| MSTing] Someone To Love Me [Danny Phantom, PG-13] - Fixed [message #19098] |
Sat, 06 October 2012 22:41 |
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[[Now with corrected spelling and formatting!]]
Imagine, the worst, sloppiest Afterschool Special you've can imagine.
Now imagine the subject of this special was abusive boyfriends AND
sexual assault. Now imagine that this AS starred the cast of Danny
Phantom. A Danny Phantom where neither Danny uses his powers in all
of one scene (and it's nowhere near the climax), there are no ghosts
to be found and the main character is Valarie [sic] Gray. NOW
imagine that the whole thing was written by Torgo.
Congratulations: You have the gist of "Someone To Love Me." And it's
even worse than you thought.
This well may be THE worst fic I've ever MSTed. And yes, I include
Brightheart The Cub Sitter, Scooby Did! and Captain America/Sailor
Venus: Passing The Torch. Whereas those fics might have contained
offensive content, they had it all over this one in terms of
coherence. I honestly can't tell if this was a troll fic or not, and
the link I had for the original is dead. I like to think it was, but
would think a troll would put more OOMPH into being offensive, rather
than just annoying.
I honestly don't remember when I picked this up - probably when The
House of Bad Fanfiction (alias neo-GAFF 1.0) was still going. It's
been sitting in my Dropbox folder and I decided to finish it. ANd
gave up halfway through, because you can only go "Damn this is
stupid" or "What the hell just happened" so many times before you
just have to give up and walk away. Hopefully, what I have down
before I threw in the towel is amusing enough.
And since it was so long ago, it was before I really got into
Rifftrax. So the alternate cast I was working with was that of
Cinematic Titanic. For those who don't know, Cinematic Titanic is
basically a meta-version of MST3K (or it was, until they started
focusing on live shows instead of the storyline). In it, Joel
Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, Frank Conniff, Josh Weinstein and Mary Jo
Pehl have been retained (it was never specified if they went
voluntarily or were kidnapped) by a mysterious organization, claiming
to be from the future, where a disaster has destroyed all recorded
media. They've traveled back in time and hope to preserve current
media with the help of the old MST3K crew. (The MST3K Mantra is in
full effect, so don't bother asking any questions).
Confused? You won't be, after this episode of Fanfictional Titanic!
And now on with the disclaimers.
Cinematic Titanic and all related characters are property of .
"Someone To Love Me" is property of someone who's name is long lost
to me. If anyone wants to claim it and claim proper credit... Why?
WARNING: The following contains references borrowed and/or ripped
off from: "Animaniacs", "Wayne's World", Bob Segar & The Silver Bullet Band, A Simple Plan, Linkin Park, "Batman (1989)", "Manos: The Hand of Fate", Britney Spears, and "Game of Thrones."
*******************
[We open with the normal silhouettes of the CT crew walking to the
Riffing Chamber. They're conversing with their nameless liaison -
whom we'll call "The Agent" here.]
JOEL HODGSON: So you're saying that we won't be watching a movie this
time, but we'll be reading something?
TRACE BEAULIEU: And the thing we'll be reading won't even be a
professional work, but something from Fanfiction.net?
FRANK CONNIFF: Did you guys go over budget this month?
THE AGENT: No, I assure you we're in fine working condition. It's
just that all recorded media includes works on the internet as well.
We thought we'd give recording something from The Web a try. Sort of
a test run before we try anything important.
JOSH WEINSTEIN: So we're guinea pigs. Again. Joy.
THE AGENT: No different that what you've been doing before, only text
based instead of video. Besides, haven't you guys done this sort of
thing thousands of times? I mean, we've seen transcriptions of you
guys doing text-only stuff all over the place during our research.
MARY JO PEHL: Yeah... That wasn't really us. That was others using
our show as a template to do what we did.
JOSH: Besides, if that was really us... I wasn't in 90% of those.
JOEL: I was only in half.
MARY JO: Little less than half.
TRACE: Maybe two-thirds.
FRANK: 'Round sixty.
