[MSTing] Unbreak My Spark - Part 2 [message #19090] |
Thu, 04 October 2012 23:15 |
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> Set in the 17th century, the year is 1691.
BILL: If she runs into Lestat, I quit.
> Chapter 3: Roxanne.
ALL: [Loudly and offkey] YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT ON THE RED DRESS!
> It was dark, the moon was out and the stars were twinkling, almost
> as if they were winking at the city below.
KEVIN: Actually, they were holding their collective nose at the smell
of bad hygiene and worse sanitation coming from the city.
> The night was warm, which was rather unusual for Scotland,
> especially this time of the year.
MIKE: Which tells me that even the weather bows to Roxy's
awesomeness.
> A young woman was being driven home by her personal driver, she was
> a beautiful young woman, her black hair tied up in a beautiful bun,
> her flesh pink both from the het of the night and the heat in the
> carriage,
BILL: As she was busy getting busy with her footman.
MIKE: As you do.
BILL: As you do.
> her ocean blue eyes were dusted in a pale pink that shimmered as
> the carriage passed numerous candle lit windows and her pouted soft
> lips were painted a stunning crimson.
KEVIN: She's beautiful enough to make poets weep. WE GET IT!
> She was just sitting in the back, having run out from a ball, in
> which her father had arranged for a man named Jason to take her
> hand in marriage. This was Roxanne Jones...daughter of Lord
> Alexander Jones and Lady Abigail Jones.
MIKE: A bit of info I'm sure will be massively important later.
> Of course, Alexander and Abigail had been in an arranged marriage,
> so their daughter was to be too. Being born on 21st July 1669, she
> was now 20 years old,
BILL: Just in case you folks can't do math.
> and her father had tried to get her to marry many men. Each time,
> she had cooly declined them.
KEVIN: Which I'm sure went over well in 17th century Scotland.
> As the carriage took her home, they went over something that felt
> like a bump...the carriage stopped and Roxanne looked out. Only to
> see a man lying in the road...after presumably being hit by the
> carriage.
MIKE: [Incredulously] Exactly how fast was that carriage going?
KEVIN: Roxy told the driver to step on it; she wanted to catch "The
Real Housewives of Aberdeen."
> Roxanne got out and hastily ran over to the man.
>
> "Are you alright sir?" She asked.
>
> 'What happened to you?' She thought.
BILL: Takin' a guess, you ran him over.
MIKE: [Roxy] Hmm... That would explain the wheel marks on his head.
> The man groaned and Roxanne got her driver over to her.
>
> "Put him into the back of the carriage...I'm going to take him home
> and take care of him" she said.
>
> The driver gave her a look, but Roxanne sighed.
>
> "Now Donald," she said.
KEVIN: Ah, so that's her flaw - deep personal stupidity!
> He nodded and picked the pale man up. He put him in the back of the
> carriage and Roxanne got in aswell. She then told Donald to get
> them home, as soon as possible.
>
> ******TF******
[All start to sing the scene change bumper, but trail off]
MIKE: That's not really gonna work here, is it?
BILL: Probably not...
> When Roxanne arrived home, she instructed Donald to put the man
> into one of the spare bedrooms in the manor. Donald did it and
> Roxanne went in after him.
KEVIN: [Donald] Shall I fetch M'lady's leather things or shall she
simply be hitting it "raw dog" tonight?
> "Geh me a bowl of water and a cloth plese Donald" she said.
>
> "Aye Mi'lady" Donald said.
MIKE: [Donald] "Naughty Nurse" it is, then.
BILL: [Donald] "Geh-ing" it right away, M'lady.
> 'Why were you in the road you poor man?' Roxanne thought.
KEVIN: [Man] Not getting run down by a carriage.
> He went to go do what his lady had told him to do and when he came
> back, Roxanne was stroking the injured mans' hair.
BILL: [Donald] If M'lady would just put a hanger on the doorknob...
> "Thank you Donald, tha' will be all" she said.
>
> As Donald went to walk out,
MIKE: And started to make a beeline for the liquor cabinet.
KEVIN: [Donald] Sweet mother booze - take me in your mind-blasting
embrace!
> Roxanne thought of something.
>
> "Actualleh, could you get 'im some bed clothes? There should be
> some in Forbes' closet" she said.
