| MiSTed: I WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO TURN Potatoes into CASH! [ 1 / 1 ] [message #170481] |
Wed, 31 December 2008 12:19  |
nebusj-
Messages: 623
Registered: September 2012
Karma: 0
|
Senior Member |
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[ SATELLITE OF LOVE. CROW and TOM, wearing glasses with pencils
tucked against their heads, are going over a mess of papers, as
MIKE, wearing a baseball glove and playing with a ball, enters
and surveys the scene. ]
TOM: 48 out of 152 by my count.
CROW: Yeah, but there were like a dozen assists.
TOM: They don't count when you get yelled at for them.
CROW: They do too! Mike! [ Startling MIKE, who drops the ball. ]
Tell Tom they count!
MIKE: Tell Tom what counts and for who's counting, Crow?
TOM: Oh, don't pad, Mike.
CROW: Our *statistics*, Mike. We've got to update our statistics
on riffs attempted, riffs completed, laughs gotten, bobbled
references, all these things.
MIKE: And this is important ... why?
TOM: For our rotisserie league! Sheesh, don't you follow anything?
MIKE: Constantly. What rotisserie ---
[ MADS SIGN flashes. ]
MIKE: Oh, for the love of ... hello?
[ DEEP 13. TV's FRANK is sitting at a collapsible table with many
sheets of grid paper and books as he works. DR FORRESTER
sits opposite him with a small pile of cash. ]
FRANK: So center seat I've got Mike ... left seat I'm going to stick
with Tom ... right seat ... what do you think, ten bucks for Crow?
DR F: Absolutely.
FRANK: [ Handing a bill over to DR F ] All right! I got a team!
DR F: [ Pocketing the bill ] You've got a rare talent, Frank.
[ DR FORRESTER faces the camera. ]
DR F: Well, now, minions. Did you know everything you can count
can be turned into money for people who aren't you? It can.
Now off to the theater and let's generate some statistics,
mmm? Your game today is an advertisement for potato chip
manufacture ... riff all you want, boys, we'll make more.
[ SATELLITE OF LOVE. ]
TOM: Did he just Jay Leno all over us?
CROW: This can only end in tragedy. And party snacks.
[ MOVIE SIGN flashes; general alarm. ]
MIKE: Later, we got movie sign!
[ 6 ... 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... ]
[ THEATER. ALL file in. ]
CROW: All right! Tie game so far!
> MODERN MECHANIX
MIKE: And practical jokes!
CROW: Like the spelling.
> AND INVENTIONS
> June 1935
TOM: [ Snorting ] Blazing its way from print, to us, to you.
MIKE: It's not so much snail-mail as continental-drift-mail.
> http://blog.modernmechanix.com/2006/05/03/turn-potatoes-into -cash/
TOM: Oh, now we've got blog all over the ... potatoes into cash?
The heck?
>
> I WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO TURN Potatoes into CASH!
MIKE: Worst counterfeiting scheme ever.
>
> START YOU in a Profitable Potato Chip Business At Home
CROW: [ Taking odd offense ] Yeah? Well ... start *you* in a
profitable potato chip business at home, then!
>
> THE invention of a marvelous new machine
MIKE: Excuse me, that's [ Booming, announcing ]
*A* marvelous *NEW* machine.
> throws the big
> potato-chip market wide open again.
TOM: After the big Ruffles-Lays bailout.
> Even if your community is
> being supplied with old fashioned chips,
CROW: Hand-carved by traditional artisans working under a stern
but understanding taskmaster.
> I'll show you how to
> step in and grab the market,
MIKE: [ Booming ] Unless you meet my demands immediately!
CROW: Won't the potato chip market be all greasy and have that
salt grit all over your fingers?
> rake the profits into your own
> pocket.
TOM: I don't have a pocket.
MIKE: [ Announcing ] I'll show you how to afford a pocket!
CROW: I don't have a rake.
MIKE: [ As above ] You'll be able to afford a rake!
TOM: A pocket rake!
> You simply manufacture and sell to stores at wholesale
> --- let stores sell for you.
CROW: Stores selling things! Why, it's brilliant!
MIKE: Oh, now, he's thought of everything.
> I furnish complete plant and
> exact instructions for making profits the first day.
TOM: [ Announcing ] The fourth, sixth, and ninth days you have
to wing it!
>
> "GREASELESS" Potato Chips Made by New Machine
MIKE: One hundred percent John-Travola-free in minutes!
>
> Think of it --- for the first time ---
CROW: They're right! It's amazing! For the first time!
TOM: Third time it's just kind of `huh'.
