|MiSTed: The Tale of Fatty Raccoon, Chapter XII (1 / 1) [message #404608]
||Thu, 21 January 2021 17:59
Registered: September 2012
> FORTY FAT TURKEYS
CROW: If the Twelve Day of Christmas *never ended*.
> When Jasper Jay told Fatty Raccoon about Farmer Green's forty fat
TOM: Jasper was being a gossip.
> Fatty felt hungrier than ever.
> "Oh! I mustn't go near Farmer Green's house!" he said.
MIKE: You mustn't?
CROW: He daren't.
> mother told me to keep away from there. . . .
TOM: On the other hand, food. Well, she'll understand.
> What time did you say
> the turkeys go to roost?"
CROW: It's after the chickens come home to roost, but before the cows come home.
> "Oh! they go to roost every night at sundown," Jasper Jay
> explained. "And there they sit, up in the tree, all night long.
CROW: [ As Fatty ] And ... turkeys just go into trees and sleep?
MIKE: [ As Jasper ] Yup! That's totally normal behavior for turkeys!
CROW: [ As Fatty ] Of course as real wild animal I know this I just ... wanted to know I got it right?
> They're fast asleep. And you would have no trouble at all in catching
> as many as you wanted.
TOM: [ As Japser ] Assuming you want none! None is a many, right?
> . . . But of course, if you're afraibdwhy
> there's no use of MY talking about it.
MIKE: [ As Fatty ] I'ven't given you cause to question my *courage*.
TOM: Mustn't doubt it, really.
> There's a plenty of other Raccoons
> in these woods
CROW: [ As Jasper ] I'll find love with one of them instead!
> who'd be glad to know about those turkeys. And maybe
> they'd have the manners to say 'Thank you!' too."
TOM: Wait, why would the turkeys say thanks for having to meet Fatty?
> And with a hoarse,
> sneering laugh Jasper Jay flew away.
MIKE: [ As the devil from 'The Undead' ] 'You're stuck here!'
TOM: [ Getting it ] Ooooooooh, wait.
> That was enough for Fatty. He made up his mind that he would
> show Jasper Jay that HE was not afraid.
MIKE: He whips a can of spinach out of his tail.
CROW: [ Humming the Popeye fanfare ] Da-dadada-dah-dadah!
> And he wanted a turkey to eat,
TOM: [ As Citizen Kane ] 'I think it would be *fun* to eat a turkey?'
> He said nothing to his mother about Jasper's news.
CROW: Wait, you're not getting the gang together for one last heist?
> But that very
> night, when the moon came up, and the lights in Farmer Green's house
> were all out, Fatty Raccoon went stealing across the fields.
MIKE: Sneak sneak sneak sneak sneak trip ow a rock!
CROW: Sneak sneak sneak sneak sneak trip aaah the creek! Splash!
TOM: Sneak sneak sneak sneak sneak trip aaaaaaah the ravine aaaaaaaaaah!
> He was not afraid, for
MIKE: For the Angel of the Lord had spoken upon him.
> he knew that Farmer Green and all his
> family were in their beds.
CROW: The Angel said, 'Behold, I bring you good tidings and raw hot dogs'.
> And it was so cold that Fatty felt sure
> that Farmer Green's dogs would be inside their kennels.
TOM: Awww, pups in a blanket, so cute!
> Fatty did not intend to make any noise.
CROW: Then he stepped on the clown nose.
> The turkeys were
> asleebpso Jasper Jay had told hibm
MIKE: They nestle in after having a good game of Five Hundred with the neighbors and a small dish of pistachio ice cream.
> and he expected to grab one of them
> so swiftly and silently that the other turkeys would never know it.
TOM: [ As Narrator ] I mean, they'd know eventually, when they went looking for their friend and found him gone, but ... look, I'll come in again.
> When Fatty Raccoon came to Farmer Green's yard he had no trouble
> at all in finding the spreading oak.
MIKE: [ As Fatty ] 'Found it!'
> He could see the turkeys plainly
> where they dozed on the bare branches.
TOM: [ As Fatty ] 'Huh ... uh yeah, turkeys. In trees. Wow.'
MIKE: 'Man, and I thought peacocks in trees were something.'
> And in less time than it takes
> to tell it
CROW: Oh, never mind, it's done.