BILL: {Roxy] And while you're at it, can find out why my accent keeps
fading in and out?
> Donald bowed his head a little.
>
> "Aye Mi'lady" he said.
MIKE: [Donald, muttering] You empty headed little bi...
BILL: [Roxy] What was that?
MIKE: [Donald] I's said "I'll BE right back!"
> He went and did what was asked of him and when he came back,
> Roxanne stepped out of the room to allow Donald to dress the man in
> the bed. Once he was done, she dismissed him
KEVIN: [Roxy] Thanks for doing all the grunt work. Now get out.
> and put the wet cloth onto the injured mans head. Then he woke
> up...
>
> "Wh-where am I?" He asked.
ALL: Hell!
> Roxanne jumped back, but then smiled.
MIKE: Then she mounted him at a dead run.
> "You are in my home...yeh had an accident. Me name's Roxanne, what
> is yours?" She asked.
>
> "J-James Young" he said.
BILL: [James] Miss Jackson, if y're nasty!
> He then passed out again...Roxanne put her hand on his head,
KEVIN: [Roxy] Ye Olde Roofies work their magic once again!
> and felt he was very cold,
MIKE: And you didn't notice this when you were running your hands
through his hair before?
BILL: Again; "very stupid."
> and his wounds weren't bleeding.
>
> "What in the name of...?" She said.
>
> 'How odd' she thought.
>
> ******TF******
[The Transformers' bumper is played with bagpipes]
MIKE: Kevin, where the hell did you get those bagpipes?
KEVIN: Keep 'em under the desk. Surprised you never noticed before.
> A few months laer.
BILL: ERMEGERD! IT'S LAER!
MIKE: You know that's not going to age well, right?
BILL: Don't care; funny now.
> Roxanne and James were in a relationship (Much to her father's
> chargin)
MIKE: So she can defy her father's marital arrangements and hapilly
boink Roadkill McImavampire there, consequence-free?
KEVIN: Thrill as our heroine defies societal mores... she probably
didn't know were there.
> , and they were so in love.
ALL: Suuuure they were!
> James decided to go into Roxanne's house and asked to see Lord
> Alexander Jones.
BILL: "Roxanne's house", Not "Lord Alexander's house." Sure, fic,
whatever.
> "Yes?" Lord Alexander asked.
>
> James bowed his head and then looked back up at the taller man.
> Lord Alexander was a tall man, with black hair and a black
> moustache. His brown eyes were intimidating to the strongest of
> men. He originally lived in England, but his own parents were
> Scottish.
MIKE: His chin was slightly dimpled. His right leg was slightly
longer than the left. His uncle on his mother's side was born in to
a family of Vikings...
> "What do you want boy?" He asked.
>
> James looked up.
KEVIN: [James] Boy? I'm three hun... I MEAN "thirty!"
> "Lord Alexander, I 'ave come here tehday, teh ask for yeh
> permission teh ask yeh daughter's hand" he said.
BILL: [James] Since I've already 'ad every thing else! Wink wink,
nudge nudge!
MIKE: [Lord Alexander] Why have I not had you murdered yet?
> Alexander looked down at him and snorted.
KEVIN: [Lord Alexander] If I had a monicle, it would be poppling out
right now!
> "I do not think so young man. She may have saved your life...but in
> my opinion, it was not a life worth saving...you do not have my
> blessing, nor do you have my permission" he said.
BILL: [Lord Alexander] Now go back to defiling my daughter.
> He walked into the Manor and the door closed on James. He growled
> and his eyes went golden a little, before he calmed himself down
> and walked away.
MIKE: [James] We will be together Bella... er... Roxanne!
> ******TF******
[Transformer Bagpipes]
MIKE: Amazing how you can just whip those things out like that.
KEVIN: I'm a man of many skills!
> Roxanne was up in her room, and had heard everything that had
> transpired between James her one true love, and her father. She
> walked away from the window and threw herself
BILL: Out the other window, ohpleaseohpleaseohplease?
> onto her bed and weeped.
ALL: Awww!
> 'Why, why would he do tha'? I finally find someone I actually want
> te marry, an' he declines him' she thought.
MIKE: Because he has no title, no money, no prospects and no means to
acuquire any of those?