> a Potato Chip
> from which all excess oil has been extracted by my new
> "wringer".
TOM: [ As the advertiser ] And sold to the worldwide potato oil
cartels!
> Look better, taste better, stay fresh longer.
CROW: What if I want to stay fresh wider? What then?
> No
> wonder the public is crazy about this new kind of chip.
MIKE: Potato chips with the great, great taste of guys who
buy stuff from Modern Mechanics ads.
> No
> wonder my operators are having such big success,
TOM: And fabulous cash prizes!
> even with no
> experience.
CROW: Even with no potatoes!
>
> BIG PROFITS
MIKE: No, bigger!
TOM: It's a wild profiteeria!
>
> The profits in this business are enormous.
CROW: [ Amused ] They're potato-y chip-tacular!
> You can
> take $11.50 in raw material
TOM: [ Announcing ] Any raw material! Have some bauxite?
Make potato chips with that!
> --- run it through the machine
CROW: [ Feebly ] We, ah, we're still working on this part but it's
going to be great!
> and take out enough chips to bring you $35 cash
MIKE: [ Amused ] Cash or potato chips!
> --- selling at
> wholesale. A clear profit for your time of $23.50.
TOM: Wow!
CROW: Why, that's nearly twenty-four dollars!
MIKE: You can almost buy Manhattan on that potato chip fortune!
> And that's
> one day's output for the machine.
CROW: [ Humoring this ] Why, in two days you could make a profit
of $47!
> At this rate it is possible
> for a man and wife working together to make $135.00 a week.
TOM: [ Humoring ] Hey, that's a whole twenty-*seven* dollars a day!
MIKE: [ As the announcer ] The money is just pouring in! And it's
just potatoes and bauxite!
> And now the complete plant --- with my new machine ---
CROW: I call it ... the POTATO machine!
MIKE: It's amazingly fantastic and chip-based!
> can be
> put into your kitchen or basement
TOM: Or toss it immediately on the pile for the garage sale.
> for less than the down
> payment on a cheap car.
MIKE: Far less than the payment for a whole car company!
>
> SEND POSTAL FOR FREE INFORMATION
CROW: [ Announcing ] Mail anything to anything else!
MIKE: [ Likewise ] Just mail something! You'll get valuable
free information!
TOM: [ Likewise ] And if you meet a Postal then send it!
>
> Send your name and address today on a postal card.
MIKE: [ Announcing ] Include a sample of your favorite potato chip!
> I'll send you pictures
TOM: *Uh*-oh.
> and information free showing exactly how
> you can start at home and make money the first day.
CROW: Full explanations of what a potato is!
TOM: Clear diagrams show what parts are the skin!
MIKE: Helpful ``Frequently Asked Questions'' show how to identify
a potato in under twenty minutes a day!
> All
> information is Free.
TOM: We make our money selling potato chip toner!
> No obligation.
MIKE: Just your friends and family rolling their eyes and talking
to you through clenched teeth!
>
> O. K. MILLER,
TOM: Didn't he have a series on Mutual Broadcasting?
> 325 W. Huron St.,
CROW: Here on Huron?
TOM: Huron chips!
> Dept. 406 Chicago,
> Illinois
MIKE: Chicago! Potato chip by the Lake!
CROW: 406 potato chips by the Lake!
TOM: Time to blow this popsicle stand.
[ 1 ... 2 ... 3 ... 4 ... 5 ... 6 ... ]
[ SATELLITE OF LOVE. CROW and MIKE are behind the desk, with General
Store-type toy junk scattered haphazardly. From one plastic
barrel MIKE takes and eats a potato chip. ]
MIKE: [ With an Arkansan accent, kept until the note later on ]
Well, if this weren't one of the most underwhelmed p'tato chips
I ever did see.
CROW: [ Similar accent, also kept until the note ] I doggies, Lum,
I knowed it, but what are we s'pposed to do 'gainst the Squire's
p'tato chip monopoly?
MIKE: [ As a jingling bell rings ] Hold on there, that's a stranger
come into our store, ain't it?
[ TOM, with a bouquet of potato chips in his bubble, enters; he speaks
normally but ebulliently. ]
TOM: Gentlemen! Could I interest you in as many potato chips as I
have bauxite to make and pass the savings on to you? Please try
a sample --- my bubble is perfectly hygienic!
[ MIKE samples a chip. ]
MIKE: By gum --- this here 'tato chip tastes like more than p'tatoes!
CROW: Now, that's plum silly, how can that happen?
MIKE: [ Giving CROW a chip ] But it's got itself a tasting like they
was sour cream and chives in it! Chives!