THE AGENT: Well, if this is going to be a problem...
JOEL: Oh, no problem. Just...
JOEL: Just don't get your hopes up.
TRACE: What he said.
P.A. ANNOUNCER: ALL NON-RIFFING PERSONNEL - PLEASE LEAVE THE
RECORDING CHAMBER.
THE AGENT: Okay, I'll leave you to it. And don't forget to insert
the nanotated disk into the time tube when you're done. We thank you
and the people of the future thank you! [leaves]
FRANK: One of these days, we have to find out what "nanotated" means.
[Cue the theme song as the riffers take their places: Left balcony:
Josh Lower left - Joel (standing) and Mary Jo (seated), right
balcony - Trace, lower right - Frank (seated)]
> Im starting a new series Called the Casper series , for those who
> read the bluford series or even heard of them its based on it with
> differnt casper high studens and OCs as i move alone so you wount
> only see it on one persons point of veiw .
FRANK: Question: What?
> on with the story . this is called " Someone to love me " ( the
> ending might be rated M because of Rape Its the only part )
ALL: (Sarcastically) Yay!
> o00o0o0o0o0
TRACE: And the is what the Hampster Dance would look like in
Navigator 1.0.
> valarie gray tripped over a stack of magazines in the middle of the
> liveing room, bumped her knee against the sharp corner of thr
> coffee table and droped a can of cat food on the floor.
JOEL: [Valerie] LARPing Mouse Trap really really sucks! FRANK: So
"Valarie" is Valerie's twin sister? MARY JO: Clone, probably.
> " Ouch ,my leg !" she howed " This place is a freakin' mess" her
> two cat cleo and theo, scurried beneth the table.
>
> Damon came out of his bedroom carrieing his tie around his neck "
> stop whinn' sweety and get ready for school you don't want to end
> up like your mother a high school drop out"
JOSH: [Damon] Whom I married and had a kid with...
> he said putin his shoes on " and if Cindy calls tell her Ill be off
> at 5 o'clock , bye love you" He said running out the door
MARY JO: Wait, is Damon her dad or one of the cats? FRANK: I just
don't know.
> "FUck Cindy ,I HATE that woman " Valarie said picking up the cat
> food she had drop on the floor and went to get a fresh can ,
TRACE: I hate Cindy too! FRANK: Me too!
JOEL: Yeah, me three!
[pause]
JOEL: Um... Why do we hate Cindy?
TRACE: I dunno. Seemed like the thing to do.
MARY JO: Good enough for me! [chants] Down with Cindy! Down with Cindy!
ALL: DOWN WITH CINDY! DOWN WITH CINDY!
> Cindy was he fathers new Grilfriend , She was so mean to Valarie
> she called her names like ,Fat , Ugly Mugly , Stupid ,Slut ,and
> Every name you could think off .even next to her father she would
> say those names but her fathernever listin to her
JOSH: So, Cindy’s a hateful thirteen year-old?
> " You know Theo, You and Cleo are my only friends in this house "
> She said to theo who just blinked at her .
FRANK: [Theo] I can has cheezburger?
> She was about to open her mouth and say something but a knock come
> from the door
>
> " What do you want ?" Valarie called out
>
> " Its Me Sam " Valarie opened the door " Hey " Sam looked at her up
> and down
TRACE: [Sam] Wait, which one of us is Sam? The text has me confused
again.
> " why are you wareing Pjs ?, its time for school " sam said /asked
MARY JO: "Because I felt like it, dammit" Valerie swore/answered.
> " Im not going today Sam " Valarie said walking to the couch and
> siting down on it
>
> " You said that yesterday-" Sam said
JOSH: Then you should be used to it by now.
> " And the day before that " a vocie said " and the day after that
> " aother voice said behind Sam ,
MARY JO: [Valerie] That's the worst ventriloquist act ever, Sam.
JOEL: You do know "The day after the day before yesterday" is
"yesterday" right?
TRACE: Now now, Joel. Don't blow their precious
little minds yet.