BILL: [Roxanne] But... But... He's cute!
> Soon, she heard a knock on her door, and her father entered the
> room.
KEVIN: Apparently he knocked just to warn her to hide the Playgirl
lithographs.
> "Go away" she said.
>
> Alexander stood there.
MIKE: [Lord Alexander] Can't make me! Nyah!
> "Don't you dare talk to me like that young lady...you apologise
> right this instant" he said.
BILL: Apparently twenty is the old twelve.
> Roxanne rolled over and looked at him.
>
> "No. Yeh knew I loved him...yeh knew it. So why dih yeh send him
> away?" She asked.
KEVIN: [Lord Alexander] I didn't. Hell, *I* left before he did.
You should really date smarter men.
> Alexander looked at her, his eyes burning fury.
BILL: [Lord Alexander] I HAVE FURY!
> "He is no good for you Roxanne, I can feel it" he said.
MIKE: Wow! I can just feel the raw emotion!
KEVIN: Truly truly moving!
> Roxanne got up and looked at him.
>
> "Well, can yeh feel this...I hate yeh...an' I am goin' out, whether
> yeh like it 'r not" she said.
BILL: Twenty really IS the new twelve, isn't it?
> She ran past him, down the stairs and out of the Manor. She ran
> into the woods around her house,
MIKE: And no one's stopping her? Even a token "Stop, M'lady?"
KEVIN: I get the strong feeling Lord Alexander wouldn't all that
broken up to see her not come back.
BILL: [Lord Alexander] Meh. She'll back by dinner. It's Mutton Pot
Pie tonight.
> and then she felt someone grab ahold of her.
MIKE: Treebeard, no!
BILL: Treebeard, yes!
> "Let meh go yeh mongrel" she shouted.
>
> Then she stopped struggling when she heard who it was.
>
> "Roxanne...calm down lass" it was James.
KEVIN: Lo, did they do The Nasty right there on the forrest floor.
> He loosened his hold on her and she turned around in his arms and
> crushed their lips together.
BILL: [Roxanne] Why do we crush our lips together instead of just
kissing?
MIKE: [James, in a Spanish accent] Eet ees the way of my peeple!
> "I heard what happened...why dih yeh do it Jim?" She asked.
>
> James looked at her.
ALL: Derrr...
> "Because I love yeh Roxie...an' I wanted teh marry yeh before I ask
> yeh,
BILL: I'm not sure how that works.
MIKE: I'm not sure how that's pronounced.
> if yeh wanted to join meh for all eternity" he said.
KEVIN: Great, now I have Groundskeeper Willie saying "Ye were
destin'd to be w' me in da moonlight" stuck in my head.
> Roxanne was confused and James shook his head.
>
> "Why do yeh ask such a question...when yeh know me answer would be
> yes?" Roxanne asked.
BILL: I mean, you know how stupid I am! You could ask me "What color
is Wendsday", and I'd say "yes!"
> James smiled and looked to an old cottage a few miles down.
MIKE: Eyes Of The Hawk!
KEVIN: That's a seven on the Obscure-o-meter!
> "Follow me" he said.
>
> He pulled Roxanne along with him. They went to the cottage and
> James seduced her. After they both climaxed...
BILL: Well, pulled that love scene straight out of Twilight.
MIKE: "So after they went to the cottage and had the BEST SEX EVER
(OMG)..."
> James put his lips to her neck...and began to kiss it.
KEVIN: Dude, that's "foreplay" not "afterplay!"
> "Tell meh you want to be with meh fer all eternity again Roxie" he
> said.
>
> Roxanne moaned.
MIKE: [Roxanne] Anything you say; just stop talking like Fat Bastard!
> "I want teh be with yeh fer all eternity Jimmy" she said.
> James' eyes then went golden and his canine teeth grew, unbeknownst
> to Roxanne. She screamed out as he bit down into her jugular and
> began to draw her blood out.
KEVIN: [Roxanne] So then I died. It kinda hurt.
> After several moments, she felt something be pressed to her lips,
> and something thick, but watery slipping down her throat.
[Much sputtering and harumphing]
MIKE: Steady men, steady!
> For some reason, it tasted good. As the thing at her lips moved
> away, she moved with it and sealed her lips around it...sucking
> hard
MIKE: Uh... Ew?
