| MiSTing: Over Night Meds [1/1] [message #392251] |
Thu, 19 March 2020 12:56 |
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Originally posted by: JMShearer
TITLE: Over Night Medication
ORIGINAL AUTHOR: Unknown
MiSTing AUTHOR: Jesse Shearer
ERA: None/Nonstandard
CATEGORY: Ad Spam
[Insert Bandwidth Waster theme here]
[JESSE works on some email on his laptop on the snack counter. The RENAMON from “Outrageous Claims” enters.]
RENAMON: Hey, how come there’s nothing on your sign out there?
JESSE:[looking up] I have nothing to show right now.
RENAMON: Absolutely nothing?
JESSE: Well, there *is* a “buried title” email spam in the projector, but it’s so short, I’d rather not run it on its own.
RENAMON: I insist.
JESSE: In that case, I suppose I can spare three minutes.
[Both enter theater; seating is similar to that in “Claims.”]
> Subject: idle noose
JESSE: Must be a slow day for hangings.
RENAMON: Oh, starting off with a little gallows humor, I see.
> Over Night Medication
RENAMON: What over night medication?
JESSE: Good question.
> tanekaha supplicate
JESSE: Isn’t that a Dragonball attack style?
RENAMON: No, you’re thinking of kamehameha.
> Date: Fri, 09 Apr 2004 13:39:18 +0500
>
> ageless andorran
JESSE: Shran? What’s he doing here?
RENAMON: Trekkie.
> satyric serotonin tinted admass
RENAMON: That’s just wrong, even for random words.
JESSE: I would tend to agree.
> tenthly resultant epizoic debar carbolated soleil tantalize harken ,
>
> FDA approved druugs
JESSE: Well, at least it makes more sense than just the random words.
RENAMON: True, but what are “druugs”?
> No prior prescriiption required on hundreds of drugs saave up to 70%
>
> New products: valium,
RENAMON: For them, maybe.
> x-a-n-a-x,
JESSE: Proof that spam filters are like children. Spell a word out and they can’t figure out what it is.
> diazepam (gen va1ium), levitra, alprazolam
> (gen xanax), soma (carisoprodol), fioricet (gen)
>
> Categores meds that we have (which saave you up to 70% OFF):
> muscle relaxants, sleeping aids, pain relief, woman health, mens >health, sexual health, quit smoking,
RENAMON: Or better yet, don’t start.
> allergies, skin care, anti depressants & much more categorized meds
JESSE: Think they have anything for bad spelling and grammar?
>
> Cheaap 0ffeer:
> 30 Va1ium [anti depressants] 5mg - $ Best Priice
> 30 Xa-n-ax [anti depressants] 1mg - $ Best Priice
JESSE: And that would be what, exactly?
RENAMON: Time in jail, most likely.
> 3 Cia1is [mens health] 20mg - $127
JESSE: Let’s not go there.
RENAMON: Not a problem.
> 30 Phentermine [weight--loss]> 15mg - $99
JESSE: That stuff’s still FDA approved? I thought it was dangerous..
> 60 Soma [muscle relaxants] 350mg - $99
> 30 Fioricet [pain relief] 40mg - $109
> 30 Cyclobenzaprine [pain relief] 10mg - $109
> 5 Via agra
RENAMON: By way of farms? Isn’t that worse than the Phentermine?
JESSE: From what they’ve been saying on the news lately, it is.
> [sexuual health] 100mg - $139
RENAMON: Just because the ad goes there...
JESSE: What makes you think I’ve got something to say about it?
>
>
>
> Special offeer for limiteed time only
JESSE: Which is over now.
>
> Saave up to 70% now
RENAMON: No thanks.
>
> Clickk heree to saave 70%+
>
JESSE: Nonexistant link.
>
>
> consumed mary pennant masterly
RENAMON: Leaving the random words behind.
JESSE: Let’s just go.
[Both exit theater]
[Lobby, by snack counter]
JESSE: So…
RENAMON: Yeah.
JESSE: Anyway, thanks for dropping by. My doors are usually open. Feel free to come back later. I’ve got an actual feature on the way. For real, this time.
RENAMON: Thanks. I’ll remember that.
[[Credits. Music: “Harvey the Wonder Hamster” by Weird Al]]
Stringer:
> Special offeer for limiteed time only
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