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[MSTing][X-Over] Family Matters - Part III [message #92815] Sun, 30 June 2013 21:03
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> A/N: Hello my lovely readers!


ALL : Meh.

> I hope you all are enjoying your holidays.


BILL : Which one?
MIKE : All of them.

> Sorry I couldn't update sooner. I had 4 major projects due for the

> same class and now there all turned in and done!


KEVIN: I'm guessing English wasn't one of them.

> I can't tell you how many all- nighters I have had.


BILL : Braggard.

> I would have updated this yesterday but I was out all day

> celebrating my two friends' birthdays but one was at Long Beach

> California, but still.


BILL : I thought I was kidding about the bragging...

> This chapter is dedicated to my two friends whose birthdays were

> yesterday, December 23 and we had a lot of fun. And it is dedicated

> even more to my lovely reviewer: Phantombrick, xb0bugurl129, and

> soulless creature. This is a Christmas present or whatever holiday

> you are celebrating present to you guys and my readers.


MIKE : When did this turn into her Facebook?

> BTW: I forgot to mention that Sirius did not die.I thought it was

> too sad for him to die when I read the 5th book, so in my story he

> did not die.


KEVIN: [Author] The holes this would shoot through the last two
books? Meh! Who cares!

> And just for convinence, Cedric did die. Sorry, but how weird

> would that be if Edward and Cedric met and they looked EXACTLY

> alike? (I am assuming that you have watched both movies because

> Cedric and Edward are both played by the same actor)


BILL : Except you thought Gildroy Lockhart looked like Edward.
You're not exactly scoring points, here.

> It would be funny, but not the point of the story, so Cedric did

> get killed by Voldemort.


MIKE : And I'm sure that bit of information will be vital to our
later reading enjoyment!

> Disclaimer: I forgot to put the disclaimer on the last chapter so

> this disclaimer is for both chapters 2 and 3. I do not own

> Twilight, Harry Potter, and Buffy, Pirates of the Caribbean or any

> other character. They belong to Stephanie Meyer, J.K. Rowling, WB

> Network, and Disney.

>

> I hope you like it!


BILL : More doubtful by the minute!

> Chapter Three: Attacks and Greetings.


KEVIN: George Lucas' failed line of Hallmark cards.

> BELLA'S POINT OF VIEW

>

> I am currently in Edward's Volvo with Alice and Jasper. Rosalie,

> Emmett, Esme, and Carlisle have decided to take Emmett's Jeep.


MIKE : And the reason you all didn't get on a plane and fly to
Sunnydale was? Isn't time of the essence now?
BILL : You can't have WACKY ROADTRIP HIJINKS in a private jet.
MIKE : You know what you can have? A short trip.

> They are following us as we are driving through Oregon. Alice was a

> bit pissed off because I took the phone away from her while she was

> talking to Buffy. Good thing Jasper is with us because she has

> calmed down but can't stop bouncing in her seat. I was saving my

> sister from the evil little pixie that is Alice. I guess she will

> have to meet her soon enough, but I will let her have a bit of

> peace and quiet before she meets Alice.


KEVIN: I... assume that was supposed to be funny?
MIKE : I don't recall Alice being this vapid and annoying before.
Granted, most of my memories of Twilight involve Kristen
Stewart and Robert Pattinson standing around looking vaguely
confused.

> Edward was holding my hand while driving and I was watching the

> scenery pass by through the window.


BILL : [Bella] He was watching me in that creepy, emontionless way
of his. *SIGH* How I love that man!

> We were going at least 100 miles per hour, which still made me a

> little uneasy but I'm used to it.


MIKE : [Bella] Mortal peril only I am vulnerable to. Meh.

> I just barely noticed that we passed the sign that read "Welcome

> to California." It wouldn't be long now, until we get to Sunnydale.


BILL : They ever figure out just where the hell Sunnydale is -
other than "in California?"
KEVIN: I think it's next to Springfield, just south of Quahog.