KEVIN: Oh, go to hell, fanfic!
BILL: So you wouldn't write them having sex, but you can describe
this... Whatever the hell is going on here?
> and feeling more of that beautiful, sweet substance flow down her
> throat.
KEVIN: "Unfortunate Metaphors" for all the money ever, Alex!
> Then the sweet substance was taken away and her eyes opened.
>
> "Wha' the?" She asked.
MIKE: Took the words right out of our mouths.
> Her hands flew to her throat as she heard her own voice perfectly
> clear, her eyes could see miniture specks of light in the darkness,
> and when she turned towards James, she could see him perfectly.
BILL: So she's been deaf, dumb and blind the whole time?
MIKE: On the plus side, it adds a nice bit of black humor if you
imagine her talking like Marlee Matlin this whole time.
> "What've you done teh me?" She asked.
KEVIN: Apparently, he's injected with honey-flavored Super Soldier
Serum.
> James smiled.
>
> "I've made it so that we can be together fer all eternity my love"
> he said.
BILL: "Informed consent?" Never heard of it!
> Roxanne felt a little angry.
>
> "By doing what?" She asked.
MIKE: Going by the text, by oral sodomy.
> He came towards her and she backed off.
>
> "What are ye?" She asked.
BILL: [James] I'm Batman. Well, *a* batman...
> He looked at her.
>
> "Vampire" he said.
KEVIN: An selfish, impulsive, incredibly short-sighted vampire, to
be sure, but a vampire, nonetheless.
> Roxanne shook her head.
>
> "But, a few months ago...ye were hurt...ye got hurt" she said.
BILL: He said he was a vampire, not a Kryptonian.
> He smiled.
>
> "I healed soon enough" he said.
MIKE: Without feeding on someone - which I'm pretty sure even a
dullard like Roxanne would've noticed eventually - how?
KEVIN: Simple - he fed on the plot holes.
> Roxanne got up at lightning speed, which frightened even herself
> and backed away from him.
>
> "Have yeh made me into one of your...devil creatures?" She asked.
BILL: [James] Yeah! Neah, huh?
> James looked down.
>
> "I thought this is what yeh wanted" he said.
MIKE: [patronizingly] That's because you're very stupid, my boy.
KEVIN: [James] I thought you knew what I was from that one question I
asked while sexing you up!
> Roxanne shook her head and ran out of the door...realising she
> could never go home. Her father was right about him...there was
> something bad about him.
BILL: Roxanne: Dimbulb of the Night!
> ******TF******
[Transformer Bagpipes - seguing into "Long Way To The Top" by AC/DC]
MIKE: You can't see it, folks; but Bill and I are headbanging
furiously right now.
BILL: Hell yeah we are!
> A decade passed, and Roxanne had tried to kill herself many
> times...but not succeeding,
MIKE: Because daylight, wooden stakes and fire don't exist in in
1690s Scotland.
> however, still not accepting what she was, she learned that she
> could hunt the humans, and drink from them, without actually
> killing them and she could make them forget that she did it.
KEVIN: Those poor, misused commas!
MIKE: Hey; remember when this was a Transformers fic?
BILL: Sure do! Good times... Good times...
> The thing that broke her undead heart the most, was the telegram
> she saw, in the police station, from her father, telling them of
> her disappearance. Not that it would do much good.
KEVIN: [Roxie] My poorly-conceived impulsive behavior has had an
impact on others? Who would've seen that coming?
MIKE: A "telegram" sent to a "police station"... In the early 1700s.
Sure. Let's run with that.
> A silent tear fell down her face and she walked off.
BILL: Iron Eyes Cody nods in silent approval.
> She trudged through the snow, it was coming up to Christmas and
> going into 1702, it was cold, but she couldn't really feel it as
> her own skin was cold, and people who passed her and saw her
> thought that the paleness of her skin was due to the snow and the
> freezing temperature.
MIKE: Swap vampirism for syphilis and this is pretty much a 1950 sex
ed film!
KEVIN: [Solemly] Save it for marriage, or wander the earth as a
souless abomination!
> She went to her home, and saw the decorations and the big christmas
> tree...presents under it...this wasn't her house anymore...her
> parents had died a few years earlier.