> Danny and Tucker walked up next to Sam in the door way
FRANK: [Danny] By the way, we're also here to tell you about
Phantom's Witnesses. Have you ever thought about what happens when
you don't quite die? It's kinda cool actually.
> " Val come on you ve havent been to school so long the teachers
> forgot who you were" Tucker joked
>
> " No you dont understand " Valarie said looking down
>
> " Ewwww, talk to Sam about that not to us ,Come on Danny lets go be
> men " Tucker said draging Danny away from sam
>
> " Bye Sammy " Danny said waveing " Bye V!"
JOEL: Uh... Okay?
JOSH: That was a "boys think periods are gross" joke, right?
FRANK: [muttering] Some men do as well...
MARY JO: I choose to believe it was a bikini waxing joke. S'more sophisticated.
TRACE: Um... Yeah. Moving right along...
> " We need to Fix you right away " Tucker said from the hallway ,as
> Sam closed the door
>
> " Whats the real reson you Said that two weeks ago " Sam said
> walking up to her
>
> " I Just dont want to go Sam ,God Dont you get it ? Go away !"
> Valarie snaped
FRANK: When suddenly, out of nowhere, it's Alan Rickman!
> " Fine you sit here and rot cuz im not gonna sit here and wacth you
> though your life away ." Sam said opening the door and slaming it ,
> she closed the door and looked out the window and saw Sam Danny and
> Tucker going to school , haft of her wanted to go but the the other
> wanted to stay put .
JOEL: Well that was confusing.
> 0o0o0o0o000o0o0
ALL: OOODLY OOO! OODLY OOO! OODLY OOO!
> the phone started ringing and It was Cindy
JOSH: [Cindy] Hi! I'm calling even though no one should be at home
right now, cuz' I'm annoying like that!
> " what up Ugly ! wheres your Daddy ? " Cindy said Munching on chips
>
> " Hes not here " Valarie said quitely
>
> " Okay I bet your laying on your Fat ass doing nothing with your
> life " Cindy said coldly
FRANK: [Valerie] What, you mean exactly like you, minus the mouth
full of Pringles? ALL: OOOH BURN!
> " Dont call me that " Valarie said quitely
TRACE: She didn't call you "Fat Ass", she said you had one. If
you're going to get offended, do it right!
> " What save that drama for your mama ... oh wait you dont have one
> " Cindy hissed
>
> " UP YOURS BICTH !" Valarie yelled and hanged up the phone
JOEL: Oh, that Cindy! What a card!
> for the rest of the day the phone was ringing but Valarie ignored
> it
FRANK: Because they don't have voice mail, apparently.
> untill her dad came home then she went in her room and layed on the
> bed untill she heard
>
> " SHE WHAT !!" her father yelled she sat there untill she heard
> foot steps comeing to her room " Valarie !"
>
> " What !" She answered
>
> " Why did you hang up on Cindy " He asked
MARY JO: Because she's an immature hateful skank who likes to insult
teenage girls in between fistfuls of Ruffles?
> " She called me names Daddy " Valarie said jumping from her bed
MARY JO: That too.
> " Valarie look dont mess this up for me every single woman i meet
> you drive away " He said placeing his hands on his face " Just bud
> out Val " He walked out of the room
JOSH: Father of the Year, folks!
FRANK: If Cindy's the best you can do, I don't think Valerie's the problem.
> " He doesnt belive me ,only that bicth " Valarie said with her eye
> watering up " I miss mom "She said she wanted to cry but her phone
> started ringing
MARY JO: [Valerie] MOM?!
> It was Tucker , " hello " she snuffed
>
> " hey Val Party At Dash house your Invited ...come on guys stop you
> comeing "
JOEL: Are they talking in textspeak? TRACE: At the first "LOL", I'm
leaving.
> She could tell He was at the party allready.
>
> " Ill be there " She answered
>
> " Awsome bye " tucker said
FRANK: [Tucker as Mindy] Okay love you bye!
