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[MSTing] Unbreak My Spark - Part 2 [message #19090] Thu, 04 October 2012 23:15
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> Set in the 17th century, the year is 1691.


BILL: If she runs into Lestat, I quit.

> Chapter 3: Roxanne.


ALL: [Loudly and offkey] YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT ON THE RED DRESS!

> It was dark, the moon was out and the stars were twinkling, almost

> as if they were winking at the city below.


KEVIN: Actually, they were holding their collective nose at the smell
of bad hygiene and worse sanitation coming from the city.

> The night was warm, which was rather unusual for Scotland,

> especially this time of the year.


MIKE: Which tells me that even the weather bows to Roxy's
awesomeness.

> A young woman was being driven home by her personal driver, she was

> a beautiful young woman, her black hair tied up in a beautiful bun,

> her flesh pink both from the het of the night and the heat in the

> carriage,


BILL: As she was busy getting busy with her footman.
MIKE: As you do.
BILL: As you do.

> her ocean blue eyes were dusted in a pale pink that shimmered as

> the carriage passed numerous candle lit windows and her pouted soft

> lips were painted a stunning crimson.


KEVIN: She's beautiful enough to make poets weep. WE GET IT!

> She was just sitting in the back, having run out from a ball, in

> which her father had arranged for a man named Jason to take her

> hand in marriage. This was Roxanne Jones...daughter of Lord

> Alexander Jones and Lady Abigail Jones.


MIKE: A bit of info I'm sure will be massively important later.

> Of course, Alexander and Abigail had been in an arranged marriage,

> so their daughter was to be too. Being born on 21st July 1669, she

> was now 20 years old,


BILL: Just in case you folks can't do math.

> and her father had tried to get her to marry many men. Each time,

> she had cooly declined them.


KEVIN: Which I'm sure went over well in 17th century Scotland.

> As the carriage took her home, they went over something that felt

> like a bump...the carriage stopped and Roxanne looked out. Only to

> see a man lying in the road...after presumably being hit by the

> carriage.


MIKE: [Incredulously] Exactly how fast was that carriage going?
KEVIN: Roxy told the driver to step on it; she wanted to catch "The
Real Housewives of Aberdeen."

> Roxanne got out and hastily ran over to the man.

>

> "Are you alright sir?" She asked.

>

> 'What happened to you?' She thought.


BILL: Takin' a guess, you ran him over.
MIKE: [Roxy] Hmm... That would explain the wheel marks on his head.

> The man groaned and Roxanne got her driver over to her.

>

> "Put him into the back of the carriage...I'm going to take him home

> and take care of him" she said.

>

> The driver gave her a look, but Roxanne sighed.

>

> "Now Donald," she said.


KEVIN: Ah, so that's her flaw - deep personal stupidity!

> He nodded and picked the pale man up. He put him in the back of the

> carriage and Roxanne got in aswell. She then told Donald to get

> them home, as soon as possible.

>

> ******TF******


[All start to sing the scene change bumper, but trail off]

MIKE: That's not really gonna work here, is it?
BILL: Probably not...

> When Roxanne arrived home, she instructed Donald to put the man

> into one of the spare bedrooms in the manor. Donald did it and

> Roxanne went in after him.


KEVIN: [Donald] Shall I fetch M'lady's leather things or shall she
simply be hitting it "raw dog" tonight?

> "Geh me a bowl of water and a cloth plese Donald" she said.

>

> "Aye Mi'lady" Donald said.


MIKE: [Donald] "Naughty Nurse" it is, then.
BILL: [Donald] "Geh-ing" it right away, M'lady.

> 'Why were you in the road you poor man?' Roxanne thought.


KEVIN: [Man] Not getting run down by a carriage.

> He went to go do what his lady had told him to do and when he came

> back, Roxanne was stroking the injured mans' hair.


BILL: [Donald] If M'lady would just put a hanger on the doorknob...

> "Thank you Donald, tha' will be all" she said.

>

> As Donald went to walk out,


MIKE: And started to make a beeline for the liquor cabinet.
KEVIN: [Donald] Sweet mother booze - take me in your mind-blasting
embrace!

> Roxanne thought of something.

>

> "Actualleh, could you get 'im some bed clothes? There should be

> some in Forbes' closet" she said.