> I guess I had dozed off because the next thing I knew, I was being

> shaken awake by Edward and we were parked in a familiar driveway.

> As Edward held the door open I can hear someone yelling out from

> the house.


MIKE : [Buffy] It sounded like "Dang smoochers?"

> And it sounded a lot like….OH NO!

>

> A/N: I was going to cut it off there, but then I remembered that

> it's the holidays. This part is for you, Silvara713. Thanks for the

> idea!


BILL : [teeth gritted] Yes. Thank you, Silvara713...

> EMMETT'S POINT OF VIEW


MIKE : And the choir sang "Which one is he, again?"

> (THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN!)


ALL : DOUBT IT!

> trying to wake my new little sister up. Alice was acting strange.

> We had finally parked in the driveway of Bella's sister's house. It

> was a nice house. When I got out of the car, I saw that Edward was


KEVIN: So acting like a undead Pinkie Pie is normal for her?

> She didn't run up to the front door to meet her next Barbie dress

> up doll as I had expected. She was just standing there, looking at

> me with the biggest grin on her face that was starting to freak me

> out.


BILL : [Emmitt] Yeesh... Serious Joker face.

> It was taking Edward forever to wake up his wife and I couldn't

> wait to meet my new sister-in-law, so I made my way to the front

> door. I stood in front of the door and rang the door bell. About

> three minutes of waiting, the door swung open revealing a girl who

> I was assuming was Bella's sister, Buffy.


MIKE : Giles never lived that incident down.

> She didn't look very much like Bella as I had suspected.


KEVIN: [Emmitt] It was like they were completely unrelated people!

> She had blonde hair instead of brown and crystal blue eyes instead

> of brown. She had the same heart shaped face and nose.


BILL : In other words, she was actually pretty, rather than
allegedly pretty.

> I wonder if she is as clumsy as Bella, too. I hope so. I mean,

> wouldn't it be funny to have TWO Bella's falling all the time?! WAY

> BETTER THAN TELEVISION!


MIKE : I think Emmitt is dipping into whatever is making Alice go
all WACKYRANDOM!

> I wonder if I can make her out of breath to? Let's find out.


KEVIN: Going in cold to surprise the vampire slayer. I see nothing
wrong with this plan!

> I ran towards her with open arms and the next thing I knew, she had

> put me in a head lock and I was staring at the ceiling. I was then

> blinded and couldn't see. I began to panic and yelled out for my

> Rosie.


BILL : Emmitt Cullen: Immortal Vampire Puss!

> BUFFY'S POINT OF VIEW


KEVIN: [Buffy] Some big pretty vamp just tried to bear hug me at my
front door. I guess I killed off all the smart ones.

> I must have fallen asleep while staying up to wait for Bella to

> come because I was woken up from the sound of the door bell

> ringing. Angel must have left and laid a blanket on top of me while

> I fell asleep on the couch in the living room. I lazily took the

> blanket off and walked sleepily to the front door to see who was

> bothering me at this time of the morning.


MIKE : She said, drowsily.
BILL : [Buffy] I swear if that's another Jehovah's Witness, the "no
killing humans" rule is gettin' broke hard!

> When I opened the door, I saw a big man standing there. And when I

> mean big, I mean B-I-G, BIG! He was huge! He had curly brown hair

> and GINORMOUS muscles! Is ginormous even a word? Well it is now.


KEVIN: That's what's been bugging me about this fic: Everyone's
trying to sound like Buffy and failing!
MIKE : That's what bugged you?
KEVIN: Not the only thing, granted...

> He had a friendly smile plastered on face before all of a sudden

> his expression became a determined one. Then out of now where he

> rushed towards me with powerful force and in a quick pace. But he

> wasn't quick enough because I soon put him in a headlock and

> flipped him over my shoulder and he landed on the wood floor with a

> loud thud.


BILL : His head coming off is the only way I can visualize that
scenario.