> " Bye " Valarie put A pink tube top on and mini skrit remebering
> her mom.
JOSH: Tacky teenwear reminds her of her mom?
TRACE: I think Freud would have a field day with this one.
> Flash back
>
> " mama Im ugly " 7 year old valarie walked to her mother with puffy
> eyes from crying
MARY JO: [Valerie's Mom] No, baby! You're... Unique!
> " no your not who said that " here mother asked
>
> " Dash he said I had bug eyes and I have big lip ,and dark skin "
> She said looking down.
JOEL: [Valerie's Mom] Well, Dash is a poorly written little dipshit,
Baby. Pay him no mind.
> " Sweety you have big eyes to see better ,you have big lips to sing
> like and angel , and you have dark skin becouse the blacker the
> berry the sweeter the jucie "
FRANK: [Valerie] Mama - what the hell does that mean?
TRACE: [Valerie's Mom] I... don't know. I just know you're supposed to say it when someone insults your skin color.
> she said giveing Valarie a kiss on the cheeck " to me your my angel > " She added huging Valarie
>
> End of flash back
JOSH: Strap in, folks; We just got a "Racism Ahead" warning.
> " Time to go " Valarie said grabing her purse and climing out of
> her window ,and walked to the party.
>
> 0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
ALL: OOODLY OOO! OODLY OOO! OODLY OOO!
> " This party Sucks Tucker and Danny and Sam are in there own world
> "
TRACE: They're having a threesome in the middle of a party? What the
hell kind of party is this?
FRANK: One sponsored by YouPorn.
> Valarie pointing at the two teens Making out " Ill see you Later
> tuck " Valarie Said walking away
>
> " Bye Val " tucker said sadly
JOEL: [Tucker] Sorry I invited you, Debbie Downer.
> " Hey sexy wear have youve been ?" Kwan asked her sliping his arms
> around her wast , she could tell he was drunk .
MARY JO: So drunk he was talking in homophones.
FRANK: Mary Jo! We don't know if he hates gays or...
MARY JO: HomoPHONES, Frank!
FRANK: Oh... What's a "homophone?"
TRACE: We'll explain later.
> " Kwan we arent togeter any more " Valarie said tryingto remove his
> hands ,but his grip tightin and pushed Valarie to a door that was
> bedroom " Stop it Kwan "
JOSH: Oh, joy! It's not racism. It's sexual assault! I think. It's
kind of hard to tell.
> " Shut up we are going to be togeter forever " He said pulling her
> tube top down and touching her in a place she hated to be touched
ALL: HER EAR!
> he slid off her skrut and the rest of her clothing
JOSH: Okay, we've been letting the grammar pass for the most part,
but what the hell is a "skrut?"
FRANK: [singing] Awww... They love to watch her skrut!
> " Kwan Ill get bact togeter with you but dont do it "Valarie begged
> and tryed to get up from the bed , but pussed her
JOEL: And no one's hearing this? No one saw them go into the
bedroom? No one saw Valerie try to leave? Where the hell are they
in relation to anything?
TRACE: And "pussed?" Really?
> " No Im not gonna stop I want It " He said Taking his man hood out
> and shoveing it in to her she cried of pain , she tryed to move but
> there was no avail which seemed for hours he stoped and told her "
> Cant wait to do it again Baby " he left her with pain
[All sit in uncomfortable silence]
MARY JO: What... The HELL... Just happened there!
JOSH: I think that was a rape drabble.
FRANK: I'm not sure which is worse. We just sat through a rape scene, we're not really sure it WAS a rape scene, or that it was a blink-and-you'll-miss-it rape scene?
JOEL: All those in favor of "All of the above?"
ALL: AYE!
> 0o0o0o0o
ALL: [Unenthusiastically] Ooodly ooo... Ooodly ooo...
> Valarie slowly walked to the graveyard where her mom was bured she
> collasped on her mothers grave crying rembering when her mother was
> on her last few minutes of life ...
>
> flashback
TRACE: Wait, what? I thought the "OOODLY OOO!" thing was the signal
for a flashback! Pick a lane, story!