BILL: {Roxy] And while you're at it, can find out why my accent keeps
fading in and out?

> Donald bowed his head a little.

>

> "Aye Mi'lady" he said.


MIKE: [Donald, muttering] You empty headed little bi...
BILL: [Roxy] What was that?
MIKE: [Donald] I's said "I'll BE right back!"

> He went and did what was asked of him and when he came back,

> Roxanne stepped out of the room to allow Donald to dress the man in

> the bed. Once he was done, she dismissed him


KEVIN: [Roxy] Thanks for doing all the grunt work. Now get out.

> and put the wet cloth onto the injured mans head. Then he woke

> up...

>

> "Wh-where am I?" He asked.


ALL: Hell!

> Roxanne jumped back, but then smiled.


MIKE: Then she mounted him at a dead run.

> "You are in my home...yeh had an accident. Me name's Roxanne, what

> is yours?" She asked.

>

> "J-James Young" he said.


BILL: [James] Miss Jackson, if y're nasty!

> He then passed out again...Roxanne put her hand on his head,


KEVIN: [Roxy] Ye Olde Roofies work their magic once again!

> and felt he was very cold,


MIKE: And you didn't notice this when you were running your hands
through his hair before?
BILL: Again; "very stupid."

> and his wounds weren't bleeding.

>

> "What in the name of...?" She said.

>

> 'How odd' she thought.

>

> ******TF******


[The Transformers' bumper is played with bagpipes]

MIKE: Kevin, where the hell did you get those bagpipes?
KEVIN: Keep 'em under the desk. Surprised you never noticed before.

> A few months laer.


BILL: ERMEGERD! IT'S LAER!
MIKE: You know that's not going to age well, right?
BILL: Don't care; funny now.

> Roxanne and James were in a relationship (Much to her father's

> chargin)


MIKE: So she can defy her father's marital arrangements and hapilly
boink Roadkill McImavampire there, consequence-free?
KEVIN: Thrill as our heroine defies societal mores... she probably
didn't know were there.

> , and they were so in love.


ALL: Suuuure they were!

> James decided to go into Roxanne's house and asked to see Lord

> Alexander Jones.


BILL: "Roxanne's house", Not "Lord Alexander's house." Sure, fic,
whatever.

> "Yes?" Lord Alexander asked.

>

> James bowed his head and then looked back up at the taller man.

> Lord Alexander was a tall man, with black hair and a black

> moustache. His brown eyes were intimidating to the strongest of

> men. He originally lived in England, but his own parents were

> Scottish.


MIKE: His chin was slightly dimpled. His right leg was slightly
longer than the left. His uncle on his mother's side was born in to
a family of Vikings...

> "What do you want boy?" He asked.

>

> James looked up.


KEVIN: [James] Boy? I'm three hun... I MEAN "thirty!"

> "Lord Alexander, I 'ave come here tehday, teh ask for yeh

> permission teh ask yeh daughter's hand" he said.


BILL: [James] Since I've already 'ad every thing else! Wink wink,
nudge nudge!
MIKE: [Lord Alexander] Why have I not had you murdered yet?

> Alexander looked down at him and snorted.


KEVIN: [Lord Alexander] If I had a monicle, it would be poppling out
right now!

> "I do not think so young man. She may have saved your life...but in

> my opinion, it was not a life worth saving...you do not have my

> blessing, nor do you have my permission" he said.


BILL: [Lord Alexander] Now go back to defiling my daughter.

> He walked into the Manor and the door closed on James. He growled

> and his eyes went golden a little, before he calmed himself down

> and walked away.


MIKE: [James] We will be together Bella... er... Roxanne!

> ******TF******


[Transformer Bagpipes]

MIKE: Amazing how you can just whip those things out like that.
KEVIN: I'm a man of many skills!

> Roxanne was up in her room, and had heard everything that had

> transpired between James her one true love, and her father. She

> walked away from the window and threw herself


BILL: Out the other window, ohpleaseohpleaseohplease?

> onto her bed and weeped.


ALL: Awww!

> 'Why, why would he do tha'? I finally find someone I actually want

> te marry, an' he declines him' she thought.


MIKE: Because he has no title, no money, no prospects and no means to
acuquire any of those?
BILL: [Roxanne] But... But... He's cute!