> Fatty had climbed the tree. On the very lowest limb there
> was a row of four plump turkeys, all sound asleep.
TOM: [ Snoring in ]
MIKE: [ Snoring out ]
CROW: Gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble.
> And Fatty reached
> out and seized the nearest one.
TOM: I seez him! He's right dere!
> He seized the turkey by the neck,
> that the big bird could not call out.
TOM: Well, this just got less fun.
MIKE: Thanks, Arthur Scott Bailey, we needed a touch of 'serial killer' in this story.
> But Fatty was not quite quick
CROW: Man, predation is so much less cool when it's not just lions running at antelopes and stuff.
> Before he could pull her off her perch the turkey began to
> flap her wings,
MIKE: [ As Fatty ] 'Wait, you're reacting? You're not allowed to react!'
> and she struck the turkey next her, so that THAT
> turkey woke up and began to gobble and flap HER wings. Then the next
> turkey on the limb woke up.
TOM: It's a Rube Goldberg turkey roost!
CROW: It's a 82-step process to butter a piece of toast.
> And the first thing that Fatty Raccoon knew,
> every one of the thirty-nine turkeys that were left was going
TOM: He knocked down ten, that's a strike, knocked down another ten, that's another strike, knocked down another ten ...
CROW: That's a turkey.
> And some of them went sailing off across
> the yard.
MIKE: Henry Cabot Henhouse!
CROW: That's Super*chicken*!
> One of them lighted on top of the porch just outside Farmer
> Green's window and it seemed to Fatty that that one made the greatest
> racket of all.
TOM: Ladies and gentlemen Ringing Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus brings you ... the greatest racket of all!
MIKE: Eh, I've seen greater rackets.
> Farmer Green's window flew up; and Farmer Green's voice called
> "Spot! Spot!"
CROW: Stop bothering Lady Macbeth and chase that turkey thief!
> Fatty Raccoon did not wait to hear anything more. He dropped the
> turkey he had seized and slipped down to the ground.
TOM: [ As Fatty ] 'Uh ... no hard feelings, turkey?'
MIKE: [ As Turkey ] 'Seriously?'
> And then he ran
> toward the woods as fast as he could go.
CROW: Just one more pleasant night wrecked by having Fatty show up in it.
> Farmer Green's dog Spot was barking now. And Fatty wanted to
> climb one of the trees by the roadside. But he remembered, the narrow
> escape he had had when the dog had treed him near the cornfield. So he
> never stopped until he reached the woods.
TOM: [ As Fatty ] 'Yes! That's what I'm thinking! I totally didn't miss the Turnpike!'
> Then he went nimbly up into
> the trees.
MIKE: So excited he climbs ten feet past the top of the tree.
> And while Spot was barking at the foot of the first tree he
> climbed, Fatty was travelling through the tree-tops toward home.
CROW: Ah, a good night's work.
> He never said anything to his mother about Farmer Green's
MIKE: His mom gets home saying she was going to grab a turkey but some fool went and unsettled them all.
> But the next time he saw Jasper Jay Fatty told him exactly
> what he thought of him.
TOM: Hey, this heist went wrong because of you, Fatty, don't go blaming Jasper ...
> "Ha! ha!" Jasper Jay only laughed.
CROW: Wait ...
> And he did not seem at all
> surprised that Fatty had fallen into trouble.
MIKE: Hang on, yeah, did ...
> To tell the truth, he
> was only sorry because Fatty had escaped.
TOM: I think ... wait ...
> Jasper Jay did not like
> Fatty Raccoon.
MIKE: It's a third-act plot twist!
> And he had told him about the forty fat turkeys because he
> hoped that Fatty would get caught if he tried to steal one of them.
CROW: Jasper played Fatty! He played us all!
> "Wait till I catch you!" Fatty said.
TOM: You can't hold on to a sleeping turkey, you think you're grabbing a jay, Fatty?
> But Jasper Jay only laughed harder than ever when Fatty said
> that. He seemed to think it was a great joke. He was most annoying.
MIKE: I ... *dang*.
CROW: Intrigue and subterfuge! I'm stunned.
TOM: Two characters in this chapter and now I don't know which one to dislike more.
[ End of Chapter XII ]--
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