> In the hospitle room
>
> " mommy when are you coming home i mess you " 7 year old valarie
> asked her mother whom was in the hospitle bed
JOEL: Hopefully the nurse can clean that up.
> " Baby we will meet again in one place I will never live you " Her
> mother said with a tear sliping down her cheeck
MARY JO: I know... Check that: "I think" we're supposed to be feeling sad here. But the scenes switch so fast and the flashback and the speed rape... I'm just feeling nauseous!
JOEL: You are looking a little green.
FRANK: There's some barf bags under the seat. I already
checked.
TRACE: We might all need 'em by the time this is over.
> " Mama dont leave me " Valarie said huging her mother tightly
>
> " Baby look at me " she said placeing valaries cheen up to look her
> in the eyes " Baby Rember I love you " Giveing her a kiss " Take
> this " handing her a ring
>
> " your moon ring " Valarie said looking up at her
JOSH: And mark "Chekhov's Gun" off your bingo cards.
> " yes baby I love you Val , Untill we meet again ,I love you all "
> She said closeing her eyes for the last time ...
>
> End of flash back
>
> " Mommy ..." Valarie said as it started to rain "
ALL: [singing] How could this happen to me? I've made my mistakes! Got nowhere to run!
> I miss you "
>
> -------------
>
> The next day
MARY JO: [Valerie] Oh, thank God that was all a dream and I wasn't
abused by my Dad's girlfriend, go to a lame party and get raped by a
background character whom I don't remember ever dating. Thank GOD!
FRANK: Um...
MARY JO: It. Was. A. Dream.
Frank: [hastily] "Dream!" Check!
> " Have a great day Mr.Gray " Sam said waving at Valaries father"
> Valarie You comeing to School ." Sam asked but Valarie didnt answer
>
> " Val you up " Sam said
>
> " Sam " Valarie she cocked out " Last Night ,Can you stay with me
> ?"
JOSH: [Sam] Can you ask me for a favor that doesn't involve time
travel?
> " What happand.." Sam asked " Tell me Val "
>
> " Just Dont go to school Sam " Valarie begged , she heared Sam tell
> Tucker and Danny shes staying with her , they said there good byes
> and the door closed
TRACE: I think I understand trying to keep what happened quiet, but
letting your other two friends know something's up kind of shoots
that in the foot.
> " Sam " Valarie asked standing up but still felling pain from last
> night as if it happand two minutes ago
>
> " Im here now tell me Val " Sam Said siting next to her
>
> " I was About to Leave and kwan Came behind me and I told him No he
> did it any way and know I cant go back " she started to cry
MARY JO: [Sam] You lost me after "leave".
FRANK: [Sam] Can we try that again in English? Maybe a comma or two?
> " Val " Sam said softly and giving her a hug
>
> After 20 minutes Valarie thougt it was time to change the topic "
> So what happand with you and Danny " Valarie asked in her normal
> voice
>
> " Well " Sam started Valarie Smiled
TRACE: I'm not an expert on post-rape protocol, buuuuut, shouldn't
you be talking to the cops? Going to the hospital? Telling your
dad? Not trading gossip with your BFF? Feel free to correct me if
I'm wrong.
> " Oh My God You Two ..Did IT ? " Valarie asked siting up not
> feeling to pain any more
JOEL: [Valerie] Screw my pain! There's juicy gossip afoot!
> " No " Sam said " Well almost But my Dad Came from his busness trip
> "
> Sam said trying to hide her Smile
FRANK: "Smile!" Ask for it by name!
> " Ouch so close ,As what Tucker would say " Valarie said looking to
> the floor
>
> " He really likes you " Sam said
JOEL: Subject Change Theater Presents...
> " No he dosent, Not with all the bad things I did "
ALL: [Singing loudly] CRAAAAWLING IN MY SKIIIIIIN! THESE WOOOUNDS, THEY WIIILL NOT HEAAAAAAAL!
JOSH: Was that mean of us?