BILL: So she killed and ate everyone inside.
KEVIN: [Roxanne] If Mama ain't happy, EVERYBODY DIES!
> "I miss ye mam, I miss ye dad...an' I'm sorry" she said.
MIKE: Well... That had all the emotion of a Twilight cold read.
> She moved from Scotland and made her way across the globe. In
> spain, she bumped into a druid woman.
KEVIN: "Across the globe" meaning "across the Channel and through
France", apparently.
BILL: Wait - she had to *leave* the British Isles to run into a
druid?
MIKE: Sometimes the domestic stuff just isn't up to par.
> "Hey you...vampire...come here" she said.
>
> Roxanne walked over to her and lifted an eyebrow.
ALL: Fascinating.
> "How dih yeh know I were a vampire?" She asked.
MIKE: [Druid] Those three people you just ate were a clue.
> The druid woman put her finger to her lips and took Roxanne into
> her tent.
>
> "You're not happy being what you are...are you?" She asked.
BILL: [Roxanne] Nah, it's just that vamps only have two emotional
settings: gleefully murderous or mopy and sullen. I like to cycle
through every give years or so.
> Roxanne shook her head.
KEVIN: [Druid] Was that "No, I'm not happy" or "No, I'm actually
happy." Use your words, dear.
> "Then I can grant you two wishes...you can eat normal food, and
> this ring here...will grant you protection from the sun...you can
> live a normal life" she said.
MIKE: That's more like one wish and a gift. Just sayin'.
BILL: She seems more like your trational gypsy than a druid.
Granted; a gypsy who isn't throwing curses at people for the
slightest of slights, but a gypsy nonetheless.
KEVIN: The daylight thing is nifty, but she can't do anything about,
say, the violent lust for blood? The ennui of agelessness? The fact
that she's the color and temperature of a corpes?
> Roxanne felt no different...but she took the ring.
>
> "Thanks" she said.
MIKE: [Roxanne, flatly] Yeah, thanks for granting me a boon that lets
me live a life of a nocturnal predator. Whatevs.
> She looked at the ring, and the druid woman chuckled.
>
> "Domina Noctis...it means Lady of the night. And Praecidio in lucem
> diei...it means Protected from the light of day" she said.
>
> Roxanne nodded and put it on.
BILL: ROXANNE JONES: YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO INSPIRE GREAT APATHY.
WELCOME TO THE GREY LANTERN CORPS.
MIKE: [Roxanne] Whatever.
BILL: EXCELLENT.
> ******TF******
[Transformer Bagpipes]
> A few hundred years
KEVIN: A few hundred years before? Since? Sideways? A little help,
fic!
> Roxanne arrived in Mission City and made her living there. She
> found herself a home and went out to find some food...bearing in
> mind, she didn't know what she liked now...there were so many
> different foods.
BILL: She's been around for four hundred years and she doesn't know
what kind of food she likes?
MIKE: [Roxanne] It's not that I don't, it's just everything I eat
that isn't blood tastes like chicken.
> So she found a supermarket and got herself some food...it was night
> time, and she felt safe... she was heading home, when she saw a
> young boy.
KEVIN: [Roxanne] Hmm... Do I have room for a nightcap?
> "Hey there wee one...what're ye doin' out here all alone?" She
> asked.
BILL: Never saw Let The Right One In, have you Roxy?
> In truth, she was going to give in to the hunger that was building
> inside her, considering the little boy was bleeding. He didn't
> talk.
MIKE: [Roxanne] Fine with me; I get indigestion when they fight too
much.
> "Where's yeh mam?" Roxanne asked.
>
> The boy shrugged, and Roxanne smiled at him.
KEVIN: [Roxanne, gritting teeth] Dammit kid - stop making yourself
more appetizing.
> "Come on...lets get yeh home eh...where do yeh live?" She asked.
>
> The boy took her to the place he lived and Roxanne knocked the
> door.
>
> "WILL!" The woman who answered screamed.
BILL: ...Before Roxy slaughtered and ate them all.
MIKE: Remember, folks; This is still a Transformers fic!
> Roxanne winced a little, but smiled.
>
> "Thank you so much Miss...?" She asked.
>
> Roxanne smiled.