> Soon, she heard a knock on her door, and her father entered the

> room.


KEVIN: Apparently he knocked just to warn her to hide the Playgirl
lithographs.

> "Go away" she said.

>

> Alexander stood there.


MIKE: [Lord Alexander] Can't make me! Nyah!

> "Don't you dare talk to me like that young lady...you apologise

> right this instant" he said.


BILL: Apparently twenty is the old twelve.

> Roxanne rolled over and looked at him.

>

> "No. Yeh knew I loved him...yeh knew it. So why dih yeh send him

> away?" She asked.


KEVIN: [Lord Alexander] I didn't. Hell, *I* left before he did.
You should really date smarter men.

> Alexander looked at her, his eyes burning fury.


BILL: [Lord Alexander] I HAVE FURY!

> "He is no good for you Roxanne, I can feel it" he said.


MIKE: Wow! I can just feel the raw emotion!
KEVIN: Truly truly moving!

> Roxanne got up and looked at him.

>

> "Well, can yeh feel this...I hate yeh...an' I am goin' out, whether

> yeh like it 'r not" she said.


BILL: Twenty really IS the new twelve, isn't it?

> She ran past him, down the stairs and out of the Manor. She ran

> into the woods around her house,


MIKE: And no one's stopping her? Even a token "Stop, M'lady?"
KEVIN: I get the strong feeling Lord Alexander wouldn't all that
broken up to see her not come back.
BILL: [Lord Alexander] Meh. She'll back by dinner. It's Mutton Pot
Pie tonight.

> and then she felt someone grab ahold of her.


MIKE: Treebeard, no!
BILL: Treebeard, yes!

> "Let meh go yeh mongrel" she shouted.

>

> Then she stopped struggling when she heard who it was.

>

> "Roxanne...calm down lass" it was James.


KEVIN: Lo, did they do The Nasty right there on the forrest floor.

> He loosened his hold on her and she turned around in his arms and

> crushed their lips together.


BILL: [Roxanne] Why do we crush our lips together instead of just
kissing?
MIKE: [James, in a Spanish accent] Eet ees the way of my peeple!

> "I heard what happened...why dih yeh do it Jim?" She asked.

>

> James looked at her.


ALL: Derrr...

> "Because I love yeh Roxie...an' I wanted teh marry yeh before I ask

> yeh,


BILL: I'm not sure how that works.
MIKE: I'm not sure how that's pronounced.

> if yeh wanted to join meh for all eternity" he said.


KEVIN: Great, now I have Groundskeeper Willie saying "Ye were
destin'd to be w' me in da moonlight" stuck in my head.

> Roxanne was confused and James shook his head.

>

> "Why do yeh ask such a question...when yeh know me answer would be

> yes?" Roxanne asked.


BILL: I mean, you know how stupid I am! You could ask me "What color
is Wendsday", and I'd say "yes!"

> James smiled and looked to an old cottage a few miles down.


MIKE: Eyes Of The Hawk!
KEVIN: That's a seven on the Obscure-o-meter!

> "Follow me" he said.

>

> He pulled Roxanne along with him. They went to the cottage and

> James seduced her. After they both climaxed...


BILL: Well, pulled that love scene straight out of Twilight.
MIKE: "So after they went to the cottage and had the BEST SEX EVER
(OMG)..."

> James put his lips to her neck...and began to kiss it.


KEVIN: Dude, that's "foreplay" not "afterplay!"

> "Tell meh you want to be with meh fer all eternity again Roxie" he

> said.

>

> Roxanne moaned.


MIKE: [Roxanne] Anything you say; just stop talking like Fat Bastard!

> "I want teh be with yeh fer all eternity Jimmy" she said.


> James' eyes then went golden and his canine teeth grew, unbeknownst

> to Roxanne. She screamed out as he bit down into her jugular and

> began to draw her blood out.


KEVIN: [Roxanne] So then I died. It kinda hurt.

> After several moments, she felt something be pressed to her lips,

> and something thick, but watery slipping down her throat.


[Much sputtering and harumphing]

MIKE: Steady men, steady!

