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OT - FLESH FOR FRANKENSTEIN (1973) [message #159385] Sun, 06 April 2008 19:52
George Johnson is currently offline  George Johnson
Messages: 129
Registered: September 2012
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Senior Member
I am watching FLESH FOR FRANKENSTEIN (1973) right now.
I was originally writing this real-time in the potential for it to be a
mockable movie, but it has much too nudity and laughable blood effects
(paint-red blood) to work for MST3K broadcast audiences. It would work for
an Internet mockery though given that the Internet is not chock-full of
bores.


The beginning starts with two boring children playing "Chopping the
heads off dolls slowly with a guillotine" or "The Wednesday Addams Funtime".
Then it slogs along to a few outside shots, slogs to an inside shot with
mama Frankenstein and kids, and then slogs to the laboratory where a naked
woman (boobie shot) is slowly raised out of a tank of water and placed on a
metal table.

The movie at this point seems a total bore with long pauses and long
slow masturbatory-level of filming of nothing of great interest.

The movie has moved to two uninteresting guys in a field chatting about
uninteresting things. Then back to Doc Frankenstein's lab where they are
slowly chatting about organs and moving one to another beaker. Now to the
mom plus kids on a hillside where the apples are lost and rolling downhill
to transition to a couple of people laying shirtless with each other. Now
mama Frankenstein is berating out the sheepherder and demanding he meet her
back at the castle. Back to the lab with Frankenstein and sidekick with
flesh-sewing time and a monolog about "A new race responding only to my
bidding after he finds a suitable mate."

Ignoring the fact that he's using the same boring human parts for his
zombies that are freely grown by natural processes, the level of retarded
thinking processes is hilarity in itself. Improved products come from
improved quality of parts. This level of thinking is akin to swapping out
one poor-quality tire on a car for another poor-quality tire on a car.

Now we move onto Doctor Frankenstein whining about those "filthy women
with their large breasts rolling around" and needing indiscriminate men who
have no interest in women with perfectly small breasts (while the kiddies
look on from viewing glassless windows over the laboratory). Then we cut to
a whorehouse starting with the deal for the services and then where men and
ladies grope each other in a softcore-erotic manner. Meanwhile Frankenstein
and buddy are doing some evesdropping "for purely scientific purposes".
Then a small gekko decides to go on a journey of car insurance sales over
the man's left buttcheek and the hookers freak out and run outside. This
allows Frankenstein to comment, "Two woman, what a strong man, look at his
profile".

Cut to mama Frankenstein putting the idiot kids to bed by winding up a
real annoying mechanical musical birdcage. Cut to Frankenstein slicing off
the head of the previously noted drunken man and the murder of the drunken
friend. The next morning a woman finds the headless body while the main
hero character reacts to drag off the body. Cut to Frankenstein back in
sewing mode hooking up the freshly harvested head onto the new body. Cut to
the admonished sheepherder and mama Frankenstein griping at him so she can
sex him up. Then he recaps the friend's decapitation we've seen earlier.
Then we move onto the sexing. Then back to the lab while Doctor
Frankenstein clips stitches on female Frankenstein as he gropes her innards
pointlessly while showing masturbatory facial expressions. Cutting back to
the sheepherder sexing up mama Frankenstein while the kids peep on through
the backing of a poorly silvered mirror.

================

Well, I'm bored. The dumbness of this movie has been enough to
over-write the painful unentertaining dumbness and mental stench of "The
Invisible" (2007) and all of the characters plus writers of that trash that
should die a horrible death too.
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