KEVIN: [Roxanne] Miss "Abouttoripyourthroatout"... I mean...
> "Jones...Roxanne Jones" she said.
KEVIN: [Roxanne] Yeah... That's the ticket! Wait - that's actually
my name. Whatever.
> The woman smiled.
>
> "Thank you so much Miss Jones..." she said.
>
> She then called for her husband and he came to see, but when the
> mother of the little boy looked back...Roxanne was gone.
>
> "Odd" she said.
MIKE: [Will's mother] Oh, well. Time to beat stuffing out of the
little snot for running away again!
> Roxanne watched from a long way off and smiled before going back
> home.
> ******TF******
[Transformer Bumper]
MIKE: Folks, from here on in, just assume Disembaudio is playing a
clip of that music every time you see that now.
> After that, Will and Roxanne met again, and again, and Roxanne
> became a good friend of the family
BILL: And Will's parents aren't wary of this strange young woman
taking an interset in their small child?
KEVIN: Stupid attracts stupid.
> and Will walked in on Roxanne feeding on a human.
MIKE: Well she really shouldn't be feeding in Will's house.
> He ran out, but Roxanne caught him.
>
> "What are you?" Will asked.
>
> Roxanne looked down.
KEVIN: [Roxanne] I'm Batman.
MIKE: [Will] Um...
KEVIN: [Roxanne] Shut up, the line works.
> "I'm a vampire" she said.
>
> Will stayed where he was.
BILL: [Will] Do... Do you...
MIKE: [Roxanne] Don't sparkle.
BILL: [Will] Aw, man!
> "A-and you feed off of humans?" He asked.
>
> Roxanne nodded
KEVIN: So that whole "can eat real food" thing was utterly useless,
then?
MIKE: The gypsy...
BILL: Druid.
MIKE: Right, *the druid* said she could eat real food. She never
said it was actually do any good.
> and looked at the now teenager...
MIKE: Wait - he's a teenager, now? Transitions, people!
KEVIN: Shoot us a "Years later" or something!
> "Aye, but I don't kill 'em" she said.
>
> Will nodded but still shied away from her.
BILL: [Will] Oh, man! I probably look like fresh veal to her!
> "I'm not going teh hurt yeh Will...I never have...and I've had
> plenty o' opportunities teh do so...when I first met yeh, you were
> bleedin', an' I wanted so bad teh kill yeh...
MIKE: [Will] Not helping the whole "trust" thing.
> but I din'eh...yeh wanna know why?" She asked.
>
> Will looked at her.
KEVIN: [Will] If it will keep you from changing your mind: Oh, God,
yes!
> "Because I thought of yeh life...ahead o' yeh. An' it woudn'eh be
> right if I killed yeh then. And I'm not gonna kill yeh now, or at
> any time" she said.
>
> The man she was feeding off got up and was about to run,
BILL: He was trying to get away from the dialog.
> when Roxanne caught him. Her eyes flashed golden.
ALL: ZING! Sex appeal!
> "Yeh were out an' about, an' this rabid animal attacked yeh" she
> said.
>
> The man stared at her...in a trance.
ALL: DUUUUUH....
> "A rabid animal attacked me...it just came out of nowhere, I didn't
> have time to do anything, it just came out of nowhere" he repeated.
ALL: My name is Elmer Fudd, Millionaire. I own a mansion and a
yacht.
> Roxanne nodded and let him go...he ran off and Roxanne looked back
> at Will.
>
> "If you can do that to them...what's stopping you from doing it to
> me...how do I know you haven't done it to me?" He asked.
MIKE: [Roxanne] You don't! Neat, huh?
> Roxanne looked at him.
>
> "If I'd compelled yeh Will. You'd've known it by now lad" she said.
KEVIN: [Will] But couldn't you just zap every time I did figure it
out?
BILL: [Roxie] No, because SHUT THE HELL UP, KID!
> Will looked down...and nodded Roxanne took in an uneeded breath.
>
> "Look...I'm sorry a'right...I couldn'eh tell yeh...even if I'd
> wanted teh...yeh wouldn'eh of understood...but now...yeh can
> understand...an'
MIKE: [Will] No, I don't understand any of this! Especially not the
way you say it, Scrooge McDuckula!