> For some reason, it tasted good. As the thing at her lips moved

> away, she moved with it and sealed her lips around it...sucking

> hard


MIKE: Uh... Ew?
KEVIN: Oh, go to hell, fanfic!
BILL: So you wouldn't write them having sex, but you can describe
this... Whatever the hell is going on here?

> and feeling more of that beautiful, sweet substance flow down her

> throat.


KEVIN: "Unfortunate Metaphors" for all the money ever, Alex!

> Then the sweet substance was taken away and her eyes opened.

>

> "Wha' the?" She asked.


MIKE: Took the words right out of our mouths.

> Her hands flew to her throat as she heard her own voice perfectly

> clear, her eyes could see miniture specks of light in the darkness,

> and when she turned towards James, she could see him perfectly.


BILL: So she's been deaf, dumb and blind the whole time?
MIKE: On the plus side, it adds a nice bit of black humor if you
imagine her talking like Marlee Matlin this whole time.

> "What've you done teh me?" She asked.


KEVIN: Apparently, he's injected with honey-flavored Super Soldier
Serum.

> James smiled.

>

> "I've made it so that we can be together fer all eternity my love"

> he said.


BILL: "Informed consent?" Never heard of it!

> Roxanne felt a little angry.

>

> "By doing what?" She asked.


MIKE: Going by the text, by oral sodomy.

> He came towards her and she backed off.

>

> "What are ye?" She asked.


BILL: [James] I'm Batman. Well, *a* batman...

> He looked at her.

>

> "Vampire" he said.


KEVIN: An selfish, impulsive, incredibly short-sighted vampire, to
be sure, but a vampire, nonetheless.

> Roxanne shook her head.

>

> "But, a few months ago...ye were hurt...ye got hurt" she said.


BILL: He said he was a vampire, not a Kryptonian.

> He smiled.

>

> "I healed soon enough" he said.


MIKE: Without feeding on someone - which I'm pretty sure even a
dullard like Roxanne would've noticed eventually - how?
KEVIN: Simple - he fed on the plot holes.

> Roxanne got up at lightning speed, which frightened even herself

> and backed away from him.

>

> "Have yeh made me into one of your...devil creatures?" She asked.


BILL: [James] Yeah! Neah, huh?

> James looked down.

>

> "I thought this is what yeh wanted" he said.


MIKE: [patronizingly] That's because you're very stupid, my boy.
KEVIN: [James] I thought you knew what I was from that one question I
asked while sexing you up!

> Roxanne shook her head and ran out of the door...realising she

> could never go home. Her father was right about him...there was

> something bad about him.


BILL: Roxanne: Dimbulb of the Night!

> ******TF******


[Transformer Bagpipes - seguing into "Long Way To The Top" by AC/DC]

MIKE: You can't see it, folks; but Bill and I are headbanging
furiously right now.
BILL: Hell yeah we are!

> A decade passed, and Roxanne had tried to kill herself many

> times...but not succeeding,


MIKE: Because daylight, wooden stakes and fire don't exist in in
1690s Scotland.

> however, still not accepting what she was, she learned that she

> could hunt the humans, and drink from them, without actually

> killing them and she could make them forget that she did it.


KEVIN: Those poor, misused commas!
MIKE: Hey; remember when this was a Transformers fic?
BILL: Sure do! Good times... Good times...

> The thing that broke her undead heart the most, was the telegram

> she saw, in the police station, from her father, telling them of

> her disappearance. Not that it would do much good.


KEVIN: [Roxie] My poorly-conceived impulsive behavior has had an
impact on others? Who would've seen that coming?
MIKE: A "telegram" sent to a "police station"... In the early 1700s.
Sure. Let's run with that.

> A silent tear fell down her face and she walked off.


BILL: Iron Eyes Cody nods in silent approval.

> She trudged through the snow, it was coming up to Christmas and

> going into 1702, it was cold, but she couldn't really feel it as

> her own skin was cold, and people who passed her and saw her

> thought that the paleness of her skin was due to the snow and the

> freezing temperature.


MIKE: Swap vampirism for syphilis and this is pretty much a 1950 sex
ed film!
KEVIN: [Solemly] Save it for marriage, or wander the earth as a
souless abomination!

> She went to her home, and saw the decorations and the big christmas

> tree...presents under it...this wasn't her house anymore...her

> parents had died a few years earlier.