TOM: Yes! I bring you chives! And at under twenty-three dollars!
CROW: [ Finishing nibbling ] Why if it weren't the most amazing thing
I ever did see! What a future we got ourselves to live in!
TOM: And we are near a breakthrough on dip!
MIKE: [ Folding his hands together, and, bowing --- with this, MIKE
and CROW give up the accents and resume speaking normally ]
And ... scene.
[ Eating another chip from TOM ] Thank you, gentlemen. Now,
Tom, you had a special announcement, didn't you?
TOM: Why, yes. Our potato chip bit is all in fun ---
CROW: [ Muttering to himself ] Potato chip bite.
TOM: *Thank* you, Crow. But for Mystery Science Theater 3000 fan
fictions or MiSTings, whichever comes first, plus MiSTing quotes
yanked out of all context, why not try the shiny new web site
http://www.nebusresearch.com/mst3000/
TOM: Thank you, won't you?
CROW: And what about the Dibs List for future MiSTing authors?
TOM: [ Looking at CROW ] You can't just let me have my moment,
can you? For shame, Crow, for shame. [ TOM exits, sulking. ]
MIKE: Right, ah, what do you think, sirs?
[ DEEP 13. DR FORRESTER and TV's FRANK are piling up open baskets
of potato chips. TV's FRANK eats one. ]
FRANK: Dip? Dip?! Why, we've almost solved the problem of cheddar
cheese potato chips! Get out of here with your dip!
DR F: As the henchling says, gentlemen. Why, at 23 dollars and 50
cents we'll be rolling in crispy, fried money by tomorrow.
FRANK: Oh, and I'm going to trade Crow for a used Sklar.
[ SATELLITE OF LOVE. CROW is riled up; MIKE is eating potato chips. ]
CROW: What? Me? What for? Which Sklar?
[ DEEP 13. As before. ]
FRANK: Who knows? Besides, I'm getting a blogger for trading Tom.
Hey, Steve, shall I push the button?
DR F: No, Frank, you should push the button.
FRANK: Oh, OK, I'll do that instea --- huh?
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Mystery Science Theater 3000, its characters and situations and
everything are the property of Best Brains, Inc, and don't think anyone
is challenging that at all. O K Miller's advertisement copy is used for
non-commercial parody and commentary purposes so don't get the idea any
infringement-like things are meant. I'm curious how the machine worked.
No defamation of the Squire was intended.
Rotisserie League sports have that name because of a group of
Philadelphia Phillies fans in early 1980 who gathered at Manhattan's
Rotisserie Francaise restaurant on East 52nd Street for fantasy league
meetings. Special thanks for the ``tragedy ... and party snacks'' line
as well as to my beta testers.
The bit about http://www.nebusresearch.com/mst3000/ is for real
and it'd be nice to see you there, which is not to say anyone is peeking.
Keep circulating the posts.
> START YOU in a Profitable Potato Chip Business At Home
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| Re: MiSTed: I WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO TURN Potatoes into CASH! [ 1 / 1 ] [message #170586 is a reply to message #170481] |
Thu, 01 January 2009 09:59  |
Doug Elrod
Messages: 402
Registered: September 2012
Karma: 0
|
Senior Member |
|
|
On Dec 31 2008, 11:19 am, nebu...@-rpi-.edu (Joseph Nebus) wrote:
[A POTATO-CHIP based MSTing]
Not bad! Thanks!
> The bit abouthttp://www.nebusresearch.com/mst3000/is for real
> and it'd be nice to see you there, which is not to say anyone is peeking.
Ah, http://www.nebusresearch.com/ looks promising. Let me take a go:
-----
[Joel sees a "Cool Thing"]
> What is that?
>
> That is a view of Singapore's Central Business District, as
if such a phrase adequately captured its CENTRALITY and BUSINESSITY!
> taken from about a hundred and fifty meters in the air near
my STOMACH as we approached the final fall on the SPINETOOZLER!
> the popular Bugis Junction. Raffles Hotel is the complex of
having a hotel with far too many RAFFLES to one BUGIS!
> red-roofed buildings at the top of the lower-right corner
of the RED ROOF INN district!
> of the picture, just nearer the viewer than the quartet of
mariachi singers, here for their WORLDWIDE CONVENTION at the Red Roof
Inn.
> diamond-shaped towers in the center-right of the frame. The
mariachis should have KNOWN it was a frame -- those weren't REAL
DIAMONDS!
> picture was taken during the height of the late 2006 haze
left over from the 2005 JIMI HENDRIX MEMORIAL CONVENTION....