> I din'eh want teh be a Vampire...I were turned against meh
> will...yeh have teh understand that" she said.
>
> Will nodded.
>
> "I-I gotta go home...I need to think" he said.
KEVIN: And by "think," he means...
ALL: "Watch some porn."
> Roxanne caught his arm, and she thought about compelling him...but
> she didn't.
BILL: Because she cares about him and childhood and blah blah blah
TRANSFORMERS NOW!
> "Please don't tell yeh parents?" She asked.
>
> Will shook his head.
>
> "I won't" he said.
MIKE: [Will] I won't, my dear age-inappropriate even-if-you-were-
just-your-apparent-physical-age, horribly-dangerous friend.
> Roxanne smiled and let Will go.
>
> ******TF******
>
> After a few months, Will had come to terms with what Roxanne was,
> and to be honest, it was quite interesting for him...he asked loads
> of questions,
KEVIN: Mostly pertaining to what blood tasted like. Roxanne began to
deeply regret sparing Will.
> and as the months turned into years, Will and Roxanne became good
> friends.
BILL: You mean you weren't friends to begin with? Then what the hell
were you doing all those years between between "wee lad" Will and
Teen Will there?
MIKE: Six words, Bill: "Will's parents" and "Regular Saturday Night
Thing."
BILL: I deeply regret asking that question.
MIKE: As you should.
> Roxanne even introduced him to Sarah...they got along like a house
> on fire. and Roxanne was invited to the wedding, as Maid of Honour.
KEVIN: Yes, I'm sure Sarah (whoever the hell she is) had no problems
with choosing Will's hot friend as HER Maid of Honor.
MIKE: Such is the wonder of Roxie!
> After that, Roxanne stayed in her house for a while.
BILL: How magnanamous of her.
> One night, she went out for a walk, and she spotted this man...he
> looked like he was a gangster of some sort and she was feeling a
> little hungry...
KEVIN: Bear in mind, folks; her feeding on blood is completely
optional to her!
MIKE: Our... Hero?
> she went over to him, and he seemed to recognise what she was..
BILL: [Roxie] Crap. Fangbanger at twelve o'clock.
> "Hey...don'eh kill meh...yeh don't look very happy...let me feed on
> yeh, an' I'll turn yeh" she said.
MIKE: [Unsure] Whu...what?
KEVIN: The mood swings in that one sentence gave me whiplash!
> The man nodded and Roxanne fed on him, but got stopped when she
> heard a siren. She looked down at him, she hadn't taken much, and
> she also hadn't hit the jugular, but had hit a vein that had given
> her the blood she'd wanted. She looked down at him, and then ran
> off,
BILL: No doubt while screaming "SUCKER!"
> the man stumbled to a vertical base and walked off.
>
> "I'm going to kill her" he muttered to himself.
MIKE: Isn't that like swearing revenge on the hooker who didn't
finish your back alley BJ because the cops were coming?
KEVIN: Which is kinda what happened here, actually.
MIKE: So NOW she's a Scottish Goth robosexual lesbian vampire
*hooker*?
KEVIN: Once again: our main character, folks!
> ******TF******
>
> A/N: Alright...here's Roxanne's past.
MIKE: Unnecessary, asked questioned no one asked, and then didn't
answer them.
> I hope you all enjoy it. Just to make it clear, Roxanne is
> approximately 347 years old.
MIKE: [Heckler] We don't care!
BILL: [Heckler] Never did!
KEVIN:[Heckler] Where'd the Transformers go?
> Probably the longest chapter yet...
MIKE: Tell us about it!
> and probably the ONLY long chapter I'll do. I'll have to see.
BILL: Was that a promise or a threat?
> I'd like to say thanks to:
>
> Xbee-rox98X
> XLorna RoxenX
> XSilver Eyed SlayerX
> XM.A.R.Z.009jX ^_^
> XLabyrinth LoverX
> XThe SPAZtastic LawlrusX
ALL: THANK YOU ALL SO BLOODY MUCH!
> For reviewing, and making this story worth it to write. Thanks
> everyone ^_^
MIKE: And remember, folks: That meant multiple people took a look at
this text and said, "Go with that."
--
My name is Freezer and my anti-drug is porn.
http://freezer.livejournal.com/
http://mst3kfreezer.livejournal.com/
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