TRACE: Very. And I'm okay with that.
> Valarie Started but Sam stoped her
>
> " No Val " Sam Said In a soft voice
>
> " Yes I did , To Tucker ,to Danny , to Kwan even you Sam , No
> wonder my Dad doesnt want me in his life" Valarie said with a
> single tear faling to the floor
FRANK: A pregnancy or a suicide attempt and we've got Wangst Bingo,
people!
> " Valarie of corse he loves you " Sam said wipeing the rest of her
> tears
MARY JO: [Sam] Sure, I had to tell you instead of him, but it's love!
Trust me!
> " No only my mom loves me and now shes gone all be couse of a
> stupid Gang back Ohio ( sorry to people who lives there )" Valarie
> Said to the Very confused Sam
JOEL: And the very confused us!
TRACE: She must've gotten caught in a post-Lebron rampage.
> " But Didnt you move here in amtiy when you 6 ? " Sam asked
>
> " Yea but We were Going to see my Grandma for christmas But We
> never Made it there "
>
> Flashback 10 years ago
FRANK: [singing] Over the river and through the woods, to Grandmother's house we die!
> " Mommy Icant wait to see Grandma and Grandpa ,and,and the cake
> yummy! " year old Valarie ran around her mother
>
> " I know baby but We have to get there now becase your Daddy will
> eat all the food " Her mother said grabing her hand
JOSH: It a bad thing when six-year-old Valerie sounds exactly the
same as sixteen-year-old Valerie.
> " Okay mommy " Valarie Said claming down , as they turned the
> croner a man with a gun stoped them
TRACE: [gunman] Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?
> " What w cute Little gril whats your name " the man said to Valarie
> whom was hideing behind her mothers leg
MARY JO: [gunman] Want some candy? Some childhood-nuking trauma?
> " and with a sexy mother ,Give me your money " Valaries mother went
> to get her pruse handing it to him
JOEL: Then he shot her for not handing him her "purse."
> " thats it All the money I have " She said holding back the tears
>
> " Fine give me the Girl I could have fun with her " He said
> smileing at valarie , as he reached to touch Her
FRANK: And somewhere, Pedobear is reading this and going "Dude, dial
it back!"
> " No take me " Her mother said holding Valarie back
>
> " Even Better "
TRACE: [Mugger] I've been wanting to branch out from thuggery to
outright evil!
> He said grabing Valarie mother and shoveing her in to the near by
> building and pushing her on a flithy bed riping her cloths off ,
> Valarie followed
MARY JO: Because seeing Mommy dragged off by a strange, scary man
wasn't scarring enough!
> the Man took his cloths off , Valarie couldnt belive her eyes her
> mother in some much pain with tears sliping off her eyes , the man
> used her mother like a toy
JOSH: What the hell kind of toys has this kid been playing with?
> , when Valarie thouht it was over the man Call his friends ,valarie
> hated this she wanted it to stop it but when she tryed she got hit
> and pushed ,
ALL: BOOOOOO!
FRANK: That's just crossing the line right there!
> when It finlly ended the man put his cloths on and said
>
> " Just to be safe so you wont tell " the Man shot her mother " Bye
> anna " The man said ,Valarie ran to her mother
JOEL: They're never gonna explain his calling her by name, are they?
OTHERS: Nope!
> " Mommy why did her do that , why does he know you " She asked not
> fully understanding whats going on
>
> " Call yyyour fatther " her mother said hardly geting the word out
> of her mouth " the ppphone in my ppannts " valarie ran to her pants
> and called 911 then her father
>
> end of flashback
TRACE: Confusing, yet disturbing. Thanks, story!
> " It was the wrost day of my life , And It happand to me " valarie
> said crying harder
MARY JO: Well, minus the "got murdered" part.
> " Valarie , I didnt know " Sam said Huging Valarie
>
> " yep you Dont with your rich Mommy and Daddy who give you every
> thing " Valarie said geting up and walking out of the room and
> walking to the front door and opening it " Get the hell out "
FRANK: HI YO, MOOD SWING! AWAY!