BILL: So she killed and ate everyone inside.
KEVIN: [Roxanne] If Mama ain't happy, EVERYBODY DIES!

> "I miss ye mam, I miss ye dad...an' I'm sorry" she said.


MIKE: Well... That had all the emotion of a Twilight cold read.

> She moved from Scotland and made her way across the globe. In

> spain, she bumped into a druid woman.


KEVIN: "Across the globe" meaning "across the Channel and through
France", apparently.
BILL: Wait - she had to *leave* the British Isles to run into a
druid?
MIKE: Sometimes the domestic stuff just isn't up to par.

> "Hey you...vampire...come here" she said.

>

> Roxanne walked over to her and lifted an eyebrow.


ALL: Fascinating.

> "How dih yeh know I were a vampire?" She asked.


MIKE: [Druid] Those three people you just ate were a clue.

> The druid woman put her finger to her lips and took Roxanne into

> her tent.

>

> "You're not happy being what you are...are you?" She asked.


BILL: [Roxanne] Nah, it's just that vamps only have two emotional
settings: gleefully murderous or mopy and sullen. I like to cycle
through every give years or so.

> Roxanne shook her head.


KEVIN: [Druid] Was that "No, I'm not happy" or "No, I'm actually
happy." Use your words, dear.

> "Then I can grant you two wishes...you can eat normal food, and

> this ring here...will grant you protection from the sun...you can

> live a normal life" she said.


MIKE: That's more like one wish and a gift. Just sayin'.
BILL: She seems more like your trational gypsy than a druid.
Granted; a gypsy who isn't throwing curses at people for the
slightest of slights, but a gypsy nonetheless.
KEVIN: The daylight thing is nifty, but she can't do anything about,
say, the violent lust for blood? The ennui of agelessness? The fact
that she's the color and temperature of a corpes?

> Roxanne felt no different...but she took the ring.

>

> "Thanks" she said.


MIKE: [Roxanne, flatly] Yeah, thanks for granting me a boon that lets
me live a life of a nocturnal predator. Whatevs.

> She looked at the ring, and the druid woman chuckled.

>

> "Domina Noctis...it means Lady of the night. And Praecidio in lucem

> diei...it means Protected from the light of day" she said.

>

> Roxanne nodded and put it on.


BILL: ROXANNE JONES: YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO INSPIRE GREAT APATHY.
WELCOME TO THE GREY LANTERN CORPS.
MIKE: [Roxanne] Whatever.
BILL: EXCELLENT.

> ******TF******


[Transformer Bagpipes]

> A few hundred years


KEVIN: A few hundred years before? Since? Sideways? A little help,
fic!

> Roxanne arrived in Mission City and made her living there. She

> found herself a home and went out to find some food...bearing in

> mind, she didn't know what she liked now...there were so many

> different foods.


BILL: She's been around for four hundred years and she doesn't know
what kind of food she likes?
MIKE: [Roxanne] It's not that I don't, it's just everything I eat
that isn't blood tastes like chicken.

> So she found a supermarket and got herself some food...it was night

> time, and she felt safe... she was heading home, when she saw a

> young boy.


KEVIN: [Roxanne] Hmm... Do I have room for a nightcap?

> "Hey there wee one...what're ye doin' out here all alone?" She

> asked.


BILL: Never saw Let The Right One In, have you Roxy?

> In truth, she was going to give in to the hunger that was building

> inside her, considering the little boy was bleeding. He didn't

> talk.


MIKE: [Roxanne] Fine with me; I get indigestion when they fight too
much.

> "Where's yeh mam?" Roxanne asked.

>

> The boy shrugged, and Roxanne smiled at him.


KEVIN: [Roxanne, gritting teeth] Dammit kid - stop making yourself
more appetizing.

> "Come on...lets get yeh home eh...where do yeh live?" She asked.

>

> The boy took her to the place he lived and Roxanne knocked the

> door.

>

> "WILL!" The woman who answered screamed.


BILL: ...Before Roxy slaughtered and ate them all.
MIKE: Remember, folks; This is still a Transformers fic!

> Roxanne winced a little, but smiled.

>

> "Thank you so much Miss...?" She asked.

>

> Roxanne smiled.