> His face was soon pressed against the wood floor, his arms twisted

> to be handcuffed by my hands behind his back.


MIKE : And an entire genre of fanfiction was born.
KEVIN: You make it sound like "Buffy beat me up" wasn't already a
thing.
BILL : Hell, "Sarah Michelle Gellar beat me up" is a thing!

> "Help!! Someone help!! Bella's crazy sister is going to kill me!!

> Help!! Rose, help me!! If any of you love me, help!! HHHEELLLPPP!!"

> yelled out the big guy under me.


KEVIN: And the cast of True Blood shows up just to mock this guy.

> Then I looked at the doorway to see a beautiful blonde girl leaning

> on the door frame, laughing at the guy, with her arms folded across

> her chest. Then a small spiky, dark haired girl who looked like a

> child joined the blonde girl and giggle at the scene.


ALL : TEE HEE!

> Behind her was a tall blonde male who also looked amused about the

> situation. Soon a caramel hair woman and a blonde man also joined

> us. They both looked highly amused,


ALL : We are highly amused!

> but didn't say a thing. Then I heard a familiar voice that I would

> know anywhere.


MIKE : James Earl Jones?
KEVIN: John Fascenda?
BILL : Honey Boo-Boo?

> "Hey guys? What are you guys looking at?" The crowd of people

> slowly parted so there was a clear view of my sister standing there

> with a bronze haired guy behind her who look like he found the

> scene comical.


MIKE : [Edward] I find this amusing. Ha.

> "Bella?" I asked confused. She then looked directly at me,

> surprised, Then she looked at the guy underneath me and busted out

> laughing. I think I still had that confused look on my face,

> because I really was confused.


BILL : The preceeding lines brought to you by the Department of
Redundancy Department.

> After her fit of laughter, she ran up to me and gave me a tight

> hug.


KEVIN: [Bella] How's my favorite violent pixie?

> "I know you promised to try and not attack my husband, but now I

> remember you not promising to attack my brother-in-law," Bella

> giggle- whispered in my ear and helped me stand up.


ALL : [whispering] Tee-hee!

> "Ugh..finally! Man, this girl really knows how to hurt a guy's

> ego," groaned the big guy that was on the floor. He then stood up

> and walked over to the blonde. "Why thanks Rose. I definitely know

> how much you love me now," he huffed.


MIKE : [Rose] I love you; I just love seeing you humiliated more!

> "Hey Buffy? What was all of that commotion?"a voice asked from

> behind me. I turned around to see everyone was there, staring at

> the front door. The people at the door were staring intently back.


BILL : I have the sneaking suspicion she doesn't actually know
their names.
MIKE : Bella or the author?
BILL : Yes.

> "Err. Hey guys. Long time no see?" Bella asked, trying to cut the

> tension in the room.


KEVIN: This is tension? I've seen more tension than this at my
son's third-grade recital.
BILL : To be fair, you showed up for that in a bathrobe and boxers.
KEVIN: They said "dress comfortably", and I held them to that!

> "BELLA!"everyone chorused


ALL : NORM!

> and rushed over to us. She was embraced in hugs and asked questions

> of what had happened since they have last talked and that they

> should catch up. After hugging everyone, she dragged me by the arm

> to the front door where the other people were standing.


MIKE : [Buffy] Why are hanging around with Sokka and Cedric
Diggory?

> "Err. Buffy? I would like to introduce you to the in-laws.


KEVIN: [Bella] "In-laws - not 'a target-rich environment.'"

> This is Rosalie and her husband, Emmett."-she pointed to the tall

> blonde girl and the big guy that was on the floor.-"This is Alice

> and her husband, Jasper."-she pointed to the little spiky hair girl

> and the blonde guy that was behind her.


BILL : [Bella] Ignore the bouncing. She snacked on some tweakers
before we drove down.