> " For what being a friend just so you know Thats not my real dad
> and or my real mother thats my aunt and uncle " Sam Said
>
> " What ? " Valarie asked
ALL: WHAT?
JOSH: Where the hell did that come from?
JOEL: WHY the hell did that come from?
> " forget it you dont under stand "
ALL: No, we don't!
> Sam said ( youll get it in the story lost and found ) walking out
> of the buliding
FRANK: No no NO! You do not throw a drama bomb into the middle of
the story like that, then say "Oh, find out what that means in "My
other story!" That's just damned lazy!
TRACE: And we know from lazy!
FRANK: YEAH! [beat] Heeey!
> " Oh man i did it again"
ALL: [Singing] I played with your heart! Got lost in the game. Oh, baby, baby!
> 0o0o0o0o
ALL: OOODLY OOO! OODLY OOO! OODLY OOO!
> I know your wondering what the hell happand
JOSH: Got that right! JOEL: What "happened" even!
> but youll find out soon
MARY JO: Not sure I want to now.
> -----------
>
> I know that the last chapter Sucked but I'm going to make this one
> better . " I drink your milk shake ! bucket's of blood
TRACE: Random quotes! Make no sense together! Show me the money!
> 0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
FRANK: One more time!
ALL: OOODLY OOO! OODLY OOO! OODLY OOO!
> " Sam ! " Valarie Called Casing after Sam not Caring Where Sam Was
> leading her " Sam At lest look at me " Valarie Started to walked
> faster which called for more pain ,Sam Started to run , Valarie did
> the Same
JOEL: We now return to "WTF Theater!"
> 15 minutes later they stop at Casper high " Sam Talk to me ! "
> Valarie begged
JOEL: Why? Didn't you tjust hrow her out of your house? Why are
chasing her now?
> " Ms Manson your late ,why?" Mr. Lancer said crossing his Arms As
> he turned his head to See Valarie " Aha ,Ms .Gray I was on my way
> to see you ( turns to Sam ) Ill talk to later Ms. Manson I have to
> have A word with Ms. Gray here " Sam Looked At Valarie Then at
> Lancer ,
TRACE: She's just as confused as we are.
> " Yes Sir " Sam Said Almost Running To her locker ,Lancer waited
> Until he thought Sam Was completely Gone
>
> " Well Mr.Lancer Ill guess Ill be going " Valarie said Trying to
> slip away " Not so Fast Valarie " Lancer ordered , Valarie stopped
> and looked at him , Lancer let out a sigh and placed his hands on
> his Head
FRANK: There's a distinctly Torgo-esque feel to this text, isn't there?
TRACE: [Torgo] ThE MaSTer WAntS To KNow WHeN DaNnY PhANTom Is SHOWinG Up?
> " Valarie , why haven't you come to school ?" Lancer asked calmly
MARY JO: [Valerie] I've been gone, what, a day? Calm the hell down,
man!
> " M my grandma she getting worst " Valarie Said , Lancer looked at
> her with disbelief
JOSH: [Mr. Lancer] Seriously, it's Remedial English for you until you
graduate... College.
> " Valarie I know your Grandma and I Talked to your Father She is
> not getting worst !" Lancer yelled
> But it was true , nearly a year ago her grandmother had her first
> stroke ,Valarie Feared that Cindy might be forced to send her
> Grandma to a nursing home . She image her Grandmother Calling out
> for her in the middle of the night , only to have a stanger appear
> at her bedside . Valarie would die before she let that happen .
JOEL: Honestly, "Attack Of The Eye Creatures" didn't have this many
"Wait, What?" moments!
> " Well " Lancer Said crossing his arms once again
>
> " That's None of your business !" Valarie said as she ran from the
> school to her house
>
> " Get back here ( his back makes a noise ) ouch my back !" Lancer
> yelled out of pain rubbing his back
JOSH: That was supposed to be funny, right? TRACE: I guess...
