TOM(narrator): Hearing no answer, I stepped into the dark, empty
house. There was nothing but the sound of the ever faint wind rustling
though the trees and the ticking of the long abandoned grandfather
clock in the hall. As the clock suddenly struck midnight, I thought to
myself, and it was then that I knew the truth. This house was home to
a family of alien supremacist serial killers!!
MIKE,CROW: (stares of confusion)
> “Surprise!” they all screamed as they shoved me back through the door
CROW(Protagonist): Aaah! My spine! Who the hell was it that planned
that surprise!?!
MIKE , TOM(people at the door): Hahahaha!!
CROW(protagonist): Seriously!! I think I might be paralyzed from the
waist down!!
MIKE, TOM (people at the door): Hahahaha!!
> “Whoa!” I screamed as we fell through the dimensional vortex,
CROW (protagonist): Then we landed in a world where all the self
insertion characters roamed free!! Free, in the lands of their
choice!!
ALL: AUUUGGGGHHHHHHHH!!
>as we fell our outfits changed
TOM: Thanks to the power of dimensional vortex magic!!
> , I now wore a pair of black overalls with a gold shirt underneath, my shoes were the same, I >had on a hat with my pentagram symbol on it and my chocker was transformed into a medallion
MIKE(protagonist): Then I realized that I could now fix leaky pipes…ON
THE STREETS OF GETTO NEW YORK!!
TOM ( TV announcer): This fall on FOX! Two bad careers collide into
one GANGSTA PLUMBER!!
> Shadow wore her normal clothes but she had a white lab coat on,
CROW: Hold on, wait a minute, Shadow’s a girl?? Maybe this story isn’t
what we thought it would be after all…
MIKE: Unless Shadow got a sex change operation earlier, and later on,
she/he ends up falling in love with the main character.
TOM: I’m just going to stand over here in the corner and cry,
Nelson.
>Ranga wore a black and purple variation of my overalls.
TOM: Ranga turned into Waluigi!!
>I didn’t see any of the other costumes as we broke into the world at
that moment.
CROW(protagonist): And we were promptly arrested for breaking and
entering. The End!
> I found myself flying through the deep recesses of space,
CROW(Author): Fanfic, Warp 5!!
>strange planets darted past me as I flew, suddenly a huge airship
appeared and blasted us with >a ray of black energy,
(All cheer)
ALL: 2,4,6,8! Who do we appreciate!! YAYY…AIRSHIP!!
>I had the sensation of falling and my world went black…
TOM(Thug): Have you ever had one of those dreams where you’re fallin’,
kid? Except in this one, you’re not gonna wake up!
> I awoke lying on a grassy planet, surrounded by flowers; I noticed a castle on a hill ahead
> “Maybe I can find out where I am over there!” I said as I ran towards the castle, I ran up the >stairs and on the top of the stairs was a beautiful woman with blonde hair and blue eyes, she >wore a cosmic blue dress
MIKE(protagonist): Damn, the one day that I come, she’s wearing
clothes.
> “Hello, ive been expecting you” she said when I reached her
CROW(Lady): I’ve carried you for 9 months. Now, actually show some
signs of effort in English class!
“>Hi” I said “I’m Jonathan, but you can call me Twilight if you like!”
(silence, then loud sobbing)
TOM: Our protagonist finally gets a name after several lines, and his
nickname is based on the STUPIDEST BOOK EVER!!! ARRRGGGGGH!!!
MIKE: Calm down, Tom. Look, we can call him Jonathan if that’s okay
with you.
Stewy ruins the city
By soulijaboy1311
> THE DAY I GOT INVADED
> CHAPTER1
> It all started this year in sixth grade when I was at school
CROW: That year, I learned that inside every one of us is a brain, an
athlete, a basket case, a princess, and a criminal.
> and I was taking a test. Right in the middle I heard this sound go over >the school.
TOM: It was the sound of machine guns killing everything in sight.
>There was a green ray going through the school.
TOM: Slicing the school and everyone in it in half.
>It landed in my math class room.
ALL: Aaah!! Killer clown!! Run, everyone!!
>These aliens came down the green ray. >The aliens said that they
wanted me
CROW: To join the U.S. Army!
>and so they knocked me out. >They brought me into their ship.
TOM(aliens): And now for our honeymoon…
Yeah, I haven't done much with "stewy ruins the city yet.
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