KEVIN: [Roxanne] Miss "Abouttoripyourthroatout"... I mean...

> "Jones...Roxanne Jones" she said.


KEVIN: [Roxanne] Yeah... That's the ticket! Wait - that's actually
my name. Whatever.

> The woman smiled.

>

> "Thank you so much Miss Jones..." she said.

>

> She then called for her husband and he came to see, but when the

> mother of the little boy looked back...Roxanne was gone.

>

> "Odd" she said.


MIKE: [Will's mother] Oh, well. Time to beat stuffing out of the
little snot for running away again!

> Roxanne watched from a long way off and smiled before going back

> home.



> ******TF******


[Transformer Bumper]

MIKE: Folks, from here on in, just assume Disembaudio is playing a
clip of that music every time you see that now.

> After that, Will and Roxanne met again, and again, and Roxanne

> became a good friend of the family


BILL: And Will's parents aren't wary of this strange young woman
taking an interset in their small child?
KEVIN: Stupid attracts stupid.

> and Will walked in on Roxanne feeding on a human.


MIKE: Well she really shouldn't be feeding in Will's house.

> He ran out, but Roxanne caught him.

>

> "What are you?" Will asked.

>

> Roxanne looked down.


KEVIN: [Roxanne] I'm Batman.
MIKE: [Will] Um...
KEVIN: [Roxanne] Shut up, the line works.

> "I'm a vampire" she said.

>

> Will stayed where he was.


BILL: [Will] Do... Do you...
MIKE: [Roxanne] Don't sparkle.
BILL: [Will] Aw, man!

> "A-and you feed off of humans?" He asked.

>

> Roxanne nodded


KEVIN: So that whole "can eat real food" thing was utterly useless,
then?
MIKE: The gypsy...
BILL: Druid.
MIKE: Right, *the druid* said she could eat real food. She never
said it was actually do any good.

> and looked at the now teenager...


MIKE: Wait - he's a teenager, now? Transitions, people!
KEVIN: Shoot us a "Years later" or something!

> "Aye, but I don't kill 'em" she said.

>

> Will nodded but still shied away from her.


BILL: [Will] Oh, man! I probably look like fresh veal to her!

> "I'm not going teh hurt yeh Will...I never have...and I've had

> plenty o' opportunities teh do so...when I first met yeh, you were

> bleedin', an' I wanted so bad teh kill yeh...


MIKE: [Will] Not helping the whole "trust" thing.

> but I din'eh...yeh wanna know why?" She asked.

>

> Will looked at her.


KEVIN: [Will] If it will keep you from changing your mind: Oh, God,
yes!

> "Because I thought of yeh life...ahead o' yeh. An' it woudn'eh be

> right if I killed yeh then. And I'm not gonna kill yeh now, or at

> any time" she said.

>

> The man she was feeding off got up and was about to run,


BILL: He was trying to get away from the dialog.

> when Roxanne caught him. Her eyes flashed golden.


ALL: ZING! Sex appeal!

> "Yeh were out an' about, an' this rabid animal attacked yeh" she

> said.

>

> The man stared at her...in a trance.


ALL: DUUUUUH....

> "A rabid animal attacked me...it just came out of nowhere, I didn't

> have time to do anything, it just came out of nowhere" he repeated.


ALL: My name is Elmer Fudd, Millionaire. I own a mansion and a
yacht.

> Roxanne nodded and let him go...he ran off and Roxanne looked back

> at Will.

>

> "If you can do that to them...what's stopping you from doing it to

> me...how do I know you haven't done it to me?" He asked.


MIKE: [Roxanne] You don't! Neat, huh?

> Roxanne looked at him.

>

> "If I'd compelled yeh Will. You'd've known it by now lad" she said.


KEVIN: [Will] But couldn't you just zap every time I did figure it
out?
BILL: [Roxie] No, because SHUT THE HELL UP, KID!

> Will looked down...and nodded Roxanne took in an uneeded breath.

>

> "Look...I'm sorry a'right...I couldn'eh tell yeh...even if I'd

> wanted teh...yeh wouldn'eh of understood...but now...yeh can

> understand...an'


MIKE: [Will] No, I don't understand any of this! Especially not the
way you say it, Scrooge McDuckula!

> I din'eh want teh be a Vampire...I were turned against meh

> will...yeh have teh understand that" she said.