> epidemic, so that visibility is of a shorter range than it
would be if the range was NORMAL-HEIGHTED! Try not to BURN YOUR
KNEES!
> otherwise might be. The vantage point was reached by the
clever ploy of climbing on the UNDERSIZED RANGES!
> DHL Balloon, a tourist attraction which opened around
20,000 feet, plunging us to the ground at a DIZZYING RATE!
> August 2006 and provides twenty-minute tethered balloon
.... You might not think that twenty minute-balloons would hold us up.
WELL, THEY DIDN'T! Aaaaaeeeee!
> rides near the legendary New Seventh Storey Hotel, which
curiously, omits the first SIXTH STORIES. It's the latest thing in
ARCHITECTURE!
> opened in its present location in 1954, and which occupies
the crest of a hill which was dug away to leave it SEVEN STORIES UP.
> the entirety of a freestanding structure nine stories tall.
has observation ports to view the ODDITY -- It TAMPERS in GOD'S
DOMAIN!
> There are 6 pictures in the database presently, and one is
the missing frame from the ZAPRUDER film, which the mariachis are HOT
ON THE TRAIL OF, but I digress....
> presented after a random selection each time this page is
flipped to in the JUKEBOX. It's RANDOM, but pretty much all MARIACHI!
> loaded or reloaded.
Is that gun that Neil Diamond is holding LOADED or RELOADED? Do you
feel lucky, mariachis?
-Doug Elrod (dre1@cornell.edu) ;-)
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| Re: MiSTed: I WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO TURN Potatoes into CASH! [ 1 / 1 ] [message #170587 is a reply to message #170481] |
Thu, 01 January 2009 12:12 |
Doug Elrod
Messages: 402
Registered: September 2012
Karma: 0
|
Senior Member |
|
|
On Dec 31 2008, 11:19 am, nebu...@-rpi-.edu (Joseph Nebus) wrote:
[A POTATO-CHIP based MSTing]
Not bad! Thanks!
> The bit abouthttp://www.nebusresearch.com/mst3000/is for real
> and it'd be nice to see you there, which is not to say anyone is peeking.
Ah, http://www.nebusresearch.com/ looks promising. Let me take a go:
-----
[Joel sees a "Cool Thing"]
> What is that?
> That is a view of Singapore's Central Business District, as
if such a phrase adequately captured its CENTRALITY and BUSINESSITY!
> taken from about a hundred and fifty meters in the air near
my STOMACH as we approached the final fall on the SPINETOOZLER!
> the popular Bugis Junction. Raffles Hotel is the complex of
having a hotel with far too many RAFFLES to one BUGIS!
> red-roofed buildings at the top of the lower-right corner
of the RED ROOF INN district!
> of the picture, just nearer the viewer than the quartet of
mariachi singers, here for their WORLDWIDE CONVENTION at the Red Roof
Inn.
> diamond-shaped towers in the center-right of the frame. The
mariachis should have KNOWN it was a frame -- those weren't REAL
DIAMONDS!
> picture was taken during the height of the late 2006 haze
left over from the 2005 JIMI HENDRIX MEMORIAL CONVENTION....
> epidemic, so that visibility is of a shorter range than it
would be if the range was NORMAL-HEIGHTED! Try not to BURN YOUR
KNEES!
> otherwise might be. The vantage point was reached by the
clever ploy of climbing on the UNDERSIZED RANGES!
> DHL Balloon, a tourist attraction which opened around
20,000 feet, plunging us to the ground at a DIZZYING RATE!
> August 2006 and provides twenty-minute tethered balloon
.... You might not think that twenty minute-balloons would hold us up.
WELL, THEY DIDN'T! Aaaaaeeeee!
> rides near the legendary New Seventh Storey Hotel, which
curiously, omits the first SIX STORIES. It's the latest thing in
ARCHITECTURE!
> opened in its present location in 1954, and which occupies
the crest of a hill which was dug away to leave it SEVEN STORIES UP.
> the entirety of a freestanding structure nine stories tall.
has observation ports to view the ODDITY -- It TAMPERS in GOD'S
DOMAIN!
> There are 6 pictures in the database presently, and one is
the missing frame from the ZAPRUDER film, which the mariachis are HOT
ON THE TRAIL OF, but I digress....
> presented after a random selection each time this page is
flipped to in the JUKEBOX. It's RANDOM, but pretty much all MARIACHI!
> loaded or reloaded.
Is that gun that Neil Diamond is holding LOADED or RELOADED? Do you
feel lucky, mariachis?
