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Dune [message #112848] Mon, 16 September 2013 13:55
charles is currently offline  charles
Messages: 8
Registered: March 2013
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Message-ID: <171@uw70.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 27-Dec-84 12:18:48 EST
Article-I.D.: uw70.171
Posted: Thu Dec 27 12:18:48 1984
Date-Received: Sat, 29-Dec-84 02:44:58 EST
Lines: 91


Since the movie is out, it is appropriate to reprint the following parody 
that first appeared in net.jokes several months ago:


The Associated Press yesterday released information concerning the near
completion of the movie version of Frank Herbert's "Dune".  They neglected
to announce any casting information, so we at Mellon Institute thought
that we would fill this gap with our own suggestions:


Baron Harkonnen		Jackie Gleason
	("One of these days, Leto, a one way trip to 'da doon.  To
	 'da doon, Leto!")

Emperor Shaddam		Ricardo Montalbon
	("Ah, Reverend Mother, are you aware of the old Ixian proverb that
	 says, 'Melange is a dish best served cold'?  You know, it is very
	 cold in spice.")

Duke Leto		Marlon Brando
	(pretentious, overbearing, has the respect of his men, and you only
	 see him for the first 15 minutes of the film.  "Paul, my son, you
	 are going to another planet.  No wait, I did this line before...")

Reverend Mother		Joan Rivers
	("Can we tawk?  You wanna tawk?  Here, stick your hand in this box...")

Liet Kynes		Ben Haggerty
	(man of the wild, knows everything about exobiology, but has a very
	 common sense way of looking at things.  "Well, see, this sandtrout
	 is, like, kind of like a vector, you see.  He, uh, has this, um...")

Gurney Hallek		Alec Karras
	("Gurney just pawn in game of life.")

Sandworm		Frank Oz

Stilgar			Harrison Ford
	("Shields may be one thing kid, but the sandworms will turn you into
	 lunchmeat in a minute.  Give me chrysknife in a tight spot anyday.")

Doctor Yueh		Hunter S. Thompson
	(See also his treatise "Fear and Loathing on Arrakis")

Count Fenring		Marty Feldman			
	("I was the Sisterhoods closest attempt at the Kwisatz Haderach.
	 They got everything right except my future sight is a bit cockeyed.
	 They call me the Ersatz Haderach.")

Paul Muad'Dib		Muhhamed Ali
	("I float like an ornithopter, and I sting like a hunter-seeker.
	 I'm the prettiest duke-apparent, and the protector of the weaker.
	 And if you mess with my Fremen, you better call on your Guard,
	 C'oz I'll make you a target on my righteous Jihad.")

Princess Irulan		Loni Anderson
	(We don't care if she can act, we just want to see her in an
	Imperial Bikini.)

Chani			Susan St. James
	(Ditto.)

Feyd Rautha		Tom Selleck
	(We have to be fair.)

Lady Jessica		Nancy Walker
	("So.  You killed him.  You proud of yourself?  My son, the killer.
	 Oy, what would your father (may he rest in peace) say?")

Thufir Hawat		Hymie
	("My first line approximation is for goodness and niceness.")

Beast Rabban		Bruce Weitz
	("Okay, hairbag.  It's into the arena with you!")

Jamis			David Carradine
	("So grasshopper, you know about slipstyle boots.  Big deal.  Let's
	 see how you hold up in a tahaddi-challenge.")

Shadout Mapes		Eddie Murphy
	("'Dis here's mah' castle, see, an' I don' wan' no dumbass honkeys
	 fum Caladan messin' wif it, you hear?")

The theme song will be sung by Chrystal Gayle.
	("Don't it make my brown eyes blue?")


			  Charles E. Camisa
			  Geophysics Department
			  University of Washington
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