>

> Will nodded.

>

> "I-I gotta go home...I need to think" he said.


KEVIN: And by "think," he means...
ALL: "Watch some porn."

> Roxanne caught his arm, and she thought about compelling him...but

> she didn't.


BILL: Because she cares about him and childhood and blah blah blah
TRANSFORMERS NOW!

> "Please don't tell yeh parents?" She asked.

>

> Will shook his head.

>

> "I won't" he said.


MIKE: [Will] I won't, my dear age-inappropriate even-if-you-were-
just-your-apparent-physical-age, horribly-dangerous friend.

> Roxanne smiled and let Will go.

>

> ******TF******

>

> After a few months, Will had come to terms with what Roxanne was,

> and to be honest, it was quite interesting for him...he asked loads

> of questions,


KEVIN: Mostly pertaining to what blood tasted like. Roxanne began to
deeply regret sparing Will.

> and as the months turned into years, Will and Roxanne became good

> friends.


BILL: You mean you weren't friends to begin with? Then what the hell
were you doing all those years between between "wee lad" Will and
Teen Will there?
MIKE: Six words, Bill: "Will's parents" and "Regular Saturday Night
Thing."
BILL: I deeply regret asking that question.
MIKE: As you should.

> Roxanne even introduced him to Sarah...they got along like a house

> on fire. and Roxanne was invited to the wedding, as Maid of Honour.


KEVIN: Yes, I'm sure Sarah (whoever the hell she is) had no problems
with choosing Will's hot friend as HER Maid of Honor.
MIKE: Such is the wonder of Roxie!

> After that, Roxanne stayed in her house for a while.


BILL: How magnanamous of her.

> One night, she went out for a walk, and she spotted this man...he

> looked like he was a gangster of some sort and she was feeling a

> little hungry...


KEVIN: Bear in mind, folks; her feeding on blood is completely
optional to her!
MIKE: Our... Hero?

> she went over to him, and he seemed to recognise what she was..


BILL: [Roxie] Crap. Fangbanger at twelve o'clock.

> "Hey...don'eh kill meh...yeh don't look very happy...let me feed on

> yeh, an' I'll turn yeh" she said.


MIKE: [Unsure] Whu...what?
KEVIN: The mood swings in that one sentence gave me whiplash!

> The man nodded and Roxanne fed on him, but got stopped when she

> heard a siren. She looked down at him, she hadn't taken much, and

> she also hadn't hit the jugular, but had hit a vein that had given

> her the blood she'd wanted. She looked down at him, and then ran

> off,


BILL: No doubt while screaming "SUCKER!"

> the man stumbled to a vertical base and walked off.

>

> "I'm going to kill her" he muttered to himself.


MIKE: Isn't that like swearing revenge on the hooker who didn't
finish your back alley BJ because the cops were coming?
KEVIN: Which is kinda what happened here, actually.
MIKE: So NOW she's a Scottish Goth robosexual lesbian vampire
*hooker*?
KEVIN: Once again: our main character, folks!

> ******TF******

>

> A/N: Alright...here's Roxanne's past.


MIKE: Unnecessary, asked questioned no one asked, and then didn't
answer them.

> I hope you all enjoy it. Just to make it clear, Roxanne is

> approximately 347 years old.


MIKE: [Heckler] We don't care!
BILL: [Heckler] Never did!
KEVIN:[Heckler] Where'd the Transformers go?

> Probably the longest chapter yet...


MIKE: Tell us about it!

> and probably the ONLY long chapter I'll do. I'll have to see.


BILL: Was that a promise or a threat?

> I'd like to say thanks to:

>

> Xbee-rox98X

> XLorna RoxenX

> XSilver Eyed SlayerX

> XM.A.R.Z.009jX ^_^

> XLabyrinth LoverX

> XThe SPAZtastic LawlrusX


ALL: THANK YOU ALL SO BLOODY MUCH!

> For reviewing, and making this story worth it to write. Thanks

> everyone ^_^


MIKE: And remember, folks: That meant multiple people took a look at
this text and said, "Go with that."

--
My name is Freezer and my anti-drug is porn.
http://freezer.livejournal.com/
http://mst3kfreezer.livejournal.com/
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