> She looked like she would explode any moment with her bouncing in

> place.-"This is Carlisle and Esme, Edward's parents."-she points to

> the other blonde male and the caramel haired woman.-


BILL : She knows that they're not really Edward's parents, right?
MIKE : Again - Bella or the author?
BILL : Again - yes.

> "And this is my husband, Edward."-she points to the bronze haired

> guy in the back. I smiled at them apologetically.


KEVIN: [Buffy] Full disclosure: My urge to slay is, like, twice as
strong around your husband.

> They smiled back at me and then the small pixie-like girl, Alice I

> think her name was, surprised me by jumping on me to give hug. Her

> husband, I think Jasper was his name, pried her off me

> apologetically. I turned to look directly at Rosalie and Emmett.


MIKE : [Buffy] How have you bunch not been slaughtered by other
vampires by now?

> "I am terribly sorry for attacking you before Emmett. I was asleep

> and you woke me up. I am not usually a morning person, but I can

> get up when I need to. And plus, I wouldn't have attacked you if

> you hadn't tried to ram into me. What was that for anyways?" I

> said.


BILL : Only that last part actually sounds like Buffy.
MIKE : Buffy not trying to sound as stiff and unnatural as
possible, anyway.

> Emmett didn't say anything. I heard a chuckle and look to the

> direction it came from. Surprisingly, it came from Edward. I raised

> an eyebrow to him as a signal as to ask what was funny.


KEVIN: And to say "I can do the same to you, Pretty Boy."

> "He rammed into you because he was wondering if you were like Bella

> and wanted to see if he can make you out of breath by giving you a

> monster hug like he always does to Bella," Edward replied with a

> smile. I smiled and laughed.


BILL : [Buffy] Ha ha ha! That makes no goddamned sense!

> "I am sorry to disappoint, but Bella and I aren't very much alike.


MIKE : [Buffy] I'm genuinely likeable, for one thing.

> I don't have balance issues and I'm most of the time a step ahead

> of things. But Bella does have a secret. I taught her how to do

> self-defense. Against vampires, but it seems to me that you are

> different," I spoke, examining them.


KEVIN: I'm pretty sure anything that lets you defend yourself
against vampires will work on most anything else.

> "Yeah, she did. Harry taught us how to use magic in self-defense,

> too," Bella added.


BILL : [Edward] So - again - you had all these skills and
abilites... Which you refused to use in your own defense?
MIKE : [Bella] I don't understand the question...

> I nodded as I waited for her to continue on for what she taught us,

> but she didn't. My sister hasn't changed a bit, not wanting any

> attention towards her.


KEVIN: Little late for that, I think.

> "Aren't you forgetting anything, Bella? You did teach Harry and I a

> thing or two. After all, you were Uncle Jack's favorite, even

> though Mom was against him for being around us too often," I said.


BILL : [Lisa Simpson] I know the words, but together they make no
sense!

> "I don't think they would be very interested and it was not very

> important," Bella muttered.


MIKE : [quickly] She's right let's move on!

> "Please Bella! I want to know! Come on! Pretty please!" Alice gave

> her the puppy dog look and I knew immediately that she would cave.


KEVIN: [Bella] He taught me Morris dancing, alright?
BILL : The thought of Kristen Stewart Morris dancing is oddly
appealing.

> "Ugh, fine. Uncle Jack taught me how to be a pirate, like mom. And

> dad and Uncle Jack taught me how to sword fight," Bella mumbled.


KEVIN: [Edward] Again - you didn't even mention those skills when
WE were fighting for YOUR life.
MIKE : [Bella] ...What's your point?

> Bella was a great pirate, Harry was a great wizard, and I was a

> great slayer and had the most knowledge of mythical/magical

> creatures. We made a great team.


MIKE : For a Monkey Island game, maybe.
BILL : Yet again - I'd play that!

> And the best thing that made us stronger was that we can

> communicate through our minds. It does come in handy now and then.


KEVIN: How handy can it be if you're still using phones and STILL
having to meet face-to-face to discuss things?
MIKE : [Bella] ACKNOWLEDGE MY CONTRIVED AWESOME, DAMN YOU!

> "That is so COOL! Bella, you just HAVE to teach me how to be a

> pirate! I would be the best pirate EVER!" Emmett demanded and was

> giddy as a school girl.


BILL : Being a pirate is easy. Take a bunch of crack addicts, give
them a boat, AK-47s and machetes. Boom! Pirates! Not as
glamourous as you'd think, though.

> "Err, maybe later, Emmett. Maybe when we meet back up with Harry,

> I'll teach you to be a pirate then, okay? I don't have my swords

> with me, they are all with Harry in London,"


KEVIN: Because swords don't exist anywhere else on Earth.

> Bella tried to reason. Emmett's face had dropped down dramatically

> and I think Bella noticed too. "But I can promise you, that when we

> get there that my brother would be able to make you fly in the air

> just like Superman and maybe he willgive you a ride on his broom.


MIKE : [Emmett] So when, exactly, did I turn into an eight year-old
to you?
BILL : That sounded way dirtier than it was probably meant to.

> If I remember correctly, Uncle Sirius got him a new broom awhile

> ago.


KEVIN: The "alive because I felt like it" Sirius...

> Oh, I wonder if he still has mine. I hope so or I have to go shop

> at Diagon Alley to buy a new one and-." Bella gasped just then and

> clamped her hand over her mouth. Did I just say "shopping" in front

> of Alice?! Bella thought and sent me the message.


[Bugle call of "Charge"]

ALL : CHAAAAARGE IT!

> "AAAHHH! BELLA! WE JUST HAVE TO GO SHOPPING!" Alice began to babble

> on. Jasper put a hand on her shoulder and she calmed down

> immediately.


MIKE : Vampire Nerve Grip applied.

> "I am guessing that you all are tired from your trip. Even if you

> don't sleep, it would be nice to rest before we leave for the

> airport. Your bedrooms are upstairs. Bella, you and your husband

> can share your room. It's still there. Anyway, I am very tired and

> I think Bella is too. So I am going to go to bed. The blood is in

> the fridge,


BILL : [Buffy] Cousin Sookie sent us a fresh case of True Blood.

> you guys help yourselves to any. Good Night. See you all in a bit.

> Coming Angel?" I said that all in one breath. Angel nodded and came

> to my side. I tried to move my legs, but they were too tired.


KEVIN: I thought not being able to walk came *after* bed.
ALL : HI-YOOOO!

> "Angel? Do you mind carrying me?" I asked, my eyes were already

> drooping. In about a second, I felt myself becoming airborne and

> the sounds of Angel's heavy steps up the staircase.


MIKE : Rhett and Scarlett, they are not.

> "So that was an…. interesting introduction." Angel said as he

> placed me in our bed and tucked the covers over me.


BILL : "Our bed..." This is the same woman who threw a fit when
told her sister married a vampire.
MIKE : Maybe she was worried a church wedding would make the groom
and his family explode?

> "mhmm," I murmured as I felt the bed sink in a bit on the other

> side. Angel kissed me on the top of my head and I fell into a deep

> sleep.


KEVIN: [Buffy] And then, he indulged in his "Sleeping Beauty"
fantasies that we pretend I don't know about.
MIKE : Thank you for that, Kevin.
KEVIN: Live to serve!

> A/N: So what do you guys think?


ALL : Not much.

> You like? Please review!


BILL : I would, but I'm guessing repeating "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
STOP" would be too useful to you.

> It would be the best Christmas present you guys could ever give

> me!!


MIKE : Aim high, girl!

> It doesn't take that long. Just click the review button and tell me

> what you think. It would only take at least 2 minutes, 4 minutes

> tops! PLEASE!


ALL : NO!

--
My name is Freezer and my anti-drug is porn.
http://freezer.livejournal.com/
http://mst3kfreezer.livejournal.com/
@allhailfreezer
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