[All react with confused laughter]
> -------------------
>
> Valarie Ran as fast as she can ,that until she bumped in to someone
>
> " Hey! , move it !" Valarie yelled at the younge male
>
> " Why wont you!" the boy said , he turns to face Valarie , It was
> Kwan " Oh its you Val, sorry about that."
FRANK: Plot Contrivance Theater Presents!
> Valarie couldnt talk ,how could talk to her after what happand
> yesterday night , Valarie stared at him with wide eyes " Mmme to"
> she scattered out "Had fun at the party " she said without thinking
>
> " No I dont hardly remeber any thing " Kwan said " Did you "
JOEL: And the cliches keep on coming.
> " Kwan about last night " Valarie sigh and rubbed her arm
MARY JO: [Valerie] You wouldn't mind turning yourself in for rape,
would you?
> " Oh yea , we got back togeter ,
TRACE: No! No, you didn't! The Dothraki would say you didn't!
> I have something for you " He said ruffing in his pock-it , he
> takes out a long black box " Its for you Val"
MARY JO: If that's a coat hanger, screw the future of recorded media,
I'm wrecking this place!
JOEL: Seconded!
FRANK: Thirded!
JOSH: Motion carried!
> Val bit the bottom of her lip and opened the box , inside was a
> sparkling Gold necklace.
>
> " Kwan !" Valarie exclaimed. the necklace shimmered like liquid
> fire.
>
> " After last Night , I saw this thought of you." , Valarie was
> speechless
TRACE: She suddenly realized she was in the worst Afterschool Special
ever!
> " I dont know what to say " Valarie said
JOSH: How about "YOU RAPED ME, YOU SON OF A BITCH?"
> " It was nothing all we have to do is get back togeter and it would
> be all good " Kwan said
JOEL: Is there a point to any of this?!
MARY JO: The point is "It would be all good." Whatever the hell that means..
> " Kwan we should talk about this somewhere other than out side "
> Valarie said looking around at the people staring at them
MARY JO: No! No you shouldn't! You shoUld be screaming for help! You
should be grabbing your ghost fighting gear and going "Kill Bill" on
this loser! You should be doing ANYTHING BUT GOING ANYWHERE ALONE
WITH HIM!
> " like your place ?" Kwan said grabing Valaries wrist and pulled
> her to her house
TRACE: Girl, there's "trauma affecting your judgement" and then
there's "Good God, That's Stupid!"
> 0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
FRANK: That thing is just mocking us, now.
> Kwan pushed valarie agnst her fount door in the middle of the
> hallway and slaped her
ALL: BOOOOOO!
JOSH: That's just gratuitous! Even for this story!
> " What the hell was that !" Kwan yelled to the top of his vocie "
> You dont want to go out "
JOEL: You're in the hallway, you know! Not exactly keeping things
secret!
> " I didnt say any thing kwan !" valarie sniffed, kwan punched her
> in her face
MARY JO: You know what? Screw this? Screw future generations! I'm
out of here! [Gets up and leaves]
THE AGENT: [Over the loudspeaker] Wait! You can't leave, you're
barely halfway through! TRACE: That's not a point in your favor, you
know.
JOEL: I'm with Mary Jo on this one. This... Why would you even want
to preserve something like this?
JOSH: Yeah, the spelling and grammar atrocious, the tone is all over
the place and that's not even getting into the just plain horrible
subject matter.
FRANK: And even past all that, this is a Danny Phantom story in name
only. Where's the ghosts? Where's the supernatural elements?
Where's anything that would make this more than a hateful pile of
wangst and abuse? I mean, was this intentionally this bad? If so,
it just... just... AAAAAAAAARGH!
[throws up his hands and storms off. Joel, Josh and Trace follow
suit]
THE AGENT: Isn't anyone going to load the nanotated disk?
ALL: [Offscreen] NO!
[[Musical Stinger]]
--
My name is Freezer and my anti-drug is porn.
http://freezer.livejournal.com/
http://mst3kfreezer.livejournal.com/
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