-Doug Elrod (d...@cornell.edu) ;-)
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| Re: MiSTed: I WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO TURN Potatoes into CASH! [ 1 / 1 ] [message #170704 is a reply to message #170481] |
Wed, 07 January 2009 00:00 |
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Originally posted by: JMShearer
On Dec 31 2008, 11:19 am, nebu...@-rpi-.edu (Joseph Nebus) wrote:
> [ SATELLITE OF LOVE. CROW and TOM, wearing glasses with pencils
> tucked against their heads, are going over a mess of papers, as
> MIKE, wearing a baseball glove and playing with a ball, enters
> and surveys the scene. ]
>
> TOM: 48 out of 152 by my count.
> CROW: Yeah, but there were like a dozen assists.
> TOM: They don't count when you get yelled at for them.
> CROW: They do too! Mike! [ Startling MIKE, who drops the ball. ]
> Tell Tom they count!
> MIKE: Tell Tom what counts and for who's counting, Crow?
> TOM: Oh, don't pad, Mike.
> CROW: Our *statistics*, Mike. We've got to update our statistics
> on riffs attempted, riffs completed, laughs gotten, bobbled
> references, all these things.
> MIKE: And this is important ... why?
> TOM: For our rotisserie league! Sheesh, don't you follow anything?
> MIKE: Constantly. What rotisserie ---
>
> [ MADS SIGN flashes. ]
>
> MIKE: Oh, for the love of ... hello?
>
> [ DEEP 13. TV's FRANK is sitting at a collapsible table with many
> sheets of grid paper and books as he works. DR FORRESTER
> sits opposite him with a small pile of cash. ]
>
> FRANK: So center seat I've got Mike ... left seat I'm going to stick
> with Tom ... right seat ... what do you think, ten bucks for Crow?
> DR F: Absolutely.
> FRANK: [ Handing a bill over to DR F ] All right! I got a team!
> DR F: [ Pocketing the bill ] You've got a rare talent, Frank.
>
> [ DR FORRESTER faces the camera. ]
>
> DR F: Well, now, minions. Did you know everything you can count
> can be turned into money for people who aren't you? It can.
> Now off to the theater and let's generate some statistics,
> mmm? Your game today is an advertisement for potato chip
> manufacture ... riff all you want, boys, we'll make more.
>
> [ SATELLITE OF LOVE. ]
>
> TOM: Did he just Jay Leno all over us?
> CROW: This can only end in tragedy. And party snacks.
>
> [ MOVIE SIGN flashes; general alarm. ]
>
> MIKE: Later, we got movie sign!
>
> [ 6 ... 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... ]
>
> [ THEATER. ALL file in. ]
>
> CROW: All right! Tie game so far!
>
>> MODERN MECHANIX
>
> MIKE: And practical jokes!
> CROW: Like the spelling.
>
>> AND INVENTIONS
>> June 1935
>
> TOM: [ Snorting ] Blazing its way from print, to us, to you.
> MIKE: It's not so much snail-mail as continental-drift-mail.
>
>> http://blog.modernmechanix.com/2006/05/03/turn-potatoes-into -cash/
>
> TOM: Oh, now we've got blog all over the ... potatoes into cash?
> The heck?
>
>
>
>> I WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO TURN Potatoes into CASH!
>
> MIKE: Worst counterfeiting scheme ever.
>
>
>
>> START YOU in a Profitable Potato Chip Business At Home
>
> CROW: [ Taking odd offense ] Yeah? Well ... start *you* in a
> profitable potato chip business at home, then!
>
>
>
>> THE invention of a marvelous new machine
>
> MIKE: Excuse me, that's [ Booming, announcing ]
> *A* marvelous *NEW* machine.
>
>> throws the big
>> potato-chip market wide open again.
>
> TOM: After the big Ruffles-Lays bailout.
>
>> Even if your community is
>> being supplied with old fashioned chips,
>
> CROW: Hand-carved by traditional artisans working under a stern
> but understanding taskmaster.
>
>> I'll show you how to
>> step in and grab the market,
>
> MIKE: [ Booming ] Unless you meet my demands immediately!
> CROW: Won't the potato chip market be all greasy and have that
> salt grit all over your fingers?
>
>> rake the profits into your own
>> pocket.
>
> TOM: I don't have a pocket.
> MIKE: [ Announcing ] I'll show you how to afford a pocket!
> CROW: I don't have a rake.
> MIKE: [ As above ] You'll be able to afford a rake!
> TOM: A pocket rake!
>
>> You simply manufacture and sell to stores at wholesale
>> --- let stores sell for you.
>
> CROW: Stores selling things! Why, it's brilliant!
> MIKE: Oh, now, he's thought of everything.
>
>> I furnish complete plant and
>> exact instructions for making profits the first day.
>
> TOM: [ Announcing ] The fourth, sixth, and ninth days you have
> to wing it!
>
>
>
>> "GREASELESS" Potato Chips Made by New Machine
>
> MIKE: One hundred percent John-Travola-free in minutes!
>
>
>
>> Think of it --- for the first time ---
>
> CROW: They're right! It's amazing! For the first time!
> TOM: Third time it's just kind of `huh'.
>
>> a Potato Chip
>> from which all excess oil has been extracted by my new
>> "wringer".
>
> TOM: [ As the advertiser ] And sold to the worldwide potato oil
> cartels!
>
>> Look better, taste better, stay fresh longer.
>
> CROW: What if I want to stay fresh wider? What then?
>
>> No
>> wonder the public is crazy about this new kind of chip.
>
> MIKE: Potato chips with the great, great taste of guys who
> buy stuff from Modern Mechanics ads.
>
>> No
>> wonder my operators are having such big success,
>
> TOM: And fabulous cash prizes!
>
>> even with no
>> experience.
>
> CROW: Even with no potatoes!
>
>
>
>> BIG PROFITS
>
> MIKE: No, bigger!
> TOM: It's a wild profiteeria!
>
>
>
>> The profits in this business are enormous.
>
> CROW: [ Amused ] They're potato-y chip-tacular!
>
>> You can
>> take $11.50 in raw material
>
> TOM: [ Announcing ] Any raw material! Have some bauxite?
> Make potato chips with that!
>
>> --- run it through the machine
>
> CROW: [ Feebly ] We, ah, we're still working on this part but it's
> going to be great!
>
>> and take out enough chips to bring you $35 cash
>
> MIKE: [ Amused ] Cash or potato chips!
>
>> --- selling at
>> wholesale. A clear profit for your time of $23.50.
>
> TOM: Wow!
> CROW: Why, that's nearly twenty-four dollars!
> MIKE: You can almost buy Manhattan on that potato chip fortune!
>
>> And that's
>> one day's output for the machine.
>
> CROW: [ Humoring this ] Why, in two days you could make a profit
> of $47!
>
>> At this rate it is possible
>> for a man and wife working together to make $135.00 a week.
>
> TOM: [ Humoring ] Hey, that's a whole twenty-*seven* dollars a day!
> MIKE: [ As the announcer ] The money is just pouring in! And it's
> just potatoes and bauxite!
>
>> And now the complete plant --- with my new machine ---
>
> CROW: I call it ... the POTATO machine!
> MIKE: It's amazingly fantastic and chip-based!
>
>> can be
>> put into your kitchen or basement
>
> TOM: Or toss it immediately on the pile for the garage sale.
>
>> for less than the down
>> payment on a cheap car.
>
> MIKE: Far less than the payment for a whole car company!
>
>
>
>> SEND POSTAL FOR FREE INFORMATION
>
> CROW: [ Announcing ] Mail anything to anything else!
> MIKE: [ Likewise ] Just mail something! You'll get valuable
> free information!
> TOM: [ Likewise ] And if you meet a Postal then send it!
>
>
>
>> Send your name and address today on a postal card.
>
> MIKE: [ Announcing ] Include a sample of your favorite potato chip!
>
>> I'll send you pictures
>
> TOM: *Uh*-oh.
>
>> and information free showing exactly how
>> you can start at home and make money the first day.
>
> CROW: Full explanations of what a potato is!
> TOM: Clear diagrams show what parts are the skin!
> MIKE: Helpful ``Frequently Asked Questions'' show how to identify
> a potato in under twenty minutes a day!
>
>> All
>> information is Free.
>
> TOM: We make our money selling potato chip toner!
>
>> No obligation.
>
> MIKE: Just your friends and family rolling their eyes and talking
> to you through clenched teeth!
>
>
>
>> O. K. MILLER,
>
> TOM: Didn't he have a series on Mutual Broadcasting?
>
>> 325 W. Huron St.,
>
> CROW: Here on Huron?
> TOM: Huron chips!
>
>> Dept. 406 Chicago,
>> Illinois
>
> MIKE: Chicago! Potato chip by the Lake!
> CROW: 406 potato chips by the Lake!
> TOM: Time to blow this popsicle stand.
>
> [ 1 ... 2 ... 3 ... 4 ... 5 ... 6 ... ]
>
> [ SATELLITE OF LOVE. CROW and MIKE are behind the desk, with General
> Store-type toy junk scattered haphazardly. From one plastic
> barrel MIKE takes and eats a potato chip. ]
>
> MIKE: [ With an Arkansan accent, kept until the note later on ]
> Well, if this weren't one of the most underwhelmed p'tato chips
> I ever did see.
> CROW: [ Similar accent, also kept until the note ] I doggies, Lum,
> I knowed it, but what are we s'pposed to do 'gainst the Squire's
> p'tato chip monopoly?
> MIKE: [ As a jingling bell rings ] Hold on there, that's a stranger
> come into our store, ain't it?
> [ TOM, with a bouquet of potato chips in his bubble, enters; he speaks
> normally but ebulliently. ]
> TOM: Gentlemen! Could I interest you in as many potato chips as I
> have bauxite to make and pass the savings on to you? Please try
> a sample --- my bubble is perfectly hygienic!
> [ MIKE samples a chip. ]
> MIKE: By gum --- this here 'tato chip tastes like more than p'tatoes!
> CROW: Now, that's plum silly, how can that happen?
> MIKE: [ Giving CROW a chip ] But it's got itself a tasting like they
> was sour cream and chives in it! Chives!
> TOM: Yes! I bring you chives! And at under twenty-three dollars!
> CROW: [ Finishing nibbling ] Why if it weren't the most amazing thing
> I ever did see! What a future we got ourselves to live in!
> TOM: And we are near a breakthrough on dip!
> MIKE: [ Folding his hands together, and, bowing --- with this, MIKE
> and CROW give up the accents and resume speaking normally ]
> And ... scene.
> [ Eating another chip from TOM ] Thank
> ...
>
> read more »
It was sure nice to see a brand new MiSTing after all these years. It
looks like you've got an interesting site, and I'm especially pleased
that there's a MiSTing archive there. I like the WSN9 feel to it.
I've got a ton of questions, but I'd feel a little pushy and rude
asking them all at once.
--Jesse
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| Re: MiSTed: I WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO TURN Potatoes into CASH! [ 1 / 1 ] [message #170705 is a reply to message #170587] |
Wed, 07 January 2009 14:59 |
nebusj-
Messages: 623
Registered: September 2012
Karma: 0
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Senior Member |
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Doug Elrod <dre1@cornell.edu> writes:
> On Dec 31 2008, 11:19 am, nebu...@-rpi-.edu (Joseph Nebus) wrote:
> [A POTATO-CHIP based MSTing]
> Not bad! Thanks!
>> The bit abouthttp://www.nebusresearch.com/mst3000/is for real
>> and it'd be nice to see you there, which is not to say anyone is peeking.
> Ah, http://www.nebusresearch.com/ looks promising. Let me take a go:
It's pretty much a bare promise at this point; my goal was
more or less to figure out various database and php things that could
be worked out, and so far I've completed exactly one project. But I
have got a vision for the Internet Gimmick To Earn Me A Goojillion
Dollars In A Google Buyout, though, so I should probably get to work
on that.
> -----
> [Joel sees a "Cool Thing"]
>> What is that?
>> That is a view of Singapore's Central Business District, as
> if such a phrase adequately captured its CENTRALITY and BUSINESSITY!
It really is central, incidentally, about as near the middle
of the island, longitudinally, as is reasonable. They're pretty good
about naming things accurately.
>> picture was taken during the height of the late 2006 haze
> left over from the 2005 JIMI HENDRIX MEMORIAL CONVENTION....
See, you probably thought you were joking. But this is a
city where I encountered a guy dressed in a badger costume that was
itself dressed as a Scottish Highlander, playing bagpipes, marching
along the main shopping avenue. This can't happen under sensible
circumstances.
>> DHL Balloon, a tourist attraction which opened around
> 20,000 feet, plunging us to the ground at a DIZZYING RATE!
Yes, and this is why staring at the tether leading to the
ground is not recommended.
>> August 2006 and provides twenty-minute tethered balloon
> ... You might not think that twenty minute-balloons would hold us up.
> WELL, THEY DIDN'T! Aaaaaeeeee!
Heeheeee ... ...........
>> rides near the legendary New Seventh Storey Hotel, which
> curiously, omits the first SIX STORIES. It's the latest thing in
> ARCHITECTURE!
Again you surely thought this was a joke, but: the Central
Library, at the National University of Singapore, has no first,
second, or third storeys apart from a stairwell and elevator shaft.
Its lowest full floor is the fourth storey, and the main entrance
is on the fifth storey.
Even more weirdly, given the circumstances, this design
choice makes a fair bit of sense.
>> opened in its present location in 1954, and which occupies
> the crest of a hill which was dug away to leave it SEVEN STORIES UP.
Come to think of it, there are a few other buildings that do
skip the first storey as the ground rises, when they want to maintain
consistency with adjacent (and attached) other buildings.
>> loaded or reloaded.
> Is that gun that Neil Diamond is holding LOADED or RELOADED? Do you
> feel lucky, mariachis?
> -Doug Elrod (d...@cornell.edu) ;-)
I am indeed feeling reasonably lucky, thank you.
--
Joseph Nebus
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| Re: MiSTed: I WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO TURN Potatoes into CASH! [ 1 / 1 ] [message #170706 is a reply to message #170704] |
Wed, 07 January 2009 15:16 |
nebusj-
Messages: 623
Registered: September 2012
Karma: 0
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Senior Member |
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JMShearer <ambasosor_lardo@hotmail.com> writes:
> It was sure nice to see a brand new MiSTing after all these years.
Glad you like it. There was a new fellow writing MiSTing here
a couple of months ago but he seems to be otherwise occupied, alas ...
I am hoping to return to writing MiSTings of shorter bits that
won't be such massive and unfinishable projects; it's more fun, even if
it makes the host sketches more challenging.
> It
> looks like you've got an interesting site, and I'm especially pleased
> that there's a MiSTing archive there. I like the WSN9 feel to it.
Thank you. I started out with the explicit goal of something
that looked enough like Web Site Number Nine for everyone who has very
nearly given up on Mike Neylon's weekend move of the server to be
finished up soon --- in fact, the MiSTings that have 'user ratings' are
ones where I could find the rating data in saved stuff from Web Site
Number Nine.
When I get some coding issues on the extra features sorted out
(particularly, to let the authorized add notes of annotation to the
MiSTings) I hope to go in earnest to putting up salvaged MiSTings, the
better to get an angry note from someone who'd hoped his youthful
foolishness of writing or mocking Sonic the Hedgehog had been lost to
the bit-buckets and archive.org.
(I'm lacking a really good name; it feels a little *too*
presumptuous to dub it 'Web Site Number Nine' or anything too near
that, but the only really appealing alternate I've hit on is
'Still-Store', which feels too temporary and indistinct.)
> I've got a ton of questions, but I'd feel a little pushy and rude
> asking them all at once.
You can ask, though. Some of them may even have answers.
--
Joseph Nebus
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| Re: MiSTed: I WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO TURN Potatoes into CASH! [ 1 / 1 ] [message #170934 is a reply to message #170706] |
Sun, 11 January 2009 01:00 |
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Originally posted by: JMShearer
On Jan 7, 2:16 pm, nebu...@-rpi-.edu (Joseph Nebus) wrote:
> JMShearer <ambasosor_la...@hotmail.com> writes:
>
>> I've got a ton of questions, but I'd feel a little pushy and rude
>> asking them all at once.
>
> You can ask, though. Some of them may even have answers.
>
> --
> Joseph Nebus
> ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------
Sorry it's taken me this long to get back to you on this. Was having
problems with my connection the last couple days.
From the looks of your reply, it looks like you've hit the real biggie
I had. It'll be nice to see some of the old stuff come back, and
maybe add some diversity to what's archived at EWIC. The only other
thing that's really stuck with me the last couple days is if you've
got a ballpark idea for when you might be opening up for brand new
outside contributions. Not that there's much of a rush, I think.
Just curious, is all. Thanks again for the new MiSTing and the site.
--Jesse
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| Re: MiSTed: I WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO TURN Potatoes into CASH! [ 1 / 1 ] [message #170937 is a reply to message #170934] |
Wed, 14 January 2009 09:33 |
nebusj-
Messages: 623
Registered: September 2012
Karma: 0
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Senior Member |
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JMShearer <ambasosor_lardo@hotmail.com> writes:
> Sorry it's taken me this long to get back to you on this. Was having
> problems with my connection the last couple days.
I'm running behind on, well, everything myself anyway.
> From the looks of your reply, it looks like you've hit the real biggie
> I had. It'll be nice to see some of the old stuff come back, and
> maybe add some diversity to what's archived at EWIC. The only other
> thing that's really stuck with me the last couple days is if you've
> got a ballpark idea for when you might be opening up for brand new
> outside contributions. Not that there's much of a rush, I think.
> Just curious, is all. Thanks again for the new MiSTing and the site.
Thank you kindly. I do mean to open it up for brand-new
submissions, and in fact have the code in place to let people other
than me submit MiSTings into the archive (and also to put in quotes
for the front page, and --- I'm still working on getting this one
right --- little annotative notes). Mostly I just have to remember
some details about internal structure that's, honestly, not all that
interesting to explain.
--
Joseph Nebus
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