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From: eviladam@eviladam.com
Date: Wed Dec 25 12:15:28 EST 2002
Subject:  


Merry X-mas all... i guess!

The Real Meaning of Chirstmas
by Evil Adam aka Rene Rosa

There once was an old lady 
who lived in a shoe
She thought that this Christmas
She'd have nothing to do.
Her kids had all grown
And moved out, except one
And to him this Clause thing
Just seemed like no fun.

He'd rather pull wings 
Off of insects that fly.
Or shoot ice balloons
At the shoe's passers bye.
He hated the thought
Of a fat guy with gifts.
He enjoyed Elmer's glue
And anything he could sniff.

The old lady grew older
And weaker as well.
Her lone boy made her more sad
But who could she tell?
Her other kids busy
With lives of their own,
She sat there so somber
Though she was not alone.

She thought to herself
"What the hell could I do?"
"My poor boy hates Christmas,
Could he be a Jew?"
She made him a dreidel,
Handmade from good clay.
She waited and waited,
But he would not play.

"What else can I try?"
She thought to herself.
"He hates the fat bastard,
The red overgrown elf!"
She wanted to show
What she'd shown the others before.
Christmas can be fun,
Not just religion is it for.

"Kwanza!" she thought.
"Maybe that's what he likes!"
"But look at my kid"
"He's 3 shades paler than white!"
She wondered and thought 
And wondered some more.
She wondered what all 
This wondering was for!

"Wait, what am I doing?!"
"I'm such and old twit!"
"I'll ask what's the matter,
That should surely do it!"
So she knocked on his door
"Who is it?" he said.
"Who else do you think?"
"A fat white guy in Red?"

"What do you want mother dear? 
I'm tired can't you see?"
Can't a Christmas go by
Without you pestering me?"
"What's the matter?" she asked
"Why the 'tude for this season?"
"Must I elaborate?" he asked.
"Do I really need a reason?

"I don't like Christmas,
And that is just that!"
"This ain't no Dr. Seuss!"
"I'm no Cat in the hat!"
"I'm not the Grinch,
Nor Sam I am not!"
"I don't like Christmas cold."
"I don't like Christmas hot."

"I know you don't like"
"But please tell me why!"
"Each year the same thing,"
"And I feel like I've died!"
He looked up at her
With anger in his eyes.
"If you really must know,
You won't like why!"

"I hate this holiday
Only cause of you!
The crap gifts that you give,
The stupid things that you do!"
Don't wake me at 5
To give me a tie!
I need my damn sleep
Just please let me lie!

No holiday fits me
Not one do I like!
But maybe just maybe,
Had I gotten that bike
I asked for 8 years ago
And now 8 have passed.
What's the point of Christmas
When you don't get what's asked?

Tis the season to lie!
Santa is fake.
No one even likes
To eat the damn fruit cake!
More people die
This time of the year!
And for that I should be
So damn full of cheer?

I tell you what,
Since I'm so damn nice
Let's make a deal,
If that will suffice!
I'll get you stuff
If you get me stuff to.
That's a real Christmas
At least what people do.

It's selfish and crappy
Just like its religion.
If it wasn't so cold
I'd rather go fishin!
But since that's not 
A choice this one time.
There's a gift downstairs.
Just one that's not mine.

The lady was shocked!
Who could it be for?
Who could it be from?
Did they come through the door?
She went back downstairs
And looked under the tree.
"Oh my goodness oh my!"
"This presents for me!"

She opened the gift,
And much to her surprise
It was from her son
She couldn't believe her eyes!
It was the best gift
She ever did get
It was useful when dry,
And came in handy when wet.

It was a good gift
For anyone at all
Especially from someone
Who liked Christmas not at all.
"Why did you get this?"
She asked her scrooge son.
"You never did before,
Never Christmas, not one!"

"Well mom as you see,
All these chirstmas' past,
I'd been saving it all
For my one chirstmas last!"
"I don't understand" 
She shook her old head.
"Smile bitch" he laughed
"Cause soon we'll be dead"

The gift he had given
Was still wrapped in its box
What she thought was a paperweight
Now ticked like most clocks!
"No!" she screamed.
"Wait, how can this be?"
"You shouldn't have been so cheap"
He cackled.
"At least not with me"

And right then and there
Christmas went with a bang.
All around town,
Leather flew here and there.
The shoe pieces fell
 > From the snowy pink sky.
The police wondered how
The coroners wondered why.
But now you all know
The secrets of Christmas.
If someone gives you stuff
You better get them good gifts!

Seizure later,
Evil Adam aka Rene Rosa
http://www.mp3.com/eviladam
http://www.eviladam.com



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From: l-c-r-ant@woh.rr.com
Date: Wed Dec 25 17:36:44 EST 2002
Subject: Re: 


Um.... I hope I'm not the only person who thinks that poem was just a little
more than uncalled for....



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From: Grant428@aol.com
Date: Wed Dec 25 17:46:14 EST 2002
Subject: Re: 


 >  Um.... I hope I'm not the only person 

You're not...I thought it was uncalled for as well.  Not clever nor humorous, 
it just was just...um...repulsive.  I initially thought it was going to be a 
nice, little Christmas Turbo homage...that sure as heck wasn't what it turned 
out to be!



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From: steril@cox.net
Date: Thu Dec 26 01:02:04 EST 2002
Subject: Re: 


wow. that was lame. i wasn't even offended. it was just stupid. try harder
next time